With You, Without You

Ben sat in his car staring intensely at Miranda's apartment building. He knew she was in there somewhere and was gathering courage to actually ring her bell and start a conversation about their relationship. Since they'd started dating nine months ago, they hadn't gone more than a day without speaking. Now, it had almost been a week. But each time he started to open the car door, fear jerked him back. He caught the eye of one of her neighbors and waved. He'd talked to the man a few times over the course of the last couple of months. When he was gone, Ben wiped the fake smile from his face. Finally, he just drove home. He'd try again another day.

Ben Warren moved through surgery on auto-mode. He didn't do much talking to anyone and spent his lunch break in his car, tapping his cellphone. He really wanted to call Miranda. He wanted to say that he was sorry. To be fair, there was nothing for him to be sorry about personally, but if she was hurting, he was extremely sorry. He loved the woman so much that anything he could do to help her, he'd do. The shooting had left a chasm and (several bullet holes) in the hospital and without her in his life, he didn't want to be there at all.

Once the day was done, he pulled up to her building and began to get out. His heart raced and he shut the door. What the hell was he going to say to her? He'd had so many things planned, but he knew that once he saw those brown eyes, he was going to break and the thoughts would slip away. The same neighbor passed by walking his dog. Ben waved again. The guy stopped and stared at him for a second. He mouthed something and Ben rolled down the window. "What's that?"

"I recognize your face. Do you want me to tell Dr. Bailey, you're down here?" The man asked.

"Oh, no, please don't do that. I'm g-going… inside in a little bit. I just have to make a call."

The man squinted. "Okay. Well, I have to be on my way home."

"You do that. Enjoy your day," Ben told the man, rolling up his window. When the man was out of sight, he relaxed a little, ending his fake phone call. Fearing another neighbor coming by, Ben got out of the car and headed toward the building. His cell rang, giving him an excuse to stall his quest. "Hello?"

"Hello, Benjamin." Miranda's voice on the other end sent him into a spiral.

There went his thoughts. "Uh, hi."

"I heard you were outside of my building." Ben blushed, happy that she couldn't really see him.

"I was just… coming to you see."

"Yesterday, too?" He hadn't seen her in a while, but that didn't mean that he didn't know when she was smiling.

"Yeah. About that. You see, I was coming to see you, but then I got called in, so I didn't." Yeah, Ben, she'll believe that.

"Any other lies you want to tell me tonight?"

He laughed and looked upward. "No. My bad." They were quiet for a long time. "Can I come up?"

"Uh, I don't, uh… I don't know about that."

"Just really quick. I really want to see you, Miranda. I want to make sure you're… I want to see you." Ben heard the door buzz and he ran to open it. He took deep breaths as he made his way up to her apartment. Knocking on the door, he couldn't stop help but wonder if he was doing the right thing. She hadn't specifically asked for space, but it was clear that's what she wanted. She hadn't been answering his calls or text messages. He'd even emailed her. And, once, okay, twice, he'd followed someone thinking that it was her. There was the time he heard she was in the hospital and he'd run all over the place looking for her, but like a magician, she was gone. The door opened just wide enough for the chain that was still attached and his heart swelled. She was so beautiful; he wanted to take her into his arms. But he couldn't. And he didn't know if he ever would again. "Hi," he said.

"Hi… again." His eyes dashed across her body. Her hair was in a ponytail, she had on a pair of sweatpants, no makeup, no jewelry, no socks. And she had on a sweatshirt that he recognized immediately. He smiled. "Is that my sweatshirt?" Ben thought he saw a smile. But it was gone so quickly, maybe it was part of his imagination.

"Who's asking?"

"Um, me," he answered putting a hand on his hip. She started to pull it off and his heart fell. "I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Keep it. It's yours." Ben cleared his throat. "Can I come in?" Miranda closed the door and his heart fell deeper. He turned to walk away and only stopped when he heard the clicks and slides of her door being unlocked. When she opened the door again, she stepped to the side so that he could enter. "Thank you." A hug felt appropriate, but he didn't know where the boundaries were. Instead, he just took off his jacket and hung it on the coat rack. Her apartment was big but not spacious; it was full of things for Tuck to play with and sit on. That reminded him—

"He's with his father," Miranda told him before he could ask. She had a four-year-old son, Tuck, who Ben loved immensely. The boy was so sweet and Ben missed hanging out with him. "I needed time to clear my head."

