cw: abuse; suggestive themes
"Why do nice people choose the wrong people to date?"
"We accept the love we think we deserve."
"Can we make them know we deserve more?"
"We can try."
~ Stephen Chbosky, "The Perks of Being a Wallflower"
Chapter 34: The Price of Forgiveness
Making it onto the hockey team was one sliver of good news to hold her over for the next week. Since that unfortunate argument with Kade, it had been difficult doing, well, anything. No matter how hard she tried to focus on her schoolwork, distract herself by spending time with Misty or Damian, throw herself into the multiple tryout sessions at the local rink, practice on the ice by herself, her mind always landed in the same place.
"From where I'm standing, you're just as fucked up as I am… maybe more."
Had he really meant all those hurtful things he'd said? Not only had his words been so unexpected and malicious, but just his behavior in general felt without rhyme or reason. Everything about that night had felt like a verbal attack and defense in one. What had she done to warrant such backlash?
At school, he ignored her just like he did with her texts and calls. His eyes skimmed over her whenever they happened to be in the same vicinity, and he laughed with his friends as if nothing was wrong. Every time, it had her stomach twisting into knots of discomfort, wondering how long they would go being like this. It did nothing to help the anxiety that, in itself, was already unhelpful; she kept asking the same questions over and over again, struggling to reassure herself since he wasn't. And it wasn't like she wanted to turn to anyone else either — Misty was pretty much tuned in to what had happened, telling Jess that what the blond had said and done wasn't okay.
"Prioritizing stardust over you was shitty of him," she'd said.
As for Damian… well, he didn't know a thing. She'd done her best to act normal around him because she just knew that if he found out even a single detail about the argument, he would say things she didn't want to hear, maybe even do things she didn't want him to. Worst case scenario was that he would likely confront Kade himself.
And why would Jess want her friend to do that?
A little over a week after the unfortunate event, she was walking to class and listening to music with the new headset Misty had gifted her for her birthday. The volume was up to drown out any chatter or bothersome noise that she might encounter while traversing the hallways, so she didn't hear her name being called.
A hand closed around her upper arm, startling the brunette, but when she whipped around to snap at whomever it was, Jess took in the familiar, gray-blue eyes and felt the words stop in her throat.
"Jess," Kade said — more like mouthed since she couldn't hear him.
Pausing the music and hanging the headphones around her neck, she avoided his gaze and merely stood there. At this end of the hallway, it was just the two of them with no other students around. Kade was speaking up again, his voice quiet.
"I miss you."
Something pulled in her chest at his words, but Jess didn't say anything, unsure of what to say. She'd missed him, too, hadn't she? Despite how hurt their altercation had left her, that didn't mean she hadn't wished they were okay and hanging around each other, holding hands.
"Did you get in?"
Taking a deep breath, she decided to finally look at him. His cool eyes were examining her, making her skin crawl with familiar tingles that he'd always given her. "Yeah, I did."
Shifting on his feet, he said, "Look… Can we start over? Pretend that day never happened?"
Pretend? Could she really do that?
"I don't know, Kade," she answered softly, biting the inside of her cheek and playing with the ring on her finger. "I still don't understand how all of that even happened. I don't get—"
I don't get what went wrong.
Her throat was tightening up, and she fought against it by swallowing hard and inhaling deeply. Against her will, her mind was reliving that day, showing her the irritation that had contorted his face and reminding her of the upsetting words he'd said.
"Last time I checked, you still feel guilty for all the shit you pulled after running away."
The worst part had to be the fact that he wasn't wrong. Of course she continued to harbor remorse about her wrongdoings, and yes, she often reminded herself that she was only here in Gotham because of Damian and Bruce, that she had to make her last school year worth their generosity. Jess thought about it nearly every day.
He stepped closer, taking her hand in his. The gesture had her heart thumping irregularly. "Let's just not worry about it, okay? Emotions got too high, and… I said things that I don't mean."
A tear was escaping despite her initial hope that she wouldn't cry. Jess hastily wiped at it with her free hand, not meeting his gaze. "What you said was pretty messed up, you know."
"I do know, Jess. I do," he urged her softly, fingers reaching to brush her hair from her face.
Instinctively, she moved away from his touch. She knew there was no way she could find it in herself to forgive him on the spot like this… even if his touch and attention were undeniably inviting. At her shying from his hand, Kade took her chin and made her face him — his fingers were grasping her gently, but Jess felt an urge to detach herself.
"I'll make it up to you," Kade was saying then, his eyes seeming to hold her in place like his hand was. "It was just a big misunderstanding, alright? You got in like you wanted, and I got what I needed. That's all that matters. We'll be fine."
Would they?
Before she could ask him, he was cupping her face in his hands and training his icy gaze on her. For some reason, the movement initiated a swarm of butterflies in her stomach, but he was soon giving her an earnest look, his voice having dropped to a pleading whisper.
"We'll be okay, babe. It won't happen again… Please?"
His skin was warm against her cheeks. The way he was looking at her plus the idea of making up and actually being happy again… Tears were stinging her eyes, and she knew that she wanted nothing more than for their relationship to be mended. She couldn't handle being ignored anymore, not having his lips on hers, experiencing his hand in hers or around her waist.
Those damned blue-gray eyes were imploring, and the wrinkles between his brows only made him look hopeful. The idea of hurting him, breaking that look on his face… He did look considerably better in health than he had in previous weeks. Obviously his new supply of stardust was treating him well, which meant his mood was in higher spirit, too. Maybe that had contributed to him reaching out to her to patch things up?
"I still want you."
And so did she.
Kade didn't hesitate after she nodded; he leaned down and kissed her, in turn releasing the tears she'd been holding back. He planted kisses across her face before wiping away the wetness and smiling crookedly at her.
"That's my girl," he said softly, sending shivers through her.
"I don't want you to talk to me like that again," Jess admitted, unable to control the trembling in her voice.
He shook his head. "Never again. I promise."
A thought crossed her mind. "Do you… Do you really believe I'm 'fucked up'?"
Sighing, Kade raised a brow and answered, "Honestly, aren't we all? In one way or another?"
Her eyes fell to his tie as she contemplated this. She supposed he was right in a sense… but that didn't make her feel much better about what he had said.
"But if it's any consolation, my feelings for you are the same. I know that what I said hurt you, but at the end of the day… you're still the best thing that's ever happened to me."
And then, with his thumb running along her lips, eyes trained steadily on her, he added, "I don't ever want to lose you, Jess."
"Then you should probably act like it."
"Of course," he answered with a slight grin. "I was just getting started falling in love with you."
The smile that had been growing on her face wavered. She stared at him, barely registering the chuckle he gave at her reaction. Did I hear him correctly?
"You…You're—what?" she tried to say, her mouth stuttering as badly as her brain was.
"Shh. Don't worry about it," was all he said before pressing his lips against hers again.
