Jimmy: "Sarah!"

[Jimmy is being dragged across the yard, as if something is tugging on his retainer.]

Jimmy: "Aah!" [He hits a fence and is out like a light.] "What rotten luck."

Rolf: [staring at the searching brace] "Please tell Rolf his eyes do not lie. Hello?"

Kevin: "What?" [Slowly, a wrench forces itself out of his pocket and falls straight up.] "Hey!"

[The wrench is followed, in short order, by a bike pump and a radio.]

Rolf: "It is the curse of the sirens in the hungry tree!"

[Actually, it is the curse of the greedy Eds in a tree with a giant magnet.]

Eddy: "Where's the cash?"

Nat: "I don't see any."

Edd: "Strange, my electromagnet seems to be averse to certain metal alloys."

Ed: "Let's get funky!" [He turns the radio on.]

Nat: "No Ed!"

Eddy: "They'll hear us!"

Edd: "Ed, please, not now!" [He, Nat and Eddy furiously try to find a way to turn the radio off.]

Rolf: "The sirens call upon us!" [His gold horseshoe necklace levitates.] "We must do the belly bump, as it is the only way to please the tree!"

[Suddenly, Kevin's radio falls on Kevin's head.]

Rolf: "I am Rolf, son of a shepherd."

Ed: [playing with a cassette] "I can tie my shoes, Eddy!"

Eddy: "Looks like the knot in your head, Ed."

[Ed sticks his shoe out to show Eddy and kicks his friend off the tree. The magnet descends, hitting Rolf. Rolf is then hit by Eddy, Ed, Nat and finally Edd.]

Rolf: [confused] "Ed-boys and Nat-girl?"

Kevin: "Let's pound 'em, Rolf!"

Rolf: "Rolf is not amused, you...how you say...ducks?"

Kevin: "Dorks!"

Rolf: "Yes! That is what I said."

Kevin: "Nah, you said–"

Rolf: "Ducks! See, ducks!"

Eddy: [nervous] "Uh, Rolf! Kevin! Hate to interrupt, so–" [He and his friends run away.]

Kevin: "Get back here."

[The Eds and Nat run into the junkyard.]

Eddy: "Quick! Scatter!" [The Eds and Nat split up.]

Kevin: " A knuckle sandwich, eh Rolf?"

Rolf: "No thank you, I am not hungry."

Edd: [by a giant tire] "Oh dear. I deplore physical altercations. Hide, I must–" [Nat's hand takes his. Nat hauls Edd into the tire, where they hide along with Eddy.]

Rolf: "I think I saw the ducks run here!"

Kevin: [stopping by the tire] "Dorks Rolf, dorks."

Rolf: "Dorks do not quack, Kevin."

Kevin: "Whatever. Let's find them." [He and Rolf run off.]

Eddy: [standing up] "Suckers. Hey Ed! Ed! C'mon out, it's all clear!"

[Ed pops up from a pile of garbage wearing a ratty top hat.]

Ed: "Hi Eddy!"

Eddy: [snickering] "Nice hat, Ed."

Ed: "I'm fancy! Look at me." [He takes out an umbrella.] "Okay. A-one, and a-two, and a–"

[Ed dances around the umbrella, a stupid look on his face. Edd, Nat and Eddy laugh.]

Eddy: "Touch your toe to your nose!"

Ed: "Like this?"

[Ed takes off his shoe and presses his big toe to his nose.]

Eddy: "Good one, Ed! Now hop forward! Keep going!" [Ed hops off the edge of the platform.] "You gotta love him."

[Edd and Nat applaud.]

Edd: "Ed could be on TV, don't you think Nat?"

Nat: "Absolutely!"

Eddy: "It's all in the directing, Double D."

Ed: "Eddy is Mister Showbiz!"

Eddy: [angry] "I'll give you Mister–" [inspiration strikes] "–Showbiz! Big cash in showbiz."

Edd: "There's no business like it."

Eddy: "Lights. Camera. Bingo."

[The kids are playing in the lane.]

Nazz: "Look, guys!"

Jimmy: "Runaway rug!"

Sarah: "Look out!"

[A red carpet comes bounding down the lane, unfolding as it goes. When it's finished, Ed is shown filming Edd, Nat and Eddy.]

Nat: "Here we are on location with Renaissance man Mr. Eddy."

Edd: Mr. Eddy, how about a scoop?"

Eddy: "Lemme tell ya, I'll be hosting and directing the cul-de-sac's first ever–"

[Jonny shoves his head in front of the camera.]

Eddy: "Uh... Hey Jonny. Use it or lose it." [He pushes Jonny out of the way.] "First-ever TV show! It'll have glitz, tinsel, and TV cameras!"

Kevin: "Glitz?"

Sarah: "Tinsel?"

Jimmy: "TV cameras!"

Ed: "Makeup." [He turns the camera to tape the kids.]

