So you know how I write flashbacks in italics, but Gray's dialogue is also usually in Italics? Try not to get lost. For the flashback scene coming up, his words are in regular script. Sorry for any confusion.
To Carla the Wizard, see my note at the end!
"I can only surmise that the shock of bringing those memories to the forefront, along with his distress and life-threatening episode, caused his mind to put up barriers from further assault. He's repressed everything that's happened since before he was kidnapped. I'm sure it's only temporary. After he calmed down, I explained that it'd be better to ease into his memories, to let them come as they will. But the brat managed to surprise me when he suddenly decided he was no longer in a hurry to learn what happened."
Porlyusica and Makarov stood in the hall, away from the chatter coming from inside the infirmary. Erza and Lucy were dismayed at this new development, but were both confident in its eventual resolution as they were allowed inside with the others. Gray had been wondering where his other team members were.
Makarov was troubled by this. He'd stood silently before, simply observing what had happened an hour ago, not wanting to miss any that was said or done. Now he had even more to be concerned about. Before, Gray was a mess, but at least he was fully aware of what he was afraid of. But now, what would happen if he were to suddenly learn about his mother? Or of the nature on his injuries? What about...
"He told us he was still in pain, and he still can't speak. If he can't remember what happened, I would have thought these psychosomatic afflictions would not be an issue right now."
Shaking her head, she replied, "He may be unaware, but his mind still retains the memories. He just doesn't have access to them. This is also concerning, because if he's still feeling the affects of those phantom pains, he'll likely still react negatively to his usual triggers as well. But now, he won't even understand why something as ordinary as salt can cause him to panic. However, a strong enough reaction might jump start his memory, but his return to normalcy will be an ugly affair. If that happens, it will hopefully be after his heart strengthens again, which could take days, or a couple of weeks. It's probably good that he's reluctant right now to learn what happened to him, as he might not survive another cardiac incident so soon."
"He also seemed strangely calm for someone who had just woken up to a life with no sight or voice. He barely reacted when he learned about the seals, and of his lack of powers as well."
"I couldn't tell you what that means, other than that his mind is probably protecting him somehow. Maybe by not allowing him to fully grasp the situation. You may find him rather receptive about some things, but still have difficulty dealing with others. There's no telling what to expect between the two."
"Should we be worried that he's so reluctant to learn the truth?"
"No. With amnesia caused by physical trauma, such as a head injury, most would be upset with the memory loss. But it's not unheard of for someone suffering due to extreme emotional trauma to want to avoid revisiting the events that caused it. In fact, they can be quite content in their ignorance. If he's unwilling to talk about it, forcing the issue will make him pull away. Self isolation is the last thing he needs right now. Be patient. The memories will come back eventually. Just make sure someone's around when they do."
"We'll just have to wait and see, then. Thank you, Porlyusica."
"Hmph."
As she left, Makarov peaked into the room. His brats were trying their best to fill Gray in on the latest happenings, without alluding to anything having to do with his own recent past. That was proving difficult, with many periods of awkward silence throughout.
Gray finally got fed up.
"Quit walking on eggshells. I get it. Shit happened, and it's all you can think about. Do you need me to pick a topic?... When can I get out of here?"
"How do you feel? Do you think you're strong enough to walk yet?" asked Wendy.
"You gonna let me? Don't I have to wave a white cane around or something?" he asked sarcastically.
"Crap! We left it at your house!" exclaimed Natsu.
"... You're kidding... I actually use one? I really have been blind for a while... Crap... I've got another problem, guys."
"What's wrong? Are you dizzy? Tired? Ah! I bet you're hungry. Natsu, get him some food!" ordered Erza.
"No. It's not that... I don't know if I was any good at 'being blind' or whatever before, but I don't think I can even fine my way out of this room right now."
Oh crap.
This was nostalgic, and not so much in a pleasant way. As Gray slowly shuffled around behind Lyon, holding onto his arm as they went, Lucy couldn't help but flashback to Gray's earlier days at the hospital. She'd forgotten how difficult a time Gray'd had in the beginning, after he'd received his first grafts.
ooooo
"You're going to hurt yourself," came Loke's quiet warning.
"Everything already hurts. What's a little bit more?"
Gray just had to move. He knew his body enough to know that lying still for too long would only make the pain worse. Movement would relieve the stiffness, and hopefully help him release some pent up tension. He was slowly pacing around his hospital room, stopping every so often to get his bearings, and being ever careful not to turn too quickly or suddenly. He knew if he were to trip on his still wobbly legs, he'd end up pulling out a stitch, or tearing one of his very recently transplanted skin grafts.
