p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 15pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Arthur couldn't get enough air into his lungs for the life of him. With every step his horse took, another doubt rattled in his skull. Camelot was eons away, and Merlin's nervous form suddenly felt foriegn. It seemed like a great earthquake had slammed through his world, leaving it smashed and shifted, turned upside down. But also, everything now made sense.../span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'Of course.'/spanspan style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" Arthur's mind screamed at him, /spanspan style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'Of course!'/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"He spiraled helplessly, the years and years of suppressed knowledge and suspicion all bubbling to the surface./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'I let it happen. I should have known. How could I be so blind? Of course, Merlin betrayed me! He lied to me. It was all a lie -everything- and I - I knew Merlin was lying to me all this time - and I didn't even care. I ignored all of the signs because I just wanted so bad for it not to be true. Merlin's a sorcerer.'/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'Warlock,/spanspan style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"' Arthur corrected himself. That's what Merlin called himself when he'd tried to explain everything on the ride home./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'He's had magic this entire time. He acted as though he were an idiot but made me out to be a fool. He pretended that he was weak. Then he killed that creature with his mind. His hands blazed with fire, yet he felt no pain. I am weak. I should have known better. All this time...' And that wasn't Merlin's only lie was it?/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'Uther. For years I sought nothing but his approval. Even after everything that he did to me - No, don't think about that! -I didn't understand what I was doing wrong. Why was he so angry with me? Why did he expect so much from me? But I did as he said anyway…. A part of me felt it was what I owed him for taking Ygraine away.'/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"But then Arthur remembered Morgause and Ygraine's apparition. The tight web of lies began to unravel the more Arthur pulled at them./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'Uther killed my mother, didn't he? Merlin lied about that, too! He looked me in the face and told me Morgause had lied. But she hadn't because now it all fit!' If it were possible, that lie cut deeper than Merlin's magic.'/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"br /spanspan style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'I was right... Uther was a hypocrite and a liar! Blinded by his guilt and hatred, my father murdered hundreds. He blamed everyone but himself. Blamed magic. Blamed me. Magic wasn't evil. Uther had been selfish. He'd wanted an heir, and when he couldn't get one from Ygraine, he'd resorted to magic and infidelity. Be damned the consequences. And now, am I everything he had hoped for? No. I never was. I'd thought Uther was right when day after day, year after year, the only magic I saw was in the hands of my attackers. It was always a threat to me. Everyone with magic wanted me dead. And can I blame them? Was I worth all of the bloodshed and loss and violence my birth started? Uther hunted them like animals. He was a hypocrite and a liar. It was genocide. It was all for nothing. And it's my fault.'/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'Then Morgana. Father had always loved her so much more than me, and I never understood why. She rebelled against him constantly. In the end, she was his flesh and blood, too. Why, when he had her, did he make me? She could have been a great queen. She was daring, passionate, and kind. And then she changed. It wasn't her fault, she had to hide, and she had to suffer alone. She suffocated in the tyrannical grasp of our father till she snapped. She was right about everything! And I can't even blame her for not trusting me. It was my fault. I was so stupid. So ignorant. And if I had been in her place, I wouldn't have trusted me either. But I loved her. I just want my sister back. I just want to apologise. But I can't. And even then, I don't deserve her forgiveness. She would have been incredible if she had just been given the chance. She could have been good. And it's my fault.'/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'And then Gaius. Of course, he knew Merlin had magic. Gaius himself had been the Court Sorcerer before the Purge. I never actually believed him when he said Merlin had gone to the tavern. The man had stitched my wounds, mended my broken bones, and calmed my fevers my entire life. He'd even given me the 'illegitimate children talk'. That was a tad unnecessary. And incredibly embarrassing. But he never complained about being woken to help me in the night. He cared for me when Uther had gotten violent after too much to drink - don't think about that.- After barely defeated assassins had tried to kill me in my sleep. Or even when I'd had too much wine as a boy and needed someone to watch me, so I didn't do something stupid. And he'd never said a word about it to anyone. I should have known my secrets were not the only ones he kept. But Gaius knows me better than almost anyone. If he thought I was untrustworthy, then he must be right. It's my fault.'