"Never close your lips to those whom you have already opened your heart."
― Charles Dickens
Tara stared at her friend with a worried glance. Emily pushed the food around on her plate without taking a bite. Emily took a sip of her water and focused back on the conversation round the table, her fork back on the serviette beside her. Tara was the only one that was silent, too focused on the unit chief to worry about the conversation. When they were in cities big enough, they always got their own rooms instead of doubling up. This was one of those cities, but Tara was hesitant to let Emily out of her sight. They walked together down the hall and Emily peeled off for her own room. They weren't any closer to finding the unsub as they were when they arrived.
"Emily?" Tara asked, stopping her friend. "You know, if anything is bothering you...you can let me know, right?"
"Yes, Doctor Lewis." Emily said, stopping and leaning against her door. "I know I can talk to you, it's just been...a long day."
Tara reached out and pressed her hand against her friend's belly. "You know, Mama, we all love you and Derek to bits and we love these BAU royalty, so...just know that we're all here for you."
Emily nodded and waited a few moments before turning back. "Thanks, I know. I just...we should get some sleep because we're going to have to work early tomorrow." She gave her friend a small smile. "Thanks, Tara."
The taller profiler nodded and watched Emily retreat into her room. She stood in the hallway for a few moments before heading into her room. Maybe she was over analyzing things, but she saw a flicker of sadness in her friend's dark eyes.
Emily closed and locked the door to her room. She stripped off her clothes and tossed them in the drawer before pulling on one of Derek's oversized shirts. Dropping on the bed, Emily dialed Derek and waited for his face to appear on screen. He was on the East Coast, so it was later there than it was for her and he was already in bed, topless with exhaustion in his eyes.
"Hey beautiful."
She sighed and curled up into bed and gave him a tired smile. "Sorry, you're probably wanting to sleep." She apologized, the memories of the many months they spent apart with only facetime, calls, and texts to keep them connected.
"I want to see you more." He gave her a smile before his face darkened. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong." It came out too fast, too forceful and Derek smiled.
Derek readjusted himself and looked at his wife. "Emily, I've known you for more than ten years, loved you for over half of those, and have been married to you for almost a year. I know when something is wrong."
"Am I selfish for wanting to work while I'm pregnant?" She asked softly, one of her hands reaching down to rub her belly.
"No, obviously I don't think so," He said seriously. "What brought this up?"
Emily shrugged and propped herself up on her pillows. "Just listening to people. Some of the people around here...they don't think I should be working."
"They don't matter Em." Derek said seriously. "All that matters is what WE think and I KNOW you're going to do your best to keep yourself and our babies safe. You're incredible at what you do, and lots of people need you." He gave her a small half smile. "What else is bothering you?"
"Nothing, just the stress of the case." She lied pulling the blanket up to her chin.
He let the topic drop, knowing his wife well enough that he wasn't going to push and start an argument leaving both of them upset. "Okay. So do you want to talk about our cases?"
Emily shook her head. "No, but I got some big wireless headphones, you know, like the ones that you have. Reid reminded me that the babies can hear all the time now and he made me wear the headphones on my belly as we talked about the case. They've been pretty calm today, I think they miss hearing your voice." She shrugged.
His face broke into a grin and he nodded. "Put 'em on. I want to talk to my little bugs." He waited as Emily propped up her phone and she put the headphones on her bell. Flashing him a thumbs up, she relaxed only able to catch a few words of each sentence. Closing her eyes, Emily relaxed as she heard her husband speak to their babies. A little while later, she removed the headphones and gave Derek a smile.
"Were they dancing?
Emily shrugged. "They were more active. They love their daddy."
"And they love their mommy." Derek reached out and brushed his fingers over the screen. "As much as I would love to stay up all night, it's getting late here." He yawned and gave her a tired smile. "I love you, Princess."
"I love you too. I'll talk to you tomorrow." Emily plugged in her phone and laid on the bed, eyes focusing on the ceiling as she tried to ignore the gnawing in her stomach.
Emily was already at the precinct when everyone arrived. Sneakers, jeans, a white blouse and a red blazer. Her hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail. Tara hadn't told anyone about her concerns, and frowned when Emily suggested she head to the field with Dave. They were interviewing the families of two of the victims and then the latest almost victim. They needed to talk to the families and talk to the media…
"How about I stick around and I can help with the families of the victims? JJ can talk to the media, and then you can talk to the almost victim. Divide and conquer and then if we have time we can head out and help the guys." Tara suggested.
The unit chief bit her lower lip before nodding. "Alright, that works." Heading over to the table, Emily grabbed her notebook and her phone. "You okay dealing with the press outside Jayje?"
"Of course. Just like old times." JJ laughed. She was GOOD at dealing with the press. Sure, she was a good profiler, but she was great at dealing with the media. "Once I'm done with that, I'll join you."
Emily nodded and walked into the room, the other two agents exchanging glances. Tara sighed and rubbed her temples, watching Emily walk away. Maybe she was overreacting, maybe she was reading into the situation more because she was a psychologist, maybe she was imagining things. But maybe she was right.
A few hours later they emerged from separate rooms, dropping at the table in the room they were given to work in. Matt and Luke walked in carrying bags of Thai in their arms.
