Enjoy!
M.
Chapter 77
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Parker doesn't look afraid of the environment she's being introduced to. Yet, as she nears the infirmary, she tightens her grip on Cassie's hand. They find Janet outside. Sleeping on one of the benches that had found its way to the infirmary corridor over the years.
Sam was placed in one of the less-used rooms of the infirmary. She's not in a private room, so they can keep a close eye on her. Cassie's hand over Janet's shoulder brings the Doctor out of her slumber.
"Good morning, mom," Cassie said. "Have you met Parker Carter before?" She says as Janet stretches on the chair and rubs the sleep out of her eyes. She smiles at the girl.
"We haven't met. I'm Doctor Frasier. You can call me Janet. Or Aunt Janet, if you want…" Janet offers. Parker crooks her head.
"You know my mom? From before… Right?" P says. Remembering her from the pictures she saw ages ago.
"Yes. We were very good friends."
"Is she all right?"
"She's… Asleep." Janet says. "You know what an IV is?" Parker nods. "She has one, so we can give her some meds while she sleeps."
"They did that with me too…" Parker says, remembering her own time in the hospital. "Can I… Can I see her?"
"Sure. I can take you to her."
"Can Cassie take me?" Parker asks. Because after all, she's only ten and her mom's all she knows. While Janet seems nice, Cassie is familiar. Cassie made her mom smile in the few times they met.
"I can go with you." Cassie grins.
"Don't be scared, Parker. Your mom has some bruises too, but truly she's only asleep now." Janet says as reassuringly as she can. The three women walk in. Parker clenches her jaw tightly and squeezes Cassie's hand.
"Oh, he's still here…." Janet says noticing the man sitting at Sam's bedside. His head next to her hip and his hand tangled in hers. It's so familiar and yet so unknown. It makes Janet's heart ache. She gives Cassie a bittersweet smile that her daughter returns. Then she places a hand on the General's shoulder.
Jack jumps awake, startled at first. Then his eyes focus on the warm hand tangled with his and the other one placed softly over his shoulder. He looks from one to the other. He raises his eyes towards Sam's face... The bruising is worse. He gulps the guilt down before he turns towards the other hand again.
"Janet." He rasps, his voice still hoarse from sleep. "Any changes?"
"No, sir. But… Hmm… This is Parker Carter." Janet says, moving a bit out of his line of sight to allow him to watch the girl.
"Yeah, we've met. Haven't we?" He tries to smile reassuringly. He's not sure he manages. "I'm General O'Neill, we met when I brought your mom some boxes?" He tries. Parker nods, 'Sir General Jack,' she remembers as her eyes fall to where his hand is still tangled to her mom's.
"Jack…" Cassie says then.
"Cass…"
"Can I have a moment with my mom?" Parker asks then. The adults are kinda relieved by this. They need to discuss her situation and they aren't sure they want to do it when she's there.
"We'll be just outside," Janet says. Parker nods. She waits until the man she knows as Sir General Jack stands up. She takes then the chair he has just vacated and replaces his hand with her smaller one. Jack gives her one small smile that doesn't reach his eyes at all. For some reason, Parker knows she can trust him.
They leave her alone with her mom. Walking a bit past the door so they wouldn't be overheard. Then Cassie drops the bomb.
"So… I've spoken with her nanny, but Parker pointed me to a Jordan Craig." Jack flinches at the name. "You know him?"
"Yeah. We've met."
"He said Sam had a plan in case something happened to her before. I guess that's why Parker knew where to find a cellphone with only his number on the contact list."
"So, when will he arrive?" Jack asked. Flinching at the thought of confronting this guy now.
"He won't."
"What?" Janet frowns, confused.
"Sam's plan… It seems it's… Well, you." She waves.
"Me?" Janet asks.
"No… You… All of you. He said that her instructions were that if she disappeared, Parker was to be sent to Jonathan Jack O'Neill, Janet Fraiser, or Daniel Jackson. There were more instructions to follow after her demises. I guess I was too young when she put that in place."
"Why would she send her to us? I mean, we didn't have a fucking clue as to where she was. Why would she send us her kid?"
"I…" Cassie sighed and scratched the back of her neck nervously. "He said you guys were the only ones she really trusted in. I have no idea what that means… But I know there's no one else to take care of her. The nanny can't do it. That's why Sam's usually off early Saturday's and it's never here on Sundays."
"We can't keep her on-base either," Jack says. Mostly because he can't stand the sight of the girl. It only adds more pain that she looks so much like Sam and despite everything, she isn't his own. And more guilt, knowing that he caused her mom's current situation and the kid's current sadness.
