Disclaimer: I don't own anything Marvel.
Chapter 39
Dearest Anna
Steve left shortly after Bucky went back under to break their imprisoned teammates out of prison. It wasn't a stated fact that it was what he was off to do, but it was clear to her and T'Challa that it was his intention. With it being unspoken though, Anna still had deniability. There was no chance of a reprimand from the UN for his action. T'Challa assured her that it would be impossible for them to find out that Bucky and her were there. It was hard to just go ahead and trust him, but Anna wasn't going to give up being there for Bucky for anything.
Anna was left alone for the most part for a few days as she only walked back and forth from her room, and the lab where Bucky was. There were even three meals brought to her room. It wasn't like she knew where to go to get anything different. It was starting to get weird to have people wait on her. She'd been fending for herself for so long that she wasn't comfortable relying on everyone else.
During one of those evenings Anna sat back after eating one of the most delicious meals she'd ever had in a comfortable chair by those grand windows in her room. She debated whether or not to open the notebook in her lap, but the temptation was too great. They were left to her for a reason, she hoped.
Bucky had left her a notebook specifically for her. She wasn't going to touch any of the other ones Sharon gave her. There were so many private moments in there that Bucky had been through. It wasn't her place to barge in someplace she wasn't sure he wanted her.
Dearest Anna,
I didn't know how to write to you for a long time. Even now I'm not sure I'm really doing it right, but if I don't start then it'll never get done and I feel like I owe it to you with your efforts in explaining yourself to me.
How I'm feeling has never been more complicated. With everything I've done within Hydra, and with everything you've told me, it's hard to tell which emotion is because of which event. Maybe there isn't a difference. I don't know. I've tried not to think about it too much, to be honest.
I guess I should address us first. I can't say I wasn't upset to find out you knew parts of the events that were going to happen in '44, but I do understand now. It took time, but I've forgiven you for that. You honestly didn't know, and there was no way you could've known Hydra would find me and do what they did. Having you leave out the truth felt like you lied to me, and I've had enough of that in my life. It was hard to find out you had too.
But we're past that. Or I am. I'd given you every part of me in our relationship. You made me feel like the man I wanted to be. You made me laugh, and feel safe. I'd always thought of home being in Brooklyn with Steve, but then you came along and I always felt at home wherever you were with me. Losing you and finding out the truth hurt a lot more than I ever thought it would, and moving past the lies took a lot of work.
But even when I didn't remember who you were, there was still something inside me that knew how important you were. I'm not proud to say this, but that's why I didn't kill you in DC. The rings and your necklace caught my attention, and I knew that I needed them, but I needed to complete the mission too. If I'd killed you I wouldn't have been able to find out what the meaning behind them were, or at least, that's how I thought at the time. So I took them and let you live.
I followed you during your recovery. I still hadn't gotten my memories back, but I needed to figure it out. That's how I saw you get kidnapped by the Bratva on your way home from therapy. If it had been anyone else I probably would've just let them die. But even then I knew you were different, special.
But like you said in your notebook. We're two different people now, and maybe we'll meet again. I do hope we do. And maybe we can try and figure things out. I still want you. It would be a lie if I said I didn't, and I'm done with the lies. But even if we can try again, I need to figure out my own shit before I can focus on anything else.
So we'll have to see.
Yours,
Bucky
Sorry for the delay guys. I honestly had this done way before it was scheduled to go up, but then so much stuff in the last few months happened. People have died, the semester is ending so I had a lot of projects and papers due, my fiancé lost his job (and thankfully got another one really fast), I'm filling in at my old job before I start a new one in the next few weeks. It just never seems to end. I'll be happy with the 2020 curse is over...just hopefully things start to turn around in 2021...So this is the last actual chapter for this series. The next one is the sneak peak into the next book and the actual first chapter of the book called DAYS IN THE SUN. So just remember to keep an eye out for that.
Thanks to the following for their reviews on the previous chapter:
SomebodyWhoCares - T.T
Jedi Jesla777 - Should I buy you more tissues? The beginning of the next story may have you in tears too around chapter 4 or so. You might want them. lol
shizzlethis1 - Yeah, it was always my intentions to reunite them. I mean, if you look at both of their personalities it's hard to imagine either of them not forgiving the other. They're too understanding for that. We'll just have to see with the rest of the Iron Man Clan though.
Thiskid2004 - I always love series that make me so emotional like that. I'm so glad I've been able to convey the emotions so well through words.
