Nine days have passed since he'd lost the last five months of his life. With each day came new frustrations and unpredictable anxieties. The first few days were much like the first day he woke up. He'd discovered his fear of women early on, when he'd tripped over Happy, and Erza had caught him, causing him to suffer his first of several panic attacks. Seriously? They couldn't have warned him about that? How the Hell had he functioned this long with an irrational fear of half the human population? More precisely their touch, he'd been corrected later on. And why was he okay with Wendy?
It wasn't long before he discovered it wasn't just women he feared. Or for whatever reason his house. He was driven into outright hysteria at one point, when he'd caught the scent of roasting meat coming from one of his neighbors, who had been cooking outdoors. After crashing into the bathroom to empty his stomach into the toilet, he'd sat in the shower, still fully clothed, until Lyon was finally able to coax him out after an hour had passed. He was too nauseous to eat the rest of the day, and chose to go without pain meds until the next morning. Lyon hid the sea salt in the bedroom closet with his meds afterwards. He wasn't going to risk him stumbling upon that particular phobia if he could help it.
But by day four, his heart had strengthened enough to lower the dosage of the heart meds. He was still tired, but that was mostly due to magic deficiency and lack of sleep, and he was no longer so easily winded, either. What he wasn't aware of was the fact that those meds had been lessening his anxiety symptoms as well. That night, upon Wendy noticing his rise in tension, he was given the choice of whether to go back to the stronger doses, and be constantly tired and weak; or remain as is, and try to control his stress responses. He had no control at all over how tired he felt, and he was getting sick of always feeling weak and having his mind in a fog. So he chose the option that allowed him more control. His friends were all surprisingly understanding with his choice.
One problem down heralded a new one to deal with.
What started out as short lived headaches that were localized to just his temples have grown to not-quite migraine levels, making him sensitive to sound and prone to lashing out when irritated. It took several days for Porlyusica and Wendy to narrow down the probable causes, finally connecting the sudden onsets to flashes of memory. It was difficult to do so, as those memories were fleeting, and he could never really recall that he'd even seen anything before the pain chased it away.
The only reason they were able to discover these flashes was because of an episode that occurred while Loke was present to witness it. He and Cana were hanging out with him while the rest of his team and Lyon (at Gray's insistence) were out on separate missions. Loke had noticed him trying to feel the scars along the palms of his hands. While his fingers were marred beyond recognition, one could discern vague shapes branded into the palms as well. No one had been able to tell what those shapes were, and Gray had never been very forthcoming with the particulars of what had happened to him during his captivity, nor had anyone ever felt comfortable enough to ask. Some burns overlapped others, and the shapes changed with different hand positions. But by luck, he'd brushed against a scar with the back of his knuckle, unaware that he'd trained for months to do just that. Determining that he could now feel a pattern in his hand, he traced it out and discovered...
he froze the chains just as he grasped them, feeling a harsh bite of pain as the still lingering heat burnt his flesh"Gray. Hey, you alright?"
He had hissed in pain, grabbing the side of his head.
He bit back a cry as he desperately tried to hang on just a little longer, until the chains began to glow. ..."... chains?"...
"What's wrong?" asked Cana, as she set a couple of drinks on the table between the two deck chairs.
"I don't know. Maybe another headache?... He said something... Gray, you okay, man?"
He took a deep breath and released it, nodding as he lowered his hand.
"Here," Cana said, offering a glass, "I brought you some water."
He held the glass to his temple, closing his eyes and leaning back in his chair.
As Cana sat in the chair Loke had vacated, he crouched in front of Gray and asked, "Gray, you said something just now. What did you mean by it?"
Gray winced a little, saying, "Too loud."
Loke exchanged concerned looks with Cana. He really hadn't been that loud. Lowering his voice, he apologized and asked again.
"...?...What did I say?"
Again with the concern. Why couldn't he remember? Not wanting to cause him undue disstress...
"... You know what? I probably read wrong. That looked like a bad one. Do you need anything?"
"Is it too soon for more meds?"
