:D enjoy!
M.
Chapter 74
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
It surprised Jack when there was a knock on his door. He didn't have any meetings scheduled. He had cleared the whole damned week. After they had gotten him stuck in DC for far more days than originally planned. He was certain he would still be stuck there for another day, but his luck had finally appeared. They granted him the mercy to return to his pathetic life in Colorado.
Pathetic, that was the word to describe his life nowadays. Pinning for the same woman since 97. Having married her. Waited for her for eleven years and some months, only to find out that as Daniel had told him, she had moved on. Oh, there was that one night they stole from their mission. Then there was that one night of passion that she had gifted him for his birthday. He hadn't been able to get the latter out of his mind since it happened. Not like thousands of hours invested in watching the screen time of themselves, was something he had forgotten all about.
Jack shook his head. Flabbergasted, when he noticed the head that peered inside his office.
"Dad?" Jack had said and frowned. "Come in! When did you get here?" he asked, as Jacob Carter entered his office.
"In the wee hours of Sunday." He said. Dropping himself unceremoniously in the chair in front of him. "How are you, Jack?"
Jack shrugged. Could he tell his father-in-law the truth? That now that she was so close, it all was so much more heartbreaking than when she was gone? That he missed her even more, now that he had a chance to sit in front of her every day for lunch? That he fought with himself not to touch her. Even if all he wanted was to have her plastered against him and never let go? That he couldn't take his mind out of the gutter when it came to her? And yet, he wanted nothing more than to get her eyes to shine with that innocence they once held? That he wanted to cuddle up to her and hug her. So she would crawl into him and heal him like the balm she was for his soul?
"I'm okay," he had said. "What about you? We haven't heard from you in a while."
"Yeah, things have been busy out there. It appears that there are millions of planets, too many, that have no idea what to do without the Reign of the Goa'uld. We have been helping them figure it out."
"Sounds just like the Tok'ra alley. You know, just like they did with us? Helping us figure things out whenever we needed some help with." Jack pointed.
"I feel some resentment in those words… Not sure why," Jacob chuckled to lighten the mood. Jack shook his head, at the awful sense of humor Jacob had developed over the years.
"So…" Jake had said after a while of sitting in silence. "Sam's alive."
"Yup."
"She's a General," Jacob stated. Trying to see if he could manage to pry something out of Jack.
In his mind, Selmak snorted. They had tried all sorts of tactics to get information out of Jack during Sam's missing years. To figure out what had happened during that week. Or if anything else had happened in between. Yet, the only thing they had managed to learn was just how close to his heart Jack kept his cards.
"It seems so," Jack shrugged.
"You never moved on." Jacob pointed then. "Not even when I told you to do it."
"I haven't."
"Yet… Surprisingly, you two aren't together."
"We aren't." Jack agreed grimly.
"Why?" Jacob asked after a while of examining Jack's face. The deep sadness had been there since the moment he had mentioned Sam.
"She has everything she could possibly want, Jacob. What am I in the grand scheme of things?" He shrugged.
"What do you mean?" Jacob frowned.
'She has a daughter, a house to call home, a good job, a nice career, and someone who called and was able to make her smile. Someone who texted her and made her go back home. No matter how thoroughly fucked and amazingly spent she was. Or at least, I thought she was. She has a father to her child,' He thought. The last one hitting him harder than he thought possible. Then he took a deep breath before answering him.
"I shouldn't be the one telling you this, Jacob. You should talk to her, not me." Jack shrugged. Making Jacob frown.
"I have. Not that she shared much, but I've been doing nothing more than speaking with her since I've arrived. Well, when I wasn't sleeping, or Parker wasn't talking my ear off. Even Selmak has issues following that girl's ramblings from time to time," Jacob chuckled.
"Parker," Jack said in a heartbreaking tone. "She has a Parker."
"So?"
"I can't get between her little family, Jake. I thought you would agree on that!"
"Jack… I swear to God! I have no idea what the heck you are talking about." Jack sighed.
"She has a daughter, Jake. Kids aren't made from spontaneous combustion. It takes two. Knowing your daughter, she wouldn't just go and have a kid with some perfect stranger. Just to fill whatever void she was feeling. Would she? So, I won't come up between her and Mr. I-can-still-make-you-smile-like-that-on-the-phone." Jack chuckled dryly. Jacob frown only deepened.
"There's artificial insemination," Jacob shrugged. "Besides, as far as I know, if the calls aren't from the SGC. The only ones on her phone are Parker or Jordan. That guy makes her laugh, but he is a big oaf. I barely know him, but he makes me laugh. That should tell you exactly how much of a dork he is. He cares for her it seems, but their conversations are business-related."
