"If love is blind, then maybe a blind person that loves has a greater understanding of it."

Criss Jami, Salomé: In Every Inch In Every Mile

Emily never got manicures or pedicures. Her nails were usually too trashed to even consider a manicure, and a pedicure seemed like a frivolous expense. But here she was, getting both of those. Her nails were a pale pink, close to the natural colour, while her toenails were going to be a deep dark merlot. Climbing into the massaging chair and putting her feet into the steaming water, Emily gave Kristy a smile. "This is the first time I've ever gotten a manicure and a pedicure. Well, one that wasn't forced by my mother...and one after the age of 15." She admitted with a small shrug.

"We could've done something else…" Kristy said softly. She wasn't one of them, she didn't work the high pressure job and honestly, she wasn't sure if this was something Emily would even agree to.

Leaning against the chair, Emily groaned as one of the workers grabbed her foot and started to massage the insole. "No." She groaned softly. "This is perfect. In fact, I might move into here."

Kristy laughed and handed Emily her smoothie that they had picked up earlier. "Well I'm glad that you're enjoying it." She said honestly. The younger woman liked Emily, she was a strong charismatic person, a real leader. Though now in this setting, Kristy could see the whole other side of the BAU unit chief. She was still strong and charismatic and a true leader, but there was a softness about her. A gentleness and softness radiated from the brunette when her tall FBI walls were down. It was no secret that Emily Morgan was a strong, powerful and sometimes intimidating woman, but in her yoga pants, and pink hoodie, she was just Emily. "So how is everything going? With the pregnancy?"

Shrugging, Emily took a sip of her smoothie and took her time thinking about her words before putting the cup down. "It's...interesting." She finally admitted. "There's been parts of this that I love. I love feeling these two move around. I love the way Derek looks at me. But there are parts that I hate."

Kristy nodded. "And all of that is completely normal and natural. Have you found out the sex yet of the babies?"

"Next week we can. I'm still not sure if I want to." Emily admitted. "Everything has been so...regimented with this pregnancy that it would be nice to have one element of surprise."

"And what does Derek think about this idea" Kristy gave the other woman a small smirk.

"Well, we've discussed it but not in quite so many details." The older woman shrugged.

Kristy laughed and lifted her feet out of the water. "It almost killed Matt not knowing. And while I don't know Derek that well, I feel like Derek and Matt are cut from the same cloth."

"They are." Emily agreed. "Though Matt puts a little bit more thought into things before he does them."

"I would challenge that statement." Kristy laughed softly.

Emily's dark eyebrows arched and she looked over at Kristy. "Derek has been almost blown up half a dozen times." She said, shaking her head. "And that's since I've known him. Who the hell knows what he did before."

The women laughed as they relaxed in the massage chairs, their feet pampered.


"You played ball in college?"

Derek nodded. "Yeah quarterback and some free safety." He took a drink of his beer before pulling his eyes away from the TV. "You?"

"Basketball, not football. Mom didn't want me to get hurt." Matt joked. "March madness is my weakness."

Taking a swallow of his beer, Derek nodded. "You'll have to talk to Mackenzie. She has two NCAA championships under her belt."

"How's she doing by the way?" Matt knew about their attack and had been speaking with Derek about Mackenzie's reaction to the attack. Matt had served in the military and gave Derek a little bit more insight to the younger woman.

Shrugging, Derek took another sip of his beer. "Not really sure, she's pretty withdrawn. We've gone running a couple of times, but only around the block over and over again."

Matt nodded and ran his finger over the lip of the beer bottle. "I saw it with guys who came back after a tour of duty. PTSD." He said softly. "Women don't serve in battle in the US. In other countries they do, but not here, so I'm assuming that this would be the first real...war that Mackenzie has been in. Don't push, but be there for her to talk to. Maybe she can talk to JJ or Emily. They've both been through stuff like this."

Derek had never served, but he understood the concepts when it came to trauma. "Yeah, maybe."

The men finished their beers before Matt's phone went off. He glanced at it and sighed, returning a quick text. "Babysitter. Nothing's on fire, but Lily hates mac and cheese today. I told her to feed her whatever she'll eat." He gave Derek a smile. "Are you ready for it man?"

"Were you?" Derek ran his hand over his face. The BAU wasn't exactly the next sample for asking people about having children. Hotch was no longer with the team, and Rossi didn't know his child until she was an adult, so that left Matt.

"Not really. But you learn as the baby grows. And you and Emily will be great parents, I have no doubts about that. It's a lot of work, and for the first year you're exhausted, but it's so so worth it." The younger man's face broke into an easy smile. "And my kids are so excited to have babies around, especially the twins."

Derek smiled and ordered them another beer. "We're ready for it, well I hope we're ready for it." He corrected. "And I can handle the lack of sleep. It's been a long road but I think we're ready for it."

Matt nodded and brought the beer to his lips. "So, are you guys going to find out the sex of the babies?"

Rolling his eyes, Derek took a long drink of his beer. "Emily doesn't want to. She said that everything else in this pregnancy has been planned, she wants ONE thing to be a surprise."

"And it's killing you."

"AND it's KILLING me." Derek repeated. "Honestly. Like she wants to paint the nursery with yellows, and greys, and greens. Buy gender neutral baby clothes so they can share clothes. I get that it's logical, and regardless they'll be individuals and if we have one boy and one girl we'll buy them different clothes...but…"

Matt laughed. "No uterus, no opinion."

