Chapter 3 - Back to December

Because the last time you saw me

Is still burned in the back of your mind

Hopper glides down the hall with one hand planted firmly on Chrissy's lower back, the other wrapped around his science book. With her blonde hair cascaded over her shoulder, he has a clear view of her face as she mouths hello to one of her classmates. One of her favourite things to do, he'd noticed, was parade down the hall on his arm before class.

How he managed to date one of the most popular seniors at Hawkins High, he'll never understand. She was known by just about everyone, a cheerleader and could have any boy in the senior class yet for some reason she was interested in him. He really thought she was toying with him and using him to have some fun (not that he was complaining) and was pleasantly surprised when she agreed to go to prom with him. He thought she would turn him down, after all, it was junior prom and she was a senior, but she enthusiastically agreed to go.

After asking her to prom, while his confidence levels were still running high, he asked her what they were and she replied with a sly smile and asked what he wanted them to be. He told her he wanted to be able to call her his girlfriend, and they'd been inseparable ever since.

The entire situation felt like a dream. He was dating one of the most popular girls in school; he bought his first corsage and his parents snapped photos of them going to prom, he'd gone further than first base. It was all so perfect. His friends were constantly reminding him of how lucky he was. They slapped his back after practice and whistled as they begged for details and it made Hopper feel important. He was already considered "popular" amongst his classmates before dating a senior, and now that he and Chrissy were together it seemed like every guy in the junior class wanted to befriend him.

Chrissy wasn't the type of girl Hopper imagined would be his first girlfriend, but she was nice, it was easy to talk to her and she made him feel like maybe he could be someone outside of Hawkins. She was constantly talking about her plans to move to the big city after graduation and he was beginning to believe that maybe the world had more to offer than the mundane average life that was being offered by Hawkins, Indiana. Nothing ever happened in Hawkins and being with Chrissy made him feel like he wasn't confined to the subpar life his parents sold themselves to in this town.

Of course, Hopper had had flings before Chrissy, but never a serious girlfriend. He was quickly learning that it was much harder to balance a relationship with his usual life than it was a fling. He spent nearly every day with Chrissy after practice and he was beginning to miss spending time with his friends.

As if on cue with his internal monologue, he spots Joyce at her locker and his chest tightens. She's turned away from him and towards the inside of the locker, but he knows she wouldn't meet his eye if she was facing the other way. He's not exactly sure why, but Joyce is upset with him. At first, he suspected it was because he'd been spending more time with Chrissy, but she'd been actively avoiding him since the day in the diner when he told her asked Chrissy to prom and he was beginning to think there was more to it. It was no secret that Joyce disliked his girlfriend, and while she never acted this way with his past flings, he knew that was because they were nothing like the blonde currently holding his hand.

Chrissy represented everything Joyce resented. She was tall, blonde and had everything handed to her by her rich father. Growing up, Joyce was always very vocal about her hatred of spoiled kids who didn't understand the value of hardwork and money, so Hopper understood why she hated Chrissy.

What he couldn't understand was why she was still so upset with him. Aside from that first day where he blew her off to take Chrissy on their first date, and the follow-up lie he told, he'd barely seen her so he certainly couldn't have said something to make her upset. The entire situation didn't sit right with him and he finds he's having a hard time swallowing as he stares at her from across the hall.

Chrissy squeezes his hand and smiles up at him, noticing he's frowning, "everything alright?"

"Yup."

"You're staring at her, you know."

Hopper is caught off guard. He didn't realize his stare was so obvious and forces himself to look down. "Sorry," he mutters.

"We talked about this Jim," she sighs. "Do we need to relive that conversation?"

"There's nothing to even talk about," he shrugs her hand off his arm. "I should get to class."

"You don't want to walk me to class?" she asks, batting her eyelashes up at him.

"Can't be late. Tomorrow," he huffs. He storms off in the direction of his class before she has a chance to protest. He awkwardly catches Joyce's eye as he walks away and swallows hard. He missed her. He missed pulling up outside her house after nightfall and driving around the town together, talking about everything and anything. He wishes he had someone to talk about their feud with, but she's the only person in his life he can go to with a problem like this and he couldn't exactly ask her why they weren't speaking when he assumed he was supposed to know why.

Lately, she consumed his nightly thoughts. Memories of them from throughout the years, their last conversation at the diner, before things spiralled out of control and he lost her. The way she smiled while dancing with Lonnie Byers at prom.