None of which anyone could see, since he'd taken to wearing a long, black, silk yukata Natsu had bought for him. Not long after he'd been given more freedom to move around, Natsu, with surprising forethought, had shown up with the get well gift. Whether for Gray's self-conscious need to hide his scars, or for his own comfort was anyone's guess. But those who'd witnessed his reactions at seeing Gray's burns wouldn't blame him for the ulterior motive.
"Will you at least let one of us help you? Or use a crutch or a cane. You've only been on your feet for a couple of days. There's no need to rush."
It took a minute for him to respond.
"... I can't support that kind of weight on my hands."
"Damn it. Sorry. I can't believe I… Well, at least lean on the wall or … Right. Your arms…"
"Shut up, kitty. I'm trying to concentrate."
"Loke's right," Lucy piped in, " You're just walking around in circles anyway. I don't see why you'd want to tire yourself out like this when you're not even going anywhere. You're scheduled for PT later in the afternoon. Why don't you rest until then?"
"F*ck!"
Loke didn't bother translating that. Lucy had no trouble knowing what he'd said, judging by her wide-eyed concern.
"What's wrong? Did something happen? Did you pull something? What hurts?" she asked.
"Will you please just shut the hell up!"
...
...
Lucy and Loke were both too stunned to react. Yes, they were told to expect sudden fits of anger, and acts of lashing out. But they had hoped they'd be able to anticipate what would cause these reactions, and be able to avoid them. As it was, they had no idea what could have set him off.
"... *Sigh*... I'm sorry. Just... I can't find the bathroom."
"Here, let me lead you—" Loke tried to offer.
'—I don't need it! I just want to find it!… I'm trying to figure out where the hell everything is, but I can't concentrate. I got distracted… I knew this was gonna be hard, just... You said I had PT in the afternoon. I don't even know if it's still morning or not. I haven't seen light since… F*ck. They even stuck me in a room with no window. Because why the hell would the blind guy need a freaking view… Everything in here is so sterile and fake. The stupid machines never shut up. I haven't heard birds sing, or felt a breeze,... or sunlight… Hmph, bet my skin's as pale as the bed sheets now… what's left of it," he finished morosely.
"Maybe we can—"
"HOLY F*CKING SH—!"
"Gray!"
"Oh my God, I'm so sorry—"
"What happened? Loke, catch him! He's gonna fall—!"
"DON'T YOU F*CKING TOUCH ME!"
Everyone froze at his outburst, seeing he had managed to steady himself enough to Gesture as well as scream out his refusal for help. He was breathing hard, and had broken out in a panicked cold sweat at the sudden intrusion. The shock had caused him to jump in fright and spin around, wanting to keep the unexpected voice to his front, not that it did any good, but instinct won out. He was grimacing, hissing through his clenched jaw. They were sure he'd misstepped and twisted in a way that was painful and disorienting. They could now see him trying not to tremble as he regained his composure.
"Please, Gray, I'm sorry—," Erza tried to say.
"MAKE A F*CKING NOISE WHEN YOU COME IN!! IS THAT SO F*CKING HARD?! KNOCK ON THE DOOR. SHUFFLE YOUR FEET. CLEAR YOUR THROAT. SOMETHING! DON'T JUST START TALKING OUT OF NOWHERE! NOT WHEN I DON'T KNOW YOU'RE HERE!"
Everyone was unsettled by that reaction. Fearful, even. No one had ever berated Erza quite like that. None of them had ever seen Gray so pissed at one of them, nor seen Erza accept such angry words before. Loke suspected they had just witnessed one of those mood swings they'd been warned about. He'd have to discuss that with the others later.
Both Loke and Lyon had learned early on to speak Gray's words as they came, or they'd face his wrath. It was understandable, given how he had little choice but to rely on his translators, that he'd feel upset if others tried to censure his words, thereby further limiting his ability to express his thoughts and feelings. So Loke spoke for him, word for word. And though he hadn't spoken his words with nearly as much passion as their friend was expressing, Lucy could doubtlessly tell from his sharp movements and outraged disposition just how much he'd wanted to yell just now.
Lucy, now understanding Gray's ire, felt guilty as well. She had seen Erza enter, but hadn't thought to let him know she was there. They would need to try harder to make that a habit for now on. Under normal circumstances, Erza's sudden appearance wouldn't have been a big deal. But they had not just his blindness, but his constant nervousness and hyper awareness to contend with.
