Next :) It's been a hectic month and I've finally managed to get back into this. I hope you enjoy it. Hope everyone is keeping well.
Robert stood looking out of the bedroom window into the distance with a small smile on his lips. It was that small smile that was barely noticeable, but enough to give him a friendly and soft expression. There was a feeling within him like a nightmare was finally coming to a close after a long and arduous night. Knowing that his daughter was on her way home, on her way to her rightful place had filled him with an inexplicable calm. It was going to be hard, there were still going to be moments, but he knew in himself that it was going to work out somehow. It seemed like months since he had been out in the rain, trying to find her after her dark and sudden vanishing. After seeing her in the hospital, and noticing just how much she had come out of herself, he was confident that things were going to get back to normal. It was what they wanted. It was what they all wanted. It had put the house and everyone in it into a strange and unsettled state. They had spent time tiptoeing around her, for her own benefit of course, but it had left things running at a different pace which he hadn't liked it. It was something he had had to do, but that didn't mean that he had enjoyed it either way. All he had wanted to do was protect her from it all, and maybe he should have gone about it differently, but it was done now. Nothing could be changed. Hindsight, the constant reminder of poor choices and unknowingly bad decisions.
There was a small pressure on his lower back that brought him back to the room, and he turned his head to see his darling wife snake around him until she was stood just ahead of him. The view from the gorgeous Downton landscape had been replaced by something much more appealing. The tension had lifted from his beautiful wife's face. It was obvious that she was feeling the same as him. Their darling girl was coming home. Feeling grateful, he took Cora's hand and placed it on his chest so he could put his arms around her. The warmth of her body was as soothing as any medicine, and he gently rubbed her back with his hand.
"Are you ok, Robert?" she said calmly, her voice reverberating into his chest.
'Oh, yes. Especially with my darling wife in my arms and my daughter on her way home. I feel refreshed almost." Robert rested his chin on the top of Cora's head and took in a deep breath.
"You look a little tired," she said quietly, turning her head up to look at him with critical eyes. "Did you not sleep well?"
Robert smirked knowingly. "You know as well as I, Darling, that there were other things we both had on our mind last night. I likely didn't get as much sleep as I should, but nights like that are always worth it."
Cora chuckled and playfully tapped him with her hand and then wrapped it around him so she could pull him in. Those nights were few and far between these days, but she was glad that they were able to have a full and satisfying marriage when so many out there did not. "Yes. They are very worth it." There was a happy silence between them as they both thought about the night gone by, and then the fact that their daughter was coming home made Cora sigh. "Oh, I'm so glad she's coming back here so she can be near us. I feel confident, especially as she looks so much better in herself now. I know there will be a bit of work, but she has come on leaps and bounds over these past few days. She's strong. Stronger now than she has been and I know she can do this. We can do this. All of us."
"I agree. I am so very thankful to have you here with me. Will she ever go back to being our normal Mary though?" Robert's bottom lip curved downwards just a little as he said it. Could his daughter change for the good? Would she become more cynical and quiet? Would she ever bounce back?
"I don't know, darling," she whispered. "But we will all be by her side to help her when she needs it."
"In fact, I don't know why I would even ask such a question," he said quite glumly, mentally scolding himself. "I know if I ever lost you I would never be the same again."
"Don't," Cora said sharply. "Today is a good day. I don't want to be thinking about such things." Cora leant back and pointed her face up towards him.
"No, you're right," he said sheepishly before turning his attention down to her and smiling. "Are you well, my love?"
Cora nodded slightly and leant up to kiss him. "Of course. We're coming out of the storm, Robert." She smiled happily up at him for a few more moments before placing another gentle kiss on his lips. "Shall we go down? She'll be here soon."
Robert locked his hands together and pulled her as close to him as he could before leaning down and returning the kiss. "Just a few more minutes.
Mrs Hughes stood at the threshold of Carson's pantry, staring at it with an intent level of critique. It honestly looked like it usually did. Everything was in its place. The desk was neatly full of small tokens that he used to get his work completed. Everything was where it needed to be, and there was not a speck of dust in sight. It hadn't taken long to give it the once over just to be sure, and if you looked at it, it only seemed like he had left the room moments before. It didn't feel like he had been gone for as long as he had.
Stepping further into the room she walked around, her eyes moving up and down as she gave everything the Carson critical eye. No, everything was most certainly as it should be and she didn't quite know why she was even checking it again. Maybe it was nerves? Maybe it was because she didn't want to let him down? It was likely a complete amalgamation of the two notions that had her feeling a little on edge. It was the day that she had been waiting for, and she couldn't quite put her finger on the bubbling unease she felt in the pit of her stomach though.
