CHAPTER 44
When they said goodbye to Fergus and Marsali, Claire advised Brianna to wait downstairs as not to dumbfound the two with the sudden appearance of her and Jamie's daughter and no explanation yet on how she got here. But Jamie and Claire highly suggested they come visit sometime soon, certain they would know what to say by then. The now group of six then headed to the Sally Ann to sail home.
Skylar stood on the dock by herself while the others got situated on the boat. Seeing it earlier in the day had not helped the way she wanted it to. She found it was still horribly difficult to set foot on it. She was in a trance staring at the wall Stephen Bonnet had her pinned against as he attempted to have his way with her. Pictures in her mind kept flashing between her assault and seeing him last night at record speed. But she was brought out of the trance by a hand on her shoulder. She looked to who it belonged to and saw it was Jamie.
"Ye ken yer more than welcome te ride back home wi' me in the wagon," he offered. "I'd be verra glad'a the company." Jamie had volunteered to be the one to drive the wagon with their belongings and horses and would meet the boat in Cross Creek to collect his family and ride the rest of the way with them.
Skylar had considered it before but ultimately declined the offer. "No, I need to do this. I need to show him that he can't control the rest of my life."
"You are far braver than many could ever hope te be, mo nighean." He gave a long kiss to her head and touched her face tenderly, then went onto the boat to see Claire and Brianna before he left.
Skylar took a large breath in and hesitated letting it out. She was trying to get her feet to move, but they were stuck in place. Ian came out of the cabin and saw her standing there. He went to her and said, holding out his hand, "Will ye give me the honor of helpin' the fair maiden aboard her grand ship?" Looking into his bright eyes and seeing his contagious smile just for her helped to settle her anxiety and she gave a very small smile back. "Or would ye rather I carry ye across this makeshift threshold as practice fer the real one?" That made her smile grow into almost a full one. She took his still outreached hand and she made it onto the deck.
In the few seconds that she was on the boat, she got significantly paler. He could feel her hand that he was still holding start to shake and her eyes were darting around like she was looking for signs Bonnet was there. He pulled her into him and lifted her chin up to look at him. He placed her hand on his chest and put his own on top.
He spoke quiet enough so that only she could hear him. "Feel me heart, Yank. Just focus on it's beatin'. Don't look around. Look nowhere but in me eyes, aye? Ye and I are the only people in the world. It's only us."
They stood in silence for many minutes, just looking at each other. Skylar hardly blinked. She pressed her hand harder into his chest to feel each beat, beat, beat, and felt soothed by the steady rhythm.
Feeling more calm, she closed her eyes and rested her head on his shoulder, nuzzling her nose against his neck.
"I love you," was all she could think to say to him.
"There are no words that could do justice fer how I feel fer you." He brushed his fingers through her hair and Skylar was sure she could have fallen asleep right there if she wanted to. But she was woken up by Jamie coming to them, saying how he would meet them soon. Once he was off the boat, Captain Freeman signaled to Eutroclus to start moving.
Skylar and Ian stayed in the same spot and just watched the water in front of them. But after a little bit of time, Skylar decided she wanted to go inside for a while. Ian put his arm around her waist and led her to the door. They walked past Lizzie who, unnoticed by them, had been standing a few yards away from them, constantly making quick glances at the two; or just at Ian, in actuality.
They had barely passed through the doorway when Skylar stopped short. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to intrude." Claire and Brianna were sitting on one of the beds attached to the wall and looked like they had been talking.
"Oh no, dear, you're not intruding at all," Claire assured her.
"I was just coming in to…i-it doesn't-it doesn't matter. I'll just be outside." She started to leave but Claire called to her.
"Skylar, you absolutely can be in here. It would actually be good if you were. You can help explain some things to Bree."
"I'd love to talk to you some more, so please come in," Brianna added.
"I'll go see if Captain Freeman needs any help wi' the rowin'," Ian stated. He kissed Skylar's cheek and she pecked his lips. "Come, Rollo," he called to the dog who had been lying by Claire and Brianna's feet. But hearing his name, he jumped up and followed Ian out.
Skylar went to the other bed, but Claire stopped her. "No, no. Come sit with us."
As Skylar sat, she looked down to the side and saw a couple remaining small red dots. She knew it had to be Lesley's blood that just refused to come up. She gripped the edge of the bed tight, but relaxed when she felt Claire's hand on hers.
"How are you, Skylar? Are you alright?"
"So far. Hopefully it sticks."
Claire quickly changed the subject to get Skylar's mind off Bonnet. "Now, I was just about to tell Bree that you got here the same way she did. Would you like to take over that story?"
"Wait, you're a time traveler too?" Brianna whispered so the ones outside wouldn't hear. Skylar nodded. "You went through the stones?"
"I did."
"So…what year are you from?"
"2019."
The redhead's mouth dropped nearly to the floor and her eyes went so wide they could have fallen out of her head. "Two…two thous-two thousand and nineteen?"
"Dad had the same reaction when I told him."
"I just…we need to have a few hours where I can ask you the million questions that are listing in my head right now."
Skylar giggled. "I'm sure we can find some time for that if you want."
"How did you get here then? I mean, I know you said Craigh na Dun, but why were you in Scotland?"
Skylar then went into her story of how it happened, finding Jamie and her decision to stay in the 18th Century.
"That's incredible," Brianna commented when she was done. "I knew what I was getting myself into so my experience is way less interesting."
