Ymir reluctantly had to admit that Eren was right. She felt a lot better compared to before. She felt lighter, a bounce in every other step. She could stand straighter, lift her chin with some confidence even if there was a bit of negativity gnawing at the pit of her stomach. Ymir was climbing up on that spiral staircase, making progress, and Historia was waiting for her, just a little more ahead than she was.
Ymir flushed and shook her head. Ever since that night, there's definitely been a change in their relationship. At least on the more intimate side. She grinned to herself, feeling like a giddy teenager. It's been a week since their date and life's been a little more steady. She felt good. Everything felt right.
But it was foolish for Ymir to get too optimistic, it's been easier to knock her off balance these past few years compared to her teenagehood. Those unknown faces, white shapes, were always lingering in her reflection when she looked at the mirror and for a few moments, her features would shift to a younger version of herself. Her seventeen-year-old self scowled at her in disappointment but Ymir managed to shake that part of lurking hatred off. Ymir was already walking down a path of progression and she was tired of fucking up. As easy as it could be to knock her backward and have her stumble down that spiral staircase, she gripped tightly on the railing and climbed upwards. Determined to keep climbing. When she encountered her first roadblock since her surge of determination and ambition, it wasn't too startling compared to previous inconveniences.
"Ymir?"
She paused, the grin on her face subsiding.
It was supposed to be a grocery run. She was just letting her mind wander as she put things in a carrier. This was the least expected of her encounters for today.
The owner of the voice stared back at her, his expression equally as shocked before morphing into a subtle look of displeasure. He took a step backward, his gaze pulling away from the brunette and he pulled his shopping car along with him. He was going to walk away.
Ymir swallowed the lump in her throat. She was going to have to face him sooner or later and while the grocery store was not the ideal place, Ymir wasn't going to let him leave. Not yet.
"W-wait!" Ymir staggered after him, turning the corner of the aisle and catching his back as he turned the other way. She grabbed his shoulder.
The man, this man, gave her a look. A look that was cold but also warm at the same time. She's seen him share both sides. The icy disappointment and anger of someone who's known how to regret and knows how to lose. The flame of empathy and love that one could offer to another. Ymir's taken things from this man and he's done the same to her. And it was all because of one foolish night and drunken chatter that led to that moment that changed their lives. But she honestly wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
He was the father of her child.
And that was meant so much to her in so many ways.
"Val."
He closed his eyes at the sound of his name and he took a deep breath. "What do you want?"
Her eyebrows furrowed while she tried to shake off the emotions of the past that were wanting to surge forward. "Can...Can we talk?"
Val paused for a moment, his mouth opening to say something before he pressed his lips together and then nodded. "But not now. I have frozens." He gestured to his cart with the slightest of smiles.
Ymir returned the smile. Even if it was hardly one. It was still enough just to show him that she wasn't that emotional wreck he once knew. Even if that phantom lurked underneath the skin and terrified her daily. Ymir didn't want to be reckless. She was tired of hurting herself and those around her.
…
Marcel drove quietly, his eyes drifting now and then to Porco who sat in the passenger seat. The man Marcel found that day when they reunited was only a shadow of who was in front of him. Porco's recovered in some ways. He's been sober since. And the fact Porco looked almost like a different person was a little terrifying.
Was it Marcel's fault? Marcel wasn't persistent when Porco pushed him away. And Marcel's absence led to the result of a broken and angry man.
Broken.
Angry.
Marcel was sick of those emotions. Those emotional states. He's seen it all his life. The anger in people's eyes, the broken hearts of so many children when they were foster kids. His stomach curled uneasily and he had to refrain himself from making a grunt of discomfort. Marcel used to love Ymir for that part of her. The part where she seemed unbothered by the broken hearts around her. Her pride was a refreshing sight. Now, in the future, she became the thing he hated the most. But there was still a part of him that cared. That hoped for the past personality of a girl could reclaim a tormented woman.
He lied for Ymir.
He was lying to his brother, for Ymir.
Marcel wasn't sure how long it would be till Porco figured out. Or if he would ever figure out. When Marcel returned home, the night he talked to Ymir, he told Porco that he couldn't find Historia Reiss. That Historia Reiss was long gone from this town and the misery that seemed to cling onto the people that Marcel cared about.
He rolled his shoulders and exhaled heavily. He could sense Porco eyeing him curiously.
"Are you alright?"
Marcel appreciated Porco's concern but he shook his head.
