AN: Hello, my dears!

This week I celebrated My Stubborn Mate's one year anniversary! Which is crazy!

I am so very happy to be in this fandom and am so grateful to all of you for your support and comments throught this entire process!

Work has been insane after my little holiday and the weekend is as packed as can be with stuff I need to get done. I love your comments!

Enjoy!


My Deep Doubts


A flood of ice fills my veins, the papers in my hand trembling erratically as my entire body begins to shake. Unable to believe what I'm seeing, I pull the papers to my chest and bring my knees up, curling my body into a ball as I try to find some kind of alleviation to this great shock that is wracking through my body like a devastating tornado. My breathing is shallow and I can feel my stomach begin to churn as the consequences of my mother's actions begin to set in. Lifting one palm to cover my lips, I release a muffled cry. Had she really done this? Did my father even know? Why would she even consider this?

My stomach rolls and an urgency surges through me causing me to jump to my feet and sprint towards the bathroom as fast as I can. Emptying my stomach, I continue to heave for what feels like hours, over the toilet. Tears flow down my cheeks yet again as my body revolts against this horrible revelation. All those accusations… was there truth behind them. Did my mother really cast a spell to break my father's imprint with someone else so that she could have him instead? Jesus! Was my entire childhood a lie?

I crumble onto the floor, hunching over my knees as I rock back and forth searching through every memory I have of my mother, looking for clues. Anything to help me understand why she'd have a spell like that hidden in her personal things. But all I can remember is her wide smile and care-free laugh, her devotion to my father and their open display of affection. Their love.

No! It couldn't just be a lie. My childhood… my family… my life as I knew it.

I stop my rocking and lean my head back against the cool tiles and close my eyes while I try to calm my panicked breathing.

"Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Well done, baby."

It's as though I can hear my mother's voice in my ear and her warm hand rubbing up and down my back, calming me down, like she always did when I had nightmares as a little girl. This nightmare, however, wasn't one that would simply disappear.

Glancing down at the two pieces of paper, I take a shaky breath and carefully fold them together in the exact same way in which I found them. I knew that I needed answers, and although my mother was no longer there to offer them to me, I had a garage full of her words. Somewhere, there must be some kind of an explanation, some kind of clue as to why she chose to keep these hidden. Only then would I cast my judgement. My mother deserved the benefit of the doubt. She deserved my trust and confidence in her.

Using my arms for support, I slowly get to my feet, taking my time as I wash my face and brush my teeth. Walking to the hamper, I throw Edward's t-shirt into it, but make sure to stop by his closet and pull out yet another t-shirt, covering myself with his scent before I return to my mother's jewelry box. Feeling numb, I mechanically place the papers back into the small square and close it decisively. Then I pick it up and find an empty drawer in what is supposed to be my side of Edward's large closet. I don't have many things in there yet, but make a promise to myself not to touch this drawer until I have more answers. Running my fingers over its smooth surface, I give it a final lingering glance, before I slowly close the drawer. Swearing to myself that the next time I pick up my mother's jewelry box, I'll have the answers I need to deal with the hidden contents that so effectively turned my entire life upside down.

Distracted by my phone blaring, I rush back to the bed, picking it up without even checking the Caller-ID.

"Hello?"

My voice sounds strange.

"Bella? Is that you?"

I instantly recognize Leah's voice and release a relieved sigh. It feels good to talk to a good friend.

"Yeah, it's me. What's up, Leah?" I ask, clearing my voice.

"Sorry, you sounded a little off," she pauses, but I decide not to respond to her unspoken question.

"I wanted to give you a heads-up. Embry, Claire and Jared have just left and will be at your house by nightfall. Edward and his little crew stopped by here last night and he insisted that we all move in with you to ensure your safety."

I snort at her dry tone of voice.

"I don't think he was only talking about my safety, but more the collective safety of his pack."

To this Leah's musical laughter fills the speakers of my phone.

"Please, Bella, you and I both know that him being separated in a time like this is the closest thing he'll ever come to torture. Poor boy was practically begging on his knees. It was sweet."

I feel my lips tug into a smile at the funny image Leah has conjured up.

"I can't help but notice the two pretty essential names that are lacking in 'we' portion of that statement?"

Leah sighs and I can hear a soft shuffle as though she's moving away from someone so that she can speak more freely.

"Paul and I will be driving down after my classes on Friday. Early Saturday at the latest."

A wave of humor flows through me, flushing away some of the cold numbness.

