After three years, Akatsuki had so far collected the nibi, yonbi, gobi, rokubi, and nanabi.
They were currently prisoners since they still needed all ten members to drain the bijuu out of them. However, it was only a matter of time now for Severus to return from his training.
They could wait a little longer, since Severus had left behind some decent chakra sealing tags for Nagato to use. The moons eye plan was not going to happen anymore, but Nagato's plans for using the ten tails to bring the entire shinobi nations under one banner against him for peace was still going to happen.
Obito was reading a sweet little child romance book. He'd tried reading Severus' novels but he just didn't like them. The romance was sweet and cute but there was still too much sex for him to enjoy it properly. Obito preferred the romance books made for civilian teens, pg rated and all.
"Tobi, your foot is almost kicking my face hm." Deidara grumbled.
"My legs are numb." Itachi added.
The three of them were on the couch in the living area of the Ame tower. Obito was lying across their laps, and kicking his feet happily as he giggled about his book.
Kisame and Sasori were sitting at the table, for who knows what reasons. Sasori didn't even need to eat so there was no real reason for him to be there. Kisame was eating, but he was almost always eating now after Konan had started cooking delicious home cooked meals for everyone.
"Oops, Sorry Dei-chan!" Obito apologized as he crossed his legs to keep them from kicking his friend.
"My legs are still numb." Itachi repeated dully.
Obito pouted behind his mask. "I'm not gonna move Ita-chan. You're both so comfy!"
"Then adjust your elbows, they do not need to be digging into my thigh."
"Mou~" Obito whined as he moved his elbows. He wouldn't be as comfy, but he didn't want to hurt Itachi. He'd just gone through an intense healing session with Severus' clone last week so he needed to be gentle with the boy.
Obito decided to roll over onto his back and lifted his book above him to read better.
"Get a room." Kisame grumbled through bites of his meal.
"Shut up Kisame hm! We're not like that hm!" Deidara defended hotly as he threw a clay spider at him. Kisame's sword sucked out the chakra of the spider, turning it into a little figurine instead of the bomb it originally was.
He lifted the spider and pocketed it with a shrug. "Thanks, never got a gift before."
"Hey! Give that back hm! It's not supposed to be kept!" Deidara barked, but he didn't move from his spot underneath Obito's legs.
"Hmm..no." Kisame grinned, enjoying the angry expression in Deidara's face. The boy was quick to rile up, and everyone liked to tease the baby of the Akatsuki.
Deidara huffed and crossed his arms, sinking further into the couch.
Just then Obito felt a disturbance in his Kamui dimension and frowned underneath his mask. Every once in a while he'd feel disturbances and just find that the two had gotten stronger or something inside their little seal.
Though there had been that one time where his eyes had suddenly begun bleeding and he ended up discovering he'd randomly woken the rinnegan in both eyes.
Something the two of them had unwittingly done, which only caused for Obito to be deeper in debt to Severus dammit. He could now summon the shinigami to revive people if he so desired, but he knew damn well he couldn't.
Not when Severus was currently being targeted by him.
He still needed to wait for Severus to come out and revive her with whatever seal methods he had.
Obito put his book into his leg pouch and looked at a Itachi for a moment. Itachi noticed his gaze and looked back with a small smile lifting his lips.
"Tobi-Nii. Did you finish your book?" Itachi asked warmly.
"Get a room." Kisame snorted once more. "The three of you can look at each other all lovingly somewhere else you know? I'm eating here."
"Bastard hm." Deidara spat before he placed his hands on Obito's leg curiously. "What was that anyway hm? I felt a disturbance in the force hm."
"The force?" Obito blinked.
"It was something in one of Severus' books. About a Luke-san and an alien hm." Deidara shrugged. "it was funny."
"Those books are muddling your brain." Itachi scolded Deidara lightly.
"Ehh? But their good books hm!"
"Their a little too erotic for me." Obito complained. "I've never had sex before so that stuff doesn't interest me. I don't see the appeal."
