A TRICK OF THE LIGHT
Chapter Thirty Four
"I must choose between despair and Energy – I choose the latter."
(John Keats)
-x0x-
Merlin was buzzing. Gaius had told him to stay in bed but he simply could not do it. The very idea made him laugh out loud. Stay in bed, when Camelot's future was at stake? Stay in bed for the biggest storm that anyone had ever seen? Not likely. Not if he could help it. Merlin tried not to think about how very like Gwaine he was behaving, and how much trouble he would be in when Gaius found out that he was gone. Instead, he pushed his empty bowl aside and leapt to his feet with gusto. Clicking his fingers absently, he searched for some clean clothes. In the end, he had to settle for a somewhat-less-than-dirty shirt, a pair of badly mended trousers and a pair of boots dried hastily by magical means. It was hard to get dressed. His body was fidgeting strangely. He had only just finished when Guinevere knocked on the door and poked her head around to smile at him.
"Come in, Gwen," he cried out cheerfully. "Sight for sore eyes. You, a sight. Not a fright; not at all. Glad to see you. I've missed you." A lump filled his throat, unexpected and painful. "Sorry I forgot to say 'goodbye'. I'll say 'hello' instead. Hello!"
She opened her mouth and closed it again, clearly taken aback by his manner.
"Did I steal all the words?" Merlin felt penitent. "Can't seem to stop talking." Glancing back at the bowl, he furrowed his brow. "Think Gaius might have slipped me something. Too much of something. 'S fun, but scary. Stop me," he added, pleading with his eyes.
"I'm not sure that I can," she said doubtfully. "If I told you to go back to bed, would it work?"
"Not at all. Not a bit of it. Not a chance. No."
"Well, that seems pretty definite." Gwen's tone was wry. "So, where are you going?"
That stumped him for a moment. He knew exactly what he had to do, but not quite how to do it. "Pest," he said at last.
Gwen looked offended. "I can leave if you don't want me here."
"Oh – no! I didn't mean you. It's Gwaine's little friend, the wisp. I need to find him… her. It."
"Gwaine," she echoed darkly. "Not my favourite person at the moment."
"Not you too." Merlin sighed. "I think Gaius has gone off to give him a piece of his mind. Don't tell me you're planning to do the same."
"Well, I want to." She folded her arms. "Any reason why I shouldn't, Merlin?"
So many thoughts were swarming in his brain that it was hard to catch the right words and gather them into sentences. Even in this frantic state, however, Merlin knew what Gwen was really asking him. And he knew; he knew that he owed her an answer but there was no time.
"Here's the thing," he said urgently. "If you want to be mad at Gwaine, then you have to be mad at me too."
Gwen was unconvinced. "I could never be mad at you, Merlin. You don't have a selfish bone in your body."
"Not true, but thank you." Merlin blushed. It was one of the nicest things that anyone had ever said to him. "Here's my point. Gwaine rode into the storm because he wanted to help Sir Leon and the others. I did exactly the same for him – and I'm the one who dragged Arthur along for the ride." He drummed his palms against his chest. Hoof beats, galloping; thumpety-thump.
"I very much doubt that's how it happened…" Gwen's lips were beginning to curl into a smile. "Go on."
Easy to say. Not so easy to do. "I can't defend every decision they make. But Gwen, they're my friends and I do understand them. I know you do, too." He glanced at her sideways. "Would you want them to be any different? Really?"
She pretended to consider. "We…ell. There are a couple of things I would change about Arthur. Don't you agree?"
Merlin sighed. "I'm not good at explaining. Sorry. Gwen, I'm sorry."
Gwen reached out and placed a comforting hand on his arm. "Merlin, I was joking. And you're better than you think." She paused. "Tell me this. Do I need to worry?"
The question hung between them, out in the open at last. And the answer was simple, he discovered.
"Arthur is with Percival. And they are both completely safe. When the storm has passed, I'll take you to him."
"Then you've made your point. I'll think about forgiving Gwaine – and you." Gwen's smile took the sting from her words, and Merlin knew that she was still teasing him.
"Thank you, milady," he said with a bow and a playful grin of his own. The bond of friendship between them was strong enough to weather any disagreement. "Do I have your permission to leave now?"
