Loyalties:

Mass Effect Trilogy is a Bioware game. For any reference to the Official Game All rights are owned by Bioware. The Fan Fiction "Mass Effect At Dawn Again" is fruit of my imagination and my work, it is a free tribute, passionate and personal to a great video game. It is not allowed any use partial or total for profit and not.


What the whole world needs, this year more than ever, is hope and love. Exactly what Christmas really means.

Best wishes, everybody, for a real Merry Christmas and a promising New Year! :)


Chapter 45

Dark into darkness!

Seen up close, the conduit was even more disturbing than I ever imagined! The dark velvet of the night seemed painfully torn by a tremendous hit with a razor through the darkness. For a few minutes now that violent slap of light was raging mercilessly against our eyes, almost unbearably. It seemed huge, unattainable and dangerous like hell. However, it was the gigantic silhouette, which was descending in defense of the beam that flooded my heart with genuine terror!

Harbinger's blackish figure fell down out of heaven, lethal and measureless. Its mighty metallic paws crushed the clouds beneath them, strongly. The reaper landed noisily, right behind the beam. Mountains of rock rose, shattering the ground into pieces, with the violence of an earthquake. Every menacing movement of its colossal claws, stirred the earth, and made it boil in the bottom of our feet. A squall of thuds, somber and deafening, rumbled in the air, like the thunders of a storm. We could feel them vibrating in our stomach, as a painful echo.

When the ground finally stopped agonizing, a vast silence filled everything, only interrupted by the malevolent clattering of enormous Harbinger's eyes. They scoured in our direction and watched us menacingly, with ravenous determination. Fog and smoke slipped out the multitude of fires, which puffed abundantly into the distance, like a writhing mass of venomous vipers. Their menacing shadows of death stretched out upon our cruel reality. Some sort of unreal stillness was looming. So dense and pregnant with expectation. Apprehension clung to our throat, like a suffocating claw able to chill our breaths.

The more I stared at the hypnotic glare of those bloody eyes, the more I felt crushed under the unbearable weight of our limitations. I tried to get rid of the unpleasant feeling that those limits were about to become insurmountable! Fortunately, the urgency of delineating the safest path to the beam caused the terrifying thought to slip into a secondary corner of my mind, where it seemed unable to confirm my sense of foreboding.

With a further effort of will, I tried to gather within me what little energy I had left. The cold air, which penetrated my armor through the armholes, froze in pearls the little droplets of sweat on my back. The shower of chills that followed was damn unpleasant, but at least, it gave me a precious dose of vitality.

I was exhausted. I was not willing to admit it, even to myself, but I had a worrying need for new energy. My supplements had run out towards the end of the last fight, and my biotics were beginning to weaken. I knew that, even my barrier would become dangerously unreliable, soon. Luckily, I could take comfort in something truly inexhaustible: the boundless measure of the love I feel for you! I could feel it beating fiercely in every heartbeat, swelling at every breath, exploding inside my chest and, by the Goddess! I had no intention of letting you go through that last, terrifying feat without me!

From the rise where we were standing, I motionless stared at the distance was separating us from our target. Silently at your side, with a soul brimmed with resolute intentions, and a head tangled with tumultuous thoughts. I was feeling a growing need to fill my eyes with your face. Instinctively, I turned to you, as touched my own forehead with the back of my hand, unconsciously. As soon as my eyes slipped into yours, I realized you were looking at me intensely, without speaking. I wasn't surprised at all. On the contrary, I had the distinct feeling that you knew exactly all my thoughts. And the emotions that pulsed in my heart, you knew them personally, one by one.

I immediately sensed your controlled calm and was relieved. However, you seemed tired too. A small reddish wound came out from under your slightly sweaty hair. It was nothing, given what we had been through. Although a few spots, dense and dark marked the shape of your cheeks and forehead. They didn't wear out your breathtaking beauty even remotely. Both our armors were smeared here and there with the same dirt. Our equally tested appearance made it clear how exhausting it had been to be there. Thanks the Goddess, you still had the usual light, fearless and stubborn, which sparks your eyes when in mission.

