AN: Alright guys, I realise I've left you all hanging and waiting around long enough. Santana and Brittany have been through the mill in this story, and so have all you reading it, but it's all been building up to this week...

It's Christmaaaaas, so I'm gonna be posting an update every day in the lead up to the day itself. Now what I will say is there's gonna be a lot of drama, we've got a lot to uncover. But you know what they say...after the rain comes a rainbow.

In the spirit of Christmas giving, Christmas day might just be that rainbow.

I hope you enjoy the week ahead! :)

It's gonna be a ride.


Halloween was one of Santana's favourite holidays. She had always loved it as a child, and now she had a child of her own she loved it even more. Taking Mila pumpkin picking, finding co-ordinating outfits for them both within the same theme; something that Santana was sure Mila would grow out of next year since she was starting middle school so she was clinging onto that tradition that had been started by Brittany back in 2014, as hard as she could. For that reason, Santana had wanted Halloween to be special this year, because if Mila was anything like she was in middle school she'd be ditching that "totally uncool Halloween with mom" for trick-or-treating with newfound friends next year.

But all those plans for Halloween had gone out of the window when she found out her beloved Papi had passed away while he was travelling around Europe. It was a heart attack that had ended his life prematurely. It could have been caused by stress, with all the work and long hours he'd put in over the years finally taking its toll. It could have been genetic, just one of those things that couldn't be foreseen or prevented. They didn't yet know. Maribel had found comfort in the fact it was so quick, and she assured her son and daughter he wasn't in any pain, but this barely scratched the surface on providing any sort of relief to Santana. She felt bitter with the irony that her dad had worked so hard all of his life, pushing back his own dreams to be a father and a husband, to bring money into the family and make sure they wanted for nothing. Then the minute he had got to a point where he could retire, where he could live life for himself, it had been taken from him. It had been the hardest most blurry two weeks of Santana's life, and she could barely remember what day it was, let alone the date.

As they all stood in her tía's living room waiting for the cars to arrive that would take them to the funeral for the final goodbye to the stern but loving man her father was, it was only then that Santana registered it was 3 days before Halloween, when she heard her cousin Antonio talking about his plans. Everyone was trying to hold conversations like that in between sharing memories about George, filled with small talk, in a bid to ease the swirling sadness in the air when silence landed upon them. But Santana stayed inside her own heard, pensive and reflective as she squeezed Mila's hand, not letting her out of her sight today. It saddened her that her daughter was having to attend her first funeral so young. The loss of a grandparent was always a tough one, and she remembered how her abuelo was the first person she had lost too, at the age of 13. She thought about how much her abuela had struggled with her grief at losing her husband, and worried for her mom, knowing this was going to be her reality now. Alma was always tough, but losing her husband made her somewhat harsher. Still it didn't stop Santana growing even closer to her, making sure to go around for dinner often so that she didn't feel lonely. They were almost inseparable, until 2014 when Santana bravely came out to her. After that, they didn't speak for 3 years, but over the last 2 years their relationship had improved. Alma made it clear she didn't agree with the way Santana was living her life, and she didn't think it was right for two women to be together, but she also said that she loved Santana and she missed being a part of her granddaughter's and her great granddaughter's life. Her relationship with Maribel had suffered also, when she had shunned Santana the way she did, and she realised when she heard about Santana buying her first home from Antonio that she was missing out on too much. So they made their peace, and Santana watched her grandmother, who would be turning 80 next year, comforting her mother. Life had a funny way of screwing her at times, but she was glad that was one thing that had been rectified. Dani was even included on last years Christmas card, so it was a vast improvement.

The service felt like a blur. There were tears, prayers and beautiful words shared about George in the way Santana had witnessed at any funeral she had ever been too. But this wasn't just any funeral, it was her dad's, and she was struggling to cope. And when Mila had complained that she was cold, her brown eyes sad and teary, Santana had simply kissed her head because she knew that cold feeling all too well. It was a feeling that always took over you at funerals, even on the sunniest day.

