Hey everyone.
I'm finally back with another update. Our little family is back in New York City, and some life changing decisions are finally made. It's a sweet little update.
A little bittersweet though too, because now we really are getting close to the end :(
But anyway for now, just please enjoy chapter thirty-two of Better Circumstances!
I love you all! Enjoy xo
Better Circumstances
THIRTY-TWO
A Week Later
Nearly a week had passed, and the little party of three had been back in New York for a few days now. Following that day in Disney World, they'd had a lovely couple more days in Florida before they returned to New York. Both Edgar and Olivia – and even Noah as well – vowed that it would not be too long before they saw Kelly and Ron again. Noah was already buzzing now at the simple thought of being back in Florida again with all the new friends – well, basically family – he had met during their trip.
In the days since they'd returned to New York, Olivia had been going over things in her head in regard to what she and Edgar talked about. Though moving in was going to be a big step for them...especially her, it seemed that her heart and her spirit were leading her in that direction. She still had to talk to Noah of course, but even the thoughts and visions that danced through her mind of how things could be if they all lived together was beautiful. Though she was satisfied with the visions in her head and the love that surrounded them, she knew that the deciding factor for her would be Noah. After all, she wasn't doing anything if it meant her son was unhappy.
Today was Wednesday, and Olivia was returning to work finally. As she rounded the corner into the squad room, she had to laugh when Fin jumped up to greet her with a huge smile on his face; "Thank God you back; I was sick of being in charge. Don't leave us like that no more!"
"Well I'm glad to know that you missed me, Fin…" she smirked before greeting Kat and Amanda; "You two okay? He didn't drive you crazy, did he?"
"Nah, he wasn't too bad." Amanda remarked.
"Yeah, but you definitely prepared him for being in charge," Kat chimed in; "How was your trip? You look very tanned and very rested, so I guess we can all assume everything was great?"
"It was amazing, and definitely what we all needed, especially me…" she then turned to Fin, "And when you have a minute, I need a word."
"Man look, I ain't done nothing, so don't be tryna fire me now that you back." He joked. Olivia simply rolled her eyes and punched him in the arm before making her way further to the office, smirking to herself as she could hear them all laughing behind her. She had to admit, she was truly glad to be back in the presence of her squad who made the days more bearable.
As the day progressed, it seemed to be rather chill – though nobody would utter the dreaded 'slow day' as that would only prove to create chaos. Seeing as the day was relaxed, she did manage to grab Fin for a word since he wasn't doing much other than catching up on paperwork. She led him to the break room, and the two of them sat down at the table.
"You only pull me in here for a talk when you about to hit me with something crazy," he tilted his head to the side as he leaned back in his chair; "What you do?"
"I didn't do anything; I just need…I don't know…I guess I need to talk and see what you think and-"
"Did he hurt you?"
"No…Edgar is still a good guy so chill out…" she smirked at his protective nature; "But I guess…something else shifted when we were in Florida; a good shift. In fact, I'm…I feel like I'm floating now, and it's all because of him."
Fin listened intently and nodded his head, especially as he could see the flicker in her eye. He urged her to continue, and she took a deep breath before going so;
"We were on our way back from Disney World and Noah was asleep in the backseat, so we started talking. He…he said he wanted everything with me and Noah, starting with…with wanting us to move in together."
Fin damn near choked on his coffee. He tilted his head and looked at her; this was not the information he was expecting to hear today, and he watched her to see if she was just messing with him. However, he could see on her face that that was serious, and he could see in her eyes that she didn't exactly hate the suggestion.
"And what did you say?"
"I told him I didn't exactly hate the suggestion, but we would talk about it when we got back…and that I had to discuss it with Noah too…" she shrugged a little, tracing her finger over the NYPD logo on her coffee mug; "I've been thinking a lot in the last few days – about how I feel about this, and how I'm gonna approach Noah with this suggestion."
