Chapter Thirty-Eight: Blood-Like Tears
The two set off on their journey toward Bradley's townhouse, the first few minutes of which coated with awkward glances and silence on both ends. The wind seemingly relented as they made their way down the snow and sand covered sidewalk. The sound of the ice being crushed beneath their shoes was able to be heard as the whipping and howling of the gales calmed to but a hushed whisper in their ears.
Bradley pulled his face from the inside of his jacket, getting a breath of fresh winter air into his lungs. As he exhaled, his breath was clearly visible under the sterile white light of the LEDs above them.
Kachi snuck a glance at the ram while he walked, his hands balled tightly into fists and buried deep into pockets. He resisted his urges to display the frustration he felt, the urges to bear his fangs and to growl. Why is it so hard to talk to him? He thought.
He had to come up with something. It was the whole reason he'd even agreed to go with him. If he didn't say anything, he'd just come off as the awkward canine he'd always been. Conversely, if he opted to speak, he feared talking about the one thing they had in common, the thing that joined them together forever.
Finally, as he felt his claws pierce his palms, he'd had it. It was no longer the time for silence, and as long as he had Bradley alone, they were gonna talk. Clearing his throat, he turned to face the ram, his face filled with determination, "So, what's been going on with you?" he asked quickly.
Oh yeah, real smooth… Idiot.
Bradley let out a short chuckle followed by a sigh, "Since the tree-lighting? Not much…" the smile on his face dissipated, "My dad and I's relationship is becoming more strained as he realizes he can't keep hold of me forever," he added, keeping his eyes forward.
Kachi looked away from the ram, "Woah, I—I'm sorry to hear that," he replied, trying to be sympathetic.
Bradley shook his head, giving Kachi a dismissive wave with his left hand, "Nah. Really, it's for the best. He needs to know that I'm fine on my own, that I can take care of myself, y'know? Even after what happened."
After what happened...
Kachi glanced over to Bradley. The gash on his cheek was still visible, though it had faded a little in the time he'd been away. He only imagined that the bite marks on his shoulder were still there as well. As he pictured them in his head, he was transported back to the night he administered them. The ferrous taste of the ram's blood still lingered in his mouth even all those months later.
It disgusted him. A wave of nausea washed over him, and he lifted his arm to cover his mouth as he disguised his gags as coughs. The sudden fit startled Bradley. He lifted a hand, placing it on Kachi's back, "Hey, you alright?" he asked.
Kachi nodded, "Yeah…I inhaled a snowflake…I'm fine," he said between coughs.
The canine finally lowered his arm as he regained composure. The thought had disappeared, at least for the moment. Seeing that Kachi wasn't about to keel over next to him, Bradley let out a chuckle, taking back his hand, "Okay, good. Can't have you dying on me out here."
Kachi returned with a chuckle of his own, "No…" A short silence passed between the two as they passed over a crosswalk, "Well, I'm not sure if you heard, but I've pseudo-moved out of Nevers Road as well." Kachi caught a glimpse of Bradley's expression from the corner of his eye; a look of surprise, "I just couldn't handle being there anymore knowing my mom spent so much time lying to me."
Bradley winced, "Yeah, that's rough…" he commented.
"It wasn't a good place, and it just so happened that once I found out the truth, I had another place to go…I should consider myself lucky…" Kachi continued.
Bradley put a comforting hand on Kachi's shoulder, "Hey, that's good. It's always good to be in a place that isn't bearing down on you that way…" his voice trailed off as he pulled his eyes away from the canine, "Makes me wish I could hurry up and move out. I'm sick of being held under my dad's thumb and being treated like a child. Like, fuck's sake, I'm twenty years old. I can get by on my own."
Kachi was surprised at the ram's willingness to speak his mind. In fact, he was a bit envious of him. How he was able to process his thoughts into words to be spoken aloud baffled him, and though he wasn't exactly ready to share himself, he wished he could simply make sense of the supercell in his mind.
Instead, Kachi steered the conversation in another direction, "Yeah…hey, random question: how did you find out about my dad's gym? I never took you as someone who was interested in boxing," he asked, trying not to appear dismissive or unreceptive to Bradley's concerns.