She wasn't sure, but she may have been more shocked by Erza's response to his rebuke, though she could understand her reluctance to show her usual displeasure at such treatment. She probably felt like she deserved it, after inadvertently sneaking up on him like that. They were all still getting a feel for how to interact with him. And they all understood that he'd be very frustrated and angry, likely despondent, even depressed, over everything he was being forced to deal with now. Besides, no one wanted to see what he'd do if a strong, powerful woman were to erupt in anger towards him. Retreating into a quivering shell of oppressed submission and fright seemed a likely possibility.
Erza had only been trying to suggest asking about switching to a room with a window, but knew if she tried once more to bring it up, he'd feel bad for jumping down her throat like that. Knowing she had caused him a great deal of anguish by her negligence, she merely bowed her head in regret as she replied, "Your anger is justified. Again, I am truly sorry, and I pledge to do better for now on."
At those solemn words, Gray deflated, his own regret evident when he bade Loke to lead him to the lone cushioned arm chair in the room, set aside for his use. He allowed him to ease him down, and he sat gingerly against the thick lumbar pillow a nurse had left there, all contact against his lower back, so he wouldn't put pressure against his grafts. He tried desperately to still his trembling hands against the arm rests, taking deep, calming breaths.
Though it was hard to tell with half his face covered in gauze, Erza believed he looked ashamed at his harsh words, which only made her feel worse. He couldn't help his reactions, and it was her fault for setting him off. She wanted to tell him he was in no way in the wrong, but such actions often made him feel like they were patronizing him, simply letting him off because his status as a trauma victim gave him a lot of leeway for poor behavior. He hated the very idea of having such an excuse, and preferred taking responsibility for his actions, regardless of how little control he had over them.
It was a confusing balancing act for everyone, trying to allow him the sense of accountability, while at the same time absolving him of the same. Everyone was having to adapt to so much, to change how they talked and acted around him. They had to choose their words carefully, trying to avoid anything that would remind him of what happened to him more than a month ago; mindful of the fact that to him, barely over a week had passed.
Rather than allow him to stew in self-deprecation, Erza tried to get him to switch gears by bringing up the original reason for her early arrival, as she wasn't due to return from her trip back home for another day.
"Mira asked me to deliver these parcels to you. They're get well gifts from everyone at the guild. Letters, cards, and pictures."
The contents of the parcel must have been surprising enough to derail his self scorn, because he immediately traded his look of guilt with one of confusion.
Seeing his puzzlement at the very idea that everyone thought sending letters, of all things, made any kind of sense, she continued, "Everyone just wanted you to know how much they missed you, and that they were thinking of you. We can read the letters and cards to you, of course. And describe the pictures. Asuka drew a few for you. It was her idea to send these to you. She misses you so much."
She grinned as she watched his confusion dissolve into a tentative delight at her mentioning of their youngest guild member.
"Asuka?"
Her grin became a big smile at the wistful joy he showed as he spoke the little girl's name. She knew he'd missed her as well.
Now Loke was really convinced about the mood swings, but would let them have their peace for now. He'd just have to find some time later to urge everyone to pay attention for now on. They would all learn together.
"Yes. There's an adorable picture she drew of you and her together, holding hands with big smiles on your faces. There's also one with a pony. It's pink. And there's a bunny sitting on it's head. She says they're best friends. She hopes you'll like them, and she wanted you to know that she'd be sending more in the coming days, until you can go home."
It was such a relief to see all that tension leave him, as he reached out for the parcel. He took the stack of various papers in his hands, thumbing through them, seemingly weighing them, and just feeling what textures he could discern. He even picked one up after catching a whiff of wax on the page, and sniffed it to make sure. Turning it towards Erza, he asked, "which one?"
"That would be the one with the pink pony and bunny. How'd you know it was Asuka's?"
"It smells like crayon. Figured it was drawn by either her or Natsu, but he's been here all week," he smirked. Was that a joke? It was! Sort of. This was Natsu he was talking about, but still. How glad she was to see that rare smile again.
Lucy wished they could continue, but it was almost noon. His diet was still limited, which he didn't mind, as he had such a small appetite most days anyway. But he's shown more willingness to eat if his friends ate with him, so…
"Well, the boys will be by for lunch very soon, so we can put these aside to read to you later, after you've had a chance to eat. Is by the bed okay?"
He nodded as he was about to hand them over, but briefly paused, before he asked if they could find some tape. When they asked for what purpose, he answered, "For everyone's art work. I want them on the walls. They'll help liven the place up… Don't worry that I can't see them. I'll still know they're there."
Now cheerful, Lucy replied, "We should let Asuka know how eager you are to add to your collection."
"You'll describe them all for me, right?"
