Author's Notes:
PAIRINGS: Leorio/Kurapika (Leopika). Hisoka/Kurapika (Hisopika). Leorio/Cheadle.
RATING: Mature.
SPOILERS? Yes, until chapter 390 of the Hunter x Hunter manga by Yoshihiro Togashi. You may want to click off until you've caught up with the Succession War Arc, or have decided that you don't care. I do attempt to explain the context for the uninitiated.
Chapter 33: Easy fixes for lonely mouths
Cheadle encourages Leorio to swear off smoking. Even though it pierces his heart to do so, he gives up an almost full pack of cigarettes to Cheadle for safekeeping, and she in turn supplies him with nicotine patches and other aids for smoking cessation.
"If you ever find yourself craving the familiarity of that bad habit, there's always an easy fix," Cheadle tells him. "Kiss me when your mouth feels lonely."
Leorio sighs. "That's going to be a thousand times a day, then."
"Then kiss me a thousand times every day, if that's what it takes."
"Thanks for being so supportive. You're the best." Leorio plants a smooch on her button nose. "What are you doing tonight? Can I visit you?"
"Yes, tonight should be fine." Just then, Cheadle seems to remember something. "Ah, please remind me if I forget later — I need to call the 14th Prince's quarters about a half-hour before midnight. Kurapika said that he'd definitely be in by then."
Leorio stiffens, then tries to sound casual. "Oh? What do you need to talk to him about?"
"Once Kurapika gives the go-ahead, I'll call for a full Zodiac Twelve meeting. The Zodiacs need to take care of something together. It's about time that the Hunter Association takes a united stand against Kakin."
The next day, Leorio's heart sinks as he sees Hisoka standing next to Kurapika by the entrance to the political ward. This horror is only compounded when Hisoka instructs the new arrivals to raise their arms so that he can frisk them.
Leorio and Gel both glare defiantly, but Cheadle raises her arms right away to allow Hisoka to inspect her.
"We need to make sure that nobody's being bugged," Kurapika explains. "This will save us a lot of trouble later, we assure you."
Once Hisoka finishes checking on Cheadle, he turns to Leorio, who stubbornly keeps his arms crossed over his chest. "No need to play the blushing virgin with me," Hisoka says, a teasing smile on his lips. "Arms up, you big stud."
Kurapika shoves Hisoka aside. "Hisoka, if you're just going to sexually harass Leorio, let me do him instead."
Chuckling, Hisoka turns to Gel, and Leorio lifts his arms to let Kurapika frisk him.
Leorio tries to think of something — anything — else as Kurapika puts his hands on him, but it proves to be an insurmountable task not to picture Kurapika's perfect body beneath him, above him. Kurapika is staring steadily as he reaches up to touch Leorio's face. Heat sears over Leorio's chest as Kurapika's chained fingers brush over his ear.
Kurapika steps backward, then shows Hisoka a piece of confetti on his index finger. "This is what we're looking for, right?" Kurapika inquires.
Hisoka whistles. "Oh, nice job! Where'd you find it?"
"Behind Leorio's left ear," Kurapika tells him.
Hisoka snickers. "How long has that been there? You don't wash behind your ears when you bathe, Leorio?"
When Leorio opens his mouth to protest, Kurapika swiftly tries to reassure him. "Leorio, don't worry about it too much, okay? Hisoka found traces of surveillance on the Tiger and the Rabbit as well. The individual who tapped you is simply that talented, to have gone for so long undetected. We're just lucky we found out before it was too late."
Kurapika holds Leorio's gaze for a few seconds, then his dark eyes move on to the next set of Zodiacs who require his attention.
Leorio looks around the conference room and sees that every Zodiac except Saiyu, the Monkey, is present at the meeting. Thankfully, Hisoka isn't there. He must have pranced off to decapitate even more victims, or something of that sort.
Even though Cheadle sits at the head of the table to preside over the meeting as Chairperson, every eye in the room is drawn to Kurapika as he enlightens them regarding the rationale behind this full meeting.
Kurapika talks about the alliance that he'd initiated among most of the surviving princes of the Kakin royal family, with 9th Prince Halkenburg acting as their leader, and with Kurapika serving as the 9th Prince's emissary to the other princes and to external factions such as the Zodiacs.
"The Succession War is at a standstill, with the exception of the current confrontation between 2nd Prince Camilla and 4th Prince Tserriednich," Kurapika explains. "This standstill has persisted over approximately ten days so far. The members of the alliance, as per the 9th Prince's express wishes, have committed to refrain from making any drastic moves until the standoff between the 2nd Prince and the 4th Prince has been resolved."
And once the outcome between the two warring princes is clear, what then? This question is put forward by one of the Zodiacs.
Kurapika is unfazed by the skepticism coloring the tone of the inquisitor. "8th Queen Oito and I have put our heads together to develop a definitive plan to end the war with minimal casualties, as well as to ensure that the 9th Prince prevails as the next ruler of the Kakin Empire. While we're still refining the details of that inevitable final mission, I can tell you that it will involve an invasion of King Nasubi's quarters and the destruction of the Seed Urn."
Several Zodiacs make enthusiastic noises upon hearing about this plan. Kakin's king has been troubling the Hunter Association for so long that the prospect of putting him in his place is almost universally appealing to the occupants of the room.