And just like that, Jess was willing to forget the insults, the harsh jabs at her insecurities and worries, the anger in his cold eyes, all the confusion and hurt she'd been left with. Because those sorts of things were bound to happen, right? These were the ups and downs of relationships, testaments of their dedication to each other and willingness to make something like this work. But even as everything seemed to go back to normal, Kade giving her all the affection in the world like he'd always done, winking at her from across a classroom or kissing her forehead, Jess found that there was a little voice of doubt bothering her in the back of her mind.
It could've easily been anxiety or unnecessary worry, maybe it was something more serious than that — but either way, she ignored it. How could she question things between them when they were on the edge of falling into something deeper than what she had first expected?
So much for not forgiving him on the spot.
Since that encounter with his older brother and father in the cave, the former assassin had found himself facing doubtful thoughts and feelings about his long-standing bitterness. If it weren't that day making him nearly second-guess the bad blood between them, it was what Jess had said to him previously.
"I think he's trying to reconnect with you," she'd told him.
And he'd dismissed the idea, confident that there was no possibility the older man would consider such a thing. Jason Todd was not the kind of person who cared enough to mend broken relationships and apologize first.
Or was he?
He'd spent nearly every day at war with himself, justifying a decision to continue ignoring his brother yet considering what it would be like to put his resentment aside. Could he overlook their past and finally forgive him? It certainly hadn't helped — or perhaps it had — when Dick was quick in his attempt to convince Damian that forgiveness was long overdue.
"I think I could spend a few more years loathing his existence."
"I'm sure you could, Dami," Dick said during the video call, his face taking up the entire laptop screen. "But the question is: do you want to do this for much longer? Sounds tiring to me."
From where he sat in his chair, Damian remained silent. Part of him wanted to answer immediately that yes, he did want to withhold any chances of granting Jason clemency. He wanted his brother to suffer, knowing he'd broken his trust and hurt him. Another, smaller voice echoed Dick's sentiment though, asking if the pool of constant negativity and hatred was worth living in. It was a voice he yearned to silence and do away with, but it was adamant in the same way Dick was being.
"Forgiving him isn't just for him, you know. It's for you, too. You don't deserve to be walking around, carrying that grudge and all the negativity with it."
"And what about what he deserves? He deserves to be—"
Pixelated, blue eyes rolled at him. "I know what you think he deserves. But don't you think he's been punished enough? Have you thought about the guilt that he's had to carry?"
Clenching his jaw, Damian glared at his desk. The idea of letting the pressure off Jason, allowing him to believe that what he'd done was forgivable and not shameful… It felt wrong.
Yet when the young man expressed this, Dick only sighed in exasperation. Even on a screen and at a funny angle, he managed to communicate his frustration with the way he looked at Damian, eyes heavy with seriousness.
"Dami… Forgiving Jason doesn't mean you're saying what he did was okay or that you'll pretend it never happened," the older man explained. "None of us can pretend that night never happened. It affected all of us."
Before he could sit for a few moments and process Dick's words, he was adding, "I'm pretty sure him showing up after all this time means he wants his little brother back… Don't you?"
Perhaps if he'd asked a year ago or even six months before now, Damian would have been quick to say no. He would have turned his nose up at such an awful question, spouting his hopes and desires that Jason understood his new place as a former brother, banished from Damian's circle. Never again would they have any sort of relationship, he would say.
This was now. And despite his expertise in keeping unwanted emotions at bay, Damian was aware of a tug within him, a knock at the walls withholding all the sensations he refused to feel. Memories, bitter and sweet, vague and vivid, seemed to force their way into his mind — blue-green eyes flashed at him mischievously while the 11-year-old chased him around the manor after a prank; his annoying snicker echoed at a dry remark Tim had made; rough hands ruffled his hair on a Christmas morning; his voice, normally aloof, sounded far away and small in the second voicemail he'd left after the incident.
"I know talking to me is the last thing you wanna do, but I… I fucked up, Damian. I know that I really, really fucked up."
Damian had known his older brother carried that guilt with him and that there was a reason why he'd spent the last two years unyielding in his bitterness… Dick seemed to understand as well.
"Have you even forgiven yourself for what happened?"
No, he hadn't.
The former assassin didn't need anymore guidance from Dick to recognize what he was saying: he had never reprieved himself of losing Irene, so he'd taken his own blame and guilt and forced it upon his brother. Jason had been named as the only man to take on all that weight with Damian hellbent on making him pay for it… because he hadn't successfully found a way to do it on his own.
It wasn't very fair, was it?
Their video call ended with Dick expressing his hope that Damian would find it in himself to let it go, and Damian was left with self-doubt and more pressure against his mental walls. He allowed bits and pieces of their conversation to sit in the back of his mind for several days, preparing for the next time he did see Jason. Would he turn away like he always did or unlock a door he'd barred for years? As easy as it would be to do the former, he knew that he would be exchanging more hatred for convenience.
At this point, Damian wasn't quite sure he wanted to continue paying that price.
Jason had shown up unexpectedly (again) and this time, with pizza instead of a plant. Damian's initial response had been the same as usual, the narrowing of his gaze, a reflexive wave of tension through his limbs… yet it had been followed by hesitation that hadn't been there before.
He was in the middle of debating his reaction to Jason's appearance when his friend showed up shortly after he'd answered the door. Her curious gaze flickered between the two as they headed to the kitchen and Jason pointed out that the food was from Joe's Pizzeria, a staple from Damian's memories growing up. It had been one of the family's favorites over the years.
Hmm. Was there some hidden reason he'd gone out of his way to do this?
"Old man and Alfie back yet? Figured some takeout would let them off the hook for tonight."
Had his father been the one to invite him over again?
"No, they're not."
"Got your favorite," he casually said to his younger brother, pushing the aromatic box towards him. "And Jess, I heard you're a fan of their garlic knots."
Jess looked first at Damian as if awaiting instruction, then responded, "You could say that."
Silent, Damian reached for the box and opened it, laying his eyes upon the vegetarian pizza he'd loved in his early teen years. Despite how great it smelled and the fact that they hadn't made plans for dinner, he found himself still struggling to settle on a decision.
"That is still your favorite, right?" Jason wasn't looking at him as he organized the boxes across the counter.
Straightening up and closing the lid on the box, Damian merely said, "I appreciate the gesture, but I have no appetite."
He was making his way to leave the kitchen when he heard a chipper "Well, I do."
To his annoyance, Jess was retrieving a plate from the cabinet and then reaching for the small container of garlic knots that Jason had opened. The older man was watching with amusement, and his gaze briefly flickered to Damian, who was in turn narrowing his eyes at her. He'd been expecting the teen to follow him out of the kitchen. What was she doing?
"Take it upstairs with—"
"I'm just gonna eat real quick here," Jess interrupted dismissively as she sat on a stool. "That okay?"
