We are getting soooo close... :D
Enjoy!
M.
PS: I'm quite sure there will be answers to your doubts at some point :D
Chapter 72
Saturday, October 20, 2012
As she had promised Jack, she over thought for both of them. She didn't check the message on her phone until she parked in her driveway. She knew it was just a reminder of his birthday as if she needed one.
Dismissing the message. She rushed inside and made a beeline for her room. Only stopping for a second to check on their daughter. Her daughter, Parker, was peacefully sleeping, clutching the one teddy bear that had survived her first years. That teddy bear, a doll hidden inside her closet, and Sam were the only real constants in Parker's life.
Closing the door, Sam thought she would've loved to have her little family reunited. That wouldn't be what happened to them, it seemed. After all, Jack had only mentioned their daughter when he had invited her to his party. Then when Parker's pajama party was brought up during that party.
She got to her bathroom, losing her clothes quickly. Opening the shower as hot as she could. She wasn't going to cry, not tonight. She simply needed to clear her mind and somehow forget how his hands felt all over her body. How he had filled her so perfectly once again. How his weight had made her feel warm and loved as he panted his exhaustion into her neck.
Shivering, she remembered every detail of the night. She knew she would dream about it all over again. Only to wake up needing him more than she already did. She had unconsciously driven there and consciously taken the steps to make love to him in that way. Hoping that he wouldn't throw her away and break her already battered heart once more.
What could they do now? What should she do? Try to salvage whatever was left of their marriage? At least, the sex part of it seemed to be in prime condition. Should she keep herself away from him? Should they start some sort of weird we-are-still-married-but-we-only-want-to-fuck-each-other-senseless kind of affair?
She sucked her lower lip and could almost taste him on her lips. It was still swollen by the brusque make-out session that had taken over them. She wondered if there was a moment in which they would fall into the slow, romantic pace of lovemaking… But then, she remembered their week together and how it wasn't so slow but rather harsh, crude, and completely breathtaking. Unless they were so devastated by the turn of the events that they wanted to prolong every second into hours. Either way, it was always honest. It was always so them, that she couldn't remember anyone who had understood her so well.
Even now, he hadn't hesitated. He hadn't asked. He hadn't wondered if it was right, or if she was sure. He just took what she had offered with the same ease she had offered it, to begin with. He had groaned and panted right along with her and had enjoyed every short-lived second of their mating.
She shook her head. Would it be obvious they'd had a quick romp at his house for his birthday the next time they saw each other? Would it be noticeable they had given in? Would it raise questions about their involvement or how it would affect the future of the program and HWS?
Sam only knew the answer for the latter, it wouldn't. When they assigned her there, they knew she was married to him. Now, the other two…. She sighed. She did a quick job of cleaning herself before donning her pajamas.
There was one thing that this had opened for her. She knew that for him; she was still Samantha Carter. His Carter. His Sam. Now, she only needed to find herself in there. So, she took the first step.
She walked down to the living room where all her Sam Carter boxes lay still abandoned and closed. Still with the dust of the years piled on top of the ones that were on top. She caressed the lid of the first one she saw.
The bigger part of unboxing Sam Carter had happened a day or two after the arrival of her old stuff. She had called the Salvation Army center she'd seen, and they had collected the old albeit almost unused furniture that had cluttered her garage.
She grabbed the top box and lowered it on the floor near the couch. Then decided she needed another drink for this to happen. She walked to the kitchen. Smiling as she found the same whiskey Jack loved. That she had learned to love during the years, if only because it reminded her of him.
With a tumbler in hand, she walked back to the living room. Then observed the box sitting next to her feet for a second. She took a sip, then slowly peeled the box open. There wasn't much in there, just clothes she was sure wouldn't fit anymore.
She went through it anyway. Only to find a black turtleneck that was a couple of sizes too big for being hers. She frowned. The rest of the clothes she'd found looked like hers. So, she took a quick look at the top. She shook her head when she saw the 'property of Jack O'Neil' stamp and grinned.
"It must be one of those he had lent you on a mission and you never returned it." She smiled fondly at nothing at all. Folding it back, she placed it to her side and then fit everything back else back inside. She closed the box and moved it close to the entry. She would take that and whatever else she found to the Goodwill. Most of the stuff she had was barely used. Back then, she used to spend so much time on base that her civvies rarely saw the light of day.
She took another sip of her drink and found another box. More clothes, winter ones, it seemed. She found a black parka that she used to love and set that one aside, too. She found a hoodie that was also Jack's. "Never date an apostrophe, they're too possessive." She chuckled at that.
She remembered how she'd acquired that one with a fond smile. It was a team night back at his house. It had been a warm day, so she was wearing a tank top. As the sun set, the temperature lowered more than they thought it would. Janet had found something to wear in her car, but they had just driven to his house from base in Janet's car or Jack's truck.
Janet had searched for something in her car that would fit Sam, but it was almost impossible because of their obvious size difference. So, Jack had presented her with that hoodie. She had worn it that night, and she tried to return it before she left.
"Nonsense, Carter… You are going to freeze to death before you get home. Besides, it looks better on you." He had shrugged it off, and she ended up with a new comfort hoodie. She shivered when she also remembered how he had hugged her that night as they exchanged half-drunken goodbyes.
