There was something pressing into her back. Lizzy could feel it.
It was pressing into her, right below one shoulder blade, and her skin around it was warm. Air was coming out of the thing in long, sleepy breaths. Deep breathing, from a deep voice in a deep sleep. The shape pressing into her felt smallish, bluntish, and it nuzzled into her like a sleepy puppy. A voice came from right below it, murmuring her name.
Aha, Lizzy thought, groggily, a voice right below! Voice comes from mouth, mouth is right below nose! It's a nose!
But whose nose was being nuzzled into her shoulder? Lizzy hadn't had a romantic partner in almost a year; she hadn't slept beside anyone in even longer than that.
Lizzy really wanted to find out who the nose belonged to. Who was snuggling her so gently, holding her so tight, but her mind was slipping back into slumber. And besides, she couldn't move a muscle. It felt like sleep paralysis, except she didn't get that.
She existed in a languid sort of state, in between dreams. Lizzy's only real movement was a whimper she couldn't control when the sleepy voice stopped whispering tender words into her back, and the warmth faded from behind her. Lizzy wanted to reach out, to find who had been there and hold on tight, but her body wouldn't obey her. Her eyes remained blind, and her thoughts soon fell back into the oblivion of sleep.
Suddenly, the numb, seemingly unbreakable chrysalis that had held her hostage melted away, and Lizzy could move again.
She opened her eyes to see a sideways room she hadn't been in before. She was in a sleeping bag, still dressed in her clothes from last night. Behind her, there was a cold invention of someone else's body. In front of her, there was a desk, and around her, walls.
Lizzy sat up, and took in the rest of her surroundings.
The first thing that surrounded her was pain: namely, her head.
"Fuck," Lizzy muttered, holding her temples as if to hold back the pounding in her skull. What happened?
Lizzy tried to remember last night. She drank, but that was all that was clear in her mind. She concentrated, ignoring the pain, and tried to think about exactly what had happened last night, at the club.
It came back to her in flashes. A half-peeled label of a beer bottle. Charming green eyes, the color of moss. Trying not to cry. Laughter and loud music. Glow-sticks breaking through the shadows like electric currents, sharp and fading through the crowd. Wanting more, more, more.
Then…. Him.
His judgemental tone. His worried brown eyes. His dark curls in her hands as she held him close. Her mouth on his. Him, his face afterward, his stupid, searching, disappointed eyes watching her. As if he didn't know her anymore. As if he didn't even want to try, anymore.
And that was all she remembered. And all she wanted to do was go back in time, and NEVER, EVER come to the Playpen. Never see his shocked face, disgusted with her, pitting her, again. Never.
That was her initial response. But then.. something in her chest, just below her sternum, ached when she thought about it. When she thought about a life without William Darcy.
"Oh my god," Lizzy groaned, pressing her fingers up to her swollen eyelids, "Oh my god."
She had feelings for Will. She.. maybe even…
She might even love him. But now she'd never know.
Because she had just single-handedly proved when she kissed him, she was alone in those feelings. And, quite possibly, made Will uncomfortable while presenting the worst, most pathetic parts of herself. She had shown herself to be nothing better than a sad, drunken mess, one that no man or woman in their right mind would enter into a relationship she came to terms with her feelings.
In short, Elize Bennít had royally fucked up.
Just as she came to this realization, a door opened and in walked the last person Lizzy wanted to see right then.
"Hey," he said, "You're up."
Lizzy grimaced in greeting. She covered her face, partially to block out the light and partially to hide her shame. "Hi, Will."
"How.. how are you?" His voice asked.
She couldn't meet his eyes. "Fine," she croaked.
"I brought you an Advil," Will said.
"Thanks," was Lizzy's reponse. Don't be nice to me. Please. I can't take it. Please, God, just don't pull me along anymore.
Will stopped loitering at the door and walked over. He crouched down until he was at her eye level, though his own eyes were focused on the floor. "Um, are you hungry?"
Lizzy took the Advil and dry swallowed it. "No," she said.
"You should eat," said Will, finally looking at her, "It helps when you're hungover."
