The Jingshi was quiet and covered in dust. No one had entered it in almost a year. Lan SiZhui had traveled ahead of the rest of the family; the youngest one did not do so well in dusty conditions. At only three months old, her lungs were still too little.
Not that she would be staying in the Jingshi, Mother would take Baobei to her family during this mini-holiday, and Nanny would take the younger children to a guest house. The older siblings would stay in the dorms. Mama, about halfway through her latest pregnancy, had decided to not come to Cloud Recesses. There had been a minor spat over that; Baba had felt it was more his duty to attend to his pregnant concubine than it was to attend his son's friend's wedding. Mama had won that fight; she wanted the time to rest and relax without Wei WuXian hovering over her and worrying every time she heaved into a bucket (which was almost an hourly event at this point).
He began cleaning: carrying blankets and bedding out to get some air, dusting and mopping. He checked on the water tanks outside the bathing room and made sure the pipes were running water into the tub cleanly and at the correct temperatures. And that the tub drain was also working. He was quite sure Baba would make use of his invention after he arrived. His fathers had been known to take multiple baths a day during the year after the water tanks were perfected…. He grinned thinking back on the number of wooden tubs Father destroyed over the years before Baba finally ordered one that was big enough for four adults to comfortably use simultaneously.
He could have asked servants to do the cleaning, but he needed the stress relief. His stomach was all knotted up with nerves. The day before, he had finally received affirmation about a portion of his future. But today, he needed to let that stew in the back of his mind to be examined later. Today was a celebration: Lan JingYi was getting married.
It was a little past eleven when he slipped out of the men's dorms, nodded to the night guard, and took a path he could have walked blindfolded. He had traveled only a dozen meters or so when he heard familiar footsteps behind him. He smiled but did not acknowledge her presence. At the upper pond, he stopped and wrapped his cloak firmly around himself before sitting on a large flat rock. In the light of the full moon, the pond appeared to be glazed in silver. Ouyang XiaoDan sighed as she sat down next to him. "It's beautiful," she breathed.
He looked down at her and agreed, "Yes." But he wasn't only referring to the scenery. Ouyang XiaoDan had grown a few centimeters over the last eight years. But so had he, and she still stared straight at his collarbones when they stood face to face. She had rounded out in some places, thinned in others, and somehow had become so beautiful it almost physically hurt to look at her. For some strange reason, though, his friends didn't see this and merely commented that while she was cute now, she had been cuter at sixteen…. "Why are you following me?" He asked that question every time they were alone together, and she always answered the same way. Do you mean to tell me that I cannot walk in the same direction as you?
Ouyang XiaoDan refused to look at the man beside her. That stupid question. Always that same, stupid question. She had followed him as much as she dared for the last eight and half years. And though she always answered the same way, over the last few years, she wanted to change her answer. I follow you because I love you, you idiot. Tonight she was determined to end it all. What was the point of following a man who didn't love her back? She could feel moisture stinging her eyes, and she tried to tell herself that it was because of the cold or the stark beauty of the pond in the moonlight. "My father sent me a letter today. He said he's entertaining an offer of marriage for me."
"Oh? Who?" Lan SiZhui kept his voice light. As if it didn't matter. As if her ignoring his question and their tradition didn't feel like she just stabbed him in the stomach.
"I don't know. He just said the boy's father stopped by with some gifts and an offer. He says it was a good offer, all things considered." Considering her age is what her father meant, but did not explicitly say. Most of her girl friends had married before they turned twenty. And she was almost twenty-five.
Lan SiZhui snorted. "Are you sure you want to marry a coward? What proper man sends his father to ask a girl to marry him?"
"Didn't Lan JingYi's parents arrange his marriage?" No one dared to call JingYi a coward. An idiot, perhaps, but not a coward. "LanGege…."
"I asked you not to call me that."
"Master Lan, then."
Lan SiZhui glared at her. "I've asked you to call me by my name." ZhuiGe, Gege, LanGege. And now Master Lan. He hated hearing those words coming from her lips. Why do you insist upon these names? I'm not your brother. And I have no desire to be your brother! He had seen other men get all soft and squishy when pretty women looked up from under their lashes and called them gege. For that matter, his father was almost guaranteed to break whatever was in his hand when Baba called him gege. And then they'd disappear for hours. He didn't mind when other younger women called him those names…. But somehow... when OuYang XiaoDan said it…. It made his insides get all twisty and itchy and uncomfortable.
