Chapter 33: Planning

Sokka had come to some realizations since leaving the North Pole. When he tried prodding that place in his heart where Yue had resided, he found it didn't ache anymore in that way he used to find almost pleasant. Her loss had been an unbandaged wound he'd kept picking, so that it couldn't mend, but bled again and again. Now it was healed and scarred over. He no longer wondered obsessively about what could have been; he found that the question didn't interest him anymore.

In fact, Yue herself didn't interest him anymore. He thought back on the princess now, the way she'd been as a girl, and just felt…..bored. She had been pretty and nice and sweet, but the most compelling thing about her was her choice to sacrifice herself, which had simultaneously put her out of reach forever. In fact, maybe her unavailability had always been part of her appeal. Sokka wondered if he had pursued her exactly because of the drama caused by her engagement. In that unjust obstacle to romantic fulfillment, he had seen a little quest or problem for him to solve, a challenge that was otherwise not there in the girl herself, maybe not even justified by her worth as a prize. That he'd thought of her that way at all should have been a sign to him that the relationship was unhealthy, but he'd been a perverse teenager not ready for real love, and so he'd chosen and clung to a girl he could never have.

He felt a little bad entertaining such ideas about Yue; she had been so kind to come talk to him in the spirit oasis, and she had been so selfless as to give her life for her people. But maybe this was what it was like to think about an ex, instead of a girl you still wanted. Now he knew all of the reasons he and Yue would never have worked, why it was wrong from the beginning, and these weren't exactly regrets, but lessons learned, with no hard feelings. It wasn't that anything had been wrong with her, just that she was a bad fit for who he was now, even if she had still been a human girl instead of a celestial body.

In the North, he'd come to understand that he had changed. He'd had plenty of time to himself while his friends did other things, time to wander the walks by the canals in the city and hunt on his own in the cold. He'd thought about Yue and talked about her with others who had known her, and found that the more he heard about her, the less fascinating her memory became to him. He'd listened to Arnook and others tell stories about her, and their stories, while sentimentalized because of the loss, were downright dull. He hadn't known her that well, and it seemed that his imagination had filled in the gaps since he'd lost her, turning her into someone that she had probably never been. He had to accept that the things he had liked the most about her had been inventions of his own. She was frozen, forever sixteen, and he was a man now…Even when they'd been together, she'd never pushed him, never challenged him, never done anything to help him to become better than he was. Now that he knew what that kind of relationship felt like, he could never settle for anything less.

If he didn't want Yue anymore, what did he want? He tried to think about that question in the abstract, but every time he did, his answer just sounded like another description of Suki. He wondered if he was chasing someone unavailable yet again, but remembered Zuko's reassurance: she had waited for him once before. She couldn't be completely unobtainable if he'd had her in the past. He repeated to himself again, the thing she'd said on Kyoshi Island that had broken his heart, but still gave him hope: "I want you, but I want all of you." Well, that was exactly what he wanted to give her. He knew he had to try.

As the tour dragged on, he felt increasingly frustrated and impatient, especially with his sister and friend, who were always all over each other, making him feel extra lonely. However, once he'd found peace and let go of Yue for good, the bitterness he had felt when they had first left Kyoshi Island had disappeared. It had been replaced by resolve, the kind of determination that usually put him into planning mode.


Katara came upon Sokka studying a map on the table in their house.

"A map of the Earth Kingdom?" She asked, confused. "I thought we were going to the Fire Nation next."

"You are." Sokka replied. "You and Aang are anyway. I'm thinking I might split off and go my own way when you all leave here."

"Where would you go?" Katara thought she could guess, but didn't want to presume in case she was wrong and hurt him.

"Kyoshi Island. I'd ask you all to drop me off, but it's completely in the opposite direction from the Fire Nation." He pointed to the map. "I can take one of the new trains from Ba Sing Se to Chin Village, then take a ferry to the island. Or follow the carriage road to the East Bay and take a boat from there. I need to ask around to find out which way is faster."

"You want to see Suki?"

"It's been long enough." He said firmly.

"You don't think she's coming here for the festival?"

"I thought she was probably on the guest list anyway, but I invited her as my date, just in case King Keui forgot who took down the airships that were going to burn down his whole kingdom. And then in her letters—there have only been two, and I sent at least six-she didn't even mention it!" He threw up his hands in exasperation. "It was like she ignored that I asked! I tried drafting letters where I asked specifically for a response about the festival, but I ended up sounding demanding, or whiny, or pathetic, or all three." He scraped his fingernails through his hair, messing it up.

"Did she say she's started dating someone?" Katara asked delicately.

"No. We never talk about that in our letters. Not that I'd have much to say." He shrugged, unconcerned about his supposed lack of romantic prospects.

"What about Eskina?"

"Who?"

"The girl in the North with the low cut dress? She dyed her hair yellow?"

"She was into me?" Sokka made a face. "She looked weird."

"She was Princess Yue's cousin."

He blinked, taken aback. "I guess she was."

Katara was surprised that the girl throwing herself at her brother hadn't even registered with him. Maybe he really was blinded by love. "Anyway, I'm sure Aang and Toph wouldn't mind a quick flight to Kyoshi Island-"

"It's not a quick flight."

"Still, I know we'll have time to take you there on Appa. There's no pressing engagement in the Fire Nation, nothing we can't miss that's going to happen on the first couple days after we were planning to arrive." Katara was also thinking to herself, that she wanted to be there for Sokka in case his planned romantic gesture went awry, if Suki had started a new relationship, or just didn't want him anymore. The thought was a little upsetting. She'd thought of Suki as a sister, so the idea of her choosing another guy felt almost like a betrayal of her as well as of Sokka, though she knew they had agreed not to be committed to each other while apart. Katara contemplated fighting Suki, and thought she would win. Unless Sokka or Aang decided to try to stop her, or the other Kyoshi Warriors jumped into the fray, that is. But then maybe Toph would join her…. It was an interesting possibility.

Her brother smiled gratefully and put one arm around her shoulders for a quick squeeze. Maybe he understood that he would need their support. "Thanks, sis."


Author's Note: I know this was a short chapter, but next week will be a real treat. The Spring Festival Ball, which means: Sukka reunion! I'm so excited to share this chapter with you! Be sure that you're subscribed to get an email when I post it. And please leave me a review on this one too!