11/10/20
I've had this chapter done for a good while now but I wasn't really happy with it. Not sure why. Even now I'm not 100% satisfied but if I don't get this out of the way I can't move on. I've got a great feeling about what's to come next so I'll get my satisfaction from the future chapters. Until then, enjoy.
Chapter Thirty Nine
Bond - (Noun) A relationship between people or groups based on shared feelings, interests or experiences.
September 21st, 2060
Elma woke early the next morning, the jungle was quiet and peaceful as it always was. Some part of her found it strange that Indigens never wandered close enough to be an issue but she was also grateful for it.
Then again, when she thought about the state of Jaynix's body, it was clear that something had attacked her at one point or perhaps it was a constant struggle over the course of four years.
Whatever it may have been, the jungle was silent now. No threats to be detected, only birdsong. Though looking at the skies above made it clearer than ever, rain was drawing near. Elma predicted later tonight or early tomorrow morning there would be a rather heavy rainstorm.
Glancing around the camp, Elma found that Jaynix was nowhere to be seen. Feeling a faint sense of panic, Elma got to her feet and began searching. Thankfully it didn't take long to find her in another small clearing not too far from the camp.
Jaynix had her blade in hand and was going through her exercises. While the movements were similar to what Elma had seen in the past they were also rougher. Not in an unpracticed way but in a more...brutal way.
It didn't look like Jaynix was practicing her motions to keep her form consistent, rather she was striking some invisible enemy down. Her stance, her swings, all of it was far more aggressive than any of her training Elma had witnessed before.
Jaynix's movements slowed, Elma began to worry if she was aware of her presence or not. However, Jaynix looked in the opposite direction, at what, Elma wasn't sure. Jaynix was looking that way for a good while, her hands tightened on her blade before she returned to her exercises. Her swings were even more manic and desperate now.
Elma wanted to approach her, comfort her. She seemed to be struggling with something but she didn't want to startle her. Despite the clear agitation on display, Elma should save a possible conversation about it until later.
Slowly, Elma began moving back to leave when she felt herself step on a stray twig. There was a snap that sounded far louder than it had any right to.
Just like that incident days before, Elma found Jaynix's blade at her throat in an instant. The faint anger in Jaynix's eye steadily began to dissipate as she realized who it was.
"I-"
Elma shook her head.
"It's alright Jaynix. This was my fault. I should've known better than to sneak up on you."
Jaynix sighed, moving her blade away from Elma.
"How do you feel?"
Jaynix turned away, returning Feuervogel to its scabbard before looking at her hand, clenching it into a fist.
"Strong."
Elma recalled their fight once more. In such a critical state, the damage Jaynix caused should have been impossible. Yet she was stronger now than Elma had ever seen her before. She couldn't imagine how much more Jaynix would be capable of with a fully functioning body.
"Any pain?"
Jaynix was staring elsewhere, her fist still clenched tightly. Clearing her throat Elma tried again.
"Jaynix? Are you in pain?"
Looking back, she whispered a response.
"Always."
Elma crossed her arms, recalling the information she had on the status of Jaynix's Mimeosome. Even with the protoplasmic fluid issue solved thanks to the new Blueblood, there was still the matter of the internal damage Jaynix's Mimeosome had suffered.
The pain Jaynix felt was no doubt a combination of her mental issues and physical injuries. Treating one was a good way to get her started on a more thorough recovery but the level at which some of Jaynix's components were damaged called for far more serious surgery than Elma was prepared to do.
Even if she had a general idea, she wouldn't do it. The risk was too great.
"Jaynix. We need to talk."
The other woman looked to the clearing, Elma following her gaze but not seeing anything out of place. Jaynix stretched her arms out, taking a deep breath before bringing them together, the clap was loud, reverberating through the jungle.
Elma watched as the tree right in front of Jaynix shook and began to fall apart. The wood had been cleanly sliced through as if by a blade. The pieces fell over and rolled across the ground, Elma's gaze moved to Jaynix.