Thankfully, the ram seemed more than happy to change the subject as well. He shrugged, "Iunno, I wasn't interested in boxing before. It started out as something I said to get Dad off my back. I told him about a gym I saw down the road, and that I'd join it if he'd be a little less restrictive. You couldn't imagine my shock when he agreed. The first lessons dragged on a bit, but after a few weeks, I really started to like it," he explained.
Kachi nodded along as he listened, another crosswalk passing them by, "It's not a bad thing to take up. Keeps you fit and you have some way to fight if you…need to," he commented, his voice trailing off.
"Yeah. Keeps my dad happy, too," he added, rolling his eyes, "but it's not like he's been keeping up his end of the deal, though…" Kachi kept his eyes away from Bradley, prompting him to continue the conversation himself, "Y'know, I did have a thought the first few times I met your dad."
Kachi's ears stood straight up, "Really?"
Bradly nodded feverishly, "Yeah. I thought to myself 'hey, he looks a lot like Kachi,' but I just couldn't put two and two together. I guess it made sense in my head, knowing what I did at the time."
Kachi chuckled, "Yeah, I felt the same way. Like, really, the same way," he said, the smile disappearing from his face once again.
The two continued their walk in silence as they arrived at another intersection. As the snowy concrete of the sidewalk shifted to icy black asphalt, Bradley looked up from the ground to see that they'd nearly made it to their destination. Glancing to the street name suspended by overhead wires, he tapped Kachi on the shoulder, "Ah, this is my street. We'll cross and go left," he stated.
Kachi looked up to the street sign, reading the name of the street. He then looked left. Just as Bradley had told him, a row of townhouses lined the street on both sides. As they began to cross the final street, Kachi looked over his shoulder, seeing they'd only walked five blocks. The light from the inside of the gym was pouring out onto the street some distance away, cementing just how close he and Bradley had been the whole time he'd been there.
"Oh. We didn't walk that far, did we? You're pretty close to the gym," commented Kachi.
As they reached the other side of the street and turned left, Bradley shook his head, "Yeah. Super convenient." They took a few steps down the street toward the row of townhouses, "It's not too far from the crossing, in fact, I can see it from here," he added, pointing down the road.
Following his finger, Kachi found what Bradley was pointing at. In the distance, about fifty meters, was the unmistakable rear-end of Chris' company truck. One that he'd stared at countless times from the big bay window back on Nevers Road. A chill shot through his body, "Ah, right."
As the townhouse with the truck parked in front of it drew nearer, the feeling of nausea returned to his stomach twofold. No longer did he taste the phantom blood of his victim, but his agonizing over the possibilities of what could happen should the elder ram find them together again made his stomach turn. He recalled Chris' hysterical reaction at seeing Bradley with Legosi. He figured it only got worse from there.
Sapporo was quiet that Sunday evening. Perhaps too quiet. Normally, sounds of traffic could be heard from anywhere in the city, but everything seemed frozen in time as he took his first step onto the property. A hushed ringing in his ear began as he walked up the stone path to the steps leading to the front door. It only got louder as he and Bradley came to a stop. He couldn't deny it, he was scared.
As his vision faded in and out, he took to Bradley's bright blue eyes to keep him steady. The ram offered him a toothy grin as he leaned upon the wooden railing of the porch, "Well, uh, thanks for walking with me…guess I'll be seeing you, then," he stated.
As Bradley reached for the door handle, a force beyond Kachi's control compelled him. Through his blurred vision and muffled hearing, the guilt he felt pierced through it all. He couldn't let Bradley get away. Not when he was just so close. He reached out and gripped the ram's wrist, causing him to jump.
"Hey!" he shouted, Bradley looking over his shoulder. Kachi's eyes were wider than he's ever seen them, and against the moon behind him, they were just as bright. Though they'd only been walking, he appeared to be short of breath. The ram relinquished grip on the handle, turning his body to face the canine.
By letting go of the handle he knew he was risking it all. His dad was just beyond that door waiting for him, and if he caught wind of the canine being anywhere near the townhouse, there's no telling what he'd do. Every fiber of his being was telling him to ignore Kachi and go inside, but the look of pure desperation in the dark blue eyes across from him told him no. He let out a shaky breath, allowing his hands to fall to his sides.
Taking the short silence as a cue, Kachi spoke back up. "I know I never got the chance to, but for what it's worth, even at this point, I want to say I'm sorry. For attacking you…for splitting the family…for ruining everything!" he shouted, his voice breaking.