When the service was over, they followed the procession out to the adjoining cemetery ready for the burial, and Santana kept her head down. She couldn't stand to see the sympathetic looks that were undoubtedly being sent her way. She kept her focus on being strong for Mila as they walked hand in hand out of the church, completely aware that the 10-year-old was actually the one providing her strength right now.

Watching her Papi being lowered to the ground was a moment she could never prepare herself for. She allowed herself to look up at the sea of faces. So many people had turned up to say goodbye to George today, she could at least take some comfort from that. People began to edge away from the gravesite, leaving immediate family time alone to pay their respects, until eventually it was just Maribel, Pablo, Mila and herself standing there. Santana had no idea how long they stood there for. Minutes? Hours? She knew it couldn't really be the latter because the rest of the funeral party were still scattered about in the cemetery. As Mila let out soft sobs, Santana squeezed her tight and placed a firm kiss on her head, her own tears falling down. She watched as Pablo opened his arms for his niece, the two of them leaving the gravesite together and heading towards Sarah who was waiting supportively. Maribel stayed a few minutes longer, before placing a reassuring hand on her daughter's shoulder and finding the strength to leave. She knew her daughter would be the last one there, processing everything.

Hot, thick tears spilled down her cheeks fast, as she carefully read the tributes on some of the flowers placed. And then a voice came out of nowhere. A voice she so desperately needed to hear right now.

"Santana?" Brittany probed softly from her spot by the tree where she had been watching, unsure if she should approach or if Santana still wanted to be alone.

And Santana's face crumpling, her arms outstretched for the person she needed the most, was all it took for Brittany to have her answer. She rushed forward, and enveloped Santana in a hug so tight, her sobs wracking both of their bodies.

She was so glad to have Santana in her arms. The past two weeks had been hellish for her, in not being able to be there for Santana at such a terrible time. When Santana had broken the news, Brittany was flat out with work, but she insisted she would find a way to arrange cover in order to get back to Lima and be there for her, but Santana had told her not to. She wanted so bad for Brittany to be there, because she always drew such strength and comfort from her, but she knew time off at this time of year when they were about to do a full cast change was pretty much impossible for Brittany. She didn't want Brittany doing anything that could risk ruining her solid reputation. Brittany was unsure, she felt like she was letting Santana down, but in a way, she was glad to have Santana's approval because truthfully, she didn't know how she would have got the time off work so last minute. You could be dying yourself and they'd struggle to give you time off when a cast change was involved, and you were a key part of the creative team. If Santana had needed her, she would have dropped everything in a heartbeat, and she didn't care if that made her the most irrational person in the word, but Santana was assuring her otherwise. Of course, that didn't stop her calling several times a day to check in on her, and to find out how Mila, Maribel and Pablo were doing as well, but having Santana there in front of her where she could see for herself how she was holding up made Brittany feel a lot better about things.

It had been a squeeze to even get time off for the funeral, but in the end, they had allowed her two days. It was so tight time wise that she had only flown in from New York this morning and had to rush straight to the funeral, and her flight back was late tomorrow evening, which would undoubtedly leave her very tired the next day, but she didn't care. All she cared about now was the girl in her arms.

"It was a beautiful service San" she whispered, as she tenderly wiped the tears from Santana's cheeks, only for more to fall.

"It was" Santana sniffed "I'm so glad you could make it Brittany"

"Hey honey, I told you I would be there no matter what for you today. And I needed to say goodbye to the wonderful dad you had. He really was so special to me growing up you know? I hero-worshipped him" said Brittany pensively.

Santana smiled through her tears at Brittany's words, before crumbling again. Now that Brittany was here, she could truly vocalise how she was feeling.

"I never got to say goodbye…"

And Brittany felt her own heart break as she took Santana in her arms once more, each heavy cry like a punch to the stomach, as she whispered soothing words. She could feel Santana clinging onto her so tight, and she hoped that her presence was offering her even the smallest glimmer of comfort.

