The First Responder
Chapter 32
AN: I tried desperately to finish this story in this chapter, but alas, I failed. That said, there will be another chapter.
Wow! there's an end in sight for Corvid. The UK started administering the first vaccines! Yeah! I'm so happy. In the US, the first plane landed in Memphis and one in Montreal too. The vaccines will soon be air-bound, ground-bound etc. That said, however, this does not mean it's safe and/or that we're back to normal; it will take months, it took months to get to this stage, so please, I implore you to continue masking, washing your hands and practicing social distancing. #BLM
Six weeks later...
Sometimes I forget we've only been together a very short time. In mere days from now, it would be a year since I was consciously aware of Rick in my life, but it felt like we've been together an entire lifetime. In this short period, we made twins, got married and adopted my nephew. Our son was now sixteen months old and the twins were four months old.
In the past year, we've experienced more than most people do in a normal life and that's not bragging by any means. However, it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows either. First, I woke up earlier that year to discover I was the sole survivor of the car crash, which killed my entire family. Second, there was my therapy and making it back to work in record time. Third, I fought off what was for lack of a better word an internal coup attempt for my rightful place in the firm. Fourth, on the night I finally decided to say goodbye to my family at the accident site, I met this amazing man, a beautiful human being who turned the virtual shell of my former life upside down. And fifth, I found out I wasn't alone, I still had a part of my twin brother with me and that in itself was another battle but one we fought together. Finally, just when things all seemed to be falling into place, you know… me finally grieving and experiencing the baby blues, then there's this.
Rick hadn't spoken since we left the doctor's office and I'm scared. Scared of what it meant. I didn't doubt his love for me or his family but this was huge. How much more could he take?
I sat on the edge of our bed in our spacious bedroom and watched as my husband walked the length of the room several times. He walked to the wall of windows overlooking the grounds below which he failed to see. His boots clicked against the bare hardwood floor and intermittently dulled on the area rugs.
He paced back and forth like a caged animal, then finally he took a seat on the arm of the sofa in the sitting area with his back to the wall of windows. He looked shell shocked. I couldn't read him at all. The news came as a shock to me as well, so I could only imagine what he was going through.
My husband was distracted and rightfully so. I'm worried for him because, in a matter of hours, we were expecting a slew of people to celebrate the holidays. It was the last Friday before Christmas, the only date that accommodated everyone's schedules after the endless Christmas parties. It was also the first time some of the group would be together since the small christening the month before.
Ever since my meltdown several weeks ago, Rick employed several measures to ensure that it would never happen again. My job was to get better for myself, our children and for us. The house was now fully staffed and each child had their very own nanny. At first, I resisted but he wouldn't budge, instead, he argued that not only did I need time to heal, we also needed time as a couple too. He argued doing so makes us stronger and we would be better parents for it because he felt our bond was unravelling. In light of the latest news, the staffing was probably one of the best decisions we've made thus far.
Rick also insisted on getting me a personal trainer, not because I needed it but rather to reset my energies. Naturally, my trainer had to be a woman, of course, a condition that was non-negotiable. I smiled at the recollection of that discussion because his jealousy was so cute but he vehemently denied being jealous.
Presently, we were in the west wing of the house away from the hustle and bustle of the beehive in the east wing where the staff worked tirelessly to get everything ready for twenty-five guests we were expecting for dinner.
The stillness of our inner sanctum became louder once he stopped pacing. And the quietness of the baby monitors spoke volumes, it meant our children were on their scheduled naps, something I haven't seemed to achieve with them lately because I no sooner got one down before the other one fussed.
With each minute that ticked by, I worried more. I wondered what was going on inside his head. What would he say? What couldn't he say? A routine follow-up, that's all it was supposed to be when the doctor said those three little words. The silence on the way home was deafening much like it was now. I wished he'd simply say or do something.
"Baby, please say something, anything. Scream if you must, but, please do something…you know how I hate it when you get this way."
