Word Count: 4,689
Warnings/Spoilers: This chapter includes references to nightmares and concerns about suicide as a result of the tsunami.


When the shift rotations for the final week and half of the month were announced, Buck couldn't decide if he'd rather have worked the actual day of the tsunami anniversary instead of working the day before. It meant he was free for the anniversary and Buck…really didn't know how he was going to cope with it.

Bobby tried to convince him to put in a leave request and Buck was almost tempted because he knew he wouldn't be at his best. Ever since the mini pool at Hen's place two and a half weeks prior, he'd felt more on edge than usual. He knew he'd regressed in his fear of water. He'd begun hating the shower again, struggling with the feeling of his skin being wet. He'd stopped washing dishes a week ago and even the damp towel to do the drying made him feel sick. A couple of days ago, Eddie hadn't turned a bath faucet far enough so there'd been an irregular drip…drip…drip drip… that had nearly made Buck grind his teeth into dust in an attempt to stop it bothering him before he'd finally lost it and practically shoved Eddie off him so he could turn the faucet far enough that there was no more dripping noise to reverberate around his skull.

And that said nothing for the restless nights where he'd woken with Christopher's name on his lips.

Eddie had the patience of an absolute saint with how many times he'd sat up with Buck, running fingers through his hair and lightly kissing spots on his face while offering reassurances that Chris was safe, and everything was okay, and it had just been a bad dream.

So working the day before the tsunami wasn't exactly ideal, and he could understand Bobby's perspective, but the routine of going to work and the distraction of calls was a form of therapy in its own way. Besides, what was the alternative? Take the day off to sit at home with Eddie and Chris and think about nothing else but wave water for forty-eight hours? How did that seem like a viable alternative?

Besides, they were already a man down with Eddie so bringing in two floaters seemed…ill-advised.

So he'd gone into the station as timetabled and he'd focused as best as he could. Eddie had stopped by with Chris to provide cuddles, which had been decidedly short-lived before the interruption of another call. By the time he was clocking out at 8am the next morning, he felt like he'd accomplished the best job possible on each call given the anxiety that thrummed through his veins as he thought about the day that had dawned.

It was an anxiety Buck could clearly see reflected in Christopher's eyes when he swept the kid onto his hip and nuzzled kisses into his shoulder after Buck had spotted them waiting for him by the doors to the station.

"You three are so sweet, I'm going to need to visit the dentist for all the cavities," Chim called out as he, Hen and Bobby approached them.

Buck shifted Chris so he could flip Chim off, even as Eddie rolled his eyes and grasped his hand to cover it from innocent eyes.

"I'm seriously thinking you're the most jealous person around here, Chimney," he said and Chim shrugged, eyeing them up and down.

"Did you see your boyfriend at Pride?" Hen retorted.

It was Eddie's turn to wave his middle finger around, cheeks flushed, as Chris giggled something about "Dad did a naughty thing" into Buck's neck.

"Will we see you later?" Bobby said, the conversation switching tracks so fast that Buck felt like some of the gears in his brain locked together and got stuck.

He swallowed, glancing at Eddie who looked at him and squeezed his hand. "It's up to you, babe."

"What about you, little guy?" Buck asked, bouncing Chris until he met uncertain hazel eyes behind the lenses.

"I wanna go," Chris said resolutely, like he'd been saying all week when Buck or Eddie had asked him. "I'm gonna be with you the whole time, remember?"

Buck kissed his cheek and squeezed Eddie's hand before returning his attention back to Bobby. "Guess we'll see you later then, Cap."


'Later' rolled around too quickly as the crew from the 118 converged at one of the designated memorial locations four blocks from the ocean, five blocks south from where the pier had been. It was still too close to the water for Buck's liking. He could smell the salt in the air and he was convinced he could hear the sound of the water moving against the shore, but surely there was too much traffic noise and too many people milling around for that to be possible.

Buck could feel Chris almost vibrating against him with his own anxiety at the proximity to the water, and he wondered just how vivid Chris' memories of the event were. Even driving through the streets looking for a place to park had been enough for Buck to recognise some of the awnings of various stores. He'd stiffened at the memory of the staggering journey throughout the Santa Monica area in search of Chris, blood streaming down his arm and the scratches across his face that he hadn't felt until Hen started examining them. He hadn't been able to speak about the flashes of recollection but he knew Eddie had recognised his battle when a hand had touched his bouncing knee at a red light.