She finally met his bewildered gaze, and Damian could easily read what she was saying with her eyes. As much as he wanted to resist and perhaps even drag her out of the kitchen if that's what it came to… he exhaled sharply and went to sit beside her. Jason, who had been silent (though Damian had a strong feeling he was laughing silently to himself), went about his business, gathering his own plate of food along with a bag of chips that had seemingly appeared out of nowhere.
Jess pulled not one but two slices of the vegetarian pizza onto her plate. Damian raised a brow at her when she scooted it towards him, gesturing to it with a garlic knot in her hand.
Come on, her eyes seemed to say. It's okay.
He couldn't determine if he was embarrassed or irritated. Perhaps he was neither. It was clear his friend was trying to reel him in, help him navigate his strong feelings about Jason being at the manor yet again. Calm, hazel eyes held inquisitive, green ones, unspoken words hanging in the air between them.
"Don't be stubborn," she then said quietly, unfazed by the scowl he gave her.
Jason let out a chuckle from where he stood across the kitchen. "'Stubborn' is one of his many middle names," he commented before opening his bag of chips.
A cold remark was at the tip of Damian's tongue when Jess rolled her eyes. "Oh, I know."
Another glowering look from the former assassin that had no effect on the teen; she simply appeared to biting back a smile while standing to get a glass of water.
"Speak for yourself," was all Damian could say before reluctantly reaching for the slice of pizza.
"So how'd you two meet?" Jason asked, splitting an interested gaze between the two.
"The library," Jess answered at the same time Damian replied, "It's none of your business."
Her eyes widened at the frustrated glare shot in her direction. They were most certainly not on the same page, and her willingness to entertain Jason's presence was nothing short of aggravating.
Turning his attention back to his food, Jason shrugged and said, "We can just pretend I didn't ask."
Damian, whose gaze was still on his friend, stood from his stool, about to demand that he speak with her in private. But Jess's phone suddenly rang and she was quick to answer it, averting her eyes. He could tell by the "Hi" she gave that it was Kade. Shaking his head, he went to rinse the plate in the sink.
"I dunno. It's been a while since I have," he heard Jess say behind him. A pause, then, "I'm pretty sure she's gonna be a witch or something generic. I don't remember what she said."
It sounded as if they were discussing Halloween, a holiday he hadn't cared to participate in in a few years. Amused, Damian continued placing the dishware in the dishwasher as he kept listening. From where he sat, Jason was tilting his head back and dumping the remaining contents of the chips bag in his mouth.
"Harley Quinn?" Jess echoed as she gazed down at the counter, phone pressed to her ear. "Yeah, I don't know how I feel about dressing up as a criminal for Halloween."
Brows raised, Damian straightened up to look at her just as there was a coughing sound — Jason appeared to be hacking on his food, chip crumbs all over the counter in front of him as he thumped at his chest. Yet the young man could tell his older brother wasn't genuinely choking, not when there was laughter in his bright eyes as they locked gazes across the kitchen.
Jess had shot Jason a confused look before responding to Kade again. "Do you know how many girls are probably all gonna be Catwoman, too?"
Another strangled noise had both Jess and Damian watching Jason spit up water from the glass at his mouth. He set it down and covered his mouth with his sleeve, gaze averted and clearly attempting to conceal his laughter. The teen stared at him in awe before looking at Damian, who was, admittedly, biting the inside of his cheek in an effort to remain composed. When she mouthed "Why's he laughing?" he could only shrug and watch as she rolled her eyes at Jason, getting up to leave the kitchen.
As soon as she rounded the corner, the older man was grinning impishly and Damian shook his head, tossing a hand towel at him.
"You're such a child."
Blue-green eyes filled with humor flashed in his direction while he proceeded to wipe at his mess on the counter. "Calm down, demon brat. I saw how badly you wanted to laugh, too. Shit's funny and you know it."
"There was nothing funny about it," Damian denied while crossing his arms and leaning against the counter.
"Really? You saw nothing hilarious about your friend's boyfriend saying she should dress up as Harley or our dear stepmom for Halloween?"
"Keep your voice down, Todd…"
Jason rolled his eyes before taking another gulp from his glass. "She's not gonna hear a damn thing. You know that Kade kid is just hyping her up on the other end of the line, talking about how he knows she's gonna look good in a catsuit or jester outfit."
He took notice of Damian's silence, glancing up to see that the former assassin was glaring daggers at him. Raising his hands in innocence, he backtracked, "Sorry. Touchy subject, I see."
No, it isn't.
Yet the strange discomfort in his chest and limbs made him feel doubtful of his own words. What should he care that Kade was most likely saying such things as Jason suggested? It wouldn't be unordinary for him as Jess's boyfriend and the teenage boy he was… On the other hand, Damian had known their relationship had made him slightly uncomfortable from the beginning. He'd immediately disapproved of it based on his established feelings about the blond, and even after agreeing to tolerate it for her sake, something about it continued to dig under his skin. It could have been his stubbornness to fully accept that they were together, it might have had something to do with his suspicion about how he treated her, or possibly…
"I take it you're not his biggest fan," Jason mused nonchalantly. "I mean, I think I get it. I don't really know much about the kid, but from what I've seen, there's something about him—"
"He reminds me of you," Damian deadpanned.
The older man paused mid-bite for a moment before following through with the action. Damian could feel his gaze on him as he finished cleaning up, putting away Jess's glass and consciously avoiding meeting his brother's eyes. He was moving towards the entryway when he heard Jason speak up again.
"Yeah, I can see why you probably hate his guts then."
"Definitely the best Harley of the night!"
Jess glanced up to see a girl dressed up in a bright red devil costume beaming at her. Returning the smile, she shouted over the thumping rap music, "Thank you! I love your costume, too."
It was one of many compliments she'd gotten throughout the night, something she knew she couldn't complain about, especially considering how much effort she and Kade had put into their outfits. He'd convinced her that the costume made perfect sense for them as a couple, and she'd ended up agreeing (mostly because she really didn't have any other ideas, not when she hadn't participated in Halloween in years). Sure, it was a little weird dressing up as actual criminals who had a long history of terrorizing Gotham, but the blond had practically begged her.
"You and I will make the best Joker and Harley, babe," he'd said with that crooked grin of his. "Obviously way better looking though."
So Jess had enlisted Misty's help and gone all out with a blonde wig in pigtails, dyed blue and pink at the ends (she was not going to bleach her own locks blonde) and a matching two-piece, jester-inspired outfit that was… well, revealing. The shorts were unbelievably short and the sleeveless top exposed part of her midriff, but thankfully the jacket offered a little bit of warmth. It was getting considerably colder in Gotham, and part of her was regretting dressing up in such minimal clothing. A few times, she'd accidentally reached up to rub at or itch her eye, forgetting she was wearing more makeup than usual, and she was leaving lipstick stains on her cups.
But at least all this effort was turning out to be worth it, right?