Fucking Lonnie Byers. It was all he saw when he closed his eyes, the image burned in the back of his mind. Every time he tried to figure out what went wrong and why she wasn't speaking to him, that's where he ended up. A vision of her and Lonnie standing fifty feet away from him beneath semi-deflated mylar balloons in the school gym.

He knows he shouldn't be so fixated on it; it was irrelevant, but for some reason, night after night he found himself back in that gym, watching as a sinking feeling ate away at his gut.

Chrissy was so angry with him when she returned and found him staring at Joyce at the dance. She demanded he admit he didn't have feelings for his best friend, a question which prompted a deep laugh from him. He reassured her that he had never nor would he ever have romantic feelings for Joyce but she didn't believe him. They ended up stepping out of the gym and into the hall, where their argument ended with Chrissy telling Hopper that if he wanted her to be his girlfriend, he would have to spend less time with Joyce.

In the moment, he panicked and agreed so that she wouldn't walk away but now he was regretting it. He missed Joyce terribly. If they were talking right now, he would tease her about the sneakers she wore to the dance and about how she actually attended a school function. She would laugh and tell him she only did it because she wanted to see if all the fuss was worth it; it wasn't. But Joyce wasn't speaking to him and he wasn't sure why. Though even if she was, Chrissy would be upset if he spent any time with her. He's tempted to apologize but he isn't sure what he'd be apologizing for and he doesn't like the idea of a vague apology when Joyce matters so much to him. He reaches first period an absolute mess but he's certain of one thing, he misses Joyce.

.

.

After school, Hopper is warming up for practice with Benny, tossing a ball back and forth when the cheerleaders appear on the track.

Chrissy looks over and blows Hopper a kiss and he forces a smile. Benny notices Hopper's hesitation and stalls before passing the ball back to Hopper. "You alright man? You seem… distracted."

"Yeah. Just didn't sleep well last night." It wasn't a lie.

Benny was Hopper's only friend that didn't seem to put his relationship with Chrissy on a pedestal and he briefly considers admitting that Chrissy was upset because he was paying attention to Joyce at prom, but decides against it, fearing it will give Benny the wrong idea about him and Joyce. There's no reason for Benny to think he and Joyce are anything more than friends, but there was no reason for Chrissy to think so either, yet she did.

"You sure? Because your girl is trying to get your attention and you're not even looking in her direction."

Hopper looks over to the track and spots Chrissy bending over to touch her toes, her eyes glued on him.

"She's upset with me," he admits.

"She doesn't look upset to me," Benny smirks. "What happened?"

"She got mad at me at the prom…"

"Go on," Benny says.

"I guess I was paying too much attention to Joyce and she asked if there was something going on between us."

"What did you tell her?"

"What do you think I told her? No."

"So, what's the problem?"

"She wants me to spend less time with Joyce."

"Is that why you haven't been hanging around with Joyce as much?"

"Not exactly," Hopper admits. They continue to toss the ball between them as they talk, the force Hopper is using to throw increases as he unwinds. "Joyce is mad at me."

"Man, you're having some serious woman problems," Benny chuckles, "why is she mad at you?"

"I have no idea," Hopper sighs, "but she's avoiding me."

"Let me see if I understand this correctly. Chrissy is mad at you because you've been paying too much attention to Joyce, and Joyce is mad at you because you started dating Chrissy?"

"We don't know that Joyce even cares that I'm dating Chrissy," Hopper argues.

"C'mon man, you're a smart guy."

Dismissing Benny, Hopper shakes his head and drops the ball in almost the same moment that the coach blows the whistle, indicating the start of practice. He loses himself in the drills, running until he's winded and gasping for air. While he dodges the cones in a running drill, he tells himself that he'll apologize to Chrissy after practice. They're a great couple and he was willing to do what it took to get things to work. When the team takes a water break, he waves over to Chrissy, who blows him a kiss in return. The cheerleader and the jock, a picture perfect pair.

They line up for a new drill and Hopper finds himself on the sidelines next to another junior named Ethan. He'd known Ethan since grade school and they shared a group of mutual friends but they'd never had more than a handful of conversations.

"Hey man," Ethan says.

"Hey."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," Hopper replies while watching the drill.

"You're still friends with Joyce Horowitz, right?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Do you know if she's seeing anyone? I saw her at prom and she was looking fine."