"Jordan?"
"Jordan Craig, her business partner." Jake states.
Jack knew Jordan, he had talked with him several times during her missing years. Heck! He had asked him to tell her he hadn't moved on. Then he had talked some more once they were paraded around for the trials. Jack had cracked up at some of the silly things Mr. Craig came up with. He had made Jack jealous too because he simply knew Jordan had seen Sam. That he had a chance to text or talk to her during the years she was missing from his side. It annoyed Jack that Jordan wouldn't tell him a thing about what he knew.
"Business-related?" He manages to bring himself to ask. Trying not to sound too curious about her love life.
"Yeah," Jacob answered. Although he had overheard a video call. Where Jordan had asked Sam if she had finally figured her love life out and gotten her head out of her ass. To get that piece of hunk that was waiting for her. Jacob fails to mention that. He really doesn't know who the piece of a hunk is, anyway. "She seems to have quite some businesses running out there," Jacob shrugged. As if it was the most common thing to say.
"Yeah," Jack answered. As if he wouldn't have died inside to try to learn some more about what it seemed wasn't happening behind her closed doors.
"She has a personal trainer…" Jacob said out of the blue.
"Well, she was always the best-organized person I've ever met. So, I guess she finds time to squeeze the trainer somewhere in her schedule." Jack dismisses simply.
"I'm worried about her, Jack," Jacob confessed with a huff. "She doesn't sleep nearly enough. She's up at four am. Trains until her body gives up. When I thought she'd just remain on the floor. She stands up and kicks the shit out of her trainer as they spar."
"She definitively isn't training with Teal'c," Jack tries to joke.
"No. There's angriness and so much more in her now, when she fights him. I doubt Teal'c or even myself could keep up with her now. Anyhow, that all happens before she gets ready to start her day. She makes breakfast for all of us. Then she drops Parker at school and comes here. When she gets home, it doesn't matter what time it is, she takes care of Parker first. Be that, make dinner, or just read a book with her. If it's early, they sit in her office and they do their work together."
Jacob looks at Jack. Jack can see the worry on the older man's features.
"It's something to watch. They both have this ability to focus. Anyhow, once Parker is out for the night. She works. She works until it's late in the morning. So, I'm not sure what you think is going on in her home, but I'm not sure she has, what you think she has, Jack."
"Maybe you weren't there long enough." Jack points out.
"It's been four days, Jack. I'm pretty sure I'd figure out if there was someone else living in that house by now. Truth is, all I see is that she's hiding in work. Over exhausting herself to sleep. I have no clue how to help her. Even Selmak is stumped on this one."
Jack gulped. That was not what he thought was going on.
He thought the tiredness he'd spotted had to do with being unused to the military life. Or maybe even that her daughter was a handful. The truth was, he hadn't wanted to dwell too much on why she seemed to need to cover the black rings under her eyes. Or why she was so curt with everyone. Or why the dimmed version of the twinkle in her eyes took so much coercing to come through.
"I don't know what you want me to do, Jake." Jack huffed.
"I don't know if there's anything you could do, Jack. At least not to fix what neither of you talks about. But I came here to ask you for a favor."
"For you or the Tok'ra?" Jack said through gritted teeth.
"For me, for her… For Parker, whichever you'd be more comfortable with…" Jacob waved dismissively. Jack nodded for him to go on. "I was going to ask Janet, but since you're the highest-ranking officer and you are here… Can you take over the SGC for a couple of hours?"
"And step over the boundaries of her command?"
"Yes. It's not what you're thinking… It's Halloween." He said.
"So?"
"Parker wanted to go trick and treating. It'd be the first time she'll get to go." Jacob grimaced. "I trust that what I'm about to tell you won't leave this room."
"Sure…"
"Sam confessed she wanted to take Parker on her first real Halloween. She said she only agreed with me taking her because she knows I can protect her, and she knows the neighborhood is good." Jack frowned. "I know… I don't know why she would've waited for so long, but I have no idea what they went through, Jack. She won't talk to me about it. So, will you take over, so I can drag her out off the base?"
"I'll talk to her, Jacob. I want to make sure she doesn't feel I'm overstepping. Especially now that I just returned from DC."
"You do that. I'll be at Daniel's lab. He mentioned they found some ancient rocks. Selmak is dying to know more."
"Jacob…" he says, stopping the old man before he leaves. "What's she dressing up as?" Jacob smiles.
"Her hero." Jack frowns in confusion. "She told Sam she wanted me to help her get her costume. Sam said something about a princess or some other."