"How are you holding up?" Bobby said, touching a hand to Chris' back as Buck swayed slowly on the spot like there was a waltz only he could hear as he continued searching the assembled crowd for any faces he recognised from that fateful day. He doubted they'd be here – there were too many other memorial services planned – but that didn't stop him from trying to determine if he knew any of them.

"Not great," he admitted, because if it wasn't for Chris in his arms and Eddie at his side, he probably wouldn't be anywhere near a memorial ceremony. He probably would've locked himself in his apartment and covered his head with a blanket or something. "It- It's a lot to…to take in, being this close again."

Bobby nodded. "It always will be. It takes a lot of courage to come back here, kid."

"I can't even imagine being at the actual pier," Buck said, glancing across to where Hen and Karen were standing, each clasping one of Denny's hands. "The thought of going back there is just…" He shuddered, pressing a kiss to Chris' hair. Chris was so quiet that Buck knew he was struggling too.

"Maybe one day," Bobby said, clasping a hand against his shoulder. "For now, maybe this can close a chapter in your life and in the next twelve months, you'll start a whole new book."

Buck turned to Bobby with a slight frown before he caught where Bobby's eyes were drifting between Chris and Eddie, a quirk in his brows and a small smirk on his lips.

"Did you get that off the back of a Hallmark card or something?" he said as Bobby chuckled, squeezing his shoulder again before letting his hand drop.

"It was more likely on a fortune cookie," Bobby conceded and Buck felt some of the tension ease from his chest as he laughed.

The memorial ceremony began shortly after and Buck didn't know the person leading the event but he listened with his head bowed as the guy rattled off a series of numbers to do with the exact time the tsunami struck, and the number of injured, and the number killed. He tried not to think about how he and Christopher would have been included in that tally of injured, and how many of those killed were people on the pier with them, or people that floated past while he tried to play a game of I Spy with Chris. He listened to some of the words he'd heard before in the immediate aftermath, when victims had been giving statements to the media about the terror of being caught the water or their desperate search for family and friends.

The words that were chosen were so evocative, so haunting, that he clung to Christopher tighter when he felt the tears slide down his cheeks because it was so easy to remember what it was like to be unable to breath and to be completely focused on the safety of someone else. He'd never understand how he and Chris made it through when so many didn't.

"You're gonna be okay, kid," Chris murmured with a pat to his chest and Buck sniffled a wet sort of laugh. Apparently the sound alerted Eddie to the fact he'd started crying with his head bowed because then he had Bobby's arm stretching across his upper back, hand clasping at his shoulder, and Eddie's hand teased at the small of his back just above the waistband of his jeans.

He listened to the reading of a bunch of names and ages and he wondered if they were people he'd seen float past him that day in a tangle of limbs or maybe some of the people he'd helped rescue from the raging waters but who had been nameless and faceless because his attention had been on Christopher. Once he'd lost the kid over the side of the truck, no one else had mattered to him.

He listened to a little girl take the microphone, talking about how lucky she was to have survived. Chris' head swivel towards the stage to look at a kid who probably wasn't much younger than him. Buck listened to the kid's gratitude at being saved by a "very nice fireman" who had plucked her from the water, and if Bobby released a choked sort of breath then Buck pretended he didn't notice though he did wonder if they'd crossed paths.

It wasn't until three or four people had spoken that Buck actually looked up, eyes widening when he recognised the voice coming from the girl with the microphone in her hands.

"Victoria," he whispered, drawing Eddie and Bobby's attention towards him as he stepped forward instinctively, surprised that out of everyone he could have seen at this memorial, it would be her.

"I lost both my parents that day," Victoria said, her voice wavering as she focused on a spot somewhere above all the heads. "I guess I was lucky to survive when so many didn't, but I didn't feel lucky for a really long time. I didn't know why I'd been spared, and I still don't."

Buck swallowed around the tight pain cinching his throat, looking back at Eddie who seemed confused as he looked at the girl on stage. Right. So Eddie hadn't made the connection yet.

"I'll catch up with you in a bit," he said, tilting his head towards the stage.

"Do you want me to…?" Eddie said, nodding at Chris but Buck shook his head and the hands slipped off him as he slowly, slowly, slowly, moved through the gathered crowd.

"I'm still struggling, every day, but I- I'm going to college in the fall after someone told me I needed to keep fighting, just a little longer, and so I'm…" Victoria's voice broke and Buck felt something crack in his own chest as he got closer to the stage, gazing up at her while Chris clung to his shoulders to avoid being dropped. "I'm trying to do that, for my mom and my dad, for everyone who didn't make it that day, and especially for all of us that did. Thank you."