"Alright…well let's start with Noah. I mean, I saw the dude when Noah was missing and that ain't no 'I'm tolerating the kid because of his mother' type behavior; he genuinely loves little man."
"He does; I see it every time we all spend time together, and I especially saw it during this trip – their bond melts my heart…" she paused for a second, and a little smile formed on her face as a thought crossed her mind; "You know, he's referred to Noah as 'our' son…multiple times, and that night where I blew up at Elliot and was on the roof, he came up there with me and just…allowed himself to be vulnerable. I really saw it all then; he really does love Noah, just as much as he loves me."
"And the feeling is mutual with Noah?"
"Definitely; I actually think sometimes he prefers to have Edgar around instead of me…" she giggled a little; "I can't tell you the amount of times lately that I had called home to talk to him, and he asks me about Edgar first before he asks about how I am. So…if that's any indication as to their bond…" She shrugged a little while Fin laughed at this information. This was the first time Olivia had told him any of this, and while it was funny, it did warm his heart.
"Alright…so now tell me about how you feel. What you been thinking about?"
"This is going to sound so cliché…" she rolled her eyes, then began explaining;
"I haven't felt this way in a very long time, and it's been forever and a night since I've felt some hope like this and seen a future with someone, not a future that involves only me and Noah; you know? But I mean…after the whole thing with Noah, I was starting to kind of feel this way, like this was the real deal. I'd been ignoring it but you know, I could just…I felt so different in this relationship and I thought about all we were building over the last few months, and then the incident happened and he just…he showed up in a way that I never thought possible. Then, we went on the trip and it was like seeing him with his family and being welcomed into such a loving family – everything I felt just intensified by a million. I'm in this…and as much as it kind of scares me, it excites me a whole lot more. So…over the last few days since he brought this up, I've been just thinking about how nice it would be to go to sleep with him, to wake up with him, for Noah to have more stability than he has now; I just…I want to be a family. We feel like one anyway, but I think…no I know…I know I want to take this step and start making it official."
She swallowed the lump that had unexpectedly formed in her throat, and she gave Fin a smile; "I never thought I would say something like that out loud; wow."
"Yeah I ain't think you would either; you gon' bring me to tears man…" he joked, causing her to laugh as they made an attempt to lighten the mood; "But aw man Liv; I'm happy for you. I mean look you already know that if I didn't like him, I would tell you. But I ain't seen you this happy in forever, and he's a good dude really so…I approve. You already know that I got your back in whatever you decide to do, though."
Olivia smiled even more at his words. She held her fist out, and he knocked his fist against hers while returning the grin. She felt better after talking to Fin about all this. She trusted him a lot and saw him as a brother, and she loved knowing that just like he always had done, he still had her back through any and everything.
"Aint you the one that told me there was more to life than this job?" his voice brought her from the little thought that she'd slipped into, and she nodded her head.
"I did tell you that."
"Alright then, so go get it; we been in this job so long…seeing the worst of the worst, you know…" he leaned his elbows on the table as they talked; "We all deserve to have some balance outside of this. Just live your life, Liv; and be happy."
Olivia felt like she was on the verge of tears, but she held herself together. She just moved closer and gave Fin a hug, to which he chuckled and clapped her on the back as he spoke against her shoulder; "You goin' soft on me now? You know we don't hug."
"Shut up; I was having a moment…" she sniffled a little as she sat up properly; "And one more soft moment before I go back to being a badass – but I do love you, and I appreciate you."
Fin rolled his eyes but smirked at her anyway; "Yeah whatever; I guess I love you too, Liv."
Luckily for SVU, the day remained pretty chill, so Olivia was able to get off at a decent time. She made it home by about five-thirty, and after Lucy headed home, Olivia and Noah decided on going to their favorite Italian restaurant for dinner. She switched her blazer for a simple cardigan – and of course she kept her off duty weapon on her hip – before she and Noah then headed out of the door.
