Chapter Two- The Weight of An Impalpable Truth
The next morning, the sun shines through the curtains, pouring down like a golden waterfall onto the sleeping figure of Jade Rikkins, who remains underneath layers of blankets. Her eyebrows twitch as the sun slides across her closed eyes, the brightness bringing her closer to the realm of consciousness yet again. Groaning softly, she turns to the side, back into the calming darkness of the shade, and opens her eyes slowly. The first thing she sees is the empty half of the bed. For a moment she wonders why she is looking over at her own side of the bed, as her brain's fogginess hasn't dissipated quite yet. When the clarity comes to her, the terror of the day before all comes rushing back, along with the grief and the will to curl up tighter and forget about the entire world. The most unfortunate thing about that is the fact that she can't forget, even if she wants to. There is a precious little girl waiting at her grandmother's house; one that needs to know the terrible truth about her father. Despite losing her best friend and the love of her life, she was not only a wife, not only a soulmate. She was a mother too. Which means regardless, getting up and facing what the day will bring is the only option. Jade knows that since losing her father, Callie will need her mother more than ever.
After trudging downstairs in her wrinkled clothes from the day before, she puts on some coffee and makes herself consume a measly piece of toast. Her appetite has not yet returned, but she must think about trying to be an example to Callie, and that means taking care of herself even though she doesn't even want to be conscious. In fact, she has slipped into becoming totally numb to the world this morning, and for probably many mornings to come. She knows that Shawn is gone, that she'll never see him again, but deep inside of her, the false hope that he will walk in the door any moment lingers. Her mind thinks up the notion that this has all been one giant nightmare that he will wake her up from, drawing her onto his lap and peppering her in soft kisses with words of endearment.
A lump forms in her throat and she swallows it down, taking a ragged breath, and pushing those sweet thoughts and memories away. Grabbing her phone, Jade realizes that she has several missed calls and texts. Quickly firing off a text to her most trusted employee, Cara, to handle the boutique for a while, she decides that a hot shower may do her some good.
Once bare and under the heat of the water, she breathes the hot steam in deeply, hoping to calm herself. It doesn't seem to work though, as her body slowly sinks down to sit in the corner of her shower. She finds herself erupting into heavy sobs yet again, her heart shattered like glass inside of her chest; emotional pain and physical pain morphing into one, as her body sags helplessly, her arms hugging her knees. Water droplets fall from her hair and down her face, joining the flow of tears in agonizing harmony.
Jade keeps mumbling to herself, her grief strong and relentless. Shawn was her everything. They had barely missed a whole day of seeing each other since they were children. How will she ever cope with him being gone forever? Not only that, but what about their sweet little girl? Shawn and Callie had one of the best father-daughter relationships a mother could hope for. He absolutely adored his baby girl.
Forcing herself back up to her feet, she quickly washes, the sight of his soap settled there among the rest, both a comfort and a sadness. Placing hers back down on the corner of the tub, her hand slowly grasps his and pops the top open, bringing it to her face. Tears well up in her eyes once again as the scent of him reaches her nose.
"Shawn...I need you. Please...please let me know that you're alright. I'm so sorry that happened to you", she murmurs out loud. "I need some of your strength right now. I don't know how the hell I'm going to tell Callie. She'll be just as devastated...she so young...please give me the strength to tell her..."
After languishing under the stream for a while longer, she finally hauls herself back into her bedroom to dress, tossing on the first outfit she can find; jeans and one of Shawn's grey t-shirts, which she ties to the side due to its length. Throwing her hair up into a messy bun, she sits on the edge of their bed for a few moments, absently watching and hearing the ticking of the seconds going by on her wall clock, as if she is living in a nightmare and can't move.
Her gaze seems to be frozen and tunneled to only the clock, her body feeling numb. After another brief passing moment, when the second hand hits the twelve on its fourth time around, she seems to snap out of it. Her tunnel-vision disappears and her mind soaks in her surroundings once again. All the thoughts of this seemingly impossible, yet mandatory task to unfold with her small child, gnawing at every heartstring. But alas, it must be done. There is no way around the truth.