Kisame spat out his food and twirled to look at Obito with horror. "Your a virgin too!? Is everyone in this damn place a virgin?"
No one spoke up in defence of themselves. Obito perked up at that and grinned under his mask.
"Tobi wants to know who's all a virgin too!! Put your hand up if you don't have sex!!" Tobi grinned under his mask as he lifted his hand up while still laying down on his friends laps.
Hidan had come in at some point to make some coffee, while Kakuzu sat down with a plate of leftovers. Even Nagato and Konan and come in, so Konan could cook more food.
Everyone in the room put their hands up.
Konan blinked as she looked around the room. "Hidan why do you have your hand up?"
"Fuck you! I'm celibate you bitch!" Hidan spat and he stirred his coffee. "I get why Kisame and Tobi are virgins but what the fucks wrong with the rest of you?"
"Tobi doesn't like what Hidan is implying." Obito grumbled sourly.
"Shut up hm! Tobi is fucking sexy hm!" Deidara spat.
"Wow I really feel the love here." Kisame muttered as no one stood up for him.
"Why the fucks he hiding his face then?" Hidan argued right back. Ignoring Kisame's comment.
"Tobi is a good boy." Obito mumbled.
"Don't pressure him." Itachi warned, sharingan flashing for intimidation purposes.
"Why's Kakuzu a virgin hm? Isn't he like a hundred hm?" Deidara deflected as he turned his gaze towards the old man who was peacefully eating his food. He looked up from his cold leftovers and sent a glare towards Deidara for bringing him up.
"I'm a puppet. I cannot copulate." Sasori tossed his two cents in.
No one really paid attention to what he said though since Hidan right away jumped on the Kakuzu train. "Yeah why the fuck didn't you get some fucking tail you old fuck."
Kakuzu sighed and put down his chopsticks. "Though it isn't of anyone's business, I don't feel the need to do such things. I also do not want to share my jiongu with potential offspring."
"So your cheap bastard attitude affects your sex life too hm?" Deidara snickered.
"Konan-san, if I may inquire. I previously was under the assumption that you and Nagato-san were in a relationship." Itachi murmured.
Everyone stopped their chattering to look towards the both of them curiously. Konan blushed under the attention as she continued to cook over the stove. Nagato was the one to answer that one though with a deadpan expression. "I'm gay."
There was silence.
"Tobi wants to know who's all gay, put your hand up if you're gay!!" Obito laughed.
Tentatively, hands went up. Obito stared at Itachi and Deidara with a blank expression.
Obito, Konan and Kakuzu were the only ones that didn't raise their hands. Which meant that Hidan, Sasori, Kisame, Itachi, Nagato, and Deidara were gay.
"Tobi thinks this is why everyone likes Severus-chans books so much." Obito scowled.
"Your not gay hm?" Deidara blinked. "I thought you were hm."
Obito blushed under his mask and quickly jumped off of Itachi and Deidara's laps. "Tobi doesn't think Tobi is gay, Tobi only liked one person and she was a girl."
"Tobi should find out for sure." Kisame snarked. "Shit, now I'm talking in third person."
"Tobi doesn't know how to check!" Obito flailed. "Tobi doesn't want to know!"
"You only have to kiss a guy hm? Itachi will volunteer, hm?" Deidara grinned as he elbowed Itachi in the ribs. Itachi sent him a glare, but the slight redness in his cheeks was glaringly obvious on his pale skin.
"He's my cousin." Itachi hissed under his breath, so only Deidara would hear it.
"Cousins are for practice hm?"
"Tobi strongly disagrees with this plan." Obito squawked.
"Get a room." Kisame grumbled for the third time.
"No don't! We gotta see this shit! Shut the fuck up Kisame you shark fucker!"
Kisame spluttered. "Excuse me?"
"Tobi doesn't think Kisame fucks sharks." Obito said unsurely. "At least, Tobi doesn't think Kisame fucks sharks."
"Fuck off Tobi. Take off your damn mask and kiss Itachi." Kisame growled.
Itachi slightly perked up.
