Reckless Surrender :: Chapter Thirty Three
Bo found Hope in a silk nightgown lighting candles in the newly finished master bedroom. Surprise masked his face as he looked around the room. He didn't recognize anything in it but her.
"Wow," Bo whistled, "This is… wow."
"I'm done plotting." Hope said proudly. She halted her task with the candles and quietly surveyed her work. It was calming. She felt safe inside the four walls that surrounded her.
"I like it," Bo nodded, "Maybe you should plot more often."
Hope sat on the bed, drawing her legs up to her chest, "You're home late."
"Yeah," Bo sighed, "Abe is getting agitated about the case again. Is Ciara already asleep?"
Hope nodded, "She wanted to wait up, but I wouldn't let her. Her teachers would hate me tomorrow."
Bo sat next to her, and greeted her with a proper kiss, "How was your day?"
Hope shrugged, "Just another argument with Marlena."
"Still not cleared, huh," Bo frowned.
"Nope," Hope fell back on the bed, "Maybe I should just be a housewife."
Bo's ears perked up, "Don't you need to be somebody's wife first?"
Hope almost blushed and bit her lip, "Stay at home mom?"
Bo shook his head, "I like the first one better."
She watched him lay on his side next to her and reach for her left hand.
"What are you thinking?" Bo asked.
"That I don't know if we're ready for that." Hope confessed.
"If that's how you feel, we can wait." Bo replied. He kissed her hand.
"Why are you being so patient with me?" Hope asked, "You're so stubborn, sometimes pigheaded, and impatient with other people. You clearly disagree with me. Why are you just trying to please me?"
Bo almost laughed, "Why thank you. I do delight myself in the occasional pigheaded episode. Do you want me to not please you?"
"No," Hope shook her head, "I just wish you'd be honest with me and tell me what you want. I'm not the only one in the relationship here. Quit trying to protect me and my feelings just because I'm mentally unstable according to my shrink."
"I don't think you're mentally unstable." Bo shook his head, "I love you. I sort of love you a lot, in case you didn't know. I've waited for you for four years, I can wait a little longer. Being patient with you is easy when it involves getting us back on track."
"You weren't patient with me before." Hope whispered softly.
Bo touched her cheek and traced the outline of her lips with his thumb, "I know. I think I learned my lesson. Now I know what it's like to lose you."
Hope turned on her side so that they were facing each other. She pressed her forehead to his, "I'm so scared to love you again, but every time I look at you I realize I never really stopped."
Bo kissed her softly, "I love you. When I look at you, I already see my wife. I'd marry you every day for the rest of my life if I could. You're the only one for me. I would never give my last name to anyone else. So, if you need time to decide when you're ready to wear my ring that's okay…I'm just happy to have you home."
Hope didn't fight the happy tears that seeped slowly onto her cheeks. She kissed him almost delicately, afraid to ruin the tender moment. She was beyond grateful for their second chance and just as happy she was home as he was.
Bo rolled over her, unwilling to contain his love for her. He tenderly kissed her forehead and her cheeks. She absorbed every second of it blissfully.
"I think I forgot to tell you how beautiful you look tonight," Bo smiled as he looked her up and down, "Coming home to this, never gets old."
Hope smiled and pulled at the straps of her nightgown, "This old thing?"
Bo chuckled and kissed her again. Having her back in their bedroom made his heart soar. One of his hands roamed slowly up her thigh and landed on lacy material. Delight filled him. His ears perked up at the sound of the softest moan escaping her lips.
"Bo…" Hope spoke quietly into his lips, but the sound didn't reach his ears. He hungrily kissed her, eager to rid her flushed skin of the silk and lace that covered it. "Bo…" Hope gasped and pushed gently on his chest.
Bo pulled away, his eyes hooded with desire but concern suddenly filled them, "What? Do you want to stop?"
Hope bit her lip to hide a shy smile, "Of course not."
Relief washed over him, "Is something wrong?"
Hope played with the buttons on his shirt as she gathered her thoughts. She couldn't think of the right words to say so she got straight to the point, "Thank you."
Bo watched her eyes slowly travel up to meet his, "For what?"
Hope's toes curled. He was still propped up on top of her, pinning her to the bed. She didn't want to move. Feeling the way she felt in that moment made her feel like she belonged.
