Chapter 33

Luke waited until Shelby was in school to discuss her confession with Rachel.

With Rachel working during the day, he had to go to her photography studio. Asking if he could have a minute of her time, she asked Kirk to watch the front desk while they went in the back to her darkroom since Rachel had some photos to develop.

"What's up?" she asked as Rachel started cleaning a roll of film. "Did you find out why Shelby acted that way?"

Luke took a quick deep breath, letting it out. "Yep."

She offered him a stool to sit on, sitting down on another while sliding the film onto what looked like an oversized sewing spool. "Okay."

Sitting towards the edge of the stool, Luke held on as he began. "Well, it was a process getting it out of her."

He heard Rachel snicker. Not in a mean way, but in a knowing way that was typical of Shelby. "It usually is," she said in agreement.

"I finally had her write it down, and..." Luke paused, hesitating with his thought.

Rachel glanced up from where she was wrapping the film onto the spool, the end twisting up on her. "And?"

Taking another breath, he said, "Shelby says you wouldn't allow her to call me that night she slept over with you and your mother."

Upon hearing the reason, he could barely make out her hands drop into her lap as she let out a defeated sigh. "She's still upset over that?" she asked with tired concern.

"Guess so," Luke shrugged.

"What happened to the kid being forgiving?"

"Well, when you pull something such as that after I have said over a dozen times, if she needs to come home, I will come and get her, then yes, I imagine that would take a little time to forgive."

"Luke, she had slept over three times, and now four. There is no reason to keep that option on the table." Rachel reached over and grabbed some kind of container, pulling the cap off so she could drop the film inside.

"She was scared and upset with me, Rachel. Shelby had nowhere else to go, so she had no other choice but to stay," he pointed out.

"Yes, and I understand that, but," she stood up to fill the container with some kind of chemical liquid, "regardless of the reason, Shelby slept the whole night in her room, without having to go home, and she lived. There's no reason why she can't continue staying the whole night. I'm right down the hall and Shelby can call me on the walkie-talkie. She doesn't need to go running to you every time she gets scared. She needs to learn to depend on the other people in her life and herself."

"Yes, I can agree to that, but you can't go against what I told her, especially without telling me."

Rachel turned around, now rolling the container in her hands. "If I had called, would you have backed me up?"

Stumbling on his words, he answered, "Y-yes." Luke cleared his throat and forced out some confidence. "I would have encouraged her to stay and reminded her she has done it already."

"Really," she nodded, sounding as though Rachel wasn't buying it.

"Yes, really. I am the one who convinced her to spend the night in the first place."

"Okay, yes, I'll give you that, and I felt so relieved when you did. That was awesome of you." Rachel poured out the chemical in a wide sink to add the next chemical.

"And I told her if need be, I'd come get her early," he added.

"I didn't hear that part," she admitted. "Still, you shouldn't have told her that, Luke."

"Why not?" Luke questioned of her. "I tell her no matter where she goes. Whether it's to your place, or Lorelai's, or her friends'. Doesn't matter. If Shelby ever feels she needs or wants to come home, she can, and I will come get her so you won't have to."

Rachel dropped her head in frustration. She picked it back up to look around the room as if to gather her bearings before responding. "Luke, do you want to know what my mom said when I told her about you being able to come get her in the middle of the night?"

Luke folded his arms. "What?"

"She says, if we allow Shelby to go home in the middle of the night whenever she gets scared, then we are teaching her it's okay to quit something when things get hard."

He shot up from his stool, defensive. "Coming home in the middle of the night when she gets scared does not teach her to quit when things get hard. When I signed Shelby up for t-ball, I told her she had to finish the season out, and if she didn't want to do it after she finished, then she doesn't have to continue with T-ball," Luke shot at her.

Rachel shrugged her hands out, the container sitting on the counter. "That's great to hear, Luke, but by this point, it's getting ridiculous Shelby can't stay the whole night when she has done it four times. And by the way, when Shelby shared this with you, did she mention how she tried to hit me?"

His hard expression softened and Luke looked taken aback. "What?"

