Chapter 3
"My worst enemy is my memory."
Anonymous
Edward follows after me, carrying his own cup of coffee and pastry to my secluded little spot. As we sit down, an awkward silence builds between us, both waiting for the other to begin. His Adam's apple bobs slightly as clears his voice, then a familiar roguish smile spreads across his lips and I feel the awkwardness slowly slip away.
"It's really good to see you again, Leah," he takes a breath.
"You look good. All grown up."
I feel my cheeks heat at his words. Curling a few wayward locks of hair behind my right ear, I send him a small smile.
"You too, Edward. To be honest, I'm a little surprised to see you back here. Didn't you get some fancy scholarship to some Ivy League University?"
His smile widens, his head bobbing in agreement as he carefully lifts the flaky piece of pastry to his lips and takes a bite. I do the same, the sweet taste exploding in my mouth. Dear Lord, Bella is a magician. Edward muffles a moan, clearly enjoying our snack just as much as I am. My smile widens and I feel my body begin to relax.
"Stanford, yeah. I graduated with a minor in chemistry and a major in engineering."
Before I can stop them, I feel my eyebrows rise in shock, a reaction which clearly amuses Edward to no end. He releases a sharp laugh before reeling himself back in.
"Leah," he says pursing his lips in mock disappointment.
"Didn't your momma ever teach you not to judge a book by its cover. I didn't get that scholarship because of my jaw-dropping good looks or my ability to throw a football."
I shake my head and join his soft chuckle. Raising an eyebrow, I send him a look.
"Glad to see your opinion of yourself hasn't changed much in just over a decade," I tease and watch how his vibrant eyes dance with humor. Fond memories of Alice and I annoying her older brother like only little sisters can, flash in my mind. Teasing him like this feels nice and natural.
We both take a brief pause to drink and eat a little, before I eventually break the silence.
"Then what happened?" I ask, keeping my tone light.
Edward's emerald eyes flicker down to the table and he releases a sharp breath.
"After I got my degree, I told my Dad I wasn't coming home like I'd promised. This company had just offered me this incredible job and everything was clicking into place, you know. I didn't want to give it all up."
All I can do is nod my head in understanding.
"We argued. Dad really needed my help around the farm, but in the end he let me go. Telling me that I had to do what I thought was best."
Edward's eyes focus on the dark liquid in his cup, his expression one of deep regret.
"He died two years later of a heart attack."
My heartbeats stutter and I feel my stomach drop at his lifeless and to-the-point tone. Instinctively, I move one hand to cover his, willing as much comfort as possible in his direction. Deep within my chest, I feel a sharp ache begin to spread as my thoughts unwillingly shift towards that final conversation I ever had with my parents. An all-consuming, excruciating pain washes over me like a tsunami. It takes every ounce of self-control that I have to keep my expression neutral while my emotions wreck havoc inside of me. Swallowing the large lump that has suddenly appeared in my throat, I squeeze his hand.
"God, Edward, I'm so sorry for your loss."
He bobs his head once, his eyes still locked on the contents in his coffee cup. I make use of his obvious distraction and do what I can to calm myself down. When I first received the news of my parents' death, I'd just felt numb, then anger had quickly replaced it fueling my decision to come back, but this… this overwhelming agony of pain and regret, is not something I'm even remotely prepared to deal with, especially not in a public place and in front of a few old friends who I really don't know any more. I'm just about to bolt, when Edward slowly lifts his gaze, instantly sending a jolt of desperate longing through me. There shining through his sparkling, emerald eyes are traces of both grief and regret, however they're completely overshadowed by an immense sense of peace and acceptance. Before I can really begin to analyze my reaction, however, he continues with his tale.
"I moved back, partnered up with my Uncle Carlisle and his wife Esme and took over running the farm. It was pretty rough for a while, but after a few years I was able to make use of my degree and soon Cullen Ciders was born."
His lips curl into a small smile.
"Your Dad would have been really proud of you," I whisper.
This time he's the one to flip his hand over so that he can squeeze my hand to show his gratitude. His expression changes, revealing a hint of hesitation before he turns our conversation in a direction that I'm absolutely not ready for.
"I wasn't here when everything went down with you and your family, but I've worked pretty closely with your Dad over the years and-."
"Please, stop," I quickly interrupted him, tearing my hand away from his.
