Chapter 34
Standing near the prepared hot air balloon, Zuko was experiencing a strange feeling of déjà vu. About two months ago, he had already bid farewell to Katara like this, when she had left him to return to Aang to see if they could fix their relationship. Back then, Zuko had been deeply uncertain whether she would return to him. Right now, he felt more confident that Katara would come back to him once she had worked through the issues that tore at her. Still, that didn't mean he wasn't nervous or didn't feel saddened about their parting. No, it was very hard to accept that for once he didn't have all the answers, or couldn't do whatever was needed to make her feel happy. It was as Katara had said, he couldn't fix her. She needed to fix herself, first.
Before saying his farewells to Katara, Zuko first walked up to Sokka, standing by the balloon's basket. Katara's brother seemed to be in much better spirits this morning, it seemed that spending time with Ty Lee and Suki had done him a world of good. "Stay safe, Sokka," Zuko told him, the two clapping each other on the shoulder before embracing. "Take care of your sister, and let her take care of you."
"Sure thing, Zuko," Sokka nodded at him. "Oh, and let me know when you've dealt with those people who did this to On Ji, alright? I'll raise a glass of fire whiskey to that."
"Will do," Zuko smiled grimly, then walking over to where Katara stood. They began by embracing wordlessly, simply holding on to each other for the longest while. "I'm going to miss you so much," he whispered once they had parted.
"I know..." Katara nodded somberly. "But state matters will keep you busy, I suspect. Please, promise me that you won't get too distracted."
"I'll do my best," Zuko sighed. It was time to let her go, but it was the last thing he wanted. There was still one last unaddressed matter that he needed to share with her. "Katara, there's something I have to tell you... well, actually, no... something I want to give you," he managed, retrieving the ornate jewelry box with his fumbling fingers.
"Oh?" Katara looked at it in wide-eyed surprise, gingerly accepting the gift. "What is it?"
"I had planned to give it to you during the soiree on that fateful evening," Zuko sighed. "There hasn't been a good occasion since, but... I need you to have it with you as you're leaving."
"Now I'm incredibly curious, Zuko," Katara replied a little nervously, opening the box with trembling fingers. She actually cried out in surprise at the sight, almost dropping the jewelry box. "It's... you made me... a betrothal necklace?" she gasped.
"Guilty as charged," Zuko managed a smile. "I hope you like it and I haven't overstepped..."
"What? No... no, it's precious to me," Katara replied, visibly touched, struggling not to burst into tears. "It's so beautiful..." she whispered, running her fingers across the surface of the engraved jewel. She then reached out and unclasped her mother's necklace she always wore around her neck. "Would you... do the honors, please?" she asked, almost shyly.
Zuko had some trouble forcing his fingers to cooperate, but eventually he managed to open the golden dragon head clasp of his gift and fasten it in place where Katara's mother's necklace had always rested. "I'll be damned," Sokka commented nearby, looking at them with his eyes wide from surprise. "That's the first time I see Katara removing mom's necklace. Zuko, my man, she must be real crazy about you."
"I love you, Zuko," Katara smiled at him, but there was an undeniable veil of sadness in her eyes. "This necklace... it's more than just a gift and you know it's meaning, but... right now, I just can't discuss that. Perhaps in time..."
"That's why I want you to have it while we spend time apart, Katara. So that you know what I want us to have when you're ready to come back," he smiled back at her. "I love you, Katara. Never forget that."
"I won't," she nodded and their lips met for one last kiss before Katara reluctantly turned to follow Sokka into the balloon's basket.
I'll see you soon, Zuko was tempted to say, but then thought against it. He didn't want to put Katara under any extra pressure of expectations, she was already doing a fine job of that herself. Instead, as the balloon began to gain altitude, he simply stood there and waved, until the balloon swiftly became a rapidly disappearing dot in the skies.
Once he could no longer see the balloon, Zuko turned around and dejectedly slumped back to the palace. Mere minutes had passed, but he was already feeling lonely.
For the following two days, Zuko did his best to immerse himself in the matters of state, and truth be told, there was a lot to do. As he had suspected, Ozai's death had shaken up the rebellion, and it had seen plenty of defections. But it had also spurred the more committed cells into more direct action, and they now rose from the shadows to strike. Increased presence of the Fire Army had prevented any hostilities from breaking out in the capital, but the Fire Fountain City and the Hing Wa Island had fallen into rebel hands, seeing their governors overthrown in a violent coup.
Zuko's generals were busy putting together plans to retake these rebel strongholds, and Zuko had already called them in for several meetings, stressing the importance of escaping civilian casualties, or at least keeping them very low. He didn't want these rebels to be overthrown at the expense of losing all support with the people. Zuko had also stressed the importance of recovering intelligence that linked these plots back to Ukano and Mai's entire family. Ukano was so cautious that even when most of his rebels had revealed themselves, he still chose not to show his hand and remained on the sidelines, probably wanting to gauge his chances of successfully overthrowing the Fire Lord before he jumped into action.
