CHAPTER 45
The next afternoon, Brianna went with Claire to find the herbs Claire was needing, and Skylar stayed back, working through her regular chore routines.
Jamie had been watching her all morning and into the afternoon. He could now see that she was being more distant and quiet than he had ever known her to be. The positive energy and joy that always followed her was nowhere to be found. It tore him up inside that he hadn't noticed it sooner.
He went to the garden where she and Ian were and said to her "A leannan." She stood up from weeding and looked at him. "There are casks of whiskey that need te be delivered te the settlers. Would ye come with me te do that?"
"Isn't Ian the one that usually helps you with that?"
"I'd like fer ye te join me teday if that's alright wi' ye." He looked at Ian, hoping that his nephew would get the silent message to let her go.
And he did just that. "I have no issue with it at all. I'm te go te the mill teday anyway, so that would be good actually."
Jamie looked at Skylar again. "Sky?"
She gave him a small smile and said, "Of course I will. I'd love to."
As glad as she was to be going with him, she couldn't help but think, I wonder if he would have asked Brianna is she was here.
But her mood did pick up when they set out. They were talking and joking like normal. But Jamie could still see the sadness behind her eyes and in her smile. He needed to talk to her and ease her pain, but finding the words that could make her believe him didn't come easily.
They loaded the whiskey and distributed it to everyone who had most recently placed an order without any difficulties. On the way back to the cabin, Jamie stopped the wagon, saying, "Why don't we walk around a bit? I found some strawberry bushes just around here last week." Skylar agreed and they got out of the wagon.
After walking for less than five minutes, they came across the bushes Jamie mentioned. The strawberries were a good size and bright red. They looked very refreshing for the warm late Spring day. They each picked a few and sat under a nearby tree to eat them.
"I don't think I've ever had fresh picked strawberries," Skylar said.
"Do ye not have them anymore in yer time?"
"No, we do. But people really just buy them from a grocery store. These are so much better."
"I'm verra glad ye like them."
"We should bring some back with us, Jamie. I'm sure Claire would be able to cook something with them."
Jamie's eyebrows furrowed together at what had just come out of her mouth. "Why are ye callin' me by my name again?"
"Um, I had been thinking all day yesterday and I thought that you might prefer it if I stopped calling you dad."
"Why would ye think I'd want that?"
She put her last couple strawberries next to her and looked down at her fingers. "You said that you had always wanted to hear your children call you Da or Dad or whatever. So, with Brianna here and calling you Da, I figured you would want that special for just her since she's your…your actual child."
That went through his gut like a knife. Having Claire tell him that Skylar was feeling like this had been awful, but to hear her say it to him herself was more than he could bear and he felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest.
He moved in closer to her. "Skylar, a leannan, m' annsachd. Do ye truly believe that yer not my daughter anymore just because Bree is here?" She didn't answer. She just kept picking at her nails. "Ye couldna be farther from the truth, lass. Every child of Jenny's wasna relieved of their role as son or daughter when the next bairn came along."
"But that's different. They are all Jenny's real children. They share her blood. I'm just a random girl who got brought to your doorstep. If you're able to put all of your love towards the daughter you can actually see yourself in, why would you share any with the spare?"
"Blood does not make family. Family is made up of the people ye love more than anythin' and would do anythin' fer. Ye would fight te tooth and nail te the death te keep them safe and healthy and happy. Ye ken that ye would never be whole if somethin' were te ever happen te them. And I would walk through fire wi'out a thought if it meant ye would be happy and out of harm's way. Please look at me." Skylar closed her eyes and took a breath. She lifted her head to face Jamie, and when she did, she could see the desperation he was feeling to get her to hear the undeniable truth of what he was saying. "Ye are the center of my world, Skylar. Bree is no kickin' ye from that place. She is only joinin' ye. I love ye both with such a fire in my heart that words could never express." He very tenderly cupped her face. "My two beautiful perfect daughters. Is tu solas mo bheatha, you are the light of my life."
Skylar went on her knees to hug him tight around his neck and he held her close to him in the embrace, trying to repeat everything he had just said in words through the action. While they stayed like this for a full minute, an idea came to him.
