Chapter 78 – Jack's Birthday

Jack had more things to think about as he walked the short distance back to the house. He knew that he would have to talk to Elizabeth. It didn't take long to get home. He wanted some time to think about things, but Elizabeth was there and he knew that they needed to talk. He took a deep breath and removed his coat.

"Elizabeth." Jack said. "I know that we need to talk, but can I have just a little bit, please."

"I agree that we need to talk." Elizabeth said. "All I want to say is that I am here, but I don't like being pushed away. I know that you have said that you have a hard time talking about things, but you need to figure it out. We are partners and if you can't talk to me than I don't know what we are doing. We promised to be there for each other and part of that is talking to one another."

Elizabeth didn't say anything else, she just took her journal and headed upstairs. If Jack wanted time, Elizabeth would give it to him. She also needed time. Elizabeth was tired and didn't want to fight with Jack. She had had a hard day and knew that she would probably say something that she would regret. She just wanted to have her Jack back. She had never seen him like this and it was hard. Elizabeth realized that she had never lost someone that was close to her like Jack had, but she just wanted to understand. She wanted him to talk to her. As she wrote in her journal, she let the tears fall that had been there all day.

Downstairs, Jack was working through his feelings as well. Jack had decided to take Abigail's advise and write things out. He still had so many unresolved feelings about his father. He wrote about how he missed his father and how it hurt that he had missed so many milestones in Jack's life. He wrote about how he missed his father and wished that he was there to help him at times. He wrote about how losing his father changed him and how it had made life harder. Jack also realized that if he hadn't lost his father, it wouldn't have made him as understanding to others pain as he was. He realized that he had been holding on to anger. Jack realized that he was angry at his father for leaving him. He was angry at what happened to his family after his father died. He also realized that he was angry at himself. He was angry at himself because he couldn't save his father even though it wasn't his job to protect his father, but his father's to protect him. He was angry at his father that he had to grow up so fast and that his mother changed. He wrote everything out and then Jack felt better. He knew what he needed to say to Elizabeth, he just hoped that she would listen to him. Jack headed upstairs to talk to Elizabeth. He found her laying on the bed, he wasn't sure if she was sleeping or not.

"Elizabeth." Jack said from the doorway to their bedroom. "Can we talk?"

"You want to talk. " Elizabeth said sitting up. "Talk. I am listening."

"I am sorry." Jack said. "The loss of my father changed the course of my life. It changed where we lived, how we lived. It changed my mother. It changed that way that people looked at me. I never realized that I was angry at my father for leaving us. I have always just avoided my birthday, because I didn't want to deal with the feelings that it brought up. Let me ask you something – have you ever lost someone close to you."

"No." Elizabeth said.

"Don't take this wrong." Jack said. "But then you can't understand how it can still hurt even long after the event. Abigail reminded me that unless someone had experienced a significant loss, it is hard to understand. I don't mean to upset you. I am just trying to explain. It took me taking a step back and really thinking about things before I understood how I felt. I can't expect others to understand how it felt/feels. I don't like to celebrate my birthday, because it is a reminder of what I lost. I didn't mean to get mad at you for wanting to do something nice for me. I got mad because I felt that you weren't listening to what I wanted. I also understand that you just wanted to do something nice for me. Please understand that other then my mother, no one has ever tried to do something to celebrate my birthday. I am not mad at you, I am mad at myself. I can't fully explain why I am mad at myself."

"So I don't understand." Elizabeth said. "That still doesn't explain or excuse the way that you treated me."

"No it doesn't." Jack said. "I am sorry. You know that I have told you that I have trouble expressing myself. Please forgive me. I am still getting use to sharing my feelings, I am trying. It is hard to talk about my father. After he died, we weren't allowed to talk about him anymore. You have no idea how hard that was. Please forgive me. I love you and didn't mean to hurt you. If you still want to make a special supper for Thursday that would be great."

"Thank you for talking to me." Elizabeth said. "Just because I don't understand what you went through, doesn't mean that I don't want to be there for you. Please understand that I didn't mean to upset you, but only wanted you to share in hopes that it would make you feel better."