Cana, having heard about the past accusations of drug dependency from Loke, knew not to imply anything.
"Lunch is almost ready, or you can have a snack if you really need some pain killers now," she said.
"I'll wait. Headache's going away. Just wish they'd stop sneaking up on me."
"Well, I'm gonna help Cana finish up so we can eat sooner. You good out here on your own?"
He nodded. That's the best thing he'd heard all day. As much as he loved his friends, they just wouldn't leave him alone. It's not like he was planning on wandering off somewhere. Where the heck would he go? He could hardly find the freakin bathroom without stumbling into something.
If only that Loren guy (which is totally a girl's name, he'd snickered) wasn't booked for the rest of the month. Everyone else had tried to help him figure out that O and M crap, but none of them had been present during that first lesson months ago, and had no idea where to even begin. On top of that, though not admitting it to the others, as they'd probably get even more anxious with him, he just wasn't feeling it. He wasn't sure if it was the newness of being blind, or the mysterious circumstances in which it'd come about, but he's been finding himself more and more apathetic to the whole thing lately. But that pretty much left him home bound, with little to keep him occupied.
Maybe if they'd all stop being so smothering! Had they been like this with him before? He didn't get that impression. They seemed unsure how to handle him, but they should have had the last five months to get use to this. He's had days! They just kept rushing him to relearn all this crap that he'd apparently had no problem mastering the first time around. And by God, if he heard one more comment about how "quickly he was able to learn it before"... At least the him from before had the benefit of KNOWING. Was what happened to him really so bad, that staying in this limbo was better? Feeling the scars over his eyes, he sometimes couldn't decide on an answer.
While he was brooding outside, Cana looked to Loke for answers. She knew right away that he was just making an excuse to talk to her in private. While she took the stir fried beef slices off the stove (the reason the boys were outside in the first place), she waited for Loke to explain what he saw.
"He said the word 'chains' just now. As far as I can recall, there were no chains in the torture chamber."
Cana knitted her brow, trying to figure out what Gray could have meant. Where did chains come into play? She knew he was tied down, but with wire. It was while she was adding the seared meat to the currently sizzling vegetables that she recalled what Levy had told her and Mira about the kiln, and the chains hanging from the ceiling. She almost teared up.
"I think I know how he got those burns on his hands. The kiln he was locked in had chains hanging over head. We always thought his hands got burned when he fell to the floor. He must have been holding onto them... he must have been so desperate to hang on..." She tapered off, once again reminded of what he was going through while she was busy failing to find him.
"Lucy never mentioned what was in the kiln. Most everyone who saw must not have given the chains a second thought. Hey, it's okay. It was months ago. I know every time we learn something new, it's distressing, but he's gotten better since then. And besides, this is good news. This means he's starting to remember."
"Do you think the headaches are related?"
"He gets them so often, maybe he's been remembering, but his mind is trying to suppress it. But they're also not anything new. They do seem different, so it's a possibility. We'll ask Porlyusica about it later. Come on. He's gonna want those meds soon... And don't worry. Things will go back to normal soon."
"I know. It just sucks that normal couldn't be the way things were before..."
That was two days ago.
Today, Gray was bored. Joy was running around the house, doing random cat things that cats tended to do, so playing with her was out. At least he could track her easily enough. How can such a small animal make so much noise running back and forth across the floor? Natsu and Happy were busy playing Go Fish, while Lucy was doing one of those number puzzles from the latest issue of "Sorcerers' Weekly", neither activities being something he could partake in either. He couldn't read anyway, having forgotten he knew how to read Braille.
Seeing his discontent upon her arrival this morning, Lucy had been kind enough to read the latest news to him during breakfast. A lot of it entailed weird happenings up north. Apparently, Juvia had some involvement in a serial killer case? How the hell did she get herself mixed up in that?! But Gajeel and Panther Lily were with her, so that was good. He couldn't deny the small sense of relief he'd felt in finding out he had a reprieve from her usual antics, though. Meanwhile, a whole dark guild, Something-or-other's Wake, went missing. No love loss there. Maybe Jellal's crew had something to do with that. Nice to see they've been keeping busy. There were whole villages going missing, though. Now that was mysterious. The news didn't have much to say about that. Weird. And Fiore was now open to establishing an embassy in Alvarez. That was pretty big news. He still couldn't believe Gildarts had such a huge role in that. He was still getting used to how much things had changed in just under half a year. It was pretty daunting. Maybe he'd skip the news for now on. It only left him feeling more lost than before.