…
Say or do something, she says, her voice reached me in my haze and I laughed inwardly, hadn't I done enough? Between her grief mixed in with the baby blues, there were mornings when she barely made it out of bed because she had been listless and cranky. Now we found out she's pregnant.
Here I thought I was helping matters, I finally got her back to therapy and she was actively attending a grief support group. Plus, I talked her into letting go of some of the responsibilities that came with managing a place such as this. I encouraged her to be more present not only for her children but for herself, which shamelessly included me. I reasoned it was a matter of us taking control and becoming more focused. And what now? I managed to knock her off balance again.
"I'm sorry."
"What are you sorry for, Rick?"
"I should have been more careful."
"This isn't your fault, Rick. I'm equally responsible for what happened. Are you saying you don't want this pregnancy?"
"No. It's not that I don't want this pregnancy, Michonne; I want us… what we have now. We haven't quite figured out what we're doing with the three we have now… and with everything, you've been going through...I...I...I just thought..." hearing my voice out loud, I sound like a damn idiot, what husband wouldn't be happy to hear that his wife was pregnant again? Under different circumstances, I would be elated, but at present, I'm afraid it's too much. Since she started with the trainer, I saw a difference in her energy level but what happens once this pregnancy is over and the sleepless nights start again or when the children get sick and the postpartum blues come crashing back? We didn't want our children being raised exclusively by nannies but we both agreed these were exceptional circumstances that she needed time to heal and the fact that my job doesn't allow me to support her fully to get through this, we decided on nannies who could support her while I'm at work.
"I understand that sweetheart, but it's a little too late now." It took a while before I understood the foreign look on my husband's face, but when it finally dawned on me, I was surprised. My husband, the first responder, was one of the bravest men I know, a man who rushed into burning buildings and scaled down embankments to rescue complete strangers without a second thought for himself was terrified. He was terrified of our ever-growing family. But if I was being truthful, the thought of possibly having another set of twins scared the hell out of me too. What the hell would we do with five kids? He was right; we barely had control of the three we had now. Nevertheless, we created life and my hand protectively covered my stomach as he watched me and I intend to see it through to the end.
My wife's hand caressed her stomach and I knew without a doubt what it meant, but I still had to voice my feelings on the matter. "Of course, I want us to have more children, but I wasn't planning on having them so soon. In any event, the decision is ultimately yours. I just want you healthy, Michonne. You know I'm with you whatever you decide."
My heart broke when I realized I misunderstood his fear… he feared not for the size of our family but for my well-being. I knew immediately I had to do better... be stronger. I had to prove to both of us that I could do this. I got up from the bed and walked to him. I stood before him and cupped his stubbled face and looked into his worried blue eyes.
"I've got you, babe. I promise you we can do this. I won't end this pregnancy, if it's meant to be it will be. I'm here because of you. We were placed on each other's path because we were meant to be so any offspring we are blessed with are welcome."
Like magic, the tension vanished from his handsome face and he was his smartass self once more. Suddenly, he pushed himself off the arm of the sofa and his hands took purchase on my ass. He lifted me up and lay me down on the sofa and positioned himself between my bent raised legs and gave me a chaste kiss. "So, what's our number?" he jokingly asked.
"First, I think we should schedule an appointment with my Obgyn and maybe we'll do a little family planning between this pregnancy and the next because I eventually do want to go back to work."
Suddenly, he sat up and he was serious again.
"Yeah, about that, we really need to change your doctor, I want this to be our milestones to share and not through the party line."
And the moment he said that I recalled the incident outside the café. "The nurse outside the café? You don't believe she actually spread that, do you?"
"She claimed she only mentioned that she saw Mr. September's doppelganger in Atlanta but she had no idea it was actually me."
"And naturally, you don't believe her?"
"Michonne, there's no such thing as a coincidence. We were in your doctor's office the day before my mother called to ask whether it was true she was going to be a grandmother. No, I don't believe her. She lied. She's damn lucky I didn't report her for breaching patient confidentiality."
