Chapter 4
"Don't plan it all. Let life surprise you a little."
Julia Alverez
"My mind is seriously blown right now."
I keep my eyes on hers, but otherwise stay silent. She scrunches her nose sweetly as though she's embarrassed about something she's about to reveal.
"I don't know why, but I always just presumed Jared was gay. He's such a good looking guy, but I've never once seen him with a girl."
Shock spreads across my face before I can hide it. Bella's light laughter rises between us yet again, coaxing a smile to my lips.
"Don't worry, my gaydar doesn't have the best track record."
Bella moves to the side of her little patio and stops next to a huge wooden barrel she has standing in the shade. Water splashes as she pulls out two water bottles before walking back to where I'm standing to hand me one. I accept her offering, taking a small sip of the icy, cold water. She's still drinking when I decide to turn the tables on her.
"I see you're still pining away after Edward."
Her reaction is instantaneous, water spraying out of her mouth like a fountain. I snicker, tapping my hand lightly against her back as she sputters to catch her breath.
"Leah!" she exclaims after a while.
"What? I just spilled all the beans about my little escapade, now it's your turn."
She's still coughing, but it's calmed down enough for me to pull my hand away. Waiting patiently for her reply, I watch her wipe her eyes to brush away a few tears as she nervously bites her bottom lip. A light pink slowly spreads across her cheeks before she finally responds.
"Is it really that obvious?"
A large part of me wants to be blunt about it, but I stop myself when I see how anxious she is.
Shaking my head, I make sure to keep my expression open, but neutral.
"Nah, I just remember you were pretty smitten with him back in high school and seeing that you've both moved back home-," my voice trails off as I throw the ball back in her corner.
She looks away, fidgeting with the water bottle in her hands, clearly uncomfortable.. I'm just about to tell her to forget about it and change the subject, when she yet again surprises me with her honesty.
"Smitten, huh? God, if it was only that," she shakes her head.
"My infatuation with him back in high school was borderline obsessive and I can't really explain why I felt so strongly about him. I mean we never even talked," she pauses.
"Edward probably didn't even know I existed back then. I was this terrified little mouse who hid behind a mountain of books while he roamed the halls with the confidence of a king."
My lips curl into a half-smile at her pretty accurate description.
"Him moving back to Forks kind of threw me. I'd spent years building up my confidence, making sure I wasn't the same girl that I was back in high school, but for some reason whenever I see him, I just-," she shrugs.
"It's like I'm right back where I started. Hiding in the shadows as I love him from afar."
Bella's wistful and resigned tone, pulls at my heartstrings, but at the same time makes me want to slap her silly.
"Bella, you're lightyears away from the girl you used to be. You've been brave enough to work through your issues and you've managed to build a successful business doing something that you clearly love. Any man would be lucky to have you."
A whisper of a smile touches her lips at my words.
"Have you tried spelling it out for him?"
She looks confused, so I quickly continue.
"Have you tried taking matters into your own hands by asking him out? Hell, Edward might need for you to lay a kiss on him just to get through that thick skull of his."
The horrified expression on Bella's face makes me laugh.
"I'm serious. Edward's a good guy, but when it comes to girls, he can be pretty clueless."
"What do you mean? He's always had girls flinging themselves at him left and right," Bella argues.
"Exactly," I pause, trying to make my point.
Bella huffs out in frustration, clearly not getting what I'm trying to tell her. In fact, if looks could kill, I'd probably be six feet under by now. Making my voice soft, I do what I can to spell it out for her.
"Bells, Edward has never had to make an effort when it comes to gaining female attention, ever. I'm not saying that you should throw yourself at him, in fact I think playing a little hard to get might be exactly what he needs. However, the timid wallflower act will get you nowhere. The boy needs some incentive."
Her bottom lip disappears between her teeth as she carefully considers my words. I can actually see the wheels turning behind her expressive eyes.
"You're a beautiful woman, Bella. If he can't see that, then it's his loss."
She reaches her empty hand out and gives my hand a grateful squeeze, but doesn't say anything. Glancing down at my watch, I release a reluctant sigh when I see what time it is.
"Do you want me to come with you?" Bella asks, her voice full of compassion.
Her genuine kindness sends a wave of emotion through me and I feel my throat grow thick. The reality of why I'm here, hits me like a ton of bricks. My parents are dead. A lone tear trickles down the side of my cheek as I simply nod in response to her question. When I'd left Seattle to come here, I felt fully prepared to settle things on my own, but now-. The numbness and anger I felt after receiving the news was slowly fading, making everything infinitely more difficult. Bella wraps an arm around my waist, showing her support and I send her what must be a wobbly smile.
"Let's go."
§§§
Neither of us say much as we make our way back to the parking lot of her café. It's clear that she's delighted by my car, which gives us both a much needed distraction. However, the light tone between us quickly fades as we get closer and closer to Mr. Jenks' office. When we eventually pull up into the parking lot, I literally feel sick to my stomach. Turning off the ignition, we both sit in silence for a few moments staring blindly out of the windows.