"Do you want to get out of this place?"
Now that was a question that caught him off guard. Marcel looked in the distance, at the road ahead of him and he shrugged. "Do you?"
Marcel didn't have to look at Porco to see him hesitate. He wondered if Porco was still wanting to find Historia. He didn't think he would ever understand why though. While it's a truth he doesn't want to hear, both Ymir and Porco implied what happened to Historia when she was married to Marcel's brother.
You're the most selfless person I've met. And your brother? He takes. He takes so much from everyone in his life and you let it happen. Ymir's words echoed in his head.
Marcel knew it was true.
But nothing would stop him from giving Porco the world.
Well, nothing but Ymir, it seemed.
One secret he would keep. For the sake of them all.
Historia seemed to be one of the reasons why the four of them were all interconnected. Whether directly or not.
"I'll leave if you want to," Marcel added.
Porco flinched and he put his face in his hands for a moment. "I don't know," He muttered.
Marcel could agree with his brother on that. Because Marcel didn't know either. He thought briefly if he's just never known his whole life. Ending up alongside Zeke was just because he tagged along with Ymir one day when she went to go visit Eren Yeager. It wasn't like Marcel didn't want to work with Zeke, it was just something that happened and Marcel went along with it.
"Your charismatic facade really keeps people away, huh?" Zeke said, cleaning his glasses before taking another drag from his cigarette. They stood outside on a balcony, away from the party that was being held by Willy Tybur. This was a few months before they returned home. It was a formal party giving Zeke a chance to make more connections and spread his market by informing powerful individuals.
Marcel didn't pull his gaze away from the distance. They didn't have heart to hearts. That wasn't their relationship. Marcel grinned, a contradiction to the hollowness of his body and soul. "Everyone likes hearing what they want to hear."
"Marcel, I don't think I can let her go."
The man's always been quick to ease people, especially Porco. But this time it was different. "Do you think she still loves you?"
It hurt Marcel when he saw the way his little brother's expression fell.
"I-...I-...But I still love her."
Marcel grimaced. God, it was a pain to hear it come from Porco's mouth. How obvious his true intentions were. His tone was wrapped with selfishness. If Porco still loved Historia then obviously that meant they should get back together, right? Marcel wasn't wise at that sort of love, romance, but he knew love wasn't what Porco was expressing. Marcel's fingers curled tightly around the steering wheel, his knuckles going white. "If you love someone, you need to know how to let them go."
The words left a bitter taste in Marcel's mouth.
Porco's eyes flared for a moment, his eyebrows furrowing and he clenched his jaw. The sight was enough to get Marcel's heart elevating but he kept his composure. After a few seconds, Porco's expression calmed and he slumped into his seat. "Maybe you're right."
Porco turned the other way, looking out the passenger seat's window.
Marcel knew Porco didn't accept what Marcel just told him and he couldn't blame his brother.
But he wanted Porco to give up on Historia.
So it wouldn't hurt the four of them.
Him, Porco, Ymir, and Historia.
…
"So, what does the great Ymir have to say to me?" Val asked, his tone cool and easy. Val always experimented with his hair and this time around, his style was an undercut fauxhawk. He pulled it off quite well, his black hair a contrast to his blue-green eyes.
Ymir couldn't help but look at him for a little longer than intended. For so long, he's been her enemy. Now in a much more healthy mindset, it was hard to tell if he actually was or not. His smiles were similar to Marcel's except Val was genuine. His expressions always projected the emotions he felt.
Val didn't seem bothered by Ymir's staring. His shoulders were stiff though, but she could tell he was trying to play it off. "You look...better. Much better, actually."
"Well, you're still the best between the two of us," Ymir replied, shoving her hands into her pockets. She wasn't lying. It's why he was able to win the custody battle. Her stomach squirmed uncomfortably but looking at him, she managed to calm down. They both were nervous.
"Thanks," He smirked, lopsided.
Ymir hummed and she took a moment to gather her thoughts. It was better to be straightforward. "You probably already know what this is about."
"I have a few ideas."
Ymir lifted her head to make eye contact with him. Val easily met her gaze, the corner of his lip strained. She could tell that he didn't want to have this conversation. Their relationship had never been the best, especially with a child and she could tell Val was trying to be friendly.
The tension between them was existent because of the weight of their drunken decisions.
