Chapter Thirty Four: Homeostasis
Note: That moment when you wrote this chapter as a stand alone prologue back on April 8th, 2019 because it took literally a year to start this series, and my fic Sorting was the precursor to this! I suppose I should throw that into a series list of some sort. Anyway, I'm going to just rewrite some parts of it since they don't quite line up with this story, and I can't overlook them. That's how massive plot holes happen. Feel free to check that one out if you'd like to see how this whole concept got started. It's still one of my most popular fics. Like 800 reads on a one chapter fic. Just omg wow!
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Two weeks later…
As the end of august drew closer and closer with each passing moment, so too did the changing of the trees and the atmosphere around the city. What little grass covered the bare areas of the county began to turn slightly yellow, losing its once vivid green hue, and replacing itself, with a soft shade of yellowish brown that resembled mature wheat or straw more than anything else. The last of the summer heat was dissipating and a cold chill bit at anyone foolish enough to go out without some sort of long sleeve to protect them from the unusually early seasonal transition. It was normal for things to fluctuate slightly from year to year, but for the weather to undergo such a drastic change compared to the year before? Madness. But at the end of the day, the environment was going to do as it pleased, and fall coming about three weeks early wasn't going to turn too many heads in a year where so many people genuinely thought that the world was about to end.
While opinion was divided as to whether or not celebrating Halloween was appropriate considering the sheer number of demonic attacks earlier that year, and the destruction of Redgrave City, no one seemed to make much of a fuss about the concept of decorating for the season. Stores and shops were already starting to hang autumn decorations, and seasonal treats were starting to hit shelves and shops alike. Despite the actual edibility of some of the offerings available, everyone had started to add pumpkin spice to everything because why not? The year had been literally hellish. At the end of the day, everyone needed something to look forward to, and at least the dreary weather that had refused to relent in the past month or so now had a valid reason to exist.
But while everyone else was adjusting to minute changes in the weather, and enjoying the colorful atmosphere, food, and decor that came with the rest of the season, V had additional matters to contend with. It had only been about five days since Magnolia had declared that V was finally in the proper condition to finally leave her watchful gaze, and for the first time in a very long time, V didn't feel perpetually exhausted. While he'd never truly been energetic, his improved wellbeing and the prospect of transferring himself and his meager belongings into a more permanent dwelling was actually somewhat enthralling to him.
Or at least that had been the case before V had actually attempted to do so.
Despite the fact that the young summoner owned practically nothing, his insistence that he be allowed to move the majority of his belongings by himself had been his downfall, cursing him to an extended period of breathlessness and a general feeling of discomfort. There was a part of this situation that made him wonder how he'd managed to become this awful at physical activity, but then he remembered that he had basically no experience with such matters and decided to just go back to trying to stand up.
And failing miserably at it.
"This is why I told you to just let me move the boxes for you." Nero said as he walked past, plopping down one of the final boxes next to the winded summoner. His humorous tone hid an understandable level of genuine concern as she caught sight of his out of breath sibling, berating himself for ever allowing V to carry all those boxes into the house by himself in the first place. Since Vergil wasn't there to be the voice of reason in this particular situation, and V was too distracted to think that clearly, Nero was going to have to do.
V shrugged in defeat, a pleasant smirk spread across his face as he sat on the floor of his new living room, sprawled out across the space where the couch had presumably once been, and completely in the way of any meaningful progress that Nero was trying to achieve. He'd been in that spot for the last ten minutes, and despite the fact that his breathing and heart rate had leveled out some time ago, he simply couldn't will himself to get up off of the floor. It was as though his limbs were glued down, and no amount of insistence from his cerebral cortex was going to change that fact. He'd simply lost the ability to get up and do anything, and part of him was okay with just staying there until Nero inevitably decided to just entomb him with his own boxes.
"And normally I would have allowed that, but it seems that a combination of overzealous mismanagement and hubristic foolishness have gotten the best of me." V said quietly, managing to lift a single leg and nothing else. Good, that was progress. Now if he could just make the second leg obey him, he might be able to actually do something." The fool who persists in his folly will become wise."
Nero glanced over at him and shook his head for a moment, tempted to just offer to help him up. But he knew better than to try that. V wasn't going to go for that at this particular juncture, and he knew it. The white haired demon slayer was simply too elated to care.