"Of course. Just… don't leave the citadel this time, will you, Merlin? Promise me?"
It felt like a perfectly reasonable request. "I promise," he said fervently.
-x0x-
Gaius did not stay with Gwaine and the jester for long. There was much for him to do, with so many refugees seeking shelter within the old stone walls. He couldn't resist giving one last piece of advice, however, as he lingered in the doorway. "Stay put," he warned the knight, wagging a gnarled finger. "I won't ask for your word - I'm not foolish - but I'd like to think you understand by now. I'm telling you for Your Own Good, Gwaine; something you care too little about, it seems."
"What – leave this lovely room of mine, with all its comforts? Perish the thought." Gwaine picked up the jug of ale and cradled it in his arms.
"Perish the knight if you do, I have no doubt," Gaius muttered, turning his back on them both and stalking away down the corridor.
Robin chuckled. "I admire a man who wields his humour thus."
"What – Gaius? That wasn't humour. That was a threat. You're a witness," Gwaine said plaintively.
"Are you afraid?" the jester asked him, feigning gravity.
"Believe me, I should be. But you said you needed my help. And I don't suppose we two can save the city from my chamber. Far too comfortable and easy. Am I right?" Gwaine flopped back onto his bed and tipped the remaining contents of the jug down his throat in a gathering stream. Then he wiped his hand across his mouth. "Oh, sorry," he grinned. "Did you want some?"
"Not I. Is your strength sufficient now?"
"You know it is." Gwaine eyed him shrewdly. "Strength enough for 'the task at hand', you said. I'm ignoring the part where you told me how hard I'm likely to fall when we're done. I don't want to think about that, thank you very much. Just warn me when it's about to happen and I'll have my pillow ready."
"Your wisdom does you credit," Robin offered, sitting down beside him. Retrieving the empty jug, he set it on the nightstand.
"Doubtful. I do have one more question, though." Which was not strictly true, for Gwaine had many, but he knew how cagey Robin could be and there was no time left for complicated verbal sparring. Even now, thick snow was battering his windowpane and the relentless wind was searching for cracks in the outer wall. This storm was invasive and cruel. It could not be permitted to destroy their sanctuary; not with so many folk trusting in the citadel to keep them safe.
"Ask, and I shall endeavour to reply."
"No riddles?"
"Ah. Now you have me, Sir Gwaine, for that I cannot promise."
Gwaine nodded. "Fair enough. It's your nature, I suppose. As for me, I like clarity. So tell me, Robin. What is your plan – this mysterious 'task' - and what can a poor knight possibly do if a mighty sorcerer like you is unable to act?"
Robin made a steeple of his fingers, then curled them together and rested his chin upon them, looking thoughtful as he considered his reply. "I did not say I could not act. I said I could not do what you expected of me. Sadly, I cannot unmake this storm or steal away its might. It is a force of nature, woven through the very fabric of the world, and thus it is immutable. My plan, as you call it, pits one such force against another, yet the strength of will required is not my own. Camelot must save itself. 'How?' you ask, and 'why?'. That must be seen to be understood. Until then, I ask you to trust me, and do as I say."
"I do trust you, Robin," Gwaine said, surprising himself with his certainty. Rising to his feet, he wobbled slightly (due to the ale, no doubt) and then took a couple of deep breaths to settle his jittery heartbeat. "What happens now?"
"You must follow me," Robin told him solemnly. "From the moment I leave this room.
Be invisible
like thought
and unheard
like a whisper.
Behind me
like a shadow
and beyond me
like my dreams.
Whatever you see – whatever I do – you must keep me in sight but stay hidden nonetheless. Whatever you see, Sir Knight. Can you swear on your life to do this?"
"On my life?" Gwaine shook his head. "No I can't." Robin drew back in dismay, but the knight's eyes were gleaming. "You misunderstand me. I am far too careless with it, just as Gaius said, which makes it a pitiful stake for an oath such as this. On my honour, Robin. On my honour, I will do exactly as you say."
-x0x-
A/N: I'm back! And it's time to finish this story. I don't want to leave it hanging any longer. I'm sorry for the delay and grateful for your patience!