"You time traveled from the 1970s through hard cold stone to the 1760s. There is nothing 'less interesting' about that. But, why did you come?"
Brianna then explained her own story about the obituary and needing to come to warn Jamie and her mother in hopes of preventing it from happening.
"What an idiot printer," Skylar said in response. "For one, making a rookie mistake like that, and then two, going ahead and publishing it. Jeez, just take the time and redo it. I made plenty of smudges when I was helping Dad in Edinburgh and I always fixed it. But, at least you know the first part of the date."
"We're going to be sure that this doesn't come to pass," Claire said. "It'll be the one piece of history we'll be able to prevent and change." She looked back to her blood daughter to ask, "Did you tell Roger you were coming here?"
"No, I didn't. I didn't want him to know. But he found out and he followed me here."
"Is Roger your boyfriend?" Skylar asked.
"Um…no, he's not."
Claire wanted to get more information on Brianna's previous statement. "Roger's here, in North Carolina?"
Brianna's voice dropped with clear sadness and regret. "Not anymore. I didn't want him to follow me. This was something I wanted to do on my own. But somehow he managed to find me in Wilmington. God, I was so mad at him that he risked his life…But also really happy to see him." Though the tone of her voice was darker, the slight smile she gave when talking about him showed how she really felt about him. And Claire could see that.
"You're in love with him," she said simply.
Brianna confirmed that with a, "Yes. We were handfast."
"But you said he's not here anymore? Where did he go?" Skylar questioned.
"We got into this huge fight. And now he's headed to Scotland and back through the stones."
"Over one argument?" Claire pushed.
"We were both upset. He threatened to and I told him to go ahead, that I didn't need him here. I should have gone after him."
Skylar tried to be optimistic. "He may not have gotten far. He could still be in Wilmington. When we get home, we can write to Fergus and Marsali and they can ask around about him."
"It's too late. He sailed away this morning. It's my fault."
"Oh, Bree." Claire put a hand on her cheek and stroked her with her thumb.
"I missed you so much, Mama."
"I've missed you too, my darling." The mother and daughter hugged tight, and Skylar just inched herself away, feeling like an awkward third wheel. She looked out the door and saw Ian sitting at the front of the boat with Rollo. She also saw Lizzie close next to him and gazing at him. The jealousy came rushing back.
"I think I'm gonna go outside for a bit. I'm feeling lightheaded in here," she told the other two, the excuse not even being a lie. She was feeling a little lightheaded from just being on the boat and thought the air and moving around would help. Getting in between Lizzie and Ian was a bonus.
"I'll come with you. I could use some air too," Brianna followed and the two girls stood up.
"I'll get our beds and lunch prepared," Claire said.
"I'll send Lizzie in to help you."
"Good idea," Skylar agreed, happy that Brianna found a way to get her away from Ian.
Ian looked over his shoulder when he heard footsteps and smiled at seeing Skylar. He stood up and took her in an embrace. He looked down to her and asked, "How are ye doin', my love?"
"I'm perfect whenever I'm next to you," she replied and he leaned down to her to kiss her.
Brianna chuckled. "You two are cute."
The couple in question separated just enough so that Ian could put his arm around her shoulders and Skylar could hold his waist.
She smiled up at him and said, "We try." Ian kissed her head.
"How long have you been together?" Brianna wanted to know.
"Since last April, so a year."
"Though we wasted plenty'a months as 'just friends' and bein' too scared te say anythin' te one another," Ian added.
"We don't think about the before time."
"You're lucky to have each other." Skylar could see and hear Brianna's sadness over losing the man she had talked about, Roger.
"If Roger loved you enough to chase you down from Scotland to Wilmington, he's not going to give up on you after one fight. He'll come back, I know it."
"Who's Roger?" Ian asked.
"Long story," was all Brianna said and she just looked out to the view in front of them. "It's so beautiful here. Very peaceful."
"Yeah," Skylar breathed out, involuntarily tightening her hold on Ian.
"I get a chill down my back when we pass through here," he said.
Brianna looked at him. "Why?"
"The first time we made this journey, somethin' terrible happened. We were robbed. The bastard and his men took everythin' we had." Skylar closed her eyes and concentrated on taking even breaths in and out as he went on. "The worst of it is that Uncle Jamie had helped this criminal te regain his liberty."
"I'm sure he was only trying to do the right thing," Brianna said to him.
"Aye. Couldn't have foreseen it. This man, Stephen Bonnet…" Skylar's breathing stopped at hearing his name and she clenched her eyes even more, "he had a…a way about him, ye ken? Irish Charm. He fooled us all. Except fer Skylar." She opened her eyes. "She somehow could see through him from the start. I wish we all could've." Brianna looked at the other girl and she was just staring blankly forward. Ian continued, "He slit our friend Lesley's throat right in front of Auntie Claire. And Skylar, he found her alone first and tried te-"
"Ian, don't," Skylar interrupted him. She didn't want to hear someone else talk about it.
He put his mouth on her head to kiss her again and spoke softly against it, "I'm sorry, Sky." She just nodded in response. She took her arm from him and took his hand. She squeezed it, giving him a half smile in forgiveness, then let go to cross her arms and look back out.
Ian finished the tale of that night with, "He stole Auntie Claire's weddin' ring too. Uncle Jamie's never fergiven himself." There was a long pause where no one said anything. Then Ian broke it with, "Are ye alright, cousin?" Skylar looked over in time to see Ian touch Brianna's arm and her flinch away from him. Ian retracted immediately. Skylar recognized the action too well from when she did the exact same thing right after Bonnet's attack.