While she spoke, Ben wandered the apartment slowly, taking note of anything out of the ordinary. Her usually pristine kitchen counters and sink were full of stuff. "…Tucker to pick him." Across the room, he could see that bowls and plates were stacked up on the coffee table in front of the TV. There was also a pizza box on the table that looked like the same one they'd had a few nights before. "… wants me to come home." He rolled up his sleeves and turned on the water. She walked over and shut it off, a tired smile on her face. "You don't have to."

"I want to." Closer now, with no door between them, he could see her tired eyes. Unable to help himself, he stroked the side of her head, bringing her in for a kiss. Just as it deepened, she pulled away.

"S-sorry."

"You don't have to apologize." Miranda nodded. "Why haven't been answering my calls, babe? I've been worried about you?"

"That's why you were stalking me?"

He gave a tight-lipped smile. "I wasn't stalking you. I was concerned since…" His voice trailed off as they made eye contact.

There was never any good cell service at the golf course, so he sent Miranda a message before his game began: "I'll be done at six. Ish. Dinner at seven? I love you." She messaged him back quickly: "Can't wait. I love you, too." He finished the holes in record time with one of his best scores. And as he turned on his device at the end of his game, he saw the missed calls and the text messages and emails and… and… it wouldn't stop coming. His phone froze before he could properly read the headline of the online newspaper.

"You okay, Warren?" His buddy asked.

"I don't… uh… my phone is acting up. Can I borrow yours?"

"Yeah, sure, did you hear there was a shooting at one of the hospitals?"

Ben couldn't feel his body. "Which one?"

Dropping his clubs, he ran to his car. He sped out of the parking lot like a maniac. A sharp honk made him hit the brakes as a car was pulling into the lot. "Idiot!" He heard the other driver say.

He nodded and took a breath, he slowed as he drove, not by much. He couldn't get two blocks within the hospital. He parked his car at a store and ran to the scene. Showing his badge and lying through his teeth, he was able to slip beneath the yellow tape. He searched for familiar faces. For the one face he needed to see. His girlfriend. It was futile. Finally, he saw a face—Eli Lloyd, one of the surgical nurses. He ran over to him and tapped his shoulder. "Hey, what the hell is going on? You seen Bailey?"

Eli shook his head and lowered his voice. "There's a shooter in there. He's killed a few people already and shot a bunch more. It's bad, man."

"No one's see her?"

"No, but she's not out here. I was working check-in for a long time and she never came by."

"That doesn't mean…" The man's stare stopped him from posturing. "Fuck."

"Yeah."

More than once, Ben tried to find a way into the building. If his woman was in there, he wanted to save her. He wanted to help. When Webber, the Chief of Surgery, had gone in the hospital, Ben begged him to let him go, too. "I can't have you roaming with a shooter on the loose. Sorry, Warren."

Ben had grabbed the man's arm. "Please. I have to find her."

"Fine. No noise. No cowboy shit. Got it?" He demanded.

Ben tossed up his hands. "Got it."

They put on bulletproof vests and went into the building. Ben went to find Miranda. Her last patient had been… God, what was the woman's name? Mary something. He'd met her one time when he picked Miranda up for lunch. That had been on the… "Warren, she's on the fifth floor. The elevators are off. Be silent. And tread carefully."

Ben split without another word. Dashing through the hospital, he thought he'd get sick and vomit under the pressure, but he didn't. The rush was immaculate and after climbing the ten landings, he darted onto the fifth floor. His eyes landed on a long streak of blood leading from one room, passing the Nurses' Station to the elevators. An explosion of relief fell on him as he saw Miranda—sitting against the wall, a resident cradled in her arms. Ben didn't know it, but the man was dead. Had taken his last breaths only moments before. Miranda was singing softly. Mary was singing, too, harmonizing. If the scene hadn't been so bloody and so tragic, it would have been beautiful. "Miranda?"

