Her sister ushers her into her home, but she's numb all over, subconsciously holding the urn closer to her chest like a security blanket. The house is pitch-black, eerily cold, and nothing like the warm and inviting home she has grown accustomed to after fifteen years. She swallows thickly, pleading for that bitter acid to slide back down her throat as she steps inside.
"You should really consider timers for your lights," Zelena mumbles, searching for the switch on the wall while Regina simply hugs the urn even closer, because they do have timers, but for some reason they aren't working this evening and that's something Naveen always took care of for her.
Her heart stutters.
Her sister softly closes the door behind them, securely locks them inside, but Regina just stands there, frozen in place, numb all over from the excruciating ache she can no longer process anymore. She hears the clatter of keys against the side table and then her sister's grumbles under her breath as she releases her feet from her high heels, but Regina can't move.
She can't think about much of anything, her mind awfully dark and quiet like standing in the middle of an alley at three o'clock in the morning with not a soul around. She can't even cry, her tear ducts all dried up after two weeks of weeping uncontrollably. So, she holds her husband's ashes close to her chest and simply breathes.
"Regina?"
"Hmm?"
"Come on, let's get out of these clothes and find something more comfortable to relax in," Zelena whispers into the depressing silence that haunts the home now.
And yes, their home was always quiet, it was only ever her husband and herself around, but there was a comfort in that silence and warmth that filled the air and heated up her heart. Now, the quietness is deafening and sends icy prickles down her spine and she hates it here. She hates the ghosts that linger of their happiness that no longer lives or thrives from their love.
She finds her feet scuffing against the polished floors, without her permission, toward her winding staircase. Her sister is following in her shadow, her hand gliding along the wall for another light switch and Regina clings to the urn even harder. Somehow, she makes it to her bedroom and then she stops, forcing her sister to almost collide into her back.
She didn't think about it before, but now she's panicking, wondering where her husband's ashes belong. Does he stay in their room, where they spent so many nights twisted in each other's embrace? Or does she place him downstairs on the mantel, where they spent every night working together and supporting one another?
"What's wrong, sis?"
"I don't know where to put him," she answers, but her tone is vacant of any true emotion and even to her own ears, she sounds so far away.
"Anywhere, but you don't have to decide that right now. Let's just take one step at a time and the first thing is getting out of those heels, right?" She lightly muses, hoping to brighten up her sister's mood even though nothing will turn that frown upside down. "Where are your pajamas?"
Regina doesn't reply, instead her feet carry her to her husband's side of the bed and she pauses. She stares blankly at his nightstand, pleading with life to reverse the clock and bring back the love of her life.
"I think," Zelena cautiously whispers, stepping behind her baby sister, "he would be most comfortable there."
Regina releases a breath she didn't even know she was holding and hugs that urn one last time before settling him down on his nightstand. She moves slowly, away from the nightstand until she is opening up the dresser drawer and pulling out a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt from NYU. Zelena doesn't even have to ask, she knows it's all Naveen's.
"Do you have something for me?"
Regina blinks away the foggy haze around her and peers over her shoulder. "You don't have to stay, I'll be fine."
"Yeah right," her sister scoffs.
"I don't need a babysitter."
"You shouldn't be alone tonight. Not after spending five hours at his memorial service, listening to all those stories and bawling your eyes out."
"I'm a big girl," she flippantly murmurs, but there is no conviction to her words and she even hears the broken woman from within.
"Yeah, but you're also human. Go change. I'll find something for myself."
Regina doesn't bother with a rebuttal because she knows her stubborn sister well enough to know once her mind is made up, there is no changing it. So, she trudges into the bathroom, shuts the door and slowly peels away the clothes that she will never be able to wear again, knowing she will break down if she even felt the weight of them once more. Her movements are depressingly slow as she slips into Naveen's clothes because her shoulder is still tender from the accident and her right arm is locked away inside a cast.
Once she tugs his shirt over her head, she catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror and she flinches on reflex. Her stomach flips from the angry gash embedded deep into her upper lip, thanks to the broken glass from the windshield. She knows she is scarred for life there and yes, there is a deep cut on the right side of her forehead and an even deeper one near her hairline, but at least those can be hidden by a strategic piece of hair and not in the middle of her face where all eyes will be immediately drawn to.
And that scar will haunt her for the rest of her life. Every damn time she catches a glimpse in the mirror she will be forced to remember the horrific accident that stole her husband away. An accident she still cannot remember for the life of her.
"Regina? You alright in there?" Zelena hollers from the bedroom, ripping through those haunting thoughts before she completely spirals out of control.
She doesn't respond once again, she just exits the bathroom to find her sister already changed into one of her silk pajamas. Her heavy feet shuffle across the bedroom until she crawls into bed, curls up into the fetal position and pulls her comforter all the way up to her chin.
"Do you have an extra toothbrush?" Zelena questions, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room.
"Under the sink," she mumbles, realizing she didn't even brush her own teeth before bed, but she could not care less at this point.
Zelena helps herself while Regina squeezes her eyes closed, not wanting to face that empty side of the bed. Her sister is out just a few moments later and thankfully, she comes to sit on Regina's side of the bed, not wanting to disrupt his side.