"Every one of them," she promised.
ooooo
Just as back then, his gate was slow, cautious, hesitant. He had no confidence as he tried to make his way down the streets to his house. It was so jarring to see how insecure and hesitant he seemed in his movements now, compared to how much ease he'd often displayed after all those months of training with Loren. Constantly having to stop for a rest wasn't helping his mood either. What was usually a twenty minute walk from the guild to his house became forty-five minutes of breathless curses and stubborn refusals to just allow someone to carry him. Gray relied on Loke to speak for him, since he couldn't use both hands right now.
He was starting to flag again, but knew he was almost home, and low blood pressure be damned, he wouldn't stop again until he could lie down in his own bed. If not to sleep, then to take some time away from everyone's overprotective, overbearing presences, and to take stock of everything that's happened. It felt like he fell asleep one day, and woke up in another time. It was Tenrou all over again, except this time, he didn't have any fellow time travelers to lean on.
Finally reaching his house, they slowly made their way up the path, when Gray suddenly stopped. Thinking something was wrong, everyone looked at him with worry, but he didn't look like he was about to keel over. His head was tilted slightly, turning an ear towards a sound that didn't belong. Curious, he nudged Lyon towards the backyard instead of the front door. Knowing what drew his attention, Lyon led him through the gate of the arbor, allowing him to pull away and approach the unexpected sound.
Water flowing into a pond.
Gray's reaction to discovering this new addition was neither happy nor upset. He was more confused than anything. He'd planned on building a pond for his fish back here, but was waiting until the fall to get started. Yet another reminder of time passed. He didn't notice how his attention started to wander, as his body relaxed by degree. This was an oddly soothing sound. Lyon noticed, and guided him to a chair, before he got too relaxed and finally collapse right there.
Gray took a moment to just take in his surroundings. He could swear he smelled snow drops near by. He hadn't smelled those in years, but he'd never forget the scent. They were his mother's favorite—
A sharp pain broke him out of that thought, making him wonder at the sudden headache as he rubbed at his throbbing temple.
"You alright there, Ice Block?" asked Natsu.
He just nodded, pulling down his hand to look up again.
"When was the fishpond installed? From what I can tell, there's no way I built it myself."
"We all got together and built it from the designs you made, as a surprise for Christmas. You were really touched by it," Lucy said.
"Christmas... I forgot I'd missed it... or didn't miss it?... A surprise, huh? So you undertook a building project in my own backyard without me noticing. Way to put one over the blind guy," he said with a little ire. He couldn't help but feel just a little violated that something so complex had been built without his knowledge, literally in his own backyard. He couldn't deny the sense of insecurity that idea instilled.
"... We apologize. At the time, we were only thinking of giving you something we knew you'd enjoy. Deception was never on any of our minds," said Erza.
Sighing, he said, "No. Sorry. I'm being ungrateful. I appreciate it, really. It's a wonderful gift... I'm still just getting used to the blindness,I think." After all, he'd loved it the first time around, right? "I really do enjoy it," he finished with a small, placating grin.
"Hey, no worries. We're used to the snark!" beamed Natsu.
Gray's grin widened into a smirk, and he was about to reply when he was interrupted by a muffled, insistent meow, coming from his back door!?
He turned and looked curiously towards the door, and was only slightly surprised to hear it open, before he felt Happy leap onto his lap, hugging with all his might, crying, "Gray! I'm so happy you're alive!"
He patted his head with a slight chuckle, as Carla came out, chastising Happy for the over-dramatics. But why were they in his house?
Meow!
There was that meow again. He couldn't remember ever actually hearing any of the exceeds meow before.
"Yes, I know you missed him. Here you go," Carla said as she placed Joy down, who quickly found her way to Gray's legs, pawing at and rubbing against them, purring all the while.
???
"I have a cat?!"
"*Giggle* Yeah. Her name is Joy. Happy and Carla were taking care of her while you were gone," Lucy said.
"...I've always wanted a cat," he said, almost in a daze, as he bent down to pet her. She was so soft! "What does she look like?"
He listened to Lucy's description as he ran his fingers through her fur, and was almost captivated by how good it felt to his hands.
'You're missing an ear,' he discovered, before Lucy had clued him in on the story behind that. 'We're very much alike. You came into this world missing a part of yourself, as well.'
He picked her up with no protest from her, cradling her as he straightened, continuing to run his fingers through the feathery coat. Joy purred contently, happy to finally have her daddy home.
"Wow. I mean, I've seen you do that a hundred times, but you really enjoy petting cats. I'm kinda jealous," smirked Loke, receiving a soft slap on his suit jacket from Lucy.
