Aubrey was grateful that her little white lie to Levi hadn't been a lie at all. The tea hadn't made her sick. If it had, she was sure that the thought of cleaning out her room would have her keeled over right about now.
She and Levi were standing outside her door, Aubrey's hand on the knob. She could already feel herself shaking. The thought of entering that room with the intention of uncovering all of the memories she had tried to avoid for so long… it had her in shambles.
Just when she was about to back away, to tell Levi she couldn't do it, she felt his arms slide around her waist.
"Open the door, Aubrey. I know you can."
Aubrey trembled in his grip. It just felt so… impossible.
Levi placed a kiss on her neck.
"Open it, Aubrey. I'm right here."
Her breaths were shallow and irregular. Could she do it? Could she really do it?
Levi tightened his arms around her.
"Aubrey."
Her hand twisted the knob and the door creaked open. She'd done it.
Levi kissed her neck again but didn't let go of her waist. He wasn't sure she'd be able to stay standing without his support.
Aubrey stared inside of her room. She felt like she was being transported back to that first day when she'd had to face Tika's half, knowing that her best friend would never return to it. The emptiness of the space seemed so… hopeless.
Aubrey felt Levi's lips moving across her skin and she was suddenly brought back to reality. This wasn't that first, horrible day. It had been months. And right now, things weren't hopeless. They were anything but hopeless. Levi was behind her, ready to help her move forward, to start a new life. Her mind was playing tricks on her, trying to drag up all of the trauma she'd pushed so deep down. It didn't matter. She was going to do this. She had to do this.
Little by little, Aubrey felt her own legs starting to support her again until she was fully standing on her own. She felt Levi's hands drop from her waist and instead they moved to the small of her back. He was ready when she was.
Aubrey took a deep breath. Once she stepped in there was no going back.
Finally, her foot moved forward and she walked inside.
Aubrey shuddered again when she entered. The room suddenly seemed so… small, like it was suffocating her.
She closed her eyes and focused on her breathing, repeating in her head that she could do this. Levi was right behind her, so close that she could feel the heat radiating off him. As long as he stayed there, she could do this.
Her eyes opened and she turned to him as she opened her mouth.
"There should be some empty boxes in the closet that we can use to carry things. Let's start with the dresser."
Levi nodded and hurried to find the boxes that Aubrey had referred to. After a bit of rummaging around, he found them. There weren't nearly enough to fit everything but it was a start. As long as they could get everything out the door, they could take as many trips as they needed to. It was being inside the room that caused pain.
Levi walked over to the dresser, boxes in hand. Aubrey had already opened a drawer and she had a pile of clothes in her hands ready to be put away.
Levi set a box at her feet and watched as she carefully set the clothes inside, squishing them down so there would be room for more. As soon as she'd finished with that stack she was back in the dresser, taking out as many things as she could as quickly as she could.
Levi joined her. He opened a drawer and pulled out a couple of folded shirts. He kept going, forming a pile of his own until it was big enough to put away.
They kept on but Levi halted when he heard Aubrey gasp. He whipped his head around to look at her, ready to go to her at any second. But even he froze when he saw what had caused her to stop.
In her hands she held the bloodied uniform she'd hidden way earlier that morning. It just kept coming back to haunt them.
Levi was stunned but he refused to let himself drift into the past.
Aubrey glanced up at him. He seemed to be fighting the far-off look he always took on but she could still tell he was in pain. She needed to act fast.
She pulled herself away from the dresser and carried the uniform to the trash, tossing it with a bit more force than necessary. She never wanted to see the thing again. It was time to be done with it.
As soon as it was out of sight, Aubrey turned back to Levi, seeing that he was already staring at her.
She returned his side, gently reaching for his face and forcing him to look at her.
"It's gone. Never think of it again."
Levi stared down at her. He was a bit upset that he'd allowed her to remove another of his obstacles when he'd sworn to face them himself. She always had a way of moving before he could speak up. But right now was not the time to bring it up. Right now he was entirely focused on her. What he wanted didn't matter. He'd do whatever he could to help her through.
Levi nodded, turning his head into her hand and kissing her palm.
They stayed there for a moment until Levi decided they should get back to the task at hand. He grabbed her wrists and slowly lowered them away from his face as he moved forward to place a kiss on her forehead.
"Let's finish the dresser."
Aubrey nodded and pulled back to scan his features one last time, searching for any signs of distress. Surprisingly, she saw none.
Before she could do it herself, Levi turned back to the dresser and started pulling out more clothing. After a few more seconds of observing, Aubrey joined him, hoping that they wouldn't find any more unexpected surprises.