Oh God, no, she thought, hoping she was wrong with her assumption.
"Sorry," Brianna apologized and tried to collect herself. "Sorry, it's just…you paint such a vivid picture. I can see it so clearly in my mind." Skylar knew she was lying but Ian didn't catch on.
"No, I'm sorry," he told her. "I didna wish te scare ye. Ye needn't worry. I'm sure tis only in our nightmares he can trouble us now, eh?"
"Youngin'," Skylar spoke up, putting a hand on his arm, "I think Rollo's getting hungry. Why don't you get him his lunch. I'll be in in a minute."
"Aye." He nodded to Bree and went inside with Rollo following close behind him.
When it was just Skylar and Brianna, Skylar waited a moment, then said, "He always means well, but sometimes when he gets started talking on certain things, it can be very hard to find his off switch." They both laughed quietly.
"He seems sweet," Brianna stated.
"He is. Very." Another brief silence passed.
"So, Stephen Bonnet, he…he hurt you?" Skylar breathed out a sigh at the memories. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, of course. I was just…I don't even know."
"It's okay." She swallowed. "He…violated me. But he didn't get as far as he was wanting to. There was a half second distraction and I got away. I still don't understand how that happened and I was able to. But it was the after that was almost worse. I felt so…dark and angry. Ian touched my arm after it happened and I pulled away from him like it was Bonnet reaching out for me. I couldn't see him or Dad for three days. I didn't come out of the cabin for that time too. I had nightmares for so long."
"But are you better now? Are you moving past it? Can you stop replaying it in your mind?" From the way she phrased the questions, it was obvious she was asking for herself as well as the teenager.
"I was. I was doing really well. I had stopped thinking about him."
"That's all past tense?"
Skylar looked behind her to make sure Claire and Ian were out of earshot. "I saw him last night. He saw me too and he came up to me and talked to me. He remembered me. And that…it's going to take me a while to get over it again. That's why I'm acting so off being on this boat."
"This is the same one it happened on?"
Skylar nodded. "It would've been hard for me to be here anyway, but seeing him made everything so fresh and so it's a thousand times harder."
"I'm so sorry, Skylar."
"There's no need. Hopefully he's out of our lives for good now." She looked at the newest time traveler next to her and she had the same blank stare Skylar was wearing just minutes before. There was definite trouble and pain behind her eyes and Skylar wanted to ask about it, if it was an unfortunate connection they shared to have both been assaulted. But she knew that that was not her story to pry out. When Bree was ready and wanting to talk about it, she would.
That night, Skylar and Ian slept in one of the beds with Bree in the other, and Claire and Lizzie slept on blankets on the floor beneath them.
Skylar had been able to make it through the rest of the day without any panic attacks or serious anxiety, so she was hoping that she would fall asleep easily. But while she did fall asleep, she was woken up from a nightmare that was, of course, starring Stephen Bonnet. She bolted straight up and looked around the dark room, trying to see if he was still nearby. She was panting hard and had a fine layer of sweat over her body.
When she realized it had only been a nightmare, she was relieved, but her nerves were still on high. She sniffed, trying to hold back from crying so she wouldn't wake anyone. She brought her knees up to her chest and laid her head on them. She gripped tight to her necklace and spoke to her mom silently, I want you here, Mom. I miss you so much and I need you. Come to me in a dream again, please. I need to see you again.
"Yank?" she heard Ian say next to her. She sniffed again and wiped her eyes. She felt him sit up. "What's wrong? What's happened?"
"I'm fine, Youngin'. Go back to sleep. It's nothing."
"It's clearly not nothin'. Come here." He hugged both arms around her and brought her head to his chest. She fisted onto his shirt and let herself cry. "Yer safe. I have ye. No one will ever hurt ye while I'm here." He gently rocked her and let out a soft "shhhh" to comfort her.
"Is he going to haunt me forever?" she thought out loud.
"When ye see him in yer dreams, remember what ye told me yer Ma would always say. She would hold ye tight and tell ye, 'Wherever ye thought ye were, we're both still here.'" He held her closer and put his cheek on top of her head. "Wherever ye thought ye were, we're both still here. I will always be here."
When they laid back down, Skylar stayed pressed against him. He rubbed up and down her back and very quietly sang to her You Are My Sunshine like she would do for him when he had nightmares. He did this over and over until she fell back asleep.
OUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDER
They reached Cross Creek without difficulty and Jamie was there waiting for them. Jamie had Ian take over driving the wagon with Bree and Lizzie riding in it while he, Claire and Skylar each took their horse.
Skylar tried to keep pace with the wagon. Lizzie couldn't take her eyes off Ian as they went and Skylar hated it. She kept remembering what those snobby women back at River Run had told her about their husbands cheating, that they were always drawn to the "shiny new toy." But it wasn't Ian that Skylar was worried about. She was sure that he would never be unfaithful to her. It was said "shiny new toy" that made her nervous, that she would try to find ways to be alone with him and attempt to draw him away from Skylar.
I'll just have to make sure she's never alone with him. If she tries anything on him…
They made a rest stop at what should be trademarked as Jamie's Cliff View. He took any opportunity to show it off and, of course, he wanted Brianna to see it.