Jade knows that her daughter is a brilliant girl for being only five years old, but with that knowledge in mind, she still realizes the toll it will take on her. Especially because she is so little. Attempting to push all of her own emotions aside, she walks down the steps to the first floor slowly, slipping her shoes on and grabbing the keys to her car, as well as her small wristlet. Her body continues to move at a snail's pace, subconsciously avoiding what comes next for as long as possible.
Somehow, she manages to get herself into her car and start it up. Before she can get depressive tunnel-vision again by spacing out, she begins driving the not so long distance to her mother's house, where the worst kind of task to face awaits her. One question lingers in her mind: How are you to tell a five-year-old child that their father has been killed at work? Especially when that child is yours, and that father was the best Dad in the universe to that beautiful creation of yours.
Unfortunately, even her adult and motherly mind can't think up any sort of answer to that question because it should never have to happen. Except the world is imperfect, and those types of horrendous, heart-shattering, mind-twisting scenarios do exist. She just never thought it would have to exist for herself or her daughter. Why them? He was as perfect of a husband and a father as any human man could aspire to be. Also, speaking from experience, Shawn was the best damn best friend in the world too when they were younger.
Anyone as sweet, generous, loving, and as good as him should never have to die in one of the most unpalatable ways, such as he had. Alone, terrified, struggling for breath, burning. Only the worst humanity has to offer should ever face a death of that caliber. Not Shawn. Not him. Why did he die that way after being so incredible to everyone in his life, and saving many more lives than she could ever count?
As she drives the familiar route, her mind wanders to her memories of him. To a time when they were teenagers. Still children, but aspiring adults. They had been best friends for years already and had both began noticing the other's attraction. It was the type of moment most teenagers in their senior year hoped and dreamed for.
{ "Rahh!", Shawn growls playfully, as he sneaks up at Jade at her locker, placing his hands on her shoulders. She jumps a mile and gasps, spinning around and slapping him in the chest gently.
"What the hell! You nearly scared me to death!"
Shawn laughs and grins boyishly at her. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Don't be mad, hm?"
Taking a deep breath she rolls her eyes. "I'm not mad, just having a difficult day. At least we have study hall together. You're quite...entertaining", she smirks.
"Am I now? Entertaining? I suppose we'll just have to see, now won't we?"
"We will. Though, not too entertaining. I don't think Mrs. Whitaker would be very pleased with us if we talk too loud again", she chuckles.
"Mhh you're right. I guess we'll have to just be late then."
"Late? Very funny. You may be quirky at times, but you're not the skip class type, Shawn. You've always been a goodie two shoes. Believe me, that's not an insult either, so am I."
He smirks cutely. "Trust me?"
Jade looks up at him, a bit of hesitation in her eyes. "I always trust you; you know that."
"Good, c'mon then", he smiles, grabbing her wrist carefully and pulling her along to the gymnasium.
"Oh my God, what are we doing?"
"Shhh...just trust me. You'll like it, it's a good thing. I hope."
"You hope? Oh, that's comforti-" She's cut off when he loudly opens the gym doors. Eight of his buddies from the basketball team are there and cheer. They are holding signs in order that asks, "Jade, will you go to prom with me?"
Looking at it, she covers her mouth and looks up at him. "Oh my God...Shawnnn."
Shawn cutely chews his lip and looks at her. "Well? I know I'm late and...there's no real excuse, I just got nervous, but I like you, Jade. You've been my best friend for so long and I didn't want to ruin anything and I-"
Jade put a finger to his lips and beams brightly. "Of course I'll go with you, you big dummy", she giggles, throwing her arms around his neck, on her tiptoes.
His friends cheer loudly as he smiles brightly, wrapping his arms around her and embracing her close to him lovingly, kissing the top of her head. }
A tear slips down her cheek as Jade pulls into the driveway of her parents' home. Quickly wiping it away at the fond memory, she puts on a brave face despite feeling anything but, and makes her way to the front door, her insides feeling like a knotted vine.