She expected a sort of cocky grin, something prideful. Instead, Jaynix looked at her work blankly. If there was anything that Elma could pull from Jaynix's eye it wasn't a positive emotion. Nodding silently, Jaynix moved past Elma.
Back at the camp, Elma sat down across from Jaynix. The Reaper's eye was looking everywhere except back at Elma leading her to believe that she knew what she was going to ask which in turn told Elma what her answer would be.
"Why don't you want to go home?"
Jaynix's eye focused on Elma.
"Home?"
"To NLA, the Habitat Unit that you...that you're family sacrificed everything to protect. All of you, everyone lost to Starfall have been immortalized as heroes. Without your bravery and sacrifice...that would have been the end. Of everything. Despite what you're feeling you have to know that you will be welcomed back."
Jaynix shook her head.
"Why don't you believe that? Talk to me. Please."
Elma waited, watching Jaynix close her eye. One of Jaynix's hands moved to her other, both were covered by thick gloves. As she worked on taking one off, she spoke.
"I'm not her anymore."
In the depths of her mind, Jaynix could see that figure. It was faint but it was there. A proud soldier, a confident warrior, a woman well respected and loved by those around her.
Opening her eye she spoke.
"They're waiting for her. For that hero. Seeing...this?"
Jaynix pulled her glove off, Elma couldn't hide her shock at seeing Jaynix's left hand. A completely robotic hand. There was old Mimeosome skin around her wrist that disappeared into the sleeves of her clothes, the ends of the skin were frayed and the composite material of Jaynix's hand was scorched.
Elma couldn't ask the question as Jaynix flexed her hand, the mechanisms whirring.
"This isn't what they want."
Jaynix's eye found Elma.
"I'm not what they want."
Doing her best to push the shock aside, Elma focused her gaze on Jaynix.
"You can't let yourself believe that. Kruse, Irina, Gwin, Boze, Kriss, Harriet, Iris, Raymond, Eliza, Hope, Nagi. Everyone who knew you would be elated to have you back and there is a whole new generation of defenders inspired by your stories. Your team."
"Stories…"
Jaynix shook her head, working on hiding her hand once more.
"There's nothing for me back there."
Elma could tell there was more to it, of course there was more to it. Jaynix was keeping so much to herself and Elma couldn't blame her for it. She had to take it one step at a time.
"Then if you don't think NLA is your home...what is this place?"
Elma gestured to the jungle around them.
"Is this your home?"
"No."
Jaynix looked around the jungle, there was nothing in her eye showing any sort of emotional attachment to the place she'd survived in for four years.
Elma noted that Jaynix's gaze seemed to fix on various points in the jungle around her. Whether it was some familiarity or something else Elma couldn't make it out as it passed as quickly as it came.
The silence stretched on for so long that Elma almost missed what the Reaper whispered.
"This is my prison."
Jaynix's gaze fell back on Elma.
"If I call it anything...it's Purgatory."
"Jaynix."
"You've seen me."
Elma had indeed seen at least a part of what four years have done to Jaynix. The state of her body. The state of her mind. Her hand. Who knows what other horrors inflicted themselves upon her.
Elma didn't want to assume anything about the depths of Jaynix's struggles but at least from the few days they've spent together so far she could tell that Jaynix wanted to be alone. She wasn't seeking physical comfort unless she felt trapped, in that case she wanted the comfort to fix everything when they both knew that it couldn't. All of that and she hardly spoke.
Elma knew that the only reason Jaynix was offering any sort of hand or time to her was because of their history. She would not give that consideration to anyone else.
"You don't want to see everyone? What kept you going these four years if not the desire to see your loved ones?"
"My loved ones are dead."
Jaynix narrowed her eye, a steady burn giving off a familiar glow.
"My father. My wife. My family. I…"
Just like that, it was gone. Replaced by that empty shell.
"I have nothing.