Jimmy: "I'm on TV!"

Sarah: "Hi Mom!"

Jonny: "Smile, Plank!"

Rolf: "Hello Victor!"

Jimmy: "See me, television land?"

Kevin: [camera pointed at his legs] "Hey, I'm up here, ya–"

Nazz: "Hey, I'm Nazz."

Eddy: "Cut. Save the film for the big stars, Ed."

Edd: "Care to name-drop, Mr. Eddy?"

Eddy: "Can't talk about it. Legal stuff. But I'll be holding auditions for local talent."

Nat: "Now that's entertainment."

Jonny: "Let's rehearse, Plank."

Jimmy: "I'll be famous."

[The kids, with the exception of Kevin, cheer and run off to practice.]

Kevin: "Here's my audition." [He blows a raspberry.] "Losers!" [He leaves.]

Eddy: "Prima donna. After our show, we'll be rolling in jawbreakers!"

Ed: "Rolling, Mr. Eddy!" [He rolls up the carpet.]

[Edd is shining a spotlight on Jonny and Plank]

Nat: "Auditioning: Jonny Two By Four and Plank."

Eddy: "Anytime you're ready, kid."

Jonny: "Plank tells jokes! Knock 'em dead, buddy."

Plank:

[Jonny laughs.]

Jonny: "Oh that's a good one! You're killing me!" [Ed laughs with him.]

Eddy: "Next!" [Jonny doesn't move.] "C'mon, we don't have all day."

Nazz: "Hi guys. I'm here to audition!"

[Nazz has with her a tuba. Ed and Eddy start to sweat, amazed by her beauty. Nazz puts her mouth to the tuba and blows a horrendous note. The note sounds like ten cars all at once blew their horns at one another.]

Edd: "Oh...bravo."

Nazz: "That was fun!"

Eddy: "Sign her up, Double D!"

Edd: [whispering] "Sign her up? Nazz single-handedly annihilated all that is music!"

Eddy: [dreamily] "Yeah."

Rolf: "Hello? I will be performing my country's traditional 'Dance of the Hairless Otter.'"

Eddy: [before Rolf can start] "Next!" [whispering to Edd] "There's no budget for subtitles."

Sarah: [obnoxiously] "Ready!"

Eddy: "Who invited them? Okay, c'mon, c'mon, time is money."

[Jimmy twangs his retainer while Sarah begins to dance.]

Ed: "I've got gourd stuck in my teeth."

Sarah: "C'mon, Jimmy!" [She begins to twang a banjo and sing while she dances to Jimmy's beat.]

Eddy: "Stop the music!" [He pulls Jimmy away.] "See the star on that door? That's for stars! And you're a star, baby! Lose the amateur, and you'll be a household product."

[Jimmy looks back and forth from the door with a star to Sarah.]

Jimmy: "I wanna be a star!"

Sarah: "Hey!"

Eddy: "AUDITIONS ARE CLOSED!" [Sarah sticks her pinky in her ear.]

[Sarah, Jonny, Plank, Rolf, and Kevin are sitting on a bench, waiting for the show to begin.]

Kevin: "De-ja vu."

[The curtains rise, and Eddy leaps onto a table placed onstage.]

Eddy: "Hello, and welcome to the first ever Ed telethon! We've got loads of talent, and our operators are standing by to take your money!" [A spotlight shines on Edd and Nat, who is standing by a phone.] "I mean, pledges. Yes, it's all about raising money for Ed's eyebrow operation."

Kevin: "Aw, here we go."

Eddy: [mournfully] "Find it in your hearts to give and help us reach our goal." [The goal is $5.00.]

Eddy: "Without your pledges, Ed's eyebrow could spread all over his body." [to Ed] "Body, stupid, body!"

Ed: "Oh yeah." [He lifts his shirt to reveal a fake mustache has been placed on his belly.]

Eddy: "Oh no! It's started!"

Rolf: "Did you see it move?"

Jonny: [tearfully] "Who knew?"

Eddy: "Okay, let's start the show."

Kevin: "It's about time!"

Eddy: "Please, give it up for that tuba diva, Nazz!"

[The kids cheer, and Nazz bows. When she does this, the tuba moves to catch Eddy in its horn.]

Nazz: "Thanks, guys!" [She straightens up, revealing that Eddy is stuck in the horn.]

Kevin: "Go Nazz, go!"

[Nazz blows a note more horrendous than the one she blew at the audition. Eddy comes unstuck and flies through the air, propelled by the force of the air escaping Nazz's body.]

Ed: "Nazz is good." [Eddy lands.]

Nazz: "You okay, Eddy? We should jam sometime!" [Eddy tries to speak, but his tongue becomes a knot.]

Kevin: "Whassa matter, dork? Can't talk to girls?" [The kids laugh.]

Eddy: "Let's go to the phones!" [Edd and Nat stands by the phone.] "Ed."