She closed her eyes for a second. Mary looked over at him and began crying. "Shhh!" He said walking over to them. "I don't know where he is."

Miranda stood up, her stance a little wobbly. "What are you doing in here?" She asked harshly.

"I had to make sure you were okay."

"I don't need… you shouldn't be in here! What if he finds you?" She hit his chest. "What if something happens to you? What if I lose you, too?" She was breaking down now, tears streaming down her face. And Ben couldn't stop his own. He put his arms around her body, holding her tightly. More tightly than he'd ever held anyone in his life.

"You're okay. We're okay," he said in her ear. He kissed the side of her head. "I got you. I love you. You and I are okay."

After they were evacuated, they were driven to Seattle Presbyterian so that Miranda could be checked out. Then, they caught a cab back to her place. Miranda hadn't said much, had only slept off and on as the cab maneuvered traffic, taking the long way to her home. In her apartment, she realized that she didn't have a key. Everything was in her locker. Ben pulled out the spare key that he had in his wallet. He led her into her apartment. "Hungry?" No response. "I'll order." She headed for the shower with Ben listening out and checking on her every two minutes. Her house phone began ringing and he answered it. "Hello?"

"Who's this?"

"Ben."

"Oh, Ben. Right." Ben recognized the voice of Miranda's soon-to-be ex-husband, Tucker. "How is she?"

"She's… not good."

"Can you put her on?"

"She's in the shower. When she—" A tap on his shoulder made him turn around.

"I got it," Miranda said softly. She sat next to him, her robe fanning her legs, and put the phone to her ear. "Yes, yes. I'm fine. N-… no, you don't have to come. Don't bring Tuck. Just tell him I love him. I just… I know, Tucker. Thank you. I know. Thank you. I… love you, too." With a clenched jaw, Ben went down to get the pizza. Back in her apartment, she was finished the phone call. The two of them didn't speak as they ate. "That was good."

"Yeah." He reached for her hand, squeezing it.

"Thank you, Ben."

"Please don't thank me. Please."

"Why not? You ran into the building when everyone was running out. You came looking for me." He nodded, sure that his voice would betray him. "You love me that much."

"I do." Miranda put her plate down and took his as well. She climbed on top of him, her legs on either side. He was feeling a mixture of regret and horniness and guilt and sadness with a dash of intrigue. "Baby, maybe we should—" Her finger went to his lips. She pulled his shirt up and over his head before he could register what she was doing. "Miranda…"

"Please, stop talking." Her voice was stern.

"Are you sure you want to do this? You've just gone through something traumatic. And maybe you should just rest."

"Maybe," she said. He picked up his shirt. "Or maybe…" She kissed his chest and he shuddered. "You should…" Miranda touched the front of his pants and he jumped. "Let me heal…" Her tongue swiped the bottom of his lip and she kissed him hard. "The way I want to." Ben sank into the sofa, his arms wrapping around her. "Yes!" She opened her robe and Ben watched her face. Tears filled her eyes as the robe dropped from her shoulders.

He shook his head and covered her body. "No. No. I can't. We can't."

"Don't speak for me!"

Ben stood up. "Baby, let's go to bed. Get some rest. Now, tomorrow, if you want to make love. I'll oblige. Happily. But you're not ready. And that's perfectly okay."

"Get out," Miranda said.

"What?"

"Leave!" Ben stood up. "Get the hell out! I hate you. I hate you for coming in there. I hate you for seeing me like that. I hate you for not wanting me."

He grabbed her wrist. "Seeing you like what? Don't do this!" She shook him off, picked up his shirt and threw it at him. It stung in more ways than one. "I do want you. I love you."

"Go!" Ben was so conflicted. He didn't want to leave, but he wanted to respect her wishes. She was rightfully lashing out and he wanted to be there. "And I never want to see your face again." But if she didn't want him there…

He clenched his jaw and stared at her. "Miranda, please."

"You're still here. Go!"

Ben whispered that he loved her and was gone.

"Since you kicked me out," he said coming back from his thoughts.

"I was so mad."

"I know. I thought you were going to fight me." The two of them laughed.