"Tobi doesn't wanna show his face! Tobi isn't much to look at!" Obito said anxiously as nervousness bubbled up in his gut.
"Then I'll hide you hm? Come on Tobi, you gotta find out for sure hm?" Deidara grinned mischievously.
"If he isn't much to look at then just do it. No one cares where you came from." Sasori added another two cents.
"Unless you have a bounty." Kakuzu said as he raised an eyebrow at Obito.
Obito just slumped. "Tobi doesn't have a bounty. Tobi is KIA."
"Then don't fucking worry about it. No one here will fucking rat you out." Hidan huffed. "We're basically fucking family anyway."
"Does this make Kakuzu our grandpa?" Sasori was gonna go broke with all the ryo he was tossing into this conversation.
"Konan is the mom!" Obito snickered.
"Absolutely not." Konan frowned. "If I have to help raise and scold any of you as well as cook then I'm going to replace everyone's kunai with origami dicks."
There was a brief silence before Hidan burst out laughing. "Can I have one anyway?"
"Me too." Kisame grinned.
Konan blushed and went back to her cooking silently.
"We're getting off track, weren't we going to help Tobi discover his sexuality?" Itachi reminded everyone helpfully.
Obito turned to Itachi and sighed loudly. "We are not kissing Ita-chan!! Tobi probably isn't even gay!"
"You still have to check hm?"
"Someone pin him down." Sasori ordered. Then he threw out chakra strings and grabbed Tobi and put him on the floor easily. "Never mind, I got it."
"Tobi objects very strongly to this manhandling Sasori-chan. Tobi is sad now." Obito lied. If he didn't like being teased and made the centre of attention he wouldn't have let Sasori's strings catch him. He admitted that after he'd stopped being consumed with hate, he had begun to think of Akatsuki like his family.
He trusted them. Oddly enough.
"Don't worry hm, like Hidan said, we're all family here hm." Deidara smiled reassuringly as he creeped off the couch and crawled to him to pin down his arms. "Get him, Itachi. This is your only chance hm!"
Obito felt warm and fuzzy inside. Though it didn't mean that he had any interest in kissing his baby cousin. That was wrong. He still liked Rin, he still wanted to revive her and marry her.
"You got the camera?" Kisame nudged Kakuzu.
Kakuzu nodded subtly and whipped out the camera. "All pictures can be bought for 10,000 ryo, and must only be sold to those in this room."
"Cheap bastard, hm."
"Ita-chan wouldn't kiss his Nii-chan would he? Tobi is family remember?" Obito said nervously as he struggled a little in Deidara's grip.
Itachi looked conflicted for a moment as he looked around the room at the people he had somehow become family with in the last three years. He wasn't sure how it happened, but somehow Obito had pulled everyone together. The friction that used to be between everyone had all but vanished over the years, turning into harmless teasing.
It could have been the countless vacations between bijuu hunts, or Konan's meals that brought everyone into the same room on a daily basis, or even the fact that almost everyone read Severus' books and always talked about them with each other. It could have been all of the above.
In the end, everyone here had become close to each other despite the conflicting personalities.
Itachi looked down at Obito once more, his pinky finger twitching slightly in nervousness. Did he really want to kiss Obito-Nii-chan? Did he truly want-
"Just fucking kiss him already Itachi! Tobi needs to figure out his shit." Hidan urged.
Itachi nodded firmly. "Of course, Tobi-Nii, this is for your own good."
Obito felt his face heat up as Itachi got up from the couch and moved to stand over him. Itachi hesitated for a moment before sitting down on his knees beside Obito and reaching for his mask.
"What if Tobi doesn't like it?" Obito looked around worriedly at everyone. "Tobi might be straight!"
"I don't think you are hm? You always cuddle us hm?" Deidara snickered.
Obito spluttered at that. "Dei-chan!! Now everyone knows we sleep together!!"
Deidara blushed furiously. "They didn't know it until you said it hm!"
"Quit fucking I stalling!"
Itachi grabbed the edges of Obito's mask as Kakuzu got the camera ready, his fingers slightly shaking. Obito stilled under Itachi's intense gaze and shut his eyes as the air hit his face.