"Sorry, but what's the Seed Urn again?" Leorio asks. "It sounds somewhat familiar, but. . . ."
"That particular artifact, which has been passed on from generation to generation of the Kakin royal family, imbues the binding contract governing the Succession War," Kurapika tells him. "Once the Seed Urn shatters, the war is over."
Cheadle raises her voice to address the entire room. "When the victor emerges from the battle between the 2nd Prince and the 4th Prince, the Zodiacs will lend our collective strength to the alliance of princes led by the 9th Prince. We need to usher in a new era of peace and order. Let the blood we shed on this final mission be the last."
Once the meeting has formally wrapped up, Leorio watches from across the conference room as Kurapika silently listens to a conversation between Botobai and Ginta.
Leorio decides to approach. When he lightly touches Kurapika's back, Kurapika jolts and spins around fast, looking alarmed.
Leorio raises both palms to signal that he means no harm. "Sorry, I shouldn't have touched you there. I was careless. Again."
"No worries, Leorio. I overreacted. Did you need something from me?"
"Can I talk to you for a minute? Alone?"
Kurapika faces Botobai and Ginta again to excuse himself, then follows Leorio to the hallway outside the political ward.
Once they're out of everyone's earshot, Leorio asks Kurapika about whether he's been taking too much medication. Like Hisoka did on his behalf, Kurapika denies ingesting too much aspirin.
Kurapika leans his back against the wall and rubs his dark eyes. "Things have been so hectic lately. I've been having trouble sleeping, so I'll sometimes take a pill or two to help me drift off. It's no big deal."
"If the war has been at a ten-day standstill, what's even keeping you so busy? Planning the final mission with Queen Oito?"
"Well, that and too many dates, I suppose."
"Dates . . .?" Leorio echoes, wondering whether he's misheard.
"Yes, dates," Kurapika says firmly. "You'll probably find out sooner or later since pretty much everyone else knows, so I should just come clean and tell you. Hisoka and I . . . we recently made our relationship official."
"Relationship?!" Leorio yelps.
"I've never had a boyfriend, and neither has Hisoka. We frequently go out on dates to secure some alone time amidst all this chaos."
Leorio is too shocked and hurt to say anything for a while. He just stands there, thoughts all in a tumult. Kurapika rejected him. Kurapika said no to him, then said no to everybody else in practically the same breath. While Kurapika refused to enter into a relationship with Leorio, he did confirm that Leorio was his favorite person. And yet . . . Kurapika agreed to be in a relationship with Hisoka? Why? Why now? When Kurapika dubbed Leorio his favorite person, was he lying back then? Is he lying about his relationship with Hisoka now? Which parts of Kurapika's words and actions are a deception, and which parts, if any, are honest?
While Leorio is still warring with his own mind, Hisoka suddenly pops up beside them both, just like a cursed magic trick.
Kurapika steps toward Hisoka, who reaches out to rub his back. "Ready to go, golden boy?" Hisoka murmurs.
"Yes, the meeting's over." Kurapika casts a glance at Leorio. "I'll see you soon, Leorio. Please take care of yourself."
Despite the ongoing deluge of stormy thoughts, Leorio forces himself to speak. There's still something he needs to verify. "Wait a second, Kurapika. Don't tell me that your dates with Hisoka are the reason that you've been abusing Emperor Time again? Why else would you be suffering from migraines and taking too many pills?"
Once he hears this, Hisoka laughs and hugs Kurapika from behind. "Kurapika, were you showing off to Leorio about our relationship? How precious can you be?" Hisoka kisses Kurapika's blond hair, then looks over at Leorio to answer the questions on Kurapika's behalf. "You should already know this because you also got to play with my boyfriend, but Kurapika will sometimes activate his ability by accident if he's intensely excited. You can imagine just how frequently that happens when we're out on dates, playing naughty games."
Leorio's anger flares up now. "Kurapika! You told me you'd stopped overusing Emperor Time! You can't keep burning up your lifespan like this! Not by accident, not on purpose . . . no excuses! I won't stand for this! I'm serious!"
Hisoka responds for Kurapika yet again. "Don't be a wet blanket, and just let us have our fun. You're having loads of fun too, aren't you, Leorio?" Hisoka squeezes Kurapika's narrow waist from behind. "Hey, Kurapika, guess what? I bumped into Leorio in the pharmacy and caught him red-handed buying a ton of condoms. Mounds of contraceptives! This playboy, he'll pretend to be lovesick over you and only you, but secretly he's been having so much sex that his dick's about to fall off!"
Leorio's mouth falls open in shock at this preposterous accusation, but he's even more startled by Kurapika's reaction.
Kurapika is staring at Leorio with a strange blend of emotions that he can't conceal, caught off-guard as he is. There's frustration there. Distress. Sorrow, even. And perhaps most surprising of all — pain. An agony that surpasses that time when his back was broken.
Before Leorio can think of what to say, Hisoka hauls Kurapika off. They head down the hallway and leave Leorio standing there alone.
While he and Gel are walking back to the medical ward, Leorio makes up a random excuse about forgetting his lighter in the political ward. He doubles back and sees Mizaistom just then exiting the conference room.
As Leorio has hoped, Cheadle is alone there, the last one left. Punching buttons on the telephone, she raises her eyebrows once she sees him.
He leans over her chair and kisses her. An easy fix for a lonely mouth.