"I'm…" She gave him a hard glare. "I've had time to think about things."

"I should have stopped by."

"You should have."

"You should have answered my calls so that I knew you were okay."

"I should have." Miranda sat on the sofa as Ben collected the dishes from around the apartment and began washing them. By the time he finished, she was asleep. He grabbed the blanket from the back of the chair and draped it over her body, leaning down to kiss her forehead. "Don't go," she whispered.

Ben sat at the end of the sofa and she moved to curl up next to him. He raked her hair softly as they watched TV. This is what he'd wanted to do the day of the shooting, hold her, feel her heartbeat next to his, protect her. Instead, he got thrown out on his ass. At the end of the movie, she got up and headed to her bedroom. "Alright, I'll be going, but I will be back."

"No, please, stay."

"You're sure?" She gave him a look that weakened him. "I'm sure." In bed, Ben twisted his long arms around her waist and kissed the back of her head. "I'm sorry for yelling at you and kicking you out."

"It's okay."

"It's not."

"It is. You were reeling and I just hoped it helped."

"It did for about two minutes. Then…" She sighed. "Then, I just missed the hell out of you."

"You could have called me."

She shook her head. "Not after that."

"You can always call me, Miranda. That's why I'm here."

She muttered something that he couldn't hear and turned around to face him. "You're too good for me."

"No, I'm not. I'm just right for you. We're perfect together." He smiled a little, but it felt fake so he stopped. "I'm in love with you." Miranda leaned over to kiss him. "What?"

"You're so over-protective."

He laughed. "I am. But I just call it being a good boyfriend."

Miranda kissed him again and he felt it down to his toes. He never got enough. Tangling his tongue with hers, he eased his hands beneath her shirt, running his hands over her back. She dropped her head back and he kissed her neck, awakening parts of his body. He pulled Miranda on top of him and quickly shoved a hand into the band on her pants, moving her panties out of the way and circling her button slowly. She caved yelling, "Oh, my God!" Slipping a finger into her, he felt how ready she was and pulled out his hand, licking it. The fire in her eyes matched his and he brought her in for a kiss.

Ben unbuckled his jeans and pushed them down as Miranda did the same to her sweats. He lifted her hips and together they connected their bodies. He shook as he entered her. "Holy shit!" The feeling was so intense, he had to catch his breath. "Breathe," he said to himself.

"Oh… okay," Miranda answered. He closed his eyes and grabbed onto her, moving slowly, enjoying every second. "Yes! Yes!" Her screams got louder with each thrust. "YES! YES! Ben! Yes, baby!"

"You feel so good, Miranda." That wasn't a line. Her body pretzeled with his was one of the best feelings in the world. "I love you," he said into her mouth as they kissed again.

"I love you, too, baby."

"Say that again."

"I love you."

"You don't hate me?" He asked, licking her nipples, biting them tenderly.

"I could never hate you," she responded. She nudged his head back with her nose and kissed his Adam's apple, tracing it with her tongue.

"Oh, my God."

Miranda rocked her hips on him, her nails in his back. "I'm about to come, Ben! I'm coming!"

"Come for me, baby." As he was about to climax, she squeezed her body on him and he sat up, grabbing her ass, mushing them together. "Fuuuck!" He shouted, moving slowly inside of her. She whined and he smiled, pulling out of her. Ben rubbed his forehead, drying it. He did the same to Miranda before pulling her into his arms. They were silent. And it was a different kind of silent. Usually after sex, they'd be on a high, recapping, eating snacks and drinking wine. This time, there was so much he wanted to say, but he stayed silent, waiting for her to speak. When he heard her snoring, he fell asleep, too.

In the morning, Ben's phone beeped. He checked it, remembering the meeting he had. One that he'd be late for if he didn't get going. Leaving Miranda asleep in the bed, he got dressed. After writing her a note, he put it on top of her cell. "You're leaving?" She asked with a yawn.

"Y-yeah, I have to go." He walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. Ben looked down at her and saw that one of her breasts was poking out from beneath the covers. Grinning like a chess cat, he fingered the nipple, teasing the both of them. "I'll call you."