The restaurant wasn't totally packed, so they managed to get a table rather quickly. Within the hour, they had drinks and food on the table; Olivia was about to devour some chicken parm while Noah had a giant helping of lasagna which he was currently obsessed with. As they were eating, Olivia felt that it was a good time to start discussing the idea of moving in with Edgar. She was a little nervous about what Noah would potentially say, but she would hear him out. After all, his opinion definitely mattered.
"So, buddy, I need to talk to you about something."
Noah gave her a nod, so she continued;
"So…while we were in Florida, Edgar and I were talking one night and…and he brought up the idea of moving in together. You know…like me and you moving into his apartment. I told him that it was a nice idea, but I really wanted to talk to you first and see what you thought."
Noah just looked at her while chewing his food. His silence was starting to unnerve Olivia, and she was about to launch into a whole apology for bringing it up and she had the idea to tell him that there was no pressure. However, Noah took a quick sip of his drink then spoke;
"If we move into Edgar's apartment, can I still go to my same school?"
Olivia's eyebrow arched; was this really his own concern? She nodded her head; "Yeah; actually…his place is closer."
"And Lucy can still hang out with me, right?"
"If she doesn't mind coming to Tribeca, though I'm sure she wouldn't."
"Hmm…" Noah tapped his chin with his finger, then simply shrugged; "I like this idea. I like my room at Edgar's apartment. Well, it isn't my room, but I always sleep in there when we go over so maybe it's kind of mine – right? I like hanging out with Edgar too, so if we live with him then I can hang out with him all the time – yeah?"
"Well…pretty much." Her heart was starting to leap; this was going well so far.
Noah took another sip of his drink, then gave Olivia a wide smile; "Okay, let's go live with him."
Olivia let out a little laugh; this really had gone a lot better than she thought it would have. All she could do was nod as she spoke again; "Well I have to talk to him again, and we have to sort some things out, but if you're happy then I'm happy."
"I'm super happy…" there was a brief pause, then Noah continued; "Mommy, can I ask you another question?"
"Sure, you can."
"Do you love Edgar – a lot?" he wondered.
Olivia hadn't really expected this question, nor did she really know which way he was going with it, so she simply answered; "Yes…I do love him a lot."
"I love him too, a whole lot…" another pause, then he spoke again; "Is it okay if I love him more than my real dad? I didn't know my real dad, so…I don't really know if I love him. But sometimes I feel kind of like Edgar is my dad, so it's okay that I love him more than my real dad – right?"
As per usual, Olivia felt that sick feeling in her stomach that came about whenever Noah mentioned his "real dad". She silently thanked God that he was still too young to know the details of that awful man or the whole situation. She choked back the bile in her throat, and simply took a sip of her drink before answering;
"That's perfectly okay, honey; I promise."
Noah nodded, then he spoke in the most matter of fact way; "Good, because I told Clayton that Edgar was my stepdad."
Olivia practically choked on her food. She hadn't at all been expecting Noah to tell her that he had told his best friend that Edgar was his stepfather. She didn't even really know which way to take this or what to say other than;
"Why?"
Noah simply shrugged his shoulders; "I guess because I do love him like he's my dad, and I feel like he's my dad. He's always there, always playing games with me and he teaches me some things, and he…he acts like Clayton's dad is with him. So…I know he's not my real dad, so I said he's my stepdad."
Olivia had to fight back the tears as another wave of emotion rose to the surface. She couldn't even muster up a response yet, so Noah simply kept talking;
"Do you think Edgar will be okay with that…like me saying he's my stepdad?"
She had to really fight back some tears then. All she could do was nod;
"I'm sure he'll be fine with it, honey."
Her heart was about to burst. They'd really become this little family and now she felt in her heart that it was okay to take the next step. While Noah was now preoccupied talking about some animal show that he and Lucy had watched earlier, Olivia whipped out her phone and dropped a quick text to Edgar;
'6:57pm – Come over as soon as you finish. I really need to talk to you.'