"Leah, they missed you terribly."
He doesn't relent, his eyes burning into mine, begging for me to listen, but I can't. I'm not ready to open that door to my past and I don't think I ever will be. Curling my arms protectively over my chest, I push my seat back to create a larger distance between us.
"Edward, don't."
Something in my tone causes Edward to hesitate and after a tense stare-down between the two of us, he eventually relents, raising both palms in front of him in surrender. I maintain my protective stance, watching him carefully as he tries to prove that he won't continue by popping the final piece of flaky pastry in his mouth and taking a slow sip of his coffee.
"I'm sorry," he says after a while, the tone of his voice contrite.
Unable to respond vocally, I simply shake my head.
"Have you been back at the farm?"
I notice his lack of the word "home".
Yet again, I shake my head.
"You're more than welcome to stay with us, Leah. I know my Mom would love to see you."
That large lump in my throat begins to grow again at his warm hospitality and kindness. Taking a breath, I force myself to give him an answer.
"I wasn't planning on staying, but thank you for the offer. I have an appointment with Jenks at two and then I figured I'd start driving back h-... back to Seattle."
Apparently, even I'm currently incapable of using the word "home".
Edward's expression is thoughtful as he continues to study my every move.
"You're going to put the farm up for sale, then?"
I bob my head in silent confirmation, trying to push away the sudden rush of guilt that's suddenly begun swelling up the pit of my stomach. Edward releases a deep sigh and averts his gaze, clearly disagreeing with my decision. For some reason I feel my eyes burn with tears at just the thought of disappointing him, or anyone else for that matter. Blinking rapidly, I fix my eyes on the remaining piece of pastry on my plate, my stomach rolls uncomfortably. Clearing my throat, I force myself to respond.
"I don't belong here, Edward, I never did. I have a good life in Seattle, one I've built with my own bare hands."
My voice shakes and I quickly clear my throat a second time.
"For you, returning to Forks was the right choice, but for me-."
"It could just as well be the right choice for you, Leah."
I immediately shake my head, unwilling to even consider it.
"No, Edward. Running a farm will never be a life I'm willing to choose."
"Well, sometimes fate has other plans, Lei-lei."
I freeze at his casual use of the nickname my parents gave me when I was a little girl. Every single cell in my body strains against the tension I feel building up inside of me. Edward must realize that I've reached the end of my rope, because after a brief hesitation he slowly rises to his feet.
"I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable, that was never my intention. It was really good seeing you again, Leah."
Then he lays a heavy hand on my shoulder, lingering for just a second before turning away, leaving the café with determined strides.
§§§
"You okay?"
I startle at Bella's sweet voice drawing me back from my inner turmoil. Releasing a sharp breath, I look up, meeting her concerned gaze.
"I'm fine," I respond, pushing my seat back as I get to my feet while I begin piling the dirty plates together, needing to keep my hands busy.
"You're leaving?"
The disappointment in her tone, cuts me to the core. Getting reacquainted with an old friend had never been a part of my brilliant plan. Flickering my eyes in her direction, I nervously run the palms of my hands down the sides of my jeans as I straighten.
"I have a meeting with Jenks at two," I begin.
Bella moves her hands to her hips as she continues to stare me down, her expression and no-shit attitude fierce. Now where had she been when Edward was here?
"That's still a few hours away."
No shit.
"I need some air," I continue, deciding it easier to just be honest.
Bella studies me for a moment before answering.
"Sounds good. Angie just arrived to work the afternoon shift, so I'm free to leave. Let me just grab my bag and we can go."
She laughs at my reaction. It isn't even noon?!
Grabbing the dirty plates with an expert hand, she sends me a wink before turning on her heel.
"Hey, leaving when the sun is still high in the sky is one of the major perks of working in a bakery. I clock in at 4 AM though."
Damn.
Bella returns wearing a cute jacket and vintage leather bag. She waves to the sweet looking woman behind the counter before motioning me to follow her. The fresh air feels wonderful and I take a moment to pause and breathe it in. Bella does the same, before sending me a mischievous smile.
"Follow me," she says, curling her hand around my arm as she leads me across the street and past the adjacent buildings. I almost laugh at her obvious excitement. I did grow up in this town, so I know there isn't much to see other than a run down -.
"Jesus."