Moving over to his desk she placed her hand on the sturdy surface and gave herself a moment to lean into it. When she thought about the nights she had spent with him as he lay unconscious she felt that pang of worry. It was as if the imprint of that pain she had felt when she thought that she was going to lose him was burnt into her core. What she had to do was rationalise it. It was now, knowing that she loved him as she did and that he felt the same, that was the catalyst to what she was feeling. She had felt the worry of the prospect of losing him. The one thing on the planet that kept her moving, kept her sane, kept her feeling anything but exhaustion. The taste of potential loss was like acid on the tongue and it left marks. One day, and by God, she hoped it was far away, she would lose him for real. They weren't young any longer. From having him by her side, from holding his hand, touching his cheek, feeling his presence in a way that was much deeper than she ever thought possible, to him being around no more was as realistic as her leaving the room that she was in. Unless she went first.
'Get a grip, Elsie," she whispered to herself as she moved back towards the doorway. When things were good there was always this little demon in her mind that backed her into a corner and made her think of something negative. It was a habit she had developed over the years, and she had wanted with all her might for it to go away. Having what she had wanted for so long fall into her lap was amazing, and she felt beyond ecstatic, but it seemed that little demon had wanted to give her something to chew on that would bring the tone down. No, she wouldn't dwell on that. She couldn't because it was like torture. What she was looking forward to was seeing him standing in front of her in his natural surroundings. Seeing the pride and passion that sat on his face like the markings on a map. The way his eyes would look to her. The way he would smile at her and lift her without saying a word. Carson was hers now, and no greater gift could be bestowed on her so she had to make the most of it. Doubting, worrying and carrying on in that way was never going to be beneficial. As she had told herself, they weren't young any longer and so she had to make the absolute most out of every waking moment and breath. This was going to be her new life now. With him. With him, by her side, she could tackle anything. Until he wasn't. "Bloody stop it," she cursed, her native Scottish accent pushing heavily into the words. "Today is a great day," she reminded herself again.
There was a shuffling of feet behind her and she readied herself for whatever it was.
"I've got all the last bits in the oven ready," Mrs Patmore said in quite a loud booming voice that made Mrs Hughes jump a little. "Oh sorry, sometimes I forget my voice has quite a bit of oomph to it."
"You're telling me," Mrs Hughes said with a raised eyebrow before taking in a deep breath.
Mrs Patmore put her hands on her hips and gave her friend a thin smile. It had been a busy night and morning, making sure that they had everything prepared well in advance just in case. So she had gotten up early, and made sure Daisy was up too, to make sure the prep and grunt work had been completed before they had needed to start breakfast. "Are you well?" she queried, her mouth slightly open as she looked at her friend in the face. "You look a little peaky."
Mrs Hughes tilted and shook her head. "I'm fine." As she stood staring at Mrs Patmore, who had raised both of her eyebrows pointedly, she shook her head and conceded defeat. The eye-roll followed suit. "Ok. Ok. I'm just a bit nervous. I know everything is fine. I've been flitting around making sure that everything is up to his usual standard and then checking again."
Mrs Patmore looked over her shoulder before plodding into the pantry and pushing the door to slightly. "Don't be silly," she scoffed. "It's as clear as day as to why you're really nervous. It's not the state of the 'ouse either."
"Well, I'm nervous about a lot of things and the state of the house is most certainly one of them," she retorted quite bluntly. Then she stopped, gave Mrs Patmore another look and shook her head. "I suppose I'm nervous because he's going to be home. Back here. The journey into the unknown begins. In the hospital, we had a bit more freedom to...you know, be ourselves. I just worry."
"You bloody worry too much sometimes. I don't think I've ever seen you this...worrisome. Mrs Hughes, if I may?" Mrs Patmore raised one of her eyebrows and paused for just a second. It was not long enough for Mrs Hughes to say anything in retort though. "We keep going around in circles, you and I, about the whole thing. Know this, because I shan't tell you again. You have nothing to worry about in the slightest. Have you? We know how he feels. We know how you feel. It will work itself out in some way, whether it is convoluted or as direct as a sailing arrow. Don't worry about the ifs and maybes. Don't worry about tomorrow when you have today." Mrs Patmore smiled. "You two are gonna grow old at each other's side. That's what I see and I know it's what you feel. So straighten up that back of yours and get sorted. Or," she paused and gave her a grin. "I'll have to send in Anna."