A hand touching her bare, lower back had Jess jumping a little. Kade's white-painted face appeared, and she breathed a sigh of relief.
"Getting yourself something to drink?" he asked, raising his voice over the music and laughter.
Admittedly, his characteristic grin seemed to work well with the costume. The red marks drawn outward from the corners of his mouth accentuated each time that he smiled or laughed. His ice-colored eyes, surrounded by dark eyeshadow, appeared brighter, but maybe that was just the alcohol, stardust, and Halloween spirit he was running on for the night. A strand of hair that he'd sprayed green had fallen from where it was slicked back, hanging over his forehead.
"Here," he then said, handing her the plastic cup he'd been holding. "Oh wait. I think this one's got dust in it."
Jess allowed him to pour her a new cup of vodka and soda, silently grateful he'd remembered that the drug was in the drink. She didn't even want to imagine what would've happened if she'd taken even a sip or two.
Peter's tall figure brushed past a few teenagers bunched up at the kitchen entryway, waving the two of them down. Dressed comically in a cheap Superman costume he'd bought the day before, Kade's friend called, "Let's take some pictures outside!"
She had to blink away lingering bright spots after a few minutes of their peers taking turns posing in front of the house. They'd gotten a lot of drunken shouts of support when Kade asked someone to take photos of just the two of them, especially when he kissed her without warning, one hand at the back of her neck and the other at her lower back. Needless to say, it was a little bit embarrassing, but Jess knew she should've been used to his conspicuous displays of affection by now.
Besides, she didn't really have any desire to protest against her boyfriend's touchiness and how often he was paying attention to her tonight. It made flutters rise in her stomach, the way he had her sit in his lap or randomly slid an arm around her bare waist. Even if he was busy talking to someone else, Kade made sure she felt seen and acknowledged… and she wouldn't have asked for anything more. At one point, he'd slung his arm around her shoulders to tell her something in her ear that simply reaffirmed what he'd said the day they reconciled.
"I don't know if you've noticed, but I can't keep my hands off you when you look like that."
Oh, she'd noticed.
Contentment stirring in her (with the help of the little bit of alcohol in her system), Jess split off from Kade to find Misty. Her friend, dressed head-to-toe as a magician with a cape and hat, didn't fail to notice her good mood.
Raising a brow, she asked, "Kade still on good behavior?"
Jess couldn't blame her for asking but was glad to give her an answer that was honest and positive. "So far, so good!" she called over the pop song filling the house.
Later, she attempted to navigate her way through dancing bodies to find her boyfriend. Several teens were stopping her to say hi or compliment her costume, but she never paused long enough to talk and have a full conversation, not when she was on a determined search. Kade wasn't outside nor was he in the packed living room or kitchen, so she wandered towards the back of the house where his room was. He happened to be leaving, shutting the door behind him, but before she could catch his attention, Jess watched as two girls left the bathroom and nearly ran into him.
Olivia and Mara, both friends of Kade, were dressed as cops, their outfits barely reaching mid-thigh. Though she couldn't read any of their lips or hear what they were saying, she could certainly recognize the body language being displayed: Mara was stepping towards Kade, reaching to pull at the lapel of his blazer, and Olivia brushed back the strands of hair at his temple.
Confusion rose in Jess at the sight. What were they doing?
The two girls laughed at something her boyfriend said, an unimpressed expression on his face. That made Jess breathe a little more easily — he clearly wasn't welcoming whatever was going on there.
But then Kade was grinning as Mara's hand, still on his lapel, found its way to his shirt and trailed a few inches down his chest with her other hand holding up fake cuffs from her belt. Beside her, Olivia was giggling and pushing his shoulder playfully. Jess stood there, oblivious to the bodies bumping into her, for what felt like a very long, long minute, her ears starting to ring and lungs feeling tight.
Why wasn't he stepping away from them? Why wasn't he dismissing their touchy hands and gestures? What were they even saying? Didn't those two know Kade was not an available guy? (Yes, they did know. Jess had actually hung out with them a few times.)
She needed air.
The night was cold and crisp as she walked through the front door, ignoring the small groups of people huddled nearby. Above her, the sky was pitch black and cloudless. It was difficult to see the stars that she knew were there, but Jess vaguely noted that she'd definitely be able to see them at the manor.
She found herself texting him and saying she was going to have Misty take her home. Instead of asking why, he asked where she was, and they met in his room a minute later.
Closing the door and shutting out most of the party noise, he turned to her with concern in his eyes. "What's wrong?"
"I'm just not feeling all that great," Jess lied smoothly, not meeting his gaze.
"Did you drink too much or…?"
"No, I barely had anything. I just have a headache and need to lie down."
"Well, you can rest in here if you want—"
She shook her head. "I mean away from all this noise, Kade. I kind of want to be in my own bed. I think… I think I'm done for the night."
His hands were at her waist then, pulling her closer as he insisted, "Hey, it's barely midnight. I don't want you to leave. Plus, I was hoping you'd stay the night…"
She had to resist shying away from his fingers moving to the back of her neck. His touch didn't feel right, as much as it pained her to think it. An image of Olivia reaching up to touch his hair flashed in her mind, making Jess's chest constrict uncomfortably.
"You sure I can't make you feel better?" he asked mischievously before planting his mouth under her ear.
Gently pushing him away, she steeled her nerves and said, "I—sorry. Not tonight. I'm really tired, okay?"
Maybe it was just her imagination but she could've sworn his eyes flickered with annoyance or something like it. Before she could consider it, she found herself adding, "But maybe tomorrow."
It was odd, this desire to appease him and reduce any possibility he would get upset with her… but dealing with any negative response from him was the last thing she wanted to do tonight.
"Damn, okay." Kade gave her a lopsided grin, clearly welcoming the suggestion.
And so they left his room, nothing but an unpleasant mix of uneasiness and alcohol churning in her stomach. She scanned the room as he went off to the kitchen, eyes landing on Olivia and Mara who were standing in the corner and laughing loudly with a group of boys dressed as criminals in black-and-white-striped ensembles. The former looked around and met Jess's gaze, smiling at her and giving a small wave. Jess managed to return the gestures but not before turning away and finding it difficult to breathe.
She had been so nice, especially upon their first meeting. Olivia had even expressed interest in showing up for one of Jess's first hockey games…
Working to ignore the turmoil in her mind, she selected the first contact in her phone that she had on speed dial, eager to be out of this ridiculous outfit and in bed.
He knew something was wrong when she climbed into his car, dressed in a costume that was, in his opinion, incredibly distasteful and outrageous. That was his first thought at least, despite knowing her plans to spend Halloween prancing around as a deranged villain, yet the second sentiment to cross his mind was more of a feeling… an accidental reaction that should have been a mere observation and nothing more.
Green eyes fell first to the skin of her abdomen that was exposed for all to see, then to her legs that were also bare. The material of the costume, from the top to the shorts and thigh-high socks, was distinctly form-fitting — he could only imagine the eyes she'd attracted tonight, which settled a bundle of discomfort in the pit of his stomach.