"So? Who would that be?" Jack asked. Curious now because of the pride shining through the old man.
"She had me get USAF blues. She's going as her mom… Her hero. The only one she's known since she's been born." Jacob smiled sadly.
Jack waited until the door was closed behind Jacob to rub his face tiredly. His heart breaking a little, after knowing that her daughter was made of that same soft and naïve material Sam was made of, at some point. Then, a little more, when he figured that, at some point, the child would break just like everyone else. He shook his head to get himself out of those thoughts filled with dread, for the future of a kid he didn't even know.
But she was Sam's. So, he thought, no matter who the father was. The girl was part of her. A great deal like her, according to the little he'd learned. A mini Sam. He smiled and rubbed his heart that was aching again at the thought that this mini Sam could've been his. If only he hadn't he dropped her at that stupid place all those years ago. If he had pushed her to return to the SGC, after that mission, and screw the JCS.
"Sam…" he muttered.
Was it true? That she didn't have anyone else but her daughter waiting for her? That she hadn't anyone else warming her bed after all? Well, anyone else since Parker's father…. He growled. He's so tired of his brain. He was so tired of the relentless way that his mind kicks him repeatedly for having let her go. How that self-deprecation he always wore too close to his heart was eating him up even more since he'd learned about Parker.
Parker… He doesn't even know how old the girl was, or what's her last name. All he knows is that Sam didn't mention her when they saw each other. He knows Sam would've found a way to let him know if they'd had a daughter. Sam knew he always had a soft spot for kids.
Which brings him back to the issue at hand. Jack can't imagine growing up wanting to go out for Halloween and knowing you couldn't. So, he stands up and walks to the elevator. He goes through the SGC security, and low to the twenty-seventh floor. Taking a deep breath, he knocks.
"Come in," her steady voice beckons him. It's like a siren's song to his needy ears. She stiffens for a second once he peers his head in. He gives her a half-smile, and she drawls a breath. Instead of looking at her. His eyes betray him as he finds that the shelves behind her are finally occupied. She smiles self-consciously when she follows his gaze. "Not the most common display for a General, I guess. But those are things I feel proud of," she shrugged.
"Well, I can't say I've seen someone showcasing a pebble before. But to each their own," He shrugs.
"You have no idea, right?" She eyes him. He sees there's something mysterious in her eyes. Along with some level of scorn and the ever-present mix of sadness and guilt.
She shakes her head. He doesn't need to know how she came up with those things she's displaying. He didn't need them to learn to cope with a world of total solitude. A world so empty, that you couldn't even keep your own name. For him it looks silly, most likely, to have a pebble, two framed pieces of paper, a watch, and an everyday pen neatly placed on display. For her, it means life.
"I take you aren't here for my décor…"
"No. I'm here to ask you why you're here." He shrugs and she frowns.
"Should I be somewhere else?"
"Yes!" She gulps. He sees the pain in her eyes before she shields it. "It's Halloween. Don't you have a kid to take out?"
She looks at him. For a second, she thinks of how it would've been to walk behind Parker, while he walked beside her. His hand placed loosely over her hips and hers on his. Without a care in the world beyond that perfect family moment. One they wouldn't ever have.
"I do."
"Then go, I'll take care of this silly base for you. I'll make sure not to break it." She looks at him for a while. She knows he won't break the base. Heck, she knows the only thing he ever broke, related to her, was his own heart. She can't blame him for the cracks on hers.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, Carter. I can make it an order. But you aren't on my line of command anymore, remember?"
"Sir… I…"
"I'm trying not to overstep here, Carter. I'm just offering this, you know… From a father who had a chance to take his kid to trick or treating, to a mother stuck twenty-seven levels underground."
By the way he says it, she knows he's speaking of Charlie, not Parker. Her heartache doubles. Was losing Charlie part of the reason he doesn't acknowledge Parker as his at all? Her heart breaks for him. She now understands his pain a lot better. She can't imagine what it would feel like if one day Parker was gone. She nods, unable to form a word. She knows that anything she could say now would sound pathetically weak. He adds a self-deprecating smile that goes perfectly with the one she's already showing.
Broken people, that's what they are. They're just too stubborn to acknowledge that to the other. No matter how much the other has already figured it out. She walks past him and stops.
"Thank you, Jack." She says. Placing a barely-there kiss on his cheek. It's hardly inappropriate, but leaves him breathless, nonetheless. Makes him feel a bit more human, a bit more whole. Maybe, if Jacob's right… He should make his move. He should claim what she vowed was his.
He walked out of her office. Giving one last look at the shelves. He shook his head. For some reason, he could've sworn he knew that showcased plain pen.