/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'Gwen... I thought she could love me. She had looked at me so kindly and touched me so gently. She was strong and brave and cunning. What she ever saw in me, I can't imagine. I used to be so sure. Princesses and ladies threw themselves at me like wolves at prey. I didn't see it that way then, of course. I saw it as fawning and flirting. But now I see the hungry glint in their eyes and their dreams of being queen. And I realised it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with 'Prince Arthur'. It was a scheme and an act, and I couldn't pretend not to notice it anymore. I thought Gwen was different. She'd always been respectful to me, as was expected of her station, but never showered me with false flattery and lingering hands. I thought she could see me. But I wasn't what she wanted. Lancelot was everything I was and more, and I had always known that she loved him. She was unfaithful to me. She betrayed me for him. I tried to ignore it. She cannot help who she loves. I should have known better. And in the end, I could not love her in that manner either. My heart belongs to someone else, too. Someone I can not have. It's my fault.'/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'Lancelot had betrayed me once before. He posed as a nobleman to become a knight. (I easily forgave him for that. Without him, I would never have felt considered abolishing the First Rule). And then his affair with Gwen. It had hurt. Lancelot had been one of the few people I believed I could trust. But it was unavoidable. He only wanted to be with the one he loves. How can I fault him for that?'/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'Others have betrayed me before. Deceived me. Boys I thought were my friends before overhearing them gossip and insult me. Council and nobles that tried to sway me for their political gain. Guards meant to protect me surrounding me or locking me in the dungeons. Servants sneaking into the kitchen to poison my food.'/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'But Merlin's betrayal hurt the most. I was so fucking stupid. I was a joke. And I don't even have the energy to feel condescended to. Because it's not even Merlin's fault. I am the son of his greatest enemy. What choice did he have? Trust me? When have I ever proved myself worthy of Merlin's trust? When I called him an idiot? Useless? Lazy, fool, buffoon, weakling, fool, coward? The irony. Or how about when I slaughtered the druids? When I murdered innocent children, women, and men? When I watched hundreds burn to death in the courtyard and did nothing to stop it? When I confessed to him my fear and hatred of magic? And the entire time, he had me completely unaware./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'He told me I felled the monsters and escaped the captors and killed the sorcerers. That I must have 'bumped my head' or 'fainted'. That he was looking for woodworm, at the tavern, herb picking for Gaius, stealing dresses and sausages, freeing prisoners, just happening to find a divine sword trapped in stone. And I believed him, and I played dumb because I prayed every day that Merlin was different, and this time it would be different, and he wouldn't...but he did. And it's my fault.'/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'The bruises, the limps, the wincing, the ridiculous excuses. I had thought he was being bullied or abused. I'd suspected perhaps a noble or a guard or a knight. I tried asking him, and when met with lies or jokes, I had gone looking for possible culprits. I had found some men raping the servant girls, stewards withholding pay, and other nefarious nobles abusing the staff. I'd been overwhelmed, something triggering a mad sort of rage in me, and I ruthlessly dealt with every one of them. Stripping them of their titles and lands, jailing them, and for one particularly violent case, who'd been guilty of murder, had them executed.'/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'I'd even discovered that one of the cooks, Llyla, was abused by her husband. I quickly arranged for him to transfer to the household of a visiting lord. And for her to stay in Camelot. It was the most I could do discreetly. Somehow, it seemed like she knew I'd done it, though. Something about the way she smiled at me.'/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'But despite all of my investigations, I hadn't found anything really involving Merlin. And I hadn't told a soul about any of it either. I worried Merlin would only try to hide it more if he knew I was looking.'/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""I was dying!"/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""You don't know half the things I do for you, Arthur."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""I've saved your arse more times than I could count!"/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""I thought we were friends?"/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'What a friend I am…'/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'I could blame them. I could get angry and hurt them back. But that would just prove them all right. And after all, they were all good people once. They still are, except my father, who had gone mad long before Morgana left. I am the problem. There's no other explanation.'/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'It's my fault.'/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'Enough of this. I have to control myself. If it wasn't good enough as just Arthur, then I won't be. Now I have to be the king.'