"And here I thought you'd finally stopped quoting that damn book, V." Nero said as he stacked two of the larger boxes, lamenting the sheer number of them. How much stuff had he managed to keep in that tiny guest room?" If these are all books I swear…"
It took a moment, but V finally managed to clamber to his feet, brushing off the small layer of dust that had accumulated on his clothing while he'd been sitting on the floor. The house needed a good dusting, and he'd spent much for the day before letting it air out and attempting to get a head start on the process of making it livable. There were no appliances in the kitchen, and he didn't really have any plans as to how he was going to work all of the expenses for furniture out just yet, but at least he wasn't drowning in bills like Dante and he actually owned a plate. Probably. He wasn't sure if he could find it just yet.
"To be honest, I'm somewhat surprised that you recognized that verse." An almost smug smirk spread across his face, a knowing look in his eyes as he faced Nero, folding his arms lightly around himself. There was a draft coming in from the open door, and the chilly weather wasn't helping any." But then again, I suppose you did read my book cover to cover, so it only makes sense."
For a moment, a slightly confused look crossed Nero's face as he attempted to remember the point in which he'd admitted that to V. In all honesty, he couldn't recall that conversation, but one thing was for sure: he remembered telling Vergil about two weeks prior. His brain stalled for a moment as he realized that his ability to poke fun at his older sibling was now compromised, and he had no high ground to speak of.
"... Vergil told you, didn't he?" Nero exhaled, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassed discomfort. It was more of a statement than it was a question, the younger of the two positive that he knew exactly how his older sibling had found out. It was an interesting revelation to be sure. Nero had assumed many things about his father, that much was certain. But he'd never taken him as the sort to gossip. Regardless, he found it as entertaining as he did embarrassing. Was V going to try to talk poetry with him now that he knew he had some level of comprehension towards the subject matter?
The longer haired devil hunter gave a brief nod, blinking slowly as he chuckled quietly to himself. If only Nero could see the face was making. Pure gold was an understatement. As far as V was concerned, this was probably the most embarrassed Nero had ever looked in front of him, and that was saying something considering the number of times Nico had absolutely destroyed him in front of his three young children.
His mind wandered for a moment as the thought of the little ones crossed his mind. They lived back on the island with his brother, Kyrie, and Nico, and now he resided in this place. But in a strange turn of events, for the first time in his life, he wondered how he would cope with that reality. V had been alone his entire life, only having himself to rely on when things took a turn for the worst. And while he still had Griffon and Shadow, he found himself wondering how the silence within his new dwelling would sit with him. He'd become so accustomed to the sound of children laughing, and the constant but friendly bickering between Nero, not to mention the commotion from the kitchen whenever someone (normally Kyrie) was cooking, or the absolute pleasure that was the chaotic dinners that he'd had the pleasure of participating in. The very concept of missing out on these events actually lowered his spirits a bit when he considered them, because despite the fact that he'd generally been a silent observer, simply partaking in the ambience of domestic bliss, he'd felt… safe there. Wanted.
For the first time in a long time, he wasn't sure what he thought about being alone.
When he'd made the decision to move away from everyone else, it had been an idea born of a desire to both acquire his own space, and to keep any possible danger that he might attract away from those he cared about. There was no guarantee that this cult was completely wiped out, and V knew that he would never forgive himself if he allowed those that he'd come to value to dearly become embroiled in whatever this mess was that he now found himself in. For once, he had something to lose. And he rather enjoy the view from afar and pine fruitlessly for times that had long since passed than be the catalyst that sent their happy world crashing down in a pillar of flames. Metaphorically, of course.
"You just told me. But yes, he did as well." V stepped past him, ignoring the flabbergasted look on Nero's face and heading back towards the van to check and see if there were any remaining boxes. The feeling of the cool air hitting him as he walked out onto the tree lined street helped ease the growing sensation of discontent that he felt in the pit of his stomach. It was like a knot that grew tighter in his throat and his abdomen all at once, not physically inhibiting him in any way, but making him uncomfortable nonetheless. How was it that his own insecurities and anxieties about things that had yet to pass always seemed to steal away what could otherwise be pleasant memories? V had a habitual habit of assuming the very worst, and rarely hoping for the best. After all, he couldn't be let down if his expectations were low. And yet, in moments like these, he wished for nothing more than to be the type of person who could quietly sweep his worries under the rug and drop his inhibitions, simply reveling in the beauty and wonder of the world he lived in.