He waited for her to be the one to end it, and when she did, he touched her cheek again, feeling such love and pride for the girl looking back at him.
"Now, with yer permission, there is somethin' I'd like te do te make it so ye never have te question this again."
"What is it?"
"Are ye still verra sickly around blood? Because this involves givin' ye a prick."
"After helping Claire tend to your's and Ian's never ending injuries, I've been beginning to get over it."
He laughed. "Good. May I have yer hand?"
She held out her hand to him, palm facing up. She got nervous when he took out his knife, but the cut on the heel of her hand was made so quick that she barely had time to react other than a small gasp. He did the same to his own hand, and then placed his cut on top of hers, pressing them together.
Looking firmly at her, he recited, "Skylar Anne Kelley Fraser, ye are the blood of my blood, bone of my bone. I claim thee as my daughter before all men, from this day forever."
Skylar couldn't breathe when Jamie gave her the name Fraser. She tried to focus on his face as he spoke, but he was very blurry from the happy tears building in her eyes. She finally realized how unbelievably idiotic she was to think he would ever think of her any differently than he had since day one. But after this, she would never doubt it again.
They took their time getting back to the wagon and rode slowly home.
Skylar hadn't felt this light and euphoric since hearing Ian say he loved her for the first time. And now she couldn't wait to get back to him, to hug him and kiss him and tell him about her time with Jamie.
When they arrived, she didn't see him right away. She looked around the land and in his shelter but he wasn't there. She went to see if he was inside the cabin, but she only found Claire and Brianna sitting at the table.
"Hey, do either of you know where…is everything okay?" It seemed that she had walked in on them in a serious conversation.
Claire looked at Bree, then said to Skylar, "We're alright, darling. Did everything go fine with the whiskey?"
"Yeah, perfect. Are you sure there's nothing-"
"I promise, Sky, you don't need to worry," Brianna told her. It was obvious that whatever this was about, Brianna wanted to keep it private. So Skylar didn't push anymore.
"Your hand," Claire spoke suddenly. "What happened?"
Skylar touched the makeshift bandage Jamie had wrapped around the cut he made. "Oh, um, that's nothing. It's very small."
"Well, you should still have it cleaned. Come over here."
Skylar went to the table and Claire brought out a small bottle of alcohol that she kept specifically for cleaning wounds.
"Were you looking for something when you came in?" she asked Skylar as she dabbed her hand.
"Yeah, I was looking for Ian. I can't find him."
"He and Lizzie went to the mill a while ago," Brianna informed her. "They're probably still there."
"Oh, that's right. I completely forgot that he said he was going today." Then the other part of what Brianna told her hit her. "Wait, he and Lizzie went to the mill?"
"Yes. He didn't tell you?"
"No."
The two other woman could see the youngest was getting riled up and they tried to calm her down.
Claire went first. "Skylar, I can promise you without any doubt that it's completely innocent. You know he doesn't think of Lizzie like that."
"Even if he doesn't, she thinks of him like that and that's what I don't like about this. Bree, I'm sorry, I know she's your friend, but even you've seen how she is with him in front of me. I don't want to think about what she could do when I'm not there."
Brianna countered with, "Even if she did try something, I can say very certainly that Ian would put a stop to it immediately. Yes, I've seen how Lizzie is around him, but I've also seen how he is around you. I've never seen someone look at another person with half the love Ian has when he looks at you. I haven't known him long, but I don't think he would ever do anything to risk what you two have."
Skylar took a long inhale through her nose and exhaled it slowly out of her mouth. "Okay, I need something to do to distract me until he's back. What can I do?"
Claire offered up the laundry that needed to be done and Skylar took it. She spent far longer than necessary scrubbing each garment and cloth while trying not to imagine Ian kissing Lizzie, him holding her and touching her.
She was working on one of the last pieces when they walked into her view. Her blood boiling as she watched them. They both seemed very happy. They were chatting and laughing like they had just gotten back from a pleasant day in town rather than collecting flour.