Deciding he needed to move, he stood up and felt his way to a wall, and just kept his hand against it as he paced back and forth. Not much to it, but if it got rid of some of his pent up energy... It seemed to work for Joy, at least.
It didn't feel right, though. The position of his hands felt wrong. After a few laps down and back, he tried turning his hands in different directions, trying to find that perfect technique. As soon as he brushed the knuckles of his pinkie and ring fingers against the wall, it felt perfect. He knew this to be muscle memory. He began to wonder what else he could figure out on his own.
Lucy gave a sad smile at seeing Gray's actions. He really couldn't sit still, regardless of his current state. She hadn't missed how he'd experimented until he found the correct O and M position he'd been taught before. She grinned proudly this time. It's such a small comparison, but she could recall feeling this same sense of pride as she'd watched him regain some of his physical abilities during the few PT sessions she'd witnessed. But she also sympathized with him. There really wasn't much he could do right now. It must be driving him crazy being stuck here all the time.
"Are you bored?" she asked.
"Mind-numbingly so," he gestured back.
"I brought my manuscript with me, in case I got some ideas while I was here. I could read to you if you want?" she offered.
That was actually pretty tempting. Why not? He nodded, slowly making his way to the now familiar armchair, mindful of the new rug and rather large ottoman now in his way, and made himself comfortable as she brought her work out.
She started where she'd left off last time, reading the first few paragraphs before she heard him whistle. She looked up, confused, until he gestured, "When the hell did Maggie break up with Villar?"
Dang it. How could she have forgotten? Of course he wouldn't remember the last eleven chapters.
As she flipped through the pages, she said, "I'm sorry. I completely forgot...I mean, well, we'd already..."
She looked up to see his reaction, trailing off, and was disappointed at his somber face.
"Gray? I'm really sorry."
He didn't understand why that pissed him off more than she forgetting which 'Gray' he was... No, maybe it was a tie, now that he thought about it. But he was tired of this lack of comfort and the unease he kept sensing from them. It felt like he was in a house full of strangers, except they all knew each other, and he was the interloper. In his own freaking house. But not his house! He still couldn't stand the idea of being alone in there, which sucked when he really needed some solitude. Which they rarely gave him. He couldn't figure out the layout, always bumping into things, expecting his old furniture, in their original arrangement. And who the hell needed so many freakin throw pillows?!
Ten days ago, to him at least, everything was normal. Then, in a single day, he'd found himself in this strange world, trapped in this constantly weak and pain-stricken body, surrounded by unbearably familiar yet unrecognizable "friends" who were just as confused with him as he was of them.
They shouldn't have to feel so wary around him.
They shouldn't have to apologize to him all the time.
Or act like they've gotta be at his beck and call. Or feel obligated to stay up with him whenever the insomnia kicked in, or the nightmares...
... Or cry for him.
He couldn't understand why their actions angered him so. He knew they acted out of love. But it was so constricting, and draining, for him and for them, he was sure. Why couldn't they just be normal around him? Or back off and let him figure things out? Or just freaking stop apologizing all the time?!
Angrily, he replied, "I'm sorry I can't be your Gray—"
"No! It's not like that at all—"
CLAP!
That shut her up. He turned towards Natsu. No doubt he had his full attention.
"Natsu, take me outside... Please."He was barely suppressing his frustrations and anger, his body trembling and teeth grinding, and Natsu knew it was sometimes better to just appease him. This wouldn't be the first time he'd gone out for some space. Natsu didn't know what he'd said to Lucy, but she just nodded and waved him along, so he nodded back and took him by the shoulder, leading him out to the backyard, where he felt around with his bare feet until he found the gravel around the pond. He sat crossed-leg, leaning against a tree that had been left by the pond for shade. It was bare of leaves now, so the sun shined through, keeping him warm enough in the slight chill.
