Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Author's Note I: This note should've come in the last chapter but I was honestly so psyched to FINALLY update that it was all I could do to just upload and sigh with relief. I know it's been ages since this was updated regularly. Like, people were born and potty trained and started school in all the time I haven't updated. Horrible. I'm sorry. Nothing bad happened, the opposite in fact. Life is good. I had major job changes with ever increasing responsibilities. Relationships. KIDS (they're great but fuck they drain everything out of you). You know, life. In addition to that, for a while I felt I had written myself into a corner and I couldn't think my way out of it. Luckily this has changed. While I will not promise you anything (I don't want to guilt myself to death if I can't keep to a regular update schedule) I can say that in the last couple of months I've managed to flesh out the remainder of the story enough that I feel good about proceeding again. There is an endgame. There is a resolution for every character. I have no idea how many more chapters it will take. I have no idea if we're in the 1st or 2nd half right now. But there is a plan. And I can't wait to weave my 45 pages of notes (yeeesh!) into finishing this story. I'm so grateful for all of you. Those of you who have waited 6 years between chapter 81 and 82, ugh I feel terrible that you've had to wait so long. I hope you won't have to do that again.

Author's Note II: Soundtrack for this chapter is "Life and Death" by Paul Cardall.


oooooooo

Edward heard their thoughts before the smell overpowered his senses. He paused to make sense of the jumble in their minds before shouting for Carlisle. The thoughts he heard painted a grotesque picture, and he tried to frantically explain to Carlisle what he had yet to see with his own eyes. Christ...

"No," he told Carlisle when he made for the front door. "You need to get the equipment ready. It's bad."

Carlisle nodded at his son and bolted upstairs to the library that served as their makeshift hospital room in dicey situations. From the ashen look on his son's face, this may be the diciest one yet.

Edward quickly opened the door before the party crashed into it. Bella and Jacob ran up the stairs with the malformed creature floating in front of them, not bothering to exchange pleasantries. No one tried to stop them. Instead, they turned to Leah and Seth, the latter of whom sagged to the ground and burst into tears.

"What happened?" Alice asked while Jasper ran to the kitchen and back with bottled water for the two. Esme tentatively took a step forward and when neither of the Quileutes reacted, sat next to Seth and took him into her arms.

Leah shuddered and explained.

Edward, who heard more vividly than the others thanks to his intrusive gift, listened to Leah go over everything starting with Jacob and Bella's fact finding mission in La Push all the way to the disastrous encounter with the nomads and the La Push pack.

It took several moments for him to register what she had said. Bella killed Laurent. Bella killed Laurent.

Bella killed Laurent.

Seth looked up at Esme. "Will Quil be ok?" He asked in a small voice.

Esme opened and closed her mouth. "I don't know," she finally said sadly. "Carlisle will do everything he can, I promise."

The four vampires shared a quick look when both the wolves had their heads turned down. They all saw the state of Quil's body. The venom has been in his system for at least an hour. If the venom hasn't forced the wolf to revert back to human form, how on earth would they coerce the boy?

Edward suddenly visibly stiffend and looked himself ready to vomit.

Quil was screaming upstairs. Screaming not from his half changed mouth but in his head and now in Edward's too.

"God..." he whispered. Somehow, though he personally witnessed Rosalie and Emmett's painful transformations, the agony upstairs playing in his mind and his mind alone was far worse. He turned on his feet and ran to his room to try to drown out the screams with music.


oooooooo

3 Days Later:

Carlisle sat in his chair, his head in his hands as he tried in vain to think of something else to try. The last three days had slowed to a crawl while he researched, prodded, and injected the young man in an attempt to get through to him.

Nothing worked.

Quil teeter-tottered between silent anguish that sent his heart rate soaring to unconsciousness that seemed blessedly pain-free for the child.

The problem was ultimately a question of communication. The boy couldn't hear them through the white hot pain of the combined vampire and stalled wolf transformations. Not when they shouted at the top of their lungs. Not when his alpha commanded him in his russet wolf form. Not with any sedative, stimulant, or the various experimental drugs Carlisle happened to have on hand in the house. It was like the boy was frozen in time despite the venom coursing through one vein after the other. The venom is supposed to repair the body, improve every function and even heal it. Carlisle's enhanced eyes could see these effects on the few spots that retained their human shape, namely his extremities and parts of his torso. The rest of him however appeared tipped in favor of the wolf, and those parts were not changing at all.