He could count the number of times he'd had reason to feel that way on one hand, not a single thing standing out in his life for positive reasons. And yet, there was a part of him that just wanted him to feel as though he'd accomplished something by making it this far, but cutting himself a break seemed to be out of his realm of ability.
"In seed time learn, in harvest teach, in winter enjoy." V spoke quietly under his breath, his words barely a whisper in the crisp late summer air. He was not aware of the fact that Nero was standing behind him, taking in the change in mood between them.
The younger of the two could tell that something in V's demeanor had changed in the last few minutes, and he had some idea as to what might be on his mind. From the moment that V had announced his intentions to move out, everyone had been excited for him. But as the actual day that he had chosen to move out approached, the house seemed to grow ever more silent. There was a certain stillness between everyone as they considered what it would be like to walk past his room and know what he wasn't there. Everyone had grown so accustomed to their little arrangement, and had come to enjoy the company of everyone else present. Even though he'd been given an opportunity to experience something uniquely wonderful, none of them could shake the sadness that came with his departure, V included. And although none of them spoke of this, they all felt it deep down.
Even though everyone knew that he was a ferry ride and a short drive away, it felt like an ocean had sprang up between them. And distance between them was like an impassable wall and, as crazy as it might have seemed, V couldn't help but feel like he was being selfish for doing something that he hoped would bring them all more safety and security in the long run. Perhaps it was worse having had something and then lost it than it was to live without it. V couldn't say yet. But one thing he could say was that he hoped he could find some way to preserve that feeling of closeness he felt with the rest of his friends and family, even with an ocean between them. Dante's office and Magnolia's shop were close by, not more than a half hour in either direction unless traffic was taken into account. And in an ironic twist of fate, V was not too far from what remained of Redgrave City, his new dwelling closer to it than any of the other residences. This provided him with an interesting possible venture in the future, but he wasn't entirely sure what he would do if he went there. Visit all the locations he'd nearly been killed in? Go and try to locate more books? Did he even have more books? There had to be about fifteen large boxes stacked on the floor in the living room, and the large majority of them were filled with books, most of which he hadn't taken the time to read.
Maybe that was a good place to start.
During his momentary lapse of focus, Nero had nabbed the final box and closed the van door, finally drawing V's attention. They shared a quiet glance at one another for a moment before V simply opted to follow Nero into the house. He took a moment to close the front door behind them and then went up the stairs in the front entrance, feeling the need to find a quiet place to collect his thoughts for a moment. Through no sentient intent of his own, he eventually made it to the second story balcony. V leaned against the second story balcony, closing his eyes for a moment as he considered his next steps and simply took in the cool air. It was a beautiful day, and the weather was perfect. Perhaps he should simply breath and allow himself to just enjoy himself for a moment. Was that truly so difficult for him?
Shortly after his arrival, Nero peaked his head around the corner. He'd noticed that V had disappeared, and had a feeling that he'd gone to some other part of the house. His first guess would have been the backyard, but the second story overlook made just as much sense. One way or another, he was outside.
"I hope it's not too unlike me to say thank you… for everything. I…" He trailed off for a moment, aware that Nero was there, but unable to find the proper words to express what he was feeling at that moment. He couldn't even make himself look at Nero as the younger devil hunter approached him, standing at his side in an attempt to see the world as he saw it at that moment. It was a beautiful view." … Would it be possible for you to thank Kyrie for me? I truly do appreciate… both of you."
A slight tightness gripped Nero's chest as he took in the sadness in V's voice. He understood what the problem was now. The idea of V being homesick when he'd barely even left yet was as heartbreaking as it was sweet, and he couldn't help but feel a similar way about the prospect of him leaving. No, the fact that he was leaving. They'd already brought the last box in. But that didn't have to be the end of it.