[Ed hustles backstage.]

Edd: "A phone call should come up anytime."

Kevin: [heckling] "Like my lunch!" [A wave of laughter greets this remark.]

Eddy: "And now, ladies & germs, Mr. Magic himself, the great Jimbo!" [Jimmy does not appear onstage.]

Sarah: "Yay!"

Jonny: "Yay!"

Kevin: "Snoresville."

Rolf: "Amaze me."

Edd: [beckoning to Jimmy] "Hurry Jimmy please!"

Jimmy: [worried about his wardrobe] "My feather! It won't stay up! It's limp!"

Eddy: [conferencing with Edd] "Where's Jimmy?"

Edd: "A plume predicament."

The Kids: [cheering] "Jimmy! Jimmy! Jimmy! Jimmy! Jimmy!"

Eddy: "Get out there, and stall them!" [He pushes Edd into the spotlight.]

Kevin: "Hey, look! Jimmy turned himself into a dork!"

Edd: [struck with stage fright] "Oh dear. There go the lights."

[Edd collapses while Nat drags him off.]

Kevin: "This show heaves!"

[The phone rings.]

Eddy: "A pledge!" [picking up the phone] "Ed telethon."

Ed: [hunting in a fridge] "Eddy, do you keep donations in the fridge?" [Eddy hangs up angrily.]

Sarah: "Yay, Jimmy!" [Jimmy has finally appeared onstage.]

Jimmy: "For my first trick, I will make a flower magically bloom from a pot of soil. Say the magic words! Bubbly bubbly boo." [The flowers bloom from inside his shirt.] "Huh?"

Eddy: "Oh, he's laying an egg!"

Jimmy: "Could I get a volunteer, please?"

[Jonny and Sarah both indicate they'd like to be picked.]

Jimmy: "Okay, Sar–"

Rolf: "Prove to Rolf your powers are true!"

Kevin: "Thataboy, Rolf!"

Jimmy: "I will now saw Rolf in–" [The box falls apart, much to his consternation and Kevin's enjoyment.]

Kevin: "My gut's killing me!"

Jimmy: "But I'm a star." [He runs offstage. On the way, he trips on the microphone wire and runs into the pledge board.]

Sarah: [worried] "Jimmy?"

Kevin: "C'mon, who's on deck?"

[The phone rings.]

Eddy: [picking it up] "Ed telethon."

Ed: [from a hole he dug in Eddy's living room floor] "Are donations bigger than a breadbox?"

[Eddy slams the phone down.]

Kevin: "This telethon stinks!"

Rolf: "Ya, I smell it!"

Eddy: "Yeah? Well you're a–"

Kevin: [mocking Eddy] "Ooh, welcome to the Dork telethon. I'm your twerp host Eddy. Won't you please help my poor hairy friend?"

Rolf: "Ya, please help me, for my eyebrow is growing like a garden weed!"

[The kids all laugh.]

Rolf: "Let us do our own show!"

Kevin: "Good idea, Rolf."

Rolf: "Bye bye, Ed-boys!"

Jonny: "Wait up, guys!" [The audience leaves.]

Eddy: "They stole our audience, Nat and Double D!"

Nat: "I'm sorry Eddy."

Edd: "The bigger you are, the harder you fall."

Ed: [a colander on his head] "Is this a donation?"

Eddy: "Ed's big." [He leaps on Ed.]

[Jonny, Nazz, Sarah, and a heavily bandaged Jimmy are laughing at the show being put on in front of them.]

Rolf: [howling] "I'm the hairless otter, and I must eat chickens!"

Kevin: [with a broom and a pillow in his shirt] "Hey, you bag of flesh!" [Rolf howls.] "Let's dance! Kerpow!"

Rolf: [pretending to be wounded] "Oh! Oh, my otter heart! It has been struck. Ah ha! You missed, Reconnaissance Kevin!"

Kevin: "Stupid broom!" [Rolf clamps his jaw around Kevin.] "Ah! I'm otter bait!"

[The kids cheer and then throw coins at the performers. Rolf and Kevin thank them. The Eds and Nat peer over a fence.]

Eddy: "That's our money they're throwing!"

Ed: "Can I go over and watch?"

Eddy: "Why bother? They'll be coming to us." [The Eds and Nat duck below the fence. Reappearing with the giant magnet] "Hey, Romeo and Juliet! Who's laughing now? Full power, Double D!"

Edd: "Powering up, Eddy!"

Ed: "It floats."

[The magnet suddenly turns around and drags them to a dumpster. They hang there, stuck to its surface.]

Eddy: "Double D?"

Edd: "Silly me, it appears I put the batteries in backwards."

Nat: "Common mistake."

Eddy: "You sure haven't been on the ball lately, huh, Double D?" [The dumpster lid pitches forward, closing.]

Ed: "Kinda funky, huh guys and girl?"