Skylar stayed back with Ian, saying that she had seen it so many times she had every detail memorized. Unfortunately, Lizzie stayed with them as well. Skylar sat in the seat next to Ian while Bree was out and attempted at small talk with the Scottish girl, trying to force herself to not hate her so quickly for liking Ian. But it was hard when Lizzie would direct most of her side of the conversation to Ian. And he was completely oblivious.
To ignore it, Skylar looked to where Jamie, Claire and Bree were. She saw Jamie look at Brianna with so much love and joy, and she felt another ping of some emotion. It wasn't jealousy like with Lizzie flirting with Ian, but it made her chest get tight. She brushed it off when the three came back and they continued on.
When they made it back to the Ridge, Jamie went ahead of them and whistled. The cabin door opened and Murtagh came out. Skylar smiled at seeing him and that he was safe. She waited until after Jamie introduced Brianna to him before going to greet him.
"I'm so happy you're here," she told him, hugging him.
"It's verra good te see ye as well, lass," he said back. "And now that I'm here again and will be fer a while, we can pick up yer Gaelic lessons if ye want."
"Bu mhath leam. Tha mi air a bhith ag obair."
He chuckled. "Verra good. I'm impressed."
"I've had a good substitute teacher." She looked back to Ian working on getting their things out of the wagon.
"Oh, aye. I'm sure he's been more than willin' te give ye private lessons."
"Stop. We get more than enough grief from Dad."
"And now he's got another set of eyes fer when he's not around."
"Omigod," Skylar muttered under her breath and walked inside.
While unpacking, Claire noticed Lizzie was moving slow and was growing paler by the hour. She found that she had a slight fever, so she sent her to bed in the shelter and said she would come by later to check on her.
It was decided that Brianna and Lizzie would stay in the shelter and Ian and Murtagh would sleep outside until a second one was built and when one on Murtagh's own land was put together for him.
At dinner that night, Brianna told her new family all the details of her travels from Scotland, including her visit to Lallybroch.
"So ye met me Ma and Da, then?" Ian inquired.
"Just your father," Brianna answered. "Your mother was away helping with a birth. I'm sorry, I don't remember which of your siblings it was." Everyone laughed at that.
"Dinna fash. We'll teach ye all the names," Jamie said.
"Aye, could be ages learnin', mind ye," Ian warned.
"I haven't even mastered them all yet, plus the nieces and nephews. They're never ending," Skylar added.
"Yeah, I'm still having enough trouble with Fergus and…" She trailed off, not remembering the second name.
"Marsali," Claire reminded her.
"Marsali, yes."
"Ye'll meet them soon. We hope they'll move here in the Spring," Jamie went on.
"And hopefully they'll visit even sooner. Then you can meet their son, Germain, the cutest baby in the whole world," Skylar told her.
"I can't wait," Brianna replied. She then remembered something and turned back to Ian. "Oh, your father asked me to convey a message. Your mother would like you to write more often."
"I told you once a month was not enough," Skylar gloated. Ian rolled his eyes, annoyed at slightly embarrassed.
Jamie found it amusing. "Aw, yer ma chidin' ye from across the seas."
"Aye, and if ye have any sense ye'll pay heed, or no doubt she'll cross the sea herself," Murtagh continued to tease. "Been that way since she was a lass."
"I miss your mom. I would love for her to come here," Skylar said.
"Dinna even say that or it'll actually happen one day," Ian fought.
"What was Jamie like as a boy?" Brianna asked Murtagh.
Jamie groaned and stood up to start clearing the table. "Best clear away the cobwebs if yer te remember anythin' from that time."
Skylar seconded Brianna's request. "I'd love to know too. I've barely heard anything about Dad's childhood."
Murtagh decided on a story that they would all enjoy. "Well then, there was a time when wee Jamie was sent off te foster wi' his Uncle Dougal."
"Oh, Christ," Jamie mumbled, knowing whatever was coming would not be good.
"He was around 14 or so. Dougal had four daughters, and Tabitha was the first girl that Jamie ever kissed."
"Uh, she was the first girl te ever kiss me," Jamie corrected as he brought over glasses for whiskey. He continued the story. "I was carryin' two pails of milk fer her, and Tib took me by the ears and kissed me." He kissed Claire's cheek exaggerated to demonstrate. "Mind ye, I spilled the milk." He finished passing out the glasses and sat back down.
"A memorable first experience," Claire commented.
"Her mother caught us and told Dougal about it."
"Uh oh," Skylar laughed.
Murtagh took over again. "So the next mornin', Jamie wakes up te find Dougal standin' over him. Oh, they had a verra pleasant conversation. Dougal says that he would hate te think his nephew could take advantage of his daughter's feelin's."
"Sounds familiar," Skylar joked, putting her hand on Ian's shoulder and very delicately scratching it with her fingertips.
"That doesna sound so bad," Ian said.
Murtagh then finished the story. "Aye, but the whole time that Dougal was talkin', he had one hand on his dirk and the other one resting on Jamie's bollocks." Everyone at the table laughed at the image.
"I didna look at a lass again until I was 16," Jamie concluded.
"I want te hear more of these stories," Ian said.
"Plenty more where that came from, lad," Murtagh promised.
Jamie disagreed and put an end to it, nervous about what else his godfather could reveal about him. "I think that's enough stories fer one night."
Ian then noticed the fire in the fireplace was getting low, and he said, "I'll go fetch us some more wood fer the fire."
"I'll come with you," Skylar joined, and they stood up.