"You know that you can just tell her yourself, right? Because when you come over for dinner; and you don't have a choice but to come over sometime, you can just tell her then." Nero carefully raised his hand and placed it on V's shoulder, somewhat surprised but relieved when the older descendant of Sparda didn't pull away or give him a funny look. "I could tell her, but it wouldn't be the same. She's always going to have a spot for you if you decide to drop in, ya know?"
Something that Nero wasn't accustomed to seeing happened in that moment. Something rare and genuine. What was meant to be a soft smirk became an actual smile, lingering longer than V probably initially intended, and spreading to the rest of his face in a way that none of his clever smirks ever had. There was a certain light that he'd never seen in his eyes before; a glimmer of something foreign to the younger man that he'd never thought was possible. The bittersweet happiness in his face was genuinely touching, and Nero couldn't think of a moment when he'd ever seen V share so much emotion with such a small gesture. And internally, Nero was happy that he'd played some part in causing him to react in such a way. He knew that he'd never truly understand what it took for V to open up to someone and be vulnerable around them, but that didn't mean that he didn't know that it took an awful lot for him to do so.
"I suppose the children will need someone to read them to sleep as well. What will they do without me?" There was a certain tone to V's voice when he spoke those words that resonated with Nero, the younger of the two considering for a moment if he could actually get away with what he was thinking of doing. After all, the only other person he'd ever seen attempt to do so was Carlo, and V had nearly died of shock when he'd done so. But then again, there was only one way to actually find out.
"You know, you don't make any sense half of the time. But that's okay because I know I probably don't either, and I'm okay with that." Nero stared at V intently, slightly distracted by all the different thoughts that were colliding within his wayward mind. Much like V, he wasn't entirely sure how to articulate what he was trying to put into words." Maybe I'm just glad you still put up with my bullshit, V."
Once again, it was V's turn to look at Nero funny, although this time he was slightly concerned that his younger brother had come down with some kind of illness. "Likewise. But you need not worry. You've done nothing that I needed to tolerate in the first place." He turned his body in the same direction as Nero's, intent on facing him, but his eyes traveled downward slightly, never meeting his gaze. At the end of the day, V was still awful at eye contact. Some things never changed."... You never gave up on me. I'm aware of the fact that I can be… difficult. But you've persevered regardless. I think what I'm trying to say is… Thank you, Nero."
Any further consideration that Nero had been giving towards whether or not his idea was a good idea totally went out of the window in that moment when he saw the genuinely touched look on V's face. It was a fleeting thing, but the young devil hunter was almost positive that there had never been a better time to try and illustrate to V that he actually did care. Truly he did. Nero knew what it was like to feel alone and unwanted. Before he'd met Kyrie and her family, he'd been adrift in a sea of unfriendly faces and bad intentions. She'd been the anchor that grounded him in that storm. But V had never had than until recently, and the idea that he's spent around twice as long suffering that kind of fate, and still managed to turn out as well as he had was simply soul crushing to Nero. Astounding and a testament to their shared willpower in the face of adversity, but soul crushing nonetheless.
Throwing caution to the wind, Nero did something that he was almost certain he'd regret later and cautiously stepped forward, carefully throwing his arms around V and pulling him into a tight hug. He wasn't trying to harm him in any way, shape, or form, and he hoped that V wouldn't recoil in sheer confused terror, but that wasn't going to stop him this time. There had been some many times that he'd considered doing so and chosen not to out of the fear that he'd upset him in some way. But this time he was done with that. Just this once, he needed V to truly understand that he did in fact care. As touch starved as V was, he hoped it would have a positive effect on him.
Hell, maybe something as simple as a hug could have gone a long way between their uncle and father. Nero was confident that they'd probably never hugged on another in their entire lives, and he didn't want to keep that tradition going. There was so much long standing suffering in their family, and he desperately wanted to do something about that, but he had no idea how. All he could do was hope that he hadn't given V a brain aneurysm for the confusion he was probably feeling at that moment in time.