That was when Damian was reminded that there was a Joker to her Harley, and he found himself instantly miffed at what the blond must have been thinking when he saw her in this outfit. As Jess's friend, he was allowed to be protective of her and the male gaze, wasn't he? Including her own boyfriend?
The peculiar sensations in his heart and the tightening of his fingers on the wheel suggested something different. Yet he was quick to shelve those thoughts and feelings as Jess laid back in the passenger seat with a sigh. Beneath the heavy makeup and messy red lipstick, she appeared tired and distracted.
"I thought you would have stayed the whole night."
As he shifted into drive, she shrugged and looked out the window. "I thought so, too, but I guess I'm outgrowing these parties or something. Growing up, maybe?"
"Misty didn't want to take you home?"
"She would have, but I told her to stay and enjoy the night. So thanks for letting me interrupt whatever you were doing." She tossed him a smile that was teasing but didn't quite reach her eyes.
Damian shrugged. "I wasn't doing anything important."
Even if he had been in the middle of something remotely meaningful, he likely would have come for her anyway.
He walked her up to her dorm room, contemplating the possibility of asking what was really on her mind. There were plenty of things that could be the source of her distracted behavior, though it was also likely she simply hadn't enjoyed herself at the party. Still, Damian couldn't help considering how quiet she had been during the car ride. Perhaps he was being overly observant when she was merely in need of rest, or—
"Do you wanna stay and watch a scary movie or something?" she asked, opening the door to the dorm.
"You don't like horror movies," he stated with a raised brow as he followed her in.
"Yeah, but it's Halloween. Gotta do something festive, right? Plus, you're here. I wouldn't watch by myself."
She immediately pulled off the blonde wig, wincing and mumbling to herself about how uncomfortable and sweaty her head felt. Damian took a seat at her desk, watching as she attempted to remove the bald cap her hair had been stuffed into. It was certainly amusing, the lengths she had gone to in order to emulate one of Gotham's worst. (Part of him wondered what his father's reaction would be if he saw how Jess had decided to spend Halloween. And Jason… He could see and hear the fit of laughter now.)
A few minutes passed as Jess shut herself in the bathroom to shower, but then she was exiting with a frustrated grimace on her face. She was no longer wearing the jacket, her loose, knotted hair falling over her bare shoulders and back.
"My hair is stuck in the zipper," she told him with an exhausted eye roll, turning around to show him.
He stood and crossed the room to stand behind her. His hands brushed against her skin as he carefully released the strands of hair from the top of the zipper, and an odd burning or tingly feeling had started in his fingertips.
"Can you also undo the choker please?"
Jess reached up to gather her hair and pull it aside so he could find the clasp. In the process, his eyes landed on a small mole at the slope where her neck met her shoulder blade. He'd never seen it before since it had always been covered by her hair or clothing, and with this much of her skin exposed… it only made sense. Though he undid the clasp with ease, Damian thought he caught his fingers trembling ever so slightly.
Him, shaking?
He had to work to dismiss the strangeness of it all as she hurried back into the bathroom. The girl that returned was not the teenage Harley Quinn that had entered before — to his relief — because it was only Jess, bare-faced with damp hair and wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt.
Yet even as they arranged themselves on her bed with the laptop and Otis the Octopus in her arms, Damian was highly aware of how close they were. Not that it was out of the ordinary for her to lay her head against his shoulder or wrap her arms around his bicep — no, it was the hypervigilance with which he spent the rest of their night, conscious of every time she touched him and each whiff of fresh lavender and other pleasant smells. It absolutely didn't help that she buried her face into his arm when she was frightened, laughing at herself, and, not even halfway through the movie, had ended up curled against his side with her knees nearly in his lap.
Damian was hardly an unstable, trembling sort of person — far from it, really — but that night had him questioning his own inner balance.
What was it about Jess that had him feeling… unsteady?
Making her feel better the next day, just like they'd discussed, was exactly what Kade did. In fact, with each day that passed, Jess relied on that undeniable ability of his to make her feel wanted. She took every opportunity that would give her reassurance and reinforce the idea that he had eyes for her and her only, savoring his plentiful displays of affection. Her mentality had changed from now on when they were intimate; she wanted more than ever to feel like he was hers and she was his, that there was nothing else to worry about that could threaten what they had. Of course, Kade didn't complain about it at all, glad to receive her increased willingness to fool around in an empty classroom or spend half their lunch break in the back of his car.
Unfortunately, Jess knew better than to believe her willful ignorance would make the doubt go away. She couldn't stop thinking about what she'd witnessed on Halloween, and there was only so much she could do to rationalize it. Not even her therapist had to tell her that she had to voice her concerns and tell Kade how she felt. As much as she enjoyed the physical relationship they had and the way he'd been treating her in general, there was nothing about her worry that could be solved by having his hand around her neck or his teeth on her skin.
So despite how desperately she wanted to prove that he wasn't in danger of being snatched out of her grip, to prove that he only wanted her, Jess came to her decision. It might have taken a while — weeks after Halloween — to navigate the anxiety and worry, but she was going to do it. She had to.
"Hey, you're early. Didn't want me to pick you up?"
"I need to talk to you."
"Oh… Right now?" Kade's brows knitted together in confusion as he stood there in the doorway, but his question only made Jess more impatient than she already was.
Trying to control her rapid heartbeat, she urged, "Kade. Please."
His icy gaze widened for a fraction of a second before he seemed to finally realize how serious she was. He looked behind him before stepping in and gesturing for her to enter.
Jess's gaze darted around the house as she walked past him, and he must have caught it because he was then saying, "You're the first one here, so it's just us for now. What's got you so worried?"
He reached for her, but she immediately took a step backwards, earning a puzzled look from him. Her heart was pounding, and it felt like something was stuck in her throat.
Ask him. You have to ask him, a voice urged.
"Babe. What's going on here?"
"Your Halloween party… I noticed something that night," she managed to force out, arms crossed as she stood there and avoided meeting his gaze.
"Yeah? Like what?"
Jess stopped to take a deep breath, willing her nerves to calm down. Her voice shook as she continued, "When you were in the hallway, Olivia and Mara were there with you… It looked like they were trying to, you know... get close to you."
"'Olivia and Mara'?" He sounded dumbfounded, and she could feel his eyes on her. "What are you talking about?"
"It looked a lot like they were flirting with you, and you weren't doing anything about it," she blurted, finally looking up at him.
Kade's gray-blue eyes stared at her in what appeared to be disbelief... but then they narrowed. "How so?"
Frustration nipped at her. "How else? You weren't telling them off or moving away or anything. At one point, it… you seemed like you were even…"
Enjoying it. She couldn't even say it.
"Are you kidding me, Jess? Nothing happened. They were drunk, having a good time. I didn't touch them or say anything because I didn't wanna be mean and ruin their night."