I let myself be enveloped in your caring face. The eyes of yours full of tenderness slipped gently into the depths of me, like a caress in the soul. For a wonderful moment, we spoke without words, just a nod of understanding. A slight smile of confidence rekindled our hope, as our hearts got warmed, like at the warm candle light. We were together! My destiny was completely connected with your own. Exactly what I had always wanted! I was infinitely grateful to the Goddess for this. Nevertheless, I could not help but feel terrified of losing you forever!

S: Hey, don't worry, we have to just run! The dirty bastard is left alone. So, we can totally focus on it. We just gotta keep our tail from its line of fire.

You broke the silence first, responding to my thoughts. Your measured tone and protective revealed an intention to ease my concern, not so well concealed as I hoped. Although that kind of benefit was pretty questionable, I did indeed welcome it as a small point in our favour.

I turned on my omnitool, by reflex, and began examining the map of thermal scans, with diligent precision. Although part of me struggled hard to dispel a growing concern, I was good at not letting further uncertainties or fears leak out.

L: You're right, Shepard. I'm not detecting any organic form from here to the beam. The Reaper is alone, and... well, I guess we're incredibly small in its eyes!

I said cautiously, casting a lopsided glance in the direction of the Reaper.

L: Maybe, if we head west and stay in the rear, we'll get confused in the smoke of debris, just enough to get close to the beam and sneak in before the Harbinger notices us, but... it's probably like asking for the moon!

I ventured, rolling my eyes, as I let out a sigh of frustration.

S: Great idea, though! I was actually thinking about using smoke bombs to get some screen in the sections without cover.

You nodded, promptly. A convincing grimace of approval on your face. We were mindful, how foolhardy, our plan may have been, but a plan it was. We began to glimpse a dinky glimmer. The chance, tiny as it was, of getting to the beam alive was exactly what we needed.

S: Here. You do it, man!

You suggested, as you handed your grenade launcher and ammunition belt to Garrus, looking at him with a half a smile and confident eyes.

G: You bet, pal. I'm not asking for anything better!

It was the usual, predictable response and reassuring we were waiting for. Our friend carefully secured the ammunition to his belt. So he started loading the grenade launcher slowly, methodically, precisely. His jaws were vibrating with excitement the whole time. He couldn't stop his lips from curling into a greedy, pointed smile.

All that remained of Hammer stood from behind us, waiting for the order to attack, restlessly. Anderson was focused on carefully placing our troops in position and instructing them with the final details of the maneuver. Unfortunately, our target was not as close as we had hoped, but we could only continue. Our slim chances of survival were inextricably linked with that beam!

From our high ground, we dominated the entire distance we had to cover. An endless last quarter mile of land, completely uncovered, separated us from our goal. Our only option was to jump in a mad rush at the mercy of the Reaper's deadly plasma rays. A little smoke, as our only protection. Just a frantic cover fire, as desperately inadequate diversion!

I stiffened the moment Anderson's called out to you, shattering the anticipation. In the space of a breath, my heart slipped to the bottom of my stomach, to jump down my throat like a missile immediately after. I held my breath, begging to remain impassive. Luckily, all eyes were drawn to the Admiral, who strode towards you.

S: Sir!

You said, respectfully, giving him a short nod. Anderson first nodded back, then beckoned you to follow him, unreadable face. You've gone far enough to make your conversation private. However, judging by his gestures and your sombre face, the subject of your conversation was not a hard deduction.

I had the distinct feeling that, the number of survivors was decidedly lower than expected. The consistency of our allied forces seemed largely inferior to our initial contingent. However, the troops had stopped converging towards our assembly area. Unfortunately, that could only mean that Hammer had suffered extremely heavy casualties.

Your brief conversation ended with a warm handshake, which turned into a frugal embrace, soon after. Your shimmery glances separated, painfully. Without words. In no time, you were already striding along the very short distance backwards. Meanwhile the Admiral reached the head of our army, just as quickly.

It seemed incredible and yet, that meager handful of seconds, it was enough for you to regain complete control of your emotions. I knew well that I would not find any trace of residual emotion in your willful gaze, nor anxiety or concern. I knew even better, that it was just a matter of self-control, but for a very brief moment, I forced myself to be glad. Of course, Garrus knew you perfectly well, too.

G: So, it's as bad as it looks, isn't it?