"Uh huh," she nodded, already knowing the answer by his response. Rachel folded her arms lightly, glancing down at the floor. She looked up to add, "after I told Shelby, she couldn't call you to go home, I tried to offer some comfort myself and to read her another story. I went to hug her, and she shoved me and slapped my arm and I had to back away. I told her I wasn't going to help her if she was going to be violent, so I turned off the light and left the room. Mom tried to offer to go in and help her, but I told her not to, because I didn't want violent behavior rewarded. Once I switched the laundry over, Mom and I went back to bed."

It outraged Luke to hear Shelby was left alone while she was in distress. "She probably cried herself to sleep, Rachel," he told her, raising his voice.

Rachel shrugged, holding it, "I didn't like doing it anymore than you do, but it had to be done, Luke. Shelby can't always run to you and she does need to learn to self-soothe, sooner or later."

"She has learned to self-soothe, Rachel. Shelby had to soothe herself for the first five years of her life," Luke shot at her. "Now, because of what you said, Shelby doesn't want to go back your place anymore."

"And let me guess, you're allowing it?"

"I told her we'd take a break until after the holidays and try again next year."

Rachel nodded towards the floor. "So I don't even get to see her for Christmas? After I didn't get to spend Thanksgiving with her either."

Luke softened at that. "Come on, Rachel. It's Shelby's choice."

She shook her head that time. "I honestly think you give her too many choices."

He looked over at her in confusion. "What do you mean by that?"

Looking up, she said, "you tell her she can go home whenever she wants, so she does," as she shrugged. "As long as she has the option of going home whenever something scares her or gets hard, she will. You told her she couldn't quit T-ball, so she stuck it out."

"Yeah, because Shelby was enjoying it."

"She was enjoying being at my place, too. But because she had the option to leave whenever she wanted to, including in the middle of the night, Shelby does. Do you see my point, Luke? I mean, did she ever ask to come home when Shelby slept over at Lorelai's?"

He wanted to say yes, but Luke knew even on the very first night, he never received a call from Lorelai, asking to come pick Shelby up.

"You say you want us to work together, but how is this working together?"

Luke did not respond. He stared at the floor. It felt like he was backed into a corner and couldn't get out. "We're not taking the option off the table." he replied. "I'm willing to agree on anything as long as that option stays. It's an agreement we have made and I'm not going back on it."

"Well then," she said, defeated. "I guess Shelby won't ever be able to sleep over."

"I'm sure she will," Luke tried to reassure her.

Rachel asked him to leave at that point. So Luke turned towards the door. Making sure her film wouldn't be exposed, Luke opened the door and left the darkroom, leaving the studio. He ignored Kirk on the way. It took a few seconds for his eyes to adjust to the light.

Luke checked with Shelby when he picked her up to see if she had lashed out at her mom. Having lashed out towards him at one point, Luke couldn't deny Rachel was probably telling the truth. Once Shelby was in the truck, he asked if she did and reassured her Shelby would not be in trouble if she told the truth. After a moment's hesitance, she nodded, confirming it. Luke then gave his daughter a stern lecture lashing out needed to stop. She couldn't keep lashing out at others, especially when they were only trying to help, and if it continued, there would be consequences.

A few days gone by when Lorelai stopped by the diner, asking if the two of them could discuss something important.

"Yeah, sure," he agreed and told Caesar he was in charge for a moment before leading her in the back where he and Shelby talked the day they made up. "What did you need to talk to me about?"

"Rachel invited me to lunch yesterday, to talk to me about a few concerns she needed to share with someone," she explained, which caused Luke to sigh under his breath. "It actually wasn't that bad, and it helped to see her side of things."

"So she told you what happened between her and Shelby, recently, and about Shelby giving her a hard time?"

"Rachel did mention it, yes," Lorelai nodded in response as Luke folded his arms tightly across his chest. "Listen, I'm not saying I'm taking her side, but I do feel Rachel may have a point."

Luke suddenly stared at her in surprise. "What?"