Jack's eyes had found hers as he grinned. "You know, someone said that I'm an apostrophe." He announced out of the blue. "Dateable… But an apostrophe none the less."
"An asshole, Jack… Someone said you're an asshole." Daniel grinned.
"Yeah, someone said that too."
Sam had shivered. It was just a few days after she'd got trapped behind that stupid wall and he wouldn't leave her. So, she knew there was a warning there. She just knew he was telling her that he was possessive.
She took a deep breath to bring herself out of that memory. Truth was, she had dated and gotten engage to a possessive man before. Jack was nothing like him. Jack was a gentleman through and through. Although he liked to pretend that he was an ass.
The next box she found was heavier. It was a collection of her books. She took some aside, those that had belonged to her mom and her dad from before, and left the rest in the box. Someone would find a better use for those than she.
Her drink was almost finished, and there were still plenty of boxes. "One more and then to sleep." She said to no one and picked one up. It had a fragile sign. She hoped whatever it was inside was still in one piece.
She took a deep breath as she found it was the contents of her mantle. A vase from her mom, one that had been in her family for generations, and somehow it was still intact. She placed it on the coffee table, deciding she would find a place for it come morning. Then she took the first picture frame.
A picture of her parents' wedding. She set it down and grabbed the next one. It was a picture of Mark and his family. She gulped when she picked up the next one. It was a picture of SG-1. She took a couple more out before she dropped them back in the box and took the box to her room.
Pictures of her past. Did she need them at all? Did she need to remember what was so lost? What was so different from her current life?
She opened her closet and lowered the box to the floor. As she came up, she found another box. One that she had clutched tightly to for eleven years. Her lifeline. Truth was, that her past was what gave her this future. The memories in that tiny box were a reminder of the memories that had been hidden in bigger boxes, like the one she'd just opened.
Grabbing the smaller box, she closed the closet and walked to her bed. She took the contents of the box and observed them.
A blue pebble that Teal'c had mentioned reminded him of her eyes. It reminded her of his kind ways.
A scribbled piece of paper with Daniel's handwriting that was a nerd joke, like many they used to share.
A drawing of a stick figure that looked nothing like herself but reminded her of her only Goddaughter. The scribbling of Cassie's name on Janet's penmanship also reminding her of her best friend.
Her mom's watch, with her dad's dedication engraved forever on the back. That had reminded her of her family.
Finally, her eyes landed on the abused pen. One that she had placed on the B-3 lab back in the day. Jack had used it to keep his hands busy.
She searched for her ring. It was still attached to the chain that now also held her dog tags and pressed it tightly to her heart. These small pieces of her past, added with the memories she held of those happy years, were what brought her here. They were what had kept her going.
"I think I've finally found something that I'm proud of." She said. With a smile, she placed everything back into the small box. She would get to those in the morning. She would finally have something to display in her office.
Maybe Samantha Carter wasn't as lost as she thought she was. Maybe, just maybe, she was just hiding in plain sight. Hoping that for once someone else would come to save her.
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Jack wasn't sure how he had allowed her to go out of his house. He had struggled with himself not to follow her home. Not wanting to figure out what or who was behind the message that had illuminated her screen.
"Lucky bastard," he muttered to the lucky man. Who had fathered a daughter with his wife when he himself couldn't.
He poured himself another glass. Enjoying the rich flavor of the whiskey she had given him for his birthday. It was his favorite. One, he had stopped drinking, if only because it reminded him of her, and the way she scrunched her nose up, those first times she'd tested it until she learned how to like it.
Lowering himself on the recently abused couch. He raised his legs to the coffee table and shook his head. Fuck, that had been amazing! A great way to start his sixties. At the same time, it was worrying. What good could come out of a quick albeit amazing romp with his wife? When they were barely speaking two words outside the base?
Maybe he needed to get his head out of his butt and confront her. He snorted before he took a sip of his drink. He'd tried confronting her before, and that had ended up with him finding her on the phone. A huge smile plastered on her face as his heart crashed while learning she had a daughter.
"Huge smile? Was she even smiling then?" He mumbled. He couldn't remember, what he could remember was the bitter taste of jealousy. When he noticed that someone had gotten all he had lost. That, someone, had a child with her and was now giving her a life in a house he used to call home.
Rubbing his face tiredly. Wondering if things would go so wrong for them once again. If they would end up having some sort of a dirty affair in the dark. To quench that thirst for each other, that only seemed to escalate whenever they touched.
He knew without a doubt, the next time he saw her, he would feel the need to push her up against a wall, and have his way until she screamed his name in the midst of passion. He wouldn't. He was going to fight his needs. He would fight the dependency he had of her moans, pants, and groans. He wouldn't let what they have become something dirty.
No, they had fought too hard with themselves for years. If she wanted this. If she wanted him… She'd better clear the way. He wouldn't destroy the happiness of someone else. Just because he was an ass who couldn't control his dick when it came to her. "Nope, no, siree." He said, downing the new glass in a swift motion.
With his mind set, he walked to his room. He would fly to Minneapolis in the morning. Drive the few hours separating him from this cabin with a rental. All his desire for driving alone to Minnesota was gone. He didn't need the space to be alone anymore. Truly, he only needed her, again.
Truly, he wanted her forever.
