I do not own The Outsiders. All characters used from the book are borrowed with much respect to S.E. Hinton.


I lay awake in bed that night; restless and worried about my brother. I'd run the day's events in my head over and over again; my brother's words spinning and spinning along with all of Dr. Burton's apprehension and warnings until I was dizzy and nauseated from it all.

"…am I feelin' so bad I'd rather take a razor blade to my arm than face another minute of living…"

My body shook as the hairs on the back of my neck started to rise. It felt like someone was walking over my grave.

"I can't ever sleep no more 'cause I wake up in the middle of the night thinkin' I'm still in the jungle and some gook's there to saw my nuts off or blow my head off…"

I sat up abruptly and rolled my eyes at myself for being so stupid. I'd spent the last three weeks begging Soda to open up to me about what'd happened to him over in Vietnam, and didn't even notice when he had.

"Fucking idiot!" I cursed vehemently under my breath while I gently pulled the covers off of myself so that I wouldn't wake Beth.

I strained to hear anything through the dead silence that filled the house, but there was nothing so I did what I'd always done—I headed for the room down the hall.

It was like every other time in the past when I'd sneak a peek around the door once I'd opened it a crack, and I breathed out a sigh of relief when I looked through once again. My brothers were both asleep on their left sides; big brother as big spoon and little brother as little spoon. It was easy to forget about the war and what it'd done to Sodapop—the arm he had left was thrown protectively around Ponyboy while what was missing was conveniently hidden from view. In the dead of night I could just pretend that we were all okay, but I knew come sunrise, there'd be no fooling anyone.

I watched the two of them quietly, and quite honestly I lost track of time until a warm hand on my shoulder startled the fog from my brain as well as managing to scare the hell out of me.

"Are they alright? Sorry, Darry I didn't mean to scare you." Greg frowned as he let his hand fall from my shoulder.

"S'ok, there's a doctor stayin' over." I grinned embarrassed while my hand rubbed the back of my neck.

Greg laughed silently before asking again, "are they okay?"

"If that just ain't the hundred thousand dollar question." I huffed, recognizing the lump heavy in my throat as I swallowed hard.

"Darry," Greg brought his hand back up to my shoulder to squeeze.

"Did I fuck up, Greg? Should I have left him there?"

"Honestly, Darry?" Greg asked me, and I looked him dead in the eye and nodded.

I knew Greg would never lie or sugar coat things to spare my feelings. Greg was well trained in the art of telling people what they needed to hear, regardless of how they felt about it, and I was counting on him to give it to me straight right then.

"No." He looked at me head-on as I had looked at him. "Normally…normally I'd be dead set against him leaving the security of the hospital, but I don't know…" Greg paused as he looked over to my brothers huddled together. "He needs you two. I think being separated from you and Pony has done enough harm to him than whatever it is he's trying to protect you from."

I felt the warm droplet roll down my cheek as I nodded; trusting Greg's words and allowing myself to feel comforted by them. I'd been worried I'd made the wrong decision, and part of me still worried, but hearing Greg's words helped ease the deep grip clenching my insides.

"Thank you for being here—again."

"That's what family does, right?" Greg tried timidly, but his smile grew more confident when he saw mine.

He finally understood where his place was.


I heard the creek in the floorboards along with the hushed voices in the hall, and I half convinced myself I'd dreamt the last five or six years. It was exactly how it used to be with boys' hushed voices trying to be unheard, only failing miserably as they scoured the house for my brothers and some food.

I could picture it so easily—Steve and Two-Bit heading for Soda and Pony's room while Johnny would be the polite and shy one waiting on the couch. Dally would probably be on the porch smoking a cancer stick and maybe chasing away the paper boy with a twinkle in his eyes and a scowl across his face.

I almost smiled with the memory of how simple life had been back at a time when my biggest worry was paying the bills on time and making sure my youngest brother didn't fall behind in school. I thought I'd had it hard, but in reality I had no reference on just how hard life could be, and I realized what a fool I'd been and how much time and effort was wasted on the small things.

I could picture our old friends in my mind as clear as day, and it wasn't until I heard my wife's light laughter, and smelled the aroma of breakfast cooking and coffee brewing, that reality hit. It was still a house full of love and full of friends, but the friends were new, and we'd all grown.

I sat up slowly and rubbed my hands roughly over my face to help wake me up before getting out of bed and throwing on a pair of jeans. My left hip gave a sharp reminder of where my life had taken me and what the losses in my life had cost. I walked as steadily as I could, waiting for the ache and stiffness to cease.

The four of them were conversing quietly, and it felt like home. Eric, Bradley, and Greg were talking about the headline news over coffee while Beth commented back as she was standing at the stove. I was a lucky man, because for all of the losses, God had given back. I'd always been surrounded by the kind of people that always showed their love and support.