Bradley stared at him in disbelief, his hands finding their way into each other. Their eye contact was broken quickly, Bradley looking off to the side as he tried to find something to say. Seeing the ram avert his eyes, Kachi figured he was losing him. The short burst of confidence he found had been spent, and all that remained was a darkened ball of self-loathing deep within his conscience.
A dejected sigh left the canine's lips as he also looked away, "I don't know why I'm doing this. I don't even care if you don't forgive me, or you hate me. I've just been holding onto it for so long…I needed to say it," he concluded as he rubbed his upper arm.
After a horrible silence filled with worry, Bradley finally turned his gaze back to Kachi. His eyes were just as wide as before, and his jaw hung open, as if a reply to his apology was on the tip of his tongue.
As the moonlight shone over the canine's shoulder, the ram's pristine white wool shimmered and shifted, the light breeze flowing gently around each strand. Bradley finally lowered his arms, his shoulders slumping slightly.
"Uh, I-," he stammered, still struggling to find the right words. Finally, he gave up, deciding just to speak his mind, "I'm glad you had the courage to do that. It does mean something, don't get me wrong, but…you know I can't just forgive you, right? What would that say about me?" Kachi's expression fell, "It's good that you're regretful, you recognized your faults…Look, I don't want to leave you on a sour note. I accept your apology, but I just…can't fully forgive you. Does that make sense?"
Kachi looked up from the ice-covered wood below him, seeing the confused expression on the ram's face. He shrugged, "I guess as much sense as me apologizing to you after I nearly killed you makes, eh?" he asked, putting his hands into the pockets of his coat.
Bradley scoffed, a smile returning to his face, "Yeah. Even still, we can move past this. I know you won't do it again; it just isn't you." He glanced quickly over his shoulder toward the door, "Once I get out of this stupid townhouse and get my own place, and if you do end up moving in with your dad, we'll see each other all the time."
"Yeah…" replied Kachi softly.
Bradley kicked idly at the ice beneath his shoes, remaining silent. Kachi looked the ram over, knowing that he should have said more. But then again, what else did he really have to say? He'd already given his apology, and he and Bradley had come somewhat to terms over it, officially putting the whole incident behind him.
As the silence grew longer, it seemed that Bradley had finally caught on to the canine's speechlessness, "Uh, hey. You remember when I ran off with your wolf friend last week?" he began. Kachi nodded, tilting his head to the side, "Well, I don't know if this'll help very much, but I'll just tell you what I told him. He was just as confused as you are right now that I still wanted to associate with you."
Before Kachi could express his confusion, Bradley quickly cut him off, "Now, I promise there's a method to my madness…The truth is, and I'm sure deep down you know this too…it wasn't all your fault," he continued.
Kachi's ears fell flat, "What?"
Bradley nodded, "Yeah, you heard that right. I have to take partial responsibility. I had a lot of time to think after you attacked me, and to keep it brief, I realized that I'd pushed you to do it. I abused you and you'd snapped." A sheepish grin made its way onto the ram's face as he put his hands into his pockets, "Honestly. Rightfully so. Who knows what I'd be if I didn't get a reality check?"
Kachi was floored, his jaw hung open wide, "What? Are you alright? You're chalking up what I did to you as a reality check!" he growled, lifting his hands to his head.
Bradley shook his head, holding his arms up in a defensive position, "Well, in a way, yeah. I never would have gotten out of that despicable habit of mine. Ever since, I've been living a lot better. I've been keeping up with responsibility, I've been taking care of myself. I guess what that night taught me was that life is truly fragile at best."
"I-"
"Though, it did hurt, and I did hate my life for a few weeks, really, it's a net positive. I…I really should be thanking you," Bradley concluded, a gentle smile coming to rest upon his lips.
Kachi stared, pure disbelief still coating his face. Tears began rolling down his cheeks, the trails they left cooling rapidly in the night air and leaving his face cold. The words Bradley spoke were just what he needed. Though it wasn't acceptance, it was almost better…Bradley understood.
A smile found its way onto Kachi's face, "You're insane, you know that?" he said.