Hopper grinds his teeth down and tenses his jaw before replying hastily. "Not that I know of."

"Think you can put in a good word for me?"

"Doubtful," he mutters beneath his breath.

Hopper takes the field and claims his place next to Benny and rolls his shoulders back. "What did you mean when you said I'm a smart guy?"

"You want to have this conversation now?"

"Explain."

"You're really surprised that Joyce is avoiding you? I know you're new to this whole dating thing but allow me to share some wisdom with you. You can't hang around with a girl who's in love with you when you're dating someone else."

"I- Joyce is not in love with me."

"Isn't she?" Benny smirks. He takes off running down the field, leaving Hopper staring after him with an open jaw. The realization hits him with impressive force, leaving him more winded than the previous drill; was Benny right, did Joyce have feelings for him? Suddenly, all the pieces of the puzzle snap into place and it makes complete sense. Joyce was acting weird around him and Chrissy because she had feelings for him. She wasn't avoiding him because she was angry with him, she was avoiding him because she was jealous.

Instinctually, he catches the ball that is lobbed in his direction but he doesn't run.

Joyce was jealous because she had feelings for him.

Whump. He's on the ground with the teammate that tackled him standing over him. He lays there for a moment before shaking off the tackle and climbing to his feet.

He goes so hard for the rest of the practice that he's nauseous afterwards.

After showering and changing back into his jeans and flannel, he makes his way to his car with his gym bag thrown over his shoulder. Chrissy is waiting for him, leaning on the trunk of his car, still in her workout wear.

"Hey," he says, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "Listen, I'm sorry about this morning. It won't happen again."

"You looked good at practice," she smirks.

"You think?" he grins. He steps towards her and traps her body between his and the car, hands idling on the trunk on either side of her hips. She leans up and kisses him, tongue immediately slipping into his mouth. He brings his hands up to cup her face and convinces himself that his desire to ravish Chrissy is rooted in passion and not distraction.

They fool around in the back seat of his car before Hopper drives her home and returns to his own house in time for dinner.

.

.

Back at his house, Hopper prepares a ham sandwich for himself and sits down with his mother at the kitchen table. His mom was a stay-at-home mom, which meant she was usually around when Hopper returned home from practice. They went through the same routine every day. Hopper would stumble into the kitchen, muttering about how hungry he was and his mother would warn him not to spoil his appetite before dinner. It always ended with the two of them seated at the table, Hopper holding a sandwich, while she asked about his day.

He notices she's much quieter than usual today and speaks up first. "Everything alright mom?"

"Oh everything's fine. Just a restless evening, I was waiting for your father to get home."

Hopper's father was the town's chief of police and one of the things he admired most about his parents marriage was the fact that his mother refused to retire to bed until his father was home safe after a long day on the job. Being that they lived in Hawkins, nothing too eventful ever happened to put his father in danger or keep him out too late, regardless his mother waited for his return each night.

"How was practice?" she asks.

"It was fine," he says between bites.

"Do you have any plans tonight?" she questions.

"There's a party out near the lake but I haven't decided if I want to go."

"You should go, maybe bring Joyce?"

"Joyce?" Hopper perks up at the sound of her name.

"Yeah," his mother smiles, "I haven't seen her around much lately. Is everything alright between you two? Normally we don't go a few days without seeing her here."

"Everything's fine," he lies. "She's just been really busy with school stuff."

He can tell she's considering pressing him and is grateful when she drops in and moves on to asking how school was. After his revelation at practice today, he's not sure he can handle his mom asking if Joyce hadn't come around as much because of Chrissy.

His parents both liked Chrissy. They'd met her a handful of times in passing and got to know her better while they posed for prom photos. Each time the exchange was pleasant. His father even mentioned one night over dinner that he thought she and Hopper made a perfect couple; his mom remained silent but she didn't object. Once his mother excuses herself to begin preparing supper, Hopper leans back against his chair and closes his eyes.

His mom was right. There hadn't been a time over the past five years that Joyce wasn't consistently spending time at his house, and he realizes that by getting caught up in his own relationship drama (and as of this afternoon dealing with the idea of Joyce potentially having feelings for him) he'd completely neglected his friendship with Joyce.

He had been so preoccupied trying to keep Chrissy happy that he failed to realize he'd abandoned Joyce. Maybe this was why she was upset with him? Perhaps Benny was way off base and she wasn't interested in him, she was just pissed at him for promising her he would always be there and then failing to actually be there. Or maybe, he lets himself think, it was a combination of both.