"I can take her home. Watch her for a few hours, but my shift starts at 1600." Cassie says. "Someone has to take over an hour before that so I can make it there."
"We'll figure something out," Jack says, with a voice filled with confidence he isn't feeling at all. "Shouldn't we check on her?"
"I'll go," Cassie says.
"Jack…" Janet says. But she really doesn't know what to say to him. She knows, by the way he is carrying himself, that this is far more difficult than he first thought. That the girl is causing more havoc inside him that she thought it would. The fact is… That the girl's existence complicates things beyond the usual complications. Janet knows all about it, having been a single mother herself.
"If she trusted in us to leave her daughter in our hands before… We can't simply pretend she doesn't exist. That we don't know that was what Sam would want." Janet adds.
"Janet…" he says, then shakes his head. "Can we just hope she'll wake up soon?"
"She might. She might not. This is not an exact science and you know it, Jack." She grimaces.
"Right, but there's still hope she might. You said there was no head injury that would keep her unconscious for long? Maybe she's just sleeping… Maybe she's just getting all the hours of sleep she hasn't been getting." Janet raises an eyebrow at this. "Jacob told me she doesn't sleep much… Not like the black under her eyes aren't a huge giveaway." Jack shrugs off.
She wants to tell him Sam is just asleep. She knows it's not just that, though.
"I can take this to Daniel and Teal'c. We can see who can take care of her once Cassie can't anymore."
Jack nods. He knows there's plenty of work to do. So he escapes to her office. He finds himself checking her shelves and picking up the pen. He plays with it for a while. Smiles a bit when it brings back memories of better times. When he didn't know what it was like to make love to Sam Carter. Though he knew exactly how it felt to love her.
A couple of hours later, Janet calls him back to the infirmary. They had made a schedule that won't involve him spending too much time with the girl. Jack wants to thank them for it. He knows he'd sound like an ass for not wanting to offer his own time to watch the daughter when all he wants to do is sit by the mother's bed.
As he reaches the place where they have Sam. He notices Cassie and Parker walking towards him.
"Jack," Cassie grins.
"Sir General Jack," Parker says seriously. She bits her lower lip in a way that makes his heart constrict. It's Sam's through and through. "Can I speak to you for a moment?" She asks. Blue eyes look at him pleadingly. He can't deny her request. They walk to the side and Cassie takes a couple of steps away. To give them as much privacy as they can get, in the middle of one empty corridor that has a terrible echo.
"I know they won't leave me to stay with her. Can you keep her safe for me?" Parker asks. Jack has to gulp down the fear of being unable to fulfill that request. For a second, his mind provides him with several scenarios. Where he has to tell the girl that her mom didn't make it. That he couldn't keep her safe from her own body. He nods, nonetheless… Because blue eyes are shining with hope. He can't break her now. He can't take away from this girl, what he'd already had taken from her mom.
He'd made Sam change. He had pushed her to the breaking point and beyond. He'd walked her to that unnumbered apartment. Then he'd walked away from her. Now… now he was unable to bring her back to him. He'd pulled her close. Even if the physical release had been allowed for two nights. He knew he'd forced her to build more walls between them.
"Don't worry, I'll watch over her." He said. Truly, those were his plans, nonetheless.
"Thank you. Will you call me if anything happens to her?"
"I will."
Surprising him, and maybe even herself. Parker clung from his neck for a couple of moments. Somehow, he felt like a haven and Parker didn't understand why. Maybe that feeling of home was what her mom was feeling when she tried out the dozens of outfits before she left for his birthday party.
"I'm ready," she said, releasing him and walking towards Cassie.
Monday, November 19, 2012
Sam wakes up quietly. She blinks several times and fixes her eyes on the ceiling. One she knew from before, but she can't quite place it yet. She feels the warm hand tangled in hers and the weight of the head that dips into the mattress, close to her hip. For a second, she's transported back to 2000. For a moment of peace, she can almost pretend she's just his 2IC and he is just her CO.
Almost.
The last memories she has from before everything went black, steal her mind. Distracting her from thoughts of a past she isn't sure she wants to delve in. Things aren't quite nice at the present. She doesn't know if they'll ever be even close to what they'd been when there was nothing more than platonic love.
"As I told you before, Daniel. Janet says she might be overworked and that you'd know that wouldn't be a first." She hears the faint mumble of Vala's voice despite the lights sounds coming from her heart monitor.
"Overworked? Yeah, that wouldn't be a first. We all know she never remains on base if there's no need, though." Daniel answers in the same whispery mode.
"Yeah, I heard Jack said it's obvious she's not sleeping much. That she must be just getting some well-deserved rest. Raising a child isn't as easy as we think it might be." Vala says. The curtains keeping her and Jack isolated from everyone's eyes, slowly open.