"You okay?" she asks, coaxing me back to reality.
"As okay as can be expected, I guess," I say, exhaling deeply as I try to settle my rolling stomach.
"Leah, how much do you know about the current state of the farm?"
Automatically, I shake my head, keeping my eyes fixed on the main entrance as I try to mentally picture myself walking through it.
"I haven't spoken to my parents since I left over ten years ago, Bella."
My voice sounds distant and strangely soft considering the bitterness I've felt and harsh reality I've had to face all on my own. Flickering my eyes to hers, I inhale deeply through my nose, trying to prepare myself for what's to come.
"I don't give a fuck about the farm."
An emotion I can't really explain crosses her face and I see that she wants to argue, but I'm too wound up inside to take it.
"Leah, there are things you need to know."
"Bells, please. Let's just go inside."
I'm out the door before either of us can really react.
"Leah, wait!"
Forcing my body forward, I yank the door open and rush inside, afraid that if I stop to reconsider, I'll be back in my car in a matter of seconds, speeding down the highway as fast as I can, unable and unwilling to face this. I'm so focused on my task at hand that I don't notice the large, male body that is suddenly in my path. I hit him hard, each of us releasing mirroring groans of pain, before I quickly realize that my body is being propelled backwards as a result of the impact. Losing my balance, I instinctively reach out for something to grasp onto, my hands curling around a pair of noticeably bulging biceps as the man simultaneously reacts by stopping my fall by wrapping his arms securely around my waist and pulling me against him.
His rich and spicy scent is the first thing I recognize, causing every inch of my body to explode with heat as a tidal wave of sensual memories thunder through my mind. My breath catches as our eyes meet, sending a thrill of desire and feminine appreciation through me so strong that it completely overpowers any other emotion or rational thought I might have. It's "my" bartender.
"You," I whisper, my voice breathless and needy.
His thick eyebrows pinch together in concentration and his jaw clenches, his grip tightening around my waist as he pulls me even closer, making it possible for me to feel his warmth against the entire length of my body. Jesus.
"Paul," Bella's voice pierces through our little bubble and I'm surprised by the deep disappointment I feel when his dark onyx gaze reluctantly leaves mine.
"Bella," he greets her, his voice gruff and a little harsh.
Curling his fingers around my waist, he clears his throat before pulling back ever so slightly, creating a little bit of space between us without releasing me completely.
"What are you doing here?"
His voice is far more welcoming now, as though he's realized how impolite he's just been, however, I can sense a hint of something darker in his tone.
"I'm here to support Leah," she pauses, her jade eyes finding mine before she trails down to where my hands are leaning against my stranger-, Paul's wide chest.
"I- uh," I stutter, feeling my face explode with heat as embarrassment flows through me at the absurdity of the situation.
What the hell is going on with me?
Needing to clear my head and feel more like myself, I carefully extricate myself from his warm and welcoming embrace, my body screaming out in disagreement. Feeling his dark eyes following my every move, I quickly wet my dry lips and do what I can to get a firm hold on myself.
"I'm Leah Clearwater," I say, reaching out my hand to officially introduce myself to him, hoping to distract Bella from reading too much into my reaction to him. My breath hitches ever so slightly when his eyes simply fall to my outstretched hand and he doesn't react.
"Paul Lahote," he finally responds, taking my hand in his as he shakes it formally.
A jolt of desire shoots down my spine as I'm reminded of just how effortlessly his hands had played along my body, awakening a fire of searing hot lust in their wake. Pulling my hand from his, I inhale sharply as I try to maintain some semblance of control. Luckily, we're all forced out of our little strange bubble when one of the side doors opens, revealing a plump, elderly man with a receding hairline.
"Oh, good! You're both here, right on time. Please come in."
He doesn't introduce himself, but the plaque on his enormous desk makes it obvious that he is the infamous Jason Jenks, my parents' lawyer. Reality washes over me like an icy waterfall and I immediately feel my heartbeats accelerate in my chest as panic begins to rise. Before I have a chance to even consider fleeing the scene, I feel Bella's small hand in mine as she steps up next to me to show her support. Deliberately, I do what I can to ignore the man next to me, allowing Bella to lead me inside of Mr. Jenks' small office. We quickly find our seats and I begin to prepare myself for what's about to come. I'm so lost in my own thoughts that I almost don't react when the chair next to me squeaks under the weight of someone finding their seat. Glancing over, I'm shocked to find Paul seated stiffly next to me, however before I have a chance to question why the hell he's here, Mr. Jenks begins to speak.
"Miss Clearwater, Mr. Lahote, welcome."
His expression is serious, but his tone of voice is surprisingly warm. Hearing my old name feels incredibly strange. After running away, I'd quickly changed my name to Leah Jones, making it difficult for anyone from my past to track me down.
"The sudden death of Harry and Sue was a great shock and you both have my sincere condolences."
Confusion begins to build as Mr. Jenks addresses both Paul and I in equal measure.