There was a bunch of applause and a few cheers and whistles as Victoria handed the microphone off to someone else. She wiped her eyes and cheeks, moving to the side of the stage and finally looking out towards the crowd, gaze sweeping across all the people.

And Buck could see the moment she spotted him, her mouth falling open and her eyes widening and then a shriek of "Oh my God!" interrupting whatever the next speaker was saying. She drew the attention of everyone back to her as she abruptly slid off the stage and threw her arms around Buck's chest, crushing Chris between them.

"I'm so glad you're here," she said, her arms trembling as he adjusted Chris so he could get an arm around her too. "I didn't- I never thought I'd see you again to say thank you."

He smiled through his own tears, rubbing her back gently. "I was just doing my job."

Victoria shook her head, releasing her grip on him and fixing him with a stare that was older than her years but no longer ringed with the despair he could remember on the overpass all those months ago. "You saved my life," she said, her cheeks flushed and her eyes swollen. "I couldn't thank you then but I can thank you now."

"Buck's a hero," Chris said between them and her eyes flashed to his, a more genuine smile spreading over her lips.

"Yeah, he is." Victoria gave Chris a little wave that Chris returned with a shy smile. "Is this your kid? He's cute."

Buck hesitated, because that was an area he and Eddie hadn't discussed despite how much love he had in his heart for this kid.

Chris giggled. "Buck's not my Dad, silly."

"My boyfriend's kid," he explained, pretending like Chris' words didn't hurt, just a little.

"I love him almost as much as my Dad, though," Chris added in a bright voice, and Buck's mouth opened and closed as he swallowed the tears that pricked his eyes at the sweetness of this boy.

"You know him, actually," Buck said after a beat, sorting through some of the fuzz that had encased his head during the call with Victoria. It had been so long ago, when he'd been in a totally different frame of mind. Sometimes it seemed like he'd become a different person. "He's my partner at the 118. He pulled us up."

"Yeah? The hot broody brunette one?"

He laughed, probably too loudly given the occasion was meant to be sombre, and Chris smothered giggles into Buck's chest. "Yeah, that'd be him."

She nodded with a slightly suppressed smile, a dimple in her cheek as her eyes flicked between Buck and Chris. "Good choice."

He bit the inside of his cheek so he didn't smile too wide, keeping Victoria with him until the memorial ceremony concluded and a plaque marking the time and date and location and casualties was unveiled – one in a series of plaques to be scattered along the length of the beach – and some of the crowd started to disperse.

"Hey, what are you doing the rest of the day?" he said when Victoria started to look restless.

"Um…" She turned her phone over in her hands and shrugged. "I…didn't really have plans. I wasn't sure how I'd be after this, honestly."

"I only got off shift this morning so Eddie and I are having an early dinner with a lady who took care of Chris when we got separated," he said, eyes darting across the heads in the crowd until he spotted Eddie and Bobby right where he'd left them. "Do you want to join us?"

"Oh no, I couldn't do-"

"I thought you said you weren't doing anything?" he said, arching an eyebrow at her.

Victoria wrinkled her nose, lips pressing together. "I wouldn't want to be a bother…"

"Nonsense." He shifted Chris' weight on his hip and held out a hand to her. "Join us?"

She eyed the hand for a moment, clearly uncertain.

"Fight a little longer together?" he teased and that seemed to work because she rolled her eyes with a faint smile and tucked her hand into his.

He led her back to where the crew were standing. Eddie still seemed confused as he looked Victoria over like he was desperately trying to place her and failing miserably.

"I clearly didn't make an impression on your hot broody brunette boyfriend," she joked and Eddie opened his mouth, looked at Buck, and snapped it shut again. Buck almost laughed at the speechlessness in his expression.

"I remember you," Bobby said quietly, her gaze swapping to him. "I'm glad you're still with us. How are you?"

She shrugged, her hand still grasped in Buck's, and he took the opportunity to pass Chris off to Eddie if only to give his arm a break because he now couldn't switch which side he was carrying the kid on. "Each day is a little easier, and still just as hard as the last," she said through a weak smile. "Coming here today was- It was important to listen to everyone, to try to heal some of the damage that the water caused."