"... It feels good. My hands are... just strange, foreign to me. Dry, kinda numb. They feel like they're covered in a thick layer of sand. But petting her feels... nice. It makes my hands feel better."
'No wonder he liked petting me all the time back then,' Happy thought. He still did, whenever the opportunity arose, actually.
"Why don't we go inside now. It's about time for dinner," suggested Lyon.
"You all go ahead. It's time I headed back. I've been here too long already," said Leo, "Lucy, if your hands are ever too dry—"
"Goodbye, Loke! Thanks for your help!" cried Lucy as she ran inside. Everyone else soon followed, leaving Loke with Gray.
He chuckled, then to Gray he said, "You shouldn't have any troubles communicating with anyone. Lyon of course, and the girls know Gesture Speak, and Natsu and Wendy can lipread. They've all got you covered."
"Yeah... great," he said as he rubbed at the nub of Joy's missing ear.
"What's wrong?"
"... Everything's changed. There's the pond, and this cat. They can all read Gestures or lips now. I walked out of the hardware store one day in the summer, and woke up in the middle of winter. I can't do anything on my own. Lyon had to teach me how to take a piss without missing before we left the guild. He didn't even seem surprised or flustered, like he was used to dealing with crap like that. I have a heart condition now. I feel like I should be more freaked out about my eyes, but it's like the novelty's worn off already. Everything's just..."
"It's a lot to take in at once. I understand. Imagine getting summoned for battle, then going home, only to get summoned again just a few hours later; but to our master, weeks had already passed. There were times when I wasn't contracted to anyone. One day, my master dies, contract is void, then a few months later in the Celestial World, I get summoned to form a contract with a new master, and decades have passed here. It can be pretty daunting sometimes.
"All you can do is adapt, and try your best to keep going. You're going to be okay, Gray. Just take it one day at a time. Those guys in there will walk with you every step of the way."
"Yeah... thanks. Guess we'll talk later, then."
"I'll be around. See ya." And he disappeared.
"... Yeah... See ya."
Gray stayed seated in his chair, enjoying the sounds and scents around him. A chill fell upon him, and he thought it odd that he could feel discomfort from the cold, but not be bothered by that fact. So he'd lost his immunity to the cold as well. Just something else to add to the list of suck.
...
That sounded familiar, too.
"Gray. You coming in? Lucy's heating up some stew," asked Lyon.
He was about to nod, but out of nowhere, he felt this sudden sense of unease. It was so strong, almost suffocating. Where was this coming from? It was just his house!
"Gray?" Lyon asked, touching his shoulder, pulling it back when Gray jerked in surprise, "I'm sorry! I thought you heard me... are you alright?
"... I was just wondering... if I could eat out here?... I... I just like the sounds out here."
"Yeah! Yeah, sure. We eat out here a lot, actually. Let me get a couple of bowls, and I'll join you." He turned to do just that, when Gray stopped him with a knock against the arm of his chair.
"Lyon," he said, wanting to ask him about this strange bout of fear, but had a sudden change of heart, "Thanks."
"You're welcome. Be right back."
As Lyon left, Gray felt relieved that he still had Joy to keep him company. He couldn't understand why he was feeling these odd emotions.
But for whatever reason, he just couldn't shake off this puzzling fear of going into his own home.
Lyon was grateful that Wendy and Natsu had stuck around after everyone else had left.
Dinner was pleasant enough. No one else chose to come outside with them, opting to enjoy the warmth of the house. They just figured it was an ice mage thing, until they remembered that Gray shouldn't be out there at all. They could all tell he was cold, especially Lyon, but he steadfastly refused to go inside. Wendy opted to let him have his way, draping a fleece throw over his shoulders instead. He really appreciated it, which begged the question: If he really was so cold, why not just come inside?
Natsu had an idea of what was wrong, and wanted to reassure him that his house was safe, but safe from what? He couldn't just tell Gray that his anxiety was stemming from his brutal assault and kidnapping from his own living room, by scary-dead-zombie-puppets and their freak of a master.
When dinner was finished, Gray had to steel himself enough to face his fear. This was getting ridiculous. He's a grown man, afraid of... what, exactly? He'd faced far scarier things than a single story cottage. Mentally preparing himself for the inevitable, he heard Lyon clear his throat before saying quietly, "Look, I know you're scared. All I can do is promise that nothing will harm you here, and that I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going to leave you alone. Why don't you let me lead you inside? I promise, if you're too uncomfortable, we can go to a hotel or something. Okay?"