Soon, the two of them had made their way through the whole thing and Aubrey packed in the last pile of pants. Her clothes had taken up just one box. She didn't really have many beyond what she needed. Just things for training and then a few outfits for weekends and sleeping. That was all.
Aubrey raised her eyes to Levi. He was watching her closely and she could tell that he thought she could break at any second. He was probably right.
"The desk next."
Levi nodded, grabbing an empty box and taking her hand as they moved on.
The process was much the same. Both of them worked together to empty the contents of the desk. There wasn't much in it since Levi had made her go through it all just a few weeks ago.
Next was the bed. Aubrey picked up the herbs she'd left there that morning and stuffed them in her pockets. Levi helped her strip the sheets and then they moved on.
There was only one place left to go through before she reached Tika's side of the room. The closet.
The closet would be almost as bad as Tika's half. It held all of Jack's things.
Aubrey took a shuddering breath and felt Levi take her hand again. She would need him even more for this part.
She hesitated for just a second and then moved forward, pushing into the closet and dragging out all of the boxes. She was going to go through them. She would keep all of the important things and throw out the junk. When Jack had died, Aubrey had just hastily thrown everything into boxes. She hadn't cared what it was. It was his.
But now… it was time to let go.
Aubrey opened the first box, finding that it was full of clothes. Levi sat on the ground beside her. He knew he couldn't help her with this part.
Aubrey went through each item, handing the ones she wanted to keep to Levi and placing the ones she'd get rid of to the side.
They continued that way for quite some time. Every so often, Levi would stroke her hair or kiss her cheek and Aubrey was thankful to have his touch. It kept her from breaking.
Finally, Aubrey got to the last piece and, despite the downcast atmosphere, she nearly laughed. She pulled it out and placed it in Levi's hands. His brows furrowed.
"What is this?"
Aubrey gave a small huff.
"It's a cravat."
Levi arched an eyebrow.
"What?"
Aubrey smiled at him and took it back.
"Here."
She reached for his collar and tucked the cloth haphazardly into his shirt. It definitely wasn't the right way to wear it, but he'd get the idea.
Levi looked back up at her.
"Why did he have this?"
Aubrey was surprised when she chuckled instead of sobbed.
"He wore it when we needed to dress up. Ya know, when important Military people would come by, at our graduation ceremony. That kind of stuff."
Aubrey smiled again.
"You keep it. It looks good on you."
She wiggled her eyebrows at him and Levi scoffed. He put it in the box of things they'd take with them.
Aubrey moved on to the next box and went through it quickly. It contained more miscellaneous items. There were plenty of letters he'd never sent out, candles he'd never used, a few books with the bookmarks still in them. Aubrey tossed all but one of the letters. She wanted to be able to remember his handwriting. All of the candles went to the trash but Aubrey couldn't bring herself to part with the books. They'd need some on their giant bookshelves anyway.
Things carried on like that until Aubrey finally put the last item in Levi's hands.
She stared at the empty boxes in front of her. Maybe now they'd have enough to actually pack away all of her stuff. She couldn't believe she'd gotten through it without breaking.
Levi took her arm and pulled her into his lap. He kissed her hair and wrapped an arm around her waist. He hoped it helped.
Aubrey leaned into him and let out a long breath. Now would come the really hard part. Jack's things had already been moved and put away in her closet months ago. Tika's things, though… they were still exactly where she'd left them. That meant that packing them away would be more than hard… it would be excruciating.
Aubrey moved out of Levi's lap and shakily stood. He held her steady before rising beside her.
Both of them turned their attention to the side of the room that they had yet to touch.
Aubrey reached for Levi and his hand instantly found hers.
"Where do you want to start?" Levi's words were barely above a whisper.
Aubrey took a deep breath.
"The dresser."
Levi nodded but waited for Aubrey to move first. He'd stay still until she was ready.
Aubrey glanced over at him and hesitated for just a second before walking forward. She wanted to get it over with. Stalling would only make things worse.
Levi stayed close and when they reached the dresser he squeezed her hand and sent her an encouraging glance. Aubrey looked at him one last time, trying to remember that the pain would be worth it in the end. When all of this was over, she would have Levi to help her heal.
Before she could think too hard, Aubrey yanked open the top drawer of the dresser. The room was dead silent as Aubrey examined the items in front of her. Her mind flashed back over and over and over again to days she'd seen Tika wearing every piece.
Aubrey felt the tears coming on again and she stifled a sob as she reached for a shirt. Just looking at it was causing crushing waves of anguish to wash over her.
Levi reached for her, pulling her forehead to his lips as she looked down at the clothing in her grip.
Levi moved his hand from her head to the shirt.
"Keep or leave?"