"FancyFace?" Bo prodded and caressed her cheek.
Hope sighed, "For being patient with me. For helping me be strong. For making me feel safe."
Bo placed a finger over her lips to silence her, "I don't want to be anywhere else."
"What happens when you're done rescuing me?" Hope asked quietly, and then silently cursed herself for letting her insecurities ruin the moment. She couldn't decide where the thought came from or why she let it go flying out of her mouth. Her heart raced in anticipation.
Bo frowned, "What do you mean?"
Hope closed her eyes, preparing for a fight. She wished she could take it back.
"Hope, I'm not rescuing you from anything." Bo defended and sat up. Confusion overwhelmed him. His body ached at the complete turn around the night was taking them in.
Hope followed, pulling her knees back to her chest, "Yes you are. I'm in trouble. You always have to save people Bo. You save Billie every time. You rescued Carly until she didn't need it anymore. And then there's me. Poor little Hope… You're saving me Bo. What happens when you're done and I don't need you anymore?"
Bo swallowed slowly. He couldn't decide if he was hurt or angry. Her words burned him, but he could hear the truth in her words ringing in his ears.
Hope's heart flooded with guilt, "Bo, I'm sorry. I just…"
Bo watched her stand and walk away from the bed, "No. No. You're not leaving this room. Let's talk about it."
Hope's eyebrows furrowed. This was new behavior for him. She wasn't sure she was ready to confront this insecurity that burrowed deep inside of her.
"Hope, I'm not saving you from anything. I wanted you back before anything bad ever happened to you." Bo stated evenly. He was breathing hard. He couldn't decide if it was out of frustration, fear, or hurt.
Hope's eyes filled with tears, "Then why do you leave me to save other women?"
Bo ran his hands through his hair, "Because. You make me so mad Hope. You're the only woman who can get under my skin. You frustrate the hell out of me."
"So it's my fault?" Hope's voice cracked as the tears sprang loose.
"No!" Bo growled, no longer in control of his emotion, "Dammit Hope."
"Then why are we doing any of this?" Hope questioned, "It will end the same way."
"No," Bo argued, "You didn't let me finish. Stop."
Hope was putting distance between them to protect herself, but Bo wouldn't allow it.
"You can't just throw something like this out there and try to leave. You promised we were going to do this differently. That means staying here. Talking it out." Bo grabbed her forearm and spun her around, "I love you. I'm not going anywhere. Before, it was easier to lose myself in saving someone else than trying to deal with how crazy you make me Hope. You hurt me. I'm not proud of it, but I wanted to hurt you back."
Hope's heart sank. She knew he was right. She was being reckless again. Why she'd just ruined their night with this discussion she'd never know. She stared at the arm that he still gripped, "I'm sorry."
"You act like I'm always in control of our relationship Hope," Bo shook his head. His voice shook, "You're wrong. You're in control. You always have been." He swallowed the thick emotion that clung to his throat, "You're not the only one who is scared here. I break your heart. You break mine. I'm terrified you'll realize I'm not good enough for you. I'm terrified you'll stop wanting me. It's easier to settle for second best and a warm bed when things go bad between us."
Hope wiped at her tears with her free hand, "Brady…. I don't know what to say."
"I don't want to do this anymore…" Bo confessed, "We can't let the past haunt us like this."
"I'm sorry," Hope whispered.
Bo dropped her arm and lunged for her face. He pushed her backward until she ran into the wall. She enjoyed slamming into it. The passion that ignited between them sent their hands and lips into a frenzy. Hope rid herself of her underwear and Bo lost his pants in less than a minute. He picked her up, entering her forcefully as he pinned her back to the wall.
He thrust into her erratically, before pausing and staring at her with a face full of emotion, "Do you want me to stop?"
Hope shook her head, unable to speak.
He lifted her, and spun her around to lay her gently on the bed. She caressed his face as he stared at her.
"Just for the record, I will never stop needing you." Hope whispered softly, "I don't want to be in control."
"Neither do I," Bo shook his head, "I'm in this FancyFace. Forever."
"Me too." Hope nodded and welcomed the soft kiss that Bo offered.
They resumed their love making in a sensual fashion, abandoning their rough encounter. Emotions were running high, but the anger and hurt were fading. There was nothing but love in the room as they made yet another step towards reckless surrender and healing.