It would make sense. She was angry at him for standing her up in the library because they had plans as friends, but she was also upset when he told her he was taking Chrissy to prom. He begins to make sense of it all and decides that he needs to apologize for prioritizing his relationship over their friendship.

Feelings or no feelings, Hopper knew he screwed up as Joyce's friend. He can feel a headache coming on and fetches himself a glass of water while thinking back on a night years prior, when he promised Joyce he would always be there for her.

They were sitting on his porch, watching as the rain filled the puddles on his driveway. Her face was buried in his shoulder and he was trying to calm her while she cried. It was the first time she'd ever opened up to him about her home life and he was trying to be as available and supportive as he knew how to be.

He'd never seen anyone cry like this before, and out of instinct, he pulled her into him and began to stroke her back the way his mother used to when he was sick or upset. When she finally stopped crying, he looked down into her big brown eyes and made a promise to himself, and to her.

"Don't worry Joyce. No matter what it's going to be okay because you'll always have me."

"I will?"

"I promise," he said and he meant it. "Always."

God, he was an idiot. She had every right to be angry with him for up and leaving the moment someone showed romantic interest in him. Friends don't do that.

There was nothing he could do about what Benny suggested, but he could attempt to mend fences and fix their friendship by apologizing. He spends the next hour going over all the things he wants to say until he has a well rehearsed speech, explaining that he's sorry for not putting her first and for failing to consider her feelings and that he wouldn't let his relationship affect their friendship going forward.

.

.

That night, Hopper drags himself out to a party being hosted by one of his classmates near the lake. Chrissy was busy having a girls night with some of her friends on the cheerleading squad, and Benny was working, but Hopper decided he needed a night out to distract himself from everything he'd recently discovered. Dressed in a casual maroon t-shirt and a pair of dark jeans, he arrives at the lake party when it's already in full swing. Classmates are gathered around picnic tables and trees, sharing beers and cigarettes greet him as he works his way through the crowd towards a cooler full of beers. He snags one and pops the cap off with his teeth and takes a swig while he surveys the party. He spots a few of his teammates and approaches them with an enthusiastic pat on the back.

"Hey man, where's Chrissy tonight?"

"She had a cheerleading thing," he explains.

"A senior and a cheerleader, god you two really are something, huh," one of them hollers.

'What can I say? I'm a lucky guy," he boasts.

"Hell yeah you are. To Hopper," the other friend toasts. The three men raise their bottles and chug.

Hopper goes to retrieve another drink, stumbling through the dark field when he spots her. Joyce and her friend Josie standing next to the cooler. She's dressed in a pair of faded jeans and her typical leather jacket, but unlike her usual no make-up look, her lips are painted the same shade of red that they were at prom.

This was the last place he expected to run into Joyce, but he also hadn't expected to see her at prom; maybe he didn't know her as well as he thought.

"Joyce?"

"Hey Hop," she smiles, "You remember Josie, right?"

"Sure. Hey," he says to Josie.

Josie looks between Joyce and Hopper and mumbles something about getting something from the car. She scampers off in the direction of the parking lot, leaving them alone.

"I didn't expect to see you here," he says awkwardly.

"Yeah well, surprise," she sighs, flapping her arms at her sides.

"You look nice. I like the red."

"Thanks," she replies. She looks down and kicks at the dirt.

"You went to prom," he states.

"I did."

"You looked nice. I'm sorry I didn't have a chance to tell you that night."

"Yeah, well… you were busy."

"Joyce," he sighs. He looks down at her, hoping to silently convey that he misses her but she refuses to meet his gaze. "I'm trying to compliment you."

He wishes he could go back to that night at the diner when he told her he was taking Chrissy to prom and what - take it back? Ask her what she thought about him taking Chrissy? Be more considerate now that he knew she may have feelings for him.

He wants to do more than that. He wants to tell her that he's sorry he let his relationship impact their friendship and that he misses her and wants things to go back to the way they were. But the words fall silent before they roll off his tongue and he says nothing.

"Are you here alone?" she asks, changing the subject.

"I am."

He swears he sees a glimmer of hope flash across her face, but it could be a trick of the light and wishful thinking on his part.

"I should go and find Josie but it was good to see you Hop," she forces a smile and reaches to squeeze his arm as she brushes past him. The contact sends a jolt of electricity pulsing through him and he turns to watch her walk away.