It had been a one night stand. A foolish mistake that was both their fault. When Ymir found out she was pregnant, she decided to keep the child. He caught onto that information along the line and entered the picture. He wanted custody and that's what he ended up getting. "I'm her mother."
"And I'm her father," Val shot back. The tension in his shoulders rose and his expression shifted. "You want her back?"
It was a sour tone, leaving an ill feeling in both their chests. It shouldn't have to be that way, Ymir realized. There couldn't just be one of them in their child's life. She deserved both parents. Didn't he know that? "I never wanted to lose her in the first place."
Val stiffened and he ran a hand through his hair. "Ymir, it's not my fault-"
"I know that."
"You always act out emotionally. You could have been able to see her if you just arranged something with me but instead, you threw a fit and punched my damn lawyer."
Ymir flinched, feeling her eyes burn with the same self-hatred that always boiled deep inside her. She used to have better control of her emotions. She knew that. And she was trying to reclaim that power. "Things are different now, Val."
His eyes looked her up and down. He rubbed his forehead. "I want to trust you on that."
"You can," Ymir reassured softly. She curled her fingers in a fist and then relaxed. "I just want to see her."
"I know," Val replied with a nod. "And I don't blame you."
Ymir furrowed her eyebrows. "Can we arrange something?"
Val drew in a breath and looked away. He ran his fingers through his hair. With a wry smile, he spoke. "My father was never around when I was a kid. And when I found out I had a daughter, I knew I didn't want to end up like my father. Every child deserves two parents. So I got myself situated and I stepped in," He craned his neck and met Ymir's eyes again. "I didn't want you to lose anything, Ymir, but I had no idea that your situation wasn't the best. And like I said before, we could have arranged something but you had to act out irrationally."
Ymir had been arrested after punching that stupid man in the suit. After her short stay in jail, she was released and Ymir made more rash decisions. She plummeted into depression and alcoholism. Ymir remembered when she got caught speeding and was taken to the police station for a DUI. Ymir remembered how Eren had bailed her out. He had looked at her with pity. Ymir knew she never wanted her friends to look at her the same way again. "And that's why everything is different now. I've learned my lesson. Grown from my mistakes. All that cheesy bullshit. We can fix this, make it right, for our child's well being."
"It's always what's best for the kid, huh?" Val chuckled lightly, his expression easing.
Ymir nodded her agreement. "That's how it should be."
Val hummed and reached a hand out to pat her shoulder. "Then let's make things right."
His words made Ymir's chest swell and she smiled with relief.
…
"It's been a few months since we started but your progress is probably one of the best I've seen out of all my clients," Dr. Zackley said full-heartedly. He adjusted his glasses and grinned, his face wrinkling with age. "You're a strong woman, Historia. Your strength is an admirable trait. You're a fighter."
A fighter.
Historia laughed lightly even though there wasn't anything humorous in his words. Sometimes it was hard to understand that she made it this far and that she's safe. Historia had freedom and she's been far more of an individual than any other time in her life. "You've helped me a lot."
Dr. Zackley shook his head. "You helped yourself."
Historia knitted her eyebrows together with a confused smile. "You're the one who taught me how to open up."
"You chose to be honest, my dear, I've only been a guide," Dr. Zackley sat back in his chair, his hands over his round stomach. "You've learned to be independent, take control of your life and you're emotionally recovering."
"It doesn't feel like that, there are certain things that still-," She paused for a moment, taking a shaky breath and continued, "Take me back to those moments. It's like he's still here, sometimes."
"Even when people heal, it's never actually a full recovery. We still have our memories and scars that remind us of the past," The man spoke, his tone darkening with experience. "It's just a matter of how one chooses to cope. Reducing your anxieties and fears means having control. When was your last major panic attack?"
Historia honestly couldn't remember. The last time she came close to one was when Sasha took a grip on Historia's wrist when the woman was going into labor. Historia had managed to push down the anxiety and focus on Sasha instead of her personal problems. "I'm not sure…"
"And I assume life hasn't been all too stressful? Your job? Relationship?"
"My job has been alright and my relationship with my girlfriend is going really good right now," Historia admitted. "This is probably the happiest I've been."
"That's great," Dr. Zackley cheered. "You need to understand that you're a survivor. You've been through a lot. Life hasn't been the kindest to you but you've managed to push through. You're an individual and you deserve to live a life you're proud of."
"Huh."
"Sorry?"