"Babe! There you are, I've been looking everywhere"

Brittany raised her head that had previously been buried in Santana's hair, to see Dani approaching. She frowned at her words. She made it sound like she had lost Santana at a house party, rather than the fact they were at her dad's funeral and she was spending some reflective alone time in the spot he'd just been buried. She frowned even more when she took in Dani's demeanour. Staggering slightly in her steps, face covered with a pair of large black YSL shades. She had to be kidding right?

Dani slung her arm around Santana who seemed to stiffen slightly at the gesture.

"I've just been talking to your cousin. Babe, he is so boring. I had to get away" Dani laughed, and Brittany absolutely lost it.

"Seriously!? You're drunk at your girlfriend's dad's funeral?"

Dani removed her sunglasses, sniffing awkwardly

"I find...funerals really difficult Brittany"

"Oh, because Santana, she's having a great time" Brittany chimed sarcastically.

She knew from Santana that Dani struggled heavily still with the grief of losing her own father, but she couldn't believe how selfish Dani was being today. Dani's feelings were valid, and she may well struggle with funerals, but that didn't mean she had to get drunk and act like she was acting. She would have been better off staying at home over this.

"You know what, fuck you!" Dani spat; Brittany clearly having hit a nerve.

"Please!" Santana whispered, her emotions still visible as she turned to Dani, begging her to stop.

The haze of the alcohol wasn't enough to stop Santana's emotions cutting through that time, the desperation evident in her voice, and Dani collected herself and softened.

"Thanks for turning up. We both really appreciate it" she said to Brittany, before putting on her shades again and turning to Santana and placing an arm over her shoulder once more "Come on. Let's go"

As Brittany watched Dani lead Santana away, looking so small and vulnerable, she felt her anger encompass. It may have been an emotion she rarely felt, but when she felt it, she felt it strongly.

Santana turned around and glanced over her shoulder, and as sad brown eyes met blue, Brittany offered her a sympathetic smile.


Back at her tía's house, Santana made her observations from her place on the couch. She checked on her daughter first, glad to see that she was babbling away to Brittany with a hint of a smile on her face. Then she had eyes on her mom, who was busying herself with the catering and appeared okay. Pablo was chatting away to Antonio, and once Santana was satisfied that her loved ones were doing as good as expected, she turned her attention to her girlfriend. She watched her, eagle-eyed, as she poured herself another glass of wine. She knew people had a drink to celebrate the life of the person lost after the funeral, but not to the extent that Dani was drinking, and eyebrows were beginning to be raised. She'd had enough, and she approached Dani and took her firmly by the arm, pulling her out into the hallway.

"Look I know you find funerals uncomfortable so if this is too much for you, just leave. Really, I'll be fine" she said bluntly.

"What and just leave you here alone on your dad's funeral day?" Dani frowned.

"I'm not alone" Santana sighed "I have my family, Mila, Brittany. I'm okay Dani honestly just…please just go. You're making this all more difficult than it needs to be"

"I'm trying to be there for you baby, I really am but…you know this is hard for me after losing my dad. It's only been a couple of years you know? I'm still not over it."

"I know that Dan, I do. And I always try and be there for you over that. But today I needed you to be there for me and just put your own self aside, just for one day. That's all I was asking. I asked you not to drink, and what do you do? I can't cope with it Danielle. Not today. So just go, and I'll see you at home" Santana said firmly, her frustration becoming evident.

"You know what, fine!"

Santana watched Dani storm off, her actions muddled by alcohol, and wondered if she actually would see her at home. Knowing Dani, she was about to go out and drink herself into a stupor. But she didn't have the space in her already extremely heavy heart to concern herself with that right now, so she headed back into the living room and found Brittany helping herself to the food her aunt and mother had laid out.

"Brittany?" she approached

"Hey" Brittany whispered, reaching out to touch Santana, holding her by the arms and stroking lightly. "Are you doing okay?"

"Brittany, will you stay with me tonight?" she asked, the soft vulnerability masked in her voice reminding Brittany of a teenage Santana.

"Of course I will angel. I'll be right wherever you need me to be. You never even need to ask".


Later that night, with Mila in bed and Dani nowhere to be seen, Santana and Brittany sat out on the porch with a glass of red wine each. It was surprisingly mild for an October night, as they reminisced over George.