Well, hadn't that made him feel like a little child? As much as it annoyed him that Lyon felt he had to say these things, he'd been a little more annoyed at himself because of how much better they made him feel. Putting his apparent wussification aside, he nodded his agreement, glad that at least he could feel some of that fear abating.
Natsu and Wendy, having heard the conversation, made excuses to stick around a little longer as well.
They were now in the process of getting ready for bed. Gray pretended he hadn't felt such an unexpected relief when Lucy and Erza had left. Why was his brain telling him to be wary of them as well? That puzzle, along with what the hell happened to his furniture, could wait until he wasn't about to fall asleep in his shower. He'd had to practically pinky swear to Wendy that he wouldn't try to remove the gauze over his chest wound. Honestly, he had no inclinations towards doing that anyway. Something deep inside just didn't want him to.
He held back a lewd comment for Wendy's sake after being informed that Lyon would have to be there while he showered, since the much stronger heart meds he was on right now made him a "falling hazard." Whatever. If Lyon could teach him how to piss on target, Gray supposed he could also supervise bath time. At least now that he was away from prying eyes, he could finally explore whatever happened to his body.
Such as these strange scars on his forearm. They felt like... tally marks?
"Five times..."
That sharp pain in his head again. What was that just now? There was something... but it's faded away already. Weird. Running his hand up his arm, he found another scar near his shoulder, this one adjacent to a large patch of skin that had that same slight numbness he'd noticed on his back. All along his upper back.
...he let out a primal scream that he couldn't hear, as once again, his senses and thoughts were overwhelmed with stimuli.
He had this sudden desire to turn the water colder, and for the life of him, he couldn't figure out why having water run down his back felt so... alleviating. The darkness certainly added to the atmosphere. With nothing to see, he could concentrate on just touch and sound. He leaned his hands against the wall, and just stood there under the spray, listening to the sound of the thrumming water, feeling every stream as they cascaded down his back. His mind started to wander. It felt safe here, enclosed within this cool, dark place. No distractions.
Nothing to see, only to feel
No distractions
From the pain
Someone turned off the water, wrapping a towel around his waste. He blinked, refocusing, coming awake. Not awake. He was already awake. He thought? Lowering his arms, he straightened, closing his eyes at the dizzy feeling that came over him.
"I've got you. Come on. You've been in here longer than usual. Let's get you dried off. Wendy wants to check you over before you're down for the night."
As Lyon helped him, he chose not to voice his concern. Gray looked too tired to deal with it anyway. But he wouldn't respond to his calls earlier. And the water had been freezing, as evidenced by the slight shiver that ran through his body once or twice.
Now dry and dressed in a pair of pajama pants, Lyon threw his favored black yukata over him as well, before they exited the bathroom. It wasn't just to keep him warm. Gray may not remember his hesitance to let others see his scars, but he did, and with Natsu here, he was looking out for his comfort as well. Everyone knew Natsu's feelings about the burns.
Instead of being led to his bedroom, which again, sent an odd sense of relief through his being, Lyon took him to the dining room, and sat him on a couch.
Sat him on a couch.
In his dining room.
'I'm too tired for this crap.'
He wasn't even gonna ask.
It was pretty comfortable, though.
"Gray-san, I'm gonna check your wound now, okay? Please let me know if I make you uneasy," Wendy said.
"I've never felt uneasy around you," he replied quickly, no doubt in his mind.
She smiled sadly, knowing how true his words were, but wishing he understood why.
Gray sat back and let her work. He just assumed he must have gotten slashed or something, and maybe it got infected. Or maybe it had something to do with his heart. Was it a surgical scar? No. He'd felt his chest. He couldn't miss that distinct scar right over his heart. That's another thing to wonder about. He's always taken good care of himself, and developing a heart condition had never even crossed his mind. Maybe he was exposed to a toxin or something.
He instinctively tensed and grabbed at the sheets he was sitting on, taking in a sharp gasp at an unexpected sensation.
"I'm sorry! Did I hurt you?"
He just shook his head no.
"Just felt weird."
"I was just pulling out the gauze. Some of the fibers got snagged. I'll warn you next time. Just try to relax. This won't take long."
...
Pulling the gauze out, not off.
'Just how deep was I cut?' he wondered.
They wouldn't even let him touch it, and with the complete lack of sensation there, he couldn't even guess at how it must look. If he asked, would they tell him? Maybe he could bribe Happy with some fish.
She finished up quickly, and offered him water with a number of pills. What was this, the third time today? He downed them and the water in one gulp, like he was used to doing it. He supposed he was. Finally allowed to lie down, he didn't care to ask about this odd sleeping arrangement. If this was his idea, who was he to argue with himself? Joy jumped onto his pillow, making herself at home next to his face, laying her head against his neck. He smiled at that.