"No, it's nothing," Historia shook her head and lifted her chin, managing a proud smile. "But you're right. Even though it's hard to believe, I deserve this, don't I?"
"Of course."
Historia held that close to her heart. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and let acceptance flood through her body.
She deserved this.
…
"We need to talk," Zeke spoke directly towards Marcel. He didn't even spare a glance at Porco who stood behind Marcel when he continued, "In private."
The brothers had just walked into the house and Zeke had been patiently waiting for his partner to arrive.
Marcel turned to Porco who just gave him a nod of understanding. Marcel followed Zeke as they both walked back outside and stood on the porch. Zeke immediately took out a cigarette and lit it. Marcel took out his own pack and started to smoke alongside Zeke.
He didn't initiate the conversation or ask. He always waited until Zeke talked before Marcel even thought of something to say. Silence was a common thing between them and business always was a priority when it came to conversation.
Zeke exhaled a stream of smoke, sunlight glittering off his glasses. "I don't suppose you talked to Ymir recently about Willy, have you?"
Marcel shook his head. That was the last thing on his mind when the two of them had talked. Their conversation had been about Porco and Historia. He wanted to grimace but refrained, keeping a neutral expression.
"Tybur's body was found a while back but they haven't been able to find who was responsible for his death," Zeke said, more as a reminder. Marcel had already known since his death reached public news. It was a day after Ymir killed the man when the nation's news announced Willy Tybur's connection with the missing person cases and his underground ring. It was also reported that he was missing. Considering Willy Tybur's family background, it wasn't long before they found his body. While Zeke's skill of secrecy and anonymity was useful in hiding bodies, he was no match against the highly paid investigators. The investigation was still ongoing as authorities were desperate to find who exactly killed him while the Tybur family breathed down their necks. "Ymir is far from being a suspect, you don't have to tense up like that."
Marcel wasn't aware that he had even reacted. He took a deep breath and looked at Zeke with question. "They found my drug in his victims' bloodstream. Of course, the authorities don't know I am the creator. Though, they came to me recently."
"Do they think it's you?"
Zeke shook his head and with a small grin, he said, "I could smear shit on their faces and they would suspect someone else did it."
Marcel didn't laugh.
"Tough crowd," Zeke muttered then his expression shifted with seriousness. "As one of the best forensic chemists, of course, they asked me to run tests and figure out what was in the drug. And predictably I put fabrications in the results because I don't need this whole operation shut down because of some foolish politician's son."
"You want to slow down business?" Marcel guessed.
Zeke glanced at him with approval. "Stop it as a whole. We need to lay low, for now, I can't afford any leads. While I trust my clients, it's not a risk I am willing to take. I want you to tell our minor customers that we'll be out for a while, I'll handle our bigger fish."
"Understood," He nodded.
"We'll be leaving this place soon, by the way, Marcel," Zeke added, finishing his cigarette and diminishing it. He took off his glasses to wipe them and narrowed his eyes to stare at Marcel. "So I recommend getting your personal problems settled before they interfere with our situation."
Marcel met Zeke's stare with an even gaze. His heart rate was starting to rise and a million things started to whirl in his head. He already knew what Zeke meant. Marcel gave a small smile and replied steadily, "You've got nothing to worry about."
"And you've got the world to worry about," Zeke shot back, his tone low. He turned away and stepped back into his house. With one last look over his shoulder, he spoke in an almost threatening manner. "Don't let your brother mess this up for us."
…
It was one of their slower days. Ilse was shifting through documents of the past and present while a pang of guilt gnawed at her stomach. The results of the drugs came back a few days ago that had been found in the Willy Tybur case. It didn't lead anywhere. No one was sure who made it and how Willy Tybur got his hands on it. It was theorized that maybe Willy was the creator or maybe his family but after investigating, it didn't lead anywhere.
Ilse knew how to get an answer though.
She had always known but after all these months, she hadn't made an effort.
It was her way of showing mercy.
"Ilse, we found this," Peaure said, handing her an item.
Ilse took it and felt dread fill every bone in her body. It was Ymir's phone.
She gripped the device tightly, looking up at Peaure. His youthful and innocent eyes bore into her and she felt her mouth going dry as dishonesty started to form onto her tongue.
"A phone?" Onyan interjected, his fingers prying the electronic from Ilse's grasp. He looked at it curiously. He tried to turn it on but to no avail. His thumb ran over the cracked screen. "Where did you find it?"
