A note to the readers: This is John Shinagucci and Bob Boobowski, the writers of the Obama Tales. We would like to take a minute to apologize. When we began writing this series, we were unaware that "Barack Obama" was the name of an actual president of the United States. Actually, living in Romania, we were unaware that the United States was even a real place. Thank you to internet personality Mat Pat for bringing this to our attention, and we apologize for any confusion that our story created! Now, on with the program.

"Ah Finally made it to Russia" said Bernard Sanders.

"Who are you again?" asked the Libertarian.

"Now that we're here, all we have to do is rob a grave! Then we can defeat The Donald" Jeb! espoused cheerfully! His big brain bulging through his thick skull like shiloh overflowing with sweet, sweet, grain.

"We must be careful" Bernie warned, "I'm sure The Donald will try to beat us here"

Evidently Bernie was right, as they approached the tomb, they saw two figures already waiting for them.

Evidently Bernie was wrong, for as the got closer the two figures were actually just Joe Biden and Kamala Harris.

"Listen here Jack! This here is a tomb, now these take me back to 1974 when I first learned about tombs, my dad would always tell me, Joe, you're gonna grow up to be a rock

"You're too late Bernard! You and your socialist friends will not be able to steal the election from AMERICA!" Kamala interrupted.

"What are you talking about? This is not the time for infighting, I have a nation to save! And frankly Joe is not sound enough in mind or body or ideology to do very much of anything now or ever." Bernie shouted but with a period because he was not too loud about it.

"You're the only one whose threatening the nation! Quick Joe, open the tomb!"

"Joe Biden" said Joe Biden as he desecrated the tomb of the beloved Soviet President.

"Now finish them!"

"Now listen here Jack: I aint seen no stick in this here hole"

"What do you mean?" Kamala ran back and looked in the tomb, which was empty excepted for the body, as well as many treasures including a different sword which was not the sword they were looking for, this one was the sword of Leningrad which is different.

"Impossible" Bernie said, "I was here when it was buried. No one else was… OH NO"

. . .

Tokyo, Japan. September 23rd, 2020. An old man sits in an alleyway, unaware fully of why he is even there. A lumbering figure hovers over him. "You, are a difficult man to find, Jack"

"Huh? No, I don't know anyone named Jack" The old man wheezed, barely audible.

The imposing figure kicks the old man to the floor, crushing his neck beneath his foot, "You have grown old and weak Mr. Belfair, I don't have time for you!" The pressure placed on his neck causes the old man to go unconscious. Then his eyes open anew.

"Well, I er uh, was not expecting you to ah foind me out eh here, Dick." the Oldman spoke in a Boston accent.

"Mr. Kennedy, it's been too long," the lumbering man revealing himself to be The Donald.

"Clearly, I er uh, was too easy on you when I beat you back in '60. I er uh, will make no such mistake this time, Dick." Kennedy, in the Old Man's body, made a pose full of Kung Fu.

"I would love to dance, but I'm not here for you. Where's the sword!?"

"I er uh, don't know what you're eh talking about, Dick." Kennedy responded.

"Don't play dumb with me JACK! I know you took the Sword of Stalingrad from Visiliy's Tomb! If you tell me where it is, I will release you from this pitiful body!"

"I er uh, am quite tempted. Frankly, I have not been scoring as much as I used to in this er body. But I er uh, still have my uh principals. You'll have to pry this sword from Sigmund's gross weird lifeless corpse! And by corpse I mean dead body!" JFK, in an Old man body, drew the Sword of Stalingrad, and then immediately collapsed because his body was too frail to lift it anymore.

Nixon easily pried the sword from Kennedy's very much alive hands. "What a pity, that you have been reduced to this. Now no one can stop me."

"Curse you Dick! Stroike me down and let's have a real fight! Maybe I'll possess a hot girl"

Nixon laughed maniacally, "No, I think I'll leave you like this! Have fun rotting in your flesh prison!"

Nixon left the alleyway, left Japan, and left his humanity.