/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"King Pendragon./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;" /p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 15pt;" /p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'Of course.'/spanspan style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" Arthur's mind screamed at him, /spanspan style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'Of course!'/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"He spiraled helplessly, the years and years of suppressed knowledge and suspicion all bubbling to the surface./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'I let it happen. I should have known. How could I be so blind? Of course, Merlin betrayed me! He lied to me. It was all a lie -everything- and I - I knew Merlin was lying to me all this time - and I didn't even care. I ignored all of the signs because I just wanted so bad for it not to be true. Merlin's a sorcerer.'/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'Warlock,/spanspan style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"' Arthur corrected himself. That's what Merlin called himself when he'd tried to explain everything on the ride home./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'He's had magic this entire time. He acted as though he were an idiot but made me out to be a fool. He pretended that he was weak. Then he killed that creature with his mind. His hands blazed with fire, yet he felt no pain. I am weak. I should have known better. All this time...' And that wasn't Merlin's only lie was it?/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'Uther. For years I sought nothing but his approval. Even after everything that he did to me - No, don't think about that! -I didn't understand what I was doing wrong. Why was he so angry with me? Why did he expect so much from me? But I did as he said anyway…. A part of me felt it was what I owed him for taking Ygraine away.'/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"But then Arthur remembered Morgause and Ygraine's apparition. The tight web of lies began to unravel the more Arthur pulled at them./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'Uther killed my mother, didn't he? Merlin lied about that, too! He looked me in the face and told me Morgause had lied. But she hadn't because now it all fit!' If it were possible, that lie cut deeper than Merlin's magic.'/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"br /spanspan style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'I was right... Uther was a hypocrite and a liar! Blinded by his guilt and hatred, my father murdered hundreds. He blamed everyone but himself. Blamed magic. Blamed me. Magic wasn't evil. Uther had been selfish. He'd wanted an heir, and when he couldn't get one from Ygraine, he'd resorted to magic and infidelity. Be damned the consequences. And now, am I everything he had hoped for? No. I never was. I'd thought Uther was right when day after day, year after year, the only magic I saw was in the hands of my attackers. It was always a threat to me. Everyone with magic wanted me dead. And can I blame them? Was I worth all of the bloodshed and loss and violence my birth started? Uther hunted them like animals. He was a hypocrite and a liar. It was genocide. It was all for nothing. And it's my fault.'/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'Then Morgana. Father had always loved her so much more than me, and I never understood why. She rebelled against him constantly. In the end, she was his flesh and blood, too. Why, when he had her, did he make me? She could have been a great queen. She was daring, passionate, and kind. And then she changed. It wasn't her fault, she had to hide, and she had to suffer alone. She suffocated in the tyrannical grasp of our father till she snapped. She was right about everything! And I can't even blame her for not trusting me. It was my fault. I was so stupid. So ignorant. And if I had been in her place, I wouldn't have trusted me either. But I loved her. I just want my sister back. I just want to apologise. But I can't. And even then, I don't deserve her forgiveness. She would have been incredible if she had just been given the chance. She could have been good. And it's my fault.'/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'And then Gaius. Of course, he knew Merlin had magic. Gaius himself had been the Court Sorcerer before the Purge. I never actually believed him when he said Merlin had gone to the tavern. The man had stitched my wounds, mended my broken bones, and calmed my fevers my entire life. He'd even given me the 'illegitimate children talk'. That was a tad unnecessary. And incredibly embarrassing. But he never complained about being woken to help me in the night. He cared for me when Uther had gotten violent after too much to drink - don't think about that.- After barely defeated assassins had tried to kill me in my sleep. Or even when I'd had too much wine as a boy and needed someone to watch me, so I didn't do something stupid. And he'd never said a word about it to anyone. I should have known my secrets were not the only ones he kept. But Gaius knows me better than almost anyone. If he thought I was untrustworthy, then he must be right. It's my fault.'