"Hear me out, skippy. I told her the way she handled the situation could have gone a better way, but I think we may have been too soft on Shelby. You've taken things slow and that's good, but I think you might be letting Shelby get a little too comfortable where she is."

"You can't seriously be considering this?" he questioned in surprise.

"I don't know, honestly. Shelby has come so far since you first brought her here," Lorelai told him, honestly. "She's made great progress and you alone have done such a wonderful job with her."

"Yes, and she'll continue to make better progress," Luke tried to insist.

Lorelai hesitated.

"You don't think Shelby will continue to make progress." It was more of a statement than a question.

"Maybe she will, or maybe she won't."

Luke tilted his head back as he let out a tired sigh.

"Look, we've let Shelby warm up to us at a pace where she could get to know us," she continued. "Get to know you, her dad, whom she wanted to dress as for Halloween for some weird reason."

He looked at her at that. "Why is that weird?"

"Most kids want to dress up as superheroes, and princesses, and ghosts, and vampires. Usually not another person from real life," Lorelai pointed out.

"Well, Shelby's not like everybody else, so yeah, it fits her personality."

"I'm not saying dressing like you is a bad thing, Luke. In fact, it shows how much you influence her life, which means you gotta be the one who helps her not be scared anymore. Not Rachel. Not me. Not Rory. Not the boys. You."

"And what do you think I've been trying to do? I have reminded Shelby about jumping in and doing it, even if she's scared. Shelby even started lasting an extra forty minutes. You can't tell me that's not progress, and as I told Rachel, I can't go back on my word and take the option of not letting her come home if she needs to, off the table."

"I'm not saying take the agreement you and Shelby made off the table."

"Then what are you saying? Because it sounds like you are," he argued, trying his best not to raise his voice.

"Look, you're not the only one I'm lecturing. I explained to Rachel, she has to show Shelby she's willing to help ease the kid into staying, too. I suggested pulling a chair up and sitting outside her door until Shelby fell back to sleep. When she pointed out how tired she is in the middle of the night and just wants to go back to sleep, I reminded her, a baby's first year is full of sacrifices from the parents. I barely got any sleep the first year Rory was born, and I relied on coffee more than I do now."

Luke flinched his head, staring at the woman in awe. More than she does now? How is that even possible? "How are you still alive?"

"Pure stubbornness," she answered before getting back on topic. "I explained to Rachel how that basically still applies to Shelby. Because of Shelby's anxiety, the both of you don't have to miss out on the first year, it just got prolonged. That's what being a parent is all about, sacrificing for your kid, and if that means sitting outside her door until she falls asleep again, then so be it, and you two need to work together on this. It may be about Shelby, but if there is no fifty/fifty from you, you two are gonna keep having these same issues."

"Well, what do you suggest when the two of us can't agree on anything?"

"Talk about it, come to some sort of compromise, and Luke, I know you have full custody, and control what happens to Shelby, you have to let Rachel have some sort of structure. Within reason," she quickly added, "while she's over at her mom's, otherwise Shelby's not gonna learn to respect her or possibly any other authority figure that would do or say something she doesn't like or want to do. I mean, you do want that, don't you?"

"Well, yeah, of course I do. I always tell Shelby to listen to her mom when she's with her, or to the boys' parents, or to you, even."

"Well, Luke, that includes at bedtime, as well." Before Luke could speak up, Lorelai stopped him and continued. "What I mean is, don't be quick to give in. Encourage Shelby to stay. Tell her she's already got this in the bag, that she's a big, brave girl who can kick monster or the dark's butt. Ask her if that... that one kid from her favorite show...the one with the baseball cap...what's his name?" she stumbled on, remembering the cartoon character Shelby liked.

"You mean Ash?"

Lorelai just stared at him. "It's sad and amazing you even know that," she told him, monotone.

"When you watch something on an almost daily basis and hearing something talked about a lot, you tend to get very familiar with a certain topic."

"Anyway, cartoon knowledge aside, ask her if...Ash would give up when things got scary or if a Pokemon would give up if a battle got tough," she continued, "and you know, I've come to notice something about Shelby that might even help."