But as they past Jamie, he took hold of Ian's arm to stop him. "Just remember, lad, history has a way of repeatin' itself. And I would hate te think me nephew could take advantage of my daughter's feelin's."
"Omigod, can we please just go one day without you threatening him?" Skylar pleaded and pushed Ian forward and out the door.
They went to the pile of firewood and made a small pile of logs they would bring in. But they also took this rare moment to enjoy being alone. They sat with their backs against a tree, holding hands. Skylar put her head on his shoulder and he put his on top of hers.
"It's so unbelievable how Brianna was able to come back te Uncle Jamie and Auntie Claire," Ian said to her.
"It really is."
"I wonder why they've never spoken of her before."
"Maybe it was just too painful to, having to leave her behind so long ago."
"Maybe. But they're so happy now that she's here, aren't they? Uncle Jamie especially. It seems he couldna look at her teday wi'out tearin' up."
"Yeah, I'm so happy for him that he has her back." She went quiet for a while, and it was the kind of quiet that told Ian something was wrong.
"Are ye alright, Yank?"
"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"
"There's somethin' on yer mind. I know ye too well te think any different."
"It's…it's really nothing. It's stupid."
"Then we'll have a good laugh about it."
She tried to think of how to phrase it in the least ridiculous sounding way possible. "I'm just a little worried that now that Dad's real daughter is here, he might start loving me less."
"That's impossible, and ye ken that well. He's told ye time and time again that ye are as much his real daughter as if ye shared blood. He could never think otherwise or love ye wi' less than his whole heart. He would no have threatened me when we were comin' out here if he didna care about ye as his daughter still." She gave a small laugh. "Ye have nothin' te worry about. He'll be there as yer father te give ye away when we're married."
She lifted her head to look at him. "You're still ready to start talking about that?"
"Absolutely. I've been ready te have ye as my wife since the day I met ye." He kissed her, but she pulled away after only a few seconds.
"If we are going to start thinking seriously about it, we should still probably wait a bit to actually do it. Give Dad and Brianna a chance to get used to each other and for her to feel comfortable here before we cause even more excitement by dropping a wedding on them."
"Yer right, unfortunately. But the waiting will only make the actual day that much better and special."
She leaned in close to him, keeping her lips just millimeters from his without fully closing the space, and said to him, "And, of course, what comes after the wedding will be that much better from waiting too." She pressed her lips to his and they slowly moved with each other.
"What happened te we dinna need te wait until we're married?" he questioned when they broke it.
"I think we're going to have to at this point. With three new people living here, it's going to be even more impossible to find time to be alone for long enough. Plus, Murtagh told me that Dad is using him as another set of eyes to watch us, so we are never going to have a moment of privacy. But if we're getting married soon anyways, it won't be too painful to wait just a little bit longer."
"I suppose. But it's been painful as hell waitin' near two years."
"Two years? Have you been waiting since before we got together?" She put a hand on his upper thigh and placed feather soft kisses at the base of his neck.
She heard him let out a long quiet breath. "Ye ken I've been wantin' ye since I first set eyes on ye."
She whispered against his skin, giving him goosebumps, "And soon I'll be yours and only yours for the rest of our lives."
He brought his face back to hers and kissed her with eager excitement at that promise.
"Careful, you two," a voice called out, making them pull apart. They saw Claire standing in front of them with her arms crossed and a smirk on her face. "Jamie will have your head, Ian, if he catches you like this."
Both of their faces started to burn but it was dark enough that Claire couldn't see it.
"We'll be in in just a minute, Auntie," Ian told her, speaking rapidly.
"Well, don't forget the firewood. It was your excuse." Claire smiled at them and walked back inside.
"See? I told you. Not a moment of privacy," Skylar reiterated.
OUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDER
By the middle of June, the residents of Fraser's Ridge had settled into a new normal. It was extremely useful to have three extra sets of hands to take care of the land, and those three were more than willing to do whatever they needed to to help.
Claire had made Brianna a pair of pants too in order to make it easier for her to work. Skylar was shocked by how okay Jamie was with Brianna wearing pants when he nearly lost his head when she first had.
"It's probably because I don't have a boy around who always looks at me like he's undressing me in his mind," Brianna would joke. Skylar knew that was likely true, but she used Jamie's approval with Bree wearing pants to get away with wearing her own practically every day.
Skylar was finding a good friend in Brianna, and with Marsali in Wilmington, she was very happy to have another girl around her age to talk to. They would often do their chores and jobs together so they could hang out and get to know each other more. Skylar answered all of Brianna's questions about the mysterious and far-off 21st Century as best she could. She was glad she didn't have to explain cars and electricity to her like she had to with Ian. But everything else like cellphones and internet were so foreign and fascinating to Bree, and she hung onto every word the younger American would say.
Skylar would also help her with certain things that were harder for her to get used to; like doing laundry at the river, churning butter, having to hand stitch everything, etc etc. But Bree was also able to impart some wisdom onto Skylar by helping her with her shooting. The 18 year old was very surprised to say the least when she found out how skilled Bree was at using a rifle. And while she had gotten quite a bit better since her first time using a gun, she welcomed Brianna's advice open armed.
She was really enjoying having Brianna around and was beginning to think of her as a big sister almost. But being friends with Bree didn't do much to lessen the knot she felt in her stomach when she would see Jamie going out of his way to spend time with her and doing everything he could to bond with her. Especially when it cut into times when Skylar would usually have Jamie to herself. He had been saying often that he needed to reschedule whatever plans he and Skylar had for the day in order to be with Brianna.