Before Peaure could reply, Roy interrupted him. "Over here," He called them over, crouching above imprints on the ground. There were tire marks. Roy lifted his head and looked at all three of them with cold seriousness.
Onyan stiffened and his eyes widened. He handed the phone back to Ilse and started racing towards the crowd of ambulances, police, and news teams. "We need someone now!"
The world started to move around in a blur. The excitement of finally solving so many missing person cases was diminished as worry started to sink its fangs into her chest. Ymir. Ilse couldn't help but think. She shook her head, pissed but also scared.
She was there when they found her.
At the side of the river. A little away from the bridge. Screaming in anger and agony.
When no one was looking, when the medics were handling Ymir. Ilse tossed the phone into the running river. Never to be seen again.
It was one question she had to ask the brunette.
And she'd get all the answers she needed.
But Ilse was showing mercy.
Or maybe she was being selfish and unfair.
"What's the matter?" Onyan broke Ilse out of her thoughts. He was shrugging on his coat as he readied himself to go home. Today Ilse was going back to the apartment instead of to Onyan's. Even though she frequently stayed at her boyfriend's place, leaving the two lovebirds alone to do their thing, she wasn't sure if she wanted to officially move in with him yet. "It's getting late, you know."
Ilse's eyes skipped to the clock on the wall. It was well past 7 pm and she realized maybe that's why the day felt like it was dragging on for so long. She leaned back in her chair with a puff of air. "Just giving some time for the lovebirds to finish up so I don't have to catch them in the act."
Onyan chuckled and walked up to her, leaning down to kiss her on the cheek. "You're okay though, right?"
"Of course," Ilse reassured. "Just thinking, that's all. This Willy Tybur case is stressing me out."
"Right," Onyan nodded in agreement and pressed his lips together. "Well, we don't have any other choice."
"Because his stupid rich family won't stop breathing down our neck, yeah," Ilse rubbed her neck at the thought and started to put away the documents. "Though I do have to wonder why we are part of the investigation. We're local and not as professional as the other people that are involved. Willy was the former president's son, you know."
"Grief can do things to people," Onyan replied."
Ilse knew he was right, evident in Ymir but she brushed it off. "Or maybe their reputation." And Ilse couldn't help but also think of Historia. Historia was a Reiss and she was clearly not involved with the family affairs for reasons unknown to Ilse.
Onyan made a face that looked rather stupid but also adorable. He gripped Ilse's shoulder as a form of goodbye and said, "Roy already advised to leave it to the bigger fish, if you don't want to continue this case, you don't have to. Besides if no one can find anything about the source of drugs or who was responsible for Willy Tybur's death, it might end up a cold case."
Ilse was aware of how Onyan wasn't putting his heart in the case. She couldn't blame him considering what the dead man had done to the missing people that the pair of detectives had searched for. "Doubtful but yeah, maybe I should just stop worrying about that bastard."
Ilse knew how to get an answer but it wasn't something she wanted to ask Ymir. Because Ilse knew Ymir was involved with Willy, possibly involved with her death. She was there, when Ymir had recovered from the crash and had been interrogated. The brunette claimed to not even know that the man even lived here and that the accident was because she wasn't paying attention. "I was falling asleep, I didn't sleep that night." Ymir had told the authorities. Ilse could tell that she was lying but she wasn't sure why the men asking her about it weren't suspicious. Was it because Ilse knew Ymir well or there was something else going on behind the scenes. Ilse was very aware that Ymir's accident wasn't reported when it came to the Willy Tybur case. Not tied to it at all.
Ilse furrowed her eyebrows and shook her head. When she came home that night and saw Historia and Ymir laughing away, it was a reminder to Ilse despite the dishonesty in her actions. She couldn't tell anyone that Ymir was involved. Ilse couldn't ruin that happiness for Ymir.
…
"It's going to be a lot today," Ymir told Historia during the early morning hours. They both laid in bed, their limbs entangled together with the sheets. Ymir's fingers ran through Historia's golden locks. "I'm sorry if it overwhelms you."
Historia could feel the brunette's heartbeat, drumming unsteadily and she knew Ymir was scared. Historia closed her eyes and pressed herself closer against Ymir. "Okay."
"Okay?" Ymir echoed.
"Yeah," Historia confirmed, rubbing her head to suffocate herself deeper in Ymir's embrace. Ymir's fingers stopped for a moment before her palm rested on the back of Historia's head.