He knew that allowing Aubrey to think too much would only cause her more pain. He wanted her to face this but he still wanted her to be whole when she finished.
Aubrey met his eyes and was suddenly very grateful that he'd interrupted her thoughts. She'd been going down a dark path.
"Keep." Her voice was rough and low and Levi could easily tell how much she was hurting.
He placed another kiss on her forehead and took the garment from her hands, placing it in a box.
Aubrey reached for another and another and another and every time the action was much the same. Her mind would take her back, bringing up memory after memory and then Levi would bring her back, asking if she wanted to keep it or leave it.
Aubrey could barely ever bring herself to say 'leave' but she forced herself to get rid of the garments that weren't connected to any particularly special memories.
By the time they finished, Aubrey wasn't sure if they'd been standing there for minutes or hours. Both seemed plausible.
When she handed the last piece over to Levi, she let out a shaky breath. They only had the closet, the bed, and the desk left.
The closet wouldn't take long. Just like herself, Aubrey knew that Tika hadn't had excess clothing. There wasn't really anything she could have put in there. The bed just needed to have the sheets stripped. The desk on the other hand… Aubrey had no idea what would be in there.
Levi's lips on her forehead brought her back to the present once again and she looked up at him.
"What next?"
Aubrey shuddered. She'd get the closet over and done with. She needed a break after the dresser.
"Closet."
Levi nodded.
Aubrey hesitantly opened the door and was relieved to see that there were just a couple sets of extra straps and a couple pairs of boots. Aubrey discarded all of them.
When Levi saw that she'd finished there, he moved them to the bed, quickly taking off the bedding that had sat for so long.
Finally, Aubrey's eyes moved to the desk. She swallowed. This would be the most difficult part.
She turned to Levi and easily found the support she was looking for in his eyes. It seemed like he could read her mind.
This time, Aubrey approached the desk alone. She wanted to spare Levi her initial expression.
Her fingers wrapped around the handle of the top drawer and she almost felt as if she wouldn't be physically strong enough to open it. But, with one last surge of willpower, Aubrey ripped it open and her eyes landed on its contents.
The first thing she noticed was how… mundane it was. There were a few scraps of paper near the top with writing on them. Aubrey picked one up, slowly bringing it closer.
"Do laundry"
Aubrey picked up another.
"Training at six on Wednesday"
And another.
"Clean 3DMG"
They were notes, little reminders Tika had left for herself. Aubrey didn't recall her having such a habit. Maybe Tika had been embarrassed that she couldn't remember to do the laundry without a reminder.
Aubrey shuffled through the rest of the drawer. She found a few quills, some ink, the odd hair pin, and a couple pieces of precious candy tucked into the corner. She gave a sad smile. Tika had always had a sweet tooth.
Aubrey could feel Levi's presence behind her but he stayed back. Perhaps he could sense that she wanted to do this part alone.
Aubrey moved on to the next drawer. She found more of the same. Notes and scraps and other things that had little importance. Aubrey sighed when she finally emptied the drawer. She only had one to go. Maybe the desk wouldn't be as bad as she'd thought.
Aubrey pulled open the last drawer but was surprised to see that it only held one thing. There was a small, leather-bound notebook sitting all alone. Aubrey would recognize it anywhere. It was Tika's diary.
Aubrey felt herself starting to tremble again as she picked it up. She wasn't sure what she would find inside but, whatever it was, she was sure it would bring back the past.
"Levi."
He was at her side in a second.
Aubrey grabbed his arm and wrapped it around her. She'd need him in order to get through this part. Levi didn't hesitate to hold her tightly.
Aubrey took another shaky breath and, with a tender touch, she opened the diary.
Most of what was written was just Tika's account of the days. A lot of it was dedicated to their time in the Training Corps but as Aubrey moved further and further into the book, she eventually came upon Tika's take on their Choosing Ceremony. The entry was rather short and briefly touched on her choice to join the Scouts. Aubrey guessed that she'd probably been too scared to write much that day.
Aubrey pushed on, reliving the days before her friends' deaths. It tore her heart to pieces.
Finally, Aubrey realized that the next page would be the last. Aubrey saw the book start to tremble and she realized that she was no longer able to hold it still. But, just as soon as the shaking had started, it stopped. Aubrey looked to see that Levi had placed a hand over hers, steadying the diary.
She pressed into him and then, after one last pause, she turned the page.
For a moment, Aubrey couldn't even read. The letters were just an incomprehensible blur. But then her mind began to clear and she could see the words forming.
Aubrey glanced at Levi, searching for one last bit of comfort.
He nodded at her, a strong look in his eyes. He was ready to help her through anything.
Slowly, Aubrey returned her eyes to the page.