"We both still have a lot to learn about each other." Jack said. "We are still getting use to each other and how we react to certain things. Let's just promise to try and do better."

"Okay." Elizabeth said.

"Shall we go find something for supper." Jack said. "I have to get up and do rounds in the morning."

Elizabeth went downstairs and Jack helped her make some supper. They didn't say much to each other during supper. After supper, they were both tired and headed to bed. Once again, Jack pulled Elizabeth close to him but he felt far away. This time she didn't take it personally. She realized that he was working through a lot of feelings. She just hoped that things would get better. She wouldn't push Jack to talk anymore. Because they both had had a rough night the night before, it didn't take long for Elizabeth to fall asleep. It took Jack a little longer. He still had many feelings that he needed to sort though, but for the first time that he could remember, he wasn't dreading his birthday. Sleep finally claimed Jack and he was able to relax some.

Tuesday, Jack was up early and left before Elizabeth was up. He had rounds and wanted to get going as early as possible. He didn't know how long that it would take him and he wondered if he was up to it. Elizabeth woke up and got ready for the day. She made herself some breakfast and then made lunch for both herself and Jack. She planned on dropping Jack's off before school. As Elizabeth was gathering stuff to leave for the schoolhouse, she realized that Jack had forgot his messenger bag. She grabbed it and headed to the jail. She dropped off his lunch and messenger bag with Bill. She then headed to the schoolhouse and hoped for a better day.

Jack rode his rounds and stopped by the house to grab his messenger bag that he had forgot. When he didn't find it, he figured that Elizabeth saw it and dropped it off for him. He headed back into town and went to the jail to find that his bag was there along with a lunch that Elizabeth had made for him. Jack logged his rounds and then continued to type his disaster plan. When he got the second full copy typed. He took the first copy and got it ready to send to headquarters. He went over and posted the envelope. He wanted it to get out as soon as possible. He also sent a wire to Wynn to let him know that it was coming and asked how to proceed from there. Jack then returned to the jail and typed up two more copies. He filed one in his desk. He gave one to Bill and then delivered the other to Abigail at the mayor's office. By mid-afternoon, Jack was tired. He talked to Bill and McGinty and they agreed that if they needed Jack they knew where to find him. Jack gathered his things and headed home. He knew that Bill was worried about him, but also understood that it was the week of his birthday and father's death.

The children were much better behaved for Elizabeth and the day went better. She able to get through all that needed to be done and didn't even send any more homework with the students. She stopped by the cafe and picked up a supper for both her and Jack. She just wasn't up to cooking that night. Wednesday was much the same, except that Jack walked Elizabeth to school. Elizabeth had a good day at school and Jack had a light day at the jail. After school, Elizabeth talked to McGinty and he agreed to bring the crate with Jack's gift over the next morning after Jack left for rounds. Elizabeth had thought about holding off on the gift, but then realized that she had it and she wanted to give it to him. She just hoped that he wouldn't be mad.

Thursday, Jack was up early again to do rounds. After Jack left and before school, McGinty dropped off the crate and even opened the top. He then walked Elizabeth to school. Elizabeth had a hard time keeping her focus on the children. Her thoughts constantly drifted to Jack. She wondered how he was and hoped that he was having a good day. She had hoped that he would swing by the school at lunch, but he didn't. After school, Elizabeth went by the mercantile and picked up the remainder of the things that she needed to make Jack's favorite supper – shepherd's pie and cherry cobbler. She headed home to get a start on supper. She had everything ready when Jack came home. She had even put a couple of candles on the table and opened a bottle of wine.

Jack had had a pretty good day. He took longer then he normally would on rounds, because he could think better when he was riding. He didn't spend much time around people all day. Bill had talked to McGinty that Jack was having a hard time and to just give him some space. McGinty knew better then to push either of them. Both men gave Jack space during that day and tried to handle things so that Jack could do what he wanted. Bill had also told Jack that he didn't have to come in on Friday if he didn't want to. Bill suggested that he just go for a nice ride. Jack told him that he would think about it. By the time that Jack got home, he barely remembered that Elizabeth was cooking a special meal for him. He was actually a little surprised when he walked in and saw the table set with candles and wine.