Miranda sat up, exposing her entire chest. "Ben… I have to tell you something."

He touched her lips. "Let's talk when I get back. I'm going to be late. And you know what they say."

"What?" She asked with a gorgeous smile.

"Lateness is next to satanism."

"No one says that."

"Well, they should start." Her gorgeous laugh filled the room. "I love you."

"Love you, too."

Ben thought he heard something in her voice that made him want to turn around. His phone buzzed again and he continued on his way.

Ben headed to his meeting. After Miranda had thrown him out of her apartment with claims of hating him and never wanting to see him again, he set it. So, in a haste, he decided to apply for a surgical residency. Somewhere far away from everything Seattle had to offer—including Miranda and the ghost of their relationship. He sat across from the woman who was interviewing him and nodded politely, answering perfectly and being the best candidate he could be. Inside, he was jittery. If he got it, what did that mean for him and Miranda? Their futures? "Well, thank you, Dr. Warren, this has been a treat. You seem to have a good head on your shoulder. We love that you've already explored one area of medicine. I think this is a good step for you."

"Thank you for taking the time to talk to me," he said with his signature charming smile.

As soon as they were finished, Ben went home to shower and change before heading to Miranda's house. in front of her building, he saw her holding Tuck and stuffing a few bags into the trunk of a cab. His face screwed up. "What the hell?" He said. Ben ran across the street. "Miranda." The woman practically jumped out of her skin. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"No, you… you don't just sneak up on people. Okay? You don't…"

"Ben," Tuck said and Ben gave him the realest smile he could muster.

"Hey, bud." Ben touched the top of the toddler's head. His heart was pounding. This was such a change from this morning. From last night. From everything. She looked so scared. He took the suitcase from her. "I got these."

"I have to go."

"Where are you going?" He touched her waist and she moved away quickly. Time was running out. She was about to leave and he didn't know where she was going or when he'd see her again.

"Away. I can't be here… anymore. I c-can't." He watched her get into the car without saying anything else. "We gotta go."

"Miranda. Well, where are you going?"

"Home," she said exasperatedly. He looked confused for a second. Home? "Uh, to my mom. Right? Yeah? We're gonna go see grandma?" He looked to her open purse and spotted a plane ticket. He zeroed in trying to read it. "Yeah, Tuck." She handed Tuck a toy as the boy whimpered.

"When are you coming back?" He asked.

Tuck began crying. "Okay, okay, okay, okay," she said soothing him.

"Miranda, w-when are you coming back?" Miranda didn't look at him. He reached for her again, sure that she'd react the same. Instead, she touched his hand, applying pressure.

"We're ready," she told the driver and the car pulled off slowly. Ben ran after it, wanting to kick and slam on the trunk. But knowing it would do more harm than good, he let her go. He had no choice.

In his car, he sat beneath the wheel, trying not to fall apart. His phone rang and he ignored it. It made some more noise and he picked it up to throw it out of the window. A spam email appeared advertising flights from "Here to There". Ben's brain fired up. Could he? Should he? Not answering his own questions, he raced through town toward the airport. He paid for valet to park his car in the lot and ran to the nearest desk to purchase a ticket. Out of breath, he held the counter. "I need a ticket to Baltimore. Please."

"We have several."

Ben tapped the counter. "I need one that will get me there as soon as possible."

"There is a flight boarding in twenty minutes."

"Twenty?"

"Yes. That's if you can get through security in time." Ben nodded. "There's another leaving in two hours."

"I'll take the first one. Thanks so much."

Ben paid for the ticket and rushed off. In security, he slowed down and was patient. Miranda wouldn't have been leaving so late if she were on this flight. So, he'd probably get to her hometown before she did. On the flight, he closed his eyes, relaxing. He never expected to be on a plane chasing a woman to across the country, rather beating her there. He smiled to himself as the passenger next to him patted his shoulder. "You're going home?" They asked.

He shook his head. "No. Uh, I'm trying to catch my girlfriend."

"What happened?" They asked.

"A lot."