"Do you remember Freshman year, when we came back from cheer competition and your dad was picking you up for a change instead of your mom? All the other parents waited out in the carpark but when the bus drove in we could just see your dad standing there in the school grounds waiting to personally escort you off the bus. Your face was a picture!"

"Oh my God Brit! I was mortified. I can still hear Matt Rutherford in my head being all like 'hey Santana, isn't that your dad?'. Totally not cool dad, why did you do that to me?" Santana laughed at the funny memory.

"You were all like 'dad why the hell aren't you waiting in the car with all the over parents!?' and he was like 'but I just came to help you with your bag!'. He was so sweet. My dad would have never. Everyone thought he was so lovely after they heard that. He had a big heart in there underneath his tough guy exterior"

"He did" Santana smiled wistfully, before her features saddened "I should have appreciated that more when he was here. Like…why did I ever shout at him that day and feel embarrassed by him?"

Brittany squeezed Santana's hand and offered her a sympathetic smile.

"Babe you were a teenager. All teenagers would have reacted like that. But you did appreciate him San. He knew how much you loved him. I really loved him too. Do you remember he was the person who taught me how to ride a bike?"

Santana's eyes lit up at the memory.

"Oh my God yes! I forgot about that"

"Mm-hm" Brittany nodded "My dad gave up with me pretty much after a day because I wasn't even getting the basic concept of peddling forwards"

The sound of Santana's loud laughter brought happiness to Brittany's heart; glad she could make her do that in such a time.

"Yeah for someone who could dance rings around everyone, I don't know how you struggled so much with those peddles, but it was so cute" Santana remembered.

"I remember I was like…8/9? And I still couldn't ride. We went to that sleepover, Amy Cello's remember her? And we all took our bikes and she laughed at me for using training wheels still and having a baby bike"

"Uh! I remember! I was so mad. I went alllll Lima Heights right? Your unicorn bike was amazing. Brace face Amy had no taste."

"You did go all Lima Heights, but after that you went home and told your mom and dad about how upset you were, because you hated seeing me getting picked on. Then your dad called my dad, and the next day your dad was there, teaching me how to ride without my training wheels. He was so patient with me. And what with you at the side chanting "Go Britt-Britt, Go Britt-Britt, Go!" on a loop, I picked it up in no time. He was an amazing man"

Santana smiled at the memory, before resting her head on Brittany's shoulder, the blonde wrapping her arm protectively around her.

"He was. He taught me so much. The biggest being to live with no regrets. It does make me feel better to know that when he died, he didn't regret a thing" Santana recollected "I miss him so much already Britt. How am I going to get through a lifetime without him?"

"You'll miss him every day Santana, and that's normal." said Brittany softly, pulling from her own experience of grief "But as each day goes on, that raw pain that you feel inside right now will get easier, I promise."

Santana squeezed Brittany's hand with a grateful smile, before Brittany continued.

"And just because he's gone from this world doesn't mean he's really gone. He's always around you, watching you and guiding you. And he lives on San. He lives on through you. He lives on through Mila".

"Thanks Brit" Santana sighed lovingly "You always make it make sense. I love you so much"

"I love you too" Brittany replied earnestly, and the two shared a moment before relaxing into a reflective silence, staring out at the nights sky.

Sometime later, Brittany took a sip of her wine to address the obvious elephant in the room.

"Do you think Dani will be back anytime soon?"

Santana sighed, this time not so lovingly.

"Honestly Britt? I don't really know. She's a law unto herself lately. Grief's hard for her but…I was really disappointed in her today. Her behaviour's just been getting more and more reckless lately. It feels like she's never home anymore, and that she'd rather be drinking with her friends. I'm all for her going out and having fun but…the other week she randomly didn't come home one night. And God knows I'm not the type of person to sit at home like a jealous girlfriend, you know me, I mean I used to berate Denver for being like that with you. But something's off lately".

"Where was she?" Brittany frowned.