"You and Paul, huh?"

I can almost see Leah purse her lips at me in annoyance.

"Yes, Bella, Paul has been acting like a protective ass ever since your mate dropped by and spilled the beans about James and Laurent being in the Port Angeles area. He hasn't left my side for a second."

As though he can sense that we're talking about him, there's a loud knock on the door.

"Jeez-Louise, Paul, take it down a notch, I'm talking to Bella and I'd like some privacy, please," a clearly annoyed Leah shouts towards the door and a highly welcomed giggle rises to my lips.

There's yet another shuffle and I can hear Leah move.

"Yeah, keep on laughing, why don't you? Soon we'll all be there taking over your house like a horrible episode of Big Brother, then we'll see if you still find this funny."

My giggle turns into a full blown laugh and in the next second I hear Leah join in.

"It'll be nice to have you around," I whisper as our laughter slowly dies down.

Leah sighs.

"You're missing him, huh?"

"Yeah," I respond honestly, feeling the sudden urge to open up and share some of the major things that have happened over the past few days.

"He told me that he loves me," I reveal nervously, hearing Leah's breath hitch in my ear as my entire body begins to heat at the memory.

"It was just before he left, but it was a pretty big moment, you know?"

"Well, yeah!" Leah squeals.

"Cuz, I'm so happy for you," she continues and perhaps it's because of my recent discovery involving my mother, but for the first time in my life, I find myself putting words to some of my fears.

"How do I know that it's real though? What if it's just the imprint talking?"

"Bella," Leah's voice is decisive, but soft.

"Edward is crazy about you. His love for you is clear as day."

My heart swells in my chest at her words.

"Listen, I know this is difficult and overwhelmingly new for you, but the imprint simply opens our eyes to who our soul mate is. Whatever feelings or emotions we might have-."

I can't help but interrupt her.

"But what about the mating bond?"

"The mating bond is physical, it pulls two mates together and urges them to spend time with one another, but that's about it. The emotional connection that can develop by spending time with one another, however, is not caused by the bond itself, but by the mutual feelings you allow to evolve. Hun, that's all real. It isn't an effect of some supernatural bond, but a result of the hard work and trust each person puts into their relationship. What you have with Edward? Sweetie, that's as real a relationship as they come," she pauses.

"I know your past experiences have made it difficult for you to trust others, but Bella, please don't doubt Edward's feelings for you. If he tells you that he loves you, then he genuinely does. Be grateful that you've found your true mate and be brave. He took a leap of faith and opened up to you, doesn't he deserve the same?"

A large lump forms in my throat making it impossible for me to respond, but I know deep inside of me that she's right. He does deserve the same and I so desperately want to give it to him, but I don't want my first declaration of love to be over the phone.

"Sorry, with everything that happened with Sam and now Paul, I'm just… I don't know. I want to believe that love truly can conquer all, you know?"

I suddenly realize just how sad she sounds.

"What about Paul?" I ask carefully, remembering just how unsure she'd been during the car ride to Port Angeles.

She releases a heavy breath.

"God, where to begin."

A comfortable silence builds between us as she collects her thoughts.

"Well, we went out and it was great and I was ready to just go for it, like we talked about, but then the subject of my birthday came up and for some reason the proximity of the date made Paul want to wait."

My eyebrows rise to my hairline in disbelief.

"How is that working exactly? You're living with him aren't you?"

Edward had briefly mentioned that Leah had moved in with Jared and Paul, much to Jake's annoyance, and I'd just figured-.

She sighs.

"Tell me about it. There's been a kiss or two and some heavy petting, but no home run, unfortunately."

A sad laugh echoes through the speakers.

"We're both counting down the days."

I can hear the yearning in her voice and feel a wave of compassion for her. If anyone deserved happiness, it was Leah.

"Then I guess I really shouldn't count on you showing up this Friday then?"

We both share a laugh.

"No, I guess not."

A somber thought flashes through my mind and I find myself asking her about it before I can really consider it.

"What will you do if you don't imprint?"

The telephone grows silent and it's as though I can hear the wheels of her mind churning.

"I don't know," she reveals after a moment.

"I really do have deep feelings for him, Bella. The way he makes me feel-," she pauses as though she's searching for words. "I can't describe it."

Biting my bottom lip, a question forms in my mind that I probably would never have even thought of if it weren't for my recent discovery.

"If it was possible, would you ever consider breaking an imprint?"