Luke was now holding his hands on his sides. "What?"

"How much she's motivated with praise and rewards."

"You want us to reward her for sleeping the full night at her mom's. The satisfaction of doing it isn't enough?"

"With a kid with low self-esteem? Yes," she replied. "I mean, it's usually used while the kid is being potty-trained, but why not the three of you sit down and come up with a system? Make a sticker chart. If she makes it through the night, she gets a sticker or gold star. Eventually, double it. If Shelby stays both Friday and Saturday night, reward her two stickers. To keep 'coming home' an option, tell her if she decides she needs to come home, take away a sticker. Teach her there are always consequences to life, whether good or bad. Shelby won't be in trouble, make sure she understands that, but don't encourage it either. Let her know Shelby can always come home if she needs to, but teach her it won't help her to move forward if she continues doing it."

Luke was staring at the floor, letting the words sink in as he listened. He hated it, but Lorelai may have been right. He heard her voice soften.

"I know this is the hard part of being a parent. I think it's time for a little tough love, and you know what, Shelby will probably react negatively to this. But one day, she's gonna look back and thank you for pushing her out of the nest. Plus, letting Rachel take over will give you a break where you won't have to worry if Shelby's been fed, or has gotten ready for bed, or if her homework needs checking. If you want to give Rachel a chance, then you gotta give her that chance. Her home should be a home away from home where Shelby feels safe enough to live there, too, not just here. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"Yeah," he let out a breath of air. "Yeah, I get it."

Lorelai was right. They let Shelby get a little more comfortable than she needs to be. Even though it wasn't easy for him, Luke needed to use a little tough love if Shelby was going to be able to sleep on her own and give her that nudge she desperately needed. In fact, he even ran it by Madison, just to be sure. After all, she was the one to suggest taking things slow. Madison agreed one hundred percent and liked the idea of using a sticker chart and gave him some suggestions on how to make it and even some rewards he could use. Nothing he would give on her birthday or Christmas, but toys or books you'd find at the dollar store or in the dollar aisle at Wal-mart, or going to the movies, or some kind of weekend activity Shelby would enjoy. So, that being said, Luke went back to apologize to Rachel. Not an easy task, admitting he was wrong. Had to be done, though.

Rachel was preparing for a client's photo shoot appointment when Luke stopped by. She had a hard time giving him eye contact, still upset with him from their last meeting.

"Rachel, I, uh, wanted to... um... apologize." Luke found it hard to make eye contact, mostly keeping his eyes on the floor. "I still don't agree with how you handled things that night, and I still think you should have called me..." He took a deep breath in, letting it out through his nose. "Even after everything we've been through, you're still Shelby's mother, and I should let you have just as much input in the decisions of how she's raised, too, regardless who has legal custody of her."

Rachel had been keeping busy by making sure her camera was all set up. She stopped to look up at him. "So does this mean we can stop letting her go home in the middle of the night and let me handle when she wakes up?"

"No, that'll always be on the table, Rachel." He heard her sigh under her breath and looked through the lens of her camera as if she was going to take a shot, adjusting things. "You and I can sit down and come up with a compromise, though. Lorelai told you about the reward chart idea, right?"

"She did, actually," she admitted. "But I also told her I don't think we should continue letting Shelby leave in the middle of the night. I am willing to make sacrifices she mentioned is a part of raising a child, but letting Shelby quit, regardless if there is a consequence," Rachel shrugged over at him, shaking her head.

"We have to find some kind of compromise, Rachel. If at the end of the month, if she lost a certain amount of stickers, we can take away her video games and that could be included in rewarding her, by having her earn them back," he suggested. "Lorelai's right, ever since I started having Shelby work in the diner and earn her allowance, she's shown me she has an excellent work ethic. Shelby loves working for money to buy new video games, and if Shelby's motivated by praise and rewards, then who's to say we shouldn't work with that?"