Ben pushed through the crowd, apologizing half-assedly. He rented a car and then sat there. He had no idea how to get to her parents' house. Laughing in the car alone, he began brainstorming. The adrenaline in his body was such that he could go door to door through the city until he found them. Ben had met them one time when they'd visited Miranda. They were very nice and had seemed to like him. He hoped they would this time, too. Ben pulled into a gas station and searched for a phone book. It was a long shot, but he prayed that he'd find the couple's name in the book. He scanned through pages of Baileys until he found the "Baileys". There were three under "E" for Elena, Miranda's mother. And, thankfully, one of the numbers matched one of the numbers under "W" for her father. He called the number, his heart thumping with each ring. "Hello?" A deep voice said.

"Hi, uh. Is this William Bailey?" Ben asked.

"Who's asking?"

"This is Ben. Warren. Ben Warren. Miranda's boyfriend."

"Oh, then, yes. This is William."

"Good."

"Hello, son. How can I help you?"

He began panicking. This whole thing was outrageous. They'd think he was a lunatic. "I was just in the neighborhood and—"

"Wait, you're in the neighborhood? I find that hard to believe." William laughed. "Well, Mandy's not here."

"I know, sir. But she's on her way." William was quiet. "I know you know that she is."

"And what can I do for you?"

Ben sighed. "I just… I hopped a plane so that I could meet her and Tuck here."

"Oh?"

"Yes. I love her, sir. And I need to be there… here… for her. For them." He could practically hear the man swallow. "Please."

"610 Sunflower Lane." Ben repeated the address in his head several times. "Got it?"

"Yes, sir." He took a breath, relaxing the smallest bit. "But 'Sunflower'?"

William chuckled. "Yeah, I petitioned for them to change it years ago, but Elena and Mandy stopped me. Now, I've come to enjoy it."

"Thank you." Ben told him where he was and William gave him directions.

"Don't make me regret it."

Ben picked up a bag of chips and a soda and was out the door. Doubling back inside, he grabbed a pound cake and a bottle of wine. Showing up empty-handed was not in his wheelhouse. His nerves overwhelmed him as he drove to Miranda's childhood home. He pulled up and recognized it immediately from photos he'd seen. He parked across the street, staring at it like he had Miranda's apartment over the last week. It seemed stalkerish, but how was he going to truly explain why he was here without Miranda? How they'd spent the night together. How he'd left thinking he was coming back to her, to hold her in his arms and tell her they'd be okay. Instead, she ended up hopping in a cab and leaving. He sighed as he dozed off. A knock on his window made him pop up and he hit his head on roof. "Jesus!" He yelped and looked into the stern face of William Bailey. He knew that face well. Miranda had clearly learned from the master.

"Don't take the Lord's name in vain." Ben forced a smile and opened the door and got out, shaking hands with William. "Why are you out here?"

"I guess… I just fell asleep for a second. How'd you know it was me?"

"I know my street. This car I didn't recognize." William jerked his head. Ben grabbed his gifts and followed. Behind the taller man, he tried to fix himself up a little, hopefully, he didn't look as haggard and unkempt as he felt. "Elena! Ben's here!"

Elena rounded the corner. "Ben! It's so nice to see you, sweetheart." She pulled him in for a warm and comforting hug. Ben squeezed her softly. He handed her the cake and the wine. "Oh, this is so nice. Isn't this nice, William?"

"Lovely, dear."

"You hungry?" Elena asked.

Ben knew that he couldn't very well turn down food from the woman no matter how much his stomach told him that he shouldn't put anything on it. He'd opened the bag of chips but had barely eaten any. He thought he was doing the right thing by following her across the country, but what it turned her off? What if she pushed him away for good? At least, he'd have a chance when she returned to Seattle. She had to return. Her friends who were like family, her successful career… it was all there. Though all of this put his entire body in knots, he said: "Yes, ma'am."

William said: "Well, we have some, uh, ribs leftover from dinner."

"With some macaroni salad. How does that sound?" Elena asked.

"That sounds wonderful. I, uh, hope that I'm not imposing." He looked from one Bailey to the other.

Elena raised an eyebrow. "You mean chasing our daughter almost three thousand miles? That kind of imposing?"

"I hope you don't think it's weird or anything," he admitted.