/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'Gwen... I thought she could love me. She had looked at me so kindly and touched me so gently. She was strong and brave and cunning. What she ever saw in me, I can't imagine. I used to be so sure. Princesses and ladies threw themselves at me like wolves at prey. I didn't see it that way then, of course. I saw it as fawning and flirting. But now I see the hungry glint in their eyes and their dreams of being queen. And I realised it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with 'Prince Arthur'. It was a scheme and an act, and I couldn't pretend not to notice it anymore. I thought Gwen was different. She'd always been respectful to me, as was expected of her station, but never showered me with false flattery and lingering hands. I thought she could see me. But I wasn't what she wanted. Lancelot was everything I was and more, and I had always known that she loved him. She was unfaithful to me. She betrayed me for him. I tried to ignore it. She cannot help who she loves. I should have known better. And in the end, I could not love her in that manner either. My heart belongs to someone else, too. Someone I can not have. It's my fault.'/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'Lancelot had betrayed me once before. He posed as a nobleman to become a knight. (I easily forgave him for that. Without him, I would never have felt considered abolishing the First Rule). And then his affair with Gwen. It had hurt. Lancelot had been one of the few people I believed I could trust. But it was unavoidable. He only wanted to be with the one he loves. How can I fault him for that?'/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'Others have betrayed me before. Deceived me. Boys I thought were my friends before overhearing them gossip and insult me. Council and nobles that tried to sway me for their political gain. Guards meant to protect me surrounding me or locking me in the dungeons. Servants sneaking into the kitchen to poison my food.'/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'But Merlin's betrayal hurt the most. I was so fucking stupid. I was a joke. And I don't even have the energy to feel condescended to. Because it's not even Merlin's fault. I am the son of his greatest enemy. What choice did he have? Trust me? When have I ever proved myself worthy of Merlin's trust? When I called him an idiot? Useless? Lazy, fool, buffoon, weakling, fool, coward? The irony. Or how about when I slaughtered the druids? When I murdered innocent children, women, and men? When I watched hundreds burn to death in the courtyard and did nothing to stop it? When I confessed to him my fear and hatred of magic? And the entire time, he had me completely unaware./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'He told me I felled the monsters and escaped the captors and killed the sorcerers. That I must have 'bumped my head' or 'fainted'. That he was looking for woodworm, at the tavern, herb picking for Gaius, stealing dresses and sausages, freeing prisoners, just happening to find a divine sword trapped in stone. And I believed him, and I played dumb because I prayed every day that Merlin was different, and this time it would be different, and he wouldn't...but he did. And it's my fault.'/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'The bruises, the limps, the wincing, the ridiculous excuses. I had thought he was being bullied or abused. I'd suspected perhaps a noble or a guard or a knight. I tried asking him, and when met with lies or jokes, I had gone looking for possible culprits. I had found some men raping the servant girls, stewards withholding pay, and other nefarious nobles abusing the staff. I'd been overwhelmed, something triggering a mad sort of rage in me, and I ruthlessly dealt with every one of them. Stripping them of their titles and lands, jailing them, and for one particularly violent case, who'd been guilty of murder, had them executed.'/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'I'd even discovered that one of the cooks, Llyla, was abused by her husband. I quickly arranged for him to transfer to the household of a visiting lord. And for her to stay in Camelot. It was the most I could do discreetly. Somehow, it seemed like she knew I'd done it, though. Something about the way she smiled at me.'/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'But despite all of my investigations, I hadn't found anything really involving Merlin. And I hadn't told a soul about any of it either. I worried Merlin would only try to hide it more if he knew I was looking.'/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""I was dying!"/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""You don't know half the things I do for you, Arthur."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""I've saved your arse more times than I could count!"/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""I thought we were friends?"/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'What a friend I am…'/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'I could blame them. I could get angry and hurt them back. But that would just prove them all right. And after all, they were all good people once. They still are, except my father, who had gone mad long before Morgana left. I am the problem. There's no other explanation.'/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'It's my fault.'/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'Enough of this. I have to control myself. If it wasn't good enough as just Arthur, then I won't be. Now I have to be the king.'/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 15pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Verdana; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"King Pendragon./span/p
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