They existed in the silence for a few minutes before Historia lifted her face and peered at Ymir. "Is something bad going to happen?"
Ymir didn't meet her gaze for a moment then sighed. "I hope not. There's going to be a lot of honesty today and sometimes the truth hurts."
Historia didn't like the way Ymir said that but she tried to put faith above anxiety. Ymir doubted herself a lot and it was present in her tone. "I'll be honest too."
A chuckle escaped Ymir. Historia could feel how her whole body shook against hers. "And what secrets do you have to tell me?"
Historia's mind immediately flooded with memories of her family and Porco. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to not let anything darker settle itself in her brain. She was safe here with Ymir. "There are still things we don't know about each other."
"I know," Ymir admitted and placed her lips on top of Historia's head.
"What is it, what are you going to tell me?"
Ymir didn't reply.
"Ymir?"
"I just don't want you to hurt you but I also don't want to keep anything from you, Historia."
Historia blinked and she couldn't help but worry. The worst of thoughts immediately were at the forefront of her brain and she thought momentarily if Ymir was going to ruin their relationship. But laying in bed with her, the way Ymir was holding her, she knew Ymir didn't want to end this. Historia wouldn't even know what to do if they broke up and it wasn't something she wanted to ponder on.
"I want the best for us," Ymir muttered hoarsely.
"I do too."
…
Historia felt a surge of jealousy swamp her chest as she witnessed the way Ymir and Val looked at each other. She didn't expect the father of Ymir's child to be so boyishly charming. Historia, guilty, had to wonder how the two of them even hooked up at one point. Val smiled easily and he seemed friendly enough. He was respectful, kind and his eyes expressed every emotion he felt. Similar to Ymir.
Historia unconsciously clutched onto Ymir's arm, one hand weaving around and another resting on the front of her forearm. She leaned in, affectionately and she noticed the way Val's eyes flitted towards her with amusement.
He lifted his fork to pop his food into his mouth and he said, "So, now that we got done with the pleasantries, what do you wanna ask?"
His question was directed towards both of the women. And before Ymir could say anything, Historia beat her to it, "You're married." Her blue eyes pointedly looking at the ring that was snug on the fourth finger of his left hand.
Ymir made a noise of surprise as it seemed she just noticed that. She spluttered comically, "Y-you're married?! W-when?"
"I'm engaged," Val corrected politely. The corner of his lip curled to a love-stricken smile. "The wedding is in a few weeks."
"Oh," Ymir rubbed her forehead and Historia noticed a bit of confliction in her gaze. "Uh, congratulations?"
"Thank you," Val nodded and his gaze seemed to evaluate the brunette. "We've been together for a few years."
"I didn't know."
"That's alright, it was never relevant."
Ymir furrowed her eyebrows and she hesitated for a moment before asking, "Does your fiancée and...y'know, get along?"
"Freyja," Val said bluntly, causing Ymir to flinch. Historia felt the brunette tense against her and Historia squeezed Ymir's arm reassuringly. "Why do you avoid saying our daughter's name, Ymir? And yes, they do get along."
It's the first time that Historia heard Ymir's daughter's name. It's a bit of a realization that the two of them have directly spoken about her. Historia never asked about Ymir's child because she figured the brunette would be uncomfortable. She was vocal in supporting Ymir's decision in trying to get her back but it never struck her until now that she would be involved in the life of a kid if things went well. It was a little odd to think about but she wasn't against the idea. Far from it.
"It's-," Ymir's voice faltered for a moment and she took a deep breath to gain composure. "I guess there really isn't a reason, I just don't think I deserve saying her name sometimes. But that's good, it's great they get along."
"Freyja is too beautiful of a name to not say," Val replied, thoughtfully chewing on his food. He swallowed and he turned his head to Historia. "If you don't mind me asking, how did you two meet?"
"She bumped into me while I was bringing home groceries," Historia answered, knowing that there was so much more to their encounter that she purposely left out. "The rest of it is history."
"Or Historia," Val joked causing Historia to snort. "I know, I know, it was a bad joke. But you get it, right?"
"Yes, we do," Historia and Ymir said in unison, their tones expressing their lack of amusement.
Val laughed. "That's cute."
…
Marcel's had many sleepless nights before. It's hard for him to get his brain to shut off. The whole day experienced will run through his mind and he would evaluate each situation thinking about another way he should have handled it. His conversation with Zeke was looping in his mind and he cringed inwardly. "Don't let your brother mess this up for us."