"I'll be in the guest bedroom if you need me." Regina nods slowly, pulling the comforter closer to her face. "Hey, did the donor recipient get back to you yet?" She hopefully inquires, knowing Regina needs something to feel attached to her husband one last time before she officially says her goodbyes.
"No, it's only been one day though," she mutters into the comforter.
"Yeah, I'm sure she will get back to you soon. This is a lot to process and handle."
"I know, Zee."
"And I bet you will feel so much better after you speak to her, so you can properly say goodbye." Regina buries her face even deeper and nods just once. "Alright, well...do you want some peace? Or do you want company? What do you need, sis?" She softly questions, forcing Regina's eyes to squeeze even tighter because she hasn't the slightest clue what she needs anymore.
She feels so empty inside, and it's so damn terrifying in that lonely hole carved out from her heart. She's sad, but spending two weeks crying her eyes out has made her feel numb as well and she doesn't know what to feel anymore. She hasn't a clue what she needs to properly mourn and pick herself up again and she's aware it's going to take a very long time, but she really doesn't know if she's going to be able to survive without him.
"I don't know anymore," she mumbles and the ache in her chest is so fierce that her body involuntarily coils tighter into a ball.
"I'm going to give you some space, but please, come get me if you need anything," Zelena implores and Regina absolutely detests how unsure and nervous her usual, overly-confident sister sounds now.
She nods just once and with that, Zelena is up and crossing the bedroom. She flicks off the lights, but leaves the door open in case Regina needs her in the night.
Regina lies there in the dark, praying for the hurt in her heart to dull just the slightest. It's been two weeks since she woke up in this nightmare she now calls her reality...four week since the tragic accident.
When her father told her about Naveen's heart, she knew she needed to contact the person to say her final goodbyes to her husband since she was never granted the chance. She spoke to her in-laws, because they were the ones that received the contact information since the doctors were unsure when Regina would wake up.
Mr. and Mrs. Maldonia were always nice enough people, but somewhat cold, their noses constantly in the air from their wealth. How Naveen turned out so generous and so full of love always baffled Regina, but she never dwelled on the matter because her husband was down to Earth and she fell head over heels for him. The Maldonias did want to know who received their son's heart, but once they found out it was a woman who was in desperate need, that's all they needed to know. They sympathized with Regina and understood if she needed to meet the woman, but in their eyes, their son was gone and there was no point pretending that he was still there to fool their own hearts during their grieving process.
But Regina needed more. So, she waited, very impatiently as the days drifted by to wait for the recipient's request of one month before communicating. She must have typed out over one hundred different emails, before the date came around, one including every overwhelming emotion that haunted her with every question imaginable about this Emma Swan. She erased that one though, along with so many others, worried she might frighten the woman and settled on the simplest thing she could come up with.
Her phone buzzes somewhere behind her on the nightstand. She tells herself to ignore it, but her body is rolling over, so her good hand can snatch up the device. She releases a shaky breath and suddenly her heart flutters, taking her by complete surprise. She ignores the sensation though and opens up her email. Her body moves on its own, scrambling to slide up in bed when she reads the name Emma Swan.
A cold sweat breaks along her body, causing her to shiver as her thumb immediately clicks on the email.
Hey Regina,
I'm glad you reached out, it's nice to finally speak with you. I would like to exchange more information as well. I'm not really sure how to go about this, it's kind of weird, right? Lol I don't know what you want to know about me, but I'm willing to answer if you just send some questions my way.
As for me, right now, I would like to know how you are related to my donor and whatever information you are willing to share about the person they were.
Hope to hear from you soon!
-Emma Swan
She hasn't the slightest clue as to why she's smirking at her phone. Maybe it's because this person put lol in an email, because honestly, who does that? Either way, she's grinning and her heart does feel a little bit lighter and for the first time in four weeks, she does feel just a tad hopeful about the future.
XXXX
"Thanks again for driving me," Emma says, but her eyes are focused on the phone in her lap, willing it to make a sound. "Two more weeks and I'm clear to drive myself around."
"No problem," Ruby beams with pride, focusing on the road, but when she is greeted with silence, she glances at her best friend in concern. "What's up? I haven't seen you stare at your phone that hard since freshman year of college," she chuckles, except Emma groans beside her and rolls her eyes.
"Don't," she warns and Ruby is already holding up one hand in surrender. "I'm just a little antsy that's all. A family member from the donor reached out and I'm kinda excited to hear about the person."
"Really?" Her best friend squeals like a child on Christmas morning. "Dude! I'm excited too. This is awesome, I'm glad someone reached out to you because knowing you, you would have taken way too much time on it and you would have stressed, over thought the whole thing, and you still would have been so vague."
Emma scoffs, but she knows her friend is right, this woman knows her better than she knows herself most times. "She was super vague," she defends, inspiring Ruby's eyebrows to skyrocket.
"Really? A match made in heaven," she teases, provoking Emma's eyes to roll again. "So, let's hear it! What did this woman have to say?"