"Lan SiZhui…."
When she said his name… whether it was breathy and loving or even full of arrogance and condescension…. His insides felt like they needed to twist themselves inside out to let out the butterflies flying around. If she ever calls me A'Yuan, I'll probably just burst into flames. "You once offered to help me decide if I like girls or boys," he interrupted. "I'm ready to take you up on your offer." He glanced down at his lap and was relieved to see that his reaction to her using his name was not overly obvious.
"You can't be serious."
"Why not? You once offered yourself and your brother up, don't you remember? I don't think ZiZhen's wife would appreciate him kissing me, but you're still single. If you're getting married, we should get this out of the way."
"You are ridiculous. You already know you like girls."
"Ridiculous or not, you offered to give me my first kiss. This might be the last chance we get." He twisted sideways on the rock to face her and puckered up his lips.
"You look like a fish. Stop that. No."
"It's just a kiss. What are you afraid of?"
You. "My first kiss should be reserved for my husband," she stated, primly. They shivered as a gust of wind passed by. There was a smell of snow in the air.
"You didn't think that way back in Koi Tower!" he retorted.
"I was sixteen! And young and stupid. And rash." She turned sideways to face him. "Are you sure you're sober? You've never wanted to kiss me before... except for that one time you were drunk," she accused. "Why are you changing your mind?"
"Who says I've changed my mind? Don't you know that the things you admit when you're drunk are simply the things you are too embarrassed to say when you're sober? I've wanted to give you my first kiss for a long time. But it's really not proper to just randomly kiss a girl…. I'm just accepting your offer because you're going to be married soon. And then it will be too late. Your future husband doesn't have to know…. I'm certainly not going to tell him!"
"My future husband. Your future wife. Don't you think we should save our first kisses for them? Speaking of…. Why haven't you married? The way your fathers keep increasing the size of the family, I would think they'd be pressuring you to marry…. Or is it that they're not ready to be grandfathers?"
"They would like for me to marry and have a family of my own, but they want me to be as happy in my marriage as they are in theirs. I've known for a few years now who I want to marry, and they are satisfied with my choice."
OuYang XiaoDan tried to swallow back the sudden lump forming in her throat. She wasn't sure if she should be hurt or angry! He wanted to take her first kiss and then go off and marry someone else? She turned away, back to facing the pond. "Who is the lucky bride?" Oh, how it hurt to ask that.
Lan SiZhui avoided the question. "I actually asked her father for his blessing a couple of years ago. He refused because I haven't sworn to a Sect, and because he thought we were too young and we didn't know each other well enough. So now that it's been a couple of years, he's hinted that he'll let me court her. As soon as I swear."
"So which will you choose?" Ouyang XiaoDan clutched her cloak tighter. It felt like her chest was being slashed to pieces.
"I think that's a decision we should make together, don't you?" The question sounded rhetorical, but he meant it quite literally. "You know I've been studying medicine and healing with QingJie, right?"
OuYang XiaoDan nodded.
"Ummm…." Lan SiZhui hemmed, trying to organize his thoughts to persuade her. "There's a group in Qishan who are trying to restart the healing faction of the Wen Clan. I really like what they're doing…. I've been debating if I should go with them or not. Or maybe I should swear to the YunMengJiang and stay with QingJie... It would be easiest, I suppose, to swear to the YilingWei Sect, but Sanctuary's focus is not on the healing arts…."
"So you'll swear to that new QishanWen Sect?"
Lan SiZhui sighed. "That's the problem. If it were just me, I think that would be the answer."
"It is just you."
"No…. I mean, I hope it's not going to be just me…." Another gust of wind carried the sound of bells chiming midnight. Lan SiZhui reached into a pocket in his sleeves, pulled out a small box and handed it to OuYang XiaoDan. "Shēngrì kuàilè." Happy birthday.
You remembered? She opened the box to see a pair of gold bracelets. "I can't accept these."
"Why not? Baba worked with me for months to get the spells right." These bracelets, like the ones made for his aunts, would create a spiritual net around their owner when needed. While Wei WuXian had mastered the ability to turn simple objects into spiritual ones long ago, the arts of creating talismans and making spiritual objects were not part of Lan SiZhui's strengths.
"It's not proper." She carefully shut the box and tried to hand it back.