"Luckily, they made sure to keep their will updated and actually met with me last year to make some final edits."
My stomach turns uncomfortably, my heart pounding in my chest as he glances down at the official document in his hand.
"It's actually quite simple. They've left all of their possessions and the ownership of the farm to the both of you."
What the-?
Mr. Jenks pulls out two thick envelopes and places it in front of each of us as though it's the most natural thing in the world.
"They also left each of you a letter."
Blinking rapidly, I glance down at the crisp, white envelope feeling a string of uncontrollable emotions bubble dangerously inside of me. The surrounding walls begin to close in on me and I feel my heartbeats race as uncontrollable panic surges up inside of me. Unable to stay in the room for another second, I jump to my feet and grab the envelope from the desk. Then I proceed by running out the door. I hear Mr. Jenks and Bella call my name, but I'm too lost in my head to even register what they're saying. Finally outside, I take a deep breath of fresh air, desperately trying to evade the familiar signs of a panic attack. I try not to think about how long it's been since my last attack. Collapsing against a nearby wall, I draw my knees to chest, wrapping my arms around them as I lean my head down and focus all of my attention on my breathing. Soon, I feel my vision clear as the panic slowly subsides. I sense his presence even before I open my eyes.
"Who the hell are you?"
His tired sigh reveals a hint of shame.
"I've worked on the farm for the past five years. Your par-," he stops himself. "Harry and Sue took me in. They gave me a home. A purpose."
A harsh laugh falls from my lips and I raise my head to meet his gaze. He's standing a few feet away from me, carefully keeping his distance.
"What a fucking pair of saints."
My voice drips with disdain and sarcasm. Paul immediately clenches his jaw so tightly that I swear I can hear his teeth snap, and I watch in fascination as his expression turns hot with anger, before he manages to regain some control.
"They were good to me, Leah."
Shaking my head in disbelief, I keep my eyes on the crisp envelope in my hand. There's a part of me that desperately wants to rip it into a million small pieces without even reading it, but I know I won't be able to do that.
"Nice to hear they were good to someone," I say as I get to my feet, bitterness dripping from my tone.
Paul takes a step towards me, his dark eyes alight with something I can't put my finger on.
"They loved you, Leah, and they deeply regretted what happened. How they didn't support you when you needed them."
Waving my hand in front of me to make him stop, I close my eyes tightly as an acute pain cuts through my chest.
"Don't!"
I can see that he wants to argue, but thankfully my words and reaction shuts him up. Desperate to change the direction of our conversation, I lock my eyes onto his, making sure to hold his gaze as I speak.
"Was last night a part of some sick joke? Did you know it was me all along?"
Paul winces openly.
"No," he quickly replies, but I can clearly see the shame and regret on his face.
Shaking my head, I begin walking towards my car.
"Leah! Please, let me explain."
I can hear his heavy footsteps behind me. His words fuel the anger and sense of betrayal inside of me. Whirling on my heel, I take him by surprise when I suddenly turn and jam my finger into his chest.
"You fucking son of a bitch! You took advantage of me and you-!"
"I didn't realize it was you to begin with!" he shouts, successfully causing me to swallow my string of accusations.
His breath tickles the skin of my face as he releases it sharply, his dark eyes are wild with emotion and for some reason I become distinctly aware of our proximity, but can't find the energy in me to move.
"Fuck, Leah, will you please just listen?!"
I don't think I'd be able to answer him if I wanted to.
"I was attracted to you, desperately so. You really look different from the pictures that your parents have around the house. Or perhaps the truth is that I didn't want to see the resemblance because I knew what that would mean."
His dark eyes plead into mine as he desperately tries to explain.
"When you started talking about your Dad, a few pieces started clicking into place and yes, there was probably a part of me that somehow knew, but I ignored it because I literally couldn't help myself. There's something about you, something that I-."
A spark of hope and an unfamiliar yearning rises up inside of me in reaction to his words, but I quickly push it back, his betrayal is too great; the anger and bitterness towards my parents are too strong.
"Something you could easily exploit."
Paul stares at me as though I've struck him, but before I can examine the guilt welling up in my gut, I continue.
"I'm selling the farm."
Shock renders him speechless, giving me the opening I need to walk away from him, opening the door to my car. Just before I'm able to get into my car, I feel his fingers wrap around my wrist, forcing me to a complete stop. The anger on his face is now evident sending a thrill through me that I can't really explain.
"You're not selling the farm!" he orders, sending fuel to the flame raging inside of me.
"YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" I scream, breaking free of his hold.
"Oh, sweetheart, but I do. As joint owner, I have all the right. And we aren't selling," he says calmly with steely determination in his tone.
Holding his gaze, I briefly consider either slapping or kissing him senseless, but thankfully I do neither. Taking a calming breath through my nose, I make sure to hold his gaze as I deliver my final words.
"You'll hear from my lawyer."
Then I get into my car, and speed out of the parking lot as though the Devil is chasing at my heels.