"I don't know what else to do," he admitted.

"You're giving up?" Jacob pleaded. "No, please. You can't!"

Jacob, who had slept in fitfuls here and there in the last three days, stood from his makeshift bed by Bella's. Jacob had refused to leave Quil's side and Bella wouldn't leave Jacob's.

"I don't know what else to do," said Carlisle again. "We've tried everything. We-"

He stopped because at that moment Jacob shifted. Bel la, who had seen this play out a dozen times since they brought Quil to the house, sat back and looked away. In his wolf form, Jacob would try again and again to get through to Quil. Though by this point he knew it was futile, Carlisle couldn't find fault with Jacob's reasoning. The alpha voice was theoretically the best tool they had to force Quil to complete his wolf shift. That was the hope anyway. Compel him to complete the shift then compel him to shift back to human while his body was capable of change. But it didn't work. Over and over, Jacob tried. Leah and Seth tried to help too in case it was a matter of strength in numbers. None of it worked. Each time, the wolves phased back with ever dwindling hope, their minds drained from the deluge coming from Quil's.

He caught Bella's eye on the clock in the corner and knew she was thinking the same thing he was.

Quil was running out of time.

Three days. Give or take. That's how long it takes the venom to complete its journey and transform human to vampire. The chime on the clock indicated the passing of another hour. He knew Bella was making mental calculations just as he was. Four hours left. If they were lucky.

Carlisle was a doctor and he swore an oath to do no harm. Yet even he understood that the most ardent pro-lifer would think twice on the definition of "harm". In four hours, Quil would wake up. What would he awaken to?


oooooooo

Bella sat in the passenger seat of Rosalie's favorite Mercedes, waiting. The sun had risen an hour ago and one could be forgiven for admiring the forest's beauty. She breathed in the clean air. Breathed in Rosalie's scent which for some reason was stronger here than anywhere else in the house. And she waited.

It could've been 10 minutes or it could've been an hour. She was tired enough that she knew she had drifted in and out without ceremony over the last three days. Enveloped by Rosalie's scent, she nodded off then woke up abruptly to find Edward in the car with her.

"Sorry," he whispered. "I didn't mean to startle you."

Sure. She took in a few mouthfuls of air to calm her pounding heart.

"I'm sorry," he said again. "It's just a little easier outside."

Bella nodded, instantly understanding. Of everyone in the house, Edward had taken the lion's share of the misery that was Quil Aetera. Jacob, Leah and Seth phased many times and tried in vain to guide him to lucidity. During those shifts, they suffered the oft-times incoherent, oft-times horribly coherent screams of a tortured and confused child. But at least when they shifted back, the sound didn't follow.

Not so for Edward.

Save for a few precious quiet hours during which Quil lost consciousness, Edward heard everything. Three days of near constant cacophony in his head-Bella was truthfully shocked he stayed.

"They're making their decision now," he said.

She nodded. She already knew that of course. The rest of the Cullens had also vacated. They didn't go far, just far enough to give the humans privacy. Jacob, Leah and Seth were huddled together inside deciding what they would do with Quil. It was why she too opted to leave the house. She didn't feel right listening, nor even being in the same space. No, the pack was making the hardest decision anyone could make and she had no business being a part of it. Not when she shouldered some of the blame.

Something of her thoughts must have shown on her face.

"None of this should've happened."

She laughed bitterly. "Yea, I'm aware I fucked up."

"You did," he said. "And however this turns out, you had a hand in ruining that kid's life."

Bella's nose flared unintentionally. Her hands balled into fists as she stared hard out the windshield.

Edward turned from her and chose to watch the house instead. He sighed. "So did I, regrettably."

"What?" said Bella, unable to hide the surprise from her voice.

"She played me," he said softly. "I think she knew I was spying on her. That I would feed you everything I learned from her. She knew you'd come. Don't you see? She has all the evidence she needs to damn this family. She has a first hand account of you killing a vampire now."

Laurent's pupils, wide with fear and pain, flashed before her own waking eyes.

"She didn't see it," she whispered. "No one did."