"All you had to do was stop them or remind them you have a girlfriend," Jess insisted, her voice cracking.
Kade rolled his eyes and threw his hands up in annoyance. "And what if that hadn't worked?"
"I don't know. You walk away? Kick them out since you're the party host?"
He let out a scoff. "'Kick them out,'" he echoed. "They were just having fun, Jess. I was having fun. No need for anyone to get worked up over some innocent flirting — I'm sure they just didn't remember or, hell, maybe they didn't care."
"Well, that's the point of telling them because they should respect—"
"Is there some deeper problem I don't know about?"
She fell silent for a moment, taken aback. "What?"
He glared at her before waving a hand towards her. "Are you just making a problem out of nothing because you're mad about something else?"
What on earth was he talking about?
"No, I—"
"This is why you're always so clingy, isn't it?" Kade shook his head in disappointment. "Do you just automatically see every girl, maybe every person around me, as a threat so you get jealous?"
Clingy. Jealous.
"I'm not jealous," Jess protested, vaguely aware of the stinging behind her eyes as her irritation only intensified. "It just made me uncomfortable, that's all, especially when you didn't do anything to stop them. I-I want you to be... honest with me about why."
Why you didn't stop them, why you seemed to like it.
"So you're calling me a liar."
At that, she couldn't even respond, especially when something that looked like anger was blazing in his eyes.
"You know, you being clingy and the stardust shit were things I decided to overlook. But now I'm starting to second guess this whole damn thing."
"W-what are you saying?"
Kade stared at her for a long moment before passing a hand over his face tiredly. "Besides me, you've only got two friends, Jess. Maybe if you had more, you wouldn't be attacking me for stupid shit like this."
His words cut off her air supply, making her painfully swallow and try to take steady breaths.
"And I find it kind of hypocritical of you to say all this when I've felt from the beginning like you and Wayne had something going on."
"What?" Jess was stunned; her mouth fell open before she let out a bitter laugh. "You're joking, right? There's absolutely nothing like that between us."
Gray-blue irises drilled into her. "I don't know, Jess, you two spend every waking minute together—"
"Because he's my best friend—"
"And Liv and Mara are my friends!" Kade's voice rose sharply as his eyes flashed, startling her. "See how fucking stupid that sounds?"
Jess could do nothing but stand there, blood pounding in her ears as she watched him regard her with such irritation and impatience. He made his way towards the couch and sat on the arm, running his fingers through his hair.
"Dammit, Jess. Why do you always have to make things so goddamn complicated?"
Before she could even begin to form a response, he suddenly added, "I've trusted all this time that you and Wayne are just friends. But you can't do the same for me?"
"It's not the same thing—"
"Oh, of course it's not. Jess is the only exception, right?" he challenged with sarcasm heavy in his tone. "Jess is allowed to fuck around with her guy best friend, but I'm not allowed to just have friends that are girls."
"That's not even what I said—"
"Jesus, shut up. Just shut up, Jess."
She couldn't breathe. Kade was... furious. His ice-cold glare pierced her from across the living room, and his body was wrought with tension. All Jess could do was try not to drown in confusion and disbelief. There was no way this was actually happening, was there?
"You know what? I just can't fucking do this anymore. I was having second thoughts anyway."
The air was definitely vanishing from her lungs now while his words sunk painfully into her.
Kade seemed to take notice of her silence. He met her widened eyes and then shook his head like he couldn't believe her stunned expression. "Come on, babe. Why are you looking at me like you don't get it?"
She finally found her voice and managed to respond, "Because... I-I don't."
You were having second thoughts? About being with me?
"I can't do anything right for you. You always need this, you need to know that. You worry about every little thing, it's so exhausting. And for what? This is your way of throwing a fit just to throw one? Do you just get off on making our lives complicated?"
Trying to breathe slowly to calm her high heart rate, Jess attempted to defend herself. "No. I just needed you to tell me the truth, but apparently you can't even tell what is true and what isn't."
It seemed like he hadn't heard her. "I don't get it, Jess," he expressed, gesturing towards her. "I seriously don't get where this is coming from. You were literally just in the backseat of my car the other day, being the complete opposite of… whatever this is."
She didn't say anything. She bit back the tears, watching as he stood there, eyes boring into her angrily until she had to look away.
A warm tear spilled down her cheek. Part of her wanted to pursue the questionable topic of him and the two girls as "friends," but another part was suddenly drained... and hurt. So hurt. Clearly, there were other issues happening here, and she was feeling the weight of them crushing her.
Jess had had no idea that Kade had apparently felt this way. Maybe he didn't mean it. Maybe he was just upset and saying things that weren't true...
"How can you say all of that when you—when you say that you were starting to love me?"
He was silent for a moment, bright eyes still staring at her as the unreadable expression on his face turned into something cold, something... apathetic. Unbothered.
"I guess I changed my mind," was what he finally said.
Against her will, more tears fell, blurring her vision as her throat constricted. You changed your mind. She found herself moving towards the front door when she heard him warn, "Jess, don't fucking walk away from me."
She shouldn't have, but she looked back and could see Kade pushing himself off the couch arm through her tears. He was approaching her, and Jess couldn't bring herself to budge from where she stood.
"You want my honesty?"
No.
Something about the strange calmness in his voice told her she didn't want to hear what he had to say, so Jess stepped once again in the direction of the door. But his hand was taking her by the elbow while the other one grabbed her at her jaw to turn her face towards him.
"Jessica."
His grasp was gentle at first as Kade's icy eyes ran over her face, but once she attempted to move away, his fingers tightened and kept her in place, forcing her to look at him.
"You said I made you feel wanted. You leave, then nobody wants you. Wanna know why?"
Her body was reacting in an all-too-familiar manner now; the next thing she knew, she could feel his heartbeat as if it were her own… She could feel the power surging through her limbs, her hands, fastening her system to his. Fight-or-flight had been triggered, bringing her abilities to the surface as she found herself scrambling to connect to something, anything that she could hold onto and—
"Kade, let go of—" she tried to demand, her words slightly muffled by the way he was holding her jaw.
"'Cause your baggage is too much to carry, do you get that?" he interrupted in a low but aggressive tone. "You're exhausting."
Stop. Just stop. I don't want to hear—
"If it wasn't for the fact that you make up for all that in bed... I probably wouldn't want you either."
Her eyes stung again, desperation clawing at her frozen limbs as they screamed to get out of that house, out of his hands. The more he spoke, the harder the words shoved themselves right through her heart, cracking it. Though the previous look of impatience and displeasure was gone, she could still see it in the eerily calm way he was looking at her... She'd never seen him like this, never witnessed this meanness. His features were relaxed, but everything was there in his cold, hardened eyes.
And the way they were connected — he couldn't have known it, probably didn't feel it, but Jess did. She felt all of it, the adrenaline in his veins in addition to her own, the oddly steady thumping of his heart… yet it did nothing but freeze her in place, making her unable to make a move or tear something in his system to make it all stop.
