Enjoy,
M.
Chapter 80
Wednesday, December 5, 2012.
Despite feeling lighter and a bit more comfortable in her own skin. Sam avoids places where she and Jack would need to talk about more than work or small chat. They keep finding each other for lunch even when SG-1 is off-world or off shifts.
They eat in comfortable silence, stealing glances whenever they notice the other isn't looking, but communications remain neutral. If someone thought they had something going on, sitting at the table next to them during lunch would've killed all hopes. Unless you could read their eyes.
Years of self-protection had made them too damn good at keeping their emotions from showing freely, even in their eyes. It's the fact that the other knows this. That they somehow can still find some of that thing they shared. That the care that out of fear neither dared to call love was still simmering deep in their eyes. Unable to be held captive inside their colder minds.
Now she needs to talk to him. She needs to figure out how she's going to make up for all the absences she'd had during these months for Parker's upcoming birthday. Her eleventh… And despite knowing Jack deserves to be part of that date as much as she does–or even more since he doesn't know her at all and hasn't had a chance to be there for the previous ten–She knows he doesn't want a thing to do with their daughter.
Janet had made that abundantly clear when she mentioned he had remained by her bedside while Cassie, Teal'c, Vala, herself, and even Daniel figured out schedules around Parker's needs. If that wasn't making an extreme effort to avoid their daughter altogether. Sam didn't know what it was.
So, if he didn't want to take part in their daughter's life… So be it. Still, she needed a day off on a weekday. General Landry had mentioned he used to take those days eagerly if only to avoid his meetings.
His secretary was surprised to see her up there. The man's widened eyes were a dead giveaway that he wasn't expecting her to appear out of the blue without an appointment. Nervously, he called Jack's office, and soon she was knocking on his door.
"Come in," Jack said. Fully knowing it was her but not quite ready to be alone with her in a room with no escape other than the door she was currently closing behind her back.
"Sir."
"Carter. What can I do for you?" He asked with a smile. 'Well, you could do me, for one,' she thought but schooled her features not to show her more errant thoughts.
"Sir… I… It's kinda a personal matter." They both flinched. There was no surprise in either about facing that expression. Personal matters were still being thoroughly avoided.
"Okay…" He said cautiously. Wondering if out of all days and places she would open up to him today.
"Parker's birthday is next week. Wednesday. I was wondering if you could take over the SGC that day?" She asked hopefully. Jack frowned slightly as he heard a hint of his old Sam as she asked that.
"You want a day off?"
"Yes, sir."
"Okay. I'll have to check my schedule. See if there's no shenanigan from DC that can't possibly be postponed. I'll let you know. If it makes you breathe easier, I have no issues doing it. I'm sure your 2IC won't have issues doing it either if you're a phone call away."
"That's the thing, sir. I really don't want to be a phone call away that day." She flinched, she dropped herself in the chair in front of him with a defeated sigh. "I'm failing her, Jack. I'm the only one adult she's known her entire life. I'm the one that kept putting her in danger. Forcing her to ignore even her own name in favor of others she liked. Now, I bring her here. I give her back her name and… I'm not there nearly enough. Fuck, I'm absolutely screwing her up."
"No, you are not," Jack said before he could stop himself. "I spoke with her while you were out… She seems lovely, Sam. From what I've heard from Cassie, Janet, Daniel, Vala, Teal'c, heck! Even Mitchell… Is that she's amazing and smart. That she never gave them time to dwell on what to do with her, because she was already making herself busy. Cassie said she's so much like you used to be… You aren't screwing her up. You're doing a helluva job as far as I know."
Sam gulped. She wanted to ask if she was doing such a great job why he didn't want to know anything about their daughter. 'He already lost a son. Even if you don't mean as much for him now, he lost you for eleven years. Why would he risk loving a kid he doesn't know?' She didn't really understand, but she didn't dare to ask either. She didn't want to add more pain to his already hurting soul.
"Thanks, Jack. You have no idea how much it means to me." She whispered instead, somehow holding his gaze.
"It's only the truth, Sam." He said with an honest half-smile that for a second reached his eyes.
"So, next Wednesday, right?" Jack clapped, and the moment was gone.
"Yes." She nodded, standing up. "I'll wait for your answer on that one before I make any plans," Sam said and turned around to leave.
"Carter?" He called. She turned around with a small frown on her face. "What are you thinking about for Christmas?" Her heartbeat skyrocketed as she processed his question. Was he going to invite them over to the cabin? She knew he went there every year. Back then, Harper had told her that and Libby had nodded eagerly too.
"Sir?" She asked. Feeling a bit out of breath as her mind imagined introducing Parker to her extended family. How the O'Neill's would jump out to know about her and make her feel welcomed, just like they had with herself.
