Disclaimer: I do not own the turtles…
A/N: So…its been a while…better late than never..
Leonardo's POV
Its insane how fast perspective can change. A couple months ago, with Master Splinter's return looming, I would be putting finishing touches on the lair's cleanliness. Now my head was swimming of other priorities. But one single thought was foremost.
Mikey.
That day at the dump, the way he looked at me. His eyes seemed darker than usual. Without warning his teeth had bared. I had played it down for my brothers but Karai had seen. He had let an eerie shriek and lunged at me, knocking me hard onto my shell.
Yes, Michaelanglo had straight up tried to attack me. I was uncertain if he was coherent about what he was doing. I could still feel his fingers going for my throat. His eyes wild.
"Kill him….kill him.." It was a frantic chant that had been coming out of the orange cladded turtle. I had been so taken back that Karai had stepped in to intervene. She had yanked my little brother off, struggling to keep hold as he thrashed about. After we both managed to subdue Mikey, Karai had looked at me, her green eyes wide in shock. Her black hair hanging loose in her face, moving slightly with each panting breath.
"What is going on, Leonardo?' She had breathed at me. As quickly as it happened, it had stopped. Mikey laid limp on the ground, his head resting on my knee. I peered back her, confusion etched into my features.
What is going on indeed.
I sat at my desk, pouring over copies of Master Splinter' books on Mediation. I knew there had to be a way to help Mikey over come this. I feared that Dr. Frahm had left a terrible mark. I had recalled my own mind games that he would try to play on me. But, the insane doctor had limited access to me. I reminded to myself. Mikey on the other hand, Dr. Frahm took great pleasure spending amble of time.
I bit my lower lip, flipping through the pages. I knew Donnie was doing something similar down in his lab. Researching as much as he could in psychology and trauma. My eyes felt so heavy. I paused, rubbing them briefly. This was no time for sleep. I thought sternly.
What if this happen again? Dr. Frahm seemed to have control over us even from a distance. I gave my head a shake. We could do this. I insisted to myself. We would do this. We would help Mikey. Then, I would track down Frahm personally. I was not going to spend my days in constant fear of another maniac.
I peered back down at the words and instantly could feel that I was no longer alone. My ninja senses honing on the presence. I glanced up and saw Raphael standing in the entrance to my room. His golden eyes lingering on my own. I sighed. Raphael made me feel uncomfortable of late. It was everything I had to not reach up touch where he had bitten me. I turned my eyes back to my reading.
"Yes?"
Raph leaned casually against my door frame. He looked me over one before answering.
"Mikey's awake." He announced. I felt a spark of joy at those words. I had been worried about him. "Find any useful in that crap?' Raph asked, sounding genuine. I leaned back in my chair, waving a hand at stack of books.
"Loads, but there is a grey area in this. I'm worried that I can trigger more trauma then healing." I explained, "It has to be done correctly and that is what bothers me." I sighed, standing. "I should compare notes with Donnie."
I turned to see the hot-headed turtle had materialized by my desk. He glanced at the notepad in my hand. I felt myself stiffen despite myself. I felt another strange wave of awkwardness engulf me. I knew Raph as well as any of my brothers, but I wasn't sure if I trust being one on one with him just yet.
I swallowed. "well, I think I'll go check on Mikey." I had hoped that Raphael would take my hint and move aside, but he seemed to be taking his time on such matters. He stood close, looking me over.
"You look tense, Fearless." He mentioned. I felt myself scowl. Was he serious? After all that had happen. What was I supposed to be? Shooting the breeze without a care in the world? Dancing a jig?
Of course, I was tense!
"I would think that would be obvious." I retorted coolly. He chuckled. "You're still thinking about it, aint ya?" He gave me a knowing smirk that made my blood boil. Who in the hell did this guy think he was?
"Get out of my room already." I shot back. I wasn't in the mood for whatever games Raph was playing. He was out of line. He smirked at me. My eyes narrowed in response. "Get out of my way."
"Not so fast, Fearless. You still owe me an explanation about this fucker, Dr Frahm. Especially now that we got your batshit crazy bitch girlfriend up our asses." He glared back at me.
I rolled my eyes at the mention of Karai. Honestly, was he ever going to let that go? It was ridiculous. But I decided to drop it. It wouldn't help to go down that old road again. We would just end up in our hundredth fight of the hour at that rate. Frankly, I needed to try and pick my battles with Raph. I took a deep breath, squaring my shoulders.
"I didn't block things out. You know, like Mikey did. "I started slowly. I absentmindedly, tapped my finger on the spine of my notepad. "I remember everything Raph. I used the Zen mediation skills that Splinter taught me. Mediation is why I didn't completely break. I'm not insane, but I did leave an imprint on me."
I felt Raph's presence shift closer to me. "Did they hurt ya? Torture ya?"
His voice stirred memories, dark memories within me. All I would rather forget. Long nights being chained up, days without food or water, and the games they would play…I closed my eyes tightly, feeling the familiar, suffocating fear start to work its way into my chest. I inhaled, controlling the sensation, letting it wash over me.