The ram flashed him a toothy grin, "Well, maybe you gotta be a little crazy to make it in this world. It's a dangerous place out there, but why let that stop me?" Bradley pulled away from Kachi's gaze, looking up the street at the city beyond. Kachi followed his eyes, "What's the point if I'm gonna shelter myself?"
Kachi didn't even know why he was crying. He'd reconciled his differences, and there was even a smile on his face, "I guess. I- Thank you…" he managed to say, trying to keep his voice steady.
Bradley's smile persisted, "Not a problem. We may not be it anymore, but, at least by word, you're still my brother, okay?"
Feeling his emotions swell, Kachi gritted his teeth and lunged forward, pulling the ram into a tight hug. His breath hitched in his throat as he felt the canine's arms wrap around his torso, but he quickly relaxed, returning the embrace in spades.
They stood on the porch for a few moments, the light breeze passing them by as they held each other. Kachi did his best to keep the tears at bay, even though one or two still slipped by. For the moment, with the one he hurt in his arms and a figurative weight having been lifted from his shoulders, everything seemed just fine.
A noise from behind caused both boys to jump. Kachi's eyes snapped open, and through the few tears that remained in them, he watched as the door to the townhouse crept open. He and Bradley quickly pulled away from each other, his eyes not leaving the doorway.
Kachi's breathing picked up again as Bradley turned to look over his shoulder. The door had opened completely, and from the darkened interior emerged a snow-white Dall sheep, his eyes sunken into his head and positively fuming.
Bradley's smile had since dissipated to a scowl as soon as his gaze came to rest upon his father. Seeing the aggression between Bradley and Chris, and between Chris and himself, Kachi took a few steps back, "Dad, what are you doing?" spat Bradley.
"You were supposed to be inside ten minutes ago," stated Chris dryly, his expression unchanging.
Bradley crossed his arms over his chest, "I was here. On the porch. Didn't you see?"
Chris' brows folded, a scowl of his own forming on his face, "Yeah, I did. Through the window there," he stated, pointing to the window to his right. He then shifted his attention to the canine over his son's shoulder, his gaze piercing right through Kachi, "Why is he here?"
Bradley quickly caught on to what Chris was doing. He took a step to his left, cutting off the elder ram's view of the canine, "He walked me home. I asked him to. Because he's my friend," he explained.
Chris shook his head slowly, "You know how I feel about you spending time with carnivores, Brad…especially him!" he said, raising his voice as he pointed a finger over his son's shoulder. "Your devil-may-care attitude is going to get you killed."
Bradley scoffed, rolling his eyes, "No, it won't. And how could you possibly know that? You spend so much time indoors that I'm surprised you still know what a carnivore is!" he argued, leaning in close to Chris' face.
"Bradley. Get in the house," said Chris through gritted teeth.
"No. I'd rather freeze than spend another night in your paranoid delusion chamber," the younger ram's expression softened, "Dad, you need help. You can't function in the world if you keep barricading yourself from things that won't hurt you," he argued.
Chris' eyes widened suddenly, "How am I supposed to know that he's not here to finish us both off?" he shouted, the veins in his neck bulging.
"I just spent thirty minutes walking and talking with him and not once did he express the desire to hurt, or maim, or devour, or kill me." Bradley pressed an index finger firmly into Chris' chest, "You are a maniac, Dad. You're a maniac and I won't stand for it anymore!"
Chris' rage only worsened, "The fuck did you just call me?"
Bradley feigned confusion, "What? A maniac, Dad. You need me to spell it out for you? I'm done. No more of this. I'm calling Mom first thing tomorrow morning. I think I'm gonna go see her in Osaka for awhile. Oh, and consider this my two weeks. I quit," spat Bradley, venom coating every word.
The elder ram's expression quickly switched to one of worry, "Brad! You can't leave! You'll die out there," he pleaded.
Bradley gave him a dismissive wave, "Oh, shut it. Get some help, Dad. You're clearly in over your head with this whole carnivore thing." As he finished his sentence, Bradley reached into his coat pocket and fetched his phone. He scrolled idly through his contact list as his father continued to try for his attention.
As Bradley lifted the device to his ear, Chris shifted his icy gaze over to Kachi, who was still frozen at the far end of the porch. His eyes were filled with nothing but spite and vitriol, "This is your fault," he said, his voice low.
Understandably confused, Kachi tilted his head, "What?"