I feel my eyebrows rise to my hairline and my mouth drops open at the remarkable change. Apparently the town park has undergone a major remodel. Perfectly shaped bushes and trees and luscious flowerbeds form a stunning park, complete with a wide variety of paths, benches and playground. The babbling brook sparkles in the sunlight, the surrounding park making it shine, a huge contrast to its previous state as something of a garbage disposal.
"Edward's aunt Esme is a landscape artist. She held this huge fundraiser shortly after they arrived and got the high school involved. "
"It's beautiful."
"Every town needs a little natural beauty, even one that is surrounded by it," she says, clearly quoting Esme.
My eyes wander, taking it all in. In contrast to its predecessor this park is actually pretty active.
"Come with me, I know the perfect spot."
Again, Bella's the one to lead the way down one of the gravel pathways. We pass quite a few different people who are out enjoying the rare case of nice weather. I don't recognize anyone, however, just to stay on the safe side, I pull out a pair of sunglasses from my bag. Bella snorts, but doesn't say anything. We continue walking side by side in comfortable silence. After a few minutes we reach the very edge of the park, where Bella makes a hard left, walking into the surrounding forest. Unsure of where she's headed, but deciding not to question her, I follow her blindly until we reach a break in the trees. My breath catches when I'm met by a stunning meadow and a perfect little pathway leading to a gorgeous red tiny house with white details.
"Welcome to my humble abode," she says, opening her arms wide in welcome.
Pausing I watch her standing in the middle of her little meadow, surrounded by majestic trees, in front of her fucking perfect little house. It's as though I've stepped into some kind of a fairy tale. Laughter bubbles through my chest and Bella immediately joins in. Linking her arm with mine, we walk together towards her little house and the small deck she has attached to her back porch. Throwing our bags down, we both fall into a comfortable lawn chair, overflowing with puffy pillows and take a moment to simply relax. Hearing the birds chirp and the wind move through the trees, I find myself breaking the silence.
"Okay, you have to tell me the story of how you ended up here."
"Here in the woods, here, or here in Forks?"
"We can start with Forks," I pull the glasses away from my face.
"What have you been up to these past ten years, Bella?"
Her green-brown eyes turn wistful as she stares out over her meadow.
"I don't think I ever told you, but I was in a really bad place when I first moved to Forks. My Mom-," her voice breaks, but it doesn't take her long to regain her composure. "My Mom wasn't exactly mother material and I grew up fending for myself. When child protective services got involved and Charlie was given custody, I really didn't understand the need. I'd managed fine on my own for years, why on earth would living with a man I hardly even knew make a difference. I didn't bother making friends, because I didn't expect it to last."
She inhales deeply and I patiently wait for her to continue, humbled over the fact that she's willing to open up to me like this.
"Turns out, Charlie was exactly what I needed. He never pushed, but he's remained my steady constant ever since. I went to culinary school in Port Angeles, making it possible for me to live at home and save some money while I studied. When I graduated, one of my professors pulled some strings and got me a job working under this incredible pastry chef in Paris."
Bella smiles at my shocked reaction.
"Yeah, I lived there for about a year. Charlie even flew out with me and stayed there for the first two weeks to make sure I got settled."
Her dark brows draw together as she contemplates what she's about to say next.
"Forks was the first place that ever felt like home to me, so when my year in France was up, I knew. It was time to come home."
A strange sensation begins spreading in my chest, making it surprisingly difficult to breathe.
"My Mom had passed away about a year later, leaving me with a pretty large inheritance that I had no idea was even out there. I've been through a lot of therapy over the years to deal with the neglect I experienced growing up. When I heard about the money, I honestly considered donating it to some organization to help foster kids, but my Dad convinced me to use it to build my own future instead. That's how Steamin' Beans and Sizzlin' Goodies was born and how I could afford to get this house."
"God, Bella," I whisper in complete awe of her story.
Comfortable silence builds between us as we both become lost in thought.
"You were the first person who genuinely tried to get to know me, did you know that?"
My eyes find hers, the dark green tones of the forest and the bright blue sky changing the color of her eyes to a vibrant jade. Unable to answer, I simply shake my head.
"I've always been grateful to you for that and I wish-," she sits up and rests the bottom of her arms against her bouncing knees.
"I wish I had been brave enough to stand by your side when everything went to hell with Sam."