He shrugged. "She saw enough. No matter, I should've known. Instead I grasped at the first thing that seemed plausible so I could get the hell out of there. And now that kid..."

Bella said nothing. Instead she watched piece after piece of Laurent's flesh rip off his body, sizzle and burn. She swallowed hard and wondered if her heart was giving her away.

"I'm going to find her," said Edward.

She turned again, startled. "What? You don't need to do that. Your cover is blown!"

He shook his head. "I don't want to spy on her, Bella. I want to kill her."

"Edward, you said it yourself. Her gift keeps her safe. What makes you think you can catch her?"

He closed his eyes and shuddered. Bella had almost forgotten-this entire conversation had a background sympany for him. Quil was still screaming like a banshee.

"I have a gift too," he said as he gritted his teeth. "I'll find her. And I'll kill her."

His murderous glare softened abruptly and he turned back to the house.

"They've decided."


oooooooo

The densest person on earth would've known exactly what was about to happen. Bella had only to glance for a moment at Jacob, Leah or Seth for their decision to be clear.

Quil Aetera would not see another sunrise.

How could he? He was a literal Frankenstein with no hope of acceptance in the real world. La Push would never take him. He couldn't mix with humans. If the venom finished the job, they would be condemning him to an eternity of hell. In the end, that's not a life Jacob, Leah or Seth would choose for themselves. They had to trust that a lucid Quil would agree.

Not that it made what they had to do any easier.

Ever the gracious host, Carlisle was the first to volunteer before he was quickly shot down by all three wolves.

"No," Leah reminded him. "The treaty."

Of course. Though La Push washed its hands clean of Quil Aetera, none of them were under the impression that the pack wouldn't declare the treaty null and void if a Cullen were to put him out of his misery.

"I'll do it," said Jacob. "Bella, would you...can you move him please?"

She nodded and gently brought him down the stairs, through the house and out the door.

Walking a step behind Jacob, she watched him, mind lost in this awful thing he was about to do. Quil had mercifully lost consciousness again, though Bella suspected Carlisle may have given him an extra large dose of morphine. They walked slowly but surely through the forest until they arrived at a stream and Bella gently lowered him to the ground.

It was the stream where she first met Emmett.

She swallowed and took in her friend once again. Jacob had never killed, she knew. He was unspoiled, and maybe it was a desire to keep him from irreversibly tainting himself that compelled Bella to blurt out-

"I can do it, Jake."

Her ledger had already increased this week. What's another number if it meant stopping Jake from adding a friend to his?

"I can do it," she repeated softly. "I'll make it quick."

He really seemed to consider it. Bella could tell he desperately wanted to take the out she was offering. But she knew before he opened his mouth that he would decline.

"I'm his Alpha, Bella. Thank you...but I need to do this."

Nodding, she turned and spotted Leah and Seth making their way down from the house. When they made it to Jacob, he predictably tried to dismiss them but Leah shook her head.

"We're his pack too," she reminded him. "We want to be with him."

A brief pause but Jacob acquiesced, grateful, Bella knew, that he needn't be alone.

It was time for her to go. She picked a direction and started to walk.


oooooooo

There was no point busying herself with client emails or cooking or laundry. Unless she left the house and ran in the opposite direction, there was no hiding from what was happening by the stream.

That stream...how their lives have changed since they heard Bella's voice wafting through their window a year...my goodness a year and a half ago. To have so much change in so little time following nearly a century of stillness...and all because of one young girl.

Somehow without any gifts of her own, Esme sensed that she was needed elsewhere. She signaled to Carlisle and, as though he too were eager to be anywhere else, followed her in the direction where Bella had taken off.


oooooooo

She was still walking when they caught up with her. Only when Esme laced her hand in hers did she stop.

Esme took in the tear-soaked face in front of her before gathering her into her arms.

"Oh honey," she said. "Come on..."

They sat on either side of her on the forest floor. Esme would be lying if she said part of her wasn't worried the girl would run for it. Come to think of it, they'd seen so little of her since Rosalie left...

"Bella," Carlisle said. "What happened over there?"

She told them, but Esme wasn't stupid. Her version of events did not deviate far from what Leah had already shared. She was holding something back.

Nevertheless when she finished, Carlisle leaned forward and said, "we'll make contingencies in case we need to leave on short notice. Contingencies for you, Bella," he added at her stare. "In case we all need to go."