"It's your fault," Chris repeated, "He's changed. I can barely recognize him."
Picking up on what the elder ram was saying, Kachi quickly became frustrated, "Are you kidding me? You hated him before, and by the sounds of it, you still do. Yeah, he's changed; for the better!"
Chris' scowl intensified as Kachi swore he began to hear the Dall growl. He'd never heard a sheep growl before, and if he were to be honest, it was kind of pathetic. Even still, it was enough to get a response, as Kachi returned the scowl.
As they stared each other down, a string of concerning movements came from the ram. He gripped the doorframe with his left hand while his right disappeared behind his back. His nails dug into the wood as his pitiful growl continued, increasing in volume until it came to sudden stop, "It's all your fault!"
Just as he finished shouting, a silver glimmer struck Kachi's eye as Chris pulled his hand back out into view. Clutched tightly in his closed fist, what appeared to be a kitchen knife, and a long one at that. Kachi's heartrate skyrocketed as the ram used the doorframe as leverage to leap outward and straight toward him.
In his efforts to get to Kachi, he plowed through his son, knocking him forward. The phone flew from his hands, landing somewhere in the snow below the porch as Bradley stumbled, losing his balance and striking his head on the wooden railing. He keeled over, gripping his head as he seethed.
Seeing the blade sailing toward him, Kachi tried to step back to avoid it. The attack missed him narrowly; he felt the drag created by the flying blade rush past him as he stepped. The canine inhaled sharply as he felt himself lose his footing. There was no more porch for him to back up to, and with his other foot quickly losing grip, the canine soon found himself tumbling backward down the stairs.
With his attack having missed, and with nothing to grab onto, Chris soon found himself losing balance as well. He swiftly joined Kachi in falling, making a point to keep the knife pointed away from himself as he tucked and rolled.
Once he was certain he was no longer in motion, Kachi quickly scrambled to his feet, keeping his back to the street as he tried to keep as much distance between himself and Chris as possible. The ram in question wasn't too far, and with more room on the stone path, Chris took it as the perfect opportunity to go in for the kill once more.
Kachi continued to narrowly avoid the blade's strike, feeling the breeze each swing created getting closer and closer to his head and neck. With tears flowing freely again, Kachi tried to remain calm, "Stop! Stop it!" he begged.
Chris didn't respond. In fact, hearing the canine's voice only served to irritate him even more. In turn, the ram increased the attack's frequency and speed, sacrificing strength to hopefully land at least one hit on Kachi.
Instinctively, Kachi bore his fangs to the ram and began to growl. It was a normal response to being threatened and was meant to signal that he was ready to become aggressive. As much as his body wanted to retaliate, Kachi forced himself to remain in harm's way.
He knew he could easily take Chris on, though if he were to counterattack in any way, the damage he could do to him would be much more severe than anything Chris was capable of with his knife, "Back off!" Kachi shouted, his anger beginning to surface.
Tears continued to stream down his face. Tears of anger. He didn't want to be crying in that moment, because he knew Chris had caught on. Like carnivores to blood, herbivores perceive the tears of a carnivore as a sign of weakness, letting them know they an opportunity to flee or to fight back. In this instance, Chris had chosen to fight.
Through gritted teeth, the ram's voice strained, "I'll make you pay for the scars you've made!" he said, pointing to the gashes on his face.
As Kachi considered his words, the ram lunged forward suddenly, giving him almost no time to react. The canine tried the same strategy that had been working the whole time, but he was just too slow off the line. The tip of the blade caught Kachi across his left cheek, creating a lengthy gash that went from the base of his ear all the way to his jaw.
Where he'd been struck instantly began feeling warmer as blood rushed to the open wound. It seeped from the cut, mixing with the tears that had been flowing steadily since the assault began. They continued to flow as Kachi realized that Chris' little prophecy had come true. With the cut, he now had a gash on his face, just like the ones he'd given to him and Bradley.
Over Chris' shoulder, atop the porch, Kachi made out some movement. Bradley had slowly picked himself up from the ground, holding his hand to his head where it had struck the railing. Seeing the commotion in the front yard, Bradley wasted no time in rushing over, no longer concerned about the phone call he'd just abandoned.