Just the mention of his name makes my stomach roll and my skin feel icy cold. Inhaling shakily, I rise to my feet, curling my arms protectively around my waist as I try to calm myself down. She didn't even know half of it.
"Is he-?" I can't even bring myself to ask the question.
"Yeah, he and Emily live near the reservation, down by La Push beach," she informs me, regret mixing with the empathy of her tone.
Fuck. This was why I'd sworn not to stay for long. After my meeting with Jenks, I needed to leave. Fast.
Swallowing heavily, I try to hide the uncontrollable trembles and nervous energy I feel running through my body.
"Good for them."
The bitterness in my tone completely contradicts my choice of words.
"Leah-."
"I'm going to go," I interrupt her, moving to pick up my bag.
"No, Leah, please don't."
Her hand touches my arm, successfully stopping me.
"You haven't even had a chance to tell me about your fun evening?"
I blink, confused by what she's talking about.
"Last night?"
Her lips curl into a knowing half-smile and before I know it, I feel my cheeks flush with heat at the rush of x-rated memories.
The bartender.
Hesitating, I briefly contemplate my options.
It's still too early to show up at Jenks' office and there's no way in hell that I'm driving up to the farm, so…
"There isn't much to tell, I went to a bar, had some drinks, one thing led to another and I ended up in some guy's bed instead of my hotel," I blurted out, rushing uncomfortably through my story.
Bella's eyes widen, her lips twitching as though she's desperately trying to keep her expression neutral.
"And?"
I shrug.
This time Bella is incapable of holding back her laughter.
"Oh Leah, hun, you look like I'm trying to pull out your teeth."
She touches my wrist, unraveling the protective hold I have around my body, before leading me back to my chair.
"Who was he? How did you meet?"
A wicked sparkle gleams in her eye.
"Was it good?"
She laughs loudly when I immediately look away and try to hide my burning cheeks behind my dark locks.
"I'm glad to hear it."
A nervous and sharp laughter of disbelief rises to my lips. It had been a long time since I'd engaged in any kind of girl-talk and I couldn't help but feel rusty. Bella raises a perfectly shaped eyebrow in expectation and I decide to throw caution in the wind and just go for it. If she could be brave enough to open up about her past, I could confide in her about my hot bartender.
"God, this is so embarrassing," I say, burying my face in my hands for a second as I build up my courage.
"I stopped by Mac's last night for a drink."
Glancing over at Bella, I see her mouth has dropped and her eyes have grown as large as saucers. She probably hadn't expected that I'd hooked up with someone local.
"The bartender and I kind of struck up a conversation and-. Well-," I stumble.
"Oh my God, you didn't seriously have sex with Jared?"
I draw my fingers across my forehead as I try to prepare myself for her reaction to my next little tidbit of information.
"I don't know."
"What do you mean you don't know?"
"We never actually introduced ourselves."
I can see the wheels of Bella's brain try to process my words, but when she breaks into a fit of uncontrollable laughter, it still takes me a little by surprise. Feeding off of her positivity and lightheartedness, I find myself smiling as well. Grabbing a pillow behind me, I throw it in her direction.
"You know laughing at someone isn't polite, Isabella Marie."
We both burst into laughter at my mention of her full name. However, soon I see that she's desperately trying to get herself under control. Dabbing away the tears from her eyes, she takes a deep breath in between short fits of light laughter.
"I'm sorry, Leah, but God, this is seriously the funniest thing I've heard in ages."
I snort at her response and pretend to be annoyed with her, even though I'm anything but.
"So…"
Playing stupid, I antagonize her for a second, but when she begins waving a hand at me with a desperate look on her face, I decide to take pity on her.
"What do you want me to say, Bella? He joined me for a few drinks after his shift ended and then we made out, before heading back to his place."
Her expectant gaze makes me chuckle.
"It was good. Really good. And had I met him in Seattle I might have given him my number, but this is Forks. Bella, I'm just passing through. To be honest, I'll probably be leaving later this afternoon."
The expression on her face turns sad and I realize that I'm actually really going to miss her.
"Maybe you could come visit me in Seattle sometime?" I ask her, my voice soft.
She glances away, before placing a soft hand over mine, squeezing it comfortingly.
"I'm really glad you came back, Leah."
Her words make me feel happy, even though I can't help but notice how she hasn't answered my question.