Your best friend caught your attention first, bluntly. I stood thoughtfully by your side, watching your reactions carefully. I was quite sure that you would first report any positive options. So, I fervently hoped there were left many!

S: Yeah! I don't wanna lie you. Our forces are more than halved. So, Anderson just informed me that a contingent of allies and some heavy vehicles were on their way here, but they got counter-ordered. Enemy troops are rapidly converging on us, in large numbers. They're located a couple of miles from here. So, our people cut them off, and are trying to keep them occupied for as long as possible. That's why we have to move quickly! The good news is that without the reapers' troops in the way, we get a clear shot to the beam.

You have calmly concluded, carefully concealing any signs of perplexity. Nonetheless, the complete absence of emotion in your voice, and your controlled gestures, it made me guess, that the measure of your fear was not much different than my own. If Garrus had noticed it, however, he pretended not to. He nodded instead, with apparent detachment, returning a calibrated look.

G: I see. No distractions, then. The sooner we start and the sooner we reach the bloody ray. I agree with Liara. If we focus on the Harbinger, we might have a shot. What's the plan?

He hastened to ask with eyes of approval. While you were talking I was listening to your voice with emotional involvement. I felt it ebb and flow through my veins, like a tidal wave, slowly rising, until it completely enveloped the shore.

S: The plan is simple. Anderson wants us to stand on the sideline for a while. We might have a better chance if move when the reaper's distracted enough. I gonna lead the way and find our path with the best coverage. Garrus, you're gonna keep us constantly inside a smokescreen. We need to blend in with the scarce debris as best we can.

You talked for a few more minutes, briefing all details to us, with the usual determination. Our friend was watching you, in silent concentration. He nodded, eyes glittered with respectful devotion.

G: Roger that!

He said, before checking the grenade launcher again. He made it dance in his safe hands, with rapid movements and graceful.

S: Liara, I want you to stay behind me. Keep your eyes on the Harbinger and keep moving. Don't let it aim at you no matter what. It's gonna be fine!

L: Indeed!


The frantic race began. The first group of foot soldiers attended by the ephemeral protection of a dozen heavy vehicles, was already throwing towards the beam, loudly. From our privileged vantage point, we waited, like in apparent stasis condition, ready to follow them at your command.

They rushed forward, like a synchronized horde of tiny warrior ants, bravely indifferent to the devastating violence of a huge erupting volcano. The din of the assault burbled at the bottom of the stomach, mingled with painful thorns of fear. A deafening sound of battle struck the air roasted by the deadly explosions. The brave ants fell down, swept away in clusters. The three of us watched from our safe shelter, silently. We had to fight hard not to give up to desperate tears, which rose from the depths of our soul, and staggered to the edge of our eyes, wiped away from anger. An undefinable smell of burning, which came from the battlefield, crept dangerously into our nostrils, like a maleficent flash-forward.

Every muscle, every single nerve and cell in the body was stiffened to the maximum tolerable tension. The waiting made impatience hammering in the chest, like a chaotic bustle of drums. Strange to say, but when Garrus and I heard you shout out the order to spring into action, it had the unexpected taste of a reward.

S: Let's move, now!

We were ready. Your voice shot us in battle, like bullets. We ran at breakneck speed, from the rear of the second wave. Our exhaustion washed away by beneficent adrenaline rushes. We were advancing rapidly, thanks to the smoke screen and the providential covering of the smoking remains of some destroyed tanks. Nevertheless, at every step, we risked of being struck accidentally, by one of the reaper deadly rays, which cut through in all directions, vaporizing anyone in their range.

You were moving a few steps ahead of me, skillfully. Your back was my safe haven as you led the way, looking for the best path. Judging by the sound of the grenade launcher, I could pinpoint exactly where Garrus was behind me. Every time we got close to a dead zone, I readily heard the reassuring sound of a grenade being thrown behind me.

S: Watch out for debris and stray bullets! Shooting is pointless! Better being focused on barriers and shields.

The fundamental observation exploded through the comm. Some sort of spirited conviction in your voice made me audacious and urged to move on. At that moment I was grateful for such a precious incentive. We had covered more than half the distance. Unfortunately, before our very eyes, death was rapidly piling up on the battlefield.