"I think," she said lowering her head a bit, "it's romantic." The woman winked at him and he exhaled.

"She was so shaken up. I didn't… I didn't want to lose her. Hopefully, she finds it just as romantic." He helped the older man in the kitchen as Elena went to the bathroom. The two of them moved in near silence. Ben almost started to sweat.

"Mandy is gonna be mad at first," William said with his back to Ben. "She's going to be pissed off and you have to let her be. Let her come to you."

"Yes, sir." Ben took the toasted bread from the oven. He heard the front door open and his heart raced.

William patted his shoulder. "Here we go." Ben stayed in the kitchen and pushed the door open a little, watching while Miranda put a sleeping Tuck on the sofa. She hugged her father. "How was your flight, baby?"

"Oh, it was good. Tuck was great and I'm just happy to see you two." She smiled widely and Ben wished it was for him.

"That's really good, Mandy," Elena said.

Miranda took off her jacket. "You both look great. Everything looks the same. It feels good to be home."

Her mother smiled, "We love having you."

"I see the Rucker's have a new car," she said with a laugh. "It took them long enough."

"Oh, that, uh, that's not the Rucker's car," William answered.

"Oh?" Elena and William exchanged glances. "What?"

"Ben is here," William told her. Ben watched her face change, her eyes squinting.

"Yeah? Where is he?"

"He's in the kitchen," Elena said. Ben let the door go and kept listening. "He was concerned, baby. We all are."

The door swung hard and hit his head. "Shi—shoot!" He shouted.

Miranda walked in and looked at him. "I'm not going to say that's what you get, but we all know that's what I'm thinking." She went to the freezer and pulled out the ice tray. After dumping it into an open dish towel, she shoved it at him. "Here."

"Thanks," he grumbled as his head spun.

They were quiet for a long time. He avoided her eyes as he drafted an apology in his head. "Why are you here, Ben?"

"You were just gonna up and leave and not say anything. And… and you looked so sad," he took the ice from his forehead. "And understandably so. But I was worried about you, babe." Ben's hand itched to grab hers. He pushed the makeshift pack back against his skin. "I didn't know what else to do."

"You could have waited."

"I thought about it."

"I would have come back."

"Yeah." He heard William's voice in his head and was patient. "But would we have been okay?"

Miranda shrugged and the two of them made eye contact for the first time. Tears began to fill her eyes. She touched his hand, staring into his eyes with her bright brown ones, piercing his damn soul. "You're… you're a good man. You are handsome. And kind… and smart." A smile hit his face. "I mean, you're perfect. But, um, I'm… busy. Holding myself together with tape and glue." His smile was gone and Miranda's tears fell onto the table. "And a piece of me wishes that you hadn't played golf, because… then you'd be all taped and glued, too. And maybe you'd be where I am." The quiet room was only filled with the breaking of his heart. "I am so grateful to you for coming into the hospital to find me. It was so… stupid. And ridiculous." Ben shook his head, making it hurt more. "And so brave, hon. I'm lucky."

"I'd do it again."

"But it was too late. The damage had been done." Her hands were shaking and he kissed them, moving his chair closer. "And I'm sorry."

"Okay, okay. Shhh. It's okay."

"You're… you're too much for me right now, 'cause I'm busy with the tape and the glue."

"Shh. Shh. Alright, alright." He hugged her, stroking her head. "Alright. I understand. Really."

Tuck ran into the kitchen making them jump apart. "Mommy!" Miranda dropped his hand, wiped her face and picked the four-year-old up. She pointed at Ben. "Ben!" The boy reached for him and Ben put him on his lap.

"Uh," Ben said clearing his throat. "How was your trip, buddy?"

"Good!" Tuck turned to Miranda. "I want to eat."

"Please," Ben reminded him.

"Pwease," Tuck repeated.

"He's so close," Ben said looking at Miranda.

"So close," she said dabbing her face with a napkin.

Elena and William waltzed into the kitchen. "Are we eating or what?" William asked.

"Uh, actually, I think I'm gonna go." He smiled at Miranda's parents.

William shook his head. "Nonsense! You'll stay."