"Christmas? You know the holiday? What are you going to do with the base during the holidays?" Sam gulped.
"The base." She said. Those words felt eerily cold to her. She could feel the prickle of the needle-like pain stabbing her skin, as she understood what he meant. It wasn't her what he cared about, but the people under her command.
"Yeah, you know, that thing that goes from level eleven to twenty-eight?"
"I haven't thought much about it yet, sir. I guess I'll do what Hammond used to do? Leaving a skeleton crew of volunteers? I'm not sure what you or General Landry did before me."
"You need to organize that. I'll need the paperwork to make it happen. I know the guys from the outposts will be sending their requests to their next scheduled meetings. We also need to fix a schedule from those who are coming home from the other sites. So the infirmary doesn't get overcrowded and all that." He waved.
"I'll work on it, sir. Will you want me to take care of the outposts' requests and returning schedule?"
"That would be lovely. I know your planning skills come handy." He said. She flinched.
"Yeah. My planning skills have come handy so many times," Sam said grimly. Remembering exactly what her skills were used for in the past eleven years. Guilt rearing its ugly head inside her mind. "It's that all, sir?" She asked. Before she could break in front of him due to the rollercoaster of emotions she'd experienced since she'd arrived at his office.
"No, that'd be all. Let me know if you'll need some help. Walter already has the report schedule from the outposts."
"Yes, I have approved them since they don't collide with any SG teams' schedule," Sam said.
"Great. Awesome."
"Thanks, General."
"Thank you, General."
Friday, December 7, 2012.
The moment he spotted his house, Jack sighed. There were lights on. Since there was no notification of any of his family members visiting him. He just knew it had to be Harper.
"So, what the hell are you doing here, Harper?" He shouted. As he entered the house and his keys were dropped noisily in the bowl by the entrance. He walked to the kitchen- It was always the kitchen for them - and stopped dead in his tracks. "You're not Harper."
"I wouldn't mind being as young as she is, though," Shannon said. "You look… Depressed."
"Gee, thanks."
"I mean it, you're back to wearing black. You haven't done that since she disappeared and well, those first years after we lost Charlie."
"Can't a man just like to dress in black anymore?" Jack sighed. Dropping himself on one of the island stools.
"You could... If you were Connor. Or if it was any other man who loved wearing black all day long. But you? You always were more of kaki, blues, greys, whites, jeans… Heck, I even remember an awful yellow long sleeve."
He smiled, he'd kissed Carter wearing that yellow long sleeve. He'd kept it safe after that. Not that anyone else would remember that he had kissed her. It was a loop, after all.
"What?" Shannon asked, watching him closely.
"What?"
"You had the cat who ate the canary smile for a bit."
"It's nothing. What are you doing here?"
"Jack. You told us she returned almost two months ago. Why are you still depressed?"
"Because…" He huffed.
"You haven't found a way to speak to her." She stated.
"Yeah, something like that."
"What's wrong? I know something's wrong. That tight-lipped brother of yours won't say a thing to me." She said. "I'm worried about you, Jack. I'm worried about her, too."
"About her?"
"Yes, Jack. She disappeared for eleven years. Even if the news has no idea who she is, I know who Samantha Carter USAF was. They were kind enough not to say so much about the victims, but the fact that she'd disappeared for eleven years and had been twenty-five other women, and those are only the ones she talked about… It's kinda worrying. Now, since you aren't together. I can only conclude that you guys need someone to knock your heads together and fix it."
"What did you do?"
"I called her over."
"You what?!"
"I called her. She should be here in an hour."
"Shannooon," Jack whined. "Do you have any idea of what you did?"
"I called your wife and invited her for dinner at your house after not seeing her for almost twelve years."
"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck…"
"What?"
"She has a daughter, Shannon. Did you know that?"
"Yes. She mentioned her daughter, and I told her to bring her, too. I would love to meet the kid. If she's anything like her mom, I bet she'll be all sorts of sweet."
"Goddamnit, Shannon!"
"Goddamnit, Shannon, what? Oh, please, Jack, you love kids and you adore that woman. So, what if she had a kid? It could mean nothing at all."
"You just don't know her like I do."
"Jack… I know you haven't slipped once in these eleven plus years. But tell me that you didn't want to search for some comfort in someone that looked like her. I know you didn't, but you had friends. You had a family... She had… Squat."
"So, I should like her daughter because she's her daughter?"
"Sure! Why not? Heck, maybe she's nice enough and the father's gone enough, that one day you can even adopt her."
There was nothing he could do to avoid the situation. He couldn't just vanish from his home. They were friends, kinda… They could eat and get along for a few hours to make his sister happy. Heck, maybe he could get to like the kid a bit more.