A multitude of soldiers was vaporized by the reaper plasma sabers. Some of us, horribly burned by the deadly air, which became red-hot all around the impacts. Regrettably, it wasn't just the deadly plasma rays. Sometimes, other of us were hit even by the large blocks of soil, which splattered into the air whenever a target was missed. Floods of debris rained from the sky, like a furious hail, hitting anyone who was in its path.

In the midst of that frightful roar hell, we too kept running, our eyes fixed on our fate. Teeth gritted, just like everyone else there, we were hoping for good luck. Actually, after traveling unharmed, more than two-thirds of the distance, we even started to feel vaguely lucky. The conduit seemed so close that we could touch it. Just one last effort, and we could do it! We were so close! So close that I dared to imagine we were really going to win!

That wonderful thought gave me the strength to keep running, despite my body desperately rebelling to the effort. My sore muscles seemed to explode inside the armor. The need for oxygen consumed my lungs, which were burning in my chest, becoming more voracious, breath after breath. A brutal tiredness weighed on my back, like a boulder, which challenged the resistance of my body and mind. I wanted to resist, with my whole being. I clenched my fists tighter, and revived my barrier for the nth time, mechanically.

Garrus and I were a little behind due to the umpteenth explosion falling dangerously close. The moment I turned my head to look for you through the smoke, the Harbinger struck again. I saw the reaper's beam hit in the centre of some Makos. We were too close to be safe. I immediately realized that one of the transports was about to land on you. From your position, the smoke covered the impact area. You seemed completely unaware of the danger. I had no time to do anything, not even to shout.

Terror exploded in my heart, like a grenade. Within the space of a thought, my mind jumped into your mind, screaming your name … - Shepard, watch out! - … My wide eyes opened in your gaze to pour into your eyes the very image of the Mako that was flying towards you.

The sudden awareness caused your immediate reaction. Your heart raced into mine almost bursting. I could feel the rush of adrenaline running through your veins, flowing through my own. I shared the beneficial effect of cold clarity in your warrior mind, which calculated in a split second the exact time to act.

You've let yourself fall down. The painful strain of your body hitting the ground made me stagger. Without worrying about the excruciating pain in your shoulder, ignoring the fear, you started to roll quickly in the opposite direction, at the exact moment when the Mako passed over your head, like a missile. … - Thanks! - … It was the first thing. Your warm, grateful voice filled me with joy from the inside right after. I was feeling buzzed of your own exhilaration. I just wanted to stare at the soothing darkness, from the intimacy of your closed eyes. Being able to enjoy the happiness of your smile in my smile. To be overwhelmed with heartbeats of my heart in your heart, rocked with my love in your own. However, our perfect moment has been too short and evanescent.

The next blast was sudden and very close. Garrus and I got our way blocked up by a Mako put down right in front of us, heavily. For an endless moment and unpredictable the transport stood precariously balanced, hovering over its own snout. I couldn't help but stare at it, stock still, as paralyzed. It was clear that it was about to crash on us. However, we were for sure too close to avoid it, and perhaps too tired to try to escape.

Your desperate scream in my mind was the only thing that could cause in me an immediate response. Your eyes wide open in the only possible direction led my reaction. … - Jump, jump, go!... Now! - … I could hear you in my head, clearly. Before I knew it, I'd already jumped. I threw myself in the direction of your providential gaze, with every ounce of energy I had left, and something more.

There was no time to think. Living or dying was just a matter of inches, a game of split seconds. With every fiber of myself, I didn't want to leave you alone! Every gesture I made, every emotion was shared and reflected in you, like an echo. I took a big leap driven both by our love and cold lucidity. I escaped the tremendous explosion for a hair's breadth. Unfortunately, not the shock wave, though.

I got the feeling of flying, at first, like trapped in unbearable heat, weightless, and timeless. … - Stay focused! Use your biotics, Liara, now! - … You were still driving my thoughts, in a commanding tone. My barrier ignited, instantly. I felt lifted up in the air a split second later, whipped away, then crushed violently to the ground, much further back. The noise around was deafening. First of all, I had to struggle to keep from fainting. Then, a shower of splinters hit me. Thanks the Goddess, the barrier has softened the blow, and was cancelling most of the damage. Unfortunately, I couldn't hold it long enough. So, I found myself on the ground, very confused, stunned and sore.