Bobby nodded and extended his hand so that she could shake it, somewhat awkward when it clearly wasn't the dominant hand for either of them. "All you can ever do is make every day count," he said and she offered a stronger smile, releasing his hand to take in Hen and Karen and Denny gathered to one side with Chim, then to Eddie still gazing at her in consternation.

"Should we tell him or leave him to sweat it out?" Victoria asked Buck with a mischievous smile.

Buck grinned as Eddie's face fell into a frustrated pout. "Definitely sweat it out."


Chris immediately recognised Gloria and demanded her attention most of the late afternoon while they ate dinner, asking her what she had been doing in the year since the tsunami and then responding in kind when she inquired. Buck wasn't sure who had the dopier smile – Eddie or him – but it was a delight to see Chris feel so comfortable and safe with someone who had undoubtedly saved his life. Buck thought Gloria was probably sick of him saying thank you to her almost as much as he suspected Victoria wanted to make up for not showing any gratitude after the save at the overpass.

Which was, of course, made harder by the word games they kept playing with Eddie to avoid outright saying how they knew each other.

"So you said in your speech you're going to college?" he prompted as they waited on dessert.

"Just community college," she said, fiddling with her straw. "I managed to finish my senior year but most of my grades fell so my GPA was rubbish. The plan is to get some credits and apply for programs that will take the tsunami into account next year."

"That's great though, that you have a plan," he encouraged but she shrugged.

"Dad wanted me to go to Stanford or UC Davis or somewhere fancy and prestigious." She managed a small smile, tinged with pain. "I never knew what I wanted to do before the wave and I still don't know. College just seems like something I'm meant to do, you know?"

He nodded, mindful of Eddie's attention drifting between their conversation and the one Chris was having with Gloria on the other side of the table. "It took me a while to figure out what I wanted to do," he said and she glanced up at him, curiosity evident in her eyes. "My… My father had the same sort of expectation. I'd go to college, I'd graduate, I'd either return home or I'd get a job at some cool company and move up the corporate ladder."

"Well, you still climb ladders," she pointed out with a grin and he laughed.

"True, very true," he agreed. "But uh… My sister did the college thing and it just- It wasn't for me. I loved the learning but I hated the deadlines of assignments. I dropped out without telling him for a while, living out of my car while I worked odd jobs to save money. I did anything that was going, so sometimes it was cleaning someone's house and sometimes it was trying to sell insurance."

She was gazing at him with interest and he hoped he wasn't setting a bad example of how to grow up without the influence of parents restricting every movement, monitoring every thought. The lies he'd spun to his father about college had lasted a semester before he was found out, and then didn't hear from his father for another six months.

"Eventually, I ended up in South America. I travelled around and learned a bit about the world. It was a bit startling to realise it's so much bigger than me and I'm just a speck of dust in the universe that doesn't matter all that much."

Eddie's knee brushed against his and he smiled slightly, reaching out to clasp Eddie's hand in his own and squeezing. Trust Eddie to be hanging off every word even as his eyes were on his son.

"I kept moving around a lot and then I joined the SEALs. That didn't work out, and a year later I was trying out for the LAFD," he said with a shrug while Victoria nodded along, lips pursed in thought. "So go to community college, or go to college if you want. Graduate or don't graduate. It's really your choice to figure out what will make you happy and to pursue it, right?"

"I think that's the wisest thing I've ever heard you say," Eddie muttered and Buck elbowed him, making Victoria snort.

"Thank you," she said, returning the straw she had been picking apart to her empty glass and sitting back in her chair with a more relaxed set to her shoulders. "That's… It's comforting to know finding what you want isn't always easy."

"See? I can give good advice," Buck said to Eddie, who smiled fondly and kissed the back of his hand.

"I never said you couldn't do that, babe."

"You literally-"

Eddie hushed him with an index finger against his lips and Victoria chuckled.

"You two are cute," she said and Buck grinned at her as he met Eddie's eyes, feeling a little like he was a dopey, lovesick fool.

"Yeah, we've heard that before."


"So how do we know Victoria?" Eddie said as Buck let less tired hands peel the buttons of his shirt open.

The twenty-four shift combined with an additional twelve hours of memorial ceremony and dinner with Gloria and dropping Victoria off at a share-house she was living in with a bunch of other kids her age had completely caught up to Buck and he was only too happy to have Eddie's hands undress him, even if he expected Eddie would be left disappointed because Buck had absolutely no interest in doing anything other than cuddling tonight.