"Okay, I will schedule an appointment with Andrea's doctor." The words were barely out of my mouth when he rolled his eyes. I knew he didn't like Andrea much, he found her cold and off-putting, but he'd have to put up with her since I was stuck with Shane for a brother-in-law.
"Don't you think she's just as bad?"
"Hey. I have to tolerate Shane, so you get to tolerate Drea. We each have our own baggage. Plus, she won't be feeding the party line, that'll be your mama." Almost as if on cue, there was a knock at the door.
"Michonne, dear, is everything okay? Is Richard with you?" Ma called from outside our bedroom door.
"Plus, how long do you think we'll be able to keep this from her?" I whispered to him. "Everything's fine Ma and Rick's with me."
"Okay, dear. Richard, darling, I need your help to keep dad off a ladder."
I chuckled. I'm sure it was a coded message because either the sheriff was indeed trying to get on a ladder or Ma just wanted the scoop on the doctor's visit. All we knew was that I'm pregnant, but exactly how far along was anyone's guess, for that we needed to see my Obgyn and we were now shopping for a new doctor.
...
The place finally looked and smelled like Christmas. Ma escorted me downstairs and stood next to me, she knew I needed support before the guests descended on the place and triggered what was sure to be a flood of feelings from being in this house once again at Christmas. And I truly appreciated her foresight because being in therapy was one thing, but being in the throng of people was another thing altogether.
Both the large and small dining rooms kept their original design because mom always wanted a rustic look and feel in the middle of the city.
The rooms were sparsely decorated to keep the look and feel of the original design. An electric candle chandelier hung from the exposed wooden beams in the ceiling over the tables and on the mantle were silver candle-stick holders with red candles. The dining tables sat on oriental rugs and were set with red placemats and napkins, white dinnerware, flatware, and glassware.
The rooms were divided by a half-wall with a built-in fireplace on either side. On either side of the fireplaces were small light fixtures with an electric candle. A fresh fir garland with pine cones draped over the mantle and down its sides and red poinsettias sat on iron flower stands coloured the room. The Christmas trees were decorated in red and gold.
The outer wall of the room was lined with windows, which flooded the space with natural light and from the smaller room, one could access the deck which led to the spacious grounds.
The rooms felt toasty warm and the scent of the pine trees, cinnamon, and the wood fire transported me back to my youth to a happier place and time. Suddenly, I felt a chill despite the warmth of the place, and my body shivered. Instinctively, Ma gently rubbed my back.
"It's okay, dear, before long this old house will be filled with the voices of children and the sound of their running around the place you won't have enough time to be sad. And with the new ones on the way, lord knows you'll be busy."
I added nothing. She could be fishing. I had no symptoms like the last time around. She couldn't possibly know. I personally escorted Rick downstairs to help the sheriff out and I purposely sent him on a fool's errand to keep him away from his mother. She hadn't had a chance to grill him. So, no. Ma was fishing. The only folks who knew were the doctor and us… unless, of course, she had been listening outside our bedroom door.
"These ones must be boys, you're not as delicate as you were when you carried the girls," she continued.
I had to say something to discourage her because my silence only confirmed her suspicions. "Ma, what makes you think we're expecting?"
Ma chuckled and rubbed my forearm as she led me towards the kitchen, "Simple, dear, you two can't keep your hands off one another and despite what they say, breastfeeding is not a hundred percent safe. You've been listless and cranky and Richard is on eggshells around you. I told him to take you for a checkup. I just never told him why. Doctors only ask for follow-ups if they find something. You're as healthy as a horse but for a bit of baby blues and your grief both of which you're being treated for, so there was only one thing left. Don't worry, I won't tell dad until it's safe."
Ma was a wily old fox. She constantly amazed me. Here I thought sending my husband away was a great way to keep him from spilling the beans, but she suspected our situation all along.
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