"I'm not THAT hungover," Lizzy grumbled, her cheeks warming.
Will scoffed a little. "Uh, YEAH, you are. You could barely stand last night. That's.. that's not healthy, Elize."
"I know."
"You could have gotten alcohol poisoning."
"I know."
"It was dangerous to drink that much, all alone."
"I know."
"You could have been mugged or kidnapped or raped or—"
"Will!" Lizzy snapped. "I'm fine!"
His face was twisted, but unreadable. His eyes were saying something like 'you don't understand' as he shook his head from side to side.
"Lizzy," he said, slowly, condescendingly, "I KNOW you think you know the risks of this, but, frankly, it was irresponsible to drink that much and to not arrange a ride home. Merriton is… it— You could have been hurt."
Now it was her turn to scoff. "C'mon, Will. I'm not some teenager sneaking out for the first time. I had a ride, you just swooped in and got there first."
Suddenly, Lizzy knew Will hadn't been mad before. Because the emotion on his face now? That was mad.
"Wickham," he spat. "Right. You had a ride with Wickham."
"So?" Lizzy snapped back, her temper flaring. Who did this guy think he was?
"Wickham isn't…" Will ground his teeth. "He isn't someone you should take rides from, to say the LEAST."
Lizzy crossed her arms and frowned at the man. She had said she didn't want him nice, but him being mean was just as bad.
"He seemed like an okay guy to me," she shrugged, looking away and frowning.
Will's hands were suddenly on her shoulders, pulling her around to face him. He shook her, lightly. "Listen to me, Lizzy. DON'T TRUST HIM. Don't. He's a gambler, a-and a cheat, and sleeps around with lots of women, and— and lots of other things. You shouldn't be around him. You shouldn't even talk to him. You shouldn't—"
"Will!" Lizzy cried, incensed and jumping to her feet, "It is NONE of your business what I do, or who I talk to! None!"
His face looked up at her, stone cold and angry. His lip was curled. His eyes flashed and his eyes were the color volcanic rocks, glaring at her, ready to burst with some molten and untamed emotion. If he had moved in that moment, Lizzy would have flinched.
He was the most handsome man she had ever met, but in that moment..., he was.. repulsive.
Lizzy growled low in her throat. In a calm voice, calmer than she felt, she said, "You don't have the right to judge me,or my choices. So just don't, William Darcy."
A bit of her anger crumpled inside her, and her voice lost a little of its edge. "Just.. just don't." She swallowed. A lump was forming in her throat that she couldn't get rid of. "I- I have to go."
Before he could say anything, anything at all, Lizzy was grabbing her shoes and walking out the door. It slammed behind her.
It didn't open again.
She was gone.
NOTES:
Hiya yall! Its me, Vinny :)
For those you have been following this story since the beginning, you may know that I posted very regularly— almost every day. You may have also noticed that in recent chapters, I've been slipping. I know it's not really an excuse, but my mental health hasn't been that great (shocker I know, for a fanfic writer). I've been really struggling (which actually makes it very easy to write angst lol [I joke, but the light inside me is dying]) It's been hard to find pleasure in things, and work up motivation.
(Also, don't worry for me, I'm not about to do a google search for sturdy ropes, I'm just very.. not happy and not-okay, and I need to change something if I want to get better)
THIS ISN'T TO SAY I'M ABANDONING THIS STORY, HELL TO THE NO.
I still love this story, and fully intent to keep posting as often as I can.
I'm just starting a new Medication, that will hopefully pull me out of some lower days. Unfortunately, there is a possibility that the first week or two will be even rougher— a risk I am willing to take on the road to recovery. But please note, if I take a little longer to post in the next few updates, it is not because I am not interested in the story or because I've moved on. I just need to get the help I need. Thank y'all so much for understanding.
I love each and every one of yall. If u need a pick me up story while I'm off in depression-land, please check out The Cat's Guide to Compromise and Havenswood (1st on is on ao3) they are very very good stories, that I highly reccomend if u have a craving for P&P.
As always, thanks for reading! Stay safe out there ❤️ ~ vinny