He just sat there, pointedly ignoring Natsu, who was starting to get annoyed at the obvious slight. He was already irritated about how he'd treated Lucy.
"Oy, Frostbite—"
"F*ck off."Natsu bristled, ready to call him out on his attitude, but saved his words as he turned and stomped back inside, letting the door slam to express his ire.
Gray would have preferred it if Natsu had yelled at him. At least that would have been appropriate.
And normal.
'Where does that ice block get off, getting all mad at us like that? Lucy was only trying to help,' he thought.
"You alright, Luce?"
"I'm fine. It was my fault. I know he's sensitive about reminders of how much time he lost."
"That's no excuse for being a jerk!"
"Natsu..." She was at a loss for words. What Gray had said shocked and saddened her. It was so reminiscent of what he'd said several months back, when he'd overheard her say that he wasn't "their Gray" anymore.
"Don't make any excuses for him. Nobody knows how to deal with him! He's always irritated, doesn't wanna do anything with us, snaps our heads off if we do try to get him involved—"
"It's not like he can remember his training. He doesn't know what he's able to do. I think because of that, he's just having a bad day," suggested Happy.
"Boredom isn't any reason to yell at you! What the hell does he have to complain about?! The guy he is now, he never went through what the other Gray did! But the other Gray never bitched like this! He's been acting like a bastard all week! I'm sick of putting up with his attitude! The other Gray—"
"IS RIGHT OUTSIDE THAT DOOR!" she screamed, unable to believe what she'd just heard, from Natsu of all people. Besides Lyon, he'd been his most staunch supporter this whole time. "And he probably heard everything you just said. He's not some stranger who took Gray's place. He IS Gray! I mean, can you blame him for lashing out?! He... he said he was sorry... that he couldn't be our Gray. I can't believe we made him feel that way. It's not fair that we keep comparing him to how he was. His whole world was suddenly turned upside down. Again! And he can't even turn to his friends for help, because we're all too focused on remembering how he used to be!"
Natsu had to sit down when the full weight of what she said hit him. She was right. He'd be pissed off too if he was in the same situation. Even more so, in fact, him being the hothead of the team. Gray's usually the last one to let emotions get the best of him. If he was upset, he had reason to be.
Where did they go wrong? Looking back, things were awkward and tense in those first few weeks after he came home from the hospital as well. They'd all had to adapt. But after a while, they figured out what worked, and were able to weather the storms as they came.
What was so different now? Was it only because Gray couldn't remember? Why should that make a difference? He was still their friend. They were so patient and understanding the first time around. And slowly but surely, he got better.
He did get better. Maybe that's what happened. He still had his bad moments, and they still had to be mindful of certain things, but he'd improved so much. And they got used to him. They grew accustomed to that Gray. It got to the point where it was easy to forget he was a trauma victim, and they got so good at keeping his triggers at bay, that any fear reaction or flashback was becoming fewer and farther between.
Then he'd changed again.
And they'd failed to adapt.
He wasn't being ungrateful, or trying to be difficult, though thanks to them, he probably felt that way. He was angry and bitter, frustrated, and constantly having to deal with fears in which he didn't understand the sources of. All of these reactions were textbook PTSD, and Natsu just brushed Gray's actions off as him having an attitude problem. He'd punch himself in the face if he thought he could get enough leverage to punch hard enough. Maybe Lucy would be willing to...
Something like this couldn't be fixed with just an apology, not like last time. If they really wanted to make things better between them, they'd have to adjust how they would approach him for now on. No more walking on eggshells, or expecting him to be someone he wasn't. No more rushing him to "just get it", and they definitely needed to see about granting him more freedoms. He'd just shown them today that he's capable of relearning skills that his body remembered. It could only benefit him to learn what else he could do.