My cheeks flush at my question and I can almost feel Leah's dark eyes piercing into mine.

"Hypothetically, of course. I mean after everything that happened between you and Sam. Wouldn't not having to think about the imprint be a blessing?"

"No."

She effectively interrupts me with her clear answer and for a moment I regret bringing it up.

"Listen, Bella, imprinting is one of the greatest gifts we have as shifters. We get to know who our soulmate is. Yes, not all matches are good and there are no guarantees, but I guess I just can't imagine living in the dark like other species have to. They're forced to leave their hearts wide open for all kinds of damage as they search for someone to love. We don't," she pauses, sighing tiredly before she continues.

"Even if I don't imprint with Paul, I'd never choose to be without the mating bond. No matter what."

I allow her words to sink in. Before moving to Forks, I never imagined that such a thing could exist, but after experiencing it… and everything else I'd come to learn after becoming Edward's mate, I could understand her point of view. It truly was a blessing. Then why the hell did the Coven Grimoire hold a spell to break it. Leah interrupts my musings.

"That doesn't mean that all imprints are good though. We have plenty of assholes in our species as well and for some breaking the mating bond would be a blessing," her voice is thoughtful and I wonder for a moment if she'll elaborate, but she doesn't.

After a moment, I decide to change the subject.

"I guess I should start getting all my extra bedrooms ready, seeing as I'll basically be opening up my very own shifter B&B."

Leah joins me in a short laugh.

"Speaking of which, I wanted to give you the heads up," she takes a deep breath and I realize that she sounds nervous.

"Embry and Jared are mates. They imprinted a few years ago, but Embry hasn't felt comfortable enough to tell anyone. He opened up to Edward about it last night, which was a huge step for him, and Edward accepted them both with open arms, but I'm a little unsure about what he'll want to do when they arrive in Forks."

My heart warms at the mention of Edward and I'm forced to take a moment to clear my voice before I'm actually able to respond to her.

"That's wonderful news. I'll fix up one of the larger rooms and an extra one just in case. I really hope they'll feel at home here at the house and of course find the acceptance they need within the Pack."

"Thank you. Embry's terrified, but he's getting there. I need to try to get there by Saturday, no matter what. That's when he's planning to tell our parents and the rest of the family. Jake will probably notice that something is up when they arrive and apparently Quil already suspects, but… He's lived with this secret for so long, Bells. I need this to go smoothly for him."

I smile at her insistence. With Leah as a sister and fierce protector, Embry won't have a problem.

"Jared is amazing and Claire is the sweetest girl there is," she sighs.

"Everything will be fine," I assure her and she instantly releases a deep sigh of relief.

"You promise?" she asks in a small voice and I can't help but smile.

"Yes," I pause. "Now are you going to let me go and get these rooms ready? Alice is going to have a fit if I simply spring this on her. She'll probably wrap them all around her fingers and brainwash them with all things concerning the Mating Ceremony."

Leah groans and I join her.

Hanging up the phone a few minutes later, I feel lighter and although I know I probably don't look my best, I roll my shoulders back and make my way downstairs. I'm surprised to find Alice working happily on her computer on the kitchen island with a large glass of wine in front of her, while Quil prepares what looks to be an enormous family dinner. They both look up to greet me and if they notice my puffy red eyes, they don't mention it.

"Leah just called. Embry is driving from Port Angeles with Jared and Claire. They're moving in for the time being."

Quil nods as though this isn't news to him and simply continues making dinner, while Alice claps her hands together in excitement. I send them both a smile, addressing Alice with my request.

"Do you know where Edward has the extra bedsheets and stuff? I want to get the rooms ready."

"Oh, Mom had the cleaners do that when my grandparents moved out. There's a small apartment downstairs that might be a good fit for them. Come join me and I'll show you."

Happy to have someone intimately familiar with my house, we find everything we need in no time. Checking out the small apartment, I quickly decide that it is in fact the perfect spot for my new guests. There are two bedrooms, a small living room, a fully functioning kitchen, two bathrooms and a small study complete with a pull-out couch. I smile. Perhaps the small and slightly uncomfortable couch will be enough to sway Embry to stay with his mate and not on his own.

