January 3rd 2017 10:29
Regina
After everything that has gone on with us in the last few months, hell, the last few years, I have no idea why I feel the need to apologise to you. But I was raised in a way that taught me, even when I haven't done anything wrong, I might as well apologise. Either that or risk you… well what, doing what you've already been doing? My point is, I only came around to give Henry some books I'd left at mine. He needed them for homework. I do know that I shouldn't have started yelling at you, especially in your own home but I figured that I've been struggling to keep my emotions in check lately and earlier was just another example of that. I'm trying to get it sorted though, it won't happen again.
I think that writing in this diary does help me keep check of my emotions though sometimes. I know we are only a few days in but writing to you yesterday allowed me to calm down before I actually tried to contact you. But, even if it does help, I'm not sure how long I can or will keep this going. I just think it's a little… weird that I seek out a random notebook to write my feelings in. Doctor Hopper said it should help. I guess we'll see.
There is so much I want to tell you, stuff that I have been holding back for months. Maybe even years. For a while you were the only one I could talk too, especially after Neverland. More so than Mary Margaret, or Ruby, or even Archie. I have those guys to talk to now. But I don't have you. That doesn't explain why I feel so alone.
I was thinking that we should maybe work on that, like maybe the three of us should go out for dinner next week. That new Italian place? Nothing beats your lasagne but it would be nice to spend time with the two of you. I n a nice neutral, public setting… I know that it's your week to have Henry but I will be spending the first week of the New Year alone and…
You know what. I'm gonna call you. Please pick up.
January 3rd 2017 10:42
I don't even know why I bother. I knew you'd ignore my call. It's just like you, isn't it? Well maybe it's time for me to give you a taste of your own medicine. When Henry comes over next week, maybe I will ignore you when you try and call. It's obvious really. You never trusted me with our son did you? I try my best you know. I knew that you were the best person who could have raised Henry, and I told you that on multiple occasions. But don't you think I have shown you that I am also a capable mother in the last 5 years? Haven't I proven my worth whenever the town is in danger or when Henry needed help? I KNOW without asking that I have done enough to prove myself as a friend. Who always stuck up for the Evil Queen when the rest of Storybrooke was against her? Exactly. Me. The person who's life she ruined because she couldn't forgive the well-meaning mistake of a ten year old.
January 3rd 2017 12:18
I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. Me of all people knows how much you have changed. I know you're no longer the person you once were, just like I am not who I was. I think that is what made us such good friends.
Answer me this. I never cry, so why am I crying over you again?
I told you that the diary was a way for me to get my feelings out, and I have no intention of really showing you this, ever and so at least me yelling at you in writing means I can get my feelings out without hurting yours. Maybe for that reason it's worth it.
I just want to tell you that I miss you. Your friendship. The friends we used to be.