Holding one hand on her camera and the other on her side, Rachel stared over at him, going into thought. Finally, she accepted. "Okay, if you think this'll work, we'll give it a try. I have my break in an hour, we can discuss things then if you want, and I can go buy supplies so we can make a sticker chart."

"Woah," Luke held up a hand. "Let's wait until we shared this with Shelby, maybe let her decide what kind of stickers to use, and the kind of rewards to give her. If we work towards something Shelby would like or want, it'll make things easier for her to stay on track."

"That's a good point, I'll give you that. I'll see you in an hour then."

"Okay." Luke smiled in satisfaction.

They met during Rachel's break and discussed what Lorelai suggested of the two. Possibly if Rachel did put in more effort, making sacrifices, maybe Shelby would see that and finally see her mom was willing to do anything she needed to do, just like Luke was doing. During the phone call to Madison, she pointed out how kids could adapt to anything that was thrown at them, whether good or bad. That was what helped Luke go through with this, hoping Shelby would be willing. In fact, he knew she could. After everything thrown at the kid and how much she reminded him of himself as a kid around her age, Shelby was capable. It just meant they had to raise her confidence in herself. That was also something Luke struggled with, as well. Sure he could easily raise his daughter's confidence, but raising his own? That wasn't any easier and even though he loved and felt proud Shelby looked up to him as her hero, including sharing certain traits, Luke didn't want her having all of his traits.

By the time her break was over, both Luke and Rachel discussed different possibilities to suggest to Shelby when they sit down with her. It went better than Luke thought it would and let Rachel make suggestions he thought could work. Now it was time for the hard part: getting Shelby to agree. Considering she was still upset with her mom, Luke was almost positive Shelby will react negatively, just as Lorelai predicted she might.

At the end of the school day, Luke picked her up. It took all he could muster to tell her Rachel was coming by so the three could sit down and talk things out. Shelby tried refusing, but Luke tried his best to stick with this.

Rachel came by the diner while Luke was working and took her upstairs, where Shelby was in the middle of a game of Poker with Jess.

"Jess, can you excuse us for a minute?" he asked of him.

Ignoring Rachel as if she wasn't in the room, Jess said, "Sure." He and Shelby picked up his playing cards. "You're down to owing me ten bucks, Scout."

Shelby nodded.

Once the cards were back in their box, Jess stood up to leave.

"Jess, are you having Shelby play for money?" Luke questioned.

He shrugged. "Sure, why not? We started with gummy bears until she got the hang of the game."

Luke couldn't believe his nephew sometimes. "Jess, you can't make your cousin play for money." He hated having to have this conversation in front of Rachel.

"Hey, the kid originally owed me a hundred and twenty until we played a few more games."

It took a moment to let that sink in. "That doesn't matter, Jess. The point is..." Jess had been standing there, waiting for it to sink in, unmoved. When it finally did, it amazed Luke. "Shelby won a hundred and ten dollars playing you at Poker?"

"Yep. Didn't even need to go easy on her," he said. "'Course, it took her a while, hence why she owed a hundred and twenty, but..." Jess shrugged. "Should consider sneaking the kid into Atlantic City, sometime." That said, the boy walked away, grabbing his jacket on the way out.

"Can you believe that?" Rachel said, shaking her head.

With the surprise blown over, Luke turned to his daughter, leaning over to kiss the side of her head. "Proud of you, kiddo," he praised her. Knowing Shelby can win that much cash by beating her seventeen-year-old cousin at Poker, Luke knew one hundred percent Shelby could definitely overcome her fear of sleeping alone. Though, he noticed Rachel still shaking her head out of the corner of his eye. "Ready for our talk, Shell?" getting down to business.

Shelby shook her head.

Leaning his folded arms on the table to be more at her level, he reminded Shelby, "Remember what we talked about on the way home? We have to come up with a solution so we won't repeat what happened that night at your mom's and so you can be able to face your fear."

But Shelby continued to shake her head, stubbornly.

Moving to Shelby's other side, Rachel kneeled beside her chair. "I didn't enjoy having to do that to you, peanut. Even though it didn't actually hurt when you hit me, it still hurt in my heart." She touched a hand to her chest.