The hurt that Skylar felt from losing time with Jamie made her feel insanely guilty.
Of course he wants to spend as much time with Brianna as he can. She's his daughter. And even though he's told me I am too, it's very very different. I wouldn't blame him if he started to think otherwise.
But the pair that she was not okay seeing spend time together was Ian and Lizzie. Over the near two months that she had been living there, it was beyond clear to see that Lizzie's crush on Ian was only growing. She was finding any excuse she could to be around him, even if it was to just be working outside at the same time as him where she could see him, or playing dumb to get him to help her with the most simple tasks. She would complement him constantly and always was the first one to jump up if he needed assistance.
Ian remained clueless about what was happening. He treated Lizzie kindly and acted as a friend to her, and Skylar knew Lizzie's feelings were not requited. But Skylar still did all she could to keep the other girl away from her boyfriend.
If she saw Lizzie approach Ian when she was with him, she would take his hand and lead him in the opposite direction. Or if they were working on something together and Lizzie came to see if they needed help, Skylar would very firmly say, "No, we're fine." She kept giving Lizzie the cold shoulder and would only interact with her when absolutely needed, and even then she was brief.
The others noticed what she was doing and would try to talk to her about giving Lizzie a chance and being friendlier towards her.
But she would always say, "As soon as she quits overtly flirting with Ian in front of me, I'll be nicer."
So the day that Jamie had her come to the still with him while Claire kept Lizzie at the cabin to work in the garden, she was grateful for every minute they were apart.
She and Jamie along with Ian, Brianna and Murtagh went to the still to brew the newest batch of whiskey a couple times a week. A few of the other settlers on the Ridge came by as well to bring the barley they had grown and to put in orders for casks.
The smell of the fresh barley used to make Skylar feel sick when she first was working with it, but she was used to it by now and liked helping to make the alcohol. Brianna had picked up how to do it quickly and seemed to like it as well.
"It's a far cry from the still cellar at Leoch," Jamie observed as they worked. "It does make whiskey though."
"Of a sort," Ian joked.
"Hey," Skylar shoved his arm teasingly. "I don't hear you complaining when we get to drink it. Then you can't get enough."
"So says the lass who used te not be able te take one swallow and hold it down."
She scoffed in fake offense. "How about you go do your work, hmm? You're distracting everyone." Ian smiled and winked at her, then took the bucket he was filling with barley over to Brianna to mix it. Skylar just laughed lowly to herself and went back to filling a second bucket.
Jamie went on explaining their system. "The farmers from the Ridge supply the barley, and then help me and Young Ian distribute the liquor."
"So, does everyone always call you Young Ian?" Brianna asked the one mentioned.
"When I was a bairn, it was Wee Ian," he told her.
"Aww, I could've called you Weein'. Still time to change it," Skylar said.
His head whipped around to her. "Absolutely not. Dinna even think about it."
Skylar bit her lip to hold in her laugh, trying to figure out when the perfect time to call him that would be.
"What's your nickname for him again, Sky?" Bree asked.
"Youngin'. I tried to call him Young Ian for a while but it took too much effort to say."
"And Youngin' is verra happy te have his Yank wi' him every day." He walked back to Skylar and kissed her cheek.
"Everyone always just calls me Bree," Brianna said. There was a pause where the three Scots all exchanged glances, and Skylar just looked down and pressed her lips together, her Gaelic lessons with Murtagh the reason she knew why they were all thrown.
Murtagh was the one to ask Jamie, "Is that what ye call her when ye shorten her name?"
"Aye," he replied awkwardly.
Bree was confused by their reactions. "Something wrong with 'Bree'?"
Skylar looked from Ian to Murtagh to Jamie, wondering if one of them would tell her.
But all Jamie said was, "No, it's a Scots words. Doesna translate."
Omigod, someone should just tell her. She'll probably think it's funny, Skylar thought as she took a cup from Jamie to try the whiskey.
Bree didn't ask any more about it and took a cup as well.
"Slàinte," the men said before they drank.
Skylar added a "Cheers," and they all took a sip.
It was too strong for Brianna as she started coughing after half a sip.
"You'll get used to it, I promise," Skylar told her. "It gets drunk like water around here, so you kinda have no choice."
"Glad to know," Brianna said back, still chocking slightly.
That night, after Jamie and Claire had gone inside to bed, Skylar stayed around the fire with Ian and Brianna. Murtagh's shelter was completed on his own tract of land he retired to that, and Lizzie had gone to bed as well, which Skylar was more than glad for.
"So, what does 'Bree' mean in Gaelic?" Brianna decided to ask when the three were alone. "I don't think Jamie's going to tell me, so I was hoping one of you could. Is it, like, an insult or a bad word?"
"No, no, nothin' like that," Ian told her.
"Okay, then what does it mean?"
"A 'Bree' means a disturbance," Skylar translated.
"A disturbance? That's it?" Skylar nodded. "Why didn't he just tell me that?"
"He probably thought that you would think he was calling you a disturbance and didn't want to make you upset."
"Because of the translation of my nickname that he has no control over?"
"Uncle Jamie is verra protective of the ones he loves. He's always afraid of hurtin' them in any way," Ian explained. "Even if it doesna seem logical te ye."
When Skylar and Ian had to part for the night, they gave each other a long and passionate kiss goodnight, forgetting all about the third person there until she spoke up. "God, are you two trying to swallow each other or something?" Brianna had brought over water to put out the fire and felt embarrassed coming back and walking in on them, even though they were out in the open.