Kachi watched as Bradley hopped down the entire set of stairs, landing on the stone walkway below. He then continued down the path, sprinting toward them at a breakneck pace. Bradley changed direction at the last second, running around Chris' right and tackling him into the snow-filled front yard. Chris cried out, surprised by the sudden impact.
The two rolled around in the snow for a few seconds. With his free hand, Chris sent a few punches Bradley's way, each one hitting him in the jaw. As another one sailed toward him, he leaned back, the arm missing him and allowing him to grip the forearm and pin it to the ground.
The hand with the knife was another story. Chris didn't send a single swipe in Bradley's direction with it, instead he simply sat there, almost allowing him to pin the second arm down. Kachi watched, more tears streaming down his face. Even through all the anger, he didn't want to hurt his son, not with the blade.
Bradley gripped the handle of the knife, taking it from his father and throwing it as far as he could into one of the neighbor's yards. Successfully disarmed, Chris was no longer a threat to Kachi, but he couldn't tell his adrenaline-filled body to stop growling.
"Kachi! Run home, now!" he shouted frantically, his father struggling to break free from beneath him. Kachi didn't need to be told twice. He nodded, quickly turning his back and disappearing in a dead sprint down the road and into the night.
Kachi kept his pace up the entire way back to the gym. He nearly slipped on the sidewalk as he slowed himself down to grab the door handle of the first door. He clambered up the stairs, finally arriving at the door to his father's apartment. He barged in, slamming it shut behind him. His heavy breaths echoed in the quiet apartment as both Legosi and Shen looked in his direction.
Normally, after being outside in the cold, the warmth would have been more than welcome, but it only served to accentuate the pain he felt not just on his cheek, but throughout his entire body. In that rare instance, Kachi would have preferred to remain cold.
"Hey," said Kachi, his voice raspy.
From the kitchen, Shen continued to attend to the skillet he was using to prepare dinner. The dim light in the living room prevented him from seeing anything, and that was on top of Kachi's black fur already making it difficult, "Why do you look so out of breath? Did you run all the way back? You weren't gonna miss dinner if that's what you were worried about," he stated.
Kachi clenched his jaw shut tight, forcing the sobs growing in his throat back down. He swallowed hard, shaking his head as tears flowed even faster, "No, that's not what I was worried about. I did run all the way back though," he managed.
Shen's eyes narrowed. It instantly became clear to the younger canine that he wasn't doing a good job keeping himself together. The pain in his chest continued to grow as his father left the stove and approached him, turning on the living room light, "Kachi, are you crying? What-" As the light cascaded over him, his cheek glistened, "You're bleeding," he observed.
At his observation, Kachi let out a shaky sigh. He was losing control and he was losing it fast. He struggled to keep a straight face, "I know. I walked Bradley home and when we got there, we talked for a bit, and then his Dad came out…He got upset and then h-he…" Kachi inhaled sharply, gritting his teeth and shutting his eyes. Control was gone, "He attacked me!" he shouted, collapsing into his father's arms.
Acting quickly, Shen caught his son, kneeling and pulling him into a tight embrace. Sobs echoed throughout the room, Kachi shaking as he held onto his father for support. He buried his face into Shen's shoulder, letting everything that he'd been holding onto go free. As he cried, his face stung as the tears continued to mix with the blood still seeping from the gash. Hearing the distressing sounds, Legosi limped over as fast as his injured leg could carry him and joined in holding the distressed canine.
Shen pulled away first, holding his son by the upper arms as he looked into his tear-filled eyes. Kachi lazily wiped his face as he tried to make eye contact, "What? Bradley's dad attacked you? Why?" Shen asked, desperate for an answer.
Kachi took a few breaths, trying to steady himself, "I think it was for what I did to him and Bradley…He pounced at me with a knife and tried to kill me! He only got my cheek, but he almost hit my neck so many times. I had to try so hard not to fight back, even though everything was screaming at me telling me I should!" he shouted, the sobs returning in full force.
Shen proceeded to pet his son's head, stroking the fur gently as he tried to calm him down, "You would have been completely justified in fighting back, Kachi. He attacked first. It's self defense." Shen continued to feel Kachi's body shiver against his own, prompting him to hug him tighter.
"No one would believe that…" said Kachi between breaths. Shen opened his mouth to argue, but he couldn't come up with anything. The altercation was between a carnivore and an herbivore. If reported, the authorities would have certainly sided with the latter. The elder wolf sighed as he continued to hold his son.