"I know that you didn't want a big deal." Elizabeth said. "I just wanted to make it special."

Jack hung up his coat and pulled off his boots. He then slipped out if his serge. He checked the stove to see if it needed wood before sitting down. He was hungry but also knew that the food would be ready soon, so it didn't matter. Elizabeth came and sat next to him on the couch. She was worried about Jack's gift and how he would react. She wanted to give it to him but wondered if she should wait. While she was sitting there thinking, Jack pulled her close and kissed her temple.

"Jack." Elizabeth said. "I don't want to upset you, but I did this before I everything happened and I knew how you felt about your birthday. I have a present for you. Do you want it now or after supper?"

"It is okay." Jack said. "You didn't know. If I remember correctly, it was my mother who told you about my birthday."

Elizabeth stood up from the couch and walked into the guest room downstairs. She slipped the lid back on the crate and then carried it out to the kitchen. She set it on a chair at the table.

"Jack." Elizabeth said.

Jack turned to see Elizabeth standing by the table and a crate sitting between two chairs. He got up and walked over. He looked at the crate and then at Elizabeth. She nodded for him to open it. Jack lifted the lid and started to move some of the packing material. When he reached the case, he looked at Elizabeth again.

"Bella." Jack said. "Is this what I think it is?"

"Pull it out." Elizabeth said.

She helped Jack move the packing material and he lifted the guitar case out. She then moved the the lid back on the crate so he could set the case down. Jack then undid the latches and opened the case. Jack stared for a few moments and then walked around the chair and pulled Elizabeth into an embrace and held her for a moment.

"Jack." Elizabeth said. "Do you like it?"

"I love it Bella." Jack said. "Where did you find that. It is almost exactly like the one that my father gave me and that was damaged in Fort Garry."

"Your mother told me the brand." Elizabeth said. "I asked Dee to help me. He knows more about guitars then I do, so when I told him that your father had given you a Martin, but that it was damaged, he found one for you."

"I love it." Jack said. "Thank you."

Jack leaned down and kissed Elizabeth. He probably would have held her longer, but the timer for supper went off. Elizabeth excused herself to checked the oven. She pulled the shepherd's pie out of the oven and placed it on the table. Jack came and sat down. He took Elizabeth's hand and offered a prayer.

"Heavenly Father." Jack said. "Thank you for this providing this food. Please bless it to our bodies. Thank you for Elizabeth and her care for me. Thank you for our friends and family. Please keep them safe. Amen."

"Amen." Elizabeth said.

They enjoyed their supper and tried to keep the conversation light. Elizabeth teased Jack that he now had no excuse not to play guitar for her. He told her that he needed to practice a little before he felt comfortable playing. Both were full and didn't have cobbler right away. Elizabeth encouraged Jack to play with is new guitar while she cleaned up. She enjoyed listening to him tune and pluck at the guitar while she cleaned up. When she was done, she went and sat in the armchair to be close to Jack. She could tell that he was in a much better mood. Jack played a couple simple songs for Elizabeth. She let Jack know that she was tired and that she was heading up to bed. Jack said that he was going to stay downstairs and play with the guitar a little more. Elizabeth got up and gave Jack a kiss before heading up to bed. She got ready for bed and crawled under the covers. She listened to the music as it drifted up the stairs. Jack didn't stay downstairs long. He banked the fires and headed upstairs. He changed and headed to bed. As soon as he was in bed, Elizabeth snuggled close. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her even closer. Sleep came easy to both of them that night. It had been a long and emotionally week.