Marcel sat up in his bed like a knee jerk reaction. He clutched the sheets before throwing them off him. He got up and scrubbed at his eyes feeling them burn with emotions he didn't want to acknowledge. "You're the most selfless person I've met. And you're brother? He takes. He takes so much from everyone in his life and you let it happen."
Marcel went to the kitchen and set himself a glass of water. When he turned around to peer into the living room, he noticed that Porco was up, watching tv.
"Can't sleep?" Marcel asked, slowly walking towards his brother.
Porco nodded his confirmation. "You too?"
"It's hard to sleep when you've got a million things running through your mind," Marcel admitted quietly, maybe a little too genuine for both their liking.
"Yeah," Porco muttered, running a hand through his hair. He frowned thoughtfully and Marcel already knew Porco was going to start a conversation Marcel didn't want to have. "I've been thinking-"
"Of course you have," Marcel's words came out bitterly instead of jokingly.
Porco looked taken aback and guilt immediately pooled into Marcel's stomach. But his brother made an effort to brush it off and Porco shook his head. "I want to look for her."
"Porco-"
"I know what you said. I know. But I want to find her, I want to show her that I changed and I want her to give me a chance."
Marcel felt his I want statements slash through his heart and prickle at his mind. Selfish. He wanted to throw his face into his hands and disappeared, just so he didn't have to experience what Porco was saying. What he wanted to do. Marcel mentally reinforced the wall he had built around his mentality. He shoved the negatives down and he locked them away. He softened his expression and he offered an easy smile. Slowly, he withdrew himself and a grey hue started to engulf his world. Marcel couldn't do this if he let his emotions get in the way. "Porco."
"I was such an asshole to her, Marcel," His brother broke, his voice shaking. "I hurt her. So much and I don't deserve her forgiveness but I love her. I love her more than anything even after all this time and I want her to know that."
Marcel knew how powerful he currently was in this situation. Porco was vulnerable and Marcel could easily shatter his world with a few simple words. It was a little frightening to know this. He would do anything for his brother but he lied to him one time for Ymir. He had the choice to destroy both their worlds or keep secrets to prevent chaos.
"So I recommend getting your personal problems settled before they interfere with our situation." Marcel wondered if he should break his reassurance towards Zeke. He could ruin this for everyone. Zeke, Ymir, Historia, Porco, and himself. That power was in his hands. He knew everything he needed to know. A few truths and their worlds could be set off balance.
"You abused her, didn't you?" Marcel's voice broke through the silence and he stared at Porco, his eyes emotionless. "Raped her? Assaulted her? You didn't just hurt her, Porco. You broke her."
And that's when he saw it.
The brutality in Porco's character.
The way his pupils dilated with a storm of aggressiveness and entitlement of a narcissist. Marcel made him this way. It was his own fault.
"It wasn't my fault," Porco tried, his hands shaking as he put them on the sides of his head. "I didn't mean to, I just wanted-"
Wanted. You always want something. Marcel thought, his voice seeming to echo.
"It's your fault!" Porco lashed out, standing up and glaring at Marcel. His hatred spewed from his words and straight through his brother. "You always fucking gave me something and I knew you wanted something back. It's not my fucking fault I couldn't keep a stable life. Historia didn't have fucking money and I couldn't find a way to get my own. But I knew I had to pay you back. That's why you ignored me all these years, isn't it?"
"Of course, Porco," Marcel smiled, the gesture distant and separate from his body. Porco was playing the victim. Because it couldn't be his fault. It was all Marcel's. It always has been from the beginning. Since they were little kids. A six-year-old and a four-year-old who put the whole world against them. "That's why I'll give you anything you want."
Porco reeled back and his expression flared. He moved to grip Marcel's shirt and he aimed a fist. "What the fuck is your problem?!"
He continued smiling. "You're my problem."
Marcel saw stars. He tumbled backward into the couch and he felt pain consume the left side of his face. Breaking from his daze, he stood up and shoved Porco. "You're my brother. The only family I have. That's why I would do anything for you. Can't you see that?!"
"You're not making sense," Porco spat, his expression unsure but also angry. He took a step away from Marcel, trembling. "What the fuck do you want?!"
"I want you to be happy."
"So you know where she is, don't you?"
"Yeah," Marcel admitted, his voice wavering. "I do."
"Where is she?"
"I can't tell you that, Porco."