I meet his gaze again. "Yes, but it's pointless to dwell on that. Mikey and I are not weak. It could have killed those who are lesser. We both overcame this, just in different ways."
Raph stared at me hard, reaching forward his fingertips gripped my shoulder strap. "I would kill them all, Leo. Every. Last. One. For touching you and Mikey. They don't know who they are fucking with."
I winced slightly at the swearing, but I could hear the sincerity in his tone. Raph meant it. I felt grateful in some regards. An emotion I couldn't quite label swelled in me. I shook my head against it, feeling confused. My pulse seemed to quicken.
"Most of them are dead." I said bitterly. "I made sure of it."
There was a flicker of emotion in Raph's eyes. I couldn't detect it. But I could assume what it was. Pity. And I didn't need any of it. A frown took hold of my mouth
"Look, I really don't want to discuss this further. Our main concern is Mikey. We must try and help him through this. I have been reading this and I think we can help unblock those memories and sort them out. I know he has to do it ultimately, but I just can't stay for him to have to relive this again, Raph, it's my fault he is this way. "
Raph didn't acknowledge what I was saying, his grip on my shoulder strap however, tighten. He stepped even closer, forcing me to back up against my desk. Alarms rang out in my mind. He was peering at me so intently. No!
"Raph. Don't." I said sharply, turning my face away as he leaned towards me. I shoved his hands away from me.
He gave sharp growl, yanking me into him by my strap, while gripping the tails of my bandana. My head jerked back when he gave a hard tug. "Raph..stop!" I managed to protest before his lips were roughly shoved against my own. It was bruising. My hands dug into his biceps, pushing hard. He pushed back, using his height, my shell scraped against the desk. Books dropping to the floor. I felt his teeth rake over my bottom lip before he bit down.
I let out a startled yelp. I felt like I was losing focus. A wave of dizziness hit me. Raph 's hand slipped from my shoulder strap to my jaw. His fingers were like a vice, I winced. And that is all it took, I felt a warm tongue invaded my mouth, crashing into my own. My whole body gave a shudder of its own accord. I felt like I couldn't breathe.
Enough! My brain screamed. I had to stop this now!
I reacted automatically. I sidestep, hooking my ankle around the back of his, performing a quick leg sweep. We went down in a tangle mess. He grunted as he hit the floor, I jerked myself free, but I did not let go.
I gripped his right arm with both hands, flinging myself sideways on to my shell. I threw my legs over his neck and chest, yanking his arm straight and out to side, locking my right leg around it, while my left pressed down on his neck. I braced my wrist firmly against his own. Raph let out snarl, realizing he was stuck in a crow bar position.
"Fuck! Leo. " Raph snarled, his feet kicking out, but I adjusted so I was out of his reach. His face turned red. "When I say no, that means no!" I told him, applying pressure to his arm. He let a hiss of pain.
"Oh, I'm so going to fuck you up…" He gagged as I squeezed me legs. "Damnit! Let the fuck go."
"Not until you respect my words." I held on as he punched at my legs with his free arm, trying to break my grip. 'Say it." I commanded.
He grimaced. "Shit. You fucking..Fuck! You are breaking my arm!"
"What the hell?"
I looked up both Donnie and Mikey was standing in my doorway as well. Mikey looked pale but his blue eyes were wide with surprise. Don on the other hand, jut raised an eye ridge.
"Not keeping his hands to himself?"
"Donnie, I swear …" Raph was hissing from the floor. Don rolled his eyes. "Let him up, Leo. He is as red as his bandana."
I released the red wearing turtle. Big mistake. Raphael flipped onto his knees, grabbing my ankles and yanking me across the floor on my shell.
"You son of a.."
I put my arm up to block a punch to my face. Both Mikey and Donnie seized Raph from behind jerking him off me. Raph was panting, looking like raging beast. His eyes still locked with mine as I stood up. I gave all my brothers a stern look.
"Let me make this clear, If I say no. Then everyone better back off." I told them quietly.
"Why?" Demanded Raph, shoving Don and Mikey off. "You want this."
I gave him a bewildered look. Mikey cleared his throat. "Raph, dude. You gotta chill out."
"No." Raphael snapped. "Admit it, Fearless! Fucking always pretending to be righteous and shit. Admit that you are curious, and I'll take it down a notch." He was toe to toe with me. His face contorted in anger.
I felt heat rising to my face. I felt myself shaking with rage and something else.
"Admit what? What the heck do you want from me?"
Raphael looked unsure of that question. He lowered his voice, reaching out to grip my forearm.
"A chance."
I pulled my arm free of his grip. A chance….All retorts had left me. We stared at each minutes ticking by, then Raph turned on his heel and stomped out. Don and Mikey scattered out his way. A few seconds later, we heard the door to his room slam. Both Don and Mikey turned towards me.
Leo.." Don began. My left eye twitched.
"Don't." I interrupted. Emotions were rocking my very core. I didn't even know how to feel anymore. How can they expect any of this from me? When I couldn't even…I clenched my fists. All the emotions were melting into one. Sorrow. What is wrong with me?
I doesnt matter. Whatever this was….I couldn't afford anymore distractions. EVER.