"Not much, just that she hopes my recovery is going well and she's not sure how much information I want to share, but she wants to exchange more than just our names. She kind of left it up to me to make the next move."
"Well, that's cool. She sounds chill."
"She kind of sounds proper. A little too formal and curt."
"Eh, how much can you really tell from an email, you know?" Ruby shrugs carelessly, flipping on her turn signal and checking her blind spot before she jerks a hard left.
Emma is quickly reminded that she cannot wait until she's cleared to drive again. Ruby is a terrible driver and her mother is way too cautious, both the complete opposite to the extreme and it drives her mad.
"I guess you're right," she mumbles under her breath, her eyes boring into her phone to light up.
"So, what did you say back?"
"Ummm, I don't know. I kinda just said I'm willing to answer whatever questions she wants and then I said I would like to know how she's related to my donor and really any information she is willing to give me about the person, would be cool. I was trying not to put too much pressure on the situation."
"Oh yeah, for sure," Ruby agrees wholeheartedly, enthusiastically bobbing her head. Always the supportive and loving best friend and Emma smiles, feeling a little more relaxed sharing the news with someone.
She hasn't told her parents yet, because she knows that they will be just as anxious to find out about the person and that will only make her more nervous and excited and then she will really be obsessed with her phone.
"I messaged her last night, I thought by now she would have responded," she sheepishly confesses, her eyes never straying from her phone.
"I'm sure she will respond today, I mean, this is kinda huge, right? And who knows how she's related to your donor. She could be the person's mother and you know how awful it would be to bury your child, you know?" Ruby rambles, but Emma remains silent, bobbing her head along. "Or maybe her parent was your donor? Or best friend? Dude, I would have the hardest time-"
"I know," she immediately cuts off her friend because they have had to face that reality too many times now and she knows exactly how death can torment a person.
"She will get back to you. She probably just needs a minute to gather her thoughts. She's probably deciding on what she wants to ask you, right?"
"Yeah, that's true," she mumbles.
She can feel the intensity of Ruby's stare, burning against the side of her face and she knows her friend is worried about her. Ruby has been quietly regarding her, silently pleading with her to confess how she's truly feeling after the operation. Yet, for some reason, Ruby can't find the courage to interrogate her.
"Hey, how about we stop for lunch at my Granny's diner before I take you home?" Her friend hopefully suggests, her cheerful disposition on full display for Emma to latch onto and ride along with her.
But Emma sags further into her seat. "Nah, you know my mom will kill you if she finds out I was in public right now."
"Awe come on, she never has to know. You can wear your mask in the restaurant and just take it off to eat. I'll wear mine with you," Ruby playfully encourages, snatching hers right up from the center console and quickly slipping it on.
"Thanks," she weakly says, offering a tired smile and tearing her eyes away from her phone to meet the glowing eyes beaming back at her. "But I'll pass. Two more weeks and I'll be in the safe zone, then we can grab a bite in public."
"You go to support meetings and all your doctors' appointments, what's the difference?"
"It's two weeks. I rather be safe than sorry. There are a lot of germs out there right now and it's winter and so many people are sick. I can't risk catching something right now. My immune system is a mess."
"Alright," her friend reluctantly concedes, yanking off her mask and tossing it back down between them. "How about I still order from Granny and we eat back at your place?"
"That I can do."
"Perfect!"
It's only five minutes later when Ruby is jerking the car into Granny's parking lot and clambering out of the car to place their order. Emma sighs when she's finally alone, her hands moving quickly to unlock her phone. She opens her emails and refreshes the inbox and sure enough, a new email comes through and she growls at her stupid phone for not informing her right away.
Her heart unexpectedly leaps to her throat when she reads Regina's name at the top of the email.
Hello Emma,
Thank you for responding so quickly. I agree, this is all rather awkward and I'm not entirely sure how to navigate through any of this. You did inquire about my relationship with your donor and any information about him. His name is Naveen and I am his wife. However, I would really love it if we could meet in person and discuss everything more in depth. I understand, if maybe, that might be a bit much of a request, but I believe it would be best and most beneficial for both of us in person. Please let me know your thoughts.
In best regards,
Regina Mills
Emma's heart slips from being lodged in her throat and drops to the pit of her stomach. Regina wants to meet her? Her donor's wife wants to meet her in person?
Warm tears instantly fill her eyes from the amount of guilt that weighs down her soul. This woman lost her husband and Emma is walking around now with his heart in her chest and she cannot possibly fathom why this woman would want to meet her? She could only imagine how furious this woman has to be that her husband's life was taken away to allow some strange woman to live? How fair is that? How is her life more important than this woman's husband?
Emma's so lost in her guilt that she doesn't hear the car door popping open.
"Hey! Granny put extra fruit and pecans on your salad. Don't even act like you enjoy all that plain lettuce." When Ruby is greeted with a wall of thick silence, she jerks to her right to find her best friend silently crying. "Em, what's wrong, girl?" She quickly blurts out, leaning across the car to place one hand on her shoulder and one to her thigh to steal her attention.
With a shaky hand, Emma places her hand lightly over her chest, absorbing the steady rhythm that beats and then she heaves out a heavy sob.
"I have her husband's heart."