"Sorry," Skylar said to her, feeling very awkward. She told Ian "Goodnight," very simply and they kissed quick once more. Then Ian hurried inside his shelter.
"Does that happen a lot?" Bree asked her, laughing lightly, when Skylar turned to her again.
"When there are eyes watching your every move, you take any chance you have to get the slightest bit intimate because you have no idea when the next chance will be."
Skylar woke up the next morning excited. She and Jamie would be leaving before first light the morning after to go bee hunting again and she wanted to talk to him about the supplies they would need to take. She found him outside brushing the horses.
"Dad, there you are!" she called out and jogged the rest of the way him.
"Yer verra awake this mornin'. Usually takes ye an hour or two before ye can form a full sentence."
"I wanted to talk to you about hunting tomorrow."
"Ah, aye. I wanted te speak wi' ye about that as well."
"You go first. What's up?"
Jamie put the brush down and turned to face her. "I wanted te ask if ye would be alright with Bree comin' wi' us."
"To come bee hunting?"
"Aye. I ken it's somethin' that ye and I do on our own, but havin' Brianna here wi' me now, I really want te spend as much time with her as I can te bond so she can start te really think of me as her father. Ye understand?"
"Of course I do. And yeah, I have no problem with her coming." Skylar's heart sunk down to her stomach. With Brianna being his number one priority lately, she had been so looking forward to be able to have some time with him just by themselves.
But that's so selfish. I can't do that.
Jamie smiled. "I kent ye wouldna. Now, what was it ye wanted te talk about?"
"Um…you know, I don't even remember. It's far too early for my brain to work properly."
He chuckled. "Well, if ye remember, come find me."
"I will." She started to walk away, but stopped, knowing what she needed to do for him, even if she hated it. She turned back and said, "Dad?" He looked at her. "Why don't you go tomorrow just with Bree?"
"I didna mean fer ye te think I didna want ye there wi' us. Not at all. I ken ye've been lookin' forward te it, as have I."
"It's okay, really. This is my idea. You should get some one on one time with your daughter."
He walked to her. "Yer sure?"
"I am." She plastered a smile on her face to hide her heartbreak.
He gave her an appreciative smile and kissed her head. "Thank ye, Sky. Truly, I'm grateful."
She just kept her fake smile and nodded. He gripped her shoulder then left to move onto his next job.
Skylar closed her eyes and let out a breath, then went about her day like nothing was wrong.
She had woken up for just a moment that night, or very early the next morning, and saw Jamie put on his jacket right before going outside to wake up Bree for bee hunting. She felt terribly guilty for feeling sad.
This was my idea for them to go without me. I told him to. I shouldn't be upset about it when it was my decision.
While helping Claire cut vegetables for dinner the next day, Claire said to her, "You're very quiet. That's not like you. Is everything alright?"
She nodded. "Mmhm. I'm fine."
"You don't feel sick? You and Ian are okay?"
"I'm fine, Claire. Really. Just nothing on my mind to say."
Claire watched her as she put the cut pieces in a bowl and started slicing the next one. She had a feeling she knew what the teenager's low mood was about but wanted to get her to be the one to talk about it.
"Jamie told me you gave up your place bee hunting to give him some time with Brianna. That was very kind of you."
She shrugged. "He needs the time with Brianna more than with me right now."
"Skylar, you do know that Jamie wants to still-"
"I'm going to get some more parsley from the garden. I'll also bring in the water for the soup." She left before Claire could say anything.
She walked to the garden and stood outside its fence. She pressed the heels of her hands into her forehead and took a deep breath in and let it out all at once. She dragged her hands down her face and threw them down to her sides.
This is ridiculous. I'm acting like a damn child who won't share their toys. But I don't want to share my dad and I'm a horrible person because of that!
"Sky!" she heard Ian. She didn't look at him but heard him run to her. "What's goin' on? Are ye alright?"
"Why does everyone keep asking me that? I'm fine! Jesus Christ!" she yelled. She took another breath to calm down and looked at Ian. She could tell he felt bad for making her upset even though it wasn't anywhere close to his fault. "I'm sorry," she spoke again, much softer. "I'm so sorry, Ian. I didn't mean to snap at you."
"Ye dinna have te apologize. There's clearly somethin' botherin' ye. What's wrong?" She didn't answer him. "Is it Uncle Jamie huntin' wi' Brianna instead'a ye?" She crossed her arms and looked off to the side.
"I told him to. I told him to go without me. But part of me was hoping that if I did, he would tell me how much he wanted me there and didn't want to go if I wasn't. He didn't say that. He just said thank you." She closed her eyes and tried to swallow the tears that were forming, tears she felt she had no reason to cry. "I feel like I could lose him, Ian."
"Yer not." He stood behind her and lightly rubbed her upper arms. "I swear it te ye, Sky, Uncle Jamie is not replacin' ye with Bree. He loves ye as much as he did the hour before she came te him."
"Yeah, you're right," she said to him, not believing that but just saying it to get him to stop talking. She pulled from him and turned to look at him. "I told Claire I was bringing in parsley. I should actually pick some."
"Do ye want help?"
"No, I'd kind of like to be alone for a bit."
"Of course. Whatever ye'd like."
She touched his arm and kissed his cheek. "I'll come find you later." She then turned her back to him and went into the garden.