"Rossi and Spencer have the drinks." Luke mumbled as he placed his bags on the table. "Figured we all needed some lunch and we can go over what we found and hopefully by this afternoon release the profile."
Emily nodded in agreement and cleared the table to make space for food. They got her usual, a lemon grass chicken noodle bowl with spring rolls and an order of fresh rolls on the side. She picked up one of the fresh rolls and ate it slowly before getting up and staring at the board. The rest of the team, minus Tara, were too busy focusing on the case to focus on what their boss was eating, or in this case not eating. Most of the noodle bowl was left untouched. Once their eating had slowed, Emily looked back at her team. "Are we confident with the profile?" She asked, a hand rubbing the underside of her belly.
There was a murmur of agreement and she nodded. "Alright let's go release the profile." Emily announced. Things were easy when there were other things to focus on, and Emily was the queen of sliding into the background. Even pregnant, Emily was able to stand back and blend into what was going on. Some people would say that she attracted attention. Tall, dark, beautiful. A rare beauty. Sharp features, her dark flat raven hair, dark eyes that bore into your soul. But she could just as easily step back and wait. And that's what she did today. She gave the first part of the profile and listened to the rest of her team speak.
"Questions?" She asked the officers, one hand resting on her bump as she leaned against the table. They answered a few before sending the uniforms away. They knew approximately where he would strike, just not when. The unsub was patient, he was smart but they were smarter.
"You're not going out with the rest of your team?"
If looks could kill. Emily glared at the deputy sheriff. "Obviously I'm not." She said, her voice heavy with venom. "As you so eloquently pointed out, I'm pregnant. My husband, who is also a unit chief with the FBI, and I have talked about it. While I am still the unit chief, and I will work until I've been told by a medical professional that I can't anymore. I will, however, be there for the arrest. I will not put myself, or my unborn children at risk." She said stiffly. "But I can still do my damn job."
The officer held up his hands. "Sorry, I'd say it was your time of the month but -"
He was cut off by Rossi's hand on his shoulder. "Watch it, she's the best shot on the team. I wouldn't hedge my bets that she won't shoot you."
The younger man scampered off and Rossi arched his eyebrow at Emily. "Scaring the locals?"
She shrugged. "Just because I'm pregnant Rossi doesn't mean I can't do this job." Emily mumbled. "Because I can. I mean, maybe I can't do the take downs, but I can do this damn job."
"You're doing your job." Rossi said softly. "And we're all happy that you're not putting yourself or those bambinos at risk, alright?" He gave her a smile "Plus you have muscle to help. Send the boys to do what you need them to do."
Emily ran her fingers through her hair and stared at the board. "Yeah." She grumbled darkly. She had a pounding headache, her back ached and she had this weird pain in her hips, but there was no way that she was going to be put on the bench.
The night came and Emily was ready to pull her hair out. Thankfully the unsub hadn't murdered anyone, but they weren't any closer to catching him.
They headed back to the hotel, Emily retreated to her room without meeting the team for supper, choosing to soak her sore back in the less than optimal bath tub before sending Derek a quick text and crawling into bed.
No more kills last night, at least that much was good. Her heart raced and her head pounded. Tara dropped a container of fruit in front of Emily along with a yogurt. Emily frowned and pushed them away.
"Eat." Tara said sitting down across from the other woman, her voice low and dangerous, barely above a whisper. "You look like crap, Emily. Take care of yourself, Mama. We've got it, alright?" She waited until she watched Emily take a bite of the fruit and she watched the other woman slowly make her way through the container of fruit and opened the yogurt. Tara smiled softly as she watched some of the tension the other woman was carrying in her jaw relax. "See doesn't that feel better?" Tara got to her feet and placed her hand gently on the top of Emily's abdomen. "I'm sure they're much happier now that they've eaten too." She commented with a gentle smile. "So what brought this all on?"
Emily shrugged and took another bite of the yogurt thinking about her answer. She waited for Tara to sit back down and sighed, putting the spoon down. "Just talk. Some of the officers here were commenting on…" Her voice trailed off and she looked down at her stomach.
"And some of the officers have bigger stomachs than you and they sure as hell aren't pregnant." Tara said, looking at the men milling around. "I know hormones are a bitch, I can't begin to think about being pregnant with twins and all those hormones, but Emily you need to worry about yourself and those babies, okay?" She waited until Emily looked back at her. "The next time you feel like this Em, talk to me. Talk to JJ. I haven't been pregnant, but I understand the feeling of being singled out. Being THAT person that everyone is staring at."
The unit chief sighed and finished the yogurt. "If I'm being honest I've never felt like this before."
"You probably haven't. And psychologically speaking, men tend to look at pregnant women as people to protect, even if the child isn't theirs. I'm sure it's taken Derek a while to get used to you being pregnant, and you being independent and doing your job." Tara shrugged. "You're just going to have to try to ignore them and keep doing what you're doing."
Nodding, Emily got to her feet. "Yeah, you're right. Stupid of me for letting them get into my head." She mumbled, her cheeks flushing a soft pink.
"Not stupid." Tara said honestly. "Just hormonal. Now let's go catch that killer."