"Diganeli!" Eric stood up from the table, and I wasn't sure if I'd ever seen him smile that loudly before.

"Hey, stranger!" I smiled as I waved at him to sit back down. "'Bout time you showed your face."

"Leg at it again, buddy?" Bradley eyed the way I was walking before taking a sip of his coffee.

"Mmmm," I mumbled noncommittally as I approached my wife to kiss her while she handed me my own cup of joe.

"You alright, babe? You didn't sleep." She held onto me.

"'M okay," I shrugged, not wanting Beth to worry. "Just stiff from the long drive yesterday."

I looked over at Bradley. "What brings you here? I ain't up for the gym today—just got my brother back."

"Yeah, I heard. That's crazy, man! I'm really happy for you guys, but no I'm here to check up on the kid. How's he doing?"

"Seizure's got him all bent and crooked." I shrugged, still wondering what set Ponyboy off to have an episode so bad.

"The roll not working?"

"Never stays. 'S always on the floor or in bed next to him by morning."

"Is it okay if I take a look?" Bradley looked at me carefully.

"Uh, yeah I guess if you can do it without wakin' him up."

"Just wanted to look at that hand again—see if I can't rig something up."

"Yeah, okay," I nodded as I placed my half-full cup of coffee down in the counter beside the sink. "Follow me."

The room was dim with daylight sneaking through the gap between the curtains. Ponyboy and Soda were still spooned together looking as though they hadn't moved an inch. Bradley paid no mind, not privy to the exhaustion both of my brothers had, and knelt down by Pony's side of the bed, and gently took his hand.

"It might have been too small—I'm not sure." He whispered as he began to manipulate Pony's hand. As expected, it shook and contracted closed the more he tried to open his fingers.

"If I could tie…"

"Ya won't get nothin' on him tied to anythin'" Soda's voice was muffled.

His face was pressed up against the back of Ponyboy's shoulder.

"I think it'd help if we can get this thing to stick…"

"Ain't big 'nuff." Soda mumbled as he rubbed his face against Pony's shoulder, and opened an eye to size up our guest.

Bradley wasn't phased in the least.

"What are you thinking, Soda?" He addressed my brother as if they'd been introduced back when Pony was in the hospital, and I could tell that Soda appreciated it.

"Nails break skin sometimes. Double up the roll." Soda tried to lift himself up, but with the missing arm he wasn't able, so he shoved his face back into his brother's shoulder.

"I hear what you're getting at. Now I gotta figure out how to keep it where it needs to be without upsetting him."

"Got any long gauze for wrapping splints?" Soda's head popped up again, and Bradley nodded.

"Yeah, in my bag. Give me a second."

Bradley was on his feet and out of the room to grab his bag, and I stood back and watched my brothers.

Sodapop rubbed Pony briskly on his arm before rolling over onto his back. Pony gave a stir.

"C'mere, kiddo. Come see me." Soda commanded his little brother gently, and like he'd pushed a button, Ponyboy rolled over letting his left side rest on his brother.

Soda absently started rubbing his brother's hand—working the tightness in the joints, and I shook my head knowing Sodapop was onto something. I could see it in the way Pony's hand appeared that much looser.

"Okay, brother." Bradley came in with his bag and knelt on the other side of the bed.

"Cut about a foot of the gauze. Fold the facecloth in half 'n lay the gauze out horizontal-like."

Bradley nodded as he followed Soda's instructions to the letter. "Alright, buddy. I think I see where we're goin' with this."

"Roll it in another facecloth and tape it up so it don't unravel."

I watched on curiously as my brother gave lessons to a certified physical therapist, and couldn't help the proud grin on my face.

"This is great, Soda but it still don't solve the problem of me not bein' able to tie it on his hand."

"I got it open, put the roll in."

I watched on—fascinated by the effect Soda's presence had on Ponyboy even as he slept. His fingers were contracted—still wanting to snap shut over his thumb, but Soda was able to relax Ponyboy's contractures enough so that Bradley could set the roll in place before Soda let go, and Pony's fingers curled around the cloth.

Soda tenderly placed his hand over the back of Ponyboy's, and looked at Bradley.

"You can tie it around both of our hands. He'll be okay. Make it snug." Soda instructed, but Bradley looked uncomfortable.

"Last time didn't go so well." Bradley looked over to me, but it was clear I wasn't the one with the answers this time.

"Lemme worry 'bout that," Soda said before kissing Ponyboy's forehead. "It's okay, go ahead. Remember to make it tight."

Bradley looked apprehensive as he took the two ends of gauze that were hanging out of each end of the roll. Soda lifted his and Pony's conjoined hands, and nodded for Bradley to continue.

Bradley stretched the gauze as Soda held the back of Ponyboy's hand in his, and tied a neat bow behind Soda's. I grinned in a sort of triumph, that is until Pony's eyes sprung open, and he was shaking his head in a panic.