'Again, thanks for the company,' was his last thought as he drifted off to sleep.
Wendy and Carla, staying to be available incase of any medical needs, made themselves comfortable in the recliner out in the living room, while Natsu and Happy plopped down on a pile of blankets on the floor by the dining room table, just close enough to be there, but not so close that Gray might trip over them in the night. They could all tell that the prospect of them being there all night had eased his anxiety.
In Lyon's opinion, Gray's taken his awakening into these many changes fairly well, all things considered. He began to wonder if maybe it would be better for him to not remember what happened. But he could tell some remnants still made themselves known. It was only a matter of time before Gray came back to himself. He hoped to see it happen sooner rather than later, or these irrational fears and unexplainable episodes would drive him over the edge.
They all settled down to sleep.
Only to wake up in panic hours later.
ooooo
Something was burning.
He could smell it, hear it, feel it's warmth. Why couldn't he see it? One was able to see a single burning match in the pitch blackness of night from miles away. Why couldn't he see the flames which caused his skin to blister?
He backed away, but the heat was everywhere.
It was stifling, wherever he was. It was hard to breathe. He tried to use his magic, found it gone.
He was burning.
His screams echoed in the darkness, engulfing and obscuring the sounds of the crackling fire and the hissing, sizzling, popping sounds of his skin searing away.
There was a scent of charred meat, death, decay.
Something cold took hold of him, covering his eyes with one hand, so the black that surrounded him was made somehow darker. A deep void. An infinite abyss.
Another hand reached around his throat, squeezing so he could no longer scream.
He was paralyzed. Trembling to an unknown, yet strangely familiar, fear. He couldn't break away, couldn't defend himself, couldn't plead for release.
Dry, course fingers ghosted over his skin, hovering over the uncovered wound on his chest, before savagely thrusting in, burrowing into his rib cage, the hand wrapping around his heart, and squeezing.
He tasted blood, and his knees gave out, but still, he couldn't move, like an invisible force held him upright. He choked on his scream, feeling the blood well up in his throat, passed his lips, down his chin.
"You belong to me, dear boy. Never forget who owns you; heart, body, mind and soul."
'Who...?'
He couldn't form the thought. As soon as he tried to wonder who these 'creatures' were, he felt a violent pull, the pain in his chest increasing many fold. He gasped.
"Heh, heh, heh. You held on so persistently to that bloody rag, like it was your life line," the person said, taking one of Gray's hands, his limp fingers falling open, "How long can you hold on to this one, dear boy," he said as he closed his fingers around something warm and wet.
It was pulsing.
ooooo
Gray fell off the couch, screaming his futile scream into the silent darkness, his yukata tangled in the sheets. He wrested his arms free from the confining material, and pulled himself away, scooting back until he found the wall, still screaming. He thought himself still in that dark inferno. A vision of the encounter with that evil presence was forefront in his mind.
'That thing ripped out my — !'
Was it still gone? All rationality left him as he reached for the wound over his guild mark, pulling off the gauze he found there, trying to find the path to his heart. The pain from the rough treatment startled him more awake. He was short of breath, and his heart, due to the increased beta blockers, was unable to pump fast enough to support the flow of oxygen he needed to stave off the dizziness. He tried to dig his hand into the path that wasn't there, and a new pain blossomed. He remembered burning, the smell and sound of his own flesh as it sizzled.
The scent of blood woke Natsu up, and he rolled to his feet instantly, Happy falling from his perch on top of his stomach. The sound of labored breathing drew him to Gray's position, and he called for Happy to get the lights as he crouched before the terrified mage.
"Gray! What happened? Your bleeding! Wendy! Lyon!"
Wendy was already awake, having heard Natsu yelling to Happy. She was quickly there, placing fresh gauze over his wound, only for Gray to pull away.
'He's here! He's still here!'
Always here
He stumbled to his feet, leaning heavily against the wall, and tried to get away. Wendy tried to stop him, but Natsu knew he was still trapped in whatever nightmare woke him, and might try to fight it off. He didn't want her getting hurt. She'd recover just fine. Gray never would.
He made it a few feet before he lost his footing, saved from a fall when Lyon caught him. He tried to fight him off, delivering a clumsy punch before Lyon restrained him in a tight hug. He lost his already precarious balance, falling to his knees, still struggling against whoever held him. He screamed as he fought, but Lyon held him in a firm but gentle embrace, revealing who he was, and assuring whatever he'd seen wasn't real.
