Chapter 2
I Love You More Than You'll Ever Know

28 ABY
Eclipse Space Station, Deep Core

Through a sleepy haze Tahiri heard the door to her room hiss open and vaguely registered the sound of Anakin's footsteps as he made his way over to her bed. Before she had time to puzzle out why he was back, or how long ago it was that he had left, he had stripped off his vac suit and shirt and was sliding back between the sheets. He slipped one arm under her pillow and the other around her waist, pulling her body tightly to his before resting his head behind hers and pressing his lips to her hair.

As the satiated fog began to fade, Tahiri was assaulted by the tempest of emotion coming off Anakin. He was terrified, and her first thought was that the gravity of the mission they were about to undertake was finally sinking in and he was afraid. If that were the case then his return was likely for the purpose of once again trying to talk her out of going with him. But as soon as that thought finished its trip across her mind, she realized that his fear was different, new. It wasn't a fear for her as much as a general fear. She also realized that the small sigh that had escaped him as he kissed her head was not a sigh at all, but a sob; Anakin was crying.

Tahiri rolled over in his arms, then lifted her hand up to gently caress his cheek. She felt his tears, lightly smoothed her thumb over his skin to wipe them away and opened her mouth to ask what was wrong, but didn't have a chance to get the words out before he was kissing her. Realizing immediately what he needed from her, and how desperately he needed it, Tahiri put aside all thoughts of what could have happened since he'd tucked her in and snuck out of her room earlier. Anakin would tell her what he wanted to tell her when he was ready, and not a second before. Right now what he needed was to be comforted, to feel safe and loved, and she would give all that she was to accomplish that.


4 Hours Later

Tahiri sat between Anakin's outstretched legs, her shoulder leaning against his chest, one hand fisting his shirt, the other cupping his neck, staring off into the distance, while Anakin absently ran his fingers through her hair. Older Tahiri sat opposite them, head leaned back against the wall, clearly exhausted and fighting to keep her hold on the flow.

Anakin had thought listening to what Older Tahiri had to tell him earlier was rough, but it didn't begin to compare with what she had shared when they'd all sat down in his room again a few hours ago. He'd known, intuitively, that team members were going to die, he'd known that he was going to have to make difficult choices, he'd even known that he was going to make mistakes, but hearing them recited one by one, one after another, was a different thing entirely. Had it not been for the strength of these two women, and their combined belief in him and his ability to make it right this time, he might have been tempted to call off the mission, and hope that the Jedi could just try to outrun the Voxyn until the Vong got tired of this particular brand of torture.

Torture.

That was a hard one to listen to too. As with many of the other aspects of the mission that they had anticipated, 'prepared' for, listening to Older Tahiri recount what had been done to her, how many times she had been dragged to the center of the room for breaking was almost too much to bear. He hadn't liked hearing what they had done to him or his siblings, had gotten a little nausea, again, when listening to what had been done to Ulaha, but evidently, only Ulaha had been taken to the center of the holding chamber more than Tahiri had.

She thought that maybe the Vong had targeted her because she was the smallest, and they may have equated that with weakness and thought the other team members would try to protect her. She had mused at one point that maybe they had recognized her as the Jedi who was shaped, and were just playing with her to see if the Jedi who had stood with Vua Rapuung would come to her defense again. She did say that despite Anakin's orders she had shut herself off from the meld every time, fearing what he would do if he could feel her fear or pain.

Typical, Anakin had thought.

After that, Older Tahiri had regaled them with tales of cramming into escape pods while Ulaha sacrificed herself to cover their landings, the team's debate over freeing the Dark Jedi, Vergere and Nom Anor laying in wait and dogging them through the entire treck, and finally the ambush in the slave city where Anakin had been hurt. None of this, however, prepared him for both women's reactions to Older Tahiri's telling them of how Anakin had actually died.

There wasn't much left after that; Tahiri going with Jaina to get Anakin's body back, and her laying with him on the flight off the World Ship. She admitted that she didn't remember much after she'd felt Anakin go and apologized that she couldn't give them more information about Jacen killing the Queen and then being captured because she had only been told about those events later by the others. Anakin had nodded numbly, and Younger Tahiri had crawled into his lap and begun to weep like he'd never seen her weep before. And now here they sat; emotionally drained, and having gotten almost no sleep.

Anakin stretched his foot out to gently nudge Older Tahiri, causing her to lower her chin back down and look at him.

"Why don't you go back and get some rest. Tahiri and I need to talk and I've got to meet with Luke."

Younger Tahiri sat up, an expression Anakin knew all too well, and frankly, feared, on her face.

"If you think for a moment, Anakin Solo," she whispered harshly, "that you're doing any talking to Luke without me…"

To Anakin's surprise, it was Older Tahiri that cut her off.

"Stop. You have to back down and let him handle this. And you can't let anyone know about me or changes could happen too soon and I won't be able to get back. Believe it or not I've got tons more to tell you both." Leaning forward, pinning Tahiri with her glare, she said, "especially you."