Everyone stared at the handsomely beautiful face revealed.
Obito opened his eyes and squinted at everyone with a slight pout. "Mou~ I feel naked.."
"Holy fucking shit!" Hidan squawked. "Your cute as fuck! What the hell!?"
Obito blushed brightly and looked away hotly. "M' not."
"You are." Kisame agreed. "No clue who you are though."
"Tch, no bounty."
"You'd make a good puppet."
"You still have to kiss him hm." Deidara reminded Itachi. Itachi furrowed his brows subtly and clasped his hands together before bringing his face down.
Obito panicked a little, but didn't stop it from happening. He didn't care to find out if he was interested in guys, but he cared a lot for his ducklings. They'd done so much together already.
They all slept in the same bed, they bathed together, they slaughtered people together, they ate together, and they cackled together. So what if he let his duckling have his first kiss with him? Clearly it meant a lot to Itachi and he wasn't going to refuse it. If he didn't like it then he didn't like it and things will still go back to normal anyway.
They were family. He loved them. He wouldn't let something as petty as this stop their friendship. He was Uchiha. And Uchiha loved for life.
Obito loved for life.
So he closed his eyes and did his best to-
"Mmmff!?!"
Oh hell!
A picture snapped.
And Obito didn't know what to do about the tongue in his mouth. Was he supposed to suck on it? Yes..yes he was supposed to suck on it. Ah he bit it. Shit. He was doing this wrong. Oh no never mind, Itachi liked that. Oh. He was supposed to fight Itachi with his tongue. Kissing is like another form of fighting isn't it?
This isn't too bad.
He moved his tongue to swirl around Itachi's. Fighting his tongue, licking and biting just enough to get Itachi to make that sound again. Yes that's the sound. Obito felt his lungs burning from not breathing. How does he breath? Oh from the nose...ohhh he smells good. Okay..oka- oh that's it?
Obito blinked as Itachi sat up, licking the spit from his lips.
"Gay." Sasori scoffed, "but we already knew that didn't we?"
"I'm not gay. I'm..whatever it is that likes more than one person." Obito said defensively.
"Polygamist." Kakuzu supplied.
Deidara snorted at that as he let go of Obito's arms and grinned at Itachi, who was still somewhat stunned about the whole thing.
"Have you figured out how to hide your aura yet?" I asked as Minato opened his eyes from his meditation.
Minato frowned slightly and nodded. "This..must be why the Shinigami can't go into the living dimension on his own."
I had already made that conclusion.
Our spiritual power had transcended a physical form. It was difficult to keep the form we once had now that we were pure spiritual beings, but it was possible. However, our power was damaging to the living.
To weaker souls.
We needed to learn to keep it in check before we left the Kamui, otherwise we'll destroy the world with it.
It was difficult, concentrating on keeping this form, and keeping my aura hidden within it. It wasn't about the appearance, it was more about being physical.
The final stage had required for our souls to basically consume our bodies.
We could still touch each other, but it made touching things with a physical form impossible. It had taken a long time to learn how to make ourselves physical again, and a longer time to be able to keep our aura hidden so we couldn't accidentally crush everyone around us with it.
"So you won't accidentally destroy the world if we head out now?" I asked with a tilt of my head.
Minato smiled warmly and slowly stood up from the floor, the slow flow of his haori not matching his movements at all. He looked ethereally, and absolutely divine.
And yet there wasn't much either of us could do about it. We were no longer physical. Our forms didn't follow the normal rules anymore.
We could hardly even pretend that they did.
"I'm sure. Orochimaru, are you sure you won't destroy the world? Reality seems to be warping around you." Minato snickered.
I looked down at my arm blankly before suppressing my aura further. The little ripples surrounding my body quickly vanished.
"I'll be fine." I stated before looking towards the diamond door.
Minato looked down at his fingers before looking towards me with hesitation.
"Hey." Minato murmured. I looked back at him with a slight frown.
"Hm?"