"So if anyone ever tells you they want more than this," his gaze roamed her up and down to emphasize his point, "they're lying to you. I'd bet on my life that's all Wayne wants from you, too."
That did it.
Jess reached up and tore his hand from her face; at the same time, she shattered the link she'd made to his body, suddenly alone in her stress and disbelief. Kade didn't appear fazed as she pulled her arm from his grip and practically stumbled from the house, ran out of the neighborhood and in a direction she didn't even pay attention to, not when her vision was blurred and she felt like she couldn't breathe.
"I was just getting started falling in love with you."
She just ran. It didn't matter that it'd started raining, that she was soaked in less than a minute. She ran.
"Think of the street names of places that brought you happiness growing up."
Downey Lane, Twelfth Street, Sunview Drive.
Darkness had fallen, blanketing Gotham in its signature night sky and chilling air.
"Use your senses to ground yourself and bring yourself back to the present: what can you see? What you can feel? What can you smell?..."
It was just a sheet of rain between her and whatever she ran towards, but she couldn't feel or decipher any of it. She couldn't feel the wetness, the road beneath her feet, the breaths her lungs struggled to take, the dewy smell in the air.
Downey Lane, Twelfth—
"I guess I changed my mind."
Downey Lane, Twelfth Street, Sunview—
"You leave, then nobody wants you."
Downey Lane, Twelfth Street, Sunview Drive. Downey Lane, Twelfth Street, Sunview Drive. Downey Lane, Twelfth Street, Sunview Drive.
When he'd seen Jess's name appear on his vibrating phone, he hardly thought anything of it. Perhaps she was going to ask if he was busy and whether he wanted to do something together. (His answer, like many other times, would be yes.) The other possibility was that she hadn't studied enough for her upcoming physics test and was panicking a bit.
"Did you decide you need help studying after all?"
"Damian, it's Misty."
He paused. That was strange. "Is Jess alright?"
"Uh... no. Not really." The girl's voice was hesitant and quiet as if she was trying not to wake someone nearby. "She told me to call you. I'm just so pissed off, and I dunno what to do—"
"What happened?" Damian stood with his phone pressed to his ear, tension flooding his body.
"You have to come straight here, okay? She'll be so mad if—"
"Misty. What. Happened?"
There was a heavy sigh on the other end. Each passing second made him impatient, and he was already working to contain the anxiety from waiting to hear what was going on with Jess.
"It was Kade. I don't know exactly how it happened, but I guess she asked him about Olivia and Mara 'cause they were flirting with him on Halloween, and he didn't do anything about it. He got pissed off, apparently, and started going off about how she was accusing him and he was getting tired of the relationship anyway or something dumb like that.
"Then... well, he also said something really fucked up about how no one else will want her and he was only with her for, um, uh, you know... She's here at my place right now, really torn up about it. I mean, she hasn't stopped crying, and I think she was out in the rain for a little while, so you should just come over—"
Her voice was gone when he hung up.
"It was Kade."
All he saw and felt was red as he drove as quickly as he could through the city, the roar of his car not enough to drown out the anger spilling from his body and filling his ears with ringing. A brief image of Jess, tears running down her face, flashed in his mind's eye. It was soon replaced by a fantasy of putting his hands around that blond cretin's throat. His knuckles were white, hands gripping the wheel like he was acting out the scene in his head.
"He said something really fucked up about how no one else will want her and he was only with her for, um, uh, you know..."
He did know.
It should have taken about twenty minutes to arrive in the neighborhood, but at his very illegal, dangerously high speed and despite the heavy rain, the Aston Martin arrived in eight instead. A few other cars were already littered across the long driveway of the modern home, colorful lights flashing in the windows to the beat of a bass-heavy rap song. But Damian hardly noticed any of his surroundings, all of his senses overloaded with pure, hot rage. Only a miniscule part of him was making an effort to reel it in, but it was losing.
It was losing quickly.
The front door was unlocked when he walked through it as calmly as his enraged nerves would let him. Dancing bodies were already swarming around him, but he pushed on, his blazing, green eyes scanning the crowded entryway, kitchen then living room for a familiar blond head. The music was filling his ears, punctuated by shrieks of laughter and chatter, and the scents of sweat and alcohol invaded his nose.
There.
Kade was standing in the corner of the large living room, one hand in his pocket and the other holding a beer bottle. He was engaged in a conversation with someone Damian didn't even see because his sight was set on him and him only. Making a beeline for the teen and unintentionally shoving others out of his way, earning annoyed glares and mutters, the former assassin's hand went straight for the front of Kade's shirt. In a split second, he had him up and against the wall, mere inches separating his deathly glare and Kade's stunned expression.
"Dude, what the hell—"
Damian was vaguely aware of cold liquid somewhere on his arm, likely from the beer bottle the blond had dropped out of surprise, but he didn't care. He was doing everything he could to hold back the itch in his hands, but looking into the face of someone who'd hurt the only girl he cared about made it very, very difficult.
"What did you do to her?" he demanded harshly, voice cutting into the party's lively atmosphere.
"What the fuck are you on? Let go of me," Kade was nearly yelling, brows knitted together in frustration and his hands held up in the air.
Then suddenly the music stopped and so did everything else, Damian's disruptive entrance having halted the entire party. Underneath the rage bubbling to the surface, he could feel many eyes on him, the swift silence that followed almost thicker and louder than the boisterous noise that had been taking place just seconds ago.
"What did you do to her?"
Realization seemed to pierce through the other teen's panic and confusion, his eyes narrowing in cold indignation. "I told her the truth... 'cause she asked for it."
A hot wave of anger rushed over him, enveloping his entire being. The truth? Damian's other fist that wasn't pinning Kade against the wall opened and closed repeatedly at his side, waiting, eager. Maintaining the acidic, livid glare, he snarled, "Say it then. Say exactly what you said to her to me."
Kade's eyes flickered behind Damian, to the dozens of teenagers who were watching the entire altercation unfold.
"Say it, you coward."
Those four words were low and barely-controlled, but they were heavy with animosity, making the expression on Kade's face shift to something like a grim smirk... as if he wanted to challenge him. The resentment the two held was nearly tangible, surrounding both young men in their own world of outrage that separated them from everyone who watched. A few seconds passed as Kade held Damian's glare, icy irises looking down on him.
"Nobody else will want you," he recited slowly through gritted teeth. He seemed to adopt more confidence as he went on, saying to Damian's face the same words that had hurt Jess. "You're exhausting, and if it wasn't for the fact that you make up for all that in bed, I probably wouldn't want you either... And I'd bet on my own life that's all Wayne wants—"
The crack between Damian's fist and Kade's nose was audible in the ever quiet room, eliciting a few gasps and murmurs from around them. Releasing the teen's shirt, Damian stepped back, shoulders heaving with the breaths he was struggling to take as he watched Kade bend over, a hand to his face. And just as he'd expected, the blond straightened up and launched himself at him, but there was nothing he would have been able to do to get one over the former assassin.