"It would be if you marry me," he said softly. As she stared at him in shock, he continued. "I… I've known for a long time, since at least when ZiZhenGe got married, that I only feel truly happy when I'm with you. I will do everything in my power to make you happy, too."
She blinked at him. "I came up here tonight to tell you that I'm never going to follow you again. Another man has asked my father to marry me and he said yes! You know all of that and you're still asking me to marry you?" Then the bewilderment turned to anger. "Wait… wait… you! Gege got married two years ago…. You've been thinking of this for two years?"
"I told you what your father said! I knelt before him the next morning and begged to be allowed to ask you to marry me. He said I needed to choose a Sect. He forbade me to court you until you were twenty-five. No matter how much I begged, he would not relent. Father tried to get him to change his mind. Baba tried. Even my Uncle QiRen tried! For two years I have waited for today, for right now…. If you hadn't been invited to Lan JingYi's wedding, I wasn't going to go, either. I had to make sure I was with you on your birthday. You've only been twenty-five for a few minutes! How much earlier was I supposed to ask?"
"But… my father… there's… he's..." she sputtered.
"Father and Baba and I talked to your father yesterday on our way here. Well, two days ago now, I guess. I was on my knees for an hour pleading with him to give me permission to court you. He is still concerned that I haven't sworn to a Sect…. XiaoDan… I didn't want to make a decision about my future until I received your answer. I want for us to make a decision about our future." Lan SiZhui slid off the rock to kneel at her feet. "You don't want to follow me ever again. I agree. Husbands and wives should walk side-by-side. Please say you'll marry me." He bowed his head until his forehead rested on her knees. "I have loved you for so long."
OuYang XiaoDan looked down at his head. This elegant, beautiful man was really in love with her? "I hate you," she muttered.
"I will gladly accept all of your hatred." She felt something hot press against her left knee. And then her right. Two eyes, shining in the dark, peeked up. "I must be completely infatuated. Even kissing your knees I feel like vomiting butterflies."
"Vomiting butterflies…. Now there's an image I don't want stuck in my head."
"Then put me out of my misery," he shyly suggested. When she didn't respond, he put a hand on either side of her waist and tugged gently, starting to pull her off the rock. But her knees soon hit his chest and stayed tight together. He swallowed, hard, pushing down his desires. It would be so easy to force her legs open, slide her down into his lap, finally feel her body pressed flush against his. Finally feel if her lips were as soft as they looked.
He felt so inadequate; other boys had visited pleasure houses and knew what to do with women. He had never even stepped foot inside one to watch the dancers or listen to the music. Other boys read erotic novels on a regular basis; he hadn't read one since his teen years…. All of his dreams since meeting her at Koi Tower were full of this one woman in front of him; no book or prostitute was an acceptable substitute. He was working on instinct, and while his lower half was screaming to possess, his upper half was cautioning him to follow her pace….
For her part, XiaoDan didn't know what to do. Hearing this man tell her he loved her and wanted to marry her was a dream she thought was long out of reach. It wasn't ignorance or fear keeping her knees pressed together…. She was feeling a bit shy, though…. She had always envisioned their first kisses would be sweet and chaste, lips pressing together so briefly, like butterfly wings brushing the skin. They would walk side by side, fingers brushing 'accidentally' up against each other when they were in public. And holding hands when in private. As the weeks of their courtship went on, the kisses would become longer, more involved, until he finally couldn't take it anymore and pressed his tongue into her mouth…. And as their wedding day approached, he would become bolder, finding out of the way spots for them to be alone together, allowing his body to press up against hers, letting his hands wander over her clothing, arousing her, finally letting her feel how much he wanted her…. He was skipping all of those baby steps, and was asking her to skip directly to the 'straddle my lap' stage.
It was one thing to know there was a part of him that wanted to be inside of her body. It was another thing entirely to have it pressing up against her before she even got her first kiss! She closed her eyes, trying to decide if she wanted to find the courage to do as he silently asked. Something wet and cold landed softly on her wrist; she opened her eyes to see a few snowflakes floating gently in the air. She stretched out a hand to try to catch another snowflake, and saw she was still holding her birthday present. A way out… Opening the box, she ordered, "You can put these on me." She could see his hands trembling as he took each bracelet out and snapped them onto her wrists.
He looked up at her with such hope in his beautiful face. "XiaoDan… Does this mean you'll marry me?" She nodded yes, feeling shy.