"You have me, Jaynix."
Neither woman said anything more, Jaynix returning to her silence as she always does while Elma closed her eyes and thought of how best to approach this. Jaynix had no desire to leave her Purgatory. Despite the pain it brought to the forefront of her mind, she couldn't part with it. She believed she deserved this punishment. Even after four years, the horrors she experienced weren't enough.
"I believed for four years that you were still alive, Jaynix...but I never put the thought into what your condition was until recently. For that, I'm sorry."
Jaynix said nothing.
"You're still here, still surviving. Is that part of your punishment as well?"
Jaynix stared at Elma, long and hard before reaching into her cloak and pulling out a pistol. Elma felt herself tense up as Jaynix ran a hand along the weapon. Looking up at Elma, she gestured at the pistol.
"I've tried, Elma. I've tried more times than I can count."
Elma's blood ran cold as Jaynix turned the gun on herself.
"I want it. I want it so bad it hurts."
Elma didn't want to risk saying anything. She waited, her heart threatening to burst as Jaynix pulled the gun away and returned it to her cloak.
"I don't deserve it...no matter what happens. Death isn't a punishment. It's an escape I don't deserve."
Elma wanted to ask for the pistol, she wanted to take it away from Jaynix. She wanted to do so many things but the thought of Jaynix carrying that weapon around with one purpose cast a fear over Elma that froze her in place.
Jaynix stood up and moved away, a distant crack of thunder signaling the arrival of the rainstorm. Elma felt her body loosen up, allowing her to stand and follow Jaynix.
The walk through the jungle was filled with a new tension Elma had not expected. How a small firearm could suddenly take over all of her thoughts was...frightening. She recalled their fight. Jaynix only used her blade in that battle, no other sidearms yet she had one on her the entire time.
The fact that she didn't use it combined with her own admission caused a new line of thoughts and fears to fill Elma's mind. The image of Jaynix turning the weapon on herself would haunt her for a long time, this Elma knew.
Doing her best to focus on following Jaynix, Elma pushed the thoughts aside. It didn't work as much as she had hoped it would but it was a start. The walk wasn't long but it felt like it never ended.
Jaynix came to a stop at a deep chasm cutting through the jungle floor. Elma stood next to her, looking down into the depths, she remembered seeing these crisscrossing the jungle from above, up close they were far deeper than they seemed to be from the skies.
Turning to look at Jaynix, she once more found the other woman looking elsewhere. After a few moments, Jaynix began descending the cliff face with ease before dropping down to a rocky ledge.
Following her, Elma found that the ledge led to an opening which went farther into the cliffside, a cavern. Rain started to fall just as the women reached their destination. Jaynix turned to watch the downpour for a few seconds. Nothing was reflected in her eye.
Elma stood next to her in silence, the harsh rain and whipping winds drowning out any words she thought to say and the mental image of that lone pistol prevented her from coming up with anything...sensible.
Not long after that Jaynix moved farther into the cave, Elma followed quickly, glancing at the cavern floor to see a gathering of woods and weeds.
Jaynix approached the old greenery and lit a fire as the rain continued to drown the jungle outside. Elma sat down across from Jaynix, watching the flames reflected in Jaynix's eye.
Elma found herself studying Jaynix as she couldn't help but do. She needed to determine more about Jaynix's state and the only way to do that was to watch her and see how she acted. Yet the moments of familiarity, recognition and emotions were rare, Jaynix wore a blank stare at nearly every opportunity.
Jaynix's lips moved but Elma heard nothing. Whether she was speaking to her or no one at all, Elma couldn't tell. Clearing her throat, Elma began.
"I know you don't want to have this conversation but-"
Jaynix looked at Elma, cutting her sentence off with that one glance. Sighing, Elma tried again.
"You may not think NLA is your home but this place? This Purgatory? It isn't either. I want to bring you to a place that can become your home. A place full of people who love you. Like I do. So, I'll say it as many times as you need to hear it, I'm not leaving without you."