Friday, Jack got up with Elizabeth and had breakfast. He had planned to stay home, but he wanted to get up with her. Jack said that he would do the dishes. Elizabeth made a sandwich and some cobbler for her lunch. She kind of wanted Jack to walk her to school, but she understood why he didn't want to. He had promised to talk to someone if he needed. After Elizabeth left for school, Jack played with the guitar a little more. He then went and got dressed for the day. He knew that he wanted to go for a ride. He headed into town and straight to the livery. He wanted to avoid as many people as possible. He saddled Sergeant and stopped by the jail to grabbed a rifle just in case. Jack then headed out on a ride, going south first. He didn't really have a destination in mind, but more of just a ride. He knew that he was feeling well enough physically that he would be sending McGinty home that weekend, so he wanted to have a day to clear his head before he jumped back into work full time.

Elizabeth had a good day at school. They children turned in their writing assignments and she gave them a spelling test. They then did a history lesson before Elizabeth assigned another writing assignment for the weekend from their history lesson. Elizabeth tried to keep busy so as not to worry about Jack. He had seemed fine that morning, but she also knew that he was good at hiding his feelings if he wanted to. She wished that there was something that she could do for Jack, but then she realized that if he wanted he would have asked. Elizabeth ended up letting the kids go about five mintues early that afternoon. After she had packed up her things and straighten the room, she headed to town. She wanted to see if Jack had come in. She learned that he had gone on a ride and hadn't returned yet. Bill let her know that Jack seemed good when he stopped by. He also let her know not worry about Jack, he would be home and that riding was a good thing. Elizabeth let Bill know that she was heading home if Jack was looking for her. She went over to the mercantile and picked up a few things that they would need for the weekend and then headed right home. She put the supplies away and sat her her writing desk. She wanted to start in on the grading that she had for the weekend.

Jack enjoyed his ride. He found it nice to be able to just ride and have to worry about where he was going and when he had to get back. He was able to just enjoy being out on his horse. He hadn't had that in a long time. He was able to think about things and clear his head. He made peace with what had happened to his father and the direction his life had taken. He realized that Elizabeth made him happy and that he wanted to be happy. That didn't mean that there wouldn't hard times or times when memories would creep up. He also knew that being happy was a choice. He rode for a few hours and then stopped and ate some of the food that he had brought with. After he ate, he started to make his way back to Hope Valley. When he arrived back in town, I was past the time that school got out. He headed to the livery and took care of Sergeant. He also spent some time with Thor. He head stopped by the jail and dropped off the rifle. Bill let him know that Elizabeth had stopped by and had headed home. Bill made sure that Jack was okay before he let him go. Bill may not have been one to show his emotions, but that didn't mean that he didn't care. He looked at Jack like a son.

Both Jack and Elizabeth were looking forward to a quiet weekend. It had been agreed that McGinty could head back to Benson Hills after Sunday services. Jack was grateful that he agreed to stick around for most of the weekend so he could spend time with Elizabeth. Jack knew that he would have to get back into a routine. He spent some time with Elizabeth on Saturday talking about the routine that Jack wanted and she agreed that it was probably better that they have a set routine, but both also understood that things happen. Jack planned to ride full rounds on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. He would do spot checks on Tuesday and Thursday. He also planned to be available to walk Elizabeth home from school most days if she wanted. They also agreed that they would try to limit eating out to a couple times a week. They liked to support Abigail, but they also want to start putting money away and plan ahead for things. It wasn't like they were hurting for money, but Elizabeth didn't want to use money from her family unless it was really needed. She was glad that Jack understood and agreed that they should be able to live off the salary that both were bringing in.

Both wanted a family and Jack still wanted to build a house for Elizabeth. He didn't mind the row house, but he knew once they started having kids, that they would out grow it quickly. Jack knew that he had some money put away. Jack had already picked out the perfect spot and put money down on the land with the money that he had received just before Christmas. Elizabeth knew that Jack was planning on building a house, but she didn't know much more beyond that. Jack was excited to start building when the weather got nice enough. Jack couldn't wait for them to be into their own house. He also knew that he needed to start working on plans and meet with Lee. Jack had been able to get the land that was just outside of town and where he had taken Elizabeth when he thought he was leaving for Cape Fullerton. It had a gorgeous view of the mountains and plenty of room for the Thornton Clan as he called it back then