Lan SiZhui smiled up at her until his face hurt, until his shins felt like they were frozen to the ground, until their shoulders were more than lightly dusted with snow…. He knew he was grinning like an idiot and he didn't care. It was only OuYang XiaoDan's hands shivering in his that brought him back to reality. He rocked back and upwards to stand, then helped to pull her up. "XiaoDan… I will do my best to make you happy…. I'll take you back, now, all right?"
"You owe me something first," she said softly.
He stretched out a hand to tilt her face up to his, mortified that it was shaking, and hoping that she thought it was from the cold. He closed his eyes as he leaned down and pressed a kiss to her skin. He'd missed her mouth entirely! Hoping to make it look deliberate, he tilted his head the other way and kissed the identical spot on the other side. Heart pounding so hard she had to hear it clearly, he slid his mouth the few centimeters necessary to place his lips properly on hers.
And now he had no idea of what to do…. His lips were closed tightly, as were hers. He felt more like a toddler kissing an unfamiliar relative than a husband kissing his wife! It wasn't like he hadn't seen people kissing, because he'd seen his fathers quite often. They, however, looked like they were trying to eat each other…. He was quite sure XiaoDan was not ready to be eaten like that…. He wasn't all that sure that he was ready to be eaten like that!
No… that was a lie…. He was uncomfortably eager to be eaten. In any manner she wanted!
He pulled back slightly to apologize, "I'm sorry… this was my first kiss…. I really don't know what I'm doing…." He frowned, "I forbid you from telling your future husband about that kiss…."
XiaoDan smiled, absurdly happy with the awkward and slightly dissatisfying kiss. "Are you planning on being a dictatorial husband? I won't let you decide everything, you know…. You'll just have to do better next time."
"Not here… you're cold." He held out his hand. "Come with me. There's a place where we can get out of the snow." Half pulling her, he walked over to a small shed. "We store archery equipment in here," he mentioned. Once inside, he lit a fire talisman and used it to find a few candles. "Baba, however…." He rummaged through a few crates until he found what he was looking for: blankets. "Baba only lived in Cloud Recesses for a month; while he was here, he taught archery." He laughed softly. "Baba would sneak naps in here while the junior disciples were practicing. He hid these in here." He sniffed one. "It's a bit musty, but it's clean enough. No bugs, at least." He wrapped one blanket around XiaoDan's shoulders, folded another and placed it on a box. "Hop up."
OuYang XiaoDan blinked up at him. "What?"
"Sit there."
"Why?"
"So I don't hurt my neck." When she remained standing, he suddenly slid his hands into her armpits and picked her up to plop her on top of the box. "There. Much better." Their faces were now almost level with each other. This time when he leaned in, he kept his eyes open so he could see where he was going. He started out with little pecks, featherlite kisses. And discovered that if he dragged his bottom lip just a tad bit harder, not only did he feel it everywhere, it made her breathing become just a bit more ragged. He finally pulled back enough to rest his forehead on hers, in an attempt to calm his frantically beating heart and aroused body. "Did I do it better this time?"
OuYang XiaoDan felt like a piece of her soul had gone flying away. She raised a hand to her heart, "We shall never again refer to that first attempt as a kiss."
He laughed, "XiaoDan… my love…. Would you mind very much if we had a short engagement? I've waited two years for you and you've waited eight for me…."
"How short is short?" OuYang XiaoDan smiled.
"Well…. My Uncle XiChen married a few hours after getting engaged…. That is too short. My fathers were engaged for a month…. I think that's too long."
"A month is too long?"
"XiaoDan… I want everyone to know I'm yours. I want for you to be mine. Unless you really want a grand ceremony and reception that will take months to plan…."
"I am more concerned with our parents taking months negotiating betrothal gifts and searching for an auspicious date." she muttered.
"Any day that I am lucky enough to marry you is already an auspicious wedding date."
She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in for another kiss. Against his lips, she whispered, "I love you, my SiZhui."
A/N. Dear readers…. Thank you so much for your support. We are approaching the end of my story. Three more chapters until the end. I know, I know. It was only supposed to be 2 more, but I was at 4500 words on what was intended to be the last chapter and not even halfway through my thoughts, so I've split that into two parts.
It has been an amazing journey, personally…. And I thank each and every one of you for traveling down this road with me.