"Why me?"

"Because if we aren't able to save him, and you are left alone, we want to avoid you having to go through some of the things I went through."

"The melding."

"Among other things."

Younger Tahiri sank back into him as she nodded, surprising Anakin. He'd never seen her give in to anyone so easily, but then, he realized, this was hardly easy. And besides, she was giving into herself, so it sort of didn't count.

The three sat in silence for a moment more before Older Tahiri broke it. "You're right Anakin, I'm exhausted, and I'm not going to be any good to you if I can't think straight, but before I go, we need to figure out what you two are going to do today. I'll come back tonight but you can't just hang out while I'm gone, you have to act normal."

"Normal?" Anakin asked, incredulously.

"Well, you know what I mean. Today you all continue plotting out the mission points for what happens on the Lady Luck and work on programming Lando's droids."

Anakin closed his eyes for a while and could practically feel both Tahiris watching him.

"Anakin?" They asked in unison, and he chuckled quietly because the inflection was identical.

"Sorry. I was thinking about Jacen."

"What about Jacen?" They asked, in unison again.

"Okay, you guys are freaking me out. Could you like, take turns talking or something?" They all laughed at that, though Anakin noted that there was a slightly more hysterical note to his Tahiri's tone. Anakin pulled her against his chest and rubbed her back as he continued. "It seems to me that on some level Jacen figures heavily into all possible futures. Whether it's screwing with the battle meld, or insisting that Lomi and Welk be brought along, or his inability to listen to me. But at the same time, we can't kick him off the team, at least not yet."

Older Tahiri had drawn her knees up to her chest and was listening intently. "And?" She prompted.

"Maybe if I can impress upon him, upon everyone really, how important some of the things you told me are, I can head off some of the problems before we leave. We can still take the same team members, we won't have made any significant changes yet; you can still find your way back…"

"In theory."

"In theory. It's worth a shot."

Younger Tahiri sat back up and wiped her cheeks. "Let's get back to Jacen for a minute." Looking up at Anakin she said, "What if you suggest the meld, and him being in charge of it, now? Don't wait until you two are at each other's throats and Jaina comes up with it. Maybe if you make it seem like he's doing you this great favor, that you can't survive without, he'll cool his jets and not be so self-righteous."

"She has a point." Older Tahiri said. "If he feels valued from the beginning… it could work. I've always had a theory about Jacen not feeling appreciated enough and that being a big part of his issues."

Anakin sat shaking his head. "And by making this suggestion today, I change what came before. We really should face the fact that you may not be coming back. I mean the very fact that you've told us all you have may have changed the future enough already."

They all stared at each other, none of them knowing what to say, all sad at the prospect that these could be their final seconds together.

"Tahiri," Younger Tahiri finally said, "if you aren't able to make it back, if we don't see you again, I want you to know how much I appreciate what you've done for us, and how sorry I am for what you've been through."

"Me too," Anakin added. "If how I feel is anything to go by, I know he loved you, and I know this may seem strange to you, but I love you too, and I can't thank you enough for what you're trying to do for us."

A small sob escaped Tahiri, and when her second attempt to thank them failed, she simply smiled and nodded her head. After another moment she pulled herself together and said, "I have a lot more to share with you, so try not to screw anything up today so I can't get back. Oh, and no messing around tonight. You guys take forever, which is fabulous when you're the ones actually doing it, not so great when you're waiting for you to finish."

Anakin sat stunned as Older Tahiri began to fade before his eyes, chagrined and amazed, though not sure why after the night he'd just had, being ribbed about their love making, or watching a human being disappear should elicit any reaction at all.

"Tahiri…"

"Yes, Anakin?"

"That all just happened, didn't it?"

"Yes, Anakin."

"So, you walked cross time for me."

Tahiri grinned, and leaned into him, rubbing the tip of her nose against his. "I guess I owed you. You'd already walked across two planets for me."

"So, we're not just like… two ships passing in the night."

"I'd say not. Much more serious than that." She smiled slightly, brushing her lips lightly against his.

"Speaking of serious…" Anakin sighed.

"Yeah. That was some really kriffed up stuff she said."

"Even with her helping us, it's going to be a whole lot worse than we thought it was going to be."

"If you don't mind, I'd like to live in denial for a few more minutes."

"Mmmm. Long enough for a quickie."

"Yes, please. Just not so quick I don't forget what I'm trying to forget."

Anakin nodded, and kissed the tear that slipped down Tahiri's cheek before leaning her back onto the floor.

"I think people are waking up." Anakin warned slowly, as he trailed kisses down her neck, and passed her collarbone.

"You know what? I honestly don't care anymore," she sighed.

Pushing his weight back up to his hands and knees, Anakin looked deeply into Tahiri's eyes, all playfulness gone from his expression. "No matter what happens, you have to know, I love you."

Nodding slowly, and reaching up to smooth that lock of hair away from his eye, Tahiri whispered, "I do know, and I love you too."