My face was burning. The pain in my left side raging intolerable, like a dagger stuck through my flesh. I tried to get back on my feet, but in vain. The pain bleared my eyes and got my legs as soft as water. Something horrible was buzzing in my ears, and I didn't have enough air to breathe. I was floating halfway between sleep and waking, trapped in a state of semi-unconsciousness, which I could barely resist. I kept repeating your name in my mind, in your mind … - Emy! Emy! Emy! - … Trying to convince myself that I was too strong to pass out.

I couldn't tell you how long it was before I realized I was on the ground, barely able to raise my head, and in desperate need to see your face. When I started to hear your loving voice spreading through me again, it was like breathing in a breath of fresh air. … - Hold on, my love! I'm on my way! - … I saw you make a great leap through dust and flames. You seemed capable of flying suspended in the air. I was still gawping, as you jumped off the roof of a Transport and rushed to me, heart pounding. The relief of your hands that lifting me up was immediate. It was like waking up from a nightmare, in the safe haven of your arms. I saw Garrus coming towards us, limping badly. He was covered with dust and bruises, but seemed in one piece and able to walk.

I began to recover, slowly. Still, I had to hold on to you to get back on my feet. You stared at me with wide-open, concerned eyes and didn't say a word. The night all around kept looking like the same dark tragedy, chaotic and dusty. Smoke was spreading in warm stains over the battlefield. It concealed the living and the dead, roughly. Patches of moon illuminated their own path through the clouds, like an unfinished puzzle. The scent of courage spread like wildfire, inextricably mixed with the noise of the assault and the smell of flames and burned flesh. The area was too exposed. We absolutely needed to get cover, quickly. Preferably, before the Harbinger aimed its beam at us again.

S: Hey, are you okay? Oh, Baby Girl... you scared the hell out of me! Here, let me help you. C'mon, let's try walking! We better get out of here!

Your fingers brushed my face, like a gentle breeze and lovely. You were anxiously looking in my eyes, trying to reassure me, and figure out how serious my wounds could be. However, you were good to keep a shadow of apprehension at bay behind the restrained attitude of your voice. I was still unable to speak. So, I nodded in response, as convincingly as I could.

Limping in silence, we reached the Mako now overturned on its side, a few steps ahead of us. The excruciating pain in my side got worse with every step, but I gritted my teeth. We were together, and I had no intention of giving up. Despite this, those few steps seemed like an endless journey. I let myself slide down, my back pressed against the providential refuge of cold blackened sheet metal. I had to catch my breath. I felt like I had just climbed a mountain.

S: Come on, let me see...

You said, softly. Your lips barely ruffled in a reassuring smile, as you gently took away my hand from my aching hip. Immediately after, your body became as stiff as marble. When I met your gaze again, you struggled to push a flash of terror deep in your eyes this time. Without talking, you carefully placed the medigel on the wound and called the Normandy immediately after.

S: Normandy do you copy? I need an Evac, right now!

For a long moment, nothing but interference buzzed in the air. It went for our ears, like a swarm of furious wasps. We all waited with bated breath at every repeated attempt. Finally, the familiar voice of Joker has begun to make its way through the noise. First in sporadic flashes, then increasingly clear and understandable.

J: We're taking heavy losses...

Joker's nervous tone and desolate contained in a few terrible words all of the cruel drama we were going through. Even with a funereal knot of sadness, which distressed our stomach, we were relieved to know the Normandy, and all her beloved crew, was still in one piece!

S: Yeah, Joker... I'm fucking know that, man! Just... hold on guys! We're very close to the beam! C'mon, patch me through to the Doc, now!

You whispered in a maternal tone, with no betrayal of a note of compulsive and suffering concern. Without adding anything else, you gave Garrus a nervous look. He promptly nodded back, to assure you that he was already checking we weren't in imminent danger.

K: Here I am, Shepard. Situation?

The affectionate sternness in Karin's tone quickly spread through the communicator, positively loosening your tension. We had a great esteem in her medical skills, second only to the deep friendship that bound us to her. For a little while we felt safe again.

S: Karin! Get ready to take two injured at the docking hatch. It's about Garrus and Liara!

You stated, bluntly. Karin replied, promptly, with her usual clarity of mind and reassuring. No signs of concern in her voice.