Exploring the rest of the extra bedroom, I realize that I'm falling more and more in love with my new home. Near a stunningly beautiful study and library, I find what could be the perfect room for Paul and Leah. Crossing my fingers, I decide to get it ready just in case and jot down a few ideas on my shopping list. Neither Alice and I have to work the next day, and we'd been planning to do some shopping. If Paul and Leah do imprint, I decide that I want their room to feel as much a honeymoon suite as possible. Closing the door, I follow the delicious smells coming from the kitchen and decide to ask Quil if he needs some help.

Alice has just finished setting the table, while Quil and I make the finishing touches on our dinner, when we hear the tell-tale signs of a car closing in. Brushing my hands over my apron, I quickly take it off and make my way to the door, opening it wide to greet my visitors. When I see Embry step out of the driver's seat, I make sure to send him a warm smile, but when he opens the passenger door and lifts the sweetest blond girl into his arms as though she weighs nothing, I feel my heart melt. Jared's blond hair and blinding smile is a stark contrast to the growing darkness, but when he greets Alice with a giddiness and excitement that mirrors her own, I know that we'll get along splendidly. Quil is quiet and polite in his greeting of Jared, but he gives Claire a rare smile and when Embry's arms become vacant because Claire joins her brother and Alice walking inside, the twins share a tight and intimate hug that brings tears to my eyes.

We immediately start eating and the conversation is both light and comfortable. Jared and Alice steer most of the conversation, but Claire is surprisingly bright and often gives her opinion on things and both Quil and Embry join in occasionally. We're just about to have dessert, when there's a sharp knock on the door and Jacob enters.

"Looks like I have perfect timing!" he announces with a wide and charming smile.

Studying his profile carefully, I realize that the rings under his eyes are more pronounced and when I place a warm cup of coffee in front of him, he squeezes my hand in gratitude. Although I can sense that he's tired and stressed out, Jacob easily joins the conversation, sharing jokes and laughing heartily at Alice and Jared's ongoing argument about party etiquette. Apparently, Jared used to be a wedding and events coordinator and is trying to convince Alice that some of her ideas for the Mating Ceremony are absolutely ludicrous.

"Honey, listen to me, you do not want to go with Hydrangeas, they wilt way too quickly. Chrysanthemums and Carnations are your go to flowers here," Jared tries to convince her and for some reason I can't stop myself from laughing out loud.

Every single pair of eyes turn in my direction and I know I need to give them an explanation.

"Sorry, it's just that you two have been arguing about flowers for the past ten minutes and neither of you have thought to consult the Earth Witch at the table. Alice, if you want Hydrangeas, I will make sure they last the entire evening and then some."

Jared gives Alice a pointed look.

"I didn't have one of those in my arsenal when I worked as an event coordinator. Girl, with her as your secret weapon, I say go for it!"

He gives her a high five and after a brief pause the entire table explodes with laughter.

Glancing at the time, I realize that it's probably way past Claire's bedtime, and when the laughter dies down I decide to broach the subject.

"We have a small apartment downstairs that I figured would be perfect for you," I begin making sure that I address Jared first, but send a quick glance in Embry's direction.

He instantly freezes and I can see that he's extremely uncomfortable. Jared also appears to notice this and although he's quick to hide it, I can see his disappointment.

"Excellent, thank you. I'm a light sleeper, so-."

"Don't worry, Jared, you can sleep. I'll stay and take the night shift," Jacob begins, but I quickly interrupt him.

"No, you won't. You need your sleep, Jake. You didn't sleep a wink last night," I argue.

"I'll take the night shift," Embry quickly offers, probably considering it a good disguise for him to stay the night.

"No," Quil shoots in, his voice surprisingly decisive and commanding. He sends Embry a strong look and the two twins suddenly appear to be having a silent argument.

"I'll take the night shift," Quil continues, breaking eye contact with his twin as he instead turns his attention on his eldest brother and future Beta.

"Quil-," Embry begins to object, but Quil simply touches his clenched hand with his and maintains eye contact with Jacob.

"Our brother will stay with his family," he pauses. "With his mate."

The confusion on Jacob's face slowly changes as he tries to make sense of Quil's words. The entire table appears to be holding their breaths as we wait for the Pack's future Beta to react. When Jake eventually rises to his feet and makes his way over to his brother, I wonder for a moment if I'll need to step in, but when he crunches down and wraps Embry into his mighty arms, I quickly see that there is no need for my involvement. Watching Embry crumble as Jake whispers something in his ear brings tears to my eyes and it's clear that I'm not the only one affected. So caught up in the scene in front of me, I almost don't notice that Quil has moved to Jared's side and is reaching his hand, clearly welcoming him into the family.