Shelby turned in her seat so her back was facing her mom.

"Shelby, that was rude. Your mom is talking to you," Luke told her, firm but gently. "Can you not turn away while we're talking? Lorelai shared some more ideas we think might help you." Maybe letting the kid know Lorelai was also involved would help her be open to the sticker chart if Shelby thought highly of the woman.

Shelby wrapped her arms around her, hugging herself as her chest heaved. Tears were filling up in her eyes.

"We're only trying to help, peanut," Rachel told her. "I know you think of your dad's as your home, but wouldn't it be nice if mine could be a home away from home?"

"Your mom has more time off from work than I do and would like to spend that time with you, and you could even spend school nights over there since your mom lives closer to the school," Luke explained to her. "We know how hard you work downstairs with me, so Lorelai suggested making a sticker chart..." With tears pouring from both eyes, Shelby slid off of her chair and tried to make her way over towards her bed. Luke held a hand out, wrapping it around her front to block her path. "Can you please hear us out, kiddo?"

She pushed against his hand, trying to break pass it. Since he wasn't holding onto her, Shelby moved away from his reach and continued walking over to her bed where she grabbed Pikachu and Maggie. Clutching both stuffed animals to her chest, Shelby crawled underneath, pushing Jess' bed out of the way, enough she could fit.

Once she was out of sight and he saw a corner of the extra bed move out from under hers a little, Luke turned his head to look over at Rachel, who had stood up. The parents exchanged a look between each other before Luke dropped his head, limp. Luke closed his eyes, knowing what he had to do, now leaning his hands on the table.

Taking a long, deep breath and letting it out, Luke stared at the table, mustering all he could to get the right words out. "You don't have to talk to us, right now if you don't want to, kiddo. You can come to us whenever you're ready. But in the meantime, there'll be no TV and no video games until then." A lump shot up in his throat and Luke found it hard to swallow. He managed after a few attempts.

The room was quiet while they waited to see if Shelby would come out. Five minutes went by before Luke realized he had to follow through. Pushing himself up, it nearly killed him as he made his way over to the TV, kneeling, and began unplugging the Nintendo 64 from both the wall and the back of the TV. Luke wrapped the cords around the console, unplugging the controllers in the process to make it easier. He then wrapped the controllers in their own cords, setting them on top of the console so he could carry it over to the closet, setting the console on the top shelf.

Luke looked back at his daughter's bed to see she still hadn't come out.

"Until you're ready and we've discussed what needs to be said, the Nintendo stays in the closet, kiddo." Another lump came up forcing him to swallow once more. Nothing. No movement whatsoever. "I'm sorry we have to handle things this way, Shell. Your mom and I are only doing this because we love you." He had to inhale, blowing it back out under his breath, trying to stay tough and not cave. Every fiber of his being wanted to quit and stick to the original plan he had told her a week ago. In order to help Shelby, he knew he couldn't. Holding his hands on his sides, Luke stared at the floor, waiting. Hoping, honestly.

Another five minutes went by before he and Rachel left Shelby alone, shutting the door behind them as Luke reminded her to let him know whenever she was ready, again. Out in the hall, Rachel turned to face him, crossing her arms lightly as she glanced at her feet.

"I know this is hard, Luke, but this is exactly where we were when we explained about our break-up, and Shelby ended up being just fine then," she reminded him.

"Please," he held a hand up to her. "Just go. I'll call you when Shelby's ready."

Rachel looked at him, sideways. "You won't back out and cave after I'm gone, right?"

"I said, leave, Rachel," he told her, firmly, but managed not to raise his voice.

Without another word, Rachel turned and headed down the stairs.

Luke turned and dropped back against the wall, holding his hands on his sides again. He glanced up at the ceiling, immediately dropping it while closing his eyes. It took the strength of Hercules not to go back in there and give Shelby back her Nintendo 64. Luke wasn't a praying man, nor was he really sure if there really was a God or not. Still, he couldn't help catch himself praying under his breath.

"Let this work. Please, let this work."