It took a while, but he was finally convinced it was just a nightmare. Lyon still held him, as he was reluctant to be released now. Sobs wracked his body as he tried to calm down, Lyon rubbing the back of his head like one would a scared child. He was starkly reminded that this current Gray hadn't had countless nights of similar experiences to be desensitized to the affects of these visions.
And the slayers were heartbroken as they caught his anguished, desperate pleas.
"I don't want to. Please, I can't! Don't make me! Please, don't make me remember. Oh, God, I don't want to remember..."
I've been seriously considering changing my pen name to Purveyor_of_ Angst. Think I should?
Next chapter: This Gray is so different from the one before.
To Carla the Wizard, and anyone else wanting tips on writing:
First I want to say how much I enjoy your comments. And yes, Gray is my favorite character, though one may be justified to doubt that, considering all the pain I put him through.
Head canons? You've already seen a few. There's the sign language, and Gray's fondness for children (which I think has been confirmed by his reaction to meeting Greige) It makes sense, considering how he'd lost his childhood at such a young age. He'd be pretty sympathetic towards kids. I also think he's bilingual, coming from a different country. I also think he and Cana may have been intimate with each other, in a friends with benefits way. Again, with his lost of innocence as a child, he wouldn't have been completely inhibited. Natsu, on the other hand, is so innocently naive, that Lucy will have to take the reigns their first time.
As for writing, I just turned 40, and I only just started writing fan fiction last summer. I do write semi-professionally, and teach kids to write, but there's only so much I could put in an author's note. I do love to read, however, and after decades of seeing what others have to offer, I've developed my own style based on what I've found to be decent writing, and pure garbage. And all that lies between. My first suggestion would be to read good authors, and take what you can from their styles. Figure out what you like, mesh them all together, and try to make it your own.
Also look for things the you like plot-wise. If you find something lacking, fill that gap. That's what made me want to write this story. I got bored with the recent offerings in Gray-centric fics, and finally decided to share my own. I had one reviewer say how they'd never seen Gray put in such a situation before. That's the whole point. I haven't either. So I fixed that.
As for the actual process, always start with an outline. Dont be lazy with this. If it wouldn't spoil the rest of this story, I'd post an example from my own outline. As for planning your story out, one technique I swear by is to plan backwards. It's how we plan operations in the Army. Figure out your end goal, then what specifics have to happen to reach that, then what has to happen to reach those specifics, and so on, until you get to the beginning of the story. Use this for the overall story, then again for individual chapters.
For the actual story, don't sweat too much trying to please everyone. Everyone has their own preferences and styles, and we all understand everyone writes differently. We all just want to read a good story, so long as it's a good plot, and it's written in an understandable way. Reading a very well written story is definitely a bonus, but at least the other authors will understand if you're just starting off, and won't judge style over substance. You'll probably be your worst critic. But proficiency comes with experience. Just write. Write for yourself first and foremost.
For sentence structure, details are great. You want your readers to be immersed in the story. Don't just tell us what's happening. Show us. I didn't just tell you that Gray got flayed. I showed his fear and anticipation, and drew up to that moment, showing the results and reactions, if not the actual act.
You want your sentences to be interesting, while still informative. Your objective should be to add detail to them, and to vary the sentence structure. For detail, take the following example:
The old man was mad.
Okay, great. We know some dude is old, and what his emotion is. Now add the detail:
The homeless old man called the bridge his home, so when he woke up and found his bridge gone, he was so mad he couldn't speak.
As for sentence structure. Most beginner writers do what they were taught in elementary school: The subject is immediately followed by the verb. This is fairly boring to read. You want your readers to know what's going on, but you want them to enjoy the process of discovering it as well. Read these sentences aloud and listen to how they sound:
Bill saw the old man standing in the stream. He asked him why he was standing there. The old man said he was looking for his bridge. Bill thought this was strange. He asked the old man, "How did you lose your bridge?"
The old man answered, "When I went to sleep, it was over me, and when I woke up it was gone."
Pretty straight forward, right? You know what's going on, but that's about it. Now read the rewrite:
When he looked toward the stream, Bill saw the old man standing in the water. He asked him why he was standing there. The old man, looking up and down the stream, said that he was looking for his bridge. Bill thought this was strange. "How did you lose your bridge?" he asked.
"When I went to sleep," the old man answered, "it was over me, and when I woke up, it was gone."
See how the flow changes, how I switch the subjects, objects, and verbs around? The language isn't so stilted and boring this way.
That's all just a crash course. I really would encourage you to create an account, so you can PM me. It's a lot easier to get up with me than relying on sporadic author's notes. Anyway, enjoy, and Happy Writing!