When he opened the door to let mother and daughter in. He knew he couldn't like the girl, even if he didn't dislike her per se. He hated the fact that Parker wasn't his. There were so many goddamned contradictory feelings whenever the girl was around. He wanted to like her. He truly did. He wanted to love her as a piece of Carter. She looked like Sam so damn much that he thought it wouldn't be impossible. However, it was a clear reminder that she'd forgotten him, even if it was only for a night. Maybe more…
Jack tried to be polite. He behaved as much as he could. He fought with his urges and lost. He'd searched for her leg and wasn't surprised when she also caressed him with her feet. Playing footsie at his age! He wanted to snort, but he didn't want to bring more attention to himself.
He'd zoned out, though. As soon as Shannon had started to talk with Parker. He'd done his thing and heard nothing of it at all. Sam noticed it, and her heart broke. She shouldn't have come. She shouldn't have brought Parker along. It was heartbreaking the way he was ignoring his own child.
Sam excused herself after a while. She needed some air and thankfully no one had questioned her. She walked to the backyard. Stood up under the cold dark night sky watching the stars she'd learned to love even more thanks to Jack.
She heard the door open and close, but she didn't turn around. She knew it was him. She knew what he was coming to do. She knew it wasn't to apologize. She couldn't help herself when he sauntered towards her and kissed her fiercely.
People said she was strong and smart, but she felt none of those things as his lips collided with hers. As her body molded to his and her lips moved along in a needy dance of clattering teeth and colliding tongues. She didn't complain when he took her some steps away and her back hit the wall of his house.
She didn't fight when his hands pushed her skirt up and fumbled with her tights. She wasn't surprised when her hands fumbled with his belt. She was overwhelmed when he touched her most sensitive part and growled slowly against her ear.
Why was she silencing him with a kiss? When he was touching her so softly to check if she was ready for him. God, she was so ready for him.
It surprised him a bit when she didn't falter when she didn't stop him. When she raised her leg against his hip, bringing him impossibly close. Sheathing him inside her. Moving along with him in the same old rhythm they had created years ago. It was rough, quick, needy… But so damn perfect. They came apart together, trembling in each other's arms, not quite letting their kiss finish.
Slowly she lowered her leg on the floor and blushed fiercely even under the cold. They didn't say a word. There wasn't much to say, and there was too much that was needed to be said. They had done it again! They had gone crazy against his wall with his sister and her daughter sitting in his dining room.
He pulled her clothes upwards as he noticed her shivering uncontrollably. With cold fingers, she helped fix him.
"Come," he said. Walking her to a French door she hadn't seen. It was his room. He directed her towards the bathroom. Looking at her, he lowered her clothes once more. Her eyes dilated before she could stop herself. He kissed her and pulled her up on the counter.
She was a sight for sore eyes, sitting on his counter with swollen lips and desire in her eyes. He was surprised he was ready for more. When rushed forward and she kissed him angrily. Her trapped legs didn't allow her for much room for movement. So, she jumped down and turned her back to him.
Looking at him through the mirror, she nodded. He entered her once more. His hand found her mouth to stop her from making much noise. She sucked in one of his fingers, making him grunt as he thrust against her again and again. It seemed he was going to last a lot longer. He moved forwards, encasing her in his arms, one of his hands traveled under her blouse, the other one went south. She came soon after that. The emotions and the way he was looking at her too much to bear. He came once her walls clenched, trapping him inside as she rode out her orgasm.
"Sit," he said, patting the counter once more. Turning around to find a cloth. He moistened it with warm water and cleaned her as much as he could. There was nothing he could do about the ruined panties.
"Scissors?" she asked when she saw him looking at the ruined scrap of fabric. He pointed to a drawer as he cleaned himself. She cut her panties off and tugged her tights back in place. Before fixing her skirt and trying to fix her hair and makeup as much as she could. She caught his confused look at the discarded panties. "Faster than losing the boots." She said as he looked at her bewildered.
She took a deep breath. Needing to get out of there before she ended up pulling him against her once more. She walked away and outside thought the French doors and stood in the cold until he returned. Out of the blue, she pressed a quick kiss on his cheek and disappeared inside.
"Parker, we're going." She announced. The kid jumped up from the table, saying a polite goodbye to Shannon. Sam couldn't look Shannon in the eye. Something told her Jack's sister knew exactly what had been happening outside.
"Shannon. It was lovely to see you again."
"I haven't said goodbye to Sir General, mom," Parker stated then. Jack entered from the back just then. "Thank you for dinner, Sir General Jack." She smiled a blinding Carter's smile.
"You girls going home?" He said, feigning innocence.
"Yes, Sir General! Fred will at the house at five. Won't he mommy?" Sam nodded.
"We have an early day. Thanks for dinner, Jack. Shannon." Was the last thing Sam said. Then she rushed Parker away from the entrance and towards her SUV.