"I'm amazed you haven't figured it out," Buck said with a yawn, shifting his arms so Eddie could push the fabric off his shoulders. "I thought your memory was better than mine."

"Haven't the two of you humoured me long enough?" Eddie complained, fingers catching at the hem of Buck's tank top.

"What? You weren't having fun?"

Eddie tugged the fabric over his head, fixing Buck with a surly glower. "She's too young to be someone you dated but you clearly had a connection through the tsunami."

Buck hummed, tangling fingers into Eddie's Henley and feeling some of the faint curves of muscles in his abdomen that had begun to return now that Eddie had resumed training again in preparation for the recertification test. "Actually," he said as Eddie's index finger traced over the lines of the tattoo on his right pec, "we didn't meet during the tsunami."

Eddie frowned. "But- Wait- You what?" He met Buck's eyes, the confusion he'd worn most of the day returning tenfold. "But all the stories-"

"Were mine, and maybe hers. In the chaos of the day, everything has the same sort of feeling." He shrugged, knowing about some of the insane saves Eddie had made like scaling the Ferris wheel or performing CPR underwater. For those of them that had been swept away in the water and doing anything it took to survive… There were a lot of overlaps. That was why it was so hard to hear about a survivor or someone who hadn't survived, because there was no logical reason why some had made it out and others hadn't.

"So?"

Buck sighed, some of the humour deflating out of him as his eyes wandered away from Eddie's. "She was the girl on the overpass last year," he said quietly, waiting a beat, and then another, and then he felt when Eddie's posture shifted because he remembered. Eddie's hands slipped from his chest to his waist, thumbs tickling over Buck's ribcage as he gripped Buck tightly.

"I was so scared for you that day I barely even paid attention to her," Eddie murmured and the confession surprised Buck so much he tilted his head, allowing himself to meet sad brown eyes. "I didn't know how to talk to you after that elevator call and you were so…" A crease appeared between Eddie's brows, his lips pressing together as he inhaled shakily. "I knew I was losing you, and it was so much worse than the lawsuit because with the lawsuit, I wasn't allowed to talk to you and I couldn't see you, but that time was… It was so much worse."

Buck could feel the faint tremble in Eddie's fingers and he ran a hand up Eddie's torso to rest against his heart. "I'm okay," he reassured but Eddie shook his head, eyes glittering.

"You weren't then."

And Buck couldn't have denied it even if he'd wanted to. They finished undressing and pulled on sweatpants or shorts for Christopher's sake and then Eddie extinguished the light to join Buck under the blankets. Eddie pressed as much of his chest as he could into Buck's, folding arms around his waist and clearly needing the skin-on-skin contact. He was still shaking and Buck skimmed his fingers through Eddie's hair, finding the ridge behind his ear and tracing his thumb over the spot and down to his jaw.

"I remember you sitting on that ledge," Eddie said softly, as some of the tightness in his muscles loosened. "I remember tightening the ropes because I thought you were going to jump too."

Now that Eddie mentioned it, Buck could remember the warning tug when he'd sat beside Victoria with his feet hanging off the edge. He couldn't particularly remember what he'd said to Victoria but it would've been some sort of story about their shared trauma. Anything to get her away from the edge. Anything to get her to listen.

"I-" Eddie's voice wavered and Buck kissed his head, his temple, random spots on his hair. "What I said before? About it being worse than the lawsuit? It… It was because I was watching you disappear in front of my eyes, Ev. I- I didn't think I'd ever get you back."

Buck touched his palm to Eddie's face, using it as a guide to determine where Eddie's mouth was and kissing him. Kissing him until Eddie's body shivered, kissing him until Eddie no longer seemed in danger of snapping because he was coiled so tightly around his fears, kissing him until Eddie's clinging hold had lessened.

He twitched when Eddie's index finger slipped over the dips and hollows of his torso, too exhausted to really think about sex. But the touching was nice. The touching he could enjoy.

"I'm here now," Buck whispered, the pads of his fingers tracing the underside of Eddie's jaw. "We worked it all out in the end, didn't we?"

"Yeah." Eddie nodded, pressing a lighter kiss to the edge of his mouth. "Please never scare me so badly on a call again that I don't even pay attention to our vic."

Buck managed a huffed laugh, incredibly aware of how low Eddie's fingers were circling on his hip and starting to revise just how exhausted he might be. "You have to get back to work first."

Eddie grunted. "Soon, Buckley. Soon."


~TBC~