"Are you okay?" Minato almost whispered as he hesitated from coming closer. "You-you're acting different"
I blinked slowly and sighed slightly as I took a step towards the seals near the door to begin deactivating them. I placed my hand on the seal, but didn't do anything yet. I just felt the energy of the chakra running through the seals and once again wondered why little markings were enough to completely seal a god. How it was enough to control the shinigami, and why it affected reality as it did.
It was a question I'd never been able to answer.
It wasn't the reason for my silence.
I closed my eyes slowly.
"Minato. We've been together for nearly 350 years now. I need to get something off my chest before we leave."
Minato frowned slightly but nodded.
I gulped a little before I felt the tears begin to spill. "I-I..before you came here... I didn't think I'd be able to make it back. I had a plan..but I didn't know if I could do it. I didn't think you'd be able to come here either, not as quickly as you did. I thought it would be years before I could see you again. Or I thought I'd never see you again."
"You cheated on me."
I paused and looked down at my feet. "I was thinking about it."
Minato was silent as he absorbed it. I felt myself tense with anticipation. I didn't know what to expect. I was worried.
And then he laughed.
I flinched at the sound and turned around to look at him worriedly only to see he was actually laughing because he was happy.
What.
"Oh Oro-chan you are absolutely adorable I swear!" Minato barked out another laugh. "You and your civilian views oh my.. you just... Hahahahaha!!!"
"...civilian..views?" I mouthed with blank confusion.
"Oh your killing me!! Oro-chan no don't cry!!" Minato quickly ran to me and grabbed my face in his hands gently.
"It's okay, Oro. You remember the academy right? You remember what they taught in school right?"
"I was only there for a year." I sniffled.
"Ohh okay no I see what's happening. Look, things are a little different and I'm so sorry for not realizing that you didn't know everything about this. See, polygamy is widely accepted here. It's a clan thing see? Men are allowed to have more than one person, they can even have ten!"
I blinked at him owlishly. "What."
"Not that I'm saying I had sex with anyone else. I never had any interest in anyone else, just you. Getting closer to other people just never seemed right to me because you were all I needed. It doesn't mean that I'd ever be upset if you suddenly had another husband or a wife. I didn't even think about it because it's so normal here alright? If I had returned and you'd had another husband already I wouldn't have gotten mad. I would have introduced myself as your first husband and tried to integrate into your new relationship to the best of my ability. Like threesomes and orgys."
"What."
"So it's okay! It's okay that you thought about having sex with someone else alright? Unless it was a Hatake of course. Those guys are possessive mother fuckers." Minato laughed warmly.
"..."
"It was Kakashi wasn't it."
"... I don't understand orgys. Let's not do that." I said as I rubbed my elbow and looked away.
Minato then stomped over to the seals and deactivated them and went out the door.
"I'm gonna kill him."
"Please don't kill him, he's a sad thing." I pleaded half heartedly.
"Hatake are possessive, Orochimaru. They have this whole system about their clan and mates. Their chakra is different, and their bodies are different. If you had slept with him do you know what would have happened?" Minato asked me patiently, though he was obviously holding back anger.
I blinked.
"No of course you don't. There's only two Hatake left and their genetic make up isn't widely known. It doesn't affect our Kakashi since he has a new body but it applies to this Kakashi. If you had slept with him you would have lost all attraction towards me. I would have become nothing more than someone distasteful to you because his sperm would have affected the hormones in your body to only work for him. You would look at me and feel sick to your stomach that we were together."
"That's...but Sakumo's wife left him...?"
"You gave them new bodies remember?"
"Ah."
Minato sighed as he furrowed his brows. "It was also why the Hatake clan declined to one. And now there will be none. Because Kakashi is dead. Dead."
"Ah no, don't." I mumbled blankly.
"I'm gonna kill him, and then I'm going to revive him into a new body and then we're going to fuck him."
"What. No."
Minato blinked and looked back at me. "But, but polygamy."
"Fuck off with your polygamy. We. Don't. Do. That."
Minato slumped. "Awe.."
