Sorry for the little hiatus there! My parents were visiting over the weekend, then a mishap occurred with my phone and I had to get a new one...

On an unrelated note, if any of you guys have ideas you want to see in this story, leave them in the reviews! I'm more than happy to utilize your ideas :D

Entry 34

Well, my dad definitely exploded, but not exactly how I was expecting.

It was late, almost a full day after the dragon raid incident, when I heard him call my name from downstairs. I slowly descended the steps with my head down, preparing for the words to come. He asked me to sit across from him at the table, and I did, still not saying a thing.

"Hiccup… I've spent the past day trying to figure out what to say to you…" Dad started, his voice quieter than I'd expected. He brought a hand to his head, pinching the bridge of his nose and sighing. "And I can't decide if I should be disappointed or proud."

I looked up. That was the last thing I'd expected him to say.

"I gave you one simple order, Hiccup: to stay in the forge and work on weapons. That's all I ask of you, and yet you just have to disobey. It was an absolutely… FOOLISH thing you did, letting yourself be dragon bait like that." His voice rose for a moment before settling back down. "But I also can't deny it's the most bold, brainless thing I've ever seen you do. An action like that, that's something only a Viking would do. And even for how stupid it was, it gave me a glimpse of… of potential." I just blinked, waiting for more. Finally, he looked at me, and I noticed the dark circles under his eyes; he really must have been stressing over this. "You have that Viking recklessness in you, Hiccup, but I just can't see it being of any use as you are. If Hoark wasn't there to save you, that dragon would've carried you off, just like your mother. So, despite what I've seen, I can't let you make any more reckless decisions like that. I'm not going to lose you to those beasts like I lost my wife… the fact of the matter is, Hiccup, you're just not strong enough. And I can't take all these close calls, anymore; I'm putting my foot down. I don't want you out during any more raids. That was already the rule, but it's going to be strictly enforced now; Gobber is going to be getting a talk as well. I don't know why he would let you out… all that leads to is- is DISASTER!" Finally fed up, he yelled the last part, before telling me to just go to my room.

And now, I'm even more confused than ever. Everything my dad said is so contradictory it's going to take forever to figure out.

Here's what I have so far: he doesn't want me to go out for fear of me being killed... But he also thinks I have a spark of Viking virtue that needs to be nurtured... But it can't be nurtured because I don't have the strength to go with it... But I also have to still try and become Vikingly, so I should keep working on it... But I can't keep working because I have to be confined to the forge…

See the problem here?

Ugh, I just wish I had been born with both Viking virtue AND brawn. It would make everything so much easier… and I wouldn't even be thinking about this because it wouldn't be a problem in the first place. Then again, I probably wouldn't be thinking at all.

Sometimes the tradeoffs are hard to pick between… I want to say I'd like to keep my brain, but in moments like this, I wonder if it would be easier to just NOT overthink everything…

Ah, the life of a simple Viking… a life I'll never truly know. Am I okay with that? Honestly, I have no clue.

Until next time…

-H

You really DO have many of the "Viking virtues", Hiccup; you just have to get past the self loathing to see it...