With two swift motions, Damian had him pressed against the wall again; this time, he had one hand on Kade's upper back and the other pulling his arm backwards by the wrist, a position that was nothing short of painful for the teen whose bloody face was shoved into his own wall.
How pathetic.
Leaning forward to ensure the bastard heard him, Damian threatened in a low growl, "If I ever see you so much as glance in her direction, I will not hesitate to make you wish I ended you right here in front of your peers. Understood?"
Kade was trying to look at him from his uncomfortable position, the blood continuing to spill around his mouth and to his chin. Voice slightly muffled by his face against the wall, he tried, "Fuck you, Wayne."
Damian pushed the teen's arm just an inch in one direction, the heel of his other hand digging into his back some more, causing him to cry out in pain. "I'm sorry. What was that? I don't speak 'weakling.'"
Face turning slightly red, Kade finally muttered breathlessly, "Understood."
Only mildly satisfied, Damian released him roughly before straightening up. Two teenagers that he'd sensed approaching both stared at him in bewilderment tainted with alarm; a simple, taunting onceover from him had them second-guessing their initial thoughts to step in as they turned instead to tend to their bleeding friend. It was almost laughable how the boys, built well for their age but not nearly as much as he was, seemed to immediately retreat and tuck their tails between their legs.
He was almost disappointed.
Damian turned on his heel, leaving the room as quickly as he'd entered it, avoiding the baffled gazes that followed him. But as soon as he was entering his car, he saw Kade running out the front door into the rain and stopping on his lawn, some of the partygoers following after him and spilling out of the large home.
"You're fucking psychotic, Wayne," he was shouting, the front of his shirt darkened with blood that he'd attempted to wipe away. Indignation (and more blood) written across his face, he added, "You two deserve each other!"
Jaw clenched, Damian ignored him and stepped on the gas pedal, speeding down the street and leaving a slight trail of smoke and the smell of burnt rubber in his wake.
She was waiting for him when he arrived home.
After less than an hour of driving around the city in hopes to calm down, he'd finally decided he should try taking out the rest of his built up anger out on a training dummy. That opportunity disappeared the moment he saw her sitting on the staircase, dressed in leggings and a t-shirt, her hair tied back in a disheveled ponytail.
Tired, hazel eyes were rimmed with smudged mascara and slightly puffy as they stared him down, making his heart clench uneasily. Neither of them said anything for a long while, the tension thick in the air.
He had expected her arrival, though, particularly after receiving multiple text messages from her, asking where he was, and then Alfred, notifying him that she'd come looking for him.
She looked exhausted, hurt. Her obvious distress made him want to do something to make her feel better, to take away some of her pain, however much he could.
"How long have you been waiting?" he decided to ask.
There was a shift in her eyes. "Where were you?"
Pocketing his keys and crossing his arms, Damian didn't answer. He knew she knew exactly where he'd been — there was no point in lying nor was there a reason he should even say it aloud. What would that do?
"Where were you?" she asked again, louder this time.
"Do you really want me to answer that?"
Her bottom lip trembling, Jess glared at him with a tear escaping from the corner of her eye. She wiped at it and stood from her seated position. "What made you think that was a good idea, Damian?"
He hurt you.
"Seriously. How did you think 'Oh, I'm going to crash his party and get into a fight with him in front of basically the entire school—'"
"It was hardly a fight—"
"You broke his nose." Jess's eyes were blazing as she stared him down, more tears spilling down her cheeks. Her voice was straining now, matching the shakiness of her chin.
Was she really defending that young man after all this time? Irritation seared through him despite how much he disliked seeing her cry. He'd given Kade only a fraction of what he truly deserved.
Trying to keep his voice even, he responded, "How are you so concerned about what I did when he treated you—"
"Because it was selfish!"
Her outburst seemed to startle them both. She could barely hold his green-eyed gaze as she sniffled and gestured with her hands towards him. "I waited for you at Misty's," she went on, her voice cracking. "When she told me she'd talked to you, I-I was hoping that meant you were coming. To me."
Pink was flushing her wet cheeks now, and her eyes were shiny with tears. The sight sent ache into Damian's bones, but he found himself speechless, unable to respond.
"Instead you... you..." Jess gave an uncontrollable sob, using her shirt to wipe away the tears. She was no longer looking at him, her gaze on the hardwood floor between them.
"I waited for you," she added in a defeated tone before going down the last few steps and brushing past him, towards the front door.
That seemed to undo the frozen spell on him as he turned to watch her. "Where are you going?"
She ignored him, hand reaching for the doorknob. Damian's hand shot out, fingers closing around her wrist. With a gentle tug, she was facing him, though her body language told him she was about to yank her arm back.
Don't.
Another pull and his arms were around her in a hug, the top of her head bumping against his jaw. It took a few seconds, but her small limbs wrapped around him, her body shaking with cries. He could hear and feel them against his chest, how she became wholly and completely undone in his arms.
As they stood there in the manor's foyer, Damian held her together as best as he could. She sobbed uncontrollably and without restraint, yet he was there to pick up her fragile pieces, grasping them as they fell. It was in that moment that the young man knew he could never let another person do to her what Kade had done, dimming the light in her eyes and causing pain that broke her heart. He would put her back together on his own if he had to, even if it meant cutting himself on the sharp edges and sharing her burdens.
He would do anything for her.
I will never let anyone hurt you like this again.
Note: wow, this is the longest chapter i've written yet! but i think i speak for all of us when i say FINALLY Kade gets what he deserves lol. it was a long time coming, i know xD
fun fact: i had the "fight" between Damian and Kade written for the longest time, since like Chapter 24 or something, not long after he was introduced. i just felt that i needed to build up to it appropriately and in a way that made sense — in other words, things had to go well for Jess for a while until Kade's behavior started changing and his true colors showed. we could say their tumultuous relationship was sort of an indirect result or metaphor for her getting into stardust. but as several of you have said in your reviews, he was definitely toxic, manipulative, and just the kind of person you wanted to punch right in the face. luckily, Damian fulfilled that desire for us now :D
but hey, now we rejoice and move onto other exciting things now! besides furthering Jess and Dami's relationship (and more fuzzy, fluffy stuff even better than his bday present to her :) ), i've got lots in store when it comes to Jason and the rest of the batfam (i'm looking forward to developing the interactions with him and Jess, actually. i feel like there's potential there...) on that note, I'm working on incorporating other ghosts from Damian's past, and that may or may not include Talia/Ra's ;)
thanks for all your love! it means a lot that you guys are into my wild ideas, become inspired, whatever cool thing it might be. so it's awesome you stick with me through this long, crazy ride *heart emoji* i really committed myself to this slow burn thing lol