Esme thought that was the end of that, but Bella as usual surprised them.

"I...I wouldn't go," she said.

"What?"

Bella looked at her lap and continued. "Look, if Rose...if Rosalie doesn't come back-"

"Then that petulant child will have me to answer to!" Esme exclaimed.

"You shouldn't tie yourself to me. It's too dangerous."

"Bella-"

"No, please!" The tears streamed freely down her face now. "I've brought you nothing but trouble. I didn't listen to you and look at what happened. I'm so sorry."

Carlisle signed. "Yes, you should've come to us, Bella. But you didn't do this to the boy. Victoria did."

"Because of me," she countered. "She wouldn't even be here if not for me. You know I'm right."

Esme searched for something to say but found herself unable to come up with the words. Cold logic found reason in the girls' admission. There was no doubting Victoria's obsession with Bella. Her single-minded pursuit of revenge for her dead mate was what was fueling the misery in La Push and the wilderness around Forks.

Carlisle cleared his throat. "Bella, don't dismiss what you did to Laurent. Thanks to you, there's one less nomad out there. You saved countless lives he would have taken in order to feed."

His words did not have their intended effect.

Bella did not look comforted. In fact she looked downright distraught.

"I tortured him," she whispered. "I tore him apart inch by inch. Made him watch himself burn..."

She swallowed thickly and mumbled, "I shouldn't be here..."

"Bella this is nonsense!" Esme didn't raise her voice often but she found herself rising an octave. It was paramount that she got through to her. "You know you're like a daughter to us!"

"A daughter who's tearing your family apart. Rose-"

"Rosalie is a foolish child who will soon realize what a terrible mistake she's making!"

"Is she though? Wouldn't it be better for her, for all of you, to cut your losses now? Esme you know it'll only get worse!"

God how she knew. The ticking of the clock, formerly something none of them bothered to note, now weighed heavily with each passing day. Every day was a day closer to Bella's inevitable death. How long would they have with her? With her talent for antagonizing vampires and wolves alike, Esme wasn't sure old age would be an issue.

She swallowed. "That doesn't matter," she held the girl's hands in her own and continued. "Bella we know we can't replace your parents and we wouldn't try to, but sweetie you can't reason with love. We love you. Carlisle and I-we love you just as we love our own. You have been good for us, Bella. Don't ever think differently."

"Bella, it's a testament of our love and commitment to you that we've asked you to turn," said Carlisle. "I know," he added when she started to protest, "you've made your position clear and I respect it. But you're mistaken if you think we'll turn our backs on you now. Whether or not you become a vampire, you are a part of this family for as long as you live. We will never abandon you."

"You may not have a choice," Bella whispers. "The Volturi..."

"If it comes to a fight, then so be it," Carlisle says solemnly. "We'll fight for you."

"And what if I'm the one you have to fight?"

Silence. Esme and Carlisle paused, but really they shouldn't be shocked. So this where she was leading them...

"Bella I don't think-" Carlisle started but she cut him off.

"No!" Bella stood and backed away, pacing. "It's nice that you think I'm so great and I'm going to work my hardest to be better for you, but you can't deny I'm dangerous. If it comes down to my life or yours, or my life and the safety & well being of innocent people, I need to know that you'll make the right choice."

Esme's stomach tightened. "What do you mean?" She asked slowly.

Bella straightened and looked at them both squarely. "Promise me," she said. "Promise me that you'll put me down if I go too far."

Esme and Carlisle looked at her horrorstruck. "We-"

"You're the kindest people I know," Bella said softly. "The very best. I know you wouldn't want to see innocents die if you can help them."

"Laurent was hardly innocent," Carlisle interjected.

"It's not just Laurent," Bella whispered, looking at the ground. "I was going to kill Sam. And Paul and Jared. I would've, I really would've killed them all if Jake and Leah..."

She shook her head. "They'll never win the Nobel Peace Prize but they're not monsters either. I have no right to make that call but I made it back there. And I would've..."

She looked up and met their eyes. "Please. Help me...but promise me that if you fail, you make sure I can't hurt anyone else."

Esme and Carlisle looked at each other.

"All right, Bella," Carlisle agrees while Esme nods. "You have our word."


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