Sam blushes. How the fuck does Jack know she'd been working herself to the point of exhaustion just to be able to sleep? She has no idea how he could've guessed that one. Since, as Daniel pointed out, she had been leaving the base on time since she arrived. She feels Vala's eyes on her.
"I'll get Janet." Vala grins.
Daniel's eyes fall on her and she blushes further. Janet enters the room quickly and quietly. Somehow, Jack doesn't wake up with all the noise they had been making.
Guilt takes over when Janet looks at her, a hint of worry in her eyes.
She knows she's here because she wasn't paying attention to the road. Wanting to answer that call, Jack's call. Especially when she'd been overthinking the whole situation. She'd managed to make a mess between what-ifs, what was and what could be.
She wanted to answer his call. She'd felt the stupid butterflies in her stomach when she noticed it was him. She'd hoped she would pick up the phone and he would tell her in that sexy raspy voice of his, to drag her ass back to him. That a quick fuck wasn't quite enough, that he wanted her completely. That he needed her to survive as much as she needed him. That he was clinging to her as much as she was clinging to him. She would tell him about the stupid pen. Confess how she tugged her ring whenever things were hard.
She thought he would tell her to come back. To give him a chance, to give them a chance. That he wanted to get to know her all over again and never let her go…. That he wanted to know Parker too. Sam's eyes widened then, and her heart rate spiked.
"Parker," was the first thing she said out loud as she sat on the bed. The movement jerking Jack awake. He rubbed his eyes and squared his shoulders.
There was a time when the first thing she would say was his name… Not anymore.
"She's at school. Jessica will pick her up. Then Cassie will bring her over once she finished her homework." Sam left herself fall on the bed, trying to calm her racing heart. She risked a glance towards Jack.
"Janet, T, and Cass have been taking good care of your child, Carter. You gave her quite the scare."
'Janet, T, and Cass… You gave her…' Sam nodded as she thought on how he'd said that. Janet, T, and Cass weren't him. 'Her,' wasn't him, wasn't 'us'. She gulped, maybe she was wrong. Maybe he was calling to tell her that he didn't want to see her ever again. That she wasn't worthy of the pain she'd created. He would be right about it.
She knew he deserved better than the broken version of herself. She knew Parker deserved better than being raised by her. The cards had been dealt and her hand sucked.
Maybe she should just take matters in her hand. Disappear for good, leaving them together. They deserved to be together. They deserved that kind of happiness, the one she seemed unable to provide to them.
"Thanks," she said to Janet. Then the Doctor kicked everyone out of her room.
"You were lucky, Sam," Janet said. She couldn't disagree more. Lucky would be no waking up. Lucky would be not having to deal with the consequences of the eleven years she was gone. Lucky would be knowing how to love without creating chaos for everyone she loved. "You've only got minor injuries. Nothing to worry about. Your car, though…" Janet grimaced. "Well, you'll need a new one. Cassie said she spoke with a man called Jordan. He said he was working on getting you a new one as soon as you woke up. You scared him too…"
Sam clenched her jaw tightly and grimaced at the pain she felt.
"Yeah, I wouldn't do that much if I was you. There's a nice bruising on the side of your face. It'll be tender for a couple of days. So… I don't mean to pry, Sam, but I saw your phone when they got you here. There were at least a dozen calls from Jack. I also saw your tags."
"There's nothing there to know," Sam said coldly.
"All I'm saying is… I'm here if you ever need to talk. We can add doctor-patient confidentiality to it if that makes you feel more comfortable. Or, dunno? Maybe a talk with Mackenzie will help? I mean, none of us have a clue as to what happened during the time you were gone. Maybe you're dealing with some sort of PTSD? Maybe you're dealing with far more than any of us can imagine… But you shouldn't go through life over exhausting yourself."
"I've been doing a fine job during the past eleven years, and eight months, Janet," Sam stated.
"That's surviving… Not living." Janet pointed out. "This might sting a bit when I say it, but is that really what you want Parker to learn? How to survive life?"
Sam gulped. No, that's not what she wanted. She wanted Parker to thrive in ways she wasn't capable of. She wanted her daughter to love and be loved in a way that didn't need of running away. Changing names and hoping that one day everything was over. She wanted Parker to have everything she'd failed to obtain for herself…
She wanted Parker to live as she had lived that week in which she was conceived. Fully, lovingly, without cares and worries about things that were looming outside. She wanted Parker to have what she'd once had with Jack.
If she was honest, she still hoped to get that for herself. But, self-doubt, guilt, and inadequacy took over and told her she didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve any of it, not that week, and not even raising Parker.