The scene is so moving that it takes me a moment to notice my phone as it lights up on the table in front of me. When I see Edward's name, however, my heart leaps in my chest and I quickly take it. Alice sends me a watery smile and shoos me out of the room.

"Hello?" I answer, running through the house to get to my room.

"Hey, baby."

Edward's husky voice sounds tired, but so incredibly good that I feel my entire body fill with joy.

I laugh.

"Hold on, let me just get to our room."

His deep chuckle sends that familiar tingle through me.

"You having a party without me?" he teases.

Finally reaching the door, I step into our room and close the door, ready to give my mate my full attention.

"Well, you did send me a carload of houseguests."

His chuckle becomes stronger.

"I did, didn't I?"

The muscles around my mouth begin to ache from how wide my smile is. Jesus, it's good to hear his voice. His messages during the day were a nice distraction, but this… this is everything.

"I'm sorry about springing that on you. I was going to call and tell you about it, but things have just been really busy today."

"Where are you?"

He groans.

"God, to be honest I don't even know. We're at this fancy hotel between Montana and Wyoming somewhere. Your uncle insisted on a nice and comfortable hotel room. You should see this place."

I walk over to the bed and push a few pillows behind my back to make myself comfortable.

"We've basically been driving all day, but I'm exhausted," he continues and I can hear him yawn.

"Have you come up with anything?" I ask softly, desperately wanting to know how long it will be before I see him again. He releases a tired sigh and I try not to let the disappointment I feel show in my voice.

"Not much no. Aro had a lead in Montana, but looks like we need to head down to Colorado, if we're going to have a chance at getting some answers."

Neither of us say anything for a while.

"I miss you," I whisper and I swear I can feel his smile through the phone.

"I miss you too, baby. So, so much."

"Are you liking the house?" he asks, successfully distracting me.

The next few hours, he continues to ask me about my day, about work, Alice, the whole nine yards. He makes me laugh and as we talk time appears to stand still. I'm shocked when I realize how late it's getting, but Edward isn't remotely finished talking.

"So… what are you wearing?" he asks me after a while in an increasingly flirty voice and I can't help but release a sharp laugh, glancing down at my comfy jeans and his t-shirt.

"We are not doing this," I respond shortly and smile when I hear his disappointed groan.

"Okay, okay, not tonight, but sweetheart, sooner or later I will be introducing you to both video chat and sexting. It's like the only thing I look forward to on this trip."

My cheeks flush, but I don't object to his words. A comfortable silence builds between us for a moment as we both simply enjoy each other's company.

"I have to ask you about something. Earlier this afternoon, I felt something. With the distance, I can't feel your emotions very clearly, but something was bothering you."

I feel my breath catch at his words and quickly try to come up with an appropriate answer. Realizing that I'm not ready to share what I found about my mother, I decide to open up to him about his grandfather. Releasing a deep sigh, I try to figure out the best way to tell him this without him losing it.

"When I got back from work, your mother was here with your grandparents," I pause.

"Your grandfather and I shared a few words, it was nothing."

"Bella," Edward's voice becomes hard, but I quickly object.

"Edward, you're not here right now to protect me. I need to learn to stand up for myself and dealing with your grandfather… and grandmother is one of those instances," I add after a moment. "Even if what they say or do is painful, you have to give me a chance to deal with it."

My mate takes a calming breath and I can physically feel how difficult this is for him. After talking to him, I realize that it's easier to feel him through our bond. Throughout the entire day, I almost haven't felt him, but now… Now, I'm able to feel him almost as though he's right next to me. Sending as much reassurance as I can through our bond, I allow my mind to focus on my growing affection for him instead of everything else.

"I just want to protect you," he whispers gruffly and I nod, even though he can't see it.

"You are a good man, Edward," I tell him, thinking back to everything Leah told me. He sighs.

"Thank you for accepting Embry and Jared."

"No one should be judged by who they chose to love, I'm just sad that it's taken so long."

A flood of heat flows through me at his genuine words.

"I'm proud to have you as my mate," I reveal and immediately I see those rosy sparks appear at the edge of my vision.

The love I feel flowing from him is addicting and so very sweet. I close my eyes and welcome every ounce of love that I feel coming from him.

"I love you, baby," he whispers and I smile.

Without saying the words out loud, I move my lips, silently practicing as I mouth the words right back to him as I hold onto a pillow, imagining that he's there right next to me.