"No uterus, no opinion. So we'll wait until they're born." Derek said with a small smile. His fingers tapped the screen of his phone and it lit up a picture of him and Emily at their wedding.

"You can text her." Matt said, a soft gentle smile on his face. While both Emily and Derek were older than him and Kristy, it was still new for them. Matt had married Kristy when they were young, early 20s, and had started their family soon after. They were the "old married couple" in their group of friends, and even more so in the BAU. "I know Kristy and Garcia are planning Emily a baby shower, why don't we plan something? Like get the nursery ready. Luke, Dave, not sure how Spencer is with tools. But while the women do their thing, we can do ours." He glanced at the older man. "Do you guys have a theme yet? Or does EMILY have a theme yet?"

Smiling, Derek shrugged. "Actually, we haven't talked about a theme yet, but I'm sure she has something in mind." He said honestly.

"Of course she does, she's Emily." Matt returned the smile and finished his beer. "Speaking of which, we should probably get going and pick up the ladies for lunch. As much as Kristy will argue she doesn't, she gets hangry."

Derek laughed and placed some bills on the table to cover their tab. "Emily does too. Even more so now that she's pregnant."

"Eating for two."

"Three." Derek shrugged and pulled on his jacket. "Let's go make sure those lady folk are fed." They walked out to his SUV, Matt and Kristy's being full of car seats. Their wives walked out of the spa, Matt hopping out of the passenger side and helping Emily in.

"Where to, ladies?" Derek asked as Matt climbed in the back seat with Kristy.

Emily's hands spanned her belly as she rubbed it softly. "I really want sushi." Emily started. She felt three pairs of eyes on her and she sighed. "Which I fully understand that I can't have, so instead how about we get some teriyaki bowls and tempura? Let's be honest, I want the deep fried stuff."

Kristy laughed softly from the back and nodded. "I could go for some tempura."

"Off to Bomb we go." Derek said, glancing at Matt who gave him a smile in the rearview mirror. He knew that the booths at Bomb were small and he didn't want to cause Emily any undue stress, so they ordered out and brought it back to their home. Their place was larger than Matt and Kristy's with both of them being unit chiefs.

"Your place is so clean." Kristy commented as she helped Emily place the plates on the table. "No hand prints on the walls, cheerios on the floor. Hopefully you guys aren't too attached to the spotless show home look." She joked as she placed chopsticks on the table.

Emily laughed. "That's more of a Derek thing than an us thing." She said opening the tempura. Derek and Matt cracked beers while Emily filled two glasses with flavoured sparkling water. "Though, I'm not really sure I lived with mess growing up. I had nannies and we had help."


The conversation flowed easily, and Emily finally pushed away her plate. "Honestly, I can't wait to see fingerprints on the walls and cheerios on the floor." She smiled at her husband who gave her hand a gentle smile. "I honestly thought that I wasn't cut out to be a mother." She said softly. "And then I just thought that I would never get the chance to be a mother." Her hands rested on her bump, dark eyes glancing over at Derek. "When I was alone in Europe, I swore to myself that if I had the chance to come back, I would make the most of it."

Their fingers brushed against one another under the table, the spark between them visible to the other two at the table.

"You're going to be a great mom, Emily." Kristy said softly. "And you have lots of built in babysitters." She smiled, waiting for the other woman to look up. "And you guys have help, you don't need to do it alone."

Matt nodded in agreement. "Whatever we can do to help. I told Derek that I'd help with the nursery, and I'm sure Dave and Luke would too. We can get Spencer to...measure things."

Derek laughed and nodded. "I'll let you guys know."

"Better get started now. You're halfway there…" Matt said, watching as the colour drain from Derek's dark complexion.

"Halfway there." Emily whispered. She bit down on the inside of her cheek, her heart dropping. A hard kick took her breath away and she winced, looking at the faces around her. "We're halfway there."


JJ sighed and watched as Derek stormed into the bullpen and then into his office, wincing as the door slammed. It had been a couple weeks since the incident with Doyle and everyone was still feeling the effects of missing Emily, but no one was taking it as badly or as hard as Derek. He locked himself in his office for hours at a time. He had grown harder, more guarded, if that was possible for the darker man. Without Emily he seemed lost. He was lost.

They did their work, and Derek went home. He shut himself off from the world. The rest of the team spoke in low whispers, watching their friend mourn so privately, yet so publicly. One night, after a particularly hard case, JJ watched him leave. His fingers brushed over the picture of Emily on the fallen heroes wall before heading the elevator. She followed him, watching him pick up beer and Chinese food and head back to his house. She knew it was intruding, but she had checked on everyone but him.

Her knock rang hollow and she gently turned the doorknob. He was on the floor, the Chicago PD shirt JJ had seen Emily wearing years ago clutched in his hands, tears streaming down his cheeks.

JJ sat down beside him draping an arm over him. "I know." She whispered softly. There was only so much she could do. So much she could say. She hoped that one day the truth could come out but right now this was the best she could do.

"It still smells like her." He whispered through the tears. "I don't know what I'm gonna do JJ when it stops smelling like her." His tears flowed down his cheeks until he was too dehydrated to even cry anymore.

She held him, and did everything she could, her heart in pain every single second of that night.