Elma fell silent, waiting for Jaynix's response. The Reaper glanced into the depths of the cavern, narrowing her eye. She didn't look back at Elma as she spoke.
"You found me. You know where I am."
Turning, Jaynix stared at Elma.
"You can come back anytime you wish."
Jaynix brought one of her hands up and held up a single finger.
"As long as you tell no one about me."
Elma's eyes widened.
"You can't expect me to go back home and tell them that I couldn't find you or worse, tell them that you're dead!"
Jaynix looked away.
"I can't do that. I won't do that! Jaynix-"
The Reaper's hand shot out, striking the small fire, scattering the wood and weeds across the cave floor as the embers died out.
"What do you want from me?"
Standing, Jaynix drew her blade forcing Elma to stand as well. Her voice grew loud and strong, echoing off the cavern walls as she screamed.
"What do you want!?"
Elma took a deep breath.
"What do you want, Jaynix?"
There was fury in her eye as she surged forward, palm striking Elma's chest and pushing her into the cave wall. Elma placed her hands against the wall, holding herself up as Jaynix jammed her arm into Elma's throat. Moving closer to her face, Jaynix spoke, her voice low.
"I want to die. I want something, someone, anything to strike me down because I'm too much of a coward to blow my own brains out. I just want this all to stop!"
Jaynix clenched her teeth, holding herself together as best as she could.
"I want the pain to stop."
Jaynix's eye searched Elma's face, finding pity, heartbreak and sadness. Concern and love. Emotions that Jaynix refused to acknowledge anymore. They were all things she didn't deserve.
Letting out a heavy and shaky sigh, Jaynix whispered.
"Leave me alone."
That wasn't aimed at Elma. The tone of voice was...different. Elma didn't want to risk saying anything while Jaynix's blade was drawn, so she waited.
"Stop offering me a way out. I don't deserve it."
Jaynix released Elma then turned and walked farther into the cave. Sheathing her blade, she brought that hand up to her covered eye, pressing against the fabric.
Elma massaged her neck as she gathered her thoughts.
"Jaynix. I don't want to push you. I don't want to force you. You're in no position for any of that but I'm just...I'm desperate."
Elma sighed.
"I've apologized to you so much since I found you but it's not enough. I just…I want to do everything I can to hold onto you. It's not my intention to bring you more pain. That's the last thing I want."
Lowering herself to the cave floor, Elma fell silent. Jaynix didn't move from the spot she was standing and gave no indication that she heard what Elma said.
The rains, winds and thunder took over. Neither woman shared any more words as the rainstorm continued to fall upon the jungle.
September 23rd, 2060
Early the next morning, something that sounded like a savage snap woke Elma up. She was alone in the cave and the sounds were coming from above. Exiting the cavern and making her way up the cliff, Elma saw Jaynix exercising, this time she was barehanded striking the sturdy trunks of the massive jungle trees.
Every blow caused those snaps to ring out, splinters of bark being torn off the trees and falling to the ground after each strike. Elma noticed several other collapsed trees near Jaynix as she delivered a blow just like the one the night of their fight, her fist punching clean through the tree. Tearing her hand free from the trunk caused it to snap in two, the tree collapsed as many of its brethren had before it.
Once more, there was a noticeable difference between Jaynix's excited and focused blows to the punching bags aboard the White Whale and her wild, feral strikes to the trees now.
Elma wanted to try again, to convince Jaynix to come home but she did not want to startle Jaynix. Not again. She stood in silence watching the brutal display of strength.
Elma needed more time to think. She needed to find some way for Jaynix to believe her. She was the only connection the Reaper believed she had. But there were more. There had to be a way.
Leaving the chasm, Elma returned to the camp. Gathering her gear, she looked through it all until she found her datapad. Turning it on she began browsing the assorted files until she found the stories and reports from the last four years. She had no doubt there was something here that could give Jaynix something else to hope for, something else to look to. Something beyond the pain.