The embrace finally ended once Shen realized that there was still food on the stove. Though reluctant, he pulled away, watching as Kachi wiped his eyes with the sleeves of his sweater again. On the left sleeve, mixed in with the tears, were little droplets of blood.
Even with all the comfort he'd been given, his limbs still shook with adrenaline, or was it fear? Either way, Kachi found himself unable to calm down, his thoughts clouded with nothing but dark thoughts. It had never been as bad as it was then, not even during his short stay on Nevers Road. Sobs continued to escape him, though much quieter than before.
I'm just lying to myself now…'I don't think of death,' yeah, right. It consumes you now. Fuck, I should have let him kill me. Just get it over with quicker. God knows I deserve it. How could I be so stupid? Thinking I could apologize to him without this happening.
Kachi lifted a hand to his cheek, running it over the still open wound. Blood collected on his fingertips. He let out a shaky sigh; the sight of his own blood had become all too common.
If only I'd reacted slower…then maybe…I wouldn't have to feel this way anymore. I want it to be over. Fuck, I just want it to be over!
Kachi looked up to see his father standing in the kitchen entrance, "So, I take it you aren't very hungry, then?" he asked dejectedly. Kachi only gave a solitary shake of his head as a response, fearing an inability to keep from crying should he open his mouth again, "Okay. How about you go have a nice shower and take it easy tonight then. Does that sound nice?" Kachi nodded.
Except it didn't. Being alone with his thoughts was the last thing he wanted, but he still preferred it over talking. He slowly shuffled down the hall toward the first bedroom, leaving Shen and Legosi alone in the living room.
The tear started right back up again as he closed the door. He finally unclenched his jaw, a wavering breath escaping his lips as he pulled his blue hoodie over his head. Once the garment was off him, he took another look at the left sleeve, the blood having begun to dry. He tossed the sweater onto the bed in a short fit of frustration before he allowed himself to collapse into the computer chair.
In the light of the desk lamp provided, Kachi rested his arms on the desk's surface. Though hidden by the fur, the scars were still plainly visible to him, each one pulsing with every beat of his heart. The pain in his chest and throat was stronger than ever before.
He wasted no time burying his claws into his forearm and tearing back with tremendous force, creating gashes longer and deeper than any before them. The moment he pulled his hand away, three new cuts began leaking blood at twice the rate any other did.
Kachi growled as the pain hit him. Though it stung worse than anything, it almost felt good. It was a release of sorts, allowing all of his pent-up resentment and self-loathing to leave him all at once. The low, bubbling growl continued as he repeated the same steps on his other arm. It seared, almost burned him, but as he tensed up, he almost felt his lips curl into a smile.
His body ached, but the cuts on his arms pulled him away from that. His reflection stared back at him in the computer screen, but the rapidly pooling blood on the desk surface pulled him away. He rested his head on the table as he began to feel lightheaded and dizzy. The cuts on his arms radiated heat outward, warming the cold he felt inside.
As he struggled to remain conscious, Kachi spotted something resting just behind the monitor. In his weakened state, he lazily reached out toward it, gripping the item tightly in his right hand and pulling it under the light.
Seeing it clearly, it was a dusty old notebook, complete with a pen. Curiosity getting the better of him, he opened it, only to be surprised that there was nothing written within it. His hand made its way over to the pen, clicking end down and watching as the tip appeared.
He drew a few little squiggles on the paper, making sure that the pen was still usable. The black ink stained the page, the shapes Kachi drew appearing just as he'd made them. An empty, presumably forgotten book, paired with a pen that functioned.
His mind swirled with thoughts, too many to keep track of at once. As soon as one showed up, it vanished, replaced by one completely unrelated. The scattered nature of his thought process was beginning to frustrate him. A shaky sigh left him as he gritted his teeth..
He opened to a fresh page in the book, gripping the pen tightly in his right hand. A small amount of blood had stained the page from where it contacted the cuts on his arm, but he didn't care. He pressed the pen to the page, writing the first words of an entry with an unknown length.
~A Quick Author's Note~
Since AO3 is my new main platform, I implore you to look for me over there. I have some new content coming that will not be posted here. Thanks for reading.