"Darry," Soda beckoned me softly, and I made my way closer; sitting on the bed next to them.

"Shhhh…ain't nothin' to worry your head over, Ponyboy. It's okay." Soda spoke to his brother gently before kissing his forehead.

Ponyboy continued shaking his head, and Sodapop looked to me for what he wasn't able to do, due to the fact that his one arm was otherwise occupied.

I let one hand drag through the back of Pony's head and hair, while the other rubbed his neck and shoulders.

"'S alright, honey. Darry's friend tied our hands together so I won't lose my way again."

Pony stopped fighting in an instant, and looked up at Sodapop. Soda's eyes welled up as he tried for a smile, but instead closed his eyes and let his head roll in the opposite direction.

"I got you." Pony's voice shredded out, and Soda's eyes opened so he could look back adoringly at his brother.

"I know, kiddo. You got me, 'n I got you. No more leavin' I promise."

Ponyboy nodded before resting his head back down on Soda's shoulder. I continued rubbing Pony's hair, and it was like he finally noticed I was there.

"I gotta pee. I can't pee holdin' hands."

Soda laughed a genuine laugh before he wiggled and slid his hand out of the tight binding, and brought it over to give his brother a hug.

"C'mon, kiddo! I'll bet there's chocolate milk on the table! Go with Darry 'n get washed up so we can get some grub."

Soda gently shoved his brother towards me; my cue to step in and get our young brother sorted for the day. I stood up at the side of the bed opposite of Soda, and concentrated on keeping my balance while he gripped my wrist in his good hand as he shimmied his way to the edge of the bed to get up.

"Need a lift?" I teased Pony with a wink, and his cheeks turned a little pink before he shook his head to decline my offer to carry him.

Pony held onto my arm like a vice as he struggled and wobbled and fought his way to walk regardless of what his leg was thinking, and I admired his tenacity and dignity like I'd never admired another quality from another human being in my life. He was the role model I'd strived to be for him, and as I took a step with my left leg and felt my hip burn, I realized the both of us had uncooperative left legs.

I snorted a laugh.

"Practically twins," I commented as I noticed Ponyboy making the connection—our too-similar ailments, and he let go of my arm to wrap his around my waist.

"Man, that took a lot of innovation!" I heard Bradley. "You were great, man!"

"Well, I couldn't keep my baby brother from bein' raped by a madman, or keep by best friend from gettin' shot in the face from the Vietcong. Good to know I'm still useful for something."

I heard the wind gust against the house as I let go of Ponyboy to turn around and gauge where my other brother's head was at. Bradley looked at me concerned while Soda just threw his arm over his eyes to block out the world and the fact that we were all still there.

"I uhhhh…I'm gonna go throw this in the back of my car. I'll be right back." Bradley awkwardly excused himself while picking up his bag and sliding out the door next to myself and Pony.

It was quiet as I stared at my brother. I felt for him; I wanted to understand him, but the words he spit out at Bradley were making my skin crawl. It was a betrayal to Pony to speak of what he'd endured as though it were just another event as ordinary as taking out the garbage, and I was angry.

"I'm gonna get Pony squared away, and you'd best have an explanation for that round of bullshit, little buddy."

Soda didn't acknowledge me, he just laid on the bed with his arm over his eyes and I led Pony out of the bedroom and into the bathroom. I could feel the nervous tremble through him, and I felt sick to my stomach.

"I'm sorry."

My voice cracked as I spilled out an apology that wasn't mine to make. I could see the sadness cover Pony's face, and I closed my eyes and heaved a sigh as I helped him to sit on the closed toilet seat before turning around to shut the door.

"Don't fight," Pony's voice choked out, and I saw the tears making their way down his face.

I dropped to my knees in front of him, and buried my face in his stomach while I wrapped my arms around him. I held back my own tears until I felt his hand pet my head, and was overcome—suddenly feeling so unsure.

"Promise, Darry. No fight."

His voice was still scratchy, but he was firm in his request and I'd felt like a failure because I knew that was the one thing I couldn't promise him.

"I can't, Pony." I shook my head as I looked into his eyes.

"He'll go away. He'll leave me again. Please, don't fight!" He begged, but I shook my head again sadly.

"I have to, baby. I have to fight. He needs me to fight, Pony 'cause he can't anymore. I'm fighting for him, Pony. It ain't like before, I swear—I ain't gonna let him slip away, but I gotta fight for him."

I did my own pleading, and I could see the moment Ponyboy understood. He nodded slowly as he looked thoughtful, letting his hand glide over to gently touch my face.

"I fight for him too then. I help. I trust you, Darry. I trust you."

Pony nodded at me; his face expressing the same emotions as his words, and I could only sink my face into his body again—holding onto him tight while I prayed to God I wasn't about to fuck everything up.