It was nearing eight o'clock when Edgar had finally managed to get over to Olivia's place. Olivia and Noah probably had been home for about fifteen minutes when there was a knock at the door; Noah had already zoomed off to his room to put on some pajamas while Olivia went to answer the door. As soon as she laid eyes on Edgar, she felt her heart skip a beat. He was still in his work attire, though he had gotten rid of the blazer and was simply standing there in his slacks and dress shoes, with the sleeves rolled up on the trendy white dress shirt.
She fell into his arms, allowing his strong arms to swallow her up as she hugged him as tight as possible. He kissed her head as he murmured; "You okay?"
"I'm great, I promise…" she stood on her toes to peck his lips, then she reached behind him and closed the door; "Come on in."
Edgar stepped further in while keeping his arm draped around her shoulders. He glanced at her, and he saw the little smile on her face as they made their way through to the living room area. He sat down on the sofa, and she sat beside him.
"What's going on? What did you want to talk about?" he wondered.
"We can talk about it after Noah goes to be-"
"Hi Edgar!"
They both looked up; Noah was racing over to them, now in his plaid pajama bottoms and a t-shirt. He jumped onto the sofa between them and gave Edgar a fist bump before giving him a hug. They hadn't been able to all hang out as much since Edgar returned to work a couple days ago, so of course Noah was glad to see him again now. Though of course, Edgar was glad to see Noah as well, and was especially glad to see Olivia too.
The three of them hung out for a little while; just watching some television together and talking and just enjoying each other. Noah finally turned in for the night around ten, and after Olivia tucked him in and made sure he was asleep, she returned to the living room. It was getting late of course, but Olivia was determined to talk to Edgar about all that was going on in her head as she had finally made a decision. She didn't want to keep him too long because he did have to work tomorrow – as did she – but they really needed to talk about this. She didn't want to wait anymore.
She turned to face him on the sofa while draping her legs across his lap. He stroked his fingers over her leg and up to her thigh while giving her a sweet smile; "So Ms. Benson, what would you like to discuss?"
Olivia took a moment to gather her thoughts. As she looked into the warm brown eyes she had fallen in love with over these months, the memories they'd made over the months played in her mind in beautiful technicolor. Her heart was pounding, butterflies were in her stomach, and she felt nothing but pure happiness. This was going to be life changing of course, but something that she was totally sure of. She wanted this, she wanted it all – and she wanted it all with him.
It would probably seem like a lot too soon for some others, but she knew this was it.
"I…I talked to Noah tonight, about what we discussed on the way back from Disney last week…"
Edgar's eyebrow arched and he tried not to show how nervous he was about which way this conversation was going to go. He simply nodded his head; "How'd it go?"
"It went well…very well…" She paused, then she started speaking; "Dammit…I feel weirdly emotional and this is so not me."
"Just take your time, baby; it's alright…" Edgar reached out and tucked some of her hair behind her ear; "Relax."
"I just…I…damn…I love you; I really do love you." She blinked back some tears and took a deep breath. Edgar took her hand and rubbed it with his thumb. He was definitely worried now, but he needed to let her get this out.
"I know you do, and I love you too." He quietly replied.
"When you stuck around for me and Noah after what happened and made sure we were happy and safe, it only made me fall harder – of course. But then, seeing you with your family in Florida, and experiencing more love than I ever thought imaginable. This is hard for me to admit, but I have truly fallen in love with you and I…I want everything with you too. It's one thing for me to love you, but…I want you to know that Noah loves you too, he loves you so very much."
"And I love him too; that's my little dude." Edgar couldn't help but smile. He really did love little Noah; it had come along naturally and now, just like he couldn't imagine life without Olivia, he couldn't imagine life without Noah either.
"The bond you two have is so beautiful…" she let out a little laugh while sniffling; "He…he told me tonight that…that he told his best friend that you were his stepdad."
Edgar's eyes widened in surprise as he hadn't expected to hear this information tonight. Yet at the same time, it completely warmed his heart. He really had kind of slipped into a fatherly role towards Noah. It had just come along as their bond strengthened, so it did warm his heart to hear that this was what Noah referred to him as.