With the action against the rebels well and truly under way, Zuko had one more important matter on his mind, something that he knew he would need to address following the death of his father. His sister Azula deserved to know the truth, and she deserved to hear it from him. With that in mind, he had made the journey across the capital to the medical institution where his sister was being kept under the strictest security, the facility built into the side of the caldera more like a fortress than a mental institution. Still, Zuko had made it clear that he wanted his sister to be as comfortable as possible under the circumstances, and while examining the facilities, he found them more than adequate. There was even a beautiful garden at the center of the complex, and that was where Zuko found Azula when he approached her with three of his Kyoshi warriors standing a respectable distance away, Ty Lee having refused to enter at all, not wanting to be anywhere near Azula.
"Azula?" Zuko called out softly, watching his sister turn to face him. She looked... surprisingly well, actually, compared to the last time he had seen her. Dressed fully in white, including cute and fluffy slippers, Azula looked unexpectedly peaceful. Her hair was kept neat and tidy, in a thick long braid on her back. The expression in her eyes was calm and content, not the crazy, manic glare that had frightened Zuko during their Agni Kai. There was a healthy color in her cheeks, and the nurses had even helped her apply makeup, so she looked both healthy and pretty, almost her old perfectionist self.
"Zuzu!" Azula beamed at him, and Zuko felt rather taken aback by her unexpected happiness to see him. "You've come to visit me! I was hoping you would! I'd hug you, but..." she gestured at the manacles on her arms and legs, making it impossible for her to firebend.
"I could hug you if that's alright," Zuko suggested, still a little uncertainly.
"Please, I want a hug from my favorite big brother," Azula kept smiling. Throwing caution aside, Zuko sat down and reached out, wrapping his arms around her, surprised when Azula leaned in against him. "I wish those silly nurses and healers would trust me when I tell them that these aren't necessary," she said later, shaking the manacles.
Spirits, what I wouldn't give for them to be unnecessary, Zuko thought to himself. Despite everything that had happened, he missed his sister. The only thing he wanted more than to have Azula back in his life, was to have Katara back with him. "You look well, sister," Zuko smiled back at her. "How are you doing?"
"Not too bad, Zuzu," Azula replied. "Everyone's nice and respectful to me, most of the time. They know you'd be so mad if you found out that they're mean to me."
"It's true, I would be very upset," Zuko nodded. "Listen, Azula, there's something important I need to tell you."
"Sure, Zuzu, what is it?" Azula gave him an impatient stare.
"It's about father," Zuko began nervously. He remembered the power that Ozai had held over him throughout the years. Ozai was an even bigger presence in Azula's life than he had been in his. After Zuko had proved to be a disappointment, Azula had been the one groomed for rule. He was aware that the news of Ozai's death could well set off Azula's rage and undermine all the progress that she had made in her healing. "I had reasons to suspect that Ozai was still plotting against me," he tried a little white lie to soften the blow. "I had no choice... he had to go."
"Father is dead?" Azula's eyes widened in surprise. Then she threw her head backwards and began to laugh joyously. "Good riddance!" she exclaimed. "Ozai became dead to me when I found out that he had been defeated by the Avatar. The Avatar! That goofy little kid I trounced every time we fought! And then he went and took away father's bending? Pathetic! Zuko, you did us all a favor."
"I don't quite feel that way, but I'm glad you're not upset," Zuko let out a breath of relief. "I was afraid you were still looking up to him."
"What, that loser? No, he was dead to me long before you had him killed," Azula snorted. "If there's anyone I'm looking up to, it's you, Zuzu."
"Me?" Zuko blinked. "Since when?"
"Since you became the Fire Lord," Azula smiled at him. "The healers and nurses don't tell me much about what's going on outside these walls, but sometimes I overhear them talking. They're always full of praise for what you're doing. I'm impressed, really. I wasn't sure you had it in you."
"I'll be honest, I wasn't sure either," Zuko chuckled, starting to loosen up. Talking with Azula like this felt strange, but he enjoyed every moment of it. His sister appeared to have made great strides in her mental recovery, and he could not be happier about it. "Oh... there are some other things that you probably don't know about. I broke up with Mai."
"Pfft, Mai," Azula scowled. "She was never your equal. I could never understand how you suffered dating someone so boring. You can do better, Zuzu."
"I am doing better, Azula," Zuko chuckled, wondering about Azula's reaction to the news he was about to drop. "I'm now together with Katara."
Azula's eyes widened comically and then she began to laugh. "Katara? The waterbender? Avatar's girlfriend? You poached the Avatar's girlfriend?"