I'm sorry, he thinks to himself. I miss you. Us.

.

.

Hopper considers leaving the party, but instead chooses to drown his sorrows in cheap beer while he chain smokes a pack of cigarettes near the alcove across from the parking lot. He watches Joyce mingle with some kids from their class, Josie always at her side and he shakes his head. A month ago, she never would have come to a party like this with him. She would have told him that she couldn't risk sneaking out that night or that she had no interest in getting to know their classmates. Tonight, he watches as she laughs at a story told by Eli, the other student he knew she often ate lunch with and he wondered what changed. Maybe she didn't need him as much as she used to and the strain he put on their friendship was all she needed to discover that she was better off without him. The thought shakes him to his core and he inhales sharply to numb the feeling.

He loved Joyce's smile; when her lips curled upwards and her dimples made an appearance. She so rarely smiled in a genuine way, but each time she did he was reminded of how wonderful her smile was and it made him want to do anything in his power to make her happy. Watching as she laughs, hands folded over her chest, one hip popped out, it dawns on him that she is breathtakingly beautiful. Some girls were pretty in an obvious way, but there was something so mysterious about Joyce and her porcelain skin and dark features that reminded him of the kind of art you would find in a museum; the type of unobvious beauty that people paid money to observe because something about it made them both envious and curious.

He watches as she reaches into her pocket and fishes out a cigarette and sighs. He had an apology ready, but standing there, seeing her face, he completely froze and forgot what he wanted to say. He knows he needs to try again, she deserves that much, but he's afraid that his words won't be enough and that he may have lost one of his greatest friends.

He's fiddling with his lighter when someone comes up from behind him and leans on the tree next to him. He recognizes Karen Wheeler, a friend of Chrissy's, and smiles at her when she greets him.

"You looked awfully lonely over here," she purrs, stepping towards him. She stops a few inches from his chest and smirks, "where's Chrissy tonight?"

"She couldn't make it," he says. He has half the mind to step back but the tree he's leaning against prevents him from moving and instead he shuffles his feet awkwardly.

"What a shame," Karen beams. She leans towards Hopper and let's her palm settle flat on his chest. He can smell the alcohol on her breath and lurches forward and out of her grasp.

"Oh c'mon. I won't tell Chrissy," she slurs, attempting to move towards him again.

"Get some water Karen," he calls out while he storms off in the opposite direction.

.

.

Hopper stumbles out of the forested area after one too many beers and towards the group Joyce is standing with. When he manages to catch her eye, he shrugs and calls her away from the group. She slips away and approaches him.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" he asks before she has a chance to address him. She nods and follows him down towards the parking lot where they settle next to his car.

He goes over the apology he rehearsed in the mirror before he left, but one look into her big brown eyes and his memory is wiped clean. Instead of addressing the obvious awkwardness, he asks her how she likes the party.

"It's alright," she replies, sounding bored.

She waits for him to speak again but when he doesn't she impatiently taps her foot and rolls her eyes up at him. "Did you have something you wanted to talk to me about, or?"

Her voice is dripping with sarcasm and unamusement, which only makes Hopper more nervous as he once again attempts to spit out his apology.

"Look Joyce..." He drags his hand through his hair and breathes out. He wishes he had another cigarette. "I've realized that… you know … lately I've been a really shitty friend and I-"

Joyce raises a palm to stop him from continuing and chuckles softly. "Save it, Hop," she rolls her eyes. "You've made it pretty obvious that there are other things that are more important to you than our friendship. Spare me the pity speech and let's both just move on with life."

Joyce turns on her heel and rejoins her group of friends a few feet away. She doesn't even bother to look back at Hopper, she knows her words had the desired effect on him. To really make her point clear, she places her hand on Lonnie Byers arm and leans towards him while he speaks just to see if it will make Hopper jealous. She finally dares to glance back to him and sure enough, finds him glaring the way he was at prom. Good, she thinks to herself, stare.

Standing alone in front of his parked car, he pinches his eyes shut and runs hands over his face. She was so fucking stubborn and infurating. Just downright frustrating. But why, instead of being furious with her, was he wondering what it would be like to give in to the urge that told him grab her by the waist, place her on the hood of his car and shove his tongue down her throat.

He shoves his keys into his pocket, taps the hood of his car and begins his long drunken walk back home.

Then I think about summer, all the beautiful times

I watched you laughin' from the passenger's side