"Why not?"
"It's better this way."
"How would you know? If you want me to be fucking happy, let me see my whore of a wife."
"No."
It's the first time Marcel had ever said that to Porco.
…
"He's nice," Historia commented. Ymir and she were walking side by side, having said their good-byes to Val.
"He is, isn't he," Ymir mumbled, her eyes concentrating in the distance. Her hand went to squeeze Historia's. "He's a good father."
"So, what's going to happen?"
Ymir sighed, her shoulders slumping. "Well, hopefully, this is it. We just need to write out a Child Custody Agreement and submit it to a judge." And then she added with a whisper. "And I don't think I need a lawyer."
"Val is a very reasonable person, isn't he?"
"It's hard to think that I thought of him as a villain."
"I'm sure no mother wants their child taken away."
"Of course not," Ymir pulled away and she took a few enthusiastic steps forward and turned around, walking backward. A grin cracked along her features and she threw two fists in the air. "It's finally happening!"
Historia laughed. "It is."
Ymir stopped, letting Historia bump into her. She took a hold of Historia and kissed her. Her lips were tender against Historia's and she could feel the passion that was radiating from Ymir. When Ymir pulled away, she wore her classic dorkish grin. "We need to find a house."
"Right."
"And we're going to buy and live in it."
"Yeah, I think that's the point of a house, believe it or not."
"Exactly!" Ymir cheered.
It was refreshing to see how happy Ymir was. It was as if all weight was taken away from her shoulders and she was walking on air. Her golden orbs were brighter, her posture confident and her smile didn't seem to leave her face. Historia didn't want to burst that attitude but…
"You told me this morning you were planning on being honest," Historia mentioned and it hurt to watch Ymir's expression fall. "What is it? What do you want to tell me?"
"Oh, right, that," Ymir said and rubbed the back of her neck. She moved to grip both of Historia's hands and she guided her. "Let's find somewhere more private to talk."
When they finally found a secluded area, Ymir told her everything. Why she lost her child in the first place. The depression she entered. The drug dealing she started doing for Zeke Yaeger, when the two of them were just starting to get to know each other. How Ymir met Willy Tybur and how she eventually killed him. The downward spiral after that and then what happened when she ran away after their fight. "Porco Galliard. He was your husband."
Hearing his name uttered from Ymir's mouth felt unnatural. But she knew that truth about Historia. "Marcel."
"His brother."
"I've never met him. Porco never talked about him," Historia said but the moment the words left her mouth, a memory flashed in her mind.
"Leave."
The gun lowered from her head. Porco trembled as he whispered softly, "Marcel." And then left in a frantic panic, leaving Historia alone in a house full of pain.
"So that's where he ran off too," Historia leaned against Ymir for comfort as she started to feel anxiety fill her chest. She tried to subside it. "Porco is here, isn't he?"
Ymir nodded, swallowing dryly. She moved a hand to rest on Historia's cheek and she kissed her forehead. "I won't let him get to you. I would kill that bastard before he laid a hand on you."
Historia shuddered and chuckled sadly, trying not to cry. "That's good to know."
"That's why I want to get out of here, we can get a house far away from here."
"What about Ilse? Eren? Val?"
"What about them? This is about us," Ymir replied, intertwining their fingers together. Historia always loved how easily they fit together. Like it was meant to be. "I'll still let Val see our daughter, hell, I'll even pay for his traveling if I have to."
Historia can't help but wonder if that "our" referred to Ymir and Historia or Ymir and Val. She would like to think the former even if she never met Freyja.
"Us," Historia whispered.
"Us," Ymir repeated and placed another kiss on top of Historia's head. Her serious expression caved away into a joking one and she lightly pinched one of Historia's cheeks. "It's about you and me, baby."
Historia batted at Ymir playfully, grinning. It was amazing to think that their relationship had changed so much since they first met. Her heart swelled with love and affection, it was the most comfortable she had ever been despite the lurking anxiety that rested deep inside her. Historia didn't want to think about Porco. Historia wanted to think about her and Ymir's future and the life the two could have together.
A life they could both be proud of.
A life of her own.
…
AN: Yes, I got one out before the new year! Big thanks to everyone who has favorited/followed/reviewed/read! Geez, it's hard to believe 2021 is almost here after the year we all just lived through. I can't really say much other than the generic pleasantries. Happy New Year, let's hope 2021 isn't as crazy :)
Until then, Zouboss