He discussed his thoughts with Lucy, who had been thinking along the same lines. Together, all three went to the back door—and rushed out when they saw Gray was leaning over his crossed legs, head clasped tightly in both hands, his face grimacing in pain.
"Gray! What happened!—" Natsu stopped yelling when he saw Gray wince, lowering his voice as he said, "another headache?"
He just nodded as Natsu leaned him back against the tree. Happy crawled into his lap, and Gray was quick to bring his hands down, half cuddling, half petting him, using him as a willing distraction. The pain started to lessen. Leaning his head back, he finally opened his eyes and blinked back some tears, taking a shuddering breath as he said, "They're getting worse."
It must have been really bad for him to so easily admit that.
"Can you recall anything this time?" Lucy quietly asked.
He almost shook his head , but didn't want to do anything that might bring the pain back. He started to say no, but paused and furrowed his brow as he thought back. There was a glimpse of something in the back of his mind that he tried to hold on to, but it was slipping away like all the other times this had happened. The only thing he could grasp was
"... she was singing..."
Surprised, Lucy and Natsu exchanged looks. This was promising. Were his memories finally returning? They couldn't fathom what could have fueled that particular memory, as usually, something was said or done that would cause one of these "recall" headaches. Maybe that meant his memories were trying to flow more freely now, without reminders. But singing? He only forgot as far back as the incident. So unless he was talking about the time Erza broke out in show tunes that one rainy afternoon, or maybe when Mira was on stage singing Christmas carols, he could only be talking about his time in the chamber. But why the hell would his torturer sing to him? That was kinda sick, as they thought about it.
"What was she singing?" Lucy asked.
"... she... didn't know all the words... kept humming... I can't..."
He was getting frustrated again as he couldn't recall who that voice had belonged to, nor the few words he did hear. The memory started to fade. Maybe it was for the best, he thought.
"It's gone. I can't even remember the tune... but I know I liked how it sounded... It reminded me of my m—"
He gasped once more, grabbing his head again as he closed his eyes tightly. They could only watch as he rode out another wave of pain. Lucy wished she could massage his neck or rub his temples or something, but had to hold herself in check. Natsu stored that little revelation for later. He had no doubt that Gray was trying to say "mom".
He finally relaxed, slumping against the tree now. If he'd wanted to rid himself of all his nervous energy, mission accomplished. He really could just curl up right here for a nap. He wondered if Joy would want to come out and join him. 'Sorry, Happy,' he thought, 'you've been demoted to plushie.'
Before he could actually act on his plans, Natsu wrapped one of his annoyingly limp arms over his shoulders, and helped him stand as Happy hopped off. There goes his cuddle buddy. Oh well. The ground was getting hard, anyway.
As his head cleared, his strength slowly returned, and he was able to take the last few steps to his favorite chair on his own. So much for taking a nap.
After a while, Lucy handed him an ice water, which he drank half of before placing the glass against his head. A minute later, he grew tired of the silence. Just because he couldn't talk didn't mean they had to clam up, too.
He placed his glass down and gestured, "You guys wanna do something?" He could at least get them to go back to playing stupid card games or whatever.
"Actually... we were wondering if you'd want to go to the guild," said Lucy.
The guild. He hasn't been back to the guild since he woke up over a week ago. This was a complete turn around. They weren't going to suggest he relax or take it easy? Or fuss at him for throwing what's become his version of a tantrum? He heard some of what they'd said, before his brain decided to be a little shit to him and fire off another round of agony for its own amusement. Whatever else they'd talked about, they must have come to some decision that involved backing off a little. He wasn't gonna let this chance slip away.
"When do we leave?"
Over the next few days, a new (old) routine developed. It took a while to walk to the guild that first day, as Natsu knew how to be a guide, but wasn't all that great at teaching Gray how to "be blind" as he'd put it. But they made it there in just over thirty minutes, and had a nice time that day. Everyone was happy to see him again, and they were good about giving him space and not asking stupid questions. It's like they were used to it. Asuka was there, and she was the most excited of all to see him again. Imagine his surprise when he'd learned she knew Gesture Speak. And that he'd taught it to her. Her cheerfulness was too infectious for him to feel bitter at yet another reminder of his lost time. A shame the others couldn't seem to pick up on that. He enjoyed every moment with her, smiling as she described her latest work of art, teaching her Gestures she hadn't learned yet, and simply basking in the child's enthusiasm and openness with him. She treated him like she always did. Like her Gray-ni.