Mrs Hughes chuckled. "You never fail to amaze me with your way with words. I know you're right. I do, and I appreciate the talks. I can't help it. You know me, Mrs Patmore. It's the unknown. I mean, it's not going to be the same now working around here. It'll feel false if we aren't going to make it known right away. It's like we're living some sort of lie-"
"A lie?" Mrs Patmore said loudly. "I'm not bein' funny, Mrs Hughes. This house has had its fair share of lies, and many of them with no malice or ill-intent. It's your business to keep as you wish. So it's not a lie unless someone asks and then you say no. If you have to keep your business to yourself until you know what you're going to do, or until you have some time to work on things then what's the matter with that?"
"I know you're right."
"Can you write that down?" Mrs Patmore chuckled and turned her head as someone passed the partly open door.
"Oh shhh, you. Carson wants to tell his Lordship relatively soon so that it doesn't seem like there are any secrets. We know there are people in this house that would happily use it against us if the time arose. I'm not naming any names." Mrs Hughes ran her finger over a surface as she stood there. There was still no dust.
"You 'ent wrong," Mrs Patmore nodded apathetically. "You'll be fine though," she reassured Mrs Hughes as best she could with her tone. Even her gentle tone still had that rasp about it that made it seem like she was being forceful. "They won't want to lose either of you. Not a cat in 'ells chance that."
"You can never be sure of where you stand in this world, Mrs Patmore. Never take anything for granted. Although," she said sheepishly, making sure that there wasn't anyone at the door. "Lady Mary is going to back our case if the need arises."
"EH?" Mrs Patmore said loudly. "What do you mean?"
Some steps were moving down the hall and Mrs Hughes walked towards the door. As soon as she heard them she knew right away that it was Thomas. It was funny, that over the years of working with people you became used to how they walked around the house. It came in handy sometimes, especially in circumstances like these.
"Mrs Hughes," Thomas said, side-eyeing Mrs Patmore who was still standing with her mouth open. "The car will be here very shortly."
"Right, thank you, Thomas," she replied, her stomach twisting to the point where she could feel the contents of her recently eaten lunch churning like it was milk being turned into butter. "Can you meet me outside? I've just got to quickly check something and I'll be up with you. His Lordship has said that he wants everyone to carry on like normal, so I've got Mrs Patmore sorting the food out for the party, and some of the others cracking on so he doesn't suspect anything."
"Right you are," Thomas said blankly and turned on his heel and headed out of earshot.
"What do you mean, Lady Mary is going to back your case? It feels like you've ripped out a very important chapter 'ere," she moaned.
"Oh, I don't have time to talk to you about that now. Have you seen Anna?"
"No, not for a while." Mrs Patmore crossed her arms over her chest and huffed. "You're going to 'ave to tell me all about it when you have a second."
Mrs Hughes had already started walking down the hall. "Yes. Yes," she replied hurriedly. "Now can you make sure that anything for later that is sorted is out of sight just in case," she shouted backwards before disappearing around a corner.
"Bloody typical," Mrs Patmore grumbled to herself before pulling the door to and heading back to the kitchen where Daisy was absentmindedly staring at the window. "Earth to Daisy?" she yelled before picking up a pan and slamming it on the side. "Am I talkin' to myself?"
Mrs Hughes stood quietly to the side as the family moved towards the car as it pulled up to a halt. Trying to keep herself steady, calm and non-suspicious, she used her eyes to search amidst the crowd so she could see his eyes. That's all she wanted. The sight of his eyes so she could look into them, see that he was ok, know he was home was all she craved at that moment. The hustle and bustle and excited chatter from the family drowned out most of the noise that would be emanating from the car. It was agony to have to wait, but she couldn't make it obvious.
The top of his head came into view, and her insides began to gurgle, excited to see him as if she hadn't seen him for years. In her mind, she was reprimanding herself and trying to keep herself on an even keel. No matter what, she couldn't let herself be obvious. Although her limbs burnt as the muscles restrained themselves, stopping her from running over to him and letting him envelop her in his broad and strong arms. "Steady," she whispered to herself.
"Carson, you're not working," she heard Mary say firmly, waving her hand defiantly as Carson sprung into his normal Butler role.
"I'm sure it's a hard habit to break," Robert said chirpily, sidestepping so he could stand to the side of his daughter. "Please, Carson, you're not back to work yet so if you could refrain from being so helpful for the time being."
As if a charge of electricity compelled her, like the remnant static from a bolt of lightning, she lifted her eyes to look up. There he was, looking happy and fresh. Their eyes connected and Mrs Hughes could feel her body burn. If nobody was around right now she would have run to him. It was agony to know that she couldn't, and instead, she had to do as she was meant to. He smiled at her. It was a smile that was just for her, and she could tell that it was by how his eyes locked defiantly with hers. It was fleeting but it was enough. The corner of her mouth edged upwards, so only he could notice, and she knew that he had by the way his cheeks changed shade. He was home. He was close.
