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Chapter 33: Darkness Wakes

The next night was a great success for Carlotta and the cast. She easily surpassed my performance and was an enchanting Countess, taking us on her comical martial journey. I easily smiled and blushed in response to her coquettishness as I switched from her maid to lover behind her husband's back. She was playful and sweet, making you want to cheer for her despite her character's flaws. The curtains were drawn close and then reopened as we took our bows. She earned a standing ovation at the curtain call and flowers were strewn about the stage for her. She was surprisingly humble and graciously gesturing toward the cast to come forward and share her triumph. The curtain closed and she turned to the cast, congratulating them on their performances. She kept a few flowers for herself but distributed the rest among the actors and dancers. The overlooked ballerinas were enchanted with their flowers. I saw Piangi pushing his way through her admirers waiting outside her dressing room to get to her side as I made my way to my dressing room at the end of the hall.

I closed the door and my eyes fell on the full pitcher of water and the basin I had requested Jean to bring to my room. I brought the pitcher first and then the basin behind the screen. Changing out of my page boy costume I was careful to drape it on the far edge of the screen, fearful I might splash on it. Fearing I might miss Erik again, I made haste in giving myself a sponge bath behind the dressing screen in addition to removing my stage makeup. I used a cloth to dry myself and then I pulled the dress I had chosen earlier in the evening from where I had draped it over the screen. I had selected my favorite gown, a plain lavender grey dress with bits of hand embroidery at the neckline. Erik had tried to put me in lavish, ornate gowns which I eschewed in favor of the simple, durable, softer cottons.

"Erik?" I called. " I am almost ready, " As I twisted my hair up into a low bun. There was no reply. I waited, restless for him and Erik did not come. It was up to me. I struck a match and the flame on the candle of my lantern danced before my eyes.

I know I was being impatient but I had to see him. I was tired of waiting for him to make a move. I didn't care that he hadn't responded to my notes. I dressed taking the warm cloak he had gifted me. I had a lantern, back up candle and matches. I looked around the room. I honestly did not know what else I should bring. I needed to stop delaying and go. I clicked the switch and hesitated as I took in the impenetrable blackness of the passage. I needed to go, to not lose my nerve, and speak with Erik. I entered the darkness with trepidation, the mirror clicked into place and I felt swallowed up. The sound of my steps echoed in the corridor. I longed for the comfort of Erik, he kept the darkness at bay. I held the lantern low as I descended watching my step. I recalled the fall from before and shuddered. I had kept to the right whenever a passage presented itself as Erik had told me long ago. I came to a dead end. What had I done wrong? I retraced my steps until the juncture presented itself. I turned left, hopefully heading back the way I had come. I came to another passage on my left. My left was my right now. I began down the corridor.

After a long period of time, the sound of water became more distinct. I became excited, increasing my pace, I was drawing near the lake. Then my foot failed to strike the ground and I was falling. I screamed, startled, clawing about for purchase, having lost the lantern when I lost my footing. The air left my lungs, ending my terrified scream, while I still continued to plunge into the darkness. Then I pierced the surface of the icy water, I was pulled deep in the chilling blackness but then my buoyancy pushed me to the surface and I gasped for air. With the skirts I found to my dismay, I couldn't tread water as my feet tangled in the cloth and I sank below the surface once more. I can't die. I clawed at my throat until I was able to unclasp my cloak that was dragging me under. Calm down, relax I told myself. Don't make this worse. I pulled at my heavy skirts trying to find a way under my dress to access my petticoats and untie them. It was to no avail and I felt myself being pulled under once more. Maybe I could float? I twisted about spreading my limbs horizontal trying to keep to the surface.

Once I calmed down I settled for floating on my back in the inky blackness, at least my head was above the water and I could breathe without fear the water would lap over my head. I hated the dark and I feared some creature would pull me down into the abyss. I was a fool to try to visit his house on the lake. My eyes failed to penetrate the darkness while I drifted on the current. My fingers and toes began to burn and I wiggled them to keep the blood flowing to them while I fought hypothermia. I needed to take action. I decided to paddle with the current and sing, in the hope that Erik would hear me as my voice bounced off the walls to him. I tried to remember where the current would take me. Erik hadn't talked to me about it so I tried to access my memory of the opera house and the little I knew of it from the tour descriptions I had read before deciding upon the Escape. Oh why had I done this. The plan to just go to him seemed very foolish now that I might die. Surely I could have done something else instead. I resumed singing, calling to Erik with my voice.

I felt a numbness and sleepiness pulling at my conscience, while I persevered, my voice growing faint. The darkness began to feel like a blanket of comfort, like snow hiding the unsightly and harshness of an unfriendly landscape. Is this what Erik liked about the dark? Then I was startled awake, pulled roughly up and over the side of the boat. I landed abruptly in a wet heap at the bottom of the wooden boat, my limbs unable to aid me.

"Oh, my Angel." It was the voice of the one I held dear. He swung the lantern around momentarily, blinding me and I cast my eyes to the side, the light I had craved now causing me pain.

I was so cold and wet. Erik draped his cape over me but it did little to ease the cold. He rowed quickly and I felt the boat thump the shore. He pulled me to my feet, but I was ungainly and unable to stay erect, and I felt him lift me. "My Angel should not be in the dark, you hate the dark." I heard the sound of him sloshing as he waded to the shore.

He set me down on the settee, propped up against the side arm.. He left me while I blinked, adjusting to the light, to being here again. He returned and I saw him grasp my hand but I did not register his touch. "My Angel, you are so cold. You need to get out of your wet clothes. You can wrap yourself in these blankets." I lifted my hand to my dress but my fingers seemed unable to obey my mind and I looked up at him for help. He began to undo my dress, I felt like a snake shedding a skin as the wet clothing was peeled off of me. I retained my undergarments but I was so grateful to be divested of all the wet cold layers, especially the skirt and petticoats. Then he gently wrapped me in blanket after blanket. I still felt so very cold and numb.

Erik left me for a bit and then returned, hugging me to him. Then I heard the whistle of the tea kettle and he was absent from my side. I stared at the dancing flames before me. I would follow a flame as it swayed, growing, shrinking, wavering, and then another flame would catch my eye and I would track its progression. The return of sensation in my digits and limbs was painful, making me long for the inability to feel again. He returned, cup in hand. He reached out to hand me the cup and I tried to grasp it but my hold was weak and I faltered. He steadied my hand, aiding me to bring it to my lips. The contrasting warmth of the tea burned my chilled innards. I drank some more tea before drifting off to sleep huddled in his embrace as his voice sang to me as before. I never wanted to leave him.

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