"Bill, please. If he wants to go, let him go."

"He doesn't actually want to go, Elena, or else he wouldn't have flown three thousand miles to get here before she did like some damn romantic comedy!"

Miranda scrunched up her and shouted: "Daddy, please!"

"Pwease!" Tuck mimicked. The adults all looked at him and cracked up.

Miranda looked at Ben. "Stay, at least for this insanely early dinner or extremely late lunch."

"I don't think I should. But thanks anyway, everyone." Ben turned to William and shook his hand. "Thank you." He hugged Elena. "Thank you for welcoming me. You have a lovely home." Leaning down, he held his hand out for Tuck who slapped it and then hugged him. His grandparents "aww-ed". The last thing he wanted to do was say goodbye to Miranda, but if space is what she was asking for, space is what she'd get. At least he'd tried. At least he'd followed his heart even if that heart didn't want him right now. He hugged her tightly and kissed her cheek. Waving, he left the kitchen and passed through the living room. The room that he'd hoped would one day hold pictures of him and Miranda and Tuck and any other additions to their family. He could feel them watching him as he went out of the door. In the car, Ben had the fleeting thought that he should drive back to Seattle. He was going to need a lot of time to get over whatever the hell had just happened.

He was so exhausted that he'd have to get some sleep before he really decided anything. As he put on his seatbelt, there was a knock on the passenger window. Seeing Miranda's face, he unlocked the door, exhaling. She got in the car and didn't speak. Ben turned the key and pulled off. After ten minutes of taking random turns and driving down several weirdly named streets, Miranda began directing him. "Right." Ben's brain was scrambling. "Make a left in two blocks."

"Now?"

"Yeah."

Ben turned and saw that they were at a dead end on a deserted street. "Are you going to kill me?" He asked. Miranda shook her head. "Then, what are we doing here? What are you doing in the car?"

She sighed loudly. "I guess that I don't want you to go."

"Huh?"

"You heard me loud and clear, Benjamin Warren" she responded, turning to him.

"I also heard you loud and clear back there." His glare softened and he faced her. "I was listening. You need me to not be here, crowding you."

She shook her head. "You're not crowding me."

"I'm not?"

"No."

He stroked her cheek gently. He'd been waiting to do that. Ben snatched his hand away. "So, I made the right call coming here?"

Miranda nodded slowly. "I think so. I don't know. I mean… On one hand, I want you by my side, but I also know I feel like… like it's too much and I don't want to…"

He took a deep breath. "Just tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it. I just want to make you happy." They stared at each other. "Anything you want, Miranda." They were quiet, lost in their thoughts. Ben's stomach rumbled silently. "Well, babe? What do you want?" She didn't answer. "What do you want?"

"I…"

"Miranda Bailey, what do you want?"

"I want you," she said staring at him and biting her bottom lip. He was so turned on by the tiny gesture. "I want you, Benjamin Warren." She picked up his hand. "This is one of the hardest things I've ever gone through. I was scared. I am scared." Ben gritted his teeth and watched her face fill with tears. "And… and I need you."

His body shivered at her confession. He hoped with everything in him that she meant it; that he wasn't rushing her. "I want you, too," he said. "You can lean on me, baby. You don't have to heal by yourself." His thumbs swiped her face just before their mouths met. The kiss was so soft he barely felt it on his lips, but the rest of his body reacted. Ben slipped his arms around her body and pulled her closer. "I love you."

"I love you."

"And I'm so sorry you had to go through that, Miranda." They kissed again.

"Me, too."

Holding her tightly, he asked: "Are we good?"

"Yes," she whispered, the sound of her voice sending chills through his body.

He put his lips against her cheek. "Don't leave me again. Please."

"I promise." The third kiss was longer and made him dizzy. He was so in love. "But promise me one thing?"

"Anything."

She put her hands on his chest, tugging his shirt. "Promise me that even if I do, not that I will or that I want to…," she grinned, "but promise me you'll come after me. Promise me that you'll chase me however many miles like… like we're in some damn romantic comedy.

Ben stared at Miranda, a slight smile on his face. He was positive that this time they really would be okay. "I promise."