"Let's all get inside shall we?" Cora said happily. "It's still quite chilly when the wind picks up."
Mrs Hughes kept her eyes on the moving crowd, her eyes looking at Mary who looked a little pale and bewildered as she peered up at the house. It was obvious that the young girl was worried about being home. Then she turned her direction to Carson, and Mrs Hughes could see him give the young woman a nod of encouragement. Carson was such a wonderful man.
"Is Lady Mary's room all sorted?" Cora said happily, turning her attention to Mrs Hughes.
Pulling her admiring eyes from Carson, Mrs Hughes nodded. "Yes, My Lady. Everything is ready. Anna is going to be upstairs waiting."
Lady Mary smiled. "I'll be thankful for that. I am thoroughly looking forward to a hot bath and for someone to give my hair a good seeing to." Lady Mary nodded with an acknowledging smile at the older woman.
The small mass of people moved through the front door, and Mrs Hughes held back so that she was as close to Carson as she could be. Robert was chatting to him about something and telling him that he would come into the house by the front door. It was all idle chatter really, and there wasn't anything important enough to pull her from her own thoughts about the man that she cared so deeply for. The strides he took were long and purposeful. The way he tilted his head, as if programmed into him, to look up and down at the area he was walking into so he could give it a critical eye. The way he always seemed to be listening, but working at the same time. The way he carried himself she could tell that he was glad to be home. And then Robert moved away and towards his daughter.
Mrs Hughes watched as the family stood with smiles as they welcomed Mary back into the home. It was a bit much, she could tell, but Mary was putting on a brave face. As she stretched out her fingers, she could feel a warmth emanating into her skin. There was no direct touch, but she knew that Carson's fingers were sitting precariously close to hers. The tops of her fingers twitched as if reaching out to him, but they never quite made the connection. It was agony. The ache to reach out to him was as strong as glue. The need for her eyes to move to his was as compelling as taking a breath. But instead, she had to remain still. It seemed hard to take in a breath, and her eyes searched the room around her to make sure that nobody was looking at them. It felt like they had been stood there for an age, and then she felt it. The tips of his fingers brushed hers in a fleeting and yet titillating moment. Everything came alive.
"Carson," Robert said happily, moving over to where they stood with a beaming smile on his face. "I know you're likely tired, but if you could meet me in the library at 7 pm I would most appreciate it."
Carson's back straightened and he nodded his head. It was an odd request, but he acknowledged it. "Yes, of course, My Lord."
"Now, Mrs Hughes. I know that Carson will likely be frothing at the bit to get a heads up on what's been going on, but I think we should leave him to get a bit more rest before we get him back into the swing of things." Robert couldn't help but keep that smile on his face.
"Of course, My Lord." Mrs Hughes took the opportunity to turn her head to look at him. "Your room is ready. The sheets were changed this morning." She gave him an involuntary smile. The sparkle behind his eyes was mesmerising.
"Thank you, Mrs Hughes," Carson replied. Mrs Hughes could hear the pressure behind his voice. It was the type of pressure that showed he was refraining himself as much as she was. It was going to be hard. Maybe once they got into routine things would be easier. But for now, as she stood there just inches away from him, she just wanted his arms around her. She wanted to touch him. The fleeting brush of his fingers had ignited such a desire to have any sort of physical contact from him. It almost took her breath away.
Mary stood quietly as her parents talked to her about plans and things she didn't have to worry about. Instead, her attention was on the two older servants who were stood away from the crowd. She had seen the way Carson's fingers had brushed Mrs Hughes', and the way they both were trying so desperately not to act on whatever feelings and desires were compelling them. It reminded her of the earlier days of her and Matthew's relationship. How she so desperately wanted to be near him all of the time. It made her begin to feel sad, and so she knew she needed to go to her room and bring herself back. She wouldn't be defeated, and she knew that having a bath, having Anna sort her hair out and to talk with would be a welcome distraction. In her mind, she was trying to think of a plan to try and help the pair ahead of her without intervening too much, as she knew Carson would disprove. "I apologise if I seem quiet," Mary said. "I am feeling a little tired. I'd like to go and get myself sorted. Are we having dinner at a normal time?"
"A little earlier today, I think," Robert said happily. "We can eat early so you can get an early night."
Mary nodded politely. "Very well."
As she climbed the stairs she turned her head and looked out to Carson who was watching her diligently with a soft expression on his face. There was another gentle nod. She could do this. She could.