He was in a good mood when they dropped him off at home, where Lyon was just finishing preparing dinner. He'd been surprised to come home from his mission to an empty house, but found the note that Lucy was courteous enough to leave. Seeing Gray in such high spirits was such a relief.
Lyon thought it was a great idea to start visiting the guild again, and was pleased beyond measure that the daily back and forth seemed to have helped Gray remember some of his O and M training. He scoffed at using the cane at first (familiar territory for Lyon) but after walking a couple of blocks that second day, Gray holding onto Lyon's arm without even having to be told, he instinctively started moving the cane from side to side, searching for obstacles in his path. He even held it correctly. His confidence grew each day, and given a few more weeks of practice, he'd be able to find his way to the guild on his own, but for Porlyusica's order to always have someone with him.
Lyon's only concern were those damned headaches. They were getting worse with each passing day, and more frequent. It was like Gray's mind was warring with itself. One side wanted him to remember, but the other, stronger side, was willing to use extreme tactics to overcome the enemy. Even little things that had nothing to do with the incident set them off now, things that were more related to events from the last five months. It was all so arbitrary. Touching his cane for the first time had set one off, but when he'd touched the Happy figurine he'd made with Asuka, he was fine.
If Gray didn't insist on going to the guild every day, he'd make him stay home and try to sleep them off. It was getting to the point where he'd gladly give up the return of his memories if it meant an end to the painful episodes. He thought Gray felt the same way, but for different reasons. Gray was becoming more and more convinced that he really didn't want to remember what happened, if his dreams and scars were anything to go by.
Neither of them could ever realize that he'd developed a mental block that was preventing him from wanting to seek the truth. Just as his brain kept forcing his body to feel pains that shouldn't be there, and from speaking, and from recovering his memories; just as it continued to deliver nightmares and sleepless nights; just as it seemed to get off on forcing him to react fearfully to innocuous things; so too did it seem to have built an impenetrable wall around the very idea of seeking after his past. The desire just wasn't there, and anytime someone brought the notion up, it was like his reasoning shut down, and he did whatever he could to get out of the conversation.
None of his friends ever considered how odd it was that he would be so resolute against finding out what really happened to him. If they'd thought about it, they would have remembered that the Gray they knew so well would have fought with reckless abandon to recover everything he'd lost. But after everything he'd been through, they were just happy to see him smile again. They knew they were all in denial. They also suspected their avoidances were counterproductive, and probably unhealthy in the long run.
But right now, as Lyon watched along with the rest of the team, all he could think about was how happy Gray looked today. He and Asuka were telling each other silly riddles to pass the time before Mira brought their lunches over. It was becoming almost a competition, as they each took turns trying to stump the rest of the group. After the first few rounds, Lucy decided to bow out so the others had a chance to guess the answers.
"I have only one color, but many sizes; I appear at dawn, hide when the sun wants to leave, return before it's gone. Who am I?"Lyon smiled. Ur had taught them that one.
It looked like Lucy knew this one as well, judging from her grin. She edged closer to Natsu, trying not to giggle as Natsu's face took on so many different looks as he thought about the answer. Erza, contemplating over a strawberry daiquiri, looked like she couldn't get it either. Wendy looked like she may have figured it out, but held her tongue to allow a little more time for the others to think. Asuka, finger to her chin as she thought and thought, kept saying "hmmm" as if she was systematically picking through all the obvious wrong answers before she came to the right one. Gray grinned as he envisioned the little girl sitting on his knee, kicking her little feet as she tried to solve the riddle.
"Um, I don't know. Who are you?" she asked.
"Anyone?""I—I think it's a shadow?" said Wendy.