"I kind of did, yes," Zuko admitted a little bashfully.
"Oh, that is perfect!" Azula looked highly approving. "I mean... she might not be of proper Fire Nation breeding, but she's quite formidable. The way she took me down during that Agni Kai? That was something, wasn't it? I was angry, sure, but I was also impressed with her skill and quick thinking. And I guess she's easy on the eye, too, if you like something more exotic."
"She means the world to me, Azula," Zuko smiled at his sister, hoping that she would understand.
"Yes, well... I suppose I could respect her," Azula admitted after a moment of thinking. "I think you could have done a lot worse, Zuzu. At least she's not dull and apathetic like Mai."
"Katara is anything but," Zuko chuckled. "She's been such a great support helping me rule the Fire Nation."
"I wish they'd let me help you as well, Zuzu," Azula's eyes turned sad. "Now that you've become such a fine Fire Lord, I'd do my best to support you."
"I hope that becomes a reality someday soon, sister," Zuko sighed wistfully. He really did want that, a great deal. And Azula looked like she had been making great progress lately. They had been talking for a while now, and she appeared very much normal. Was she perhaps ready to return to the society at large? He'd need to discuss it with the healers first, of course, but Zuko couldn't help but hope that they could be reunited soon.
"When do you think they'll let me out?" Azula asked with a hopeful look in her wide eyes. "I've tried to be good, Zuzu, I've really tried."
"I can see that, Azula, I'm very proud and impressed with you," he pulled her into another comforting hug. It was a strange feeling and he couldn't get enough of it. Azula had never been one for hugs even at the best of times, but now all the aggression seemed to have been drained from her. "I'll speak with the healers and see if they agree to start giving you a bit more freedom. But you'll have to be patient."
"Alright, Zuzu... I'll be patient," Azula nodded earnestly. "It's worth it. I want nothing more than to help you rule the Fire Nation as your loyal second in command. We'll be an unstoppable sibling force, you'll see!"
"That does sound nice, I agree," Zuko replied, starting to feel more and more convinced of Azula's amazing recovery. There was still one more test that he needed to put her through, however. So far, he had not mentioned their mother in the conversation. When he had found Ursa again some two years ago, Azula had accompanied him and had been instrumental in locating her, but she had also reacted very violently to their mother. Azula had attacked Ursa and her entire family with deadly force, and it had landed her back in the mental institution.
"Also, mother could come visit us now and then from Hira'a, how does that sound?" he asked innocently.
"Oh, that sounds marvelous," Azula looked delighted. "And once she arrives at the palace, unsuspecting, I would surprise her with a jet of fire, melting flesh clean off from her treacherous bones and she would never again manipulate either of us with her deceptive lies!" Azula exclaimed with a manic look to her eyes, making Zuko recoil in horror.
"Azula... mother loves you very much," he tried, shaking from the sudden change in her expression which had become downright bloodthirsty. "Why can't you see that?"
"Poor Zuzu... she still has you wrapped around her little finger, doesn't she?" Azula gave him a look of pity. "That's alright, brother. Once I am through with her, we'll both be free of her poisonous influence."
"Azula, I..." Zuko suddenly found it difficult to breathe, let alone to talk. Azula was not getting better at all... she was still trapped in the same old circle of blind hatred she felt for their mother, and she was clearly nowhere near ready to be released from her captivity.
"Oh, I know you don't agree, Zuzu, but you'll see the light one day," Azula smiled at him. "But until you're ready to accept the truth about our mother... do you think you could come visit me more often? I'd really love that..."
"Of course, Azula... I promise I'll come visit you at least once every week," Zuko made a solemn promise, fully intending to keep it. He had neglected his sister for too long. If the healers felt that his visits had the slightest positive impact on Azula, then he would continue to visit her even if it took years or decades.
"That's great!" Azula looked happy. "Oh, and bring Katara along too, please? I want to get to know her better, now that she's my big brother's girl."
"I think she will be happy to join us at some point," Zuko nodded. When she returns. When, not if. Never if.
"Awesome," Azula gave him a pleading look. "One last hug before you leave?"
"Of course," Zuko nodded, feeling like he might cry as he held her close. He wanted his sister to be healthy and to be back into his life so much, and during their talk, he had almost become convinced that she was ready to be released. But no... the ugly, unpleasant truth was that Azula still had a long road ahead of her, and Zuko had no idea if she would eventually make it all the way.
"I'll see you soon, Azula," he eventually released her and turned to walk away, unable to look at her any longer. Dressed in her white overalls, Azula looked so uncharacteristically fragile and vulnerable, so cowed, that it broke his heart.
I'm never giving up on you, Azula, he thought with grim determination as he left the garden, wiping a few stray tears away from his cheeks. I don't care how much time it takes... I'll never give up on you, sister.