K: Copy that, Commander. Don't worry, I'll take care of them! I'm on my way, with the mobile rescue station. Meanwhile, try to describe as well as you can the nature of their injuries.

I realized I had no idea of my condition until I heard you telling Karin. You spoke quickly, with no particular emotional inflection in your voice, like when you do your best to hide the simmering of your emotions. Nevertheless, it was pretty obvious to my ears that you were worried sick about me.

S: They both were hit by the shock wave of an explosion. Garrus thinks he's got some broken ribs and probably a leg. The old badass here is on his feet though. However, it's quite unlikely he can continue. Liara, however, is still lightheaded. She's pretty alert, but I can't rule out a concussion. No nausea in any case, and she managed to take a few steps, with my help. However, the most serious thing might be a large metal splinter stuck in her left hip. It doesn't go through and through, but looks deep. I dabbed with medigel, it's still bleeding though...

K: I got it. You've been helpful, Commander. We're waiting for you here at the hatch. Everything is ready and under control. It's gonna be fine, Shepard, I promise!

Karin said with conviction. Her reassuring voice came through the communicator, like a pat on the shoulder. That's given us a feeling of reliability at a time of extreme uncertainty.


The familiar silhouette of the Normandy materialized in the spectral sky, like a restorative mirage. Truth be told, I was starting to feel a little better. Especially the unpleasant feeling of lightheadedness was growing dim. The moment our ship hit the ground, I clung to you who thoughtfully helped me on my feet. Some soldiers covered us, as we made our way to the Normandy's loading hatch as fast as we could. Garrus was the first to board.

S: Here, take her!

Those few words resounded in my head, like a gunshot. They took me completely by surprise. It was only then that I realized you weren't going to come with us! My mind had long been confused. Perhaps because of this, I honestly thought we would go away together. I felt very silly, and angry at myself, and terrified.

L: Shepard!

I screamed your name, with all the despair I had in my throat, as I leaned towards you, trying to slip out of Garrus' grasp.

S: You got to get out of here!

You ordered, firmly. Your eyes frozen on my face.

L: No! ... Oh no, I'm not leaving! I won't leave you alone, Shepard! Not this time... not again!

I retorted with all my might. My gleaming eyes of tears were vibrating in yours. My voice trembled with emotion. I could barely keep from bursting into tears while you seemed adamant.

S: Don't argue with me, Liara! You promised, remember?

You replied with glacial timing. You kept staring at me, impassive, as if you didn't even notice my pain.

L: Yes! But, you promised before me! So... you're not leaving me behind!

I whispered in a low voice, swallowing salty tears. Suddenly, all the ice on your face melted away, like snow on a summer day. I felt your soul pulsating with emotion as you came closer. Your surge of love filled my eyes with sweetness. You touched my face with your fingers, caressing my cheek in a gesture of tenderness that cannot be described. We looked at each other, in silence, for a long, intimate moment, in which your heart merged forever into my own...Then, you've talked to me in your sweetest voice.

S: Hey, I'm not leaving you behind, Sweetheart! And you're not leaving me alone! No matter what happens... you're my everything! Every breath of mine is yours for the rest of my life. Promise me to stay alive, my love, because... I couldn't come back in a world without you!

I wanted to tell you a million things, but no words could fully describe the universe of what I felt for You...

L: Shepard, I... put my destiny into yours! Please, let's do it together!

You smiled at me in that sweet way, like when you are about to kiss me. Your bright and piercing eyes were so full of love. Your warm voice and sincere melted my heart in pieces.

S: Liara, I won't do it alone! We're Soulmates, remember? We are one! You'll be at my side, always! You're my strength and determination. You're my enthusiasm and hope. Everything I can imagine most wonderful has the color of your eyes, Baby Girl. But... you're hurt, and I can't risk losing you! Please, go now, my love! You're in urgent need of medical care. Karin's already waiting for you...

Hundreds of words of Love died out in my throat, as I stared at your face, and felt suffocated with pain. I could barely stammer...

L: Shepard... I... I am Yours!

As an eternal promise of my love for you!

S: And I am Yours, Sweetheart! So, please remember... I'll keep my promise, if you'll be waiting for me!

To be Continue...