"Very good," Gray grinned, "Shadows appear at dawn, disappear at noon, when the sun is as high as it will go, before it begins to sink again; and then, the shadows return, remaining until sunset," he explained to Asuka.
"Yay! Do another one!" Asuka cheered.
"No can do. Wendy guessed the answer. I think she should have a turn to give a riddle.""Oh! I don't really know any good ones," Wendy replied.
"Come on! Just one? Please?" Asuka begged.
"If you know any easy ones, Asuka might like them more," Gray mouthed so Wendy, but not Asuka, could understand. May as well give the kid one she could figure out.
"Well, I did hear a pretty silly one from somewhere. Here goes: How do you attract a squirrel?"
It was a small twinge, hardly worth mentioning, but Natsu saw Gray wince, letting him know another headache had come, and with it, more memories. He paid attention to Gray's face, incase he said anything, but relaxed when all he said was, "You have to act like a nut..."
"Am I the squirrel or the nut?""Ha! That's pretty funny! Good one, Wendy!" Natsu said.
"So you know the answer?" asked Lucy.
"Nah. Gray already said it. You have to act like a nut! Get it?"
Asuka turned her head to look at Gray, telling him it was his turn. He rubbed his temple, glad it was such a minor ache compared to the others, and looked up confusedly, saying he hadn't answered the riddle, so it still wasn't his turn.
Natsu was also confused. He saw him give the answer!
Before he or Asuka could correct him, Bisca came by to collect her daughter for lunch.
"Can't I eat here today? We're telling riddles!"
"Oh, yeah? You learn any good ones?," she asked as she crouched down to be more eye level with Asuka.
As she was about to tell her the one about the shadow, Asuka caught a glimpse of the compass Bisca wore as a necklace. She always got a warm feeling when she saw her parents using the gifts she'd given them.
"Gray-ni, guess what? Mommy's wearing her Christmas present today!" she said, rather loudly.
Gray winced again. The kid had a good set of lungs.
"Not so loud, Sprite. Please!... What Christmas present?" He asked, unaware that he's the one who'd helped her pick it out.
"The compass, Silly!"
"... The compass." Not much help, there.
"Yeah! She put my picture in it, too!"
"I'm sure it's beautiful." He tried to hide another wince. Still too loud.
Now Asuka looked curious. She climbed off Gray's knee so she could get a better look... Nope. No chain anywhere. She couldn't remember seeing it at all in nearly forever, actually.
"Gray-ni, how come you don't wear you're necklace anymore?" She asked innocently.
Another twinge. He'd wondered about that, too, but just assumed he'd taken it off and lost it like the blind dumbass he was. It's probably just sitting in the house somewhere in plain sight.
"Not really sure. It's hard for me to find things right now."
"You didn't lose it. You wanted me to hold onto it for safe keeping. You were afraid you'd misplace it otherwise," said Erza.
Another twinge, right behind his eyes, but he was getting used to hiding his discomfort by now. The memory flashes came and went so quickly, he couldn't even acknowledge that they'd been there at all. He was also relieved that he hadn't really lost his necklace, and was grateful that Erza had kept it for him.
"I have it with me, if you want it back now," she offered, reaching underneath her shirt to pull out the crossed-shaped pendant.
This time, he couldn't hide the furrow in his brow, or his quick intake of breath as he stifled a curse. But he pushed it aside, simply nodding at the few inquiries concerning if he was alright. It didn't make sense to him, why he had such a strong urge to decline, because he couldn't imagine why he wouldn't want his keepsake back.
He hadn't notice he'd closed his eyes, opening them to look towards Erza as he said, "Yeah, thank you for keeping it safe."
He held out his hand, waiting as Erza removed the necklace from around her neck and reached across the table to give it to him.
"It must be very precious to you," she said as the pendant dangled over his palm.
Just as the cool silver was touching his fingers, Gray replied, "It is. It belonged to my m—"
...
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Get ready for some major angst coming up. And the suspense slowly builds after this chapter.Next chapter: Floodgates are opened.