Scrolling through all the stories she found the logs about the regions of Mira, specifically about the ones discovered after the First Ganglion Conflict. Ostium, Rendaelum and Errdia. At that moment, something so obvious presented itself to Elma, she wanted to kick herself for not considering it first.
However, the more she thought about it, the more she realized why it could be as bad an idea as it was a good one. In the end, she wanted Jaynix to come with her because she wants to. It has to be willing. If anyone is going to make the first decision on how to live their life moving forward, it should be the person themselves.
Elma began writing something down in silence, waiting for Jaynix to return.
"What were your parents like?"
Elma raised an eyebrow, leaning her head back to look at Jaynix.
"Pardon?"
On their other side, Lyla laughed. The three women were lying on the ground of the park in Noah's Cradle. They had finished their meal and elected to relax for a while. Every so often they would speak but much of the afternoon was spent in silence, until now.
"I just never asked. I've always been curious but wasn't sure how to go about...asking."
"And so you just asked?"
Lyla said, laughter in her voice. Jaynix could only shrug.
"You know about my parents, Sonja and Maxwell Copeland. They're the best."
Jaynix smiled as Lyla let out a long sigh.
"I don't think she knows about mine yet. Donald and Aya Richards. They're great too."
Elma sighed, she wasn't sure how to start this conversation or rather, how to continue it.
"Never mind, Elma. Maybe it's too private.
"No, Jaynix. It's not that...it's a...hard subject."
The women fell silent as Elma tried to find a way to talk about it. A simple, straightforward way.
"My mother's name was Iina and my father Osae...they…"
Elma closed her eyes, seeing their faces for the first time in decades.
"They were...hopeful…"
Jaynix and Lyla were silent. Elma wasn't sure how long that silence stretched on.
"There were a great many things they wanted to do, they believed they could do to help...everyone. They gave their all for their dreams...and I've spent my life wanting nothing more than to see their work through. It's a hard task but I have no intention of giving up. I can't."
Opening her eyes, Elma felt a faint smile on her lips.
"Family is important…there are few things that grant you strength than a parent or a sibling. Blood is blood."
Lyla whispered.
"That's something I can understand, Elma. Flame could too, I'm sure. It's why she and I work so hard. For our parents."
Elma looked to Jaynix and Lyla, nodding.
"Thank you."
Jaynix smiled.
"Don't mention it. Iina and Osae. This may not mean much from someone you've never met but...I believe you're daughter is succeeding. I know she is."
Elma had no words, closing her eyes and whispering a silent thank you.
Jaynix returned to her camp, sitting on the same log as always. Her gaze was focused on her hands, the one that still had skin was wrapped in cloth. The cloth was badly torn up by the impacts against the trees and the knuckles were bruised. Then there was her mechanical hand, in the light of the morning there was more visible damage to it, scuff marks along the plating and surface as well as visible cracks. Yet despite the state of her hands, the look in Jaynix's eye showed that she didn't care.
Elma continued to watch her in silence, waiting. Elma prepared to speak when Jaynix looked elsewhere, she seemed agitated by something but there was nothing around.
Sighing, Jaynix returned to her now default expression, tired and blank. Elma stood up and moved closer to her, noting that Jaynix in response moved away ever so slightly.
"You don't want to go back to NLA, that's...I'm not exactly happy about it but I can't push you to go there. Everyone will recognize you, you'll be subject to so much attention and if I've learned anything these last few days...that's not something you're ready for…"
Jaynix looked at Elma as she took a deep breath.
"That's fine. As sad as it makes me I know that I have to accept it."
Elma tapped her fingers along her datapad.
"In that case, there is somewhere else we can go."
"Elma-"
"Listen to me. Please."
Jaynix fell silent.