"She said she just crashed at her friends, had too much to drink" Santana shrugged "I mean she could have done, it's not that I don't believe her, it's the fact I don't recognise the way she's acting anymore and she won't open up. I think she needs help beyond me. I mean…we haven't really talked about it because the day that happened was the same day I found out about my dad. She seems generally regretful and she's been super supportive and sweet over the past couple of weeks, but today was just a shit show"

"You deserve better than that Santana" Brittany told her with honest eyes.

Santana threw Brittany a questioning, almost hopeful look that caught Brittany off guard, and she rushed to redeem herself.

"I mean…she's your girlfriend and she should have been your biggest support today, but she wasn't. You had enough to deal with, without worrying about her. I'm sorry she finds it hard, but she should have at least tried to put that aside for today, or just admitted she couldn't come. Better than her being wasted"

"I know. I know, I said the exact same thing to her" Santana admitted, with a heavy sigh.

"Do you think you'll work things out?" Brittany asked, trying to push down the lingering hope in her tone.

Santana swilled her wine, staring at the red substance coating her glass, as she mused over her words.

"Yeah I'm sure we will" she said eventually "I just need to get her to open up. When we're happy, we're happy. And Mila thinks the world of her too. It's just one of those that we'll get past and, in the end, it'll make us stronger for it."

Santana's lies were so convincing, they made Brittany's heart sink.

"Plus- who else would ever put up with my ways?" Santana joked, breaking the tension that appeared to be sitting thick around them, that had evolved out of nowhere.

And Brittany just wanted to turn her around and kiss her fiercely and tell her that she would 'put up with' her ways. Only she wouldn't just put up with them, she would love them, because she loved everything about Santana. She had seen every side of her, but she still loved and embraced it all. Santana wasn't perfect, but it was her 'imperfections' that Brittany loved about her the most. Her fiery temper was simply protectiveness and passion to Brittany. Her self-doubt, representative of how humble she was. Her strong emotions that meant she could literally cry at a commercial, a sign of her giant, generous heart.

Santana deserved so much more. Brittany had believed Santana and Dani to be happy, but this new information, added to the fact she was realising now how all too short life was, was the push she needed to finally let out those hidden feelings and tell Santana how she felt.

Santana's words of wisdom from George echoed fresh in her mind.

Live with no regrets.

She wanted to be like George, and know that when her time came, she didn't regret a thing and she'd done everything in her power to live the life she wanted to live. Shocked by her new-found confidence, she sent silent grateful thoughts to heaven, thankful for the epiphany from the man who had at times been like a second father to her.

Feeling so suddenly bold, she wanted to say it all now, but she couldn't. Santana was vulnerable and emotional, and she wasn't going to take advantage of that. This day was reserved for grieving for her dad, and she was already furious with Dani for taking some of that from her already.

She decided that she would write Santana a letter. Something she could read and process in her own time, with no pressure. She also knew she'd be able to get everything off her chest, without letting her emotions get the better of her.

Not 24 hours later, was Brittany sitting in John Glenn International Airport, putting pen to paper and letting her subconscious write for her.

Santana,

You deserve someone who loves you with every beat of her heart. Someone who will always be there for you and Mila, and who will love every part of you, especially your flaws.

I know Mila has bonded with Dani, and being the amazing mom you are, that might impact the choices you make. But I want you to be truthful to yourself in how happy you really are in this situation. I don't want to intrude, and if this is all wrong just ignore it and I promise I'll never broach the subject again.

Dani's not the girl for you Santana.

Too many times I've let you slip through my fingers. Let's stop being afraid and take the chance. I know now I can make you happy.

I love you Santana. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone else in this world. All I know about you and I is that, because of that, I think anything's possible.

And the truth is, I don't remember a time I haven't felt like this about you.

I won't make things awkward by bringing this up. I'll act normal unless told otherwise.

But…let me know if you feel the same way.

Love, Brittany

Brittany read the letter a thousand times over, checking it said everything it needed to say, before carefully folding it into the envelope. She knew it was cliché, but she sealed it with a kiss anyway, placing it safely in her bag ready to post as soon as she landed back in New York.