After setting the sacks of flour on the porch, Ian went to Skylar. He put his arm around her waist and kissed her cheek. "How was yer day wi' Uncle Jamie?"
"It was really nice, but I'll tell you about that later. I need to talk to you."
He was confused and concerned at the sharp tone of her voice. "Alright. What about?"
Skylar glanced at Lizzie who was with the horses, giving her a subtle glare. "Alone," she finished. Her eyes went back to him, then turned on her heel and headed for his shelter. Ian was unsure of what was coming, but he followed her.
He walked in behind her and closed the door. They just looked at each other for a beat, and then Skylar started. "You took Lizzie with you to the mill?!"
Ian was taken aback by the statement, though she made it sound more like an accusation. "Aye. Was that wrong?"
"I don't even go there with you. Why would you feel the need to take her?"
"Ye were gone wi' Uncle Jamie when I went, and ye dinna go there because there's that plant around it that if you get near it ye get all red and itchy."
"You couldn't just go alone?"
"I didna seek her out and invite her. She asked if she could come along. Why is this an issue we're arguin' about?"
Skylar put her hands on her hips, taking a long pause before asking the question she was dreading. "Do you have feelings for Lizzie, Ian? Because if you do, please just tell me now. It'll hurt less than if I find out accidentally."
Ian stared at her like she had three heads as he tried to figure out if he heard her correctly. "Do I have fee – what? Of course not! Where the hell did that come from? I swear it te ye on my life, Skylar. Lizzie is just my friend. There is nothin' more between us, I give ye my word on that."
"That's what we kept saying to people, remember?"
Ian waited a moment to see if she would say that this was a joke and she wasn't serious. But she didn't. "What happened teday that would make ye think all this?"
"This didn't suddenly come into my mind just today, Ian."
"What are ye talkin' about?"
"Christ, Youngin'! You can't really be that blind. But I mean, you didn't see it when I was head over heels for you, so why would you notice if any other girl is?"
"What does that mean?"
"Lizzie has a huge crush on you!"
"A crush on me?"
"She has feelings for you. She's attracted to you, like majorly."
"She is?" He seemed genuinely shocked.
"Yes! You really haven't noticed anything?"
"I dinna really pay much heed te any lasses other than ye, Sky. Nor do I look fer their affections." She took in a breath but didn't let it out. She ran a hand through her hair and looked to the side, the pool of jealousy she was drowning in making her feel hazy. Ian could feel her frustration and went closer to her. He spoke softly, "What could ever make ye think I would ever want anyone other than ye?"
She didn't look at him. She bit her lip, scared to say anymore because that too loud illogical part of her brain was saying that he just might agree with her.
"I'm not good enough for you, Ian," she told him very feebly. "And I'm petrified for the day when you'll see that too. And Lizzie," she turned from him and walked a few steps, crossing her arms, "she's just…she'd be a much better match for you. First of all, she's not half your height so you don't have to break your back every time you kiss her. She's also Scottish so she knows…Scottish things, I guess, that you know too, so you have more in common with her through that. She doesn't struggle to say a simple sentence in Gaelic and I bet she can pick up Cherokee and Mohawk far quicker than I can. And she's from this century, for God's sake! She understands things and knows how to do things so easily that I, for the life of me, can't seem to figure out because she's from here. She'd give you a much less complicated life."
Ian didn't respond for a minute. He just took in all that she said and tried to make sense of it. "Ye think I would choose someone over ye just because they can speak Gaelic, when that's their native language and they grew up with it?" Skylar looked down, choosing a rock to put all of her focus on while Ian continued. "Did we not just have this exact same conversation but two months ago, except it was the other way round? Where ye were the one tellin' me that ye saw me as perfect and would only ever want me fer as long as we both shall live?" She stayed staring at the rock and he went closer to her again. "Why is it that I'm no allowed te say bad things about myself, but ye can say as such about ye?" She felt him take hold of her upper arms and she took in a sharp breath. She stood up straighter and just looked ahead at the wall of sticks. "Can ye look at me, Yank? Please look at me." One small step at a time, she turned back around to face him. She was still looking down so he gently lifted her chin to make her eyes meet his. "Ye are the one constantly good and perfect thing in my life. Ye are what makes me whole. I'm wantin' te marry ye, Skylar. I couldna care less if Lizzie has a crush on me, as ye said. I want ye and only ye fer the rest of my life. So please, do not insult the woman I love. Because if ye do, then yer insultin' me." She gave an almost not even there smile at him using her words against her. He took her face in both hands. "Ye never have te fear losin' me. I'd sooner die before I'm te live a life wi'out ye." He pulled her into a hug and she burrowed into the crook of his neck, gripping onto his back. "Is tu solas mo bheatha," he whispered against her hair.
Skylar chuckled faintly. "Dad said the same thing to me today." They pulled back enough to look at each other, but still held onto their person. "I had practically the same conversation with both of you, just worded differently. I'm so stupid for thinking there was a chance you would leave me. I'm sorry."
"Dinna apologize. I'm glad that ye were able te talk te me instead of keepin' everythin' inside until ye exploded."
"And that explosion would've included me punching Lizzie."
"I'm verra glad that ye didna get that far."
For the rest of the day, Skylar's anxiety had gone down remarkably now that the two major pressing issues on her mind were resolved. Though Lizzie was still flirting with Ian the same, Skylar felt much less anger about it; especially because Ian was now aware of it and would not respond in the same overly kind way as not to give her any wrong ideas, but still not being rude or mean to her in the least.
When everyone had gathered for dinner for that night, Brianna said she had some news to share.
"Since it's going to be harder to hide it soon, I think it's time that I told you all…I'm pregnant."
There was a stunned silence from everyone except Claire and Jamie, who took the other's hand and shared a solemn glance.
Skylar was the first to speak. "That's so amazing. Omigod! It's Roger's, right?" Bree was trying to say something, but it was very hard for her to get the words out. Skylar's smile started to fade. "Is this not a good thing?"
"Uh…I can't…I don't know if it's definitely Roger's." Another silence fell among the group, but this one was so heavy that they could hear the flies buzzing outside. Brianna knew she needed to explain more, which was more difficult than giving her last statement. "The other man, he wasn't…I-I didn't-I didn't want to…he attacked and violated me. It was the same night that Roger and I were handfast so, I can't say for sure whose baby this is."
"Okay," Skylar said. "Do you know his name?"
Brianna paused for a second before saying, "No, I don't. He was a complete stranger."
I hate that I was right, Skylar thought. Whoever this man is, he and Stephen Bonnet can both go die in a fucking hole together, the disgusting assholes.
Skylar tried to spend as much time as she could with Brianna after that. She was there to give words of comfort with absolutely no judgement, but also to just listen when Bree needed to talk things out. She was fighting with herself on whether to keep the baby or not. She went back and forth over and over, and Skylar was there to listen to everything she had to say.
"It's an impossible decision," she would tell Bree, "and not one you should make lightly. It's right that you're taking this time to weigh out both options."
Brianna was so grateful to have Skylar there as a friend. She didn't want to talk to Lizzie about this because, as a person of this time, she considered abortion a sin and Bree knew she would argue against it. And she knew she could always go to Claire for anything, but it was better sometimes to be able to talk to someone her age and not biased towards her. Skylar also knew exactly how to make her laugh and distract her from the situation when she needed it.
She was happy that they were getting closer. Bree had noticed that Skylar was keeping herself more a distance and Bree was worried that she had done something to upset her. But more recently, Skylar was seeking her out and wanting to be around her and talk to her. They were becoming fast good friends, which made her feel even more guilty whenever she would talk to the younger girl about her attack and attacker, that it was the same man who had hurt her; Stephen Bonnet. She wanted to share this, but she knew it would be better to keep it hidden. Hearing Ian say how guilty Jamie was from not being able to protect Skylar, she didn't want him to feel even worse from finding out the same man hurt her too.