"I'm...I wish I could just take you home but I know that I have to respect you above all else. So I will...that said there is something you have to see. You have the Phantom cloak, you can wear that and hide yourself, that's fine. You don't have to speak with anyone or be around anyone. I simply want you to come with me to see something."
Jaynix, for the first time since Elma found her, displayed genuine confusion.
"What is it that you want me to see?"
"I can't tell you. I know it's not a lot but...if I told you, I know you won't trust my words."
"Elma-"
"It's fine."
Elma smiled.
"It's fine. I'm not offended or angry or anything. I just want you to give me this one chance...I will say however, the journey to where I want to go is going to be long. Complicated. After what happened the other night, I imagine you aren't too keen on...flying there."
Jaynix looked away, not offering a response which was all the information that Elma needed.
"We can stay here. For as long as you want to or until I can convince you to come back to NLA which I doubt will happen anytime soon...or we can go somewhere and you can keep your anonymity."
Jaynix stared at Elma long and hard. Her attention moved away from Elma, her lips began to form some sort of answer but no sound escaped.
"I'm not forcing you to decide now. All I want is for you to know that what happens from this point on is up to you. This is about what you want."
Jaynix shook her head.
"If I told you I was going to stay here...would you?"
"Yes."
"Even if it was for another four years?"
Elma nodded.
"I don't believe you."
With a sigh, Elma looked around the camp.
"Purgatory or not, if I'm here, I'm with you. That's all I wanted."
Jaynix looked away, shaking her head.
"We both know I'm not worth it."
Elma smiled.
"You are worth it. I've told you before, I love you, Jaynix. I'm not going to leave you alone to suffer."
"What if that's what I want?"
"If you wanted to suffer and die alone, you would have killed me without a second thought. No matter what I said to you that night, if all you believed in was pain you would have struck me down. I'm still here, there is some small part of you that wants something else. Something…"
Elma heard his voice then.
"Something more…"
In that moment, she saw the Jaynix she knew from Earth. Familiarity and realization in her eye, she repeated the sentiment. Quiet and breathless almost as if she said nothing at all.
The pair fell silent, Elma realizing she may have given too much away. Jaynix didn't make that connection however, at least not yet. She recognized the words but didn't comment on them. Closing her eye, lost in thought.
"Take as much time as you need, Jaynix. Until then...I have some stories I can share with you about everyone else back home. If you're at least interested in hearing about how they're doing."
Jaynix looked to Elma.
"We've all been through hard times. All of us. These last four years showed no mercy to anyone. Maybe you can relate to their struggles...no, I know you can."
"I don't…"
Jaynix looked away, focusing on her injured knuckles. She let out a heavy sigh before closing her eye.
"Anything you want. Anything you ask. I'll do it, Jaynix. I promise."
There was a long silence, a calm wind passed through the jungle. Jaynix opened her eye slowly, not looking at Elma as she asked.
"Are you sure you won't live to regret that promise?"
Elma smiled.
"I won't."
Jaynix turned to her then and studied her for a long while, contemplating. Once more, Elma watched as Jaynix's gaze traveled elsewhere, she watched that twitch in her eye for several moments. Casting one more look at Elma, Jaynix stood and began walking away.
Elma made a move to follow when Jaynix came to a brief stop.
"For now...I'm not making any decisions."
"That's fine."
Jaynix opened her mouth to say something else before sighing. Elma remained seated as Jaynix walked away, disappearing into the dense trees and foliage.
Elma looked down at her datapad on which she had started outlining their possible routes. Whether Jaynix came around or not, Elma wanted to be prepared.
She needed a day to accurately simulate where they were on the planet but simply based on her assumptions the road that she laid out before them was long and arduous. A trial unlike anything they've done before but Elma knew Jaynix could rise to the occasion and surpass it...all she needed was to convince Jaynix that she had that strength in her. Deep inside.
She wasn't empty. She wasn't a monster.
She is Jaynix.
Taking a deep breath, Elma stood up and walked after Jaynix, disappearing into the trees.