Ian and Murtagh had gone out early that evening to find some meat for their dinner as well. It was just getting dark when Skylar and Claire had finished the soup and left it over the fire to keep warm.
When Claire happened to look out the window, she announced, "They're back."
"Who?" Skylar asked as to which pair.
"Jamie and Bree." Claire went to the door to meet them on the porch. "Welcome back," Skylar heard her greet them. She stayed inside, cutting bread into slices. "I'll put the kettle on, shall I?" Claire came back inside with Jamie and Bree following.
"How did it go?" Skylar made herself ask.
"It was really good," Brianna answered. "Da found a hive filled with honeycombs."
"That's great." She felt a lump form in her throat when she heard Brianna call Jamie Da.
"Why don't we try some it as an appetizer," Claire suggested, and Jamie and Brianna heartily agreed. "Skylar, you'll join us, won't you?"
"Um, thanks, but I think I'm gonna go lay down before dinner."
"Are ye feelin' sick?" Jamie asked her, a little worried.
"I've had a growing stomach ache for the last couple hours, so…it's nothing bad."
"Do you want me to make you a ginger tea?" Claire offered.
"No, no, I'll be fine. I'll rejoin you all at dinner." She gave them a fake half smile and left the cabin. She went into the second shelter that Ian slept in and sat on his bed.
"What the hell is wrong with me?" she said to herself.
Why can't I just be happy for him? His daughter, his real and true, blood and flesh daughter is here and calling him Da. That's so wonderful and good and he's so happy. And I'm just feeling sorry for myself.
She felt a tear run down her face and she wiped it away, clenching her eyes tight to not let anymore through.
No. No, I will not cry. I have nothing to cry about. Dad's happy, that's all that matters.
She stayed in the shelter for a half hour before the door opened and Ian came in.
"Yank, what are ye doin' in here?"
"Dad and Bree came back and I figured I'd let him and Claire be with their daughter alone."
"Do ye want te still be alone?"
She blinked back the inevitable tears and shook her head. Ian went right to her and sat on the bed. He helped her lay down so that her head was resting in his lap and he gingerly ran his fingers through her hair.
"I'm a terrible person," she told him, her voice shaky.
"Ye are not a terrible person. Yer the farthest thing from it."
"Then why am I so sad that he and Brianna are getting close? It should be a good thing."
"Yer no used te sharin' him is all. It's verra understandable ye feelin' like this. Yer not a terrible person, love." She didn't say anything in response and he didn't add anything. They stayed in their comfortable silence until Claire came to get them for dinner.
Skylar tried to change her attitude and be more open minded as they all ate together. But every time Bree called him Da and Jamie called her a leannan, a little bit more of her heart chipped away. She wanted to say she knew she was being overdramatic and there was nothing to be jealous of or worry about, but that small illogical part of her brain that always spoke up at the worst times was just getting louder and louder and refused to shut up.
After only a , thankfully, minor struggle, she fell asleep, feeling just the slightest bit grateful that her anxiety over Jamie kept her distracted from her anxiety over Lizzie.
If Claire could find a way to make some sertraline out of her herbs, that would be great.
OUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDER
While Skylar slept, Jamie and Claire were having their own conversation about her. Jamie had been telling Claire how happy he was that Brianna had come into his life and how much he was dreading the day where she would need to go back to her time.
"I am so grateful fer Skylar fer allowin' me this time wi' Bree teday. She'll never know how much it truly meant te me. I canna imagine how hard of a decision it was fer her te make. I ken how excited she was fer the day. She is so selfless and caring fer others. I am beyond blessed te have two such wonderful daughters."
"You may want to remind her of that," Claire told him.
"What do ye mean?"
"I could tell something was troubling her all day, but whenever I would ask she just kept saying she was fine. But I'm more than certain that she was only putting on a brave face. You know how she is, she'd never put her own feelings before anyone else's. Especially if she thinks they might hurt someone or make people worry about her. And it wasn't just today. She's been fairly sad for quite a while. I wouldn't be surprised if it's because she thinks that with Brianna here, you might be starting to love her less."
"That could never happen. She kens that though I didna make her, she is my daughter and I could never love her any less, no matter who were te ever come inte our lives. Ye dinna think she would really believe that?"
"The insecurities of a teenage girl know no limits, even when it comes to how worthy you are of a father's love."
Jamie looked over at the sleeping Skylar in her bed and he could feel his heart break in half that this girl who was everything to him could think so little of herself that she could be replaced and forgotten.
Claire could feel the guilt rising in him. "I'm taking Bree with me tomorrow to collect herbs by the river. Why don't you use that time to be with Skylar and talk to her. Remind her that she is as much our daughter as Bree."
"I will. I canna stand her bein' in pain, even more so when I'm the cause of it. It happened once before and I'll never let it again."
Claire kissed his shoulder and rubbed circles on his back to help him relax. "Maybe you can also find a way to convince her that there is no chance in hell Ian will leave her for Lizzie; before a fight breaks out that she'll both start and finish."
GAELIC
Bu mhath leam – "I would love to"
Tha mi air a bhith ag obair – "I have been practicing"
I cannot express how sorry I am that this chapter did not go out on Saturday. So much was happening this week and I had bad time management. This is the last time a chapter will not be posted on a regular Saturday. I am so so sorry.
To try to make up for it, I will be posting chapter 45 no later than Wednesday and chapter 46 will still be coming out on Saturday as normal.
I love ye all verra verra much and I so hope you like this chapter. I will see you all in 45!