She also used this time with Skylar to hear out her frustrations with Lizzie. Skylar told her, though, that after her talk with Ian, she was no longer feeling contempt for Lizzie. She still didn't like it by any means when the Scottish lass would try to get Ian's attention, but she knew there was nothing for her to worry about. She even admitted that she was feeling slightly bad for Lizzie that Ian was now giving her half the time he used to.
"I don't want to be that controlling toxic bitch of a girlfriend that says he can't have any friends that are girls. I hate those kinds of girls," she would say. "And that's all she ever will be to him, a friend. We see so few people are age on the Ridge that I can't take away a friend from him or her. That would just be cruel."
She wanted to find a way to extend an olive branch to Lizzie and apologize, and one day, she found a way to.
It had been only two weeks since Bree made her announcement, and Skylar was watering the garden while Ian was grooming Finley.
Skylar saw Lizzie go to Ian and say to him, "Ian, I wonderin' if ye might accompany me te collect firewood? With Mr. Fraser busy with other work, I dinna want te go out on my own."
"Oh, uh…" Ian looked to Skylar behind Lizzie and they locked eyes. "I thank ye fer the offer, Lizzie, but I'm afraid I canna right now. I have te finish wi' the horses."
Just from looking at Lizzie's back, Skylar could see she was disappointed. "Oh, aye. Of course."
Before she talked herself out of it, Skylar called to them, "I can keep grooming the horses, Ian."
Ian was confused. "What?"
She crossed to the pair as she said, "Yeah, I can finish brushing them and such. You go with Lizzie."
"Are ye sure about this?" Ian raised his eyebrows, asking her silently if she was really okay with this.
She nodded. "Yes. Go take a walk with your friend."
Ian smiled at her and kissed her. "I'll be back before long."
"Can't wait."
He kissed her again, then he and Lizzie went off.
When they were gone, Skylar ran her hands over her and muttered to herself under her breath, "Oh, Christ."
It had been only 45 minutes when Skylar saw Lizzie come back. She had a very, almost forced, straight face and was speed walking to where she and Brianna slept.
Skylar jogged to catch up to her before she went inside. "Lizzie!" The one mentioned stopped at her name and turned to Skylar. "Are you okay? Where's Ian?"
"Aye, aye. I-I'm-I'm fine, Skylar. Ian and I, um, we ran inte Mr. Fraser on our way back and he asked Ian te assist him wi' a slight problem at the still. So, that's where he is." She was speaking very fast, like she was nervous. But Skylar chose to ignore that for now. She needed to talk to her.
"Oh, okay."
They stood awkwardly until Lizzie said, "If ye willna be needin' me, I'm goin' inside te-"
"Actually, Lizzie, um…there's something I wanted to say to you." Lizzie nodded and just looked at Skylar, waiting for her to continue. "I wanted to say…I'm sorry. I'm really really sorry for how I've been treating you since you came here. I was stupid and jealous and petty, but that's nowhere near an excuse. I was very cold to you and it was not okay. I'm really sorry, Lizzie, and I really hope we can be friends."
The dark haired girl gave the other a small kind smile. "Though yer apology is unneeded, I will accept it if it'll help te ease ye. And I, too, would like te be yer friend."
Skylar smiled back. "Great. I'm really glad we got that cleared."
"Aye, me as well."
"Before you go, just one more thing. I was treating you so awfully because I know you have feelings for Ian. And I wanted to say that you're, of course, allowed to have feelings for him. I obviously can't blame you for that. I have pretty strong feelings for him too. But," she took a couple steps closer and lowered her voice some, "if u ever act on them, I will slap u so hard across the face your head will spin around like an owl. Do we understand each other?"
Though this girl was quite a bit shorter than her, some fear crossed Lizzie's face at her promise. "Aye, Skylar," was all she said in response, understanding very well.
Skylar smiled sweetly again and touched her arm. She said, "Good talk," in her regular voice, then walked away.
So, I know that this one is significantly shorter than the last few. But I didn't want to include this in chapter 46 because something else happens in that one that I want to be the main event.
I hope you still like this one! Please follow, favorite, review if you did!
I love ye all verra much and I will see in 46 on Saturday! :)