"(Y/N is stressed about the expedition. She's writhing around in her sleep again. One time she even screamed. She hasn't done that since we first joined the Training Corps. I wish I could tell her that everything will be okay but… I'm not an idiot. I know the survival rates on expeditions. I just hope she doesn't blame herself should something happen to me. Or to Jack. Neither of us want that. I keep wanting to tell her how I feel but I know she wouldn't accept it. I think she refuses to believe something could go wrong. So, I'll settle for just telling her how much I love her. If she knows that, I'll be able to go out there with no regrets. She's been a sister to me and… I hope that, no matter what happens, she finds peace one day. With or without me."
For a moment, Aubrey couldn't react. Her eyes scanned the words over and over again until, finally, the first twinge of emotion set in.
Aubrey's hands gripped the paper so tightly that she was surprised it didn't rip.
A tear slid down her cheek. Then another. And another. Soon, she was sobbing in silence. She was holding the last piece of her friend she had.
Aubrey felt like her heart was breaking all over again. The agony was almost too much to bear.
Her cries remained silent, but inside Aubrey could feel herself being ripped to shreds. She was breaking.
Except, this time, she had someone to sew her back together.
Aubrey felt Levi's hands on her cheeks, wiping away the tears. His touch was gentle yet firm and it was just enough to keep Aubrey from completely shattering.
Just a second later. Levi wrapped his arms around her once again and he lowered them both to the floor. He pulled her close and his lips hit hers.
At first, Aubrey couldn't respond. She was still too lost. Levi didn't seem to mind. He kept kissing her, his hands sliding all over her body.
Eventually, Aubrey began to find some comfort in his touches. They were the only relief she had from the overwhelming pain. Slowly, her lips started to move with his.
Levi recognized her return immediately. His hand traveled to her jaw and he kissed her with a bit more force. Aubrey answered his intensity and soon her fingers had found his face, trailing lightly across his skin.
Levi's closeness started to dry her tears. The pain was still raging but with every touch of his lips, she could feel her heart piecing itself back together. This wasn't like the last time she'd dealt with her friends' deaths. Back then she'd had nothing, no one. Now she had the one person she knew was capable of keeping her complete for the rest of her life.
Aubrey sat with him on the floor of the room that had torn her apart time and time again… and felt him put her back together.
After minutes of Levi's constant touch, Aubrey finally knew she could support herself. She pulled away from his lips and buried herself in his chest while she caught her breath. Once again, Levi had managed to save her.
Seconds ticked by and after a great deal of breathing, Aubrey raised her eyes to Levi's. She couldn't express to him what he'd just done for her, how his presence had saved her. But, from the look he was giving her, she didn't think she needed to.
Aubrey glanced around the room one more time. For the first time in forever, it was empty. Everything in it had been packed away into the boxes and now there was nothing left but dust. It was over. She'd done it.
Aubrey turned her attention to the diary. It was laying on the floor next to her. She didn't remember when she'd dropped it. She must have lost herself in the frenzy.
Aubrey picked it up, flipped it open, and placed Tika's final note back in its resting place. She'd never get rid of the diary but, for now, it was time to set it aside. It was time to look to the future, not the past.
Aubrey set the book in their box of things to keep and then turned back to Levi. He'd helped her through her pain, now it was time for her to help him.
"I'm ready."
Levi didn't need her to elaborate. He stood and then extended a hand to help her up. Once he was sure she was steady on her feet, he reached for the nearest box, carrying it outside. He returned, carrying the rest of their things away while Aubrey took one last look around the space. She was sure it was the last time she'd ever see it.
When Levi set down the final box he went back to her, embracing her from behind.
"I'm ready."
Aubrey sighed. She knew it was time to go now. She nodded.
Levi found her hand and laced their fingers, gently tugging Aubrey toward the exit.
Aubrey halted just before she stepped out and Levi paused. He wasn't going to rush her.
She looked down at her feet, eyeing where the entry gave way to the outside. She took a deep breath and with one last push, stepped out of her room and closed the door behind her.
A/N: Okay, I like this chapter better than the last one :) But y'all told me the last one wasn't all that bad anyway so maybe I WAS imagining things.
Anyway, this chapter turned out differently than I was expecting. I was thinking I'd be able to fit the whole moving ordeal into one chapter but it seems like it's gonna be a two or three chapter kinda thing. I just wanted to take the time to really close the Tika/Jack aspect. It's been a significant theme in this fic so I felt like I needed to finish it properly. Next chapter will be Levi's stuff :'(
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE leave a comment. Now that I'm starting school I'm gonna need all the motivation I can get lol. Y'all are so sweet and when I get a comment I squeal sooooooooo… Please leave one. I need the serotonin.