V wasn't entirely sure at first how to process what was happening to him. He obviously knew and understood what a hug was, but aside from the one he'd received from Carlo about a month ago, V had never actually experienced such a thing for himself, at least not that he could remember. Perhaps when he had been little, someone had seen fit to show him such a basic level of compassion, but somehow he doubted it. The people at that dreaded place that he'd been forced to call home had never cared about him, of that he was certain. And despite that, he'd persevered. The best revenge in that case had been to do the very thing they didn't want him to succeed in doing: to live his life and never give them what they wanted most. He refused to simply surrender to the crushing loneliness that he'd once felt and give them that kind of satisfaction. To live and be loved by others was his ultimate insult to the legacy of pain they'd forced him to endure, and although he knew that, he didn't honestly care. In that particular moment, nothing else really mattered to him but forcing his brain to process what was going on and to respond accordingly.
It took V a little longer than was comfortable with to register that he'd been holding his breath. In one simultaneous moment, he closed his eyes, exhaled, and returned the gesture. Although somewhat clumsy, his intentions had been pure. And despite the fact that neither of them were looking at one another, they both knew that.
Much to Nero's simultaneous surprise and relief, V hadn't recoiled in horror and stepped away like he'd assumed he would. In that moment, the demon hunter was more glad than ever that he'd gone with his gut and done what he thought was right. And he was even more glad that Vergil and Dante were out of town at the moment "wrapping up some loose ends" so that they couldn't find some creative way to ruin this touching moment between them.
After a moment, they let one another go, and Nero took a step back, reaching behind the still open doors for something. V watched him, a strange rush of emotions overtaking him as he realized that he had no idea how to react or what to do now that it was over. What a strange thing it was, not knowing how to achieve homeostasis after something as basic as a hug. He really was a mess, wasn't he?
Before he could say or do anything, his shock and bewilderment intensified and Nero stepped back towards him and extended his hand to give him something that he'd long since written of as a lost cause. He extended his hand slightly, his fingers brushing almost hesitantly across the surface of the cane he'd genuinely thought that he'd lost forever, trying his hardest to quantify what the revelation that Nero had returned it to him meant to him.
Nero cleared his throat, somewhat worried that he'd broken the entire logical center of V's brain. Maybe he should have wanted a bit longer to reveal the fact that they'd found the cane to him? No, he didn't want to worry about him going back and forth up and down the stairs while he was back in Fortuna. This was the best housewarming present he could think of because he knew that it had been significant to V. And now he had it back. This had been the right thing to do.
"Nico said she made some sort of modification to it and that she'd explain the next time she saw you. We found it the day we brought back all of those books." Nero used his free hand to pinch the bridge of his nose, shrugging in discomfort. He was clearly somewhat flustered. Why was this so difficult?" We thought it might be the time to give it back to you after that cult almost killed you. Can't have you falling down the stairs in your own house, V. I won't be here to catch you. But you can always just call, ya know?"
V gave an absent minded nod, turning the cane around in his grasp as the dim evening light. Yes, there was something different about the cane, but he couldn't place what it was. Had it been lighter before? Regardless, he was just happy to have it back, and the fact that they'd found it and made sure it was returned to him was strangely relieving. Maybe there was just a certain sense of security that came with having it back in his possession. It was difficult to say.
"Thank you. Truly. This is… I don't know what to say." V gave Nero a thoughtful look as he glanced in the direction of the door that led inside of the house. He suddenly felt the desire to go and sit down. The last few minutes had been unreasonably taxing, and moving into a new house was a marathon, not a sprint. He gestured for Nero to follow him, the younger man obliging him wordlessly." Care to join me?"
Nero shrugged. "Fine by me. What are we doing?"
V stopped for a moment, not entirely sure himself. "Honestly, nothing. I just want to go inside."
The younger of the two shook his head and let out a small sound somewhere between a chuckle and a laugh. V could be so hard to understand at times. There was never a dull moment between them, was there? "Sounds good to me. I'm right behind you."
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Well, this chapter turned out to be way more wholesome than I'd anticipated! I've been waiting to redo this scene for literally a year XD check out the original fic Sorting for a comparison. I literally might just fuck around and build V's house in the sims just because I feel like it LOL! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I had a blast writing it all night when I should have been sleeping. Take care and I'll see you all on Friday. Hopefully today goes well since I'm going back to work right after this goes up! Wish me luck everyone!
Additional Note: I won't spoil anything, but the ex taunt and end cutscenes for SE literally made me laugh to death. I'm dead now, but hell has pretty good wifi. Thank you.