"He also said that he loves you like a dad; because you're always playing with him and teaching him new things…which I've noticed; like…like a father does…" she shrugged; "When I brought up the idea of us all living together, his only concern was going to the same school and having Lucy as his babysitter – which I told him would still be possible."
She swiped at some random tears in her eyes, then she continued;
"For my son to say all of this…it almost made me cry. For so long, I've wanted nothing more than just a little more stability for my son, more than I could give him. With you, we have so much stability. We are a little family; we've already felt that way and now…this just further proves it. The more I've thought about things over the last few days, the more I've found myself loving the idea of sharing a home with you…me, you, and our son. I know I want to wake up with you and go to bed with you. I want us to wake up to Noah running into our room because he's hungry. I want us to experience school meetings and games and other family events together…because that's what we are. We're a family."
Edgar raised an eyebrow as little beacons of hope flooded through him. He was starting to get a feeling of what this meant, but he had to be sure; "What are you trying to tell me, Liv?"
The smile spread across Olivia's face, and she continued to gaze into his eyes as he replied; "I'm saying that me and Noah would love nothing more than to move in with you."
Edgar felt his heart beating faster as a fresh wave of excitement and happiness flooded through him. The two people that had his heart were now moving in with him. This warmed his heart tremendously.
"You're serious?"
She let out a little laugh while nodding her head; "I am serious! I mean it might take a bit of time between work and having to pack but we're mov-"
She couldn't even fully finish her statement because Edgar pulled her onto him for a hug. She wrapped her arms tight around him, and little tears dripped down her cheeks as the realization of it all dawned on her. Moving in with Edgar was going to be a fresh start. This apartment held good memories – and kind of bad memories as of late with everything going on – but now moving with Edgar would be like a new door opening; one that would probably open them to more possibilities and a glorious, beautiful future.
"I love you, baby; I really do." He whispered in her ear. She turned her head and kissed his cheek, then lifted her head to look at him. She wiped her thumbs underneath his eyes to wipe away a couple tears, then she simply held his face for a moment as she pecked his lips a couple times.
"I love you too…" her smile grew just a little more, and she moved her hands to rest on her shoulders as she started to laugh; "This is huge for me. I don't let people get this close, and I haven't lived with another adult in so long. I haven't…I haven't felt like this; you know? So, I don't know what the hell you've done to me, but I like it."
"Trust me, you've changed my life in a lot of ways too, Captain…" he squeezed her a little tighter, then gave her another kiss on her cheek. She smiled and slid off of his lap, only to gasp when she caught sight of the time on the stove in the kitchen area; "It's getting close to eleven and we both have work tomorrow."
"I mean we can always go to work late." He wagged his eyebrows at her, and she simply laughed as she playfully shoved his shoulder.
"We absolutely cannot, and you and I both know that…" she then stood up, and she held his hand as she stood in front of him; "Do you want to stay and just rush outta here in the morning or what?"
"As tempted as I am, I better not…" he pushed himself up so that he was standing over her; "But that's okay, because soon, the only time I'll be leaving is when I'm leaving our bed for something."
Olivia felt her heart flutter. God, how she loved the sound of that.
She led him to the door, then stood on her toes to give him a kiss. He reciprocated the kiss while sliding his hands to hold her ass, and she gasped a little as she felt his strong hands giving her a squeeze. He tugged his lips away after a few moments and gave her the sweetest smile. She kissed him once more, then did her normal routine of just watching until he made it to the elevator. She then closed the door and locked up, then she simply leaned against the door while smiling to herself.
She was so happy – so blissfully happy.
And here's the end of chapter thirty-two. Give me your thoughts and all that. You guys have left me with almost 500 reviews and it blows my mind. I'm so glad you all have been enjoying this story. Thank you for the constant support! I'll be back with another